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I had this fellow in my EMT-B class who looked like he got hit with a shovel to the face twice. Once with the sharp edge to cut a scar above his nose, the other with the flat end to smush all his features down. Let's call him Shovelface. The first day of class, we are all sitting down filling out paperwork when our instructor explains how we need to fill out a criminal history background (tell us anything you were ever arrested for - felonies only) and then sign an authorization for a criminal history check. Can't just give medical certifications to any old felon, right? Well, Shovelface raises his hand high and asks, in front of the entire class, if it is okay that he is indited, but "not convicted, yet?". Instructor looks at him, eyes wide in a stare and just responds "We'll talk about it after class". Well, it turns out this isn't my Fire Department's first experience with Shovelface. It turns out this guy really, really wants into emergency services. Several of our officers have trained him at various times for the Essentials of Fire Fighting, and multiple guys have trained with him before. Here are those stories: - Shovelface and his class are doing ladder training in the middle of the hot 90+ degree summer. Our instructor, now an Lt. at our department, tells everyone they can open up their bunker gear to stay cool. Just wear boots, helmet, gloves and eye protection. Shovelface insists on wearing full bunker gear. Lt. again says to him that he will overheat on a day like that, and stresses that he should open up. Shovelface insists that he will "practice how he plays". Lt. asks point blank if Shovelface is in fact ignoring his instructions. Shovelface agrees that yes, he is. 45 minutes later Shovelface is getting an IV of fluid from the paramedics and being treated for heat stroke. - Shovelface has failed, and his taking the class again. Now he is bragging to his class about how in shape he is (he's a fat gently caress) and telling them the secret to how he stays in shape. He asks the instructor (another officer of my department) if he wants to know his secret. The instructor decides to humor him. Shovelface says that his secret is "dating two girls at once!". The instructor knew one of the two girls, and called her up:  : So which one are you? : Huh, what do you mean? : I'm here talking to Shovelface and he says he has two girlfriends. I just wanted to know which one are you? : No, he said he wasn't with her anymore... : That's not what he's telling me!The next time in class, Shovelface is complaining to the instructor about how he's having girl troubles. - Shovelface is again bragging to his class about how in shape he is. Some of my fellow firefighters are in class with him. One of them says - "I'll bet your not as in shape as my friend here, he can do 50 pushups!" Shovelface immediately drops down and starts counting off pushups. Guy lets him do about 15 or so and then says "No, no you're doing them all wrong! You have to clap between each one!" Cue Shovelface clapping after each pushup. He only makes it to about 10 or so before quitting. Reason? He was "too tired from exercising last night, but he could definitely do that". - Shovelface got put in "Double Secret Probation" with his department for posing in his turnout gear for "sexy" photo shoots that he uploaded to the internet. - Shovelface then got kicked out of his department for explaining - on camera, to a news crew, at an active fire scene - that he wanted to be a police officer. Why? "So I can beat up people, and not get in trouble." Oh, and to wrap things up, one day Shovelface doesn't show up for EMT class anymore. Why? Oh, because the reason he was "not convicted yet" was, in his words, "[local municipality] not recognizing the Castle Doctrine". Because he got arrested for pulling a gun on a guy at a gas station. A gun that wasn't his, and was unregistered. Long story short, he went from "not convicted yet" to "definitely convicted".
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Dec 1, 2012 07:34
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Happy New Year, Goons! Let's get this one started off right, with a dumb fire fighter story! So, one of our local departments is responding "lights and sirens" to a suspected house fire. Well, the operator of the engine tells the firefighter in the officer's seat that "Well, the sirens in this rig are down, so you'll need to make siren noises over the PA system." "Okay" she says, and off they go down the street, lights on, and the officer making siren noises over the PA system. And she's getting really into it, changing up to the horn at the intersections like you're supposed to and everything. Well, maybe about a minute into their run, someone hears dispatch calling out over the radio for the Engine to "check for an open mic". You see, instead of grabbing the microphone for the PA system, she'd gone and grabbed the microphone for the radio. And was on the dispatch channel. For the entire region. Making siren noises. She's still there. I think she's a Deputy Chief now or something.
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Jan 1, 2013 17:09
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Mr. Nice! posted:We need more firefighting stories. Sure, why not? So, here's a guy from my department. Well, at our department, almost everyone gets a nickname. Usually that means that we like them, or they did something stupid. This guy we called BEM, for "Bugger Eating Moron". Well, BEM wasn't just a consumer of his own nose nuggets, though that was part of why he earned his nickname. The other part was that he was a complete idiot. Couldn't do anything right, had to be told how to do things multiple times, all that stuff. Plus, the guy was one of those special souls who refused to shower for weeks on end. The stench coming off of him and his gear was the stuff of legends. It didn't help that he never brought bedding for when he bunked in at the station, so he'd routinely steal the bedding from inside the bunkrooms - stuff that belonged to the full time staff - whenever he bunked in. Wouldn't clean it afterwords either. Now, all that is bad, but it's not enough to get you kicked out of the department per-se. But at this point no one really likes the guy. Any excuse to show him to the door would be good. And boy, did he give us that excuse. A lot of fire department calls are for "smells and bells" - basically a fire alarm going off, or someone smelling an odd odor. These are also called "Bullshit calls", because maybe 1 in 100 is something serious enough to justify a fire engine actually being there. But we run these calls all the time for that 1 in 100 time. Well, one day there was a call for a smell of natural gas in a neighborhood. Not an uncommon thing, and definitely a "smells and bells" call. Typical response is we send a single engine to the scene, scope it out with our gas detection equipment, determine that there is absolutely no danger to anyone, and either call the gas company if there's a legitimate small leak, or maybe even if we can't find anything, just to be thorough. Usually for this sort of call we're responding non-emergency. We're getting there as soon as we can, but no lights or sirens, nothing fancy. BEM got there first. I don't know if he'd just sat through HAZMAT awareness or something, but he gets it into his mind that he's going to be a hero. So he starts running through people's back yards in the neighborhood in question, knocking on back doors and screaming about how there's a gas leak, and that they need to evacuate, and that he's a firefighter, so they should listen to him. Our engine shows up with a pair of officers to find a couple of people standing in the street, wondering where they are supposed to evacuate to. BEM is still running around the back yards, knocking on doors. The "leak" is undetectable - probably just some car exhaust someone smelled walking down the street or something. He's no longer with our department.
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Jan 2, 2013 02:25
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