Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

«‹›6530 »

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

AP posted:

February 9th can't come soon enough.

Let's bleach

Dusty Lens fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Jan 8, 2018

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:40

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 14:11

ManofManyAliases: Mar 21, 2016; ToastOfManySmarts

Can't post for 3 hours!

Lladre posted:

The outcome of the trial is going to be exclusively decided by 12 people with bleached anuses.

That's hot.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:42

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Xaerael posted:

I just want to know why Leonard French is panhandling on Patreon and GoFundMe rather than doing actual attorney work? It's almost as if he's a lovely nobody who can't get a real job because he's not very good at his chosen profession.

I'm starting to think there might be money in telling these people what they want to hear.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:51

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

Dusty Lens posted:

Let's bleach

Let's rub bleach suddenly has new meaning.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:51

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Colostomy Bag posted:

Let's rub bleach suddenly has new meaning.

I feel like we're on the verge of a real breakthrough.

The birth of a 5th stimpire

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:56

Duckaerobics: Jul 22, 2007; Lipstick Apathy

Xaerael posted:

I just want to know why Leonard French is panhandling on Patreon and GoFundMe rather than doing actual attorney work? It's almost as if he's a lovely nobody who can't get a real job because he's not very good at his chosen profession.

To be fair to the guy he seems to be a decent copyright attorney who does a lot of discount/free stuff for youtubers and such who have issues. If I remember right he got fairly famous for helping H3H3 when they got sued for their videos.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:57

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

Duckaerobics posted:

To be fair to the guy he seems to be a decent copyright attorney who does a lot of discount/free stuff for youtubers and such who have issues. If I remember right he got fairly famous for helping H3H3 when they got sued for their videos.

Like many lawyers, he may just be fed up with how poo poo working in law is and want to earn a living doing something he actually enjoys.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:01

SPERMCUBE.ORG: Nov 3, 2011; Space commies are th' biggest threat t' red-blooded American Freedom we got in th' future. So me and my boys got to talking over a few hot dogs the other day and this is what we came up with...

Paramemetic posted:

Thinking about it a bit more, I'd be shocked if the word "exclusively" didn't fall between "to" and "embed" specifically and intentionally to prevent it from being interpreted as modifying "grants" from the pre-colon phrase.

Uh Star Citizen is exclusively post-colon though. :confused:

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:03

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Alchenar posted:

Like many lawyers, he may just be fed up with how poo poo working in law is and want to earn a living doing something he actually enjoys.

Maritime law is where it's at. Low competition and your clients generally have cash.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:07

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

Croberts68 posted:

I have got all of you beat and it's not even by a little bit.

Lets start at the beginning, I'm a moderately successful guy, I've been lucky to work with some really high quality people who have made me look like an absolute rockstar. I actually even got some decent B-List actors to work for me on a few projects and even got a reasonably hot, albeit failed commercial actress to marry me. I was a movie producer for a minute and even though I lost more money than I made, the "hollywood" contacts I made put me in good enough standing to be able to piggyback smaller amount of funding on to larger projects and turn a pretty solid net.

Problem is my wife really started to just grate on me about her getting work, and the loving Turtle of my RL Entourage kept telling people we were gonna make a big gently caress off videogame. So I'm kinda stuck in a weird spot where I just wanna start funding high budget porno and maybe trade in the wife for a different kind of actress before the money starts to come in and she's entitled to a lot more. Seriously, I've never seen a girl with such a long neck not be able to make it down to the balls, but whatever that's not part of this story. So fuckin Turtle gets me stuck telling potential investors about a videogame that I am literally just making up as I talk to them while throwing out some buzzwords I read in Wired, but the crazy part is they start to eat this poo poo up. Talking about the "upward profit paradigm" in gaming starts to get these loving app developers turned investors as hard as a rock so I see a chance to do something.

So I get Turtle to call some friends and we set up on this website where you make empty promises to nerds and they throw cash at you. So I get a youtube made by my buddy Gil who has a business making music videos for teenage girls who think they're gonna be the next Kesha/Iggy and he green screens my poo poo up so I look like pudgy Scottish Spaceman Spiff. I'm thinking we might make like 2 mil and I can finance a 300K game, pocket the rest and start shooting facial scat porn by Q2 2013. But something far crazier happens, loving nerds start making GBS threads their entire lifesavings on my fiscal chest like some kind of Gordon Gecko inspired Cleveland Steamer. By the end of it I'm sitting on like 12 mil. Nerds, dude. Fuckin nerds.

So Now I'm thinking "How far can I ride this gravytrain before I actually have to do anything?" so I start up my own website, hired some kid out of Irvine of Craigslist to do it (because gently caress Angie's List, I ain't paying poo poo to get some pimple faced kid to poo poo out a paypal button and spaceship drawings) and sure enough I've got 30 million USD and loving Turtle has promoted himself to my assistant. Which would be fine but he keeps insisting on setting up his office near mine but that poo poo's on the East side of the building, so every morning it smells like someone is cooking maple bacon when the sunlight hits his chair. But then the dreams started. I kept having this nightmare where it starts off awesome, I'm banging some coked out 19 year old starlet on a space yacht, but then the space-IRS shows up with my wife, they use her cheekbones to cut through my hull and they tell me I'm going to jail for spaceship-fraud.

So I finally decide to actually make it look like I'm going to make a game and I get my little bro, who's actually a pretty bitchin programmer/producer and I get him to hire a bunch of his work buddies to work in our hometown. But then my loving wife decides that our house in Texas sucks so we have to move back to LA and open an office there so she can "pursue her career", I wanted to tell her they don't make fish-stick commercials any more and no one is going to be casting any parts for "Mostly Fuckable Witch" now that Angie Jolie has fallen to doing Disney poo poo other than the Sci Fi channel. But whatever, LA gets me closer to those desperate 23 year old college drop outs that can pass for 18, so I go with it.

Problem with LA is ol' Turtle decides he needs to still be near me, so I end up realizing the Maple bacon smell from his office isn't from the sunlight hitting his chair, it's from him drinking pancake and bacon smoothies. But now I have to look "active" so I start doing a weekly internet interview where nerds ask me stupid rear end questions about the "game" and I answer them. At first they wanted to have some of the nerds who run the site look at the questions first so they could type up answers for me, but I got bored reading their answers 3 questions in and now I'm making a space game where you can play Call of Duty and the Sims at the same time. Seriously kids, stay away from cocaine, I had to be hit with a tranq dart when someone started to ask me about voxels.

But then after like 20 of these one of the guys working on the game decides I can't be trusted talking to people, so he wants to make a new Youtube show. I figure this is my chance to get rid of my two biggest problems, so I get Turtle and my wife to make this fake news show where they get random nerds from IT and poo poo to talk about spaceships and the right way to draw them or whatever while I go to gaming conventions, where pussy flows like wine if you've got a "Special Presenter" Pass, just wish I could have got on this circuit back when Olivia Munn hadn't yet realized she could do better than videogame news.

It also helps that I'm like 70 million deep at this point too, so I'm actually bagging booth babes, not just the girls with low enough self esteem to dress up like animes and not get paid. So I think "what the hell, lets see what happens when I start selling spaceships I just drew in paint and make my dorky brother actually put them in the game, and the weirdest loving thing happens, I make another 20 million and magazines are writing stories about how much of a genius I am. And everytime I tell some nerd about something, it will always make some other nerds so mad they spend days freaking out on the internet. I'm pretty sure if I announce a partnership with My Little Pony, I could probably make 50 million and cause a few dozen suicides.

gently caress I love griefing

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:11

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

i just wanted to have that in my post history

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:11

ZenMaster: Jan 24, 2006; I Saved PC Gaming

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:24

grimcreaper: Jan 7, 2012

SomethingJones posted:

I heartily laughed at this, and seriously shitposted this response fully intentionally whilst completely naked

Im glad i could manage to bring some joy. It has given me so many laughs through the years.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:30

Toops: Nov 5, 2015; -find mood stabilizers
-also,

big nipples big life posted:

i just wanted to have that in my post history

dead

was that a goon post itt??

edit: from a different thread, like 2015. Gold.

Toops fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Jan 8, 2018

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:35

boviscopophobic: Feb 5, 2016

Toops posted:

dead

was that a goon post itt??

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2886637&pagenumber=493&perpage=40#post445528655

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:37

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

Dusty Lens posted:

Maritime law is where it's at. Low competition and your clients generally have cash.

I wrote a 40k word dissertation on the conceptual nature of Maritime Liens and I loving hated myself for it.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:46

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Alchenar posted:

I wrote a 40k word dissertation on the conceptual nature of Maritime Liens and I loving hated myself for it.

Yeah but now you're an expert on underwater mortgages.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:49

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Alchenar posted:

I wrote a 40k word dissertation on the conceptual nature of Maritime Liens and I loving hated myself for it.

And now you have to salute anything with a gold fringe.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 17:55

Gravity_Storm: Mar 1, 2016

I just realised how boring all this legal poo poo actually is. Struggling to care. Might buy an Idris to cheer myself up.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:01

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Dusty Lens posted:

Maritime law is where it's at. Low competition and your clients generally have cash.

You're a crook, Captain Hook...

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:02

Dewgy: Nov 10, 2005; ~🚚special delivery~📦

Paramemetic posted:

Ambiguity stuff

This is a much better explanation of the question I asked a few pages ago, and I can't help but notice that Derek hasn't posted since. :v:

This is gonna be a fun legal mess of a trial, that's for sure.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:04

Canine Blues Arooo: Jan 7, 2008; when you think about it...i'm the first girl you ever spent the night with; Grimey Drawer

Every actual lawyer I've seen who's weighed in on this has said that Crytek's case is kinda flimsy, and that the GLA is weak. This includes Leonard French, YouTube Law, and two guys in Reddit who did actual analysis.

This thread honestly deflects reality as well as t_d. If an event or fact doesn't line up with what you want to believe, then everyone who's saying as much must be wrong, right?

It's honestly pathetic to see. This thread is a lot more fun when SA is acting as the rationale audience, not the group that wants to see this fall so badly they make poo poo up.

Star Citizen is still enough of a disaster that you don't need to fabricate incompetence.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:12

AlbieQuirky: Oct 9, 2012; Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

Gravity_Storm posted:

I just realised how boring all this legal poo poo actually is. Struggling to care. Might buy an Idris to cheer myself up.

Can we create another thread for people's armchair opinions about the lawsuit? Because that would be awesome.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:14

Sarsapariller: Aug 14, 2015; Occasional vampire queen

Toops posted:

Skimmed the thread and every page is the intolerable, unintelligible musings of non lawyers, pondering the nature of the origin of the meaning of the word meaning.

See ya when the lawsuit�s over I guess, because holy poo poo this is like reading r/sc.

I am also skipping 90% of posts but I find some humor in the whole thing. With every new controversy, Star Citizen just proves that you don't actually have to do anything or be competent anymore to make money. Just keep your suckers endlessly outraged and debating the newest controversy while you empty their pockets. Let's say this thing with the courts is resolved successfully. There's still no game. It is nowhere to be seen. Let's say, miraculously, the courts thing is resolved and they release a product this year. It's gonna suck. Every indication given so far is that the product is mechanically a complete failure.

It's just layer after layer of failure, but we've reached the point where the citizenry (and this thread) is laser focused on the minutiae of the most recent flaky crust layer and forgets the rest of the poo poo balaklava that is this company's history. I fully expect to swing by the thread a year from now for a riveting debate over international money laundering case law, RICO charges, and literal horse racing, while not one single piece of the previous layers in the failstack has been resolved to anyone's satisfaction.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:15

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

There's no outcome where Ortwin is not shown as utter poo poo at his job, right?

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:18

The Titanic: Sep 15, 2016; Unsinkable

alphabettitouretti posted:

The best part of all this is that it does not matter if the Crobber and Tickler dream team come out on top in any legal battle. There was already good reason to think their financial situation was shaky, and Star Citizen is still a gigantic fuckshow that's never going to meet the insane expectations.

Yeah but think of it this way: if they win the lawsuit, Star Citizen is basically a finished game and so is S42 and both are pretty much done.

The best part of this lawsuit is now when the game continues to suck, people can blame it on CryTek for distracting them.

There�s no way this can�t be good for CIG, outside of catastrophic failure and they lose everything to CryTek as a comedy option.

But even then... CryTek might actually finish Star Citizen then. :aaa:

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:21

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

Canine Blues Arooo posted:

Every actual lawyer I've seen who's weighed in on this has said that Crytek's case is kinda flimsy, and that the GLA is weak. This includes Leonard French, YouTube Law, and two guys in Reddit who did actual analysis.

This thread honestly deflects reality as well as t_d. If an event or fact doesn't line up with what you want to believe, then everyone who's saying as much must be wrong, right?

It's honestly pathetic to see. This thread is a lot more fun when SA is acting as the rationale audience, not the group that wants to see this fall so badly they make poo poo up.

Star Citizen is still enough of a disaster that you don't need to fabricate incompetence.

you are going to get so many copy pasted definitions posted to you

also calling that someone will call you an idiot.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:23

Streetroller: Jun 11, 2016

Canine Blues Arooo posted:

Every actual lawyer I've seen who's weighed in on this has said that Crytek's case is kinda flimsy, and that the GLA is weak. This includes Leonard French, YouTube Law, and two guys in Reddit who did actual analysis.

This thread honestly deflects reality as well as t_d. If an event or fact doesn't line up with what you want to believe, then everyone who's saying as much must be wrong, right?

It's honestly pathetic to see. This thread is a lot more fun when SA is acting as the rationale audience, not the group that wants to see this fall so badly they make poo poo up.

Star Citizen is still enough of a disaster that you don't need to fabricate incompetence.

Yeah Okay. Leonard French deflects a Youtube copyright violation from a crazy person, suddenly he's a law wizard. (Note the hat)
Any talent manager with a basic understanding of copyright law can do the same thing, and does it every day.

I used to represent BlastphamousHD. That poo poo was practically my daily routine.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:23

Colostomy Bag: Jan 11, 2016; C-Bangin' it

SelenicMartian posted:

There's no outcome where Ortwin is not shown as utter poo poo at his job, right?

What part of "fire and fury" do you not understand. The man/corpse/vampire is a legend.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:27

Dusty Lens: Jul 1, 2015; All Glory unto the Stimpire. Give up your arms and legs and embrace the beautiful agony of electricity that doubles in pain every second.

Here are my opinions on the matter or the people talking about the matter.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:28

Preen Dog: Nov 8, 2017

Technicalities aside, it's clear that CiG tried to get out of the deal without delivering what was implicitly agreed; a game with the Crytek logo on it, released in 2015ish. Crytek delivered as agreed; support making demos and a practically free engine license.

Darn right a lot of people here hope that CiG doesn't get away with it.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:32

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

Colostomy Bag posted:

What part of "fire and fury" do you not understand. The man/corpse/vampire is a legend.

Crytek wins: Ortwin's fire and fury is :flaccid:

CIG wins: Ortwin's GLA is a pile of poo poo.

And then some random email will positively ID him as the tickler halfway through.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:35

TheAgent: Feb 16, 2002; The call is coming from inside Dr. House; Grimey Drawer

Canine Blues Arooo posted:

Every actual lawyer I've seen who's weighed in on this has said that Crytek's case is kinda flimsy, and that the GLA is weak. This includes Leonard French, YouTube Law, and two guys in Reddit who did actual analysis.

This thread honestly deflects reality as well as t_d. If an event or fact doesn't line up with what you want to believe, then everyone who's saying as much must be wrong, right?

It's honestly pathetic to see. This thread is a lot more fun when SA is acting as the rationale audience, not the group that wants to see this fall so badly they make poo poo up.

Star Citizen is still enough of a disaster that you don't need to fabricate incompetence.

if you don't think the FKKS response is a badly worded mash up of mock anger and barely put together defenses, I don't know what to say. just like, read the thing and try not to lol

everyone's all hung up on the "exclusivity" thing but there's so, so much in there that is seriously :laffo:

and I'm enjoying the comedy wholeheartedly

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:39

Beet Wagon: Oct 19, 2015

Canine Blues Arooo posted:

Every actual lawyer I've seen who's weighed in on this has said that Crytek's case is kinda flimsy, and that the GLA is weak. This includes Leonard French, YouTube Law, and two guys in Reddit who did actual analysis.

This thread honestly deflects reality as well as t_d. If an event or fact doesn't line up with what you want to believe, then everyone who's saying as much must be wrong, right?

It's honestly pathetic to see. This thread is a lot more fun when SA is acting as the rationale audience, not the group that wants to see this fall so badly they make poo poo up.

Star Citizen is still enough of a disaster that you don't need to fabricate incompetence.

They're just refilling the tank for when we hit the next "goons laughing at goons" phase of the thread

I agree that this poo poo is sad, but also I won't begrudge people diving into something a little too deep now that there's something to dive into.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:39

Toops: Nov 5, 2015; -find mood stabilizers
-also,

Gravity_Storm posted:

I just realised how boring all this legal poo poo actually is. Struggling to care. Might buy an Idris to cheer myself up.

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:40

Dementropy: Aug 23, 2010

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:40

Phi230: Feb 2, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

The lawsuit is both the best and worst thing to happen to this thread and Feb 9 can't come soon enough

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:41

Lladre: Jun 28, 2011; Soiled Meat

Dusty Lens posted:

Here are my opinions on the matter or the people talking about the matter.

Just to be clear, we're the tail right?

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:47

AP: Jul 12, 2004; One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them; Grimey Drawer

Canine Blues Arooo posted:

Every actual lawyer I've seen who's weighed in on this has said that Crytek's case is kinda flimsy, and that the GLA is weak. This includes Leonard French, YouTube Law, and two guys in Reddit who did actual analysis.

This thread honestly deflects reality as well as t_d. If an event or fact doesn't line up with what you want to believe, then everyone who's saying as much must be wrong, right?

It's honestly pathetic to see. This thread is a lot more fun when SA is acting as the rationale audience, not the group that wants to see this fall so badly they make poo poo up.

Star Citizen is still enough of a disaster that you don't need to fabricate incompetence.

Well they couldn't all be wrong could they? I swear some people are dumb as hell, in my opinion CIG are hosed purely on the termination clause, never mind the fact that they are likely still using parts of non-lumberyard cryengine. Which would mean the splash screen is faked and unable to be fixed as they couldn't then use lumberyard at all.

Read all the legal crap yourself and form your own opinion, "expert" opinions should inform your opinion, not dictate it. What's the worst that can happen if you actually engage your own brain?

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 14:11

TheAgent: Feb 16, 2002; The call is coming from inside Dr. House; Grimey Drawer

I mean, just some of those legal things already revealed some :lol:

stuff re: refunds

like did you know the old Ascendant Pictures address is the same loving address, including suite number, as Twin Bros, the business that issues some of the biggest Star Citizen refunds? And we already knew that Twin Bros was run by Ortwin, but it's hilarious that they just changed a sign and Ascendant became Twin Bros

# ? Jan 8, 2018 18:50

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

«‹›6530 »