quote:

Girlfriend [28f] of 3 years has been mad about a girl [20s f] who drunkenly grabbed my [29m] butt during a party for FIVE MONTHS. How do I get her to chill out and get over it?
Relationships
This happened on july when we met with friends for a get together. We are all immigrants who moved from another Spanish-speaking country and have been living here for 2 years.

We met this girl and her boyfriend. She knows someone in the group but she hadn't been around us before. My GF immediately didn't like her because the girl's been here for like a year and has almost completely adopted the local accent. Doing this is seen as phony and ridiculous by some people.

I talked to the girl and her BF in a group setting before she got drunk. She seemed normal and nice, I guess. She then started getting drunk fast and was dancing with her boyfriend. I had already danced with my GF and was mostly horsing around pretending to dance with my male friends.

Then I made a friendly comment about how the girl seemed drunk AF and ready to go to sleep and as soon as I turned around she straight up groped my rear end without her BF noticing. I just walked out because that made me deeply uncomfortable, but my GF saw and was mad as hell. I managed to get her to not make a scene about it and the girl and her BF left earlier than most.

After they left, she ranted on and on about how she wanted to beat her rear end and imitated her local accent, said she wa ridiculous, said she only did it because her BF was "all dried up down there", and on and on. It turned into a joke within our group.

Last weekend she met some new people during a birthday party for one of our friends and she started loudly talking about it with them. Some friends call it her "sketch" because she actually does bring it up pretty much every time we meet someone. It usually starts in a "funny story" way but she generally gets worked up fast about it. The guests mostly laughed because it actually is a funny story but she was mad for real and saying that I essentially led her on by... talking with her normally before she got drunk?

I love this woman to bits, she's sexy AF, treats me wonderfully well, gets along perfectly with my family, but JFC does she hold some grudges. If a dude had grabbed her butt drunkenly in a party I would have stepped in if the dude seemed to be further harassing her, but if it was an inappropriate drunken one-off, I would have forgotten it in like, a day. Not that I would particularly like him, but I wouldn't hate him for months on end.

How do I get her to get over this crap once and for all, at least when it comes to angry rants? Everytime I talk to her about she said she disrespected both of us and she's not gonna let it slide, etc. I'm like, it's been MONTHS and there's no reason to think we'll ever see her again.

What do I do?

tl;dr: A friend of a friend drunkenly grabbed by butt five months ago during a party. I managed to stop my GF from making a scene because I thought it was just a silly thing, but she has ranted about it in different get togethers around friends and strangers alike, as well as in private, probably a dozen times ever since. How do I get her to just finally chill out and get over it? Or at least stop the angry rants?

HIJK posted:

assigned storage unit at birth

PAGE SNIPE in the r/relationships thread


How do I get her to just finally chill out and get over it? Or at least stop the angry rants?

Larry Parrish posted:

people who wrap their whole identity in the military are nuts in general

Power Khan posted:

My (34m) girlfriend (30f) ruined our vacation in Mexico and I ended it. Was it right?

Power Khan posted:

My (34m) girlfriend (30f) ruined our vacation in Mexico and I ended it. Was it right?
Recently my girlfriend and I went on our first big vacation together. We've been dating for a little over a year and have been out of town together to local cities, but never more than 3 days. She loves the beach and laying in the sun and I'm a high-stressed business owner so am happy with just about anything that gets me away from having to make decisions. We landed on a 6 day trip to Cabo, all-expenses-paid resort. Two friends would be joining us for the first 5 days, leaving the final 24 hours where we could just be together.

Arriving was great and the resort was beautiful. Drinks were served as we stepped out of our cab, and the view from the open-air lobby was incredible. Pools, fire pits, palm trees, with the beach and ocean directly behind it all. Our friends were already there, raving about the foam party they just attended at one of the pools. It was the perfect back drop for an amazing week, or so I thought.

Problems began the first night when she decided to create and escalate an argument in the middle of a bar. Arguing in public is something I've addressed with her on at least 2 other occasions as I think it's trashy and don't like to be "that couple" when I'm happy to discuss an issue in private. She ignored 4 separate requests to stop, making the situation awkward enough that one of our friends excused herself to go to bed. My gf still didn't stop, now demanding we take action to track ourselves and PROVE who is right in this one-sided argument. Our 2nd friend then got up and walked across the bar to sit on her own - away from us. I finally put my foot down and decided to leave since she wouldn't respect my requests to stop, apologized to our friend, and went to bed. She never apologized and the tension was such that we were on opposite ends of the king-size bed - I ended up sleeping on the couch.

Through the week it was a little rough. I could only handle so much of the poolside partying, so every few hours I'd want to spend an hour in the air-conditioned, practically silent hotel room. It was peaceful, but she kept getting upset that "I could hang out in bed at home". We'd (I'd?) try to discuss things like adults but when I thought she understood, she'd make a final jab as she left and say something like "Well I hope you can come back out and act like a NORMAL person soon," and slam the door behind her.

Through 4 days of these unneeded arguments and childish jabs at me, I told her that even though we love each other we may not be emotionally compatible. That set her off and was the beginning of the worst I'd ever seen her.

That night the group met for dinner. While waiting, I brought her a drink that I walked across the resort from the martini bar. Instead of saying thank you, she gulped it in ONE drink and threw the glass into the sand on the beach. She got upset at me for picking it up, saying "we're paying for people to do that for us" (wow!). I told her that wasn't why we don't do things like that. This situation highly concerned me as I'm only going to make more money in life and, being self-built, do not feel it's right to treat others poorly no matter how much money we have. At dinner, she was so aggressive that I sat there practically silent. My body language showed I was disinterested in who she was being at that time. She was drinking multiple shots of straight vodka, and even called over "the hottest" resort dancer across the restaurant and tried to get him to take shots with her. He refused as he was working, and she almost fell over in the restaurant after returning from the restroom. Our friends thought the behavior was so bad they passed their room key to me under the table in case I needed to stay with them. She wouldn't talk to me, look at me, or even act like we were together the rest of the night. She left and had a couple more drinks on her own at a sports bar, where I was finally able to pull her away, speak to her one-on-one, and at least stop the fighting. The next morning our friends left and I wished them goodbye while she slept off a hangover.

THE LAST DAY was just us. It started nice, as she payed for a couples massage for the both of us at the spa. We planned to do photos on the beach at sunset, followed by a dinner at the nicest restaurant around. She really wanted the beach photos since we hadn't been able to get them earlier in the week. I decided to take a quick nap so I could have energy for the night and she opted to go do things around the resort. We planned to meet in the room at 5:45p to get ready and go take the photos. I got dressed in the nicest outfit I had, did my hair, and even shaved (she likes it but I normally keep some scruff). 5:45p came around and no girlfriend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ At 5:55 I went looking for her, and at 6:05p I found her in a bikini, drinking with 3 random guys in the hot tub. She was obviously drunk because when I called her out she knocked over her drink into the hot tub trying to get out. We ended up missing sunset and no photos were taken.

That was really it for me. She never accepted blame or apologized for any of the things mentioned above. At dinner that night she kept asking "Are you going to break up with me?" 10 minutes later, "Seriously, if you're going to break up with me I need to know so I can be ready." 10 minutes later, "You know if you break up with me you'll be the first guy to ever do that..."

We made it home with minimal communication. I'll save you the details but she refused to speak with me in person a couple nights later unless I blew off my family plans or even at all unless I "get my poo poo together." Since she wouldn't meet, I ended up telling her it was over on the phone and emailing her the outline I intended to talk about.

So.... here I am on Thanksgiving with an empty seat for the person I'd thought was my partner. I never imagined this was the person I had been dating the last year. I didn't have very good role models or a family to mimic growing up, so while I'm almost 100% on my decision.... Reddit, did I make the right decision?

On her side of things, I suffer from ADHD and she's been texting me things about how much of the failed relationship was really my fault since I can often forget small details or dates, or seem aloof occasionally when she tells me about her day. I do recognize these faults of mine and they're something I work on adamantly, but I don't think it excuses her actions. Even if I fail more heavily then I realize, or perhaps I was a bit too emotional over the trip (another item she stated), I feel actions speak volumes and we'll all have tough moments but we need to both be supportive instead of disregarding the other. She continues to text me, mostly telling me this is my fault and I need to give her another chance. Should I?

Entorwellian posted:

Had a similar experience a long, long time ago. Vacationing together is a good test to see if you are compatible with another person in the long run and that story illustrates that you both are not. Poor guy can do better.

Mr. Lobe posted:

I don't understand how someone could write something like that and have doubts as to whether they made the right move

is it that he is really stupid enough to second guess himself after detaching himself from such an abusive person, or does he just want the consolation of strangers' approval?

Entorwellian posted:

He said he has ADHD so I'm assuming that its related to that.

Entorwellian posted:

He said he has ADHD so I'm assuming that its related to that.

Pirate Radar posted:

The only two comments from tweaker town poster

quote:

This situation highly concerned me as I'm only going to make more money in life and, being self-built, do not feel it's right to treat others poorly no matter how much money we have.

FAUXTON posted:

oh sure he simply remained permanently distracted through the course of the entire relationship and never noticed she was a horrible person

Mr. Lobe posted:

I don't understand how someone could write something like that and have doubts as to whether they made the right move

is it that he is really stupid enough to second guess himself after detaching himself from such an abusive person, or does he just want the consolation of strangers' approval?

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Mr. Lobe posted:

I don't get it, does ADHD interfere with pattern recognition?

Panfilo posted:

Aren't dachshunds the kind of dog that strongly bonds to one owner and will be violent and agressive to anyone else (including spouses or children)? My friend used to have one that was a raging rear end in a top hat to anyone that wasn't her or her sister. I wouldn't be keen on spending Thanksgiving around a dog constantly trying to shred my ankles.

quote:

First off, I’m not gay. Never been attracted to a man. I mean, I can acknowledge when a man is handsome, but in no way am I sexually attracted to men.
But it seems like every time I hit the rock, I end up with this disturbing, overwhelming desire to have a dick up my rear end. I don’t understand it for the life of me. When I am sober, the idea of getting a dick up my rear end is, honestly (and I’m not trying to be offensive here) disgusting. But when I’m high on crack, I’ll be jacking off so hard it’s insane, and I just can’t nut- and all I can think of is how much I want a dick up my rear end. As I’m sitting here, I’m sober and the very idea of taking it anal grossed me out; but get me on a stone, and it’s a whole different story. I’m scared that one day I am gonna gently caress around on a crack binge and actually go through with it and end up with a dick up my shitter- and I know that once I sober up I am gonna be disgusted with myself and traumatized.
Wtf is this? Does anyone else go through something like this?

Power Khan posted:

My (M 24) girlfriend (F 22) had a guy friend sleep over at her place and I walked in on it.
I need to get some fresh opinions on this.

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now, things have been going incredible since the start. Everything has been perfect until this.

My girlfriend works as a bartender at a sports bar and had a shift til 1 AM. I went to sleep around 10 and texted her goodnight, which she replied to. The next morning we were supposed to be driving down to my parents’ together and had sent a few texts back and forth, but she stopped responding for about an hour when I asked her to tell me when she was ready.

I was ready to go and figured she was in the shower, so I got some coffee and drove it over to her place to give to her. When she answered the door, she was fully clothed and it was clear she hadn’t showered yet. She seemed surprised that I was there and said, “oh, hi LukeJDD! You get to meet Adam,” as she walked back to her bedroom. When we got there the lights were off in her bedroom, and there was some guy just sitting on her bed. I flip the lights on and she introduces him as Adam, her best friend from high school. I just sort of looked at her waiting for an explanation which she really didn’t give me in the room.

I don’t remember exactly what I said but I kind of stormed out and slammed her door. She followed me and wanted to talk. She says that he is her best friend from way early in life and that he is home for the holidays from the Navy. He showed up at her work around midnight as a complete surprise and they went back and spent the night at her place. She didn’t tell me at any point that she was having someone over for the night.

I ask her why she didn’t reply for a full hour and she said her phone died and she just plugged it in, but I got a “received” receipt when I sent the last messages. She says that they were just waiting for Adam’s friend to come pick him up. She swears to me that nothing happened, they slept in their clothes, and that they have been friends since middle school and she in no way thinks of him as a romantic interest. I told her it straight up looks like she cheated on me and I asked her to give me her phone, which she didn’t object to, and I looked through her texts and messages from him and there is nothing from him saying that he was coming up. No plans that they made, which is consistent with her story that he just showed up.

She says she didn’t want him to sleep on the floor and she didn’t think it was a big deal, but I have a serious issue that she didn’t tell me about this. I told her that if anyone else came to me with this situation that I would probably warn them that their gf is cheating on them. She has apologized and said that she would never do anything like this, I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her, she wants to do anything she can to make this ok again.

I just need some other takes on this. On one hand, I have never had a reason to distrust my girlfriend, this is the first time I’ve had feelings of distrust. But I just feel like this is such an obvious boundary to cross. I have no way of knowing if she would have told me about him spending the night in her bed. Really, I have no idea that she hasn’t had other people over in her bed, because clearly she thinks that is ok. What do you think? I really don’t know how to proceed. I want to believe her but something inside of me is just telling me to be on my guard.

Power Khan posted:

AITA boyfriend's family said I was snobby for replying to a francophone in french
Thanksgiving season travel/family time woes. We live on the other side of the country and only see my partner's family about once a year. We are back east with them this week for the holiday.

I am a woman of color who grew up in a very diverse and urban environment and they are from a pretty homogeneous suburb. Which is fine, I've just noticed some perspective differences in addition to existing cultural ones. My boyfriend has kind of acclimated/expanded some of his stuff and is open and interested in new things but that isn't quite true if his family. In general, we get on fine and I mostly keep my head down and go with the flow.

Anyway, we were at a store yesterday (me plus partner, partner's parents and sister) shopping and I overhear some people talking in french, searching for an item. I speak French pretty well, so I just replied in French and told them where to find the item. Whatever, I did not even think anything of it.

But my partner's family saw and got kind of weird about it. Eye rolling and all that. His dad said something about speaking English in America. I did say that there's no official law that says only English is allowed. On the car ride home they were like well if you are speaking another language, who knows what you are saying about us. (I literally told her what aisle to go down, so I just wish they'd calm down).

Fast forward to Thanksgiving tonight with the extended family, and the mom starts like telling the rest of them in this backhanded way. Like I am this snob for knowing how to speak another language and replying to someone in it? And the family are teasing and I kind of snapped back.

I told them that it's not my fault I am well educated and have been exposed to more of the world than their small white suburbs have to offer. The world doesn't revolve around them and speaking only one language isn't exactly something to be proud of. My boyfriend tried to make peace but also stood up for me. He also told them their future grandchildren are going to be bilingual since I plan to teach them.

So we left, and I said I didn't want to visit with them tomorrow. I need a break and some cool off time. I am not preventing my boyfriend from hanging out, but he said he was staying with me. Now our phones are blowing up with texts, saying I am being in reasonable, can't take a joke, and keeping the family apart.

I just feel really frustrated.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for not spending the rest of the visit with my partner's family? I think they are bogus in calling it teasing or a joke, but even if it was I feel insulted. I should be obliged to spend time people that are rude to me. Also I am not making my boyfriend do anything so they shouldn't blame me for that either.

Ugh.

Railing Kill posted:

Aside from her obviously loving this guy, it's still a shitbag move to ask to dig through her phone.

Power Khan posted:

My (34m) girlfriend (30f) ruined our vacation in Mexico and I ended it. Was it right?

That night the group met for dinner. While waiting, I brought her a drink that I walked across the resort from the martini bar. Instead of saying thank you, she gulped it in ONE drink and threw the glass into the sand on the beach. She got upset at me for picking it up, saying "we're paying for people to do that for us" (wow!). I told her that wasn't why we don't do things like that.

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

If she did bang the guy and still chose to casually introduce him to the boyfriend and offered up their messaging history for inspection, that’s one hell of a power move and I have to respect the balls on this lady.

Midnight Voyager posted:

I dunno, my music teacher had like three and they're just friendly idiots.

Pirate Radar posted:

Bit off the beaten path, but from a sub about just read it and guess

Power Khan posted:

E.g. no saying that she communicated with the guy via messenger, or set it up her cheating beforehand. I got a couple of friends that only mail me, or write here. Sometimes you just run into people, but why the guy who appears at her workplace, is in town and somehow has no place to stay? Are you sometimes just randomly going to the place where an old friend works and somehow make no provision where to stay before?

Her message received and no word coupled with no mention of the dude staying over and the rest is pretty much a lol