/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Clawtopsy: Dec 17, 2009; What a fascinatingly unusual cock. Now, allow me to show you my collection...

christmas boots posted:

Oh great so now every full moon they become autistic.

lol

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:26

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 19:03

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

hawowanlawow posted:

who cares about embarrassing some drunk idiot? gently caress em

sure, the drunk sexting lady is real bad and sucks. but the boss is also bad for responding "not tonight" to bait out drunk sexts knowing that his employees can read this conversation, and then allowing employee nudes to sit around on in the common shared folder without warning anyone or doing anything to prevent his employees from seeing the explicit photos which he knows are there

Dazerbeams posted:

Do you not read �Not tonight � as a no? Women do this all the time when they�re trying to avoid making an uncomfortable situation worse. Oh wait.

don't think you can equate "some women" with "your boss" in terms of power differential and the tools people can use to stop awful conversation. "some women" can't threaten to fire you, for instance

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:26

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

luxury handset posted:

sure, the drunk sexting lady is real bad and sucks. but the boss is also bad for responding "not tonight" to bait out drunk sexts knowing that his employees can read this conversation, and then allowing employee nudes to sit around on in the common shared folder without warning anyone or doing anything to prevent his employees from seeing the explicit photos which he knows are there

don't think you can equate "some women" with "your boss" in terms of power differential and the tools people can use to stop awful conversation. "some women" can't threaten to fire you, for instance

I said gently caress em

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:38

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

luxury handset posted:

don't think you can equate "some women" with "your boss" in terms of power differential and the tools people can use to stop awful conversation. "some women" can't threaten to fire you, for instance

Even more onus on the woman then not to make a drunken come on within a week of employment, huh?

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:42

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

The Mouse Parents story is an immediate entry into the thread Hall of Fame. I'll be thinking about it for at least a week.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:43

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

luxury handset posted:

sure, the drunk sexting lady is real bad and sucks. but the boss is also bad for responding "not tonight" to bait out drunk sexts knowing that his employees can read this conversation, and then allowing employee nudes to sit around on in the common shared folder without warning anyone or doing anything to prevent his employees from seeing the explicit photos which he knows are there

don't think you can equate "some women" with "your boss" in terms of power differential and the tools people can use to stop awful conversation. "some women" can't threaten to fire you, for instance

You have a really weird obsession with the idea that anything that isn�t a straight �No, never do that again� is secretly saying yes and actually manipulation.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:45

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

chitoryu12 posted:

You have a really weird obsession with the idea that anything that isn’t a straight “No, never do that again” is secretly saying yes and actually manipulation.

it's strange to try to frame me as obsessed for pointing out that "not tonight" is ambiguous and invites further contact but then again i've never had much luck trying to explain the finer points of social nuance and communication to goons

let alone the fact that the dude, you know, admitted this was exactly what he was doing, to reddit. good luck to you though as you continue to turn this over in your mind

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:51

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

zakharov posted:

The Mouse Parents story is an immediate entry into the thread Hall of Fame. I'll be thinking about it for at least a week.

It's one of those where if I found out it was fake I'd be happy.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:53

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

VanSandman posted:

It's one of those where if I found out it was fake I'd be happy.

If it's fake I want to see more of the author's work because drat.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:57

JonathonSpectre: Jul 23, 2003; I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck; Soiled Meat

zakharov posted:

The Mouse Parents story is an immediate entry into the thread Hall of Fame. I'll be thinking about it for at least a week.

Do the Mouse Parents have adult friends? When they come over do they talk to them as mice?

There's been a lot of weird poo poo in this thread but man.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 14:57

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Telemaze posted:

Is the idea of a giant psychic rat king from somewhere in particular? Sounds really familiar but I can't place it.

Either that or we're both picking up on Timothy's dark powers, idk.

I was specifically thinking of The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:05

welcome: Jun 28, 2002; rail slut

christmas boots posted:

Oh great so now every full moon they become autistic.

lol

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:09

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

for some reason i had the ability to smell the mouse parents' house, and mate, it did not smell good

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:17

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

TIL that I’ve been sexually assaulting my wife for 7 years.

quote:

Just had a sit down with my db ll wife last night. I haven’t been hugged, kissed or touched in the last 2 years and have been really wanting any affection. Sex has been near nothing and all she ever does it lay there after initiated.

I came out to her 1 year into our 7 year marriage and communicated that I was bisexual. She was disgusted and wouldn’t talk about it. We’ve mutually had threesomes (years 1-5) in the past and have had a very free and open sex life. Randomly she starts shutting down about 2 years ago, never sleeps in the same bed or acknowledges me. Whenever I sit next to her on the couch, she moves away or to the opposite side of the room.

We talked last night about my needs and she thinks that we should open the relationship up if she gets 75% of our tax refund. She is always making up things to stay in control. In addition to that, she stated that I have been sexually assaulting her for the last 7 years and that’s why she’s not sexual. It seems like she has tried out every excuse in the book in order not to change. She’s mad a vast majority of the time and her teen children call her out on it often.

According to her; me saying anything sexual to her more than twice in a day, kissing, hugging, cuddling, touching are all sexual abuses.

I am at a point where I should probably put in the separation paperwork and start the proceedings. Any other encouragement or ideas? She refuses to schedule consoling and says she will always change, but never does.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:23

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Pinecone Sample posted:

TIL that I�ve been sexually assaulting my wife for 7 years.

What the gently caress

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:26

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Pinecone Sample posted:

TIL that I’ve been sexually assaulting my wife for 7 years.

which online community has she been listening to?

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Pinecone Sample posted:

TIL that I’ve been sexually assaulting my wife for 7 years.

Oh hey, somebody I know. I mean, not these people, but like, this person

Get the divorce now buddy so I your kids don't have to watch you be unhappy for their entire life!

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:49

MasBrillante: Dec 3, 2005; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I want to send the mouse story to Jordan Peele and see what he can do with it.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 15:49

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

It was only on my second read of the rat story that I realized the parents yelled at her in character, as Timothy, the giant paper rat

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:02

Darkhold: Feb 19, 2011; No Heart❤️
No Soul👻
No Service🙅

MasBrillante posted:

I want to send the mouse story to Jordan Peele and see what he can do with it.

Get Out 2 where the paper rats are taking over black people's bodies...I'd watch it.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:05

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

therobit posted:

But he's such a perfect partner in every way except for believing I am a person who should be allowed agency or probably any human rights!

Oh, he thinks that she should be allowed to vote and have rights, just not all of those other women with inferior views.

He's garbage.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:05

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

I can't recall if mouse parents are in the US, but if they are, they'll probably have multiple high powered firearms.

Maybe even mousepuppet-sized ones

*Mouse voice* HANDS UP, YOU oval office! THAT'S NO WAY TO SPEAK TO OUR SON! SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE *Mouse voice*

*Cocks mousegun*

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:07

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

luxury handset posted:

"not tonight" is ambiguous and invites further contact

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:13

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Fight Man is definitely fake after this but his deterioration is great.

quote:

If you look at my last post you�ll see that I was fired today for a fight with a customer This morning.

I explained that I was gonna grab coffee and donuts and head back in tomorrow and try to sit down and talk to him about things.

Then I decided I should do it today because it shows more initiative and he had a few hours to stop being angry at me.

I went to Dunkin and grabbed him a iced mocha coffee and a dozen donuts. I then went over to Target and asked him to sit down with me for a minute. He took me into the office and was very rude right away. He just asked what I was doing back here in an annoyed tone. I explained that I was sorry and that I wanted my job back and asked if there was any way I could return. He chuckled and then explained that I attacked a customer and then went on reditt and posted about it. (I guess he uses Reddit and saw my post) he said there is no way in hell he would give me my job back. He then told me to get the gently caress out of his office. (Are they even allowed to swear at us?) He also told me to take the donuts and the coffee because he doesn�t trust anything I would give him.

I then grabbed the coffee opened the lid and threw it At him. Then I ran around his desk and tackled him into the wall. We wrestled for a second before he slammed me against his chair he was sitting in and he tried to restrain me. I then got him into a headlock for a second before he head butted me with the back of his head. I staggered backwards and then punched him. Then he kinda swayed a bit and then grabbed me by the throat and threw me against the wall. I then hit him with a head butt. He fell over and I got on top and started punching. I got like 3 punches in and then he threw one at me and I fell over. He then got on top punched me a few times and then choked me while screaming for someone to get LP to come in. Eventually LP and another associate ran in and body slammed me to the ground and threw me in handcuffs. They then asked the manager if he wanted them to call the police.

He said no to police but said that I am banned from Every Target in the USA. Will other Targets even know who I am? Is he even allowed to do that? What do I do now?

I�m proud of myself though. I stood my ground and I actually almost won this fight. I still got my rear end beat but I�m at least getting better at fighting. This guy was maybe an inch taller than me and had probably 50-60 pounds on me. He looked like he worked out a bit but he had no fighting background he was probably 55-60 years old.

quote:

I�m not healthy anymore guys. My face doesn�t even look the same as it once did honestly. My nose bleeds randomly. One of my eyes is really blurry now and has been since I got into the fight with the drug dealers. My hearing cuts out randomly. I get splitting head aches that come out of nowhere. Three of my teeth fell out. I have scars all over my body. I get stomach aches randomly and sometimes I throw up blood. I poop out blood too. My pee is a weird orange color lately. And my entire body aches from morning til night every single day.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:52

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

I can�t stop myself.

Why did my gay/trans daughter (apparently actually a son) cut me off? I only treated them like a subhuman.

Of course the only pushback I could find to suggest that being a massive shitheel is already quoted and basically amounts to �I see how being a religious nutjob is very hard for you, hopefully your LQBT kids learn to accept their status as lesser beings.

Estranged parent forum user posted:

Thanks to everyone for your replies and kind words � they are much appreciated! I do plan to buy the book for my wife, and I�ll read it too.

Delilah asked:

�Just wondering, if you feel able to accept her sex change decision, whether you could consider writing to her jointly, to say that you have had time to think about it, and love her, accept her decision and are here if she wants to re connect and to support her?�

I�m not sure what you mean by �accept.� We have no problem writing jointly to her, but we *don�t* �accept� her decision; we think it is a bad decision, unsound, unhinged from reality, and very rash. The consequences/ramifications, if she follows through, could be very difficult, long-term, irreversible, and destructive (to her). We would never cut her out of our lives � even if she goes through with all of it, and grows a beard down to her knees. Our love for her is unconditional� but we�re not going to pretend to be �OK� with her decision. She will always be our daughter � she can never be our son. That�s just reality, and I have a birth certificate, 20+ years of photographs, and her own DNA to prove it. I won�t ever call her by a man�s name � it�s just not happening. She is clearly under the impression that she can redefine her reality to accommodate this, but I don�t view reality that way (as re-definable), and I refuse to enter into her� well, �craziness� is all I can come up with.

Sheri said:

�From what you say, it sounds as if there is a value clash that may have been festering for some time on the part of your daughter. And that probably makes it even more complicated, even for the younger children maybe worried she is a sinner or going to He** or whatever. I�m not trying to pry, and am not making judgments either. Just want to convey that I �get� that this is complex on a lot of levels. Probably far more levels than I�ve considered.�

Yes, a value clash is definitely a very integral part of it.

If it was festering, there was never any indication that she wasn�t �on-board� with the values we raised her with. That part of this whole thing came out-of-the-blue too. She genuinely seemed happy, relatively involved in our Church life, and mentally/spiritually on the same page as we were. Maybe it was all an act, or maybe she hadn�t been too exposed to alternative or diametrically-opposed views.

I totally �get� that she may have just been going through the motions religiously (to please us?) or hesitant to say anything if she had qualms or doubts about our religion. Certainly we recognize she�s an adult and we *want* her to think critically and make up her own mind about things, and not just blindly accept the beliefs of others (or us) � we want her to be her own person, well-adjusted, a clear thinker, and all that. Obviously we�d hope that our children would grow into adults that also agree with our worldview, but we know that doesn�t always happen.

I think the values clash side of this is bigger than my wife and I first thought or expected� but a values clash doesn�t require cutting us out of her life! For example, our eldest daughter also abandoned the Church (we are Eastern Orthodox Christians), told us she was an atheist, and then later, told us she was gay. That was difficult for all of us too � we didn�t �accept� those new changes of atheism and homosexuality either � and my eldest understood that we wouldn�t, yet we still have a great relationship with her.

Our Orthodox Christian worldview is certainly very traditional and conservative, and not �in-step� with the culture � we understand that � but we�re not changing our fundamental worldview to appease my estranged daughter (or anyone else). If my faith meant less to me than it does, I might capitulate, but my faith is rock solid and unwavering. That said, the estrangement, the �cutting us out of her life� portion of all this, is the most difficult of all. Even if the whole gender thing wasn�t the driver, or if we were not religious at all, we�d still be heartbroken. We feel like we�ve lost our daughter, like she doesn�t love us anymore. And we love her and don�t want her to be hurting, or unhappy, or unforgiving, or resentful, or bitter � but right now she�s all of those things � and blames us for all of it.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:56

i vomit kittens: Apr 25, 2019

chitoryu12 posted:

Fight Man is definitely fake after this but his deterioration is great.

honestly if his typing had more misspellings and random letters in it i would totally believe it was real and that he's just constantly blacked out on phenazepam

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:57

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Bonus round

garbage dad posted:

I said, �No, that�s not what I said. But even a person who ***** an animal is still a human being, and they are someone who struggles with a sexual passion.� That angered my daughter, and she said, �So � I�m no better than a pedophile?�

I said (again), �That�s not what I said. But even if you were a pedophile, what I�m telling you is that I would still love you � no matter what you do, I will always love you.�

Then, she hung up on me, convinced I was equating her with a pedophile.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:59

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

fight man is like if jesus if jesus got his rear end kicked by every person on the way from the antonia fortress to golgotha

# ? Jul 10, 2019 16:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (25 F) boyfriend (24 M) of 5 years just disclosed to me that he does not believe women should be allowed to vote.
I�m upset and I can�t tell if I�m wrong to be upset about this because I know that everyone is entitled to have their own views

jfc look at what centrism does to peoples' brains

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:00

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Wow drat

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:01

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Fight man is as real as we want him to be. Hopefully when my husband and I have the gay son I always wanted, we will tell him that if he's good Fight Man will find him and let him kick his rear end. But only good boys get to kick his rear end.

*Places a random tooth under my son's pillow during the night*

My son, running up to me the next morning holding the tooth: Dad! Fight Man came last night! But I don't remember it?

You were really tuckered out after kicking his rear end, son! You must have been too tired to remember. But boy, you walloped him good!

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:02

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Propaniac posted:

Trust me, this one is better than the title suggests.

I'm [F34] pregnant and struggling with my husband's [M35] lack of support regarding my in-laws behaviour. How can I improve the situation?

LadyPictureShow posted:

In the finale, the OP wakes up, hog tied on the stage of an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese, with every mouse figurine circled around her.

The in-laws approach her and explain she doesn't need to worry, their second grandchild will be safe... with their older brother Timothy.

The OP shrieks that they're crazy, Timothy isn't real... until one squeaky voice, then many all start saying 'We are real!'

Plot twist! These 'figurines' are inanimate vessels holding the souls of their departed relatives. Timothy was OP's husband's first child that died in an accident, and is so lonely in his papier mache husk.

A nearly identical papier mache mouse effigy is brought into the stage as OP begins to scream...

Five Nights at Timothy's is actually scary again

DemoneeHo fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Jul 10, 2019

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:03

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

ParserGirl posted:

Roadside memorial decorations are tacky as hell and belong in the garbage. There used to be a guy who had a website with pictures of the worst examples he could find, interspersed with surprisingly respectful commentary about balancing the wishes of the family against the potential for distracting drivers.

Totally agree. Besides being eyesores, why TF would you want to memorialize the spot where someone died a horrible death?

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:06

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

DemoneeHo posted:

Five Nights are Timothy's is actually scary again

timothy.....

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:07

kru: Oct 5, 2003

Fightman character arc easily the most interesting, even beating out puppet-rat and pals

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:07

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

First he worked at Publix, now its Target?

Cmnon, get your fake story straight, you year 1 creative writing class piece of poo poo.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:09

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

cumshitter posted:

Fight man is as real as we want him to be. Hopefully when my husband and I have the gay son I always wanted, we will tell him that if he's good Fight Man will find him and let him kick his rear end. But only good boys get to kick his rear end.

*Places a random tooth under my son's pillow during the night*

My son, running up to me the next morning holding the tooth: Dad! Fight Man came last night! But I don't remember it?

You were really tuckered out after kicking his rear end, son! You must have been too tired to remember. But boy, you walloped him good!

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:09

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

I can�t stop myself.

Why did my gay/trans daughter (apparently actually a son) cut me off? I only treated them like a subhuman.

Of course the only pushback I could find to suggest that being a massive shitheel is already quoted and basically amounts to �I see how being a religious nutjob is very hard for you, hopefully your LQBT kids learn to accept their status as lesser beings.

Finally, an estranged parent story in which we are given an explicit reason for the estrangement. I hope this guy's son can find happiness away from his parents

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:10

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

The most centrist solution for compromise is that women should only be allowed to vote during their periods, thus ensuring they are at their most irritable and immune from feeeeemale natural inclination for extremely destructive policies like �human rights� for people who don�t sunburn in less than 15 minutes or anything wacky like job killing �maternity leave� or �adequate or affordable� single payer healthcare.

Both sides have value guys.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:11

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 19:03

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Smirking_Serpent posted:

She tried to play the "how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?" card and I said "Well, well, well, now you're concerned about safety?" and she just up and screamed.

Holy gently caress, this made me cackle.

Also, so glad I've never met anyone as insane as mice parents.

# ? Jul 10, 2019 17:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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