Engagement and Wedding Megathread - You paid what for what?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Engagement and Wedding Megathread - You paid what for what?

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

I can't imagine having a party and telling people they have to give me money for food or drinks. You guys don't have to have a giant party, but the idea of asking your guests to pay for drinks is pretty sad. It's even worse when people do it, but spend tons of money on stupid things like matching the linens to the envelope liners, or junky trinkets. If you are going to cut corners, cut it on things that don't affect your guests - otherwise you are just a money grubbing rear end in a top hat who is trying to make a profit off your loved ones. If you can't afford to host a big party, then throw the kind of party that you CAN afford.

I will probably end up doing something with unlimited beer and wine, but no special mixed drinks (maybe one signature drink) because that is what I can afford to do - but I will be damned before I ask someone to pay for their own refreshments or entertainment at my party.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2008 03:44

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 20:20

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

KarmaCandy posted:

How many people did you guys a lot to your parents come invitation time (and how many people were invited total)? My father is pretty insistent that people I've never met before must be on the guest list and at some point, I really want to put my foot down. He already comes from a big family (8 brothers and sisters) so his side of the family alone accounts for 40-some people, even without inviting some of the cousins that I don't know very well and not counting small children. He points out that he's going to be paying for it so he should get to invite whoever he wants but I don't want a big wedding so even if he's willing to pay for those extra 50 people - I don't particularly want 50 extra strangers at my wedding who I'll be forced to mingle with for at least a little while and who will take time away from actually celebrating with my actual friends and family. Also my parents are divorced so my mom, dad and my step-mom all have strangers they think should be on this list though my dad is most insistent.

So, how many random people did you let your parents invite?

If he is paying for it, then its his party that he is throwing for you. If you don't like the way he throws a party, pay for your own.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2008 15:25

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

DrPepperholik posted:

I'm just wondering about something kinda small. Is it wrong for me and my fiance to go to a really nice expensive place for the rehearsal dinner to even things up if his dad is traditional and wants to pay for the dinner and stick my parents and us with the big bill? My parents aren't in the same financial situation as his and my sister just got married in May, so what they gave her is what we'll get as well. My fiance agrees with me that it's not fair for his dad to be "cheap" about it by sticking to tradition and his mom agrees too and mentioned perhaps they'll pay for the honeymoon too to sort of even things up a bit. I'm just not convinced that's really going to make it even unless we all order lobster and steak at the most expensive place in town. For the honeymoon we're probably going to do a cruise. What we'd really like to do is have all the contributors, parents and us, contribute and we just spend as needed and put the left overs towards a house.

If someone was in this situation before could you tell me how you fixed it if you did to make it even. It really bothers me because I don't think his dad understands my parents don't have the financial resources as they do.

Edit to include comment about "commitment ring". When my fiance graduated college, before he got a really nice paying job with his degree he bought me a promise ring that one day we'll get married. It's real small, 1/5 of a carat. But sure enough 2 years later I got the engagement ring of my dreams. It's a full carat 3 stone princess cut. We've been dating for 4 and 1/2 years through our college careers. He wanted to make sure he was financially secure before he proposed and wanted to wait until I graduated too. I hated it while we were dating and all our friends were getting married, but I totally respect him for it now. The promise ring was just a symbolic gesture rather than just saying the words "we'll eventually get married" which is so empty.

"Even it up" by being an adult who is old enough to get married and either paying for it yourself or being a gracious person who accepts whatever is given to them. It's a gift, not your birthright.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2008 22:12

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

A girl who involves her parents in a ring purchase from her fiancee is not a girl who is mature enough to get married.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2008 02:40

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

nwin posted:

Anyone have any ideas on some actual USEFUL items? These guys both work in management, like to drink, and that's about it for extracurricular stuff...not muc in the golfing department or anything like that I could think of.

Thanks.

What about a beer brewing kit? Really nice pilsner glasses with their names on them? A really premium bottle of scotch?

# ¿ Sep 11, 2008 03:06

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Tindjin posted:

Throwing my question in here first..

Gonna propose soon. We've talked about it at various times and she's made it obvious she doesn't want an engagement ring (her second marriage). Unrelated conversations she has said one of her dreams is getting a 1955-1957 Chevy Bel-Air. I was thinking of making the car her engangement present instead. Not restored, way too much money. But finding a good shell to restore ourselves which was part of the conversations since I enjoy working on cars (I've restored a few before, thanks for the skills Dad!)..

What do you guys and more important girls think? Good idea or bad?

I think that's really cute. I would still do some sort of proposal though with a "ring" even if its like, a rusted round whatchmacallit things from the car. Like, a piece of tubing or washer or something. Maybe a wrench all decked out in horribly bedazzled rhinestones. Something small and momento-ish. Other than that, I couldn't think of a more awesome present for a girl who is into that sort of thing.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2008 03:57

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

What about a honeymoon registry?

My friends did something like that - http://www.honeymoonwishes.com/ and it was a great idea!

# ¿ Jan 27, 2009 04:02

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Operatic Diva posted:

do you all think it's wrong for the girl to pay for part of the ring if she wants an expensive ring ...

Im willing to pay for part of the ring

Why are you even asking? And, if the two of you have already worked it out - who else would know unless you told them? And why would you tell them? Are you worried that secretly, who paid for the ring means something? How are you going to handle finances when you get married?

# ¿ Feb 18, 2009 14:08

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

maso posted:

I got engaged just a few days ago so YAY I can post in this thread.

Okay, here's a question hopefully I can get some help with. Regarding dresses: I found one that I REALLY love. This is it.

Now, a couple of things. #1, has anyone dealt with this site before? Or something similar? The reviews seem to be good and I emailed one girl who had gotten that dress, and she had nothing but nice things to say. The website makes you submit your 17 point measurements so I imagine it's much less likely for a dress to not fit. I'm ordering the lace-up back so I assume that has more give than a zip up as far as size goes.\

Coming out of lurking to tell you how gorgeous this dress is. Let us know when you get it if the place is awesome as they seem.

# ¿ Jun 6, 2009 12:57

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Sure. If all you care about is how much money someone spent.

I can see her point, in that it has no true sentimental value. But if its pretty, who cares? Seriously. What if you got a brand new ring on super-clearance sale? Would she ask for something else to "make up the difference?"

She sounds like a psycho.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2009 16:41

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

FidgetyRat posted:

That is not true one bit.. It has complete sentimental value now that he proposed with it. I personally would be insulted by her reasoning.

You know what I meant! I think. I could see her being "well, it hasn't been in your family for billions of years" which in her head could excuse the "cheapness." But in any case, I think the woman sounds like a psycho.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2009 18:11

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

RedFish posted:

Word.

Sorry dude. I don't see her as some sort of supabitch for not being thrilled over your mom's unwanted anniversary ring when it's completely reasonable for her to believe she was getting something passed down through generations of your family.

I understand what she thought, but so what? It didn't match her ideal romantic vision. So, she ... refused it? Because it didn't have a backstory that matched her fantasy? From what I can tell, marriage is about real life and taking the bumps as they come - not matching up to some romantic fantasy. Maybe she isn't a superbitch, but I certainly wouldn't want to marry someone with their head in the clouds.

# ¿ Jul 15, 2009 02:11

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Okay, the effort thing I buy. But refusing it? Come on.

What if granny just "gave" him the ring. No asking. Just - here, give this ring to that girl you have been seeing, when you are ready. Your great grandpa put it on his wife's finger back when the world was young, blahblahblah.

No effort expended, but the bride gets to give some romantic fantasy. I bet she wouldn't be bitching then.

I understand being disappointed or whatever. I think thats insane, but I could see it happening and her still being normally a wonderful person, but wedding poo poo went to her head.

But "refusing" it. That's ... too much.

# ¿ Jul 15, 2009 03:01

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

I'm confused. Did you actually un-invite your fiancee's half-sibling instead of just inviting along their nurse/caretaker?

# ¿ Jul 20, 2009 14:54

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

lord1234 posted:

yes. It has the potential to be that. The goal was to make the point that it was OUR wedding. about US. We did not want people to be looking at this screaming/disruptive child at our wedding and taking attention off of us.

You are a psycho. An incredibly insecure psycho.

Also, why would his parents have to "give" anything!? It's your wedding. Your desire to have some giant affair that takes years and apparently multiple people to plan. Your responsibility. And it's weird that you are trying to pretend that this is better for "everyone involved" instead of just yourself, since you made it clear that this is really about your special princess day.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2009 15:49

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Very cute! I will probably do something very imilar.

Copy-wise, I think "invite you to join in then for a wedding and a picnic luncheon reception"

Or something like that. I don't think you have to mention drinks specifically.

# ¿ Oct 14, 2009 20:23

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

dress information?

I'm not picking on you, but I don't know if you meant address info, or if you meant some sort of insert about dress code.

I think in either case, I would definitely throw the word "outdoor" in there. After recently attending an outdoor wedding in the middle of August and not being informed beforehand, it would be totally appreciated.

# ¿ Oct 14, 2009 21:25

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

If you aren't willing to cover her costs, why not just have one less bridesmaid? One groomsman can walk two women down the aisle, or your maid of honor can walk alone - or something like that.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2009 13:27

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Skychrono posted:

Hello again everyone! I'm four days from when I propose, so I apologize for another round of questions...

1. Ring insurance. Do you have someone you recommend? I have the appraisal that came with the ring, and have looked at some places on Google, but I don't know how to judge insurance very well. My roommate is convinced someone may steal the ring as soon as they see me get on my knee.

2. I'm proposing in New York... I'm thinking either Top of the Rock (very pretty at night, it seems), top of the Empire State Building (may be too generic/windy), or next to the giant Rockefeller Christmas Tree. The tree was my first plan, but someone warned me that I may get beaten to the punch because a bunch happen everyday there.

Any advice? Sorry for the paranoid/nervous questions!

Those are all pretty popular spots, so you may get beaten to the punch. But that may be kind of cute. She would totally never expect it and then maybe turn to you --- you are on one knee... cute!

As for ring insurance - do you have renter's or homeowner's insurance? I just added my grandma's engagement ring to mine.

# ¿ Dec 7, 2009 21:19

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Omits-Bagels posted:

Well, I did it. I proposed in Paris on a spot looking over Champs-�lys�es and Eiffel Tower. She cried, said yes, yadda yadda yadda.

I think that's the prettiest ring I have seen in a long, long time. Is there a name for this style? I have a round diamond (from my great-grandmother) and never found a setting I liked that looked good with it. This is perfect.

# ¿ Jan 22, 2010 16:48

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

maso posted:

On the subject of cheap dresses, this was my dress and I was very pleased. Cheap, but very well sewn, exactly like the picture, and fit me perfectly. Never needed alterations. So, I would recommend LilyWedding. I just try not to think of all the little kids who probably stitched it together...

I always loved this dress. Do you have a pic of the REAL THING. Preferably, on you?

# ¿ Apr 2, 2010 12:18

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

I forgot I had seen your photos and loved the dress then too! We have a similar body shape/type and you have made my not-even-engaged-I'm-a-psycho day.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2010 14:27

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

I think a note can mention the gift but it's a sympathy card primarily. "always miss aunt Edna and so glad we got to see her so recently. Having her at our shower was so special. Whenever I use her gift of a blender, I'll think of her and count our blessings"

# ¿ Jun 22, 2010 13:07

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Fire In The Disco posted:

To combat the blankness, my husband had a good idea-- we put a little tiny number on the back corner of the reply cards that corresponded with an entry on our wedding invites spreadsheet. We got a lot of blank ones back, so it really proved valuable to have the numbering system.

I absolutely second that. I did it with my bat mitzvah and my sweet sixteen, and it's been invaluable.

Also, my boyfriend, when put in charge of response cards, has no idea how to handle them. We were both invited to a wedding, and he responded back with his name, and how many guests? "1"

Because in his mind, it was him, and one guest - me.

And this is a doctoral student. In short, even smart people are stupid, and don't understand how to use response cards. Use numbers!

# ¿ Jul 28, 2010 14:31

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Quartknee posted:

don't want too many flower girls. We also don't want them to feel left out, or offend any family. I suggested one girl from each side, but it might be a little weird with a 11 year old and a 5/7 year old. Plus her family wouldn't take anybody getting left out kindly.

I don't get this thought process. It might be weird? To who? The Official Arbiters of Wedding Appropriateness? To your family? To your friends?

Too many flower girls? I can't imagine anyone going to a wedding and saying "Yes, it was a beautiful ceremony, but there were just too many girls walking down an aisle, being happy and spreading flowers."

# ¿ Oct 18, 2010 23:00

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

This section on Offbeat Bride has lots of cool suggestions for non-wedding dress dresses: http://offbeatbride.com/filed/advice/fashion-advice/

But just wear whatever makes YOU feel the sexiest/prettiest/most confident. Who cares if it's "bridal"?

# ¿ Aug 22, 2011 21:45

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Are you thinking of gemvara.com?

# ¿ Jan 24, 2012 14:42

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

I am in NYC, and the truth is - you can do it cheap, but you may not get everything you want. Consider Sunday , or mornings (brunch food is cheaper, and may require less servers.) Venues can offer discounts for unpopular days/seasons. You just have to do a lot of legwork.

I had a BBQ-catered Saturday night wedding for 100 people for about 10k inclusive, in the NYC area. It was at the Queens County Farm Museum, and it was awesome.

# ¿ Nov 11, 2012 14:50

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

FISHMANPET posted:

Ugh, I thought I was done with the wedding since it was nearly 4 months ago, but I guess not.

Apparently everyone on my side of the family is bugging my mom and dad (but nobody from the wife's side of the family is making a peep) that we never sent out thank you notes. And we didn't. Hand writing a note is just basically not going to happen, so is there anything else I can other than telling my family to stuff it?

Why wouldn't you send thank you notes to people who took the time to get you a gift or celebrate with you? Isn't it sort of the very least you can do/basic courtesy?

You could I suppose just pre-print thank you notes maybe with a wedding pic and send them out. That I guess is closer to bare minimum acknowledgment at least.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2013 02:40

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Wouldn't just the fact that they're all in a picture together/liner up at the altar signify "wedding party"? When else would people need to know, or not have seen that?

Matching bouts will look cute in pictures. Blue ties of whatever shade is nice.

It'll be fine

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 12:32

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

If it's David's and you didn't alter it, you could totally sell it! I've bought a ton of bridesmaids dresses that way.

# ¿ May 14, 2015 12:12

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Check eBay! Or once wed or weddingbee or whatever. You can just google the style, color and size and I almost guarantee you'll find others selling theirs.

# ¿ May 16, 2015 13:16

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

It's nice but what they'd likely really appreciate (in addition to tips) is public reviews on places like weddingwire.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2015 14:19

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

zakharov posted:

Bon Soir.

I booked them, taste unseen. I know everyone says it, but I had the best food at a wedding. Ever. I keep trying to think up parties so they can cater it. Do it.

(Don't listen to Jeff when he says he'll be your "day of" person. He sucks. But his staff is amazing and the food is even better.)

# ¿ Sep 16, 2015 11:52

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 20:20

Eris: Mar 20, 2002

Quality in invitations seems like such a silly thing to worry about. They'll come out fine. If you are an artist or paperworker or whatever you probably won't be happy with quality. But if you are mailing a pretty invite to a party to your friends and family that they will open, put the date in their phones and toss -- it's great!

Your mom will want to save it. Do you want to spend $$$ for your moms keepsake?

# ¿ Jan 16, 2016 14:57

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