r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Like at this point service staff are probably just relieved if you're not actively yelling and screaming and breaking things for no particular reason.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 14:49

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 12:57

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:

While looking for an unrelated post I came across this, not sure if it was posted before but I couldn't see it in a google search

AITA for customising my burger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtqpuYvOfHY

# ? Apr 6, 2024 15:12

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

What’s sex for the goose is pegging for the gander, I guess:

AITAH for making up weird sex stuff about my ex boyfriend who I never had sex with after he told everyone we did?
I F18 was dating Carl (18) until last Christmas. I bought him a nice, thoughtful gift and he got me nothing. We had been dating for six months and he said he didn't think we were at the gift stage. Whatever. I was single for New Year's Eve.

I recently found out he it telling everyone that had sex. We didn't. Now my friends are bugging me about it. Since I still "claim" to be a virgin.

Rather than fight the rumors I have been adding to them. He likes being pegged. He likes being snowballed. He makes a weird noise and cries when he comes. He can only get hard if I'm wearing men's underwear.

Now he is pissed off with me for lying about him. He tried telling everyone that I'm lying but I have seen him naked and can tell the truth about his body. For example he as a very big birthmark in his hip area. But you can't see it of he has a bathing suit on.

I know I am being petty. And I was planning on sleeping with him on New Year's Eve. I'm conflicted but I think he deserves it.

This is fantastic and that rear end in a top hat deserves what he got.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 15:19

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

quantumwell posted:

What a nice guy. Doesn't give a crap about his affair partner or his child but wants no responsibility, no consequences, and no child support.
I hope the partner blabs and sues for child support.

Also lol he�s asking this after providing irrefutable documentation he is the father

# ? Apr 6, 2024 15:24

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

But what if he just really doesn�t want to be a father? Has anyone asked how he feels about the situation?

# ? Apr 6, 2024 15:27

Ogma: Jun 6, 2003; Let the festivities commence!

Pope Corky the IX posted:

But what if he just really doesn’t want to be a father? Has anyone asked how he feels about the situation?

Bad vibes often come from the father's side, and based on his post, the kid's will also be rancid.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 15:57

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

They bring out my burger, which is covered in the following ingredients:
lettuce
tomato
onion

I start gagging immediately

# ? Apr 6, 2024 16:03

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I told them to keep it out of the garden, they�re obviously mocking me.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 16:05

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

DeeplyConcerned posted:

They bring out my burger, which is covered in the following ingredients:
lettuce
tomato
onion

I start gagging immediately

He has a point about brioche buns, I'll give him that.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 16:16

Olanphonia: Jul 27, 2006; I'm open to suggestions~

DeeplyConcerned posted:

They bring out my burger, which is covered in the following ingredients:
lettuce
tomato
onion

I start gagging immediately

I was instantly angry

# ? Apr 6, 2024 16:18

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Scathach posted:

This is fantastic and that rear end in a top hat deserves what he got.

Yup, this is a properly proportional response. And hilarious.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 16:43

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:

While looking for an unrelated post I came across this, not sure if it was posted before but I couldn't see it in a google search

AITA for customising my burger

TBF brioche for burgers is a stupid idea and I'm mad it's everywhere now. It is not designed for a burger patty and simply doesn't have the structural integrity to handle it :mad:

# ? Apr 6, 2024 16:52

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:

While looking for an unrelated post I came across this, not sure if it was posted before but I couldn't see it in a google search

AITA for customising my burger

complains about sweet brioche but brings BBQ which is 50% sugar in most cases

# ? Apr 6, 2024 17:00

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

A thirty-something man who has moved out demands mummy and daddy preserve his childhood room

AITA for giving my son’s room to my grandchild?

quote:

I’m a 56 year old woman and I have three children, Brad (32), Emma (29), and Sophia (23). Brad lives about 4 hours away, Emma just recently moved back home and Sophia still lives with my husband and I. Emma was engaged and the relationship became abusive so we urged her to stay with us for a while for both safety reasons and financial reasons. She is 32 weeks pregnant with her first child (our first grandchild ). She works hard but took a financial hit when her relationship ended and home prices are insanely high here.

We have a nice sized 4 bedroom home that we’ve owned since the kids were little. All three of our kids had their own bedrooms and Brad’s room is currently vacant except for the few times a year he visits. Brad moved out about 3 years ago and did not at all take care of his room. I had to do a lengthy cleanup when he moved out and the room has been needing to be redone for quite a while. I told Emma that I would happily help her renovate Brad’s room for the baby. The baby will be sleeping in her room the first few months anyway but the nursery will give her a dedicated space to keep the baby’s things and for baby to sleep once the bassinet is outgrown. My only caveat was that the room needs to have a bed for Brad’s visits. When he comes home, he can either stay in his old room and the baby can be in a pack and play with Emma, or Emma can stay in the baby’s room and Brad can stay in hers. It’s not ideal but it’s the best option for Emma at this time and we can make it work.

I was telling Brad about the plans to renovate his room into a nursery and he freaked out. He said I should have asked him, not told him. He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that I’d rather have the baby than him. He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome. He feels his sister was irresponsible to get pregnant and that she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child. He feels it has sentimental value and I’m just getting rid of that without second thought. I disagree with him wholeheartedly. I love all my kids (and my unborn grandchild) and I’m just trying to do right by all of them with the resources I have. He comes home very few times a year (less than 10 nights per year) and to me it just doesn’t make sense to have a vacant room when we could really use that space for a baby. Am I the rear end in a top hat for just giving away his childhood bedroom?

# ? Apr 6, 2024 17:01

Cliff: Nov 12, 2008

feedmegin posted:

TBF brioche for burgers is a stupid idea and I'm mad it's everywhere now. It is not designed for a burger patty and simply doesn't have the structural integrity to handle it

Gimme a nice potato bun any day!

# ? Apr 6, 2024 17:11

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Bi wife has clearly made being bi her entire personality and sounds exhausting. Husband should say �Bye, wife!�

# ? Apr 6, 2024 17:14

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

mllaneza posted:

Yup, this is a properly proportional response. And hilarious.

I�m a big fan of how her counter-rumors aren�t even that he was BAD at sex, just that he was really weird and into some unorthodox stuff. �Yeah, we had sex. It was fine, but then he cried when he came and it got super awkward, you know?�

# ? Apr 6, 2024 17:17

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Cliff posted:

Gimme a nice potato bun any day!

I love potato bread but supply is an issue since so many places use Martin's.

Coca Koala posted:

I�m a big fan of how her counter-rumors aren�t even that he was BAD at sex, just that he was really weird and into some unorthodox stuff. �Yeah, we had sex. It was fine, but then he cried when he came and it got super awkward, you know?�

I think it's a legit (and deserved) smear to claim someone cries after sex. Not all assholes only care about their prowess. Also, I'm not into snowballing but i can't help but think that's somewhat hypocritical given what dudes are asking of typically.

kimbo305 fucked around with this message at 17:28 on Apr 6, 2024

# ? Apr 6, 2024 17:25

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

if she's gonna put it in her mouth you should too, I guess

# ? Apr 6, 2024 20:51

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for telling my SIL she was extremely harsh by kicking my mother out of my brother's hospital room while he was critically injured?

quote:

This actually happened back in October but it's just recently flared up. My (M33) little brother Sam (M26) was very badly injured in a car crash and in a coma. It didn't look like he was going to make it the first several days and still uncertain weeks afterwards. During this time, our mother (F61) suggested to us that we should freeze his sperm so his wife Emma (F27) could get pregnant "if the worst happens."

Everyone was disturbed by that comment, I admit it, for obvious reasons. I talked to her at the time and told her not to bring it up because it's very inappropriate to be thinking about creating future children while he was dying but she found it a perfectly legitimate concern but agreed to shut up nonetheless. Again she brought it up and asked if Emma had come to a decision about that. Emma got rightfully upset and told her to leave and not come back. I supported her then but didn't think she would keep her out for weeks (about 11 days).

I told Emma then that she'd learned her lesson and that keeping her away from Sam when he could die at any moment was unthinkable to me despite whatever she'd said. She defended her decision but relented when I promised on behalf of my mom that she wouldn't bring it up again. I then made my mom promise to me that she wouldn't say anything like that again, and even though she was outraged and very hurt at Emma, she apologized to her and we thought that was over. Fast forward to now. Sam has recovered a lot but he still needs a lot of rehabilitation and has quite a few cognitive difficulties still. I thought my mom and Emma had moved past their issue but it turns out my mom is still holding on to resentment because she keeps thinking that Sam could've died without her ever saying goodbye to him because of Emma.

This came out again when Emma recently confronted her about why she's been so off with her and my mom told her everything. My mom was crying that she'll never forgive her and Emma was saying she won't have to because she won't even apologize. Emma then told her that I agreed with her. I corrected her and said I agreed with her initial decision but was always clear that letting it go on for weeks was a horrible thing to do. I was definitely more forceful than I was when I'd first told her because I'd tried to be gentle with her then. Emma is distraught is because nobody is taking her side. Sam himself has come to find out about this through our sister and is upset with me because he thinks I should've tried to diffuse the fight instead of egging my mom on. I'm so conflicted because I definitely don't want to strain our family even more at this time, but if I tried, I think I could get them to see eye-to-eye because I'm generally regarded as a "peacemaker" in my family but if I were to do that, I'd have to be diplomatic and say stuff like "I see both sides" when I unequivocally dislike what Emma did.

Paragraphs added.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:06

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

syntaxfunction posted:

I mean but also like if someone wants some milk I'm not gonna judge them, probably. Also "a grown man should drink water" I mean I think everyone should drink water but that's just basic hydration, yo.

Pages back but I�ve been in recovery for going on thirteen years now and I order milk when I go to bars with my friends just to gently caress with people. In a sea of mules and tonics and pints and old fashions, my pint of 2% stands tall and unrepentant.

It�s really bizarre how strong of a reaction I�ve received over the years from bartenders and patrons alike. On more than one occasion a (very drunk) guy tried to get me to �step outside� so he could kick my rear end.

People are weird

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:10

Olanphonia: Jul 27, 2006; I'm open to suggestions~

Shanghaied posted:

A thirty-something man who has moved out demands mummy and daddy preserve his childhood room

AITA for giving my son’s room to my grandchild?

Yeah your comment is exactly right. My guy, you're 32 years old, get over it.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:13

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for telling my SIL she was extremely harsh by kicking my mother out of my brother's hospital room while he was critically injured?

Paragraphs added.

Emma realizing she's married into a loving insane family who's always gonna care about placating mommy more than anyone else.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:21

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for telling my SIL she was extremely harsh by kicking my mother out of my brother's hospital room while he was critically injured?

Paragraphs added.

"Are you gonna jerk my son off so I can have grandkids, or am I gonna have to?"

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:29

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Midnight Voyager posted:

Emma realizing she's married into a loving insane family who's always gonna care about placating mommy more than anyone else.

And who's to say Emma would want to get IVF as a widow just so an overbearing mother can have a grandbaby

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:40

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

quantumwell posted:

And who's to say Emma would want to get IVF as a widow just so an overbearing mother can have a grandbaby

So she can have ANOTHER grandbaby. They already have a daughter.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:46

mom and dad fight a lot: Sep 21, 2006; Can't post for 23 days!

quantumwell posted:

And who's to say Emma would want to get IVF as a widow just so an overbearing mother can have a grandbaby

No poo poo. She may want to get remarried, which having a kid may complicate. She's 27 for Christ sake.

Midnight Voyager posted:

So she can have ANOTHER grandbaby. They already have a daughter.

I must have missed this, but still.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:56

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for telling my SIL she was extremely harsh by kicking my mother out of my brother's hospital room while he was critically injured?

Paragraphs added.

I don�t want to think about the logistics of collecting and freezing sperm from someone in a coma. Good for the wife for banning mom from the room so she couldn�t try anything.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:57

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

quantumwell posted:

And who's to say Emma would want to get IVF as a widow just so an overbearing mother can have a grandbaby

I can already here the mom talking about how she should be the one to take care of the new grandchild because Emma is a single mom now, and she can't possibly take care of the newborn, and also it's the last thing she has to remember her dead son by so obviously the baby should be her's. It's only fair....

# ? Apr 6, 2024 21:58

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Usually the argument for having in-laws around is that they�re handy.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:00

mystes: May 31, 2006

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Usually the argument for having in-laws around is that they�re handy.

hopefully not like that

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:04

leftist heap: Feb 28, 2013; Fun Shoe

Sending in the IDF jizz goons to placate mother

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:08

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

mom and dad fight a lot posted:

No poo poo. She may want to get remarried, which having a kid may complicate. She's 27 for Christ sake.

I must have missed this, but still.

Found it in the comments.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:10

Wii Spawn Camper: Nov 25, 2005

I heard that Sam can�t cum unless Emma wears men�s underwear anyway.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:14

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

Midnight Voyager posted:

So she can have ANOTHER grandbaby. They already have a daughter.

She probably wants a grandson. Girl�s don�t count!

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:24

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

DeeplyConcerned posted:

They bring out my burger, which is covered in the following ingredients:
lettuce
tomato
onion

I start gagging immediately

I worked with a racist guy who poo poo his pants on a weekly basis who would order his burgers, loudly and angrily, "WITH NO SALAD!" Claiming lettuce and tomato made him gag and I'm reminded of him every time I hear a story like this.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:29

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Elviscat posted:

I worked with a racist guy who poo poo his pants on a weekly basis who would order his burgers, loudly and angrily, "WITH NO SALAD!" Claiming lettuce and tomato made him gag and I'm reminded of him every time I hear a story like this.

I can't believe you got to work with President Donald Trump :patriot:

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:31

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Agrikk posted:

Pages back but I�ve been in recovery for going on thirteen years now and I order milk when I go to bars with my friends just to gently caress with people. In a sea of mules and tonics and pints and old fashions, my pint of 2% stands tall and unrepentant.

It�s really bizarre how strong of a reaction I�ve received over the years from bartenders and patrons alike. On more than one occasion a (very drunk) guy tried to get me to �step outside� so he could kick my rear end.

People are weird

lol this is awesome

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:31

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

wizardofloneliness posted:

I don�t want to think about the logistics of collecting and freezing sperm from someone in a coma. Good for the wife for banning mom from the room so she couldn�t try anything.

Well, let's just say that the procedure was first developed for veterinary medicine, and is usually performed under general anaesthesia. Brain activity (or even a functional spinal cord) is not required at all.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:34

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 12:57

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

We've had the milk at bars discussion before and some people, in gbs, have a real bug up their rear end about people who would drink milk in a bar. I fail to see why anyone would care.

# ? Apr 6, 2024 22:35

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

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