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As for idiots my stryker driver was definitely one, here are some highlights: One morning before formation he was enjoying a cigarette and somehow tried to smoke the wrong end after it was lit and ended up with a nasty herpes looking burn on his lips. He asked to borrow $40 from me and said he would give me $75 the next week on payday. I said yes and he actually paid me like he promised. He did this at least twice that I can remember. He blew all of his deployment money on a $50k car while back home on leave and then left it in the care of some chick he was banging. She found out she wasn't the only one at some point and made off with his car. Not sure if/when he got it back. He bought a world of warcraft character for $900 that the seller promptly took back and changed the password on once payment was received. He left his M4 on top of our stryker twice during patrols, one of those times he left it balanced dangerously part on the stryker itself and part on the slat armor. His best gently caress up was when we were lead truck (usually we brought up the rear) and he took the first right turn into the neighborhood north of LSA Diamondback instead of the straight shot he was supposed to take. It added a couple minutes to our trip but we didn't care too much since we were just going a short distance away to an IA compound across the river. While we were chillin with some IA dudes a big explosion went off in the direction we just came from. An IP truck was hit by an IED right at the corner where we would have turned onto the main route over the bridge. Two IPs died and some more were hosed up pretty bad. There's no way to know if it would have gone off on us or what the damage would have been but I'm glad we didn't have to find out. He still gets a pass from me for all the dumb poo poo he's done because of that day.
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Nov 28, 2012 21:53
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:53 |
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One sunny day in Iraq we had to take some dudes somewhere for some bullshit and one of the fire support guys from the TOC tagged along in my stryker. Being the TOC roach that he was he just had to airguard to get the full out of the wire experience. So we get to where we're going and my styker is in an awkward position at the top of a hill with our rear end end pointing towards a busy road about 300-400m away. I'm standing there in my hatch facing this road with SPC TOC roach in the hatch to my right. After a few minutes I hear some snaps and see dust flying off of a wall to my left and then hear a loud ping as something hits our slat armor. Our awkward position left us wide open to a drive by from the busy street below and the shooter was gone almost as soon as we realized we were being shot at. This was still fairly early in our deployment but after a few dozen patrols we were used to getting bullets shot at us from loving nowhere so it wasn't really a big deal. Not so for SPC TOC roach. As soon as we got back to the FOB he was telling everyone about how he totally almost died and was even pointing out a little rock chip in the top armor near his hatch as a bullet hole. I showed him where the bullet actually hit and you could clearly see that it scrapped along a horizontal piece of the slat before hitting a vertical piece and spraying fragments onto the stryker itself. He wasn't believing any of this and took a 5.56 round and showed how it fit his "bullet hole" perfectly. Even after explaining that bullets don't keep their shape and make tiny chips on hard armor and that we probably weren't shot at with 5.56 he still refused to listen to reason. He brought his NCO out (who was even dumber than him) to weigh in and he of course sided with SPC TOC roach because "y'all aint no ballistic experts". SPC TOC roach was later banned from riding with us after he yelled at our battalion commander for calling in mortars that hit a ridge near us as indirect fire. He was convinced that they were being used in a direct fire capacity and that we had to tell the TOC or we would die or some poo poo.
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Dec 27, 2012 16:34
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The Josh I knew pissed hot for coke and went AWOL. He was a pretty squared away dude though, just partied a bit too hard sometimes.
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Feb 27, 2013 16:26
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The illumination talk reminds me of our battalion XO who was kinda of an idiot. He was also really loving lucky. We would have to take him out from time to time so he could do whatever it is an XO does. On one such occasion we linked up with some IPs and they took us to a building they wanted to make into a police station. The guys in the XO's stryker drop ramp and dismount but the XO was too cool for that poo poo and climbed out of the TC hatch and down the front to dismount in front of the driver. While he was doing this an IED went off right next to their stryker and we all thought they were hosed. As we were scrambling to grab CLS bags and run out there the smoke clears and the dismounts are fine and there's this bright glowing ball burning away in the middle of the street. Some goof ball turned a lum round into an IED so all they got was some relatively minor shrapnel damage to the stryker. What happened next was more terrifying than the IED as the IP dudes with us went into full death blossom mode and starting blasting away in a directions. The coolest dude actually jumped over the burning lum round, ran to the side of the road, and starting lighting up an abandoned car with his AK from the hip. Another time we were out with the XO he got hit full in the face with a directional IED full of some kind of white powder. It failed to ignite so there was no damage done but he stopped everyone and dismounted to gently caress around in the bushes looking for the thing. He told my vehicle to check out some dudes and their truck on the side of the road so I dismounted with my bro and we head over. We had no terp so trying to talk to them was pretty useless. We searched the truck and found nothing and were about to walk down the road to talk to some kids but said gently caress it and mounted back up. As we were leaving a secondary IED went off about 15 meters away from the XOs stryker as they were turning around. It was far enough away that it didn't do any damage but it was right between the truck I searched and the kids down the road. If I wasn't such a lazy dude we would have walked right over it and we probably would have been smoked. Patrols with the XO were simultaneously the luckiest and unluckiest.
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Mar 31, 2013 16:33
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Wasabi the J posted:And yet "Jarhead" and "The Hurt Locker" gets mistaken for reality. Come on man, those movies aren't even close. Hurt Locker sucked because they were so over the top with it and the newspapers and movie reviewers ate that poo poo up and starting saying it was an accurate picture of what was going on in Iraq. I've known a few marines that were in Desert Storm and they said Jarhead was pretty accurate. I've never come across any EOD guys that say Hurt Locker is even remotely accurate, and almost everyone in the military as a whole recognized it as a fantasy piece of poo poo. Hurt Locker could've been an awesome story if they went more of a Jarhead route instead of a James Bond 3 man wrecking crew disarming bombs and getting sick head shots with sniper rifles. 50FA your stories are insane and highly entertaining, thanks! Huge bummer about Humper Monkey but it's good that the gift of story telling runs in the family.
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Sep 18, 2013 14:38
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Pudgygiant posted:I don't get the hate for Petraeus, we'd have all gone for it. And unless Fiasco / The Gamble were propaganda pieces he's actually a ridiculously smart dude that got shafted and handcuffed by even higher leadership. Haven't read The Gamble but Fiasco is junk. Ricks pumps Petraeus up so hard and makes it sound like the only reason Mosul got crazy was because the 101st wasn't replaced by enough dudes. Fact is, insurgent attacks were steadily increasing while the 101st was there so something wasn't working right.
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Nov 5, 2013 04:46
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Nerato posted:Not much of a story, but it might make some of you laugh. Naive privates can be entertaining. Also, I was the idiot. 50FA embellishes his stories to make them more entertaining. You should give that a try.
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Dec 20, 2013 04:47
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Crazy Mike posted:I put all my bonus money in the TSP Hope you're doing ok today bro, all the D-Day poo poo must be triggering your APFT flashbacks. Stay strong.
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Jun 6, 2014 19:06
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:53 |
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Irish be drinkin. I'm reading an article on blockade runners during the Civil War and one part mentions a Confederate ambush on a river that smoked a group of Federals and killed everyone in two small boats. An Irish dude with the Confederates volunteered to swim out and bring the boats in, but "in one of the boats the lucky Irishman found a keg of whiskey and it was reported that it was a long time before he could be induced to bring in the captured boats." Chill rear end motherfucker was just floating around getting lit up while his bros watched from the shore being super bummed.
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Mar 26, 2016 16:49
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