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Jun 13, 2024 02:06
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- Admiral Ray
- May 17, 2014
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Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy
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My [F30's] husband [M30's] of 9 years has a secret criminal life involving setting fires.
So currently my husband is under arrest, charged with arson. He has admitted to being responsible for a wildfire that's blazing in our area right now. So far several people have lost their homes, and many more been forced to evacuate and may still lose their homes. When I was told about this I was completely in shock. It turns out for many years he's done this in the summer. Driving out to the mountains or an isolated grassy area and intentionally starting fires. Then he just sits back and watches them burn their way through however many miles of people's livelihood until it's over. I remember watching the news with him previous summers. I remember him sitting right next to me, talking to him about how horrible it was, we even had to evacuate one year! There's people who have to evacuate every time obviously. How can he just sit there knowing he caused that???
I'm unable to find words for this, I feel so betrayed. He had this secret, destructive life behind my back. Who knows how many people he's caused to lose their homes or their means of income or even their LIVES???
I haven't spoken with him yet, I'm so unspeakably angry and horrified.
All I can imagine doing is informing him that I'm filing for divorce. On the other hand I desperately want the police to be wrong. They're not wrong if as I was told my husband himself has confessed.
Complicating things we have two kids (7 year old son and 5 year old daughter). My question for the community here is what to tell them? In fact I would be grateful for advice about how to explain my divorce to everyone, since I have no doubt people here will be rightfully very angry over what he's done. His name will be in the news and it will be known.
I'm just devastated. I'm so sorry to all the people he's hurt.
TL;DR husband has for years secretly been starting fires during wildfire season in nature reserves. When they take off and end up endangering thousands of people, he's getting off on knowing he's behind it. I feel so sick. I plan to divorce him over this, how do I manage how upset people will be when I'm upset too?
You should offer the community a chance at reconciliation by burning him at the stake during a community barbecue.
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Jul 27, 2018 06:08
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- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
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Sucks that she also doxxed herself. Google news has the husbands name and town.
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Jul 27, 2018 06:31
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My [22F] BF of 5 yrs' little brother [18M] obviously has a foot fetish and keeps trying to involve me.
quote:
My BF and I have been together for almost 5 years. When we started dating, his brother L was 13ish. He's a really sweet kid with Asperger's, so he tends to act younger than his age. In general, we get along well.
I noticed pretty early in my relationship with BF that L seemed oddly interested in my feet. He would crawl underneath things (always with some pretense) to look at my feet, and other things I found odd. I brought it up kinda cautiously with BF and he was immediately annoyed and knew what I was talking about. Apparently L had been caught touching/examining a few different friends' feet, presumably after convincing them to play some kind of game or something. Over a few weeks, it escalated to the point that every time I was alone with L, he would try to get me to play some kind of game that would involve him touching my feet. I'm an anxious person so its hard for me to say no, especially since his request isn't obviously sexual. I managed to avoid these encounters with lame excuses until it got so bad I asked my BF to talk to their mom. His mom had suspected he had an interest in feet, and she sat him down and had some kind of conversation with him. Apparently he was very embarrassed and his mom said he wanted to tell me he was sorry and didn't mean to make me uncomfortable. Ok, that's fine, I thought that was that.
It's now 5 years later and L is 18. Every once in a while he will make some kind of odd comment that will remind me about the foot thing, but things were mostly okay until last night.
I am vacationing with BF's family and L and I ended up alone together as everyone was heading to bed. We were having a fun conversation and I thought everything was fine. As we were walking upstairs, he asked if we could compare hand sizes. I was like sure, no problem! Embarrassingly I did not see where this was going. After comparing hand sizes, he asked if we could compare foot sizes.
It was so, so uncomfortable. It was very obviously sexual because he had to really stutter it out and he was almost like out of breath when he asked. I didn't know what to say. He asked if I would sit down with him on the couch for a minute. I was freaking out but still couldn't figure out how to say no, since it's an innocent request on the surface. I told him I needed to get water first, then ran to my BF and whispered what was happening. BF went out and told him I wasn't feeling well and was going to bed. When I saw L after that he was clearly upset and gave me a very unhappy look, but its been a little while now and he seems to be back to his cheerful self.
I feel like someone needs to talk to this kid and tell him that foot fetishes are totally normal and fine, but he needs to find a consenting partner if he wants to do stuff like that. I think its creepy to try to do that in a sexual way, even if its just touching my feet.
However, part of me feels like I'm being overdramatic. Its not like touching my feet is the same as sexually assaulting me. Am I right that this is creepy, even if its not a sexual act that he wants to do? Should I try to address this in some way, or just keep avoiding being alone with L? Any tips for how I should respond if we're alone and he asks again?
TL;DR: BF's brother clearly has a foot fetish and keeps trying to get me to let him touch my feet under false pretenses. Creeped out but not sure if I'm being dramatic.
Tell Quinten to settle down.
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Jul 27, 2018 07:50
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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My [22F] BF of 5 yrs' little brother [18M] obviously has a foot fetish and keeps trying to involve me.
Tell Quinten to settle down.
boy, I am not a fan of that abrupt swerve from something as childish as hand-comparing to foot boners...
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Jul 27, 2018 08:18
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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Regular run of the mill turbo-loving your life
Me [23 M] with my FWB [38 F] of a year, gotten into a horrible situation, completely lost
quote:u/LostAndAloneX
A bit of background, we're both in school, we started screwing around, I am much younger than her as you can see. We are in Canada, she is from Korea and is only here on a student visa, I was born in the USA but am a Canadian citizen.
Our relationship, if you can call it that, has been seeing each other every week. The beginning was fun and exciting, but then we started fighting every time we met near the end of this for the past couple of months. She is very depressive and will start randomly crying etc. I am not a saint, I am a bit controlling, but I have never harmed or raised my voice at her.
Well, two days ago she texted me to tell me she is pregnant. She also told me she doesn't want me involved, that if I go near her she will call the police, and that she wants me to suffer from it my whole life because I am irresponsible; she agreed to talk to me, right up until I made a stupid joke in an attempt to lighten the tense mood. She then blocked me and refuses to speak to me. Sending that joke has to be the second worse mistake in my life, the first being finishing inside of her without protection.
I instantly panicked, I started spam calling her, I emailed her multiple times. I know I am a screw up, a big time screw up.
The gist of the emails was explaining that I simply sent the joke to lighten the mood, that I am sorry, that we need to be adults and discuss our options, and that I will support whatever decision she takes. But that I need to know the results of any pregnancy tests she takes, that she can't simply cut me out of her life, and that I need to know what she will do with our child.
I know it's not my place to try to convince her to keep or abort. My opinion on the matter should be clear, this kid will not live a good life. She is depressive, when I asked her why she didn't have kids early on in the "relationship" she often told me she would make a horrible mother, and her family is very cold even by East Asian standards.
She finally responded to one of my emails, she says she is happy she is pregnant, that she doesn't want a father involve who treats her like a whore, that she wants to erase me from her memory, and that she feels like killing herself.
I can clearly see that as she is 38, this is her last chance at motherhood, she thinks it will fix her life. We are both a financial mess, we are both fairly depressed, we are both still in school, I am living with my parents and subsist on student loans.
I messedd up big time, and she is going to latch on to it for dear life. Fine. I accept my responsibility, so I emailed her telling her I will support whatever decision she takes, but that she needs to open a line of communication with me, that we need to discuss what will happen, how it will happen, what steps we should take, etc.
She refuses to speak to me, it's been two days, and I am scared and alone. I cannot tell anyone for fear of it getting back to my family and putting me at risk of homelessness to add to it all.
To add to this messed up situation, her visa expires at the end of this year, she has been procrastinating speaking to a visa advisor, and I fear she is planning to take the child to Korea where I can't reach it.
This would seem like an excellent solution to some guys. But I know I can't live with myself knowing I fathered an illegitimate child, and simply forgot about it. How can I find a decent woman in the future who will accept this? How can I look my future children in the eyes and act like they are my first born children. How can I lay down and sleep knowing somewhere a child is growing without a father because a selfish mother wanted a baby to make herself happy, all on her own.
I don't know what to do, I need any advice in regards to how to communicate with her. If anyone is familiar with Canadian law, what rights do I have as the potential father? Am I stuck waiting in the hopes she might have the baby here? How will I even know when it's born, should I be speaking to a lawyer?
What do I do?
I finish my studies next year, and hope to have a solid job by the time the baby is born.
I am desperate please help me!
tl;dr: Messed up big time, got lady pregnant, she is trying to cut me out of the picture to fulfill life long baby fantasy, she is a flight risk and might take my unborn child to Korea where I will lose it forever. Help
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Jul 27, 2018 08:23
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- My Imaginary GF
- Jul 17, 2005
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by R. Guyovich
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are you loving mental? how the gently caress do you handcuff someone the size of a linebacker who takes 4+ male staff members to restrain? you don't.
Sucks that she also doxxed herself. Google news has the husbands name and town.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/us/cranston-fire-california-arson-arrest.html
One of my close relatives once started a multistate forest fire in the 70s when they was out partyn with our Alabaman cousins. They is feeling guilty about it to this day.
Woman needs to protect her kids and divorce bad dad. Tell the kids the truth, because one googling of dads name will burn any relationship she has with 'em if she lies.
My Imaginary GF fucked around with this message at 08:42 on Jul 27, 2018
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Jul 27, 2018 08:29
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- My Imaginary GF
- Jul 17, 2005
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by R. Guyovich
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The entire point is to stop the guy from hurting himself, and I think him struggling to get out of some cuffs will do more damage than a tin can could.
In other words, shut the gently caress up pick
Proposing to cuff the autistic kid is so loving stupid that I don't even know where to begin. It seems like an idea that only a brokebrains southerner would have, like a Texan whose solution to crime is to just kill every convict.
Under the American with Disabilities Act, children with disabilities have a right to an education. To cuff the indivdual as soon as they are on premises is a clear violation of Federal civil rights laws, state civil rights laws, and a whole host of regulations governing the use of restrictive procedures. Let alone the legal liabilities and impact to your Title 3 and Title 4 funding streams! gently caress, I've posted some idiotic poo poo in my time, and yet never managed to post somethin as stupid as 'handcuffing will solve behavioral issues for children'
If it's the sound of a can being opened that gets him, maybe they should switch to bottles instead.
Think thru the implementation. How you gonna get 4k+ people to not bring a can of pop to your site? What about visitors?
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Jul 27, 2018 08:51
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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MIL burnt all of my son’s dresses. Wife is doing not a drat thing about it!
quote:u/heresjohnny94
Recently went on vacation so we had my wife’s mom watch my 5 year old son for a week. We let him dress however he wants and sometimes he likes to dress up as a police officer and sometimes he likes to be a princess, we let him decide and it doesn’t bother us at all. He also enjoy wearing dresses or skirts over his jeans sometimes and other tacky clothing options that I feel a lot of children do.
He packed 2 dresses and 3 of his dress up outfits along with shorts and regular shirts for the stay with my MIL. When we called to FT him he day before we came home, she said he did not want to talk and we assumed he was upset because he missed us. When we went to pick him up yesterday, he came running to me hysterical saying “grandma burnt my skirt and put it on fire!” I was confused and he wouldn’t stop crying so my wife asked her what he was talking about.
She sad that “no little boy should be wearing a dress, he’s gonna get himself beat up or worse” ...he’s 5 years old. I asked what she did with the clothes and she said she put them in the burning bin in the back yard and showed him. She has always been overbearing and just irritating but this was going too far. I grabbed the rest of his clothes and said “you will never see my son again, what the hell so wrong with you?!” I took him and went to the car and my wife came out about five minutes later. She told ME that I was overreacting and that her mother just “doesn’t understand it” she doesn’t have to understand poo poo but she will respect OUR parenting and the way we do things. My wife still doesn’t seem to get it.
My son is still upset and it pisses me off every time I think about it. When I asked him what happened he said that he wanted to play princess but that grandma snatched the clothes off of him and said he can’t wear it and took him outside. I’m assuming that’s when she showed him the clothes burning.
My wife is saying how I need to make things right and that we will need her to babysit again. I will pay someone before I ever allow he to watch him again. Am I overreacting? Is it too much to say that he will not be going over there again?
Tldr; MIL burnt my son’s clothes in front of him. Am I taking it too far by not allowing him to go over there anymore?
Good dad, bad mum.
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Jul 27, 2018 08:54
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- My Imaginary GF
- Jul 17, 2005
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by R. Guyovich
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MIL burnt all of my son’s dresses. Wife is doing not a drat thing about it!
Good dad, bad mum.
Whats the OPs gender identity?
Wherever they are on the spectrum, OP needs to accept that gender roles and perceived gender identities are a thing in the world.
My Imaginary GF fucked around with this message at 09:01 on Jul 27, 2018
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Jul 27, 2018 08:59
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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My boyfriend (24/m) cant understand feelings/emotions. Self proclaimed intellect.
He jokes about it all the time, calling himself an emotional robot. He loves me (26/f), he really does, but I feel like this is causing a strain on our relationship from my perspective. He tends to see feelings/emotions as weakness and prides himself on thinking logically and rationally over emotionally. He also prides himself on being smarter than the average bear, and his way of thinking is superior to other ways of thinking (per his own words).
Some background, we started out as best friends in 2013, he was very emotional and I was not at all for various reasons. We dated in 2014-2016, talked intimately again in summer 2017 and back together as of two months ago.
Since that time his drinking, partying, his promiscuity, etc had turned him into this emotionless robot (some time has passed since these events). The biggest problem is that if I'm upset- he will analyze the reason I'm emotional and if he doesn't determine in his mind that it is justified, he honestly and truly will not see it being worth his time to try to help fix the problem, empathize, or show compassion. Especially if this means accepting fault for the reason I became upset. If I created the reason to be upset in my own mind, it is up to me to solve it on my own.
I really love him and he is my best friend, I can't see myself without him but I also can't see myself living the rest of my life with someone who does not understand the importance of feelings/emotions and how to properly respond to them.
Question: Has anyone ever experienced being in a relationship with someone who truly didn't understand emotions or has been in a similar situation? I feel that I am coming up on a cross roads.
tl;dr: boyfriend is an emotionless robot (his words, not mine) and this relationship is getting pretty tough:
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Jul 27, 2018 10:03
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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My (20F) mom's (54F) controversial dying wish.
Tl;Dr mom's dying wish was to exclude my sister and aunts from her service, I never told them when it happened but I'm not sure if I ever should tell them. (resubmitted)
My mom committed suicide earlier this year. One of the last things she told me was "if they have a service for me, don't invite your sister or your tias".
My mother's family has ALWAYS been broken. All of my aunts and cousins hated my mom, most of them are drama queens and have huge mouths, they live for gossip. My mom is the one who took care of my gma but lost her only house last year. I was never close to her family. When she died they suddenly cared about her and I. You know how it goes.
I still haven't told them and I'm not sure if I should. My sister admitted the guilt she had for the bad relationship with my mom. I don't want to tell her because I know my sister is mentally unstable. I don't plan to tell her.
I was NEVER planning on telling them when the events of planning her viewing, funeral, etc was going on because I know it's irrational to stir up more emotional distress on top of everything else. My mother's close friends who loved her very much wanted me to tell them (they also hated her family) but I know they were not being rational due to loosing a close friend, I did not listen. She is dead, and the funeral was for those who loved her and wanted to celebrate her life and memories. My aunts admitted their guilt at her funeral.
But some months have passed after everything and I'm not sure if there would ever be a good time to tell them. Should I just tuck it away and never say anything? Or maybe in a few years? I know it's going to hurt them. I can't imagine what it would also do to my grandma (who is still struggling with my mom's death, despite controversy- my mom was her favorite daughter because my mom took care of gma for decades), knowing that her dying wish was to exclude her own child and her sisters from her funeral/service.
I'm leaning towards not saying anything, ever, or if the time is right in a few years maybe I will tell them. But like I said they live for gossip and drama so.... It might not ever be a good idea, I don't think they'll grow up from it.
Any insight and thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
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Jul 27, 2018 10:04
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- Theophany
- Jul 22, 2014
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SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO
2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC
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My (20F) mom's (54F) controversial dying wish.
Tl;Dr mom's dying wish was to exclude my sister and aunts from her service, I never told them when it happened but I'm not sure if I ever should tell them. (resubmitted)
My mom committed suicide earlier this year. One of the last things she told me was "if they have a service for me, don't invite your sister or your tias".
My mother's family has ALWAYS been broken. All of my aunts and cousins hated my mom, most of them are drama queens and have huge mouths, they live for gossip. My mom is the one who took care of my gma but lost her only house last year. I was never close to her family. When she died they suddenly cared about her and I. You know how it goes.
I still haven't told them and I'm not sure if I should. My sister admitted the guilt she had for the bad relationship with my mom. I don't want to tell her because I know my sister is mentally unstable. I don't plan to tell her.
I was NEVER planning on telling them when the events of planning her viewing, funeral, etc was going on because I know it's irrational to stir up more emotional distress on top of everything else. My mother's close friends who loved her very much wanted me to tell them (they also hated her family) but I know they were not being rational due to loosing a close friend, I did not listen. She is dead, and the funeral was for those who loved her and wanted to celebrate her life and memories. My aunts admitted their guilt at her funeral.
But some months have passed after everything and I'm not sure if there would ever be a good time to tell them. Should I just tuck it away and never say anything? Or maybe in a few years? I know it's going to hurt them. I can't imagine what it would also do to my grandma (who is still struggling with my mom's death, despite controversy- my mom was her favorite daughter because my mom took care of gma for decades), knowing that her dying wish was to exclude her own child and her sisters from her funeral/service.
I'm leaning towards not saying anything, ever, or if the time is right in a few years maybe I will tell them. But like I said they live for gossip and drama so.... It might not ever be a good idea, I don't think they'll grow up from it.
Any insight and thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
I mean you ignored your mother's dying wish (wisely) and now, having done the smart thing, you want to be a loving pinhead and drag up all that 'drama' and for what?
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Jul 27, 2018 10:36
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- Buzkashi
- Feb 4, 2003
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College Slice
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Whats the OPs gender identity?
Wherever they are on the spectrum, OP needs to accept that gender roles and perceived gender identities are a thing in the world.
Found the MIL's account
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Jul 27, 2018 12:57
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- Ebola Roulette
- Sep 13, 2010
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No matter what you win lose ragepiss.
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MIL burnt all of my son’s dresses. Wife is doing not a drat thing about it!
Good dad, bad mum.
So, rather than sitting them down and having a talk that she's concerned her grandson might get made fun of for wearing dresses, she burns his loving clothes?
Dude needs to get his wife into therapy. I'm guessing she probably suffered abuse worse than having your possessions burned and her normal meter is hosed. If she won't go into therapy divorce her rear end.
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Jul 27, 2018 13:14
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- Cythereal
- Nov 8, 2009
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I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.
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Regular run of the mill turbo-loving your life
Me [23 M] with my FWB [38 F] of a year, gotten into a horrible situation, completely lost
I'm not a fan of abstinence-only education, but "Don't finish inside a girl if you're not comfortable with the possibility of getting her pregnant" really is a lesson that needs to be taught in schools.
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Jul 27, 2018 13:39
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- the holy poopacy
- May 16, 2009
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hey! check this out
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Fun Shoe
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Whats the OPs gender identity?
Wherever they are on the spectrum, OP needs to accept that gender roles and perceived gender identities are a thing in the world.
kids don't really start self-policing their gender roles until they're a little older, the dad's just letting his 5-year-old be a 5-year-old. he's not really getting up to anything that most kids don't do.
regardless, "my grandson is doing something that might attract negative attention if he doesn't grow out of it" is not really a good reason to rip a kindergartener's toy away and burn it in front of them
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Jul 27, 2018 13:46
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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Personally, I like your mother's hatred of Pooh the most.
It's the little things that say so much. I was a big fan of Calvin & Hobbes as a kid, once my mother cheerfully told me that eventually Calvin's parents got sick of his behaviour and murdered him.
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Jul 27, 2018 14:23
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- Freudian
- Mar 23, 2011
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It's the little things that say so much. I was a big fan of Calvin & Hobbes as a kid, once my mother cheerfully told me that eventually Calvin's parents got sick of his behaviour and murdered him.
That's entirely in the spirit of Calvin & Hobbes parenting IMO.
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Jul 27, 2018 14:27
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- Flutieflakes017
- Feb 16, 2012
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only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain
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Strap-in folks, we’re on the train... tho Boozetown.
I am [40M] fighting with wife [35F] over her wine consumption - is she just a "wine mom" or is it a problem?
My God, nursing two glasses of wine after nine days alone watching three young children, one of whom is teething?! Admitting to looking forward to a couple glasses of wine once her husband got home?! A single mimosa on a play date?!
From the title, I was expecting it to be like, one of those moms that would get so cranked-out hammered that she missed her kid’s kindergarten graduation or something.
Seriously, what a weenie.
*mocks teetotaler's overblown concern for his wife, has drinking problem*
Matching values are so much more important than matching interests.
Does not letting yourself get fat count as a value?
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Jul 27, 2018 14:36
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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Does not letting yourself get fat count as a value?
That's just compounding interest at play.
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Jul 27, 2018 14:44
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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[26f] super pregnant and super sick of my bf [32] of 5 years
quote:
I'm 37 weeks along, so only 3 weeks to go (if I make it that far).
I found out I was pregnant in December. I've been on BC since we've been dating, so it was definitely an accident and pretty scary not having planned for it. But I always wanted to be a mom someday and had confidence in myself that I could make it work. My bf and I were both happy.
Thing is, I stepped up, but my bf didn't. At the time, he'd been "in between jobs" for about 6 months. I had just quit my job a month prior for a better one, so I knew I wouldn't qualify for maternity leave (you have to be employed there for at least a year) meaning we had to get our asses in gear and start saving NOW. I took every shift I could, even encouraging co-workers to take the day off so I could steal their hours. My boss told me I needed to chill out because I was getting too much overtime for their comfort. But I did what I could while I was still physically able. It was tough. I would wake up, puke, then drag my rear end outside to clean snow off the car and work, sometimes for 14 hours. On my feet. It was a trendy, popular high-volume scratch kitchen/bar right next to a mall in the middle of the holiday season. I'd have to clean before opening, do massive amounts of prep in-between line cooking and going to the bathroom, then I'd take on dish duty til it slowed down later at night. It SUCKED. And at the time we were sleeping on a blow up mattress in someone's living room. Which meant if our roommates wanted to stay up and party til 4am, I'd just have to deal and go to work on 2-3 hours sleep.
My boyfriend didn't find a job til late February. He would apply a bunch of places and never follow up. He'd spend about an hour a week "job-searching" and tell me he's doing his best. By this point I was having serious doubts about him and was even getting depressed. I was busting my rear end, working, taking the car for repairs, looking at places to live and doing every little productive thing I could while he just sort of breezed by day by day on Netflix. Him getting a job made me feel better and I regained a little hope. Except it was a crap job with low pay and few hours.
Then something happened, that I consider the official moment that I thought "this is not right. This is hosed." About an hour into my shift one night, I passed out. Just hit the floor like a ton of bricks in the middle of the kitchen. I was only out for maybe a minute and by then my boss had called paramedics and my co-workers were sitting around me, telling me not to get up and having me sip water even though I insisted I was fine. Paramedics came, I was able to stand, my blood sugar was fine and they asked if I wanted an ambulance. I said no, because America. I tried convincing my boss to let me keep working but he made me call my bf and said not to come to my next shift til I had a doctor's note. When my bf picked me up, I told him I wanted to go to the ER to get checked out, better safe than sorry cause of baby. He argued against it cause it was late and he had to work the next day, but relented and took me anyway. I was just dehydrated but they stuck me with IV fluids and we didn't get home til about 1am. I fell asleep and went to work 6 hours later, doctors note in hand. Found out a few hours later that my bf called in sick to his 12pm, 4 hour shift because he was "still tired from last night". That seemed so hosed up to me.
In April, we moved 1000 miles out of state to live with my mom because my work began cutting my hours for health reasons and I had very little faith that we would be able to do this alone. Looking back, I wonder if I should have just left him and came here alone. But I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he'd do better. My mom told me not to look for work, but I tried anyway and got turned down multiple times when my pregnancy came up. Bf didn't start working til June, despite my mom trying to hook him up with people who would hire him. He found a poo poo gas station job, also with low pay. But now since he's working, he's stopped helping out around the house and gets pissed about running errands with me because "it's my day off" or "I have to work today". I feel bad asking his help for anything and end up doing everything myself even though it feels like someone kicked me in the crotch every time I walk and am still battling nausea. And I haven't slept for longer than 2-3 hours at a time for months. Also, I forgot to mention, he has been prioritizing pot when he gets his paychecks. Buys weed first and then uses the rest (not much) for bare necessities. If we have nothing in the bank account, are low on gas, need shampoo etc, and someone gives him a $5 tip at work, you bet your rear end it is gonna go to weed. Guess who ends up always covering our butts? My mom. She fills the gas tank when we have nothing. She buys me shampoo when he blows all of his money.
Today was when I finally cracked. This morning, he was supposed to go to a paid training class. My mom pulled strings to get him hired into her company, where he'd be making double his current pay, have benefits, good hours and all he'd have to do is drive around all day. Before they hire him, he has to go to paid training classes and then take a test, which my mom's friend is willing to cover the cost of. It's a fantastic opportunity and I'd be doing it myself if I wasn't a ticking birth bomb. He went to one class a few weeks ago, then skipped the rest, telling me "it's not mandatory and they gave me a packet. All I gotta do is study it and go in for the test." Packet has actually collected dust now. Then last week my mom said he was scheduled to come in for classes, but was labeled no call no show each day. Said he should have already taken the test and been out in the lot (driver training). He said "oh I didn't realize" so mom's friend re-scheduled him for this morning to take the paid class. I woke up at 9, asked him why he wasn't gone yet. He tells me he is gonna call the lady later and let her know he can only come in on Mondays and Tuesdays when he doesn't work, cause he doesn't want to spend 4 hours in class and then go to work for 8 hours. For 3 days. I just sat there, silent, before bursting into tears. I'm not the type of person to lose their poo poo, but I lost it, people. I cried, I yelled. "I'm giving birth any day now! You've had so many opportunities and so much time to help our situation and you waste it! I feel loving helpless right now that I can't contribute financially. We are in the south, in 100 degree weather and the AC in the car STILL isn't fixed! How are we gonna take the baby home?? We'll have to use my mom's two seater. We've needed an oil change since April. I haven't even been able to treat myself to a frozen yogurt in months cause I don't feel comfortable spending the money. Yet there is always, ALWAYS weed in your stash. This is MESSED UP!" "Chill out! Why are you such a bitch right now?" "SERIOUSLY? I am ALWAYS chill. I'm the chillest person you know and have been patient and kind through this whole pregnancy, even when you couldn't do the same! And don't you DARE call me a bitch for finally getting angry! I'm doing everything I can while you procrastinate and do the bare minimum. You skipped work yesterday cause you were nauseous and I babied you ALL DAY. I even rubbed your back directly after puking and pissing myself. I'm over it and you need to get your poo poo together if this is going to work". He went on to get pissed, saying I shouldn't be doing such nice things if I'm just going to throw it in his face, he's doing his best and I'm not being appreciative, etc. I shut down, went to another room and haven't spoken to him since. He's at work now. I'm just so angry and trying to calm down, so there's been a lot of venting and probably unnecessary details in this post. I'm sorry it's gotten this long winded.
Now I don't know what to do. Ultimately, I want what's best for the baby, and I no longer feel confident that keeping my bf is part of that. But if he leaves, I don't even know where he'd go. There's no way he's gonna find an affordable place with his lovely paycheck and lack of responsibility. Also, if he leaves I'll have to solely rely on my mom financially and I don't want to do that to her. We could send him back up north on a bus, where he has family, but then co-parenting becomes an issue. Regardless of his bullshit, I still love him and I don't want to deprive him of seeing our son, and deprive our son of seeing him. But I also don't want our son feeding off of the stress of our strained relationship. I don't want to end up working, scheduling appointments and taking on majority baby care because my bf is too lazy. Weirdly, I'd be fine with it if I was alone. I'm just not fine with it when there's a perfectly capable father around who chooses inactivity instead.
TL;DR about to give birth and have become incredibly resentful towards my bf for not putting in as much effort as he could have for the last 9 months. Now I'm depressed and worried about the future for us and our baby.
Abort the boyfriend, once you’re cleared to work, take that paid test and get that driving job he’s too poo poo lazy to take.
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Jul 27, 2018 14:54
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- TheScott2K
- Oct 26, 2003
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I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.
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[26f] super pregnant and super sick of my bf [32] of 5 years
Abort the boyfriend, once you’re cleared to work, take that paid test and get that driving job he’s too poo poo lazy to take.
Holy poo poo.
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Jul 27, 2018 14:58
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 13, 2024 02:06
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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Please tell me literally every single comment is telling her to dump his rear end yesterday and there's not a single dissenting opinion besides the severity to which she should drop him. Off a building, perhaps.
That, and some really poignant ones about women that made it as single moms:
quote:
I experienced this with my eldest son's father. I finally lost all respect when both my son and I had the respiratory flu and fevers of almost 105. I literally could not stay conscious because of the fever and had been pounding coffee during his 6 hour McDonald's shift so I would be awake as possible for the baby, who was only 8 months old at the time. He got home and I pretty much collapsed and passed out. 20 minutes later he's shaking me awake because he's had a long day and wants to play Zelda, not take care of the baby. He got super angry that I would even expect that of him. I ended up driving the baby to the er myself since I finally had the car, he was pissed that I took the car because his friend needed a ride to work.
He left two days later because he didn't want the amount of responsibility that I expected of him.
I was about to turn 18, couldn't afford the apartment on my own and terrified.
I moved us into a little studio and found two daycare jobs that allowed me to bring my son. Had to get rid of a cat I had since I was 2 years old and walk 2 miles to the laundromat with my kiddo in a hiking backpack and carrying the laundry. That was still preferable to him being around.
I can pretty much guarantee that your mom would rather help you with all finances for a bit until you can work instead of having this parasite around.
I wouldn't worry about what he's going to do, that's his problem. Pack him up and ship him out.
Co-parenting likely won't be an issue, as he'll likely disappear to avoid child support and responsibility. And that's probably the best for your kid.
Throw all deadbeat man-children into a volcano.
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Jul 27, 2018 15:12
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Jul 27, 2018 06:04
because arsonists are almost never caught, so not only does he have a horribly destructive and illegal hobby, he's not even good at it
Tater Love 
