Yawgmoth posted:

In any game crit fail rules are generally terrible, but in D&D they're exceptionally terrible because of the huge amount of rolls you're making.

Strange Matter posted:

At this point the chat explodes into hysterics as he adjusts his aim and fires right into Lisa's womb, which, in conjunction with me hitting her with the van, does enough damage to kill her outright. She goes down and is shriveling up and Gary goes over to her and delivers a coup de grace with his gun to her head while saying "Happy Mother's Day."

So yeah. Unknown Armies owns.

Doc Hawkins posted:

Was it the best thing ever?

Was it the worst thing ever?

If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you should definitely post it. If not, then you should heistate.

Under no circumstances should you poll the thread to see if we want it enough.

Fighting-Fefnir posted:

The end result was an evil Aasimar Paladin with Diplomacy unrivaled by any I've seen since.

To give you an idea, the first scene was the party talking to a quest giver NPC, and our DM, who decided making things up on the spot was good planning, was kind enough to provide him with some arbitrary high stats. He was using it as a gigantic and utterly bland infodump when a friend leaned over and gave me an idea.

Me: "I roll charisma to make him stop talking."
DM: "Okay, but I don't think you have the stats to-"
Me: *rolls natural 20 on my first roll ever* "And that's plus... 23 for my diplomacy skill, and another 15 in various bonuses from the custom equipment you made for me. Does 58 beat it?"
DM: "...He closes his mouth and walks away. The quest is never given, and the world is saved. You all lose."


The faces of the rest of the group: Priceless.

General Maximus posted:

You can't say that and not elaborate.

MissMarple posted:

And so there we are; clad only in loincloths and carrying bone spears rather than the system-usual power armour and gigantic weapons, when our Psyker manages to accidentally summon a Chaos Daemon Prince.

Colon V posted:

Oh. I'm behind on my . Well, it's personal canon for me, now, that Greivous kept his internals so he could still be a part of the living Force, and that Lightsabers require a connection to the Force, for power, for proper use, which is why you don't just have everyone running around with them.

flatluigi posted:

Were the pancakes still inside?

Axelgear posted:

The Adventurer's Guild's members emerge the next morning to see one of their wizards nailed to a cross, rib cage opened like it was tissue paper, with an inflated, living badger in the middle staring with great bemusement at them.

InfiniteJesters posted:

39. A Jill sandwich. 1d20 zombies and 1d6 Umbrella Corporation commandoes appear and fight you for the sandwich.

Dammit Who? posted:

You want to murder children based solely on their race, and you're calling him Hitler?

Clanpot Shake posted:

So I've got this drow grappled, and instead of coup de gracing him or otherwise attacking him, I use Intimidating Glare, climbing up his spindly body, grabbing him by the collar, and in my best Bale Batman voice asking "WHERE IS HE?!" (the diplomat)

Here To Help posted:

We were hearing a lot of rumors about an old decrepit moathouse that was infested with cultists and monsters. All he could talk about was who owned the deed to the moathouse? How much would it cost for us to buy the moathouse?

I reasoned that since it was an abandoned moathouse filled with monsters no one 'owned' it and that if we wanted to set up a base there or whatever it would be free. This answer was not satisfactory and we spent quite a while in town unsuccessfully trying to find the rightful owner of this fine property.

Colon V posted:

I don't think regularly doing something that could get you arrested as an accomplice to murder can count as pacifism.

TOOT BOOT posted:

The best thing to do would have been to let it go the first or second time he emailed you.

I know it's hard but you had pretty much won by default by being the non-sperg and now you're making sockpuppet accounts to defend yourself so...

Hotdog In A Hallway posted:

It's true. Normally I'm bored to tears by Star Wars, but reading about this game amazing.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

The majority also fled, but around ninety of the Imperial ships - including three Imperial I Star Destroyers - surrendered. Of the three SDs, two scuttled their bridges while the third is actually almost pristine because the crew rebelled and spaced all the officers who expected them to lay down their lives for no (to them) good reason.

It's not enough to make our fleet big enough to take on the Death Star, or even the two SSDs at Kuat, but it's still a nice boost that goes a long way towards replacing some of the losses we took in the fight for Coruscant (especially if we can get those two ISDs up and running again).

Axelgear posted:

LuiCypher posted:

Any advice on how to prevent a campaign with evil characters from becoming chaotic stupid? I think it's ironic that after writing about how my group is trying not to kill each other that as soon as we start a new Pathfinder game, all of the players decide (I was the last to roll a character, so I fell in line to promote some sense of cooperation) to roll evil...

Doc Hawkins posted:

Presumably he means they have stunted moral sensibilities.


Alternately, talk to the players, your friends, and find out what you all want from the game? It's just crazy enough to work.

JimmyT64 posted:

Every time any of the groups I have ever played with have ever spent more than 10 minutes planning for anything, crashing a spaceship into the problem has been put forward as the most efficient solution.

Even in high fantasy games.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

I just had a Best Experience right here on Something Awful.

If you were unaware, there's a Play-by-post forum here; one style of games that seems fairly prevalent uses the PDQ system, and is called a "Godgame;" you're playing a deity of some sort who goes around doing God stuff. Go team you.

One of these games is JamezBfod's Patchworld, in which everyone starts off as a dinky little +2 deity and has the chance to grow in power as one accumulates worshippers and such. Back in December, my character, Padavine the rain-goddess, was killed - oops.

(Pretty much a fuckup on my part combined with an unclear understanding of the rules)

Well, Jamez was cool and gave me the opportunity to keep playing as a mortal follower of Padavine trying to revive her; this character, whose name is Bad (yes, I know, make your jokes now), has driven a bunch of plot despite being the single character in the game who can barely do anything. He has also developed a tendency to try and help make the world a better place despite the fact that he is always wildly outclassed in every fight he gets in - and he's been lucky enough to survive. Hell, thrive, even.

Earlier tonight a god named Sothhude got killed and his death allowed an otherworldly horror to attempt to emerge into this plane and eat everyone, which would be bad, and as Bad was nearby and noticed it, he decided - naturally - to do something about it. And so he decided to try to hit the Cthulhu-analogue with a stick.

GM flips a coin to see if this plan has even a chance to succeed. Lands my way. GM makes rolls; essentially, we tie. GM flips another coin as a tiebreaker... it falls my way.

My mortal hit Cthulhu with a stick and Cthulhu basically stopped and went "Ow! Dude, that stings!" and stopped trying to enter our reality long enough, I'm hoping, for the actual Gods to show up and close the hole he's trying to come in through.

Gods are cool and all, but... mortal with a stick beats all, it would appear.

Pththya-lyi posted:

I once played a Jedi character whom I decided would turn out to be a lesbian. It was supposed to be a big reveal, as not even the character understood that she was gay - and why would she, living a sheltered existence in a universe where every canon character is either A) heterosexual or B) asexual? (Yes, there are a couple of gay characters in the EU, but they're very obscure and certainly nobody my character would have heard of.)

But then when my Jedi first said "I've never been interested in boys," everybody went: "Oooh, I see." So her coming-out surprised absolutely nobody when it eventually came.

Suleman posted:

Aberrant: The Colonel

the Doomcock

Suleman posted:

Coming up:
Cardinal BRIAN BLESSED
Chasing a naked assassin with an air gondola
Hunt for the knife man, who is made of knives
The invisible assassins and their seeing-eye animals

A smug sociopath posted:

Captain Bravo posted:

Rattican City

Clanpot Shake posted:

Well, everything they've found out about this terrorist points to his actions being justified. All of his past targets they've dug up have had Inquisitorial files opened on them, signs pointing to heretic, and in this case the noble they were sent to kill had committed enough bribery, coercion and blackmail to warrant his death. The terrorist also said he suspected the man was involved in heretical activity, as he suspects most of the upper hive is. When they killed him, they found he was indeed a heretic (in addition to being a scumbag), so the terrorist's claims have been pretty much verified. It's just that his methods are so extreme.

Basically, they're nominally on the same side but don't want him to carry out his plans of killing millions of people in an effort to "save the planet", and he's been tight-lipped about exactly how much info he has on the people in the upper hive - the targets of his bomb plot. They don't trust him one lick, and after this last session it looks like they're leaning more toward putting him down and dealing with the fallout than allowing or participating in his plot to murder millions for the nebulous reason of "saving the planet".

Nietzschean posted:

Better that millions of innocents die than a few heretics go free to infect further millions with their heresy and doom the entire planet to Exterminatus.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

sniper4625 posted:

"Roll to clench buttocks."

Captain Bravo posted:

money

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

would there be any interest in

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Besides, building a Jedi-killer is easy. It's called a buckshot. Lightsabers can't parry area-of-effect attacks.

Golden Bee posted:

Then again, players ALWAYS latch on to minor details.

If you say they're discussing which goblin chef makes the best stew, the rest of the play session will involve a transracial cooking contest. Guaranteed.