r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

FMguru posted:

The Barbie incident!!!

BRB, contacting my childhood friend to re-litigate the GI Joe Incident.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 18:04

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 08:10

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

The Barbie Incident, also known as "kids being kids."

Stupid transphobic piece of poo poo. You know, I bet it really is a plantation wedding. I can't imagine someone that uppity not mentioning the expensive venue by name if it wasn't. At least they have the tiniest grain of shame, maybe.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 18:14

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Fatty posted:

Thanks, remembering that helped me find the rendition.

https://whyp.it/tracks/137259/j-the-b?token=tUPee

Edit: Sorry, credit to Rat Patrol.

Is this in the r/relationships "greatest of all time" list? Because it should be.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 18:53

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Is this in the r/relationships "greatest of all time" list? Because it should be.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 19:00

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

Oh, I've heard them called "drummers"

sound cloud rapper

# ? Apr 21, 2024 19:00

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Moon Slayer posted:

AITA for not inviting my mentally unstable cousin to my wedding

Comment from r/BestofRedditUpdates:

quote:

Post, their cousin isn�t mentally ill, they�re trans. She didn�t just discreetly not invite him; she made a huge show of going round the table at Christmas (or thanksgiving?) dinner, and giving a huge invitation card to every single person EXCEPT him as a deliberate FU.

AITA for agreeing to split the bill on a double date which ended in my best friend being dumped?

quote:

Hi! I (22f) am really unsure here. My best friend and roommate (22f) Amiee had been seeing a guy for two months. She really likes him, it seemed to be going super well.

Last night, she asked if I�d go along with a blind double date (ie. her and the guy she�s dating, me and one of his friends who is single and looking). I wasn�t keen at first but she insisted, so I agreed.

We got to the restaurant, just a nice place in our area, and things seemed to be going fine. The friend she was �setting me up with� was cool, but I really am not looking right now and didn�t feel any kind of spark.

We get to the end of dinner and the bill comes. Aimee chimes in and says �don�t worry, our men have got this� to which I say back, �ah, no I don�t mind�. We�d had two cocktails each (all four of us) and it wasn�t a crazy expensive place but not cheap.

A bit of back and forth happened, Aimee kept insisting it is always the gentlemen who pay, so I said something like, �you do you, I�m happy to split�.

The guys were saying they would cover but both seemed uncomfortable. They paid, then we all left. Aimee and her boyfriend went back to his, I said good night to his friend and went home alone. Later, Aimee texted saying her man is now contemplating the relationship because he doesn�t want someone who always insists the men pay. She told me I ruined it by offering to split and should�ve sided with her, and not made things worse. She�s now saying he needs time and might not want to continue the relationship with her. AITA for this?

# ? Apr 21, 2024 19:14

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

My general rule of thumb is if someone offers to pay for something I will politely decline once, but if they ask a second time I will just let them do it and not argue.

If it is someone else doing the offering on another's behalf basically same rule because I don't want to get involved in whatever drama is going on there.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 19:19

big black turnout: Jan 13, 2009; Fallen Rib

I am not a woman but I feel like the calculus changes there on a date with someone you don't like

# ? Apr 21, 2024 19:25

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Comment from r/BestofRedditUpdates:

AITA for agreeing to split the bill on a double date which ended in my best friend being dumped?

A common theme of people getting owned by their own behavior and then projecting it onto someone else

# ? Apr 21, 2024 19:43

Rat Patrol: Feb 15, 2008; kill kill kill kill
kill me now

mystes posted:

That's honestly a lot less bad than I would have expected based on the lyrics

mystes posted:

DreamingofRoses posted:
That is a goon’s interpretation of the lyrics. IIRC the OP never posted any actual music attached to it.

Oh that makes a lot more sense

This might be the greatest compliment that recording could ever have been given

# ? Apr 21, 2024 20:46

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Hughlander posted:

How do you even find that?! I mean I look for a lot of content in this thread, but a 3 year old post with 5 upvotes and 13 comments? How did you even come across it?

Police work.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 20:46

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

FMguru posted:

The term I've seen for dudes like that is "hobosexual" - someone whose relationships are primarily driven by how quickly they can move in with that person and start mooching off them for housing/food/transportation.

It amazes me that these guys exist (and have existed for ages) and yet incels will insist that because of hypergamy women only date the top 10% (or 20% or whatever the figure is) of men. Women are definitely not limiting themselves to the top bracket of the dating pool.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:06

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Cloacamazing! posted:

Found it by remembering the iconic line Baptizing with water:

Song I am writing

ooo yeahhh

Fatty posted:

Thanks, remembering that helped me find the rendition.

https://whyp.it/tracks/137259/j-the-b?token=tUPee

Edit: Sorry, credit to Rat Patrol.

Rat Patrol posted:

This might be the greatest compliment that recording could ever have been given

This is still one of the best things any iteration of this thread has ever produced.

Pope Corky the IX fucked around with this message at 21:17 on Apr 21, 2024

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:15

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Aiw for not being okay with some creepy guy having access to my soon to be stepdaughter and being angry at my fianc� for allowing it?

quote:

Hi all,

I have been with my fianc� for about 18 months now and she is amazing. We are planning to be wed early next year.

Unfortunately, she is a bit of a package deal and comes with a 10 year old daughter. Which I'm willing to put up with. But there is one aspect I cannot and will not accept.

When my STB stepdaughter was born, the wrong man was named on the birth certificate. It was thought the person she was with at the time was her father- but that was not the case. This information came to light when my STB step daughter was 2 years old.

The bio dad wasn't available so this guy (who I will refer to as the creep) left my fianc� but just kinda... Stuck around and kept being "dad". No action was taken to remove him from the birth certificate and he just kind of kept taking her 3 nights a week like nothing had happened.

Well a couple years ago the creep started causing problems saying he didn't like things that were happening when step daughter was with mom. This creep who has no business even being around was trying to tell my fianc� what to do with her own BLOOD daughter.

My fianc� finally took action and requested a DNA test to have this creep removed from the birth certificate and get rid of him. However, the creep got an attorney that managed to convince the judge that since he was acting as a "dad" her whole life, he was actually a "dad". And the idiot judge went along with it.

Then to make things worse- the creep brought up some issues my fianc� was having at the time and she wound up being put on supervised visits WITH HER OWN BLOOD DAUGHTER for awhile while the creep got full custody for months.

In the end, the creep managed to INCREASE the amount of time and influence he had and got an order saying he had 50% physical custody of my STB stepdaughter and that she was to attend school in his school district.

Keep in mind all of this happened before I was in the picture. I promise it would have gone different if I was around then.

Anyway- We get together and things are great. My fianc� just kind of described this creep as her daughter's "dad" for a long time. She didn't tell me about how sick this whole thing is until a few months ago. And I'm just not able to tolerate it.

I've laid down the law and made it clear that we will be moving away once we are married so the creep doesn't get access to my soon to be stepdaughter anymore. And this creep must be removed from the birth certificate so he will stop role playing as "dad". My fianc� is okay with this- but she says it will mean they have to go back to court because the order from the idiot judge says they must live in the same state. And she is scared to go to court because of what happened last time. Even though the chances of getting a second idiot judge is pretty small.

The whole thing is just sickening to me. This guy isn't her dad. He isn't related to her at all. Yet he's been pretending to be her dad for 10 loving years now and making decisions like he is her dad. He even has her ALONE at his house 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next week where who knows what is happening. He goes to parent teacher conferences like he is her dad. He takes her to doctors appointments like he is her dad. Its SICK SICK SICK.

And my STB stepdaughter knows he's not her real dad too. But all she does is defend him anytime I try to talk sense to her about how sick the situation is. If I say one little thing about the creep or how wrong the situation is, she becomes super rebellious and disrespectful to both me and her mom.

And it has caused problems in my relationship with my fiance as well... Because I suspect part of it is she like the child support checks she gets from the creep. She has no problem cashing those. She knows I'm not okay with this situation and knows better than do defend the creep... But she has tried to justify him being around more than once.

Just to give you an example of how concerning things are... This guy is on a first name basis with all of my STB stepdaughter's friends. He takes all of them swimming. He even took 3 of them camping. They have loving sleepovers at his house even though he has no blood relation to the child.

I've messaged the friend's parents on Facebook telling them that he is not a real dad and that they should be careful. Two of them blocked me and a third one defended him saying he is her real "dad" because he has always been there.

This has been going on for 10 loving years. And no one has corrected it until I came in the picture.

Recently things have gotten pretty bad because a couple weeks ago I laid down the law and told my STB stepdaughter that she was not to refer to the creep as "dad" in my presence or in my home or there will be consequences. And when she did it again... There were consequences.

My STB stepdaughter threw one of her tantrums and became rebellious and demanded that her mom take her to the creeps home. Which just make things worse.

My fianc� is taking her side on it saying I'm going too far. But this poor child's brain has been scrambled and brainwashed into thinking this loving creep is her dad. And he isn't. But I soon will be and she still treats me with disrespect.

It's gotten to the point where it's either him or me. But my fianc� is saying I am in the wrong here and I just don't see it that way.

It�s like the inverse stepchild DNA guy. This guy has been posting on half a dozen subreddits and getting poo poo on all of them. His delusion is strong and I feel so bad for the kid having a poo poo mom.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:25

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

Hughlander posted:

Aiw for not being okay with some creepy guy having access to my soon to be stepdaughter and being angry at my fianc� for allowing it?

Did I miss the part where not-really-bio-dad did anything to deserve the name "creep"?

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:31

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

Rat Patrol posted:

This might be the greatest compliment that recording could ever have been given

Just wanted to say that you have an extremely pleasant voice :3:

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:31

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Incoherence posted:

Did I miss the part where not-really-bio-dad did anything to deserve the name "creep"?

quote:

He is literally not her dad. Do you even know what a dad is?

He's just some creepy guy that couldn't take the hint and has been roleplaying like he is a dad for awhile.

And you have no idea about what my skills are. I can guarantee I can manage more than literally anyone in this thread.

I'm going to do what is right for my family. You just keep your rear end in your own lane if you aren't going to contribute.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:32

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

Ew, gross, creepy guy stepping up to help his 'child'. Doctors visits and parent teachers meetings?!@?! SICK SICK SICK. lol loving wierdo OP

Was honestly expecting the story to twist somewhere I could see the dude as a creep.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:33

bibliophile: Feb 9, 2008

Hughlander posted:

Unfortunately, she is a bit of a package deal and comes with a 10 year old daughter. Which I'm willing to put up with.

How in the world do you type that out and read it out and think "yeah, I'm definitely the one qualified to parent this child and not the dude who stepped up to love and parent a kid despite not being legally required to."

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:34

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Hughlander posted:

Aiw for not being okay with some creepy guy having access to my soon to be stepdaughter and being angry at my fiancé for allowing it?

It’s like the inverse stepchild DNA guy. This guy has been posting on half a dozen subreddits and getting poo poo on all of them. His delusion is strong and I feel so bad for the kid having a poo poo mom.

"Unfortunately, she is a bit of a package deal and comes with a 10 year old daughter. Which I'm willing to put up with. "

Wow this guy is a huge piece of poo poo. He doesn't even like this kid he is just mad he doesn't have sole ownership of her and her mom

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:34

mystes: May 31, 2006

Rat Patrol posted:

This might be the greatest compliment that recording could ever have been given

Fantastic work on that

Hughlander posted:

Aiw for not being okay with some creepy guy having access to my soon to be stepdaughter and being angry at my fianc� for allowing it?

It�s like the inverse stepchild DNA guy. This guy has been posting on half a dozen subreddits and getting poo poo on all of them. His delusion is strong and I feel so bad for the kid having a poo poo mom.

Reading this is was so funny because I was expecting the guy to not actually be involved in the daughter's life and just be extorting OP's fiance for money and instead it's like "oh no he's doing awful stuff like being her dad and taking her to doctors' appointments". gently caress OP.

mystes fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Apr 21, 2024

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:39

Tomfoolery: Oct 8, 2004

A real dad is either the biological dad or else loving the biological mom

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:47

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

All mothers are biological. Robots can neither give birth nor adopt.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 21:51

Safety Dance: Sep 10, 2007; Five degrees to starboard!

Rat Patrol posted:

This might be the greatest compliment that recording could ever have been given

The manic interpretation you put on the last line about wanting to sing it at your wedding really makes the recording special.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:00

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

Hughlander posted:

Aiw for not being okay with some creepy guy having access to my soon to be stepdaughter and being angry at my fianc� for allowing it?

It�s like the inverse stepchild DNA guy. This guy has been posting on half a dozen subreddits and getting poo poo on all of them. His delusion is strong and I feel so bad for the kid having a poo poo mom.

lol this dude sounds like way more of a fuckin creep than not-bio-dad

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:02

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Incoherence posted:

Did I miss the part where not-really-bio-dad did anything to deserve the name "creep"?

Being a supportive father figure, loving freak

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:15

Obnoxipus: Apr 4, 2011

Also interested in those "issues" the mom was having that led to her getting supervised visits only while the dad that stepped up had custody.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:17

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

The �issue� was the idiot judge, duh :rolleyes:

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:18

mystes: May 31, 2006

It's amazing in posts like this how the OP will just go to extreme lengths to describe things in weird ways to make them sound more sinister

quote:

When my STB stepdaughter was born, the wrong man was named on the birth certificate. It was thought the person she was with at the time was her father- but that was not the case. This information came to light when my STB step daughter was 2 years old.

The bio dad wasn't available so this guy (who I will refer to as the creep) left my fianc� but just kinda... Stuck around and kept being "dad". No action was taken to remove him from the birth certificate and he just kind of kept taking her 3 nights a week like nothing had happened.

Clearly what this actually means is "not-bio-dad was married to my now-fiance and when his daughter turned 2 he found out that my fiance had cheated on him and his daughter wasn't his biological daughter, and he divorced my fiance, but rather then abandoning his daughter, he chose to be a decent human being and keep being her dad"

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:21

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Bad (or sick!) guy

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:29

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

A man can't truly be a father figure to a daughter who isn't his biologically. The moment the paternity test was spit out of the machine the skies parted and something evil was unleashed on the world: the creeper

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:31

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Wonder what buddy here thinks of adoption.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:35

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Just give every newborn a paternity test :shrug:

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:36

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

That has to be rage bait

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:36

CommissarMega: Nov 18, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

That has to be rage bait

I dunno; there are certainly people out there who are this oblivious/self-centered.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:38

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

That has to be rage bait

I thought it was from this thread.

Oh well, it was from A thread anyway.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:38

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Solenna posted:

Wonder what buddy here thinks of adoption.

�What are you some kind of beta?�

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:40

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Hughlander posted:

“What are you some kind of beta?”

*pulls out stack of commodore 64s* ach ja i'm beta!

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:49

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

Hughlander posted:

Aiw for not being okay with some creepy guy having access to my soon to be stepdaughter and being angry at my fianc� for allowing it?

It�s like the inverse stepchild DNA guy. This guy has been posting on half a dozen subreddits and getting poo poo on all of them. His delusion is strong and I feel so bad for the kid having a poo poo mom.

Well someone�s brain is definitely scrambled.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 22:51

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 08:10

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Hughlander posted:

quote:
He is literally not her dad. Do you even know what a dad is?

He's just some creepy guy that couldn't take the hint and has been roleplaying like he is a dad for awhile.

Oh wow, those are some world-class projections right there!

Imagine being so unable to take a hint! :rolleyes:

# ? Apr 21, 2024 23:05

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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