/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Haifisch posted:

Me [23F] with my pregnant sister [19F], I can't accept that she won't get an abortion

quote:

is currently training to be a pizza delivery driver

This is something you get TRAINED for these days?

# ? Sep 24, 2017 01:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 10:18

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Motronic posted:

This is something you get TRAINED for these days?

Yeah, at CosaNostra Pizza University.

Me [30M] with my girlfriend[44F] of 7 years. I want to break-up because of compatibility issues, she's not 'allowing' me to

quote:

It's always been an unconventional relationship. We met while I was working at the same place as her. We started having sex because we were both single and horny and were in the right place at the right time. For about two years we were what would be called FWBs.

Feelings came really late. And when they did come we moved at lightning speed- I love yous, moving in together, joint accounts, the whole shebang. All of that happened in like an 8 month period.

It's been almost 5 years since then, and though it's a fulfilling and fantastic relationship in most aspects, we've been struggling with one fundamental problem. Kids.

When we first formalised our relationship, we talked about marriage and kids. She was indifferent towards marriage and didn't want kids. I agreed with her 100%. I didn't have a lot of respect for marriage and was more than happy to not have kids.

But now, she still has the same views and unfortunately I don't feel the same way anymore. Like I can see some benefits of marriage both as an institution/tradition and as a practical thing. But most importantly I want kids. I really really do.

I tried talking to her about it a couple of months back and she was dumbfounded and then angry, she started shouting at me about how I was being an idiot and trying to destroy a stable life and relationship by thinking the way I was thinking. Part of it was because I admitted that seeing most of my close friends getting married and having kids made me think about it a lot more. SHe thought I was being a naive child who was getting peer-pressured like a teenager. It's not that. I don't feel any sort of pressure seeing my friends becoming husbands/wives/fathers/mothers, but what I do see are the changes in their personalities and the way they live life. Every single change has been for the better. They've all become better people, yes they're more tired and busy and stressed with responsibilities. But they are less cynical, they are kinder, more empathetic, and really 'fulfilled'.

She told me that she had the same phase in her 30s and that I'll get over it soon enough and I shouldn't gently caress up a good thing. But I don't know. I hate that I don't even have the option if I stay with her.

I really do love my life with her, it's got it's ups and downs but there have been way more ups than downs. So leaving her over the kids thing may not be the smartest thing to do.
But... I feel like there is this major hole in the heart of our relationship now. Leaving her would really hurt, emotionally and practically. But since there is no compromise to be had, if I want to be a father I have to leave her.

She told me that if I leave over this, then she'll hound me until I have my head screwed back on and we can go back to normal. So basically she isn't allowing me to break up with her over this.

What do you folks think? Am I being naive/peer-pressured? Is this desire for kids just a phase? Should I destroy this relationship over something like this?

P.S.- The fantasy future kids can be adopted/fostered/IVF/Don't care. All I'm seeking is a parental relationship with a child I can call my own.

tl;dr: I want to have kids, she doesn't. She thinks I'm in a phase that I'll get over and if I try to break up she won't let me. Am I being an Idiot?

Just learn from this guy:

I'm (32f) pregnant and so is his OW

quote:

We've have been married for 6 years, one kid and another on the way. Two years ago, I found out that he was cheating on me. We "worked" it out and I thought everything was back on track.

We have an ok sex life. It's not perfect. I'm a working mum and he's a working dad so time for each other is a luxury. When I found out about his affair, he swore that it was a once off and that it meant nothing. I had a few conversations with his OW and she seemed to think that it was more. He promised to cut contact and so we moved on because I chose to believe him.

I'm now 5 months pregnant. I'll be honest and say that I did believe that it would solidify us as I don't see him leaving after I discovered that I was pregnant. However, I have just discovered that his OW (the one he supposedly cut contact with) is also pregnant with his kid! She is 6 months on. It's basically a race to the maternity ward.

I don't know what to do. We have a good life together and a child on the way. What was he thinking? What was she (OW) thinking? What am I missing? Is he in love with her? She says that the baby was planned?!

Is there hope for our marriage?

Tl;dr: husband having a baby with another woman.

A Race to the Maternity Ward is one of Stephen King's lesser known horror novelettes.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 01:36

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

He's convinced both of them that he's gonna leave the other one.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 01:41

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

I didn't even know people could reproduce with doormats. The More You Know!^TM

# ? Sep 24, 2017 01:42

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Yeah, at CosaNostra Pizza University.

Me [30M] with my girlfriend[44F] of 7 years. I want to break-up because of compatibility issues, she's not 'allowing' me to

I love how may reddit comments on this one are "yeah, you're being such an idiot, you don't really want kids, kids are tough and you're too dumb to know that." Only a couple mention that she threatened to stalk him if he breaks up with her and is 14 years older than him and treating him like a child who doesn't know his own mind.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:22

Barudak: May 7, 2007

OW is other wife? If you need a term for it and arent mormon you should probably write the people responsible for raising, and at very minimum Hollywood, a letter apologizing for fundamentally failing them.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:29

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Barudak posted:

OW is other wife? If you need a term for it and arent mormon you should probably write the people responsible for raising, and at very minimum Hollywood, a letter apologizing for fundamentally failing them.

Preeetty sure it just means "other woman".

My [33F] boyfriend [31M] of a year was maybe going to cheat on me online with my sister [20F], who is a popular Twitch "gamer"

quote:

Sorry for the weird title. I don't know how else to sum this up.

My parents got divorced when I was 10 because my mom was cheating. The guy she was cheating with immediately moved in with us, and they got married a couple years later. A year after that they had my sister. My stepfather is very wealthy, and she's pretty spoiled as a result. I don't have much in common with who she's grown up to be. I'm fairly low contact with all of my family for various reasons.

So I started dating my boyfriend about a year ago. Honestly I haven't really wanted him to meet my family because I'm not very close with them. So he's never met any of them.

He's a huge video gamer and while I am too I don't really watch lifestreams like he does. He watches a lot of those on Twitch. I've been uncomfortable before because he would sometimes watch some of the girls on there who stream themselves gaming in suggestive clothing as a way to get donations from male viewers. But if they started getting overtly sexual he'd stop watching. So whatever, I got over it.

But today, I got home early and walked in when he was watching a webcam stream of a girl playing minecraft who I hadn't seen before but instantly recognized as my sister in her bedroom at home. She was standing on her bed wearing knee highs, a short skirt, and a lowcut crop top with lace bra under it, bouncing around with the controller while gaming. I couldn't hide my surprise and my boyfriend tried to stop the stream but I made him keep it on just to make sure I was right. It was definitely her, and still surprised I told this to my boyfriend (remember he's never met her.) His eyes got huge and he said "wait really??"

At the same time during this his phone had been going off. I was getting horribly suspicious so I asked who it was. He tried to brush me off but I grabbed his phone and opened the texts. It was my sister's number thanking him for his donations and "hoping they can chat soooooon "

insert huge blowup with boyfriend here It comes out he'd messaged her his number rather than use Twitch chat (so that I wouldn't see anything since the monitor is in our living room and I sometimes watch with him.) We only moved in together a few weeks ago. He swore he didn't know it was my sister and that she's the only one of these girls he's given money to.

I am SO disgusted. With both of them but obviously more my boyfriend. There's no way this could be innocent, is there. What explanation could he possibly have that isn't about wanting to hit on her. And who knows what else he could have done with other women.

I calmly asked him to leave the apartment. He did and I looked a bit more at my sister's channel. She's apparently a very popular streamer and has a ton of guys hitting on her, and she gives them all the same flirty routine she gave my boyfriend. I've just been sitting here blankly for the last hour. What do I do when he comes back? And what should I do about my sister with this whole channel she has? The thing is her father is a literal millionaire and buys her whatever she wants. She has NO REASON to solicit money from dudes on the internet as that "sexy nerd girl" stereotype. I'm just astounded my boyfriend would even play into that, let alone sneak around with anyone behind my back even if online.

tl;dr my boyfriend sent money to one of those sexually suggestive Twitch streamer girls, who turned out to be my sister who he's never met since I'm not close with my family. He also got her number and she sent him flirtatious texts. How do I deal with this with both of them?

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:31

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

Barudak posted:

OW is other wife? If you need a term for it and arent mormon you should probably write the people responsible for raising, and at very minimum Hollywood, a letter apologizing for fundamentally failing them.

other woman, dude

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:33

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Preeetty sure it just means "other woman".

My [33F] boyfriend [31M] of a year was maybe going to cheat on me online with my sister [20F], who is a popular Twitch "gamer"

Other Woman for sure.

20F sister is getting validated in a big way, it isn't about the money beyond keeping score. "Sam gave me $200 but Tom only coughed up $150, I'll make fun of Tom's favorite game on my next stream and say why."

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:39

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

mllaneza posted:

Other Woman for sure.

20F sister is getting validated in a big way, it isn't about the money beyond keeping score. "Sam gave me $200 but Tom only coughed up $150, I'll make fun of Tom's favorite game on my next stream and say why."

I think the main issue is the boyfriend's dishonesty.

Should I [33F] cut off brother [24M] for what he did to my house when I asked him to house-sit for me?

quote:

Hello Reddit.

Basic info on me; 33, with a fiance, 31, been together for 6 years in total, but engaged for a year, and living together since December 2014.

I came back from a week away on business on Thursday night, having asked my brother to look after it for me.

The house was a total mess, food was all over the floor, a guinea-pig was wandering the floor (i don't even own a guineapig!!) and condoms were littering the place.

I found two guys in my bed, with one guy in the bathroom wearing my bra and knickers, I didn't know who the hell this guy was, but he looked like Alan Sugar, it made me want to throw up.

I had no choice but to throw them out.

I confronted my brother over the whole thing but he was so stoned and out of it I don't know what the hell to do.

He told me the guys were two Americans studying over here he'd become friends with and they thought it'd be funny to bring their mates over from uni. He said the party got pretty loud for a Wednesday night party with things like BDSM and bondage gear etc. and booze all over the place.

I told him how disappointed i was in him; our relationship's usually very good.

As it is... my fiance is away on a trip too, he's gone to Scotland on business as well (we're in Southwest London) and I'm worried over what he'll say when I tell him what my brother did.

This is causing me a load of stress and worry and I don't know what to do. My brother has never been into partying before, is this some midlife crisis or something like that?
Also... what do I do about the guinea-pig in the house that's abandoned here? since I don't know who the owner is?

Sorry if there's a bit much detail... gotta explain it all.

What should i do next? Had to come here since the guys @moneysavingexpert forums didn't want this thread.

tl;dr: My brother ruined the house with a party and is so stoned and out of it and this is out-of-character, what should i do next?

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:41

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Was the....was the guinea pig part of the "BDSM and bondage gear"?

On second thought, don't answer that.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:45

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Known Lecher posted:

Was the....was the guinea pig part of the "BDSM and bondage gear"?

On second thought, don't answer that.

Don't think about it too much and just enjoy the spectacle.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:47

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Yeah, at CosaNostra Pizza University.

Me [30M] with my girlfriend[44F] of 7 years. I want to break-up because of compatibility issues, she's not 'allowing' me to

A Race to the Maternity Ward is one of Stephen King's lesser known horror novelettes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXkHH6iWKO0

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:48

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [24F] boyfriend [29M] of 3 years is inexplicably angry and jealous of me singing to women

quote:

This is absolutely doing my head in so I hope you can help. I've never posted here before but heard a friend talk about it a few times.

My boyfriend James is a normal, sane human being (well I thought so anyway) with a stable job in the medical industry and has, before now, shown no signs of being, well, nuts. He's also shown no signs of being homophobic in any way.

SO. I am a fairly decent singer and recently (6 months) ago started booking gigs on the weekends at events, weddings, bars/clubs and such. They pay me and I sing covers of songs, do requests, stuff like that. Great, I love singing, I can make money on doing it - fantastic.

Ever since the first gig James came to, we've had problems. He sat through most of my performance, was great when I had breaks and generally seemed happy. A few friends were there too and everyone said I did great. Until I got to a song near the end. The song isn't that important but for the record it was "Let Her Go" by Passenger (you may know it) the song is clearly written about a woman, the lyrics have references i.e. "You see her when you close your eyes" "Only know you love her when you let her go" ETC. It's a pretty popular song, anyway. So during this song my boyfriend gets up and goes to the bar. I kind of notice it out of the corner of my eye but don't take much notice. And he's quiet for the rest of the night until we get home.

When we get home he is angry/pouting and I can tell but don't really know why. So we get into bed and he tells me that he doesn't want me singing "those kind of songs" anymore because it's "disrespectful to our relationship" and "sends the wrong message". I was like WTF. Firstly I asked him to clarify the song, then when he told me which one I genuinely thought he was kidding. Because he surely couldn't be objecting to me singing "her" or "she", right!? No, wrong. He was angry that I was singing to a woman.

So by this point I am now fuming because who is he to tell me what to sing and also this is insane in my mind so I pretty much said alright buddy you're being ridiculous, and went to sleep hoping that was the end of it.
It wasn't.

In the past 6 months he has come to 6-8 gigs of mine and every time I sing a song with reference to a woman in, he storms out. It is causing huge problems between us and I do not understand it. We will argue afterwards about he. He insists is isn't homophobia, but he won't give me another reason other than that it isn't respectful to the relationship. I refuse to stop singing popular songs that I enjoy singing because they have "she/her" in them, or pulling a musical no-homo and changing it to "he/him" (as he suggested - he's FINE with me singing about men but not women - because it could be about him I suppose). I think it's absolutely ridiculous!

So this all came to a head on Saturday night when I had a gig and an Ed Sheeran song was requested. There were a lot of references to "her/she". WELL I'm sure you can guess how well that went down. Now we aren't speaking and I don't know what to do.

I love this man. He has never shown ANY signs of jealousy or controlling behaviour, including if a man has made a comment or something at a bar. He has no problems with men coming up and saying hi after my sets etc. Am I overreacting or being stubborn? Should I just back down on this one for the sake of the relationship?
I have tried to think of any sane reason he might hate it but I can't think of one. Reddit, please help!!

tl;dr: Boyfriend thinks me singing songs with "she/her" should be replaced with "he/him" because it is disrespectful to our relationship

Edited - formatting

Edit - sorry guys, I only got a few responses in the first 1-2 hours but this has blown up overnight. Thank you all so much for your responses, I am reading them and will respond some. To the many people who said this is insane - thank you for agreeing. I thought I was going nuts here.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 02:59

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Haifisch posted:

My [24F] boyfriend [29M] of 3 years is inexplicably angry and jealous of me singing to women

DTMFA but also why did you invite your boyfriend to any gig past the first? (after which you should have DTMFA, of course)

This one's choice. Don't peek!

I [27F] don't think I'll ever be ready to move back in with my boyfriend [38M] of 10 years

quote:

Throw away since he might know my actual reddit. This might be a long one so apologies...

Early in the relationship, I moved in with my bf and his brother in an old house they had already been renting for nearly a decade. I found myself doing a majority of the cleaning. I tried to make up for it by asking to pay less rent, but in the end, I grew resentful for having to clean up after both of them. His brother did help on occasion, especially with the deep cleaning, but then communication between me and my bf was awful, to the point he wouldn't even talk when I tried to bring up issues. After a couple years, my depression was at its peak and I moved out to live with family.

We actually managed to work things out and slowly over the years, we've improved our communication and even did a year of (somewhat) long distance successfully. He's much better at communicating his feelings and I don't let him change the subject even when he really tries to.

Fast forward to now, I've completed my education, graduating last summer. I've already landed a handful of freelance positions and am loving my career. Got a new car, got out of credit debt, life was sunshine really. It's up in the air though where I need to live based on my clients though. North seems to be the obvious choice, as I live an hour away from a major city that is full to the brim with design jobs (competition is of course fierce).

This is where we run into conflict. He is ready to buy a house, and he has the idea that he'd buy a cheap run down place and turn it around. He wants me on the mortgage to help with the loan (and his brother will be tagging along as well...).

I am by no means ready to buy a house, especially SOUTH, away from potential jobs, but south is where homes are cheapest. I also have the most pathetic savings since I was working part time while in school and just feeding myself and paying rent basically. It sucks that I would barely be able to contribute into buying a house, as I always hoped it would be a joint thing.

We talked about this recently and I shared my concerns. How am I supposed to find time to come home from my job and work on HIS house project AND my design projects? Well, he said I wouldn't have to contribute... much. So my next bullet, how is an old smelly house supposed to be a good environment for me to work in? Renting an office is also too expensive right now. Plus, if I do somehow land a job up north, he seems to think we'd just sell the house and move, cake. I just don't see that since he's never turned a house around before... He keeps saying it's actually very easy to do so.

I grew up with a serious hoarder. Like navigating my own home was difficult. Piles everywhere, plus a step-parent that was workless and manipulative and cruel. I have little tolerance over messes and don't think I deserve to live in disarray again. This is why I moved out of my bf's place so many years ago and haven't lived with him since.

And yes, I spoke to him about his cleaning habits. I even said if he could prove he can keep his home clean, make changes, I would move in with him again. At the very least, create space for me to do school work. At the time, he said the effort wasn't worth it since there was a chance I'd still not move in. So that was that.

I'm terrified of the idea of living with him and his brother again, especially at the thought of being trapped with my name on a house. I do love him, and we've been together for a long time, but I have a feeling that the moment I say no, I do not and can not live with you, that's the end of the relationship. I feel so guilty that this would be the reason to break up but really... his living habits I think are a real deal breaker for me. I don't even visit his house anymore because of the mold in the bathroom and the litter box that only gets dumped once a month or so (rarely scoops, just dumps more little on top). Hell, the floor around his toilet is yellow from pee stains. Uncleaned cat puke in random spots. He has often tried picking up and vacuuming when I come over, but I never see any sort of deep cleaning and it drives me nuts.

I wonder if it's worth trying, that maybe his cleaning habits would change since it would be a place that we're getting together, instead of a situation where I'm moving into his space. He's not keen on moving into an apartment, out of the question. Renting again is pointless because he already has a good deal on the current place and he's supporting his father there (complicated situation). My other options are continuing to live with my mom and current roommate, which works well and we're all working women with hobbies, overall good arrangement. Or I move in with my sister up north, who just got into a brand new house. That would plant me right in the middle of possible clients for my field and she'd be thrilled to have me (and I'd love to have a yard for my pup).

The good points of our relationship: much better at communicating, he's my best friend and we can talk everyday for hours, he's my adventure buddy, we hike and explore everything, my dog adores him, he gets along so well with my family, he supported me emotionally while I was in school...

The bad points are of course this issue I explained in this post, and sex has dwindled to once a week but we're both busy and I'm once again battling with birth control (I've tried many different types since my teens so I know the drill in that category). Though in honesty, sex has felt like an obligation for me... That's something we've also worked on, though it fluctuates a lot (figured that's normal in long term relationships).

I don't even know what I'm asking at this point... the situation is so stressful. I told him to not wait on me and just buy the house and do this project that he's always wanted to do. That I'd be unhappy in a beat up, messy house (either by his lack of cleanliness or by what happens naturally when you work on fixing a house). But he's determined to involve me because he needs my name on the paperwork to help get a good loan. It's the next big step for us, but it's a step I don't think I can take, leaving the relationship stagnant.

tl;dr: BF is ready to buy houses to turn around but I'm not game. I don't want to live in a project home and I'm afraid I would end up being his maid again. I have my own business to build. I feel like if I can't live with my SO, it's a deal breaker, especially after 10 years.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 03:03

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I feel like if I can't live with my SO, it's a deal breaker, especially after 10 years.

Ah, the classic 'OP already knows the answer, but needs internet validation first for some reason.'

# ? Sep 24, 2017 03:07

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Haifisch posted:

Ah, the classic 'OP already knows the answer, but needs internet validation first for some reason.'

Yup!

OP posted:

I do know it... I really do hate that this is something that I know will end the relationship. Or at least should end it... I mean, I can't live with him, bottom line, I figured that out writing all of this.

Edit: Hey, I found somebody for that guy whose girlfriend isn't letting him break up to have kids!

I [26F] don't know how to tell my husband [33M] that I'm desperate for children

quote:

(throwaway because I'm totally anxiety ridden 24/7) We've been together for 4 years, married for just over a year. For the first 3 years of our relationship we were both very much in the "no kids in the foreseeable future" camp. But since we got engaged and married that foreseeable future for me is SOON. I've been so anti-baby for so long though, and I've been pretending to be very anti-baby still because it's how it has always been. And he always agreed with me in the past. I don't know how to transition the conversation to be more baby positive without seeming nuts or like I've become a different person.

I know we probably wouldn't have kids for a couple more years (I'm going back to school), but I want him to know it's on my radar, because right now I'm struggling through the stress and craziness of "wanting a kid but the timing isn't right" all alone.

TL;DR- How to I talk to to my husband about wanting a baby without 1) freaking him out or 2) making it seem like I was lying about not wanting kids before???

Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 03:18 on Sep 24, 2017

# ? Sep 24, 2017 03:10

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Me [21F] with my boyfriend [20M], been together for 2 years. A few days ago he fell in love with a stranger. please help me

quote:

Hello,

My boyfriend and I were at a festival a few days ago. The last night, we met a cute girl and hung out with her until early morning. I went to bed at one point, and he stayed up with her. We had agreed to meet at 10 AM, at 2 pm he shows up and says he lost track of time.

They talked all night together on a beach and he admitted to me after a lot of talking that he does have some feelings for her. All night yesterday, he was texting with her in front of me. Today, I did the bad girlfriend thing to do and checked the last few messages, they call each other babe and say I miss you constantly. I like you. All of that. I know they're in love with each other but are not going to do anything.

It just loving kills me that he would do this. I've been very down the past few weeks and a bit unreasonable to be around, I think he might have been tired of me already, and that might have led to this.

I'm so scared. What do I do? He's always been 110% loyal and now this happens... I'm okay with him liking her but I'm not okay with him writing it to her... Keeping the flame alive? While being with me?

What do you think I could do. or say?

tl;dr: My boyfriend spent all night with a girl and they fell in love. I'm terrified. He still loves me but I think he loves her too. Just help me, how should I handle this?? How can I handle this?? What can I do to help myself

# ? Sep 24, 2017 05:17

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Haifisch posted:

Me [21F] with my boyfriend [20M], been together for 2 years. A few days ago he fell in love with a stranger. please help me

Just work on your compersion a bit, OP, I'm sure you'll be fine! This will end up strengthening the relationship!

# ? Sep 24, 2017 05:18

MageMage: Feb 11, 2007; I SUCK AND LOVE TO YELL PERFORMATIVE HOT TAKES AND NONSENSE LIES WHEN I GET WORKED UP. SOMETIMES AUTOBANNED IS BETTER. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN I STORM OFF I'LL ACTUALLY STOP SHITTING UP THE SITE FOR REAL

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

Pro tip: pretty sure it's 0% about the body hair and 100% projection of some other completely unrelated issue.

She wants his testosterone injections for herself, clearly a man trapped in a woman's body.

No, it's not a joke. I've seen very similar scenarios.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 05:52

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Just work on your compersion a bit, OP, I'm sure you'll be fine! This will end up strengthening the relationship!

She should fall in love with his best friend/brother/dad so it's all fair and even.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 05:58

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

This one's choice. Don't peek!

I [27F] don't think I'll ever be ready to move back in with my boyfriend [38M] of 10 years

Nice twist on the ages here, definitely wasn't expecting that

# ? Sep 24, 2017 10:03

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

17 and 28

Ew

# ? Sep 24, 2017 10:10

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Barudak posted:

So ignoring the overall car crash, why did nobody call the cops on a 16 year old living woth a 28 year old.

Because that's perfectly legal in a bunch of states?

# ? Sep 24, 2017 11:00

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

fruit on the bottom posted:

17 and 28

Ew

Later in the thread she says it was more like 8 years ago, so, you know, way better.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 15:32

slouch: Mar 10, 2009

Absurd Alhazred posted:

This one's choice. Don't peek!

I [27F] don't think I'll ever be ready to move back in with my boyfriend [38M] of 10 years

Yikes. That age difference means that at ~18 she was likely a live-in maid for her thirty year old boyfriend, his brother, and their dad. And then, after picking up this old dude's crusty-rear end underwear all day, she "feels obliged" (guilted into) loving him too.

Definitely sign onto a mortgage and cross your fingers that he will finally change his lifestyle after 10 years of doing the same poo poo every day. :downs:

Or just run away from this black hole of a relationship while you still can.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 17:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Absurd Alhazred posted:

This one's for Pick.

I want to cry

Divorce him and keep him as a roommate you're raising kids with?

You're not really listening, because a major component of this tragedy is the fact that the children will also not display normal affection. Basically, that every person in your life is a taker, our user, most likely a parasite. Even the ones that you made, and that you will love.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 17:54

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

slouch posted:

Yikes. That age difference means that at ~18 she was likely a live-in maid for her thirty year old boyfriend, his brother, and their dad. And then, after picking up this old dude's crusty-rear end underwear all day, she "feels obliged" (guilted into) loving him too.

Definitely sign onto a mortgage and cross your fingers that he will finally change his lifestyle after 10 years of doing the same poo poo every day. Or just run away from this black hole of a relationship while you still can.

Hopefully the following will learn that lesson more quickly:

My [21M] girlfriend [21F] has been living with me for 3 weeks and I'm starting to resent her

quote:

My girlfriend of 6 months has been staying with me for the past 3 weeks as her house is inhabitable currently, and I'm starting to resent her for it. I felt very much in love with her before but now she just annoys me. The problem is her laziness/messiness.

Every day I have to cook every meal, wash all the dishes, tidy everything away. If I ask her to wash the dishes, like I did this morning for example, she will take FOREVER and do a poor job where I have to re-wash. So this morning I got up, went to the gym, came back home and she was still in bed. I cooked food and she got up to eat it and then went back to her laptop in bed, I asked her to wash the dishes and she said she would do it. I just ended up doing it because if left too long the food will stick and make it a pain to wash off.

If I have been in a rush and left a couple of my dishes, and she cooks some food she will only wash the dishes she used and leave mine dirty for me to do. then I usually have to wash hers again because there is still food on the dishes.

After every meal I have to put the condiments back in the fridge, put her dirty napkin in the bin, like she's a little kid.

If there are finished toilet paper rolls in the bathroom they can stay there for a week before I give up on her ever making any effort and put them in the bin myself.
I have to take out the rubbish and recycling all myself or it doesn't get done.

She's also very messy and my apartment is covered in a mess of her random clothes and sometimes just rubbish she has left lying around.

It makes me hate coming home and seeing the state of it and I don't feel happy to be around her any more, which she has noticed, but when I try to explain what she needs to do she makes a ridiculous excuse, like with the toilet paper rolls she said 'how was I meant to know that you wanted me to do that, I can't guess what you want me to do' and then gets upset.

TL;DR lazy gf can't live with her

Another "reddit I know what I need to do I just need validation" post.

Girlfriend [23F] and her two cats moved in with me [27M] while she's between leases. I'm horribly allergic, but she's content staying with me indefinitely. Causing fights.

quote:

Hi everyone,

Gf and I have been dating for nearly a year now. Last month, her lease ended and with some irresponsibility on her part since she was not actively searching for a new place and was facing temporary homelessness. Anyways, she asked if she could stay with me for 2 weeks max while she sorted everything out. I was cautious at first (I am not ready to officially live with her) and I was wary of her two cats since I have pretty severe allergies to the point where she has to change clothes when she comes to my place.

But at the end I agreed, thinking 2 weeks is not so bad and I can just take allergy pills. Well, it has been nearly 5 weeks now and she is still "searching." It's true my allergies are not debilitating with the pills, but I am constantly uncomfortable. My eyes are always red and my nose feels blocked all the time when I'm home. Her cats are also VERY hairy and leave fur on all surfaces, meaning I will have to pay good money to get my place deep-cleaned when she leaves.

In the past week, we have been fighting a lot over her two cats and her moving situation. She claims that there are basically no flats in our city that are A) pet friendly and B) within her very limited price range and C) within good commuting distance of her work. It also means she's gotten very comfortable at mine and she's suggested a few times if we can just make this a permanent thing. I brought up my allergies, but she said it doesn't seem so bad as long as I keep taking my meds. I told her I DO NOT want to take medication indefinitely just to live in my own home. She told me I was being a child.

It has gotten to the point where I am having serious second thoughts about the relationship. We haven't been dating for very long, but this whole drama has really turned me off the idea of ever living with her. At this point I'm tempted to wait for her to move out and find her own place before just ending it officially, but that's not even happening.

As much as I'm coming to terms with ending this relationship, I still can't force her onto the streets knowing she has no where to go. She has no friends, no family anywhere close to her in our city, and she literally would not be able to afford a hotel or anything like that in the interim. She has sensed my waning feelings and has also ramped up the guilt-tripping. Saying that NO ONE can find a good apartment in a month or that if she couldn't live with me, she'd have to either sleep on the streets or give up her cats, that either solution would likely result in a loss of life. I know she's manipulating me, but it's like I'm powerless to do anything about it.

I don't wish harm onto her cats or her, but this whole situation is slowly driving me crazy. And on top of that she calls me "dramatic" for raising all these issues "only" 5 weeks in. She also tells me I'd be "heartless" to kick her and her kitties on the streets after offering my home and abandoning my promise (while conveniently forgetting we agreed to 2, not 5, weeks). BUT she also flips and then apologizes profusely and thanks me profusely for saving her life and being the man she'd always thought I was. Like I'm either berated for complaining, or worshipped for being understanding. Depending on the day.

What do I do at this point? How can I get her to leave without feeling so guilty myself? I am a very private person, and I don't feel comfortable breaking up with her first without a plan for her to leave ASAP. The thought of an ex just chilling in my place during the day would drive me insane.

tl;dr: I offered gf and her cats a place to stay while they looked for another apartment. She has way overstayed and expects me to take constant meds to deal with my cat allergies. I want her to leave so I can break up with her/move on with my life.

"LOL, allergies aren't real, just take your meds, LOL"

I (18f) was accepted to my dream university, my boyfriend (20m) of 5 years said he'd dump me if went, so I let him move with me. One month in and he's literally done nothing but complain (no job, no friends, just games 24/7) what do I do?

quote:

Hi, I'm at my wits end...seriously.

I've been with Brian since I was 13 and he was 15, young love and soulmates. We've been up and down but I always loved him.

Last year I got news that I was accepted to my all time dream university. Instead of being happy for me, Brian said that if I left our town he'd dump me. I was terrified so I lied to my parents and said I was afraid of the dorms and they offered to get me a really nice apartment. I then asked Brian to move with me (parents don't know).

It was cool for like two days but Brian has literally not done anything. He crashed his car and won't even call the insurance people to get it fixed and this is why he says he can't look for a job. He's a huge slob and he doesn't go anywhere and leaves all the cleaning, laundry and food to me. He just plays Battlefield all day long on his xbox. I'm so stressed because I was an A+ student in high school and need to get good grades to keep my scholarship but right now I'm really struggling because I'm just exhausted by Brian.

I still love him and want the best for him so how do I handle this? If I get his car fixed then I'm still just enabling him and I want him to take some initiative. He can't drive mine for insurance reasons and he makes me feel guilty about this too. I just want him to be better partner to me.

How do I make this happen?
tl;dr: HS boyfriend moved to college with me and just sits around all day playing video games. How do I get him to be a better partner?

Offer a romantic drive back to a place that is meaningful to you both back in your hometown. Leave him with the check and drive back to the university town.

I [19F] think that I am losing attraction to my bf [29M] because of his lack of ambition. I don't want to break up, but things need to change and I need help with addressing those issues.

quote:

Hey everyone. A bit of background on both of us:

I am a highly motivated 19 year old woman, who has been living with my boyfriend for almost two years. We started dating as soon as I turned 18, and since we were both looking for roommates at the time we decided to move in together. We've had our ups and downs, but there having been way more ups. We are compatible in almost every way, except that he is sometimes lazy and I think that is what is currently weighing on our relationship.

We both just recently finished attending a coding bootcamp almost two months ago. I was applying to jobs like a madwoman, going on interviews, creating a back-up plan incase I ran out of money before finding a job... (whether that meant freelancing, finding a retail job temporarily, etc) whatever I needed to do to ensure my own personal success. Fortunately I was offered my dream job two days after graduating, and have been there for a month now.

Since graduation, my boyfriend has only spent one day applying to jobs. He spends most of his other freetime studying or reading comics. He had one interview a week and a half ago that resulted in a rejection letter. It really upset him, and he keeps telling me how stressed he is about not being able to find a job, yet I don't think that he is trying very hard so I'm finding it difficult to sympathize. He has another interview on Tuesday, and they had asked him to complete some prework. So far he installed the technology that he needs, but has yet to even work on the project itself.

In the meantime, I am paying all of our bills, buying groceries, letting him use my car when he has interviews or wants to go to the library...

I feel like I am taking care of a child, and I don't know how to motivate him. Our sex life is suffering being I don't feel very attracted to him lately. I just don't know what to do because I do love him dearly and want to see him succeed, but I am not happy right now. I just don't know how to address this without causing a fight or hurting him.
It's also important to mention that he has clinical depression, and I feel as if that might be affecting things. I don't want to make excuses though...

TL;DR: Boyfriend isn't trying very hard to find a job, resulting in me taking care of all of our shared financial responsibilities. I feel unattracted to his lack of ambition, but want to fix things.

Fix your insistence of letting this leech cling to you.
Edit: LOL she deleted her posts, apparently she was really unhappy that people latched on to the age gap. From the cached page (glad I didn't reload!):

quote:

OP, your bf is 29 years old. This is who he is. He's a decade older and relies on his 19 year old SO..... You can't fix the situation. This is who your bf is. I mean why's he dating someone so much younger? Most people who're older and who have more experience wouldn't put up with him... he's looking for a sugarmama and not an SO.

OP posted:

Not true. Before a month ago we were living in poverty and both working more than one job. Since I had more bills to pay than he did, he would pick up 60% of the rent. If he was looking for a "sugarmama" than he is looking in the wrong place.

I realize that we have an age gap but that is not what this post is about. It's something that neither of us even think about because I do not act like a 19 year old in the least. We have similar goals in life: marriage, kids, a house. Since I graduated high school a year early (before we met), finished my schooling already, and have started my career we are both at the same point in our life as far as that goes.

quote:

| I do not act like a 19 year old in the least

Yeah, but he acts like an extremely immature 29 year old and has NO AMBITIONS. I'd never date him although I have the same goals and I'm quite a bit older than you, OP. If you're not okay with this now, you won't be okay with it further down the road. Your bf won't change, this is who he is. Don't stay with him for what he could be.

Give it another year or so and you'll have outgrown him even more than now. Stop wasting your time with him.

quote:

| I realize that we have an age gap but that is not what this post is about

Isn't it though? You're losing attraction for your boyfriend who's 10 years older and lacks ambition. That means you're maturing, as you're supposed to throughout your teens and 20s.

And:

quote:

He's 29 and at the same life stage as you are, of course he doesn't have ambition. That's why guys nearly in their 30's date 19 year olds, because they're mentally immature and feel less threatened by people who are their junior.'

In 3 years he's going to be the same guy he is now, but you're going to be leaps and bounds ahead of where you are now.

I get it, it feels special and exciting to have an older guy interested in you. And I'm sure that a 15 year old would feel excited and mature if 19 year old you were interested in them, but why the gently caress would you be? It would make no sense.

Don't waste your time.

OP posted:

I pretty much had to convince him to date me when we first started seeing each other. It's not like he chases after girls a decade younger than him. All of his exes are around his age.

I'm not dating him because I'm starry eyed over an older guy being into me. I've never been interested in dating men close to my age because I am already leaps and bounds ahead of them intellectually. I wanted a serious relationship with stability, because I'm not the kind of girl who is interested in serial dating, swiping right, or any of what my generation calls "dating".

And again, this post isn't about the age gap. I hate that I even had to include that in the title because that's the first thing people judge, and from there they assume they know everything.

Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 18:24 on Sep 24, 2017

# ? Sep 24, 2017 18:05

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Girlfriend [23F] and her two cats moved in with me [27M] while she's between leases. I'm horribly allergic, but she's content staying with me indefinitely. Causing fights.

"LOL, allergies aren't real, just take your meds, LOL"

It doesn't sound like she's even attempting to make this livable for him. There's so many thinks she could do - brush the cats more often, vacuum regularly, keep the cats out of the bedroom, etc. that would make a difference but she's been brainwashed by Claritin commercials.

Of course, by now she has tenet rights, so good luck kicking her out.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 18:22

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

My [32/F] husbands [41/M] insensitive words have ruined our sex life

quote:

My husband (41/M) and I (32/F) have been together for 13 years, and married for almost 5. Over the course of our relationship, he has been quite liberal with his words with me. Honestly, there is nothing that is off limits, and if he thinks it'll hurt me during an argument, he has no qualms about saying it.

Some of the things he has said have caused the trust in the relationship to suffer, and I find myself now incapable of being truly intimate with him. A sample of the things he has said include:

My vagina is loose (I had our 2nd baby 5 months ago)

My thighs are too fat for him to give me oral sex (my legs really aren't that big, I don't think)

I don't know if he says these things just to hurt me, or if he says them because that's how he feels. He has denied that they are true, but either way, the words have been said on multiple occasions, so the damage is the same.

As a result, I haven't asked for or accepted oral sex from him in like 5 or 6 years. And recently since the birth of our baby, I have avoided vaginal sex, instead just giving oral sex or letting him rub himself on my butt. I provide these duty services at least once a week, but I am mentally unable to open myself up to true intimacy because of the things he has said to me. The drive to want to have sex is there physically, but my insecurities caused by the things he has said to me put me in paralyzing fear of opening up and being vulnerable. I simply cannot enjoy myself while being intimate because all I can think of are the things he has said, and it makes me constantly question myself and wonder if I'm good enough, not the state of mind that is ideal for sex and intimacy. I explained this to him, and we decided rather than split up we wanted to work on things.

The problem is, I don't know how to undo the damage that has been done over the course of the last decade. I don't even know what to tell him when he asks what he can do to fix things. He thinks by him saying we are "rebuilding" that that means ok everything is great now, problem solved, and we can go to having a great sex life overnight. I've tried to explain that it doesn't work like that and am starting to believe that he may only say he wants to rebuild because he thinks it will improve our sex life. It almost seems that that is the only motivation, not truly being sorry and regretful about the things he has said and willing to put in the work to fix them.

Even if this relationship doesn't work (which I am hoping it does for the sake of our children) I will still carry these insecurities and would be majorly terrified to be intimate with anyone ever again, so either way I need to find a way to heal the damage that has been done. Positive thoughts, opinions, and questions welcome.

tl;dr: Things husband says to me aren't nice, unable to be intimate with him because of them. How do I/we undue the damage those words have caused.

Poor woman should divorce the hell out of this rear end in a top hat.

The comments say that her husband regularly tries forcing her into having anal sex too, which she doesn't enjoy at all. :murder:

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 19:07 on Sep 24, 2017

# ? Sep 24, 2017 19:03

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

and am starting to believe that he may only say he wants to rebuild because he thinks it will improve our sex life.

Gee, you think? :murder:

# ? Sep 24, 2017 19:06

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Bf [29M] refers to me [24F] and his dog as "his girls." Like "where my girls at??!" or "I want hugs from my girls!" when he comes home. Am I right to be weirded out?

quote:

Basically story in the title.

Bf and I have been in a relationship for 1 1/2 years. We live together. He has a dog (husky/GSD mix) that he adopted 3 years before we met. I like his dog and I think his dog likes me, but bf refers to us as "his girls" ALL the time and it really weirds me out.

For example, when he leaves mornings for work (I leave later and usually get home earlier) he'll say "can I get some kisses from my girls?" and his dog will eagerly lick his face and then he comes to me wanting to kiss. I just feel really loving weird about that. Especially when I'm SECOND to get kisses as if I want to kiss his slobbery cheek. Other times include "are my girls hungry??" (when we're out getting food) or "awww are my girls tired?" (on a hike) or "don't my girls look pretty!!" (we were taking fall pictures by the lake).

His dog also now recognizes "my girls" as referring to her and that weirds me out even more. Like we're both supposed to learn our commands. I swear that dog even looks at me sometimes when she hears "I wanna see my girls!" as if she wants to know why I'm not running over with her, like "hey he's referring to BOTH of us dummy."

Needless to say bf LOVES his dog, which is fine with me. Except he always jokes about how Sheba (the dog) is jealous of me or I'm jealous of Sheba. I've told my friends and they say it's typical of a big dog person like my bf. That he obviously adores his dog and adores me, and he's just being playful.

I don't know. I still think it's weird and I've told him so but he just looks hurt. Am I overreacting? Is this not a thing I should be weirded by?

tl;dr: BF constantly calls me and his dog by the collective "my girls." Like "I want to see my girls!" Feeling really weirded out by it but don't know if I'm overreacting.

This is actually very cute. What a shame that OP is a party pooper on her boyfriend's cute doggie antics. :woof:

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:04

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

The comments say that her husband regularly tries forcing her into having anal sex too, which she doesn't enjoy at all.

this is every husband who insists on anal sex due to it having completely permeated porn culture as the "ultimate" act of sexual intimacy for some reason

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:08

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Bf [29M] refers to me [24F] and his dog as "his girls." Like "where my girls at??!" or "I want hugs from my girls!" when he comes home. Am I right to be weirded out?

This is actually very cute. What a shame that OP is a party pooper on her boyfriend's cute doggie antics.

Oh absolutely! "Where my bitches at?" So romantic :allears:

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:12

Elfgames: Sep 11, 2011; Fun Shoe

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Bf [29M] refers to me [24F] and his dog as "his girls." Like "where my girls at??!" or "I want hugs from my girls!" when he comes home. Am I right to be weirded out?

This is actually very cute. What a shame that OP is a party pooper on her boyfriend's cute doggie antics.

i swear this is a gender flip of the exact same story that was posted months ago.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:18

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Bf [29M] refers to me [24F] and his dog as "his girls." Like "where my girls at??!" or "I want hugs from my girls!" when he comes home. Am I right to be weirded out?

This is actually very cute. What a shame that OP is a party pooper on her boyfriend's cute doggie antics.

I dunno, it shouldn't really be that hard to stop using a pet name or term of endearment your significant other doesn't like, daddy. I don't know why so many people have trouble with this, sweety tits.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:18

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Let me run to the internet to ask a crowd of complete strangers if it's normal for me to have preferences.

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:44

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

Elfgames posted:

i swear this is a gender flip of the exact same story that was posted months ago.

It is. There was a guy who didn't like that his girlfriend referred to both him and the dog as "her boys".

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

AWarmBody posted:

My bachelorette party for my first marriage was enthusiastically organized by my now-ex-sister-in-law. She was not a part of any MLM but wanted to have an MLM sex toy presenter come to her house to celebrate my future nuptials with her brother. (If you offered to host a party, you got a free sex toy so I think she was just in it for the free toy.)

It was incredibly uncomfortable for me for several reasons:

1. The presenter was a husky woman that no one knew, but acted liked she was just "one of the girls." She pulled dildo after dildo from a rolling tool chest thing and passed them around. Everyone got to feel every vibrator and every spinning synthetic dick before it went back in the box

2. The presenter put a lot of pressure on everyone to buy me a gift. She pulled them individually into a bedroom in the house (dimly lit with candles for sex toy selling ambience) to confront them about purchasing not just for themselves but for me. She also had us create a contact list of people that we thought could sell sex toys and give it to her. It felt slimy.

3. I didn't want my now-ex-sister-in-law to be near my sex life at all. I had no voice in the matter of her plans

4. My now-ex-husband was an rear end in a top hat that wouldn't let me masturbate anyway and a little over a year later shattered all my sex toy gifts to literal pieces for me to find. So it was all a wasted experience.

The only thing I have left from that whole thing is this sultry literature:

# ? Sep 24, 2017 20:48

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 10:18

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Pick posted:

You were supposed to quote it in actual r/relationships and have us fools quote it here! Goddamn! :argh:

# ? Sep 24, 2017 21:21

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »