Coding Horrors: You can gather all your technical debt into one easy framework!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > The Cavern of COBOL > Coding Horrors: You can gather all your technical debt into one easy framework!

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DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Infinite Recursion posted:

It's even simpler than that.

Look at the semicolons

Well that's what you get for using Allman style :colbert:

# ¿ Feb 23, 2010 11:15

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 15:11

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

The solution is something he talks about on the last page - the mode change from from mg to mg/kg has to be clear, and the warnings need to be more carefully tiered, so that "There isn't a pill of this dosage, please adjust", "This is getting close to maximum recommended dosage", and "This is 40x the lethal dose, idiot" look completely different (and the last one needs to be harder to dismiss).

# ¿ May 29, 2017 20:03

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

SupSuper posted:

code:

// restrict lists to 2
for (int i = 0; i < list.Count - 2; i++)
{
    list.RemoveAt(i);
}

Do we work at the same firm?

# ¿ Feb 18, 2020 07:15

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Soricidus posted:

Would you prefer they did it in an even worse language like matlab or R? Or maybe in fortran like the good old days?

I actually like matlab for the way it (i) doesn�t change core functionality every time one of the devs has a meltdown and (ii) warns you at least two versions beforehand on the rare occasions when it does

# ¿ Feb 19, 2020 12:55

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Antigravitas posted:

You probably also admire it for how it indices arrays, you heathen.

It uses the zero for other things, such as the proportion of each module that has no documentation, the number of �hilarious� Monty Python references you will encounter while reading that documentation, and the number of times you will be forced to type something as stupid as �import beautifulsoup4�

# ¿ Feb 19, 2020 14:18

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Use csv for everything. Especially that huge numerical data dump. Be sure to include thousands separators in approximately 10% of the entries

For a real pro move, create it as 5 different files with different column separators then cat them before sending

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 12:23

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

NihilCredo posted:

CSV/TSV is fine. Not great, but fine.

The horror in your case is that your ETL flow apparently doesn't include a validation step.

However the file is delivered, up to and including sneakernet, the specs should give you the option to respond with the equivalent of a 400 Bad Request "Every line must contain exactly 25 commas, sorry fuckos".

Did I mention the file was also 300GB.

The story has a happy ending when that supplier got fired.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 13:52

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Soricidus posted:

how is this person still employed after multiple instances of gross incompetence?

sociopaths tend to do extremely well in life

# ¿ Apr 17, 2020 11:46

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Did that class have any data members? Or any non-static methods at all?

# ¿ Apr 24, 2020 11:36

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Edit, sorry. Posted a coding horror in the lexical pissing match thread by mistake.

DoctorTristan fucked around with this message at 19:58 on May 13, 2020

# ¿ May 13, 2020 19:54

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

ratbert90 posted:

Not a coding horror, but our team is making a product that will go outdoors.

We all agreed that a touchscreen was an awful idea and to tell management to piss off with that idea.

... then the camera pans slowly left, revealing that you�re working for RIM c. 2007?

# ¿ Jun 4, 2020 23:44

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

redleader posted:

normal people simply don't care about smart devices phoning home and poo poo like that. it makes me feel like a loving luddite, but what the hell can i do? the money is in garbage products that lasts two years and whose primary goal is now siphoning data and/or serving ads instead of showing movies and keeping food cold. garbage rear end planet

With tvs I think the only non-�smart� option left is paying $$$ for a consumer display (that may or may not have sound or even a tuner). I�m basically hoping my 10 year old Panasonic keeps on trucking.

# ¿ May 30, 2021 12:43

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Didn�t even close his tags properly

# ¿ Jun 22, 2021 11:30

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

G�del�s incompleteness theorem, but for bug trackers

# ¿ Sep 24, 2021 13:10

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Nth Doctor posted:

the password matching is even worse than that

Lmao took me a minute or so to see it.

So which S&P500 firm did you find this at?

# ¿ Oct 19, 2021 09:09

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Tei posted:

You could have asked if the boss only logins from his office, or he login from different places.
Making so admin-admin only works from the boss office ip. If somebody else try to use admin-admin, a message would show "this iP is not authorized for login with this user, please ask it added to the authorization list, or use your secondary safe password"

Doing unnecessary work for a lovely client is the greatest code horror of them all. Just set the password expiry to 30 days.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2021 07:46

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

celestial teapot posted:

If you can figure out what this is trying to do, you get an award

If you can figure out why the gently caress they thought SQL was where it should be done, you get another award

My guess is there was a tableau dashboard somewhere that was used to present numbers to the c-suite, then someone went �Hey, I�d like those numbers turned into words; see to it by cob Wednesday�

# ¿ Nov 11, 2021 17:00

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Jabor posted:

The worst parts of the STL are almost always the "we wrote part of the STL as an example of how to use a specific language feature" bits.

I haven�t had to touch C++ or the STL in over a decade - did they ever fix vector<bool> ?

# ¿ Nov 11, 2021 17:01

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

ultrafilter posted:

Whether it's a standard vector or not is implementation-dependent.

In my heart I always knew the answer would be �They instead found a way to make it worse�

# ¿ Nov 11, 2021 18:16

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Hammerite posted:

🤔

Falcorum posted:

*proceeds to silently truncate the password in some situations anyway*

Hi {username},

Thank you for registering! Your login details are

Username: will@storedintheballs.com
Password: p33p33p33p33

Your password will expire in 90 days, after which you�ll need to choose a new password. If you do not pick a new password within 7 days, your account will be frozen until you speak to one of our site admins to reset your password.

Regards,
Admin team

# ¿ Nov 28, 2021 18:41

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Votlook posted:

"use a CI tool that does not check the output of the tests" - senior dev with a Phd at my previous company

Latch onto this person as hard as you can because they�re on the fast track to the c-suite

# ¿ Dec 3, 2021 14:52

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

necrotic posted:

You might be getting valid UTF-16

Still counts as a coding horror

# ¿ Dec 30, 2021 00:25

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

leper khan posted:

Not sure if that's also true in the UK, but lol if they go bankrupt because they wrote bad checks.

It isn�t and they won�t.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2022 19:53

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

It�s the sort of thing I�d write if I were quitting tomorrow and hated my coworkers.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2022 14:28

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Ola posted:

�check if it's a number and the caller does a check on != NaN, �

Hahaha I bet it does exactly this lol

# ¿ Feb 21, 2022 19:41

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Bonfire Lit posted:

Beats me! I've elected not to check source control because I suspect if I do I'll just get salty at whoever wrote that and whoever reviewed it afterwards.

So this person is also in the habit of eval()-ing strings, you say?

# ¿ Feb 21, 2022 22:08

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

leper khan posted:

I'm still not sure anyone ever wanted float's mixed precision. I'm not aware of anyone who uses both nanometer and megameter lengths in the same model. IMO fixed point has always been better. Only issue with that is all the optimized float compute hardware.

Though there could have been a world where that was parallel integer computations with a register defined fixed point.

Source your quotes

# ¿ Feb 22, 2022 15:43

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

I see the coding horror is coming from inside the thread again

# ¿ Feb 22, 2022 18:12

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

CPColin posted:

And clearly the person to solve the problem back in 1995 was a high school freshman armed with a highlighter.

I�m sure Mr No-one-ever-needed-to-sum-a-bunch-of-small-numbers-that-totalled-a-much-bigger-number helped out as well

# ¿ Feb 22, 2022 19:41

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

QuarkJets posted:

Matlab in the early-to-mid-2010s had an Int64 type but defined no operators for it, I find this approach to numerical computation very zen

IIRC there were operators defined for it, but only between an int and another int. Even today if you try to multiply a float and an int Matlab will stop you and ask wtf you think you are doing

# ¿ Feb 23, 2022 09:38

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Ola posted:

But that's the compiler. I was thinking you could do this in VS Code or some snazzy JetBrains product where friendly plugins would shower you with sage advice.

�Surely that�s been fixed by now� is a question asked many times. The answer is (almost) always the same.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2022 09:06

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Coding horrors meet OSHA thread

# ¿ Mar 22, 2022 12:13

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

We�re talking about Oracle, guys.

The word you�re looking for is �evil�.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2022 14:41

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Run everything on containers, now everything�s a docker problem

# ¿ Aug 1, 2022 08:47

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

duck monster posted:

......And the wisdom to know its time I hit up my job agent.

*sigh*.

Boss canvased us the idea of terrible terrible coder being promoted to project manager. Today the boss learned what we *really* think. , Enforced deploy pipelines with CI (inc security linting) and code review and a return of unit testing is coming back, finally. And we might be hiring.

Or I just outed myself as the disaffected goony greybeard to the boss, and we might be hiring. One of the two lol.

They�ve already decided to promote the guy and you need to jump yesterday

# ¿ Sep 20, 2022 08:28

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Volmarias posted:

Would his being a PM result in him no longer coding anything and also not being part of your chain? If so, it might be possible that they're trying to sideways promote him to someplace where he can be effectively ignored even if he cannot be fired or directly sidelined.

Oh to be young and na�ve again.

# ¿ Sep 20, 2022 21:01

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Poor Grandma, thought of floating point and died.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2022 07:01

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Unicode was a mistake

# ¿ Jan 8, 2023 11:08

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 15:11

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Ouroboro.sh

# ¿ Apr 5, 2023 16:22

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > The Cavern of COBOL > Coding Horrors: You can gather all your technical debt into one easy framework!

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