r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

07:32 - finding myself - some italian strange edit

# ? Apr 15, 2024 15:50

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# ? May 21, 2024 12:31

selec: Sep 6, 2003

lol �finding yourself� goes at least as far back as leaving your wife on the day your child is baptized to go across the country and become an Artist, in 1976. Ask me how I know. The hippies were a mistake.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 15:57

Lady Jaybird: Jan 23, 2014; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

I would absolutely pull 'when you get to be my age on him' if I had a twin who was twenty minutes younger than me.

I know its from a little far back, but I do have a twin that's 20 minutes younger than me and I pull it on him all the time. It's great!

# ? Apr 15, 2024 15:58

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

selec posted:

lol �finding yourself� goes at least as far back as leaving your wife on the day your child is baptized to go across the country and become an Artist, in 1976. Ask me how I know. The hippies were a mistake.

I feel like this is a reference to someone or something famous, but I'm missing the reference.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:04

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife because she got a reduction?

quote:

Basically the title. I (30M) and my wife (29F) have been together for 6 years married for 2. I have a type, and based on my past relationships and the women I'm attracted to, it's not subtle. I like curvy women. And my wife happens to fot this type to a tee. She thick, and ai appriciate that. I have been with other types of women, and simply put thinner women don't do it for me. I mention this because I think that attraction in a big part of a relationship. I could love a person's personality all day long but if I'm not attracted to them, it's not being to work.
Very early in our relationship she told me that she wanted a reduction as she felt like they didn't fit her frame and that they caused her to receive unwanted attention. I asked her if they caused her pain, she said that they didn't. I told her that I could understand doing something so drastic if they caused her pain or discomfort, or if it needed to be done for medical reasons, but for what boils down to just for aesthetics seemed a bit much. She didn't really agree or disagree and more or less just dropped the subject, as did I.
Fast forward 5 years and we have been married for a year at this point. Out of nowhere she said that she had an appointment with a doctor to talk about a reduction. I was kind of surprised because I figured that at the very least she would mention it to me. I understand that it's not my place to tell her what she can or can't do with her body, but idk, I thought she would have said something even in passing. After her appointment I thought that we should at the very least sit down and talk about her undergoing a massive surgery. I asked her about her appointment but she seemed cagey about the details. Eventually she opened up and told me that she was playing this close to her chest (no pun intended) because she knew that I would try and talk her out of it. I told her that I'm her husband and that I wouldn't try and talk her out of it but I did want to make clear that, for the lack of a better phrase, actions have consequences. She said that she understood that, but her chest makes her feel too self conscious and she wants to go through with it. I told her that I understood and would stand by her.
So she gets the procedure done and after all the healing and swelling went down she was left with a small B. We have been intimate a few times over the few weeks after she felt like everything was good and it's been a struggle. The size is really messing with me, but not only that, the scars are brutal. I have a thing about scars that just give me the ick. Even when I had my own surgery, my own scars gave me the chills in the worst way possible. I opted for doggy style and reverse cowgirl so I didn't have to see the scars, but my wife knew something was off. She would switch positions so we could face each other, and it's been the end every time. I made up some bullshit about lower back pain, and doggy style being the most comfortable position for me. She got upset and accused me of not finding her attractive. I didn't want to keep lying to her, but at the same time if I agreed I think thay would have crushed her, so I just walked away from the conversation. I know, it's not a great move to pull if I want a healthy relationship, but I didn't know what else to do. After that, I pulled back from initiating because I'm just not into it anymore. I would accept her advances as her libido is lower than mine, but I've pulled away from that as well because her chest is really unappealing to me. After a few weeks of me not initiating, she confronted me about it. I tried to brush it off by saying that I was stressed and tired (lying felt kinder than saying that her flat chest makes her look like a child and the scars make me want to dry heave) but she wasn't having it. I sat her down and reminded her that her actions would have consequences. She blew up at me, calling me shallow and telling me that "this wouldn't matter to a real man." She asked if I still loved her, I said that I did, but that doesn't mean that meant that I was obligated to sleep with her, and if the roles were reversed she would say that this dynamic is borderline abusive.
That conversation was like a month ago and since then, things have been icy at best. I will want to cuddle with her and spend time with her but she has rejected my offers to spend time with her at every turn. It feels lovely because this entire situation was caused by her. She made the decision to get this done, despite my concerns. She knew how much scars deeply affected me and she pushed a specific kind of sex onto me despite me trying to work around this. And now that the consequences of her actions are affecting her she is mad at me. I am going out of my way to offer her physical intimacy outside of sex to show that I still love her and that I'm still there for her but she's not having any of it. I know that she's hurt because while I won't admit to it, she knows that I'm not attracted to her, at least with her shirt off anymore. And that probably feels crushing, but she brought this upon herself. At this point I don't know where else to go from here. I feel like she won't forgive me, and to be honest this whole thing has caused some resentment towards her so I feel that divorce is our only option at this point.
So AITAH if I get a divorce over this?
Edit: Those of you saying that saying that I only loved my wife for her boobs, read the 4th paragraph, and then read it again until it makes sense to you. Sound the words out if you have to. Not only is that take reductive as hell, but it's also flat out incorrect. Is the size an issue for me, yes. But it's not the end all be all, I know that attraction is very much learned, but I'd like to do that at my pace. And constantly putting fresh scars in my face when we are intimate is not how you go about that.
My issue is two-fold.
She allowed the glinces of strangers supercede my comfort with the situation. She put herself into debt just to appease the thoughts and opinions of other people.

She is not letting me adjust at my own pace. I love my wife, and I love being with my wife, but forcing me to look at something that I find deeply disturbing is kinda hosed up. I've offered solutions that could work for us perfectly but it seems that unless the only words out of my mouth are "great decision honey, your new boobs are way better than your old ones" she doesn't want to hear it.

Because of those two factors this is hard for me to look past. Especially since, this wasn't a necessary thing to do. I haven't even gotten into the fact that insurance refused to cover the surgery because it was technically a cosmetic surgery and she put herself in debt to do this which pushes us back from buying the house we want. All around this was selfish and pointless. Literally hustling backwards.
I started a deadbedroom Apr 2, 2024
I (HLM30) started a deadbedroom with my (29HLF) wife.
Essentially she made a unilateral decision to get a breast reduction for cosmetic reasons. I tried to get used to it but my issues are multifaceted.
1.after all the swelling went down she's left with a B cup. She's flat chested and it feels very gross to me, like I'm looking a a child. It fucks with me mentally as am I used to seeing large breasts when we used to have sex, so seeking her so flat just makes it feel inappropriate.

Her scars are loving terrible. I have a strong aversion to scarring and scars in general. Her scars have being absolutely brutal. Red and raised all the time. I even thought that she had an infection, but she tells me that her scars are red for a long time.

I'm simply not into flat chested women. It's just not for me.

I'm angry that she would make such a bold decision with basically no heads up or room for feedback.

With how they look between the flatness and the scarring not pnly does it do nothing for me, but they actively turn me off when I see them.

I used to out her in positions like doggy style and reverse cowgirl where I could at least focus on other things but it's like she puts them in my face on purpose. She even confirmed that theory when she told me that she wanted to face me while we have sex so she can "make sure I'm still attracted to her". And to be frank, I have lost a lot of attraction towards her. I told her the truth, I said that her chest is turning me off and that I would like to work around that for the time being until I can grow some attraction towards them, but she freaked out on me. I suggested she wear a shirt, or if we can have her face away from me and she said that's degrading (fair). I asked if she can wear lace bras or lingerie so it's sexy for the both of us but she says that it feels like I'm just trying to cover her up. To be fair to her, I am, but it's what I'm comfortable with. She either balks at every suggestion or cries and tells me that it feels like I don't love her. I asked her what a good solution for this would be and her solution is that I should appriciate how she looks and just get used to it.
Well I have a 3rd option, I can just take sex off of the table. It's been a few weeks since we last had sex (we averaged 3-4 times a week) so obviously she has been pissed. She asked me when I get over my "bitch fit", and I'll just ask her if she is willing to use any of my suggestions. She stormed away. Imagine trading your sexlife just to get a worse pair of tits.
It's a poo poo show.
We'll probably get divorced. FML
Update Apr 8, 2024
Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/MNyq6lcH5u
I want to start off by saying those of you who commented some version of "did you only marry her boobs or her?" Go to hell. Actually, get a course on phonics, then go to hell. If that's all you got from the post then I can only hope you don't have kids to pass your low IQs down to.
I have done some soul searching and have evaluated my true feelings on the matter. After speaking with a few people that I trust and my therapist, I am realizing that my issue wasn't JUST with the reduction. Does it suck? Sure, but I'll live. I sat down with my therapist and understand that I have four main issues with her decision to get the procedure.
My wife allowed outside influences to affect our marriage in an irreversible way.

The constant pushing of my boundaries during sex.

The lack of communication beforehand.

The lack of communication after I rejected her advances.

I gave it a week and have come to the conclusion that I can't let these feelings go. If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger poo poo like having kids or buying a house? I asked if she felt happier after the procedure, and she said that she doesn't. I asked if she felt like she was stared at less, she said that she feels like she gets the same amount of looks. I asked if she felt like she got her money's worth, I didnt get an answer for that one. So the whole thing has been a failure. In essence, this was a big waste of time, money, effort, and stress. My friend put me in contact with his lawyer so done is done, I suppose. She can keep everything, I just want the cat.
Finally, for those of you that told me to leave her so she can find someone who actually loves her, you got it. I'm done with her.

Babe your disgusting b-cups, scars, and desire to control your own body are giving me the ick and violating my boundaries of you not being a hot piece of rear end. You are creating an abusive gaslighting dynamic that violates my autonomy.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:07

Chin Strap: Nov 24, 2002; I failed my TFLC Toxx, but I no longer need a double chin strap; Pillbug

Nevermind

Chin Strap fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:15

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

he is way too caught up on the 'you let other people affect our relationship' thing, it's clear it wasn't just random dudes but a way she felt about her body in general

but the buried lede is that she got a major surgery that costs money, like 5-10k, and wasn't covered by insurance, and will set them back on their life goals (like buying a house) without discussing it with him

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 16:21 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:16

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

I want a divorce because you keep forcing me to be a huge piece of poo poo, and it�s making me look bad. I can�t live with this abuse any longer

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:17

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

Also lol at the constant �my b-cup wife looks like a flat-chested boy!!!!� poo poo, what a fuckin weirdo

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:21

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

He has no idea how much he's telling on himself with "She's doing this for strangers" when she's doing it for herself. If anything she's doing it so strangers don't bother her.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:23

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

I was confused what you were talking about then I looked up what OP has been posting and welp. Nevermind. Any high ground he had, he's ceded

quote:

Spoke to the lawyer today so I won't have to be a part of the Itty bitty titty committee for to much longer lol.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:26

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

StrangersInTheNight posted:

he is way too caught up on the 'you let other people affect our relationship' thing, it's clear it wasn't just random dudes but a way she felt about her body in general

but the buried lede is that she got a major surgery that costs money, like 5-10k, and wasn't covered by insurance, and will set them back on their life goals (like buying a house) without discussing it with him

Normally yeah but if this was my husband I would not tell him poo poo. It�s covered in the first post, that she did but waited until it was close because she knew he would freak out.

Can�t violate his boundaries

Butter Activities fucked around with this message at 16:31 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:27

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

I do NOT consent to create joinder with your booblets, I am an rear end in a top hat Upon The Land and the gold fringe on your scars clearly signifies that admiraltatas rules don't apply

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:40

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL: Feb 21, 2006; Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

a total rear end in a top hat posted:

The constant pushing of my boundaries during sex.

The lack of communication beforehand.

The lack of communication after I rejected her advances

I haaaaaate it when someone uses the language of therapy (for lack of a single word/better term) to twist a story into being all about them. The way he presents his story comes off like he cares a lot more about her tits than the communication aspects of their marriage. His feelings are valid mind you, but he�s still an rear end and divorce is the kindest thing he can do.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:45

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

quote:
her flat chest makes her look like a child

quote:
she's left with a B cup. She's flat chested and it feels very gross to me, like I'm looking a a child.

Yes, all those children with B cups. What???!! What world does this weirdo live in? Can I blame anime for this? I'm gonna blame anime for this.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:48

Tijuana-A-Go-Go: Aug 2, 2019; Doggles Aficionado

I dunno about you guys but if my wife got expensive, uncovered, elective surgery without talking to me about it first I'd be pretty pissed

Unfortunately the OP is a dick, so any legitimate grievance he has is null and void I guess

# ? Apr 15, 2024 16:48

binge crotching: Apr 2, 2010

Kurieg posted:

AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's plane ticket after she decided to stay longer on her trip without me?

She's going to find an Italian plumber who can lay some pipe for her.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:01

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:

I dunno about you guys but if my wife got expensive, uncovered, elective surgery without talking to me about it first I'd be pretty pissed

Unfortunately the OP is a dick, so any legitimate grievance he has is null and void I guess

If it was about the expense, sure. But it isn't. It's about how her having a body she's comfortable wearing doesn't make his wiener hard.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:15

Lager: Mar 9, 2004; Give me the secret to the anti-puppet equation!

Bonster posted:

If it was about the expense, sure. But it isn't. It's about how her having a body she's comfortable wearing doesn't make his wiener hard.

Edit: I'm dumb and read this as "If it was expensive, sure. But it isn't." Sorry, sleep-deprived.

Lager fucked around with this message at 17:32 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:21

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

His feelings are valid mind you, but he�s still an rear end and divorce is the kindest thing he can do.

I agree with you but there's some irony in calling the big sad booby enjoyed valid.

Edit: I think he should be forced to shave his head and be exiled from his state

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:25

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

the holy poopacy posted:

"babe give me several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation starting right this second"
"no"
"wow so controlling "

mystes posted:

Her "extending" the trip without him is no different from her taking another, separate trip without him. Why is it his responsibility to pay for that when it's something she's arranging on her own without his involvement?

In what's posted (I didn't track the story down so there may be something different in comments on the original) there's no mention of her wanting 'several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation' or for him to pay anything more than he's already paid. She's just moving the date on a plane ticket back, which AFAIK doesn't is usually just a token fee for rescheduling, not a new ticket cost (if this is actually a 'thousands of dollars' change then never mind my original take). Also my read of "left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help" is that he canceled the existing ticket when she talked about changing the plan, not just that he refused to pay for a new ticket.

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

quote:

If I take a cruise but then get off at a random island part way through to "find myself" for a couple weeks is it the job of the cruise country to pay for me to get home some other way?

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

Or maybe it's like if I go on a cruise, I talk about doing another week of cruise, and the cruise company says 'lolno' and strands me on an island rather than letting me take the return leg of the cruise we had already agreed on. The 'removing the return ticket when she talked about staying longer' (which is only implied in the original) is the piece that's controlling to me.

Pantaloon Pontiff fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:32

Rainbow Unicorn: Aug 4, 2004

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife because she got a reduction?

Babe your disgusting b-cups, scars, and desire to control your own body are giving me the ick and violating my boundaries of you not being a hot piece of rear end. You are creating an abusive gaslighting dynamic that violates my autonomy.

It's good that she's finding out that this is the situation (husband married and values her primarily for her pre-op looks) before she has kids or gets old, two things that are known to generally change your body permanently. I hope she finds someone who actually loves her next time. Based on comments the husband is making elsewhere on Reddit, he ties up a lot of his self worth and identity in having sexual access to a large breasted woman. I suspect the actual woman is mostly irrelevant to this core need of his, so divorce will be best for both of them. Hilarious that along the way though they are talking past each other as wife thinks her husband married her because he loved her as a person, whereas husband views wife through a lens of at least partial ownership and has no respect for her personhood whatsoever. Oops. Next time I hope husband makes his fetish and its role as the bedrock of his idea of marriage prior to actually marrying someone, but we all know he won't (or whatever woman he gets to marry him will think he doesn't like, MEAN IT mean it, though, that would be crazy and marry him anyway... and the cycle continues)

Rainbow Unicorn fucked around with this message at 17:36 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:34

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

In what's posted (I didn't track the story down so there may be something different in comments on the original) there's no mention of her wanting 'several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation' or for him to pay anything more than he's already paid. She's just moving the date on a plane ticket back, which AFAIK doesn't is usually just a token fee for rescheduling, not a new ticket cost (if this is actually a 'thousands of dollars' change then never mind my original take). Also my read of "left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help" is that he canceled the existing ticket when she talked about changing the plan, not just that he refused to pay for a new ticket.

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

Or maybe it's like if I go on a cruise, I talk about doing another week of cruise, and the cruise company says 'lolno' and strands me on an island rather than letting me take the return leg of the cruise we had already agreed on. The 'removing the return ticket when she talked about staying longer' (which is only implied in the original) is the piece that's really a problem.

You're arguing the equivalent of taking a date to a restaurant and they decide to order half the menu because you said you'd pay. There's a thing called "reasonable expectation"

EDIT: Oh, you can go ahead and go home, I'm just going to stay here at the bar for a few hours. Oh, and keep your tab open, thanks.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:35

Pleads: Jun 9, 2005; pew pew pew

She told him on the last day and apparently did not even know when she would be returning, so I don�t see how he could have rescheduled her ticket even if he was somehow obligated to eat the �token fee� and could find a flight at the same price.

She absolutely made her bed on that one.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:39

Sex Farm: Nov 17, 2017

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

In what's posted (I didn't track the story down so there may be something different in comments on the original) there's no mention of her wanting 'several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation' or for him to pay anything more than he's already paid. She's just moving the date on a plane ticket back, which AFAIK doesn't is usually just a token fee for rescheduling, not a new ticket cost (if this is actually a 'thousands of dollars' change then never mind my original take). Also my read of "left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help" is that he canceled the existing ticket when she talked about changing the plan, not just that he refused to pay for a new ticket.

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

Or maybe it's like if I go on a cruise, I talk about doing another week of cruise, and the cruise company says 'lolno' and strands me on an island rather than letting me take the return leg of the cruise we had already agreed on. The 'removing the return ticket when she talked about staying longer' (which is only implied in the original) is the piece that's controlling to me.

Take the L

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:40

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

In what's posted (I didn't track the story down so there may be something different in comments on the original) there's no mention of her wanting 'several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation' or for him to pay anything more than he's already paid. She's just moving the date on a plane ticket back, which AFAIK doesn't is usually just a token fee for rescheduling, not a new ticket cost (if this is actually a 'thousands of dollars' change then never mind my original take). Also my read of "left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help" is that he canceled the existing ticket when she talked about changing the plan, not just that he refused to pay for a new ticket.

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

Or maybe it's like if I go on a cruise, I talk about doing another week of cruise, and the cruise company says 'lolno' and strands me on an island rather than letting me take the return leg of the cruise we had already agreed on. The 'removing the return ticket when she talked about staying longer' (which is only implied in the original) is the piece that's controlling to me.

Hell yeah dude

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:40

PookBear: Nov 1, 2008

why dont' you "find yourself" out of this thread

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:42

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

yeah i get that. it'd be hard to do n the last day, but it wouldn't be unreasonable to do. the relationship is COOKED though that's done forever.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:45

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

In what's posted (I didn't track the story down so there may be something different in comments on the original) there's no mention of her wanting 'several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation' or for him to pay anything more than he's already paid. She's just moving the date on a plane ticket back, which AFAIK doesn't is usually just a token fee for rescheduling, not a new ticket cost (if this is actually a 'thousands of dollars' change then never mind my original take). Also my read of "left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help" is that he canceled the existing ticket when she talked about changing the plan, not just that he refused to pay for a new ticket.

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

Or maybe it's like if I go on a cruise, I talk about doing another week of cruise, and the cruise company says 'lolno' and strands me on an island rather than letting me take the return leg of the cruise we had already agreed on. The 'removing the return ticket when she talked about staying longer' (which is only implied in the original) is the piece that's controlling to me.

quote:

I said I wouldn’t be paying for her new return ticket whenever she decides to come back. Now, she's upset, calling me unsupportive and selfish, and some of our friends are saying I'm being an a-hole because I left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:48

Tomfoolery: Oct 8, 2004

Leave Pantaloon Pontiff alone!!!!!!!

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:48

mystes: May 31, 2006

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

In what's posted (I didn't track the story down so there may be something different in comments on the original) there's no mention of her wanting 'several thousand dollars for a solo European vacation' or for him to pay anything more than he's already paid. She's just moving the date on a plane ticket back, which AFAIK doesn't is usually just a token fee for rescheduling, not a new ticket cost (if this is actually a 'thousands of dollars' change then never mind my original take). Also my read of "left her stranded in a foreign country without financial help" is that he canceled the existing ticket when she talked about changing the plan, not just that he refused to pay for a new ticket.

It's his responsibility because he got her over there in the first place with a promise that he'd pay for the return trip. If he just said 'take it or leave it' on the original ticket then I'd have no problem, but what he wrote implies to me that he said 'oh, you thought of a different plan? fine I'm canceling your way home entirely' which is him backing out of a promise.

It's more like if I go on a business trip where they'll pay for me to fly and stay out somewhere Monday-Friday, and I decide to move the plane flight back to Sunday to stay longer, or a week to use up some of my vacation. I'd be paying for wherever I stay and whatever I do, but they'll still pay for the ticket as long as I don't make it cost more or pay whatever extra cost there is in moving the ticket later.

Or maybe it's like if I go on a cruise, I talk about doing another week of cruise, and the cruise company says 'lolno' and strands me on an island rather than letting me take the return leg of the cruise we had already agreed on. The 'removing the return ticket when she talked about staying longer' (which is only implied in the original) is the piece that's controlling to me.

I do agree that if she was just asking him to change the ticket and it was free/a negligible difference or she was willing to pay the difference he should have done it.

The post is written in a way that doesn't clearly answer the question whether it was impossible to change the ticket or whether it would have been possible but he still cancelled it to be vindictive, so depending on the situation your take could be correct.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:48

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

You offered to take me on a date, but I'd actually like to go on a date with someone else. Can you simply move the dinner reservation to another date, still pay, and of course not show up? It's just moving the date so it won't cost you any more than you already planned to spend, stop being so controlling.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:51

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

let's all chip in and buy her a ticket so she can hook up with all the italian men she wants

edit:

Baronjutter posted:

You offered to take me on a date, but I'd actually like to go on a date with someone else. Can you simply move the dinner reservation to another date, still pay, and of course not show up? It's just moving the date so it won't cost you any more than you already planned to spend, stop being so controlling.

you're really stretching the metaphor here and being dumb

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:51

Hispanic! At The Disco: Dec 25, 2011

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife because she got a reduction?

Babe your disgusting b-cups, scars, and desire to control your own body are giving me the ick and violating my boundaries of you not being a hot piece of rear end. You are creating an abusive gaslighting dynamic that violates my autonomy.

The OP's word choices here made me laugh:

quote:

Not only is that take reductive as hell, but it's also flat out incorrect.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:53

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

I'm glad that this thread has alerted me that Pink Floyd's The Wall was an alt-right album.

Side 4 is basically about the alt-right.

AITA for separating my dad from his loved ones over a cancer scare?

quote:

I (F28) am currently planning my son's first birthday party, which is set to take place next month. I am quite excited for this milestone, but when I phoned my dad (M 55) to ask if my suggested date for the party would suit him, he asked if we could have an in-person discussion.

I met my dad at a cafe, and he proceeded to tell me that doctors have unfortunately found some suspicious masses which have been biopsided, but still "warrant further investigation". He said that he hasn't yet told my younger sister (F19) or grandparents (M80 and F76), and asked me not to say anything to them until he has more information as he doesn't want to stress them.

My dad said that he is letting me know now because he knows I am trying to make "plans for the future", and he wants me to know that he won't always be able to give me definite answers. Now obviously, I was very upset and couldn't care less about a birthday party in that moment. I told my dad I would support him through anything and to let me know if he needed something.

That conversation happened last week. The day before yesterday, my husband (M30), son, and I went for dinner at my parents' place. **My sister was not at the dinner.**

I did share with my husband what my dad had told me, and at the dinner table, he brought it up and asked my dad how he was feeling. My dad said that he felt "strong" and very quickly tried to change the topic, but my mom (F54) asked what we were talking about.

I told my mom that dad had mentioned the masses, and we were anxiously awaiting news of what the next steps were. My mom asked my dad what we were talking about, and eventually it came out that he never had any masses or anything sinister at all.

Apparently, my dad thought it would be a good idea to come up with some medical story to get out of unwanted events, and he thought he would do a trial run with me. Needless to say, I packed my family up very quickly and went home. My mom joined us as she says she cannot face my dad right now.

I told my dad that until he apologises, I am not interested in talking to him, and any time I see him after that, I expect him to make the plans and follow through to prove that my family and I are not "unwanted events". My dad has been blowing up mine and my mom's phone saying that I am taking things too seriously, I need to understand context, and I am cutting him off from his grandchild and simultaneously causing problems in his marriage by making this such a big thing.

I firmly believed I was right, but now my sister is involved and telling me that I am cutting an old man off from his loved ones after one mistake and he never meant to hurt anyone. Am I being an AH?

Just an innocent little oopsie-whoopsie.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:53

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

Any attempt to influence another person's behavior is control and must be avoided at all costs.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:54

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Baronjutter posted:

You offered to take me on a date, but I'd actually like to go on a date with someone else. Can you simply move the dinner reservation to another date, still pay, and of course not show up? It's just moving the date so it won't cost you any more than you already planned to spend, stop being so controlling.

You're on a date with me. The pickings have been lush. And yet before this evening is over, you might give me the brush????

YTA

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:55

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

I need to know how big the tits/dicks in this situation are before I can make any decisions about whose boundaries are violated.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:55

Miftan: Mar 31, 2012; Terry knows what he can do with his bloody chocolate orange...

Hispanic! At The Disco posted:

The OP's word choices here made me laugh:

I legit did a double take at that line.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:55

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 21, 2024 12:31

Sex Farm: Nov 17, 2017

Bonster posted:

If it was about the expense, sure. But it isn't. It's about how her having a body she's comfortable wearing doesn't make his wiener hard.

Do you not think sexual compatibility is important? I'm sure she knew how much he loved her big jugs and didn't like scars and she should have known reducing her big boobs and getting scars would impact their sexual compatibility.

The dude comes off as a dick but he shouldn't be shamed for not being aroused by someone anymore?

She did what she had to do for herself and good for her, I hope they both find people they're more compatible with.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 17:57

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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