The Shortest Path posted:

ZoCrowes posted:

Holy poo poo I wish I caught this a few days earlier. Did you really just post a picture of George Irvine and call me a stroke. PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE tell me this is a joke post. That has to be the gayest loving thing I have ever seen. Ah well this makes me feel all special like an internet celebrity or something!

For those who don't know a "stroke" is a term used by some tech-wannabe divers who think that they are dive gods because they took an intro to tech diving course. Maybe even an NACD Cavern course. However most of these wannabes weigh about 300 pounds and talk more about diving on the internet than they actually dive.

What qualifies me to call myself a "wreck diver?" Maybe the NAUI Wreck Instructor cert I have. I rarely use it because deep wreck penetration holds little to no interest for me anymore. Whenever I do true wreck penetration I use a backplate, 7 foot primary hose, primary and backup reels etc. It's all a pain in the rear end to pack and take with me. I've been diving for over a decade. I do close to 200 dives a year. I've been a dive instructor since I was 18 years old and have been around diving my whole life. Not to brag but I just got back from Panama City and made 10 dives in 4 days. I am diving the Oriskany this weekend, Cozumel the week after that and then Key Largo (hopefully) the week after that. I don't have any shortage of diving experience. I made 14 dives last week. How many did you make?

What does this all boil down to? You're a huge loving fag. Do you whack it to George Irvine in his speedos?

Roth posted:

As much as I enjoy seeing Bust Rodd get clowned on, I think a dumb post and a melodramatic rebuttal is really stretching the definition of a saga

Nostalgamus posted:

I remember Koos Group being permabanned way back in the day, but I don't remember why. Presumably nothing too serious since he was eventually allowed to come back, but I'm wondering what exactly he did in the first place. Does anyone remember?

ulvir posted:

every once in a while the MS paint of someone pulling toilet paper between the butt cheeks over their back and neck pops into my head for inexplicable reasons. is that thread in the archives?

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

My partner is pregnant now, and whenever I feel like I'm not as good as I could be for her, I remember the goon who brought their laptop to the hospital and raided on wow while their wife was in labour

And then felt confident enough to inform the internet like that was cool, normal behaviour

Leal posted:

This is great. Only on SA can the phrase "Firefighters don't fight house fires as often because of increased awareness and buildings codes cause less fires." can be taken as a bad thing

E: Also

Lmao

ulvir posted:

also recalling the bachelor threads in early PYF, where goons would trip over eachother in an attempt at being the most disgusting and revolting human possible. I think that’s where classics like cumvase and the guy who would just piss through the holes in his floor came from

Danaru posted:

IIRC his guild immediately banned him with something to the tune of "Go be there for your wife you insane rear end in a top hat", which is the perfect ending to a story like that

Bogus Adventure posted:

poo poo lasagna is pretty good, but I don't have the thread for that.

Martin Random posted:

During our stay together, my roomie:

He brought his motorcycle into our common room because he was "afraid it would be stolen." This was fine, but then he started it and let it idle for 15 minutes without opening any windows, causing all of our stuff to smell like motor exhaust.

After his girlfriend left him, he went berserk in his private bathroom with a sledgehammer or a geologist's hammer and smashed all of his bathroom fixtures. I'm not sure of this but I believe that just before she left him she hosed some guy with pubic lice in my bed during a party.

His toilet was inoperative at this point, so he used mine for a time, until I refused him access. Later I would find out that he shat in garbage bags and kept them in the common room closet for weeks. More on this later.

He set fire to our carpet with alcohol during a party. He pissed in the fridge. He shat in the fridge. He shat in the crisper drawer. He shat on the oven top, and instead of cleaning it up, turned on the burner, reasoning that carbon is easier to clean than feces.

He left a dead cat he found somewhere in our oven for a week and forgot about it. I discovered it later.

He owned 6 tarantulas, and would let one run around free-range. He assured me he had "tamed it." I assured him he was a stupid fuckhead.

He never showered.

He sold drugs from his room. He smoked pot with his friends in the common area. He spilled bong water on two of my text books. He and his friends did cocaine off of the television set in the common area.

He had a party to which he invited too many people, and they spilled into my room. Strangers had sex in my room at that party. In my bed. One of them had pubic lice. Someone took a dump in my closet. Someone left a used condom in my slipper. I discovered all of these things after it was too late.

Morning after said party, my mother knocked on the front door, and a stranger from that party answered and immediately threw up on her legs.

Crackheads would regularly come by our apartment at all hours of the night trying to buy drugs because of his illicit activities. Whenever I answered the door and indicated that there was no crack to be had, they would sometimes get, desperate, belligerent and violent, and refuse to leave.

He put food products containing milk, meat and cheese on the heating unit and turned it on for three hours to see what would happen. I could've told him what would happen if he asked me.

He got angry at some video game he and his friends were playing in the common area, so he busted into my room while I was sleeping, and punched me in the face and stomach.

A few days later he put a tarantula in my bedsheets while I was sleeping. Thankfully I wasn't bitten, but I was freaked out and still sometimes jump out of bed in the middle of the night for no reason and attack my sheets.

He shat in a lot of our fixtures. He would put his poo poo in baggies and leave them in strange places. I was thankfull for when he used a baggie. A few words of advice for potential room-mates: A light fixture is not a toilet. A heating vent is not a toilet. The sink is not a toilet. The oven is not a toilet. That is all.

Martin Random posted:

I saw the familiar smashed bathroom fixtures, and I was very thankful for the vic's vaporub, but the stench stung my eyes still. There was a bathtub covered in newspapers. I proded it with my wrench and the newspapers gave way, like they were on top of jello or something soft and organic. I prodded it harder and what I can only describe as fecal fluid seeped from the sides of the newspaper. I think he was taking shits in the bathtub and covering it with newspapers, like some kind of foul lasagna. The leak was coming from under his sink, which he had dislodged through some violence. I could see the remains of a cinderblock on the pipe, so I think he might have been hitting the pipe with a cinderblock. I turned off the water to the sink, stopping the leak, and decided that it would be best if I left before he returned.

Kazinsal posted:

You gotta admit that "you're literally doing a disservice to actual clowns" is a pretty fuckin solid insult though

HelloIAmYourHeart posted:

Wotjek, I believe. Also had a thread about rehoming two golden retrievers because he didn't have enough time to care for them (due to raiding).

Wojtek posted:

I was crying earlier at the dog park over this. I don't know what to do

I don't think we can keep our dogs anymore. We just don't have the time to give them a good life.

We got Jack and Weston, golden retrievers, in October 09. We were so happy with them. They were like our babies. They were half inside, half outside dogs. This, of course, meant our backyard was completely wrecked. They got to go to the dog park 2-4 times a week. We took them places.

The day we brought them home:


Better days:


We now have a 2 year old baby and another one due in June. The dogs are no longer inside dogs because of the babies. The yard has been completely re-done and they are relegated to a 30x10 part of the side yard. I can only take them to the dog park on Sundays because my wife is always exhausted and I work full time. They've obviously put on weight from not being active enough.

Now we are moving to a new house and I will build them another area about the same size, maybe a little bigger if I can, but nothing else is changing. I don't feel like I'm giving them a good enough life.

I feel like the biggest failure of a dog owner. I don't know if I should try to find someone to adopt them or what.

Bonus - last week at the lake:

Queen Elizatits posted:

Oh you loving piece of poo poo Wojtek how dare you. Come in here whining for sympathy why don't you tell people the real reason you don't have any time?

For anyone who feels sorry for this rear end in a top hat he plays WoW a good 7-10 hours a day everyday. When his first kid was born, like literally crowning out of his wife's vagina, he had his laptop in the hospital and started bitching about the latency and got kicked from the raid because the raid leader couldn't believe he was missing his kid's birth. Not a single word of that is an exaggeration.

He used to play mainly with Goon Squad but he just server transferred because we weren't serious enough. How often do you actually raid a night now Woj, four hours I think you said?

gently caress you. Those poor poor dogs. You are a terrible person and you should feel bad. And you should feel bad for neglecting your kids too but I'm sure you don't.

I worked for an animal shelter for 10 years and people like you make me sick to my stomach.

I hope every time you find a toy they left behind or a stray dog hair you remember you had two animals that loved you unconditionally and you were their world. And you gave that up for purple pixels in a video game. And I hope you understand that it is incredibly traumatic for dogs to be rehomed no matter how great the rescue is and all they know now is they are sad and afraid and they want you to come get them.

Obstacle2 posted:

His mount collecting rank in the world, anyone who's played WoW will recognize that this is obviously not an issue of lack of free time.



The probably wrecked your yard because you weren't exercising them enough and they got bored and destructive, as most dogs do when they are neglected.

Captain Foxy posted:

I don't really care about WOW and birthing stories, what I find funny about this situation is the fact that Wojtek:
a) vehemently defended getting a puppy from a lovely breeder
b) vehemently defended getting two puppies at once, though told how difficult and time-consuming that would be
c) vehemently defended leaving said dogs outside all the time in the backyard with no actual structure, no crate training, no pre-kid socialization/baby training and total disregard for the things he was told in order to successfully raise his dogs to avoid littermate syndrome, ergo they now have littermate syndrome
and finally,
d) multiple times said things like 'I love my dogs and would never give them up' as a snotty defense when questioned/criticized about any of these choices or suggested things to change

In fact he's popped into a few other threads where other posters were being lovely/doing dumb things like leave dogs in backyards all day and white knighted them using his experience with his dogs as a defense.

Proper Hoodidge posted:

http://www.guildox.com/wow/toon/us/Blackrock/Wojtek

Average iLvl 572.0 Last Login 2014-02-27
Achievement Points 19000 Honorable Kills 5921
Battleground Rating 0 Raid Boss Kills 3993
Mounts 266 Unique Pets 507

Alts

Name Lv Server
Dadtime 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Falseflag 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Ranga 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Soltego 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Whoatek 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Wojciech 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Wojitek 90 Mal'Ganis-US
Wojtekk 90 Aegwynn-US
Wojtekk 90 The Venture Co-US

Slugworth posted:

505

shelley posted:

yep, cumvase was in the very first bachelor thread, i don’t remember which thread the floor pisser was though. the first thread was posted in 2009, and the last one died in late 2014

The Most Bachelor Thing You’ve Done

second thread

third thread

fourth thread

fifth thread

Nostalgamus posted:

I remember Koos Group being permabanned way back in the day, but I don't remember why. Presumably nothing too serious since he was eventually allowed to come back, but I'm wondering what exactly he did in the first place. Does anyone remember?

quote:

The sound of metal chains whipping against bare flesh hang heavy in the air, like a bird flying into a headwind. The room is damp and sparsely lit. SUPERMECHAGODZILLA’s scarred jowls are illuminated by a desk lamp laying sideways on the floor

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
Which reading is true? Which reading is true? WHICH READING IS TRUE!?

KOOS
[Spits mouthful of blood] The words are used specifically for their literal intention, the events are straightforward so as to be easily understood by an audience of children.

The beating begins again, with a furious vigour, until SUPERMECHAGODZILLA can barely stand. He rests one hand against a dirty wall, sweat marring his 1993 Nebraska Film Festival hypercolor t-shirt.

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
The opposite reading is true… The opposite reading is true. I’ve been to college.

KOOS straightens his posture, his pride and dignity unscathed by the days long assault of a fat, stupid man.

KOOS
Any perceived allusions to facism in A Goofy Movie are a wholesale invention of a misguided viewer.

SUPERMECHAGODZILLA adopts the look of a man who has been defeated. Wearily, he grabs a shotgun that had been resting in the corner, and cocks it loudly.

KOOS
Goofy simply wishes to bond with his son through fishing, a traditional pastime, as he had done with his own father. It is neither parable nor allegory. Neither dog was molested, the material does not support this

Heath posted:

People keep bringing this up and 100% of the time it turns out they were thinking of Kyoon

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

If you can’t be racist against fictional characters, then prove it: call Mace Windu the n-word.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Gubbinal Girl posted:

Speaking of SMG

Honky Dong Country posted:

Speaking of Koos, I don't have the original but I've always laughed at this every time I see it:

E: Would love to see what thread/interaction spawned that

Kia Soul Enthusias posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/dictionary.php?act=3&topicid=2428

Gubbinal Girl posted:

Speaking of SMG

2nd level spells posted:

That bit tricked an entire movie forum into posting just like him for a few years.

Hitlersaurus Christ posted:

Mace Windu is a Nerfherder

The Wicked ZOGA posted:

Not that I remember SMG much but but I was always fairly certain he was doing a bit.

Gubbinal Girl posted:

Speaking of SMG

Hitlersaurus Christ posted:

Mace Windu is a Nerfherder

Gubbinal Girl posted:

Speaking of SMG

Oxxidation posted:

if you're always doing a bit then it's not a bit, it's just you

tobleronetriangular became a legend because he stepped out of character at the very end, took a bow, and then never posted again

RFC2324 posted:

whats the longest running bit that actually was just a bit, anyway?

RFC2324 posted:

whats the longest running bit that actually was just a bit, anyway?