fruit on the bottom posted:

I've taken that route down to Seaside before, but I'll need to make the rest of it at some point. I just read the wiki page and it sounds gorgeous

quote:

He has always been a good friend of mine and I have begun to be more comfortable with my sexuality, as a bisexual woman and not a butch dyke. Since I was the age I was allowed to choose my own clothes (around 10 years ago) I don't shave anything but my private area, I wear men's clothes and boxers and cut my hair short. I made it clear (or so I thought) that I knew who I was, and even with my gender dysphoria I was comfortable despite having little self-esteem.

The other day he was outside shaving his head and asked me to come outside with him. When he was finished, he took the liberty of shaving my armpits and legs. He had been asking me to do this for a while but I was avoiding it. He says hair bothers him but clothes don't matter very much. I was groaning semi-jokingly the whole time he was shaving me but he didn't stop to ask if I was entirely comfortable with this- I wasnt. Now he's telling me to wear women's clothes because "it will suit (my) body better and give (me) the self esteem I deserve." He leads with this into a little speech about how I am beautiful and have a good body and "if only (I) would show (my) curves off it might help the social anxiety and poor self image"

Despite his good intentions I am still somewhat wary of his true agenda. Even as good friends he has always been difficult to read what's really going on in his head, and most times he is straightforward so I don't need to. How do I approach this subject without making it seem like I am blatantly denying his "help" without consideration? Should I try to take his suggestions into account?

TL;DR first relationship with a man after being exclusively butch lesbian. He is trying to get me to change the way I dress to more feminine that I am not very comfortable with, but don't want to lose him.

fruit on the bottom posted:

What did he just grab her and start shaving? And that wasn't weird?

OP posted:

He shaved my armpits for the first time in my life, after telling me quite a few times "if you don't do it I will" and I guess I just froze up and didn't stop him.

OP posted:

I don't want to defend his lovely behavior, rather get better advice than just "Run." There are multiple factors at play here but perhaps in an attempt to keep my post short I have cut corners on important details. I am not the person he cares most about, especially not after 2 short months of dating. He has family and 2 children (no wife, kids live with their mother). Perhaps he thought I was standing still as not to get cut by the clipper. I don't believe this is as simple as a transparent attempt to change a younger woman.

fruit on the bottom posted:

What did he just grab her and start shaving? And that wasn't weird?

C.H.O.M.E posted:

This is why title insurance exists, but I am guessing this family is too dumb to get it.

quote:

I was out having fun with my mate, she was out having fun with her mates. She passed out really early at her mates place and her mate called me if I could pick her up or anything. Well, I left my bar really far away just to get her home. Got her home and paid $100 total for taxis. After we got home she was all loving etc until she brought up her bad past how I never ask her about it and how other friends did and made her feel wanted.

I told her I don't want to upset her about her past because she has told me she feels really bad about it so I never brought up anything about it or asked her about it but she said I don't care about her and don't want to know about her past. I brought a fuking taxi for over $100 total to get her back home safely without leaving her to sleep at her friends place while they leave to bar and now she brings this up while drunk.

I'm not "good" talker but I didn't bring those things up because I thought they would upset her but she said I don't care about her and don't want to know about her even tho I want to but don't want to upset her.

We have been dating for 2 years and I know about her "bad" past but I don't want to know details so I never asked and now she called me poo poo etc even tho I did everything to get her safe home and gave her food and put her to bed and all that.

Now I'm alone awake drinking and almost crying feeling really poo poo. I don't know what I deserve and if I do deserve this because I haven't asked about her past. Didn't ask because I have read online how someones elses bf/gf have asked and they have shut down. I don't know what to do now. Let her sleep and bring it up tomorrow or forget it all together because she was really drunk? I just feel like crying and drinking myself to sleep because I don't feel anything right now..

tl;dr: Gf told me I don't care about her because I haven't asked about her past in 2 years. Feel like poo poo and drinking to fall a sleep.

commenter posted:

She was drunk and drunk babbled some emotional bullshit. You're reacting to the slurring of someone who was so drunk they passed out before bars.

Did she literally call you poo poo? That's abusive.

Bring it up when you're both sober. Bit don't spiral out over a drunk person's cruel tongue.

Haifisch posted:

Some day in the far-flung future, nobody will know what abuse actually is because /r/relationships has diluted the meaning so much.

quote:

My friend Sarah has a lot of self-esteem issues. She's always been very quiet, shy, and introverted. Recently she's made a lot of positive changes in her life, including coming out as a lesbian, and is trying to be more outgoing.

Unfortunately, she doesn't have a lot of experience with it and I've noticed she comes off as aggressive or irritating sometimes. I've tried explaining she needs to be more aware of people's cues (standoffish body language, one-word answers, etc.). She claims to understand what I mean and thinks she's trying but honestly in the moment it feels like she especially pursues people she doesn't get positive reactions from. Almost like she can't help but try to earn their approval. It never seems to go her way.

There's a woman who works at a bookstore Sarah and I frequent. Sarah and this woman like the same podcast and Sarah found and friended this woman's Facebook profile through that podcast's facebook. At first the woman accepted her request but after a series of embarrassing and somewhat bizarre comments, she unfriended Sarah. Now Sarah tells me she's been bringing this woman various items at work, which the woman is rejecting. I've told Sarah outright she needs to stop pursuing this woman because she's made it clear she's not interested. But Sarah tuts me off with excuses for why this woman was too busy or not hungry and tries to discuss other plans to get this woman's attention. I've become aware some acquaintances are semi-mocking her behavior and the things she's said to her. I don't plan on telling her this but we have a tight knit community and I don't want this getting spread about so I'd like to nip this ASAP.

tl;dr: My friend is trying to come out of her shell and I want to encourage that but I also need to explain to her she cannot make people like her. I would appreciate a lot of help with the wording, there's probably a lot going on with Sarah that I can't understand and I don't want to accidentally say the wrong thing.

quote:

"You know you're harassing that poor woman, right?"
Be that blunt. If she still doesn't get it, you'll have to start disengaging the friendship most likely, at least in some aspects.

quote:

If your excellent advice is heard by her:
He should also be prepared for the,"Omygawd! I need to go to her house right now/text her 50 times/hire a skywriter to explain that I'm not actually stalking her on purpose!"

OP posted:

This is a good point to be prepared for, thank you.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I[24m] brought my gf[22F] home after she passed out. She made me feel like sht

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

she sounds incredibly loving 22 and bummed that everyone isn't dying to know all about her ~dark past~ that is in no way cribbed from her Sonic the Hedgehog OC

quote:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, we’re a good fit, everything’s great, so on and so forth. I’m just a few credits away from finishing my undergrad, and he started in a grad program earlier this year. We’re talking about moving in together when his lease is up in October.

Buuuut… There is one thing about him that kind of makes me wonder if this is going to work out long term. My boyfriend is a very nice person, very smart, has his life pretty much together, and is a basically functional human being. But he sometimes gets the weirdest ideas in his head, and it’s impossible to convince him that they make no sense. These aren’t normal everyday things, either, like how some people swear eating greasy food gives you pimples. It’s all really way-out-of-left-field poo poo that’s like, objectively, verifiably incorrect, but there’s no reasoning with him.

A few examples:

* My friend’s boss was late paying him one week and he had a few bills due all at once, so he asked me to borrow a couple bucks for groceries. My boyfriend asked why he didn’t just open a line of credit at the grocery store. I was like, because this isn’t a small town in the old west and Shop-Rite doesn’t do that? He insisted that they totally do, you just have to go to the customer service desk and ask. I asked if he had ever done that, and he said no, but people do it all the time. What people? He doesn’t know, people.

* I had a craving for a tuna melt one day shortly after we started dating, so I went to the mom-and-pop store down the street and got a can of tuna. He told me convenience store tuna fish is mostly dolphin meat. I guess maybe it could be dolphin meat, I’m not an insider in the canned tuna industry, but I got Starkist, so it would be the same no matter where I bought it. No, convenience store Starkist and chain store Starkist are two totally different things, convenience stores only stock the inferior dolphin-murder cans. Okay, I guess.

* When my dad gave me his old car, my boyfriend said I would get a better insurance rate if I called up the insurance company and told them my dad had died and I’d inherited the car instead of being given it as a gift. I pointed out that even if that was true, which I’m about positive it’s not, it would be really easy for them to figure out that my dad is still very much alive. He claimed that they’re not allowed to ask for a death certificate, because then I could sue them for causing emotional distress.

* Also when I got the car, he warned me to be really careful around bicyclists. If someone in a car hits someone on a bicycle, no matter the circumstances, it’s automatically an attempted murder charge. I actually found an article about a car hitting a cyclist and the person was charged with reckless driving, and he said that they must have accepted a plea deal.

* He thinks you don’t get billed for water from a garden hose. I told him you absolutely do. He said that’s impossible because “how would the water company know?” like there’s some kind of secret, free well of hose water under the city.

* He thinks confectioner’s sugar is poisonous to most household pests, like roaches, mice, flies, etc. He’s got little dishes of confectioner’s sugar just sitting out all over his apartment. It gets everywhere since it’s powder, and I keep telling him he’s going to attract ants, but that’s okay since it’s also poisonous to black ants (but not the red ones, evidently).

* One night, we had a big emotional conversation about how one of his biggest regrets in life was killing his aunt’s dog by letting it eat a jellybean. He was over at her house one Easter as a kid and dropped a jellybean on the floor, and the dog snatched it up. A month later, BOOM, dog has cancer. He obviously felt really terrible about this, but I was honestly trying not to laugh because COME ON.

* The public transport workers in our city are unionized, which he believes means that they all take a thirty minute lunch break at 1:30 every day. Every single one. He essentially believes no buses or trains run for a full half an hour. His reasoning is that unions always mandate what time workers get their breaks, and it’s specifically at 1:30 because he takes his own lunch break at the same time, and he’s never seen a bus go by when he goes outside.

* The most recent one, there’s been a lot of drama in my family lately because my heroin-addict cousin got caught robbing a pharmacy at gunpoint. We went to a barbeque for another cousin’s birthday about a week after this happened, and my boyfriend apparently told my uncle that my cousin probably wasn’t robbing the pharmacy, he just went in to shop, and happened to have his gun on him, and someone panicked and called the police. That is so, so not what happened. I thought at first that he was just saying that to try to make my uncle feel better or something, but no. He genuinely thinks that this is a plausible theory, and should be given equal weight to the ‘he got caught on camera pointing a gun in the pharmacist’s face’ theory.

I know everyone has their little superstitions or misconceptions about things, but I feel like his are kind of excessive, not to mention really weird. They’re all harmless enough (although my extended family now thinks he’s an idiot after the barbeque) but I’m a little worried that we’re going to move in together, and I’m going to find out this stuff was just the tip of the iceberg. Like maybe someday he’s going to turn into a conspiracy theorist, or become a sovereign citizen, or something along those lines.

But then I think, he’s such a kind, sweet person, who cares if he’s a bit strange? It’s not like he’s paranoid and thinks the government is out to get him or anything, he just firmly believes that jellybeans cause cancer.

I guess what I’m really looking for here is an outside opinion on whether he’s acceptable levels of weird, or if this is going to cause problems down the line. I feel like if I talked to my friends or family about it, they would take it as “Help, I’m dating a crazy person” because it’s kind of a lot to explain in a conversation.

So, what do you think, reddit? Are my concerns founded, or should I stop worrying about it? Should I wait longer to move in and see what happens?

tl:dr: Boyfriend has some strange ideas about minor things, and can't see that they make no logical sense. Can't decide if it's a problem or just an idiosyncrasy.

Haifisch posted:

My [21F] boyfriend [24M] of 9 months believes some really strange things. Not sure if it's a problem in the making or he's just eccentric.

Pretend I bolded every bullet point.

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

lmao irl

Haifisch posted:

My [21F] boyfriend [24M] of 9 months believes some really strange things. Not sure if it's a problem in the making or he's just eccentric.

Pretend I bolded every bullet point.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I would't break up with him, he's an expert in bird law and will sue you for emotional distress in bird court

SCA Enthusiast posted:

This guy's it. He's been found. The World's Dumbest Person

Candlelight Virgil posted:

He voted trump that is for sure.

SCA Enthusiast posted:

This guy's it. He's been found. The World's Dumbest Person

fruit on the bottom posted:

I once knew a guy who was functional and intelligent but didn't know what the Atlantic Ocean was called and didn't realize that Hawaii and Alaska weren't attached.

What I'm saying is that I think she's dating an engineer.

Haifisch posted:

My [21F] boyfriend [24M] of 9 months believes some really strange things. Not sure if it's a problem in the making or he's just eccentric.

Pretend I bolded every bullet point.

Pick posted:

Sherlock Holmes was written to be this way. I've met quite a few like this. Reminder that Hugh didn't know the "difference" between a long haired and short haired cat. He's very smart.

Pick posted: