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1. The slut of our AIT class had to use the bathroom. She was gone for four hours. She comes back to class, bleary-eyed, with a perfect beet red tattoo of a BDU button dead set in the middle of her forehead. She swears up and down she wasn't sleeping. Off to the counselor! 2. OK, the "lower enlisted buys car he can't afford" story. Me and an E-6 in my unit did budget/credit classes in spare time (this was my last year in, cadre at a TRADOC unit, except we were a field platoon). We gave out our personal numbers. We told them before you look at cars, call us. We told them, we'll go with you on our day off to help you look at cars. Don't buy a drat car without getting some advice first. Please don't. Monday morning, after PT, coming in at 9, a PFC from that E-6's section pulls up in a brand new Dodge Nitro. Black, RIMZ, aftermarket stereo. Everyone in the unit oohs and ahhs. After first formation, me and his E-6 walk him out to his car. I notice there's already 1500 miles on it. I ask him how much he's paying for it. He says he got a great deal. I ask him how much he's paying for it. He says 500 a month. I said "not how much a month, how much does it cost total." He doesn't know. I ask how many years is the loan. He doesn't know. The E-6 asks him what interest rate. He doesn't know. I ask him without looking, tell me how many miles are on it. He guesses 50. The E-6 asks him how much he's paying on insurance. He doesn't know. He accuses us of hating, because he's showing my Miata and the E-6's SVT Cobra up. Says he got a great deal. The dealership even put too much money on the loan paperwork, so they cut him a check for the difference (1200 bucks) right there. "Cash back!" he smiles. We sigh. March him (literally, marched him across Barton Field) to 1SG's office. Send him home to get paperwork. A year old, 1500 mile Dodge Nitro, 72 months at 21.5 percent APR. They got him a 10-day no-name dogshit insurance policy to get him sold. He tries to tell 1SG about how he got cash back. 1SG looks at him and screams "YOU'RE PAYING TWENTY PERCENT INTEREST ON THAT TOO, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!". He washes his hands of it all. Tells me and the E-6 to see if anything can be done. We go to the dealer, knowing full well they're not taking it back. The PFC tries to claim to the dealer he's got 3 days to change his mind. The dealer tells him that's not true. I tell him it's not true. His E-6 says that's not true. He still argues. His E-6 locks him up at parade rest right there in the dealership office. It gets better. That was Monday. On Wednesday after work, we're having a barbecue to send off one of our guys who re-enlisted to go to 67th Sig, who was deploying. It's on family housing in Fort Gordon. The PFC comes with his family. I learn he (a 22 year old schmuck) has married a 30-something fat woman with two kids already. The kids are hellions. His wife is dull and collects ceramic something. He has a few beers, gets into a fight with her. He gets in his brand new-ish Nitro, which was parked on a grassy strip, and 20 feet from us in the backyard barbecue, peels out on the grass and guns it down the road. WOOOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Base police was literally 500 feet behind him, turning into family housing. Sees him peel out. Hits the lights, and gets him on a DUI- right in front of his entire platoon and chain. 30 people reach for their cellphones at the same time. Thursday is the whole platoon in Class A's, writing out sworn statements en masse, and going into 1SG's office in singles or small groups to get screamed at. My turn is me by myself, and 1SG asks "You knew that motherfucker was dumb as a box of rocks, why didn't you stop him?"
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# ¿ Dec 1, 2012 05:14 |
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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 08:18 |
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kathmandu posted:Looks like you just won the thread. He was warned (67th and 69th had Army-wide bad reputations), but I can empathize. He went right to our unit (442nd Sig) straight out of AIT, and had never been in a line unit and wanted to deploy. Our unit, assholes that they were, would only ok the 4187 if you re-upped to boost their numbers.
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# ¿ Dec 2, 2012 03:43 |
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Red87 posted:I'm in 69th Signal BN in Graf. Its a pretty weird unit, but nothing bad about it. Just really small, and civilians outnumber us in the unit like 5 to 1. meant 63rd. I actually tried to get into 69th when I was set to leave Germany, but with 1ID and 121 Sig's drawdown I was the millionth guy to try.
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# ¿ Dec 2, 2012 22:12 |
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How about you fuckers try to top some 3-star, national security-endangering stupidity?quote:In October of 1979, construction for an F‑117 Nighthawk support facility at Tonopah began inside Area 52. Tonopah was so far removed from the already far removed and restricted sites at Area 51 and the Nevada Test Site that no one outside a need-to-know had ever even heard of it. The facility at Area 51 served as a model for the facility being built at Area 52. Similarly styled runways and taxiways were built, as well as a maintenance hangar, using crews already cleared for work on Nevada Test Site contracts. Sixteen mobile homes were carted in, and several permanent support buildings were constructed. Sandia didn't want to draw attention to the project, so the Air Force officers assigned to the base were ordered to grow their hair long and to grow beards. Sporting a hippie look, as opposed to a military look, was less likely to draw unwanted attention to a highly classified project cropping up in the outer reaches of the Nevada Test Site. That way, the men could do necessary business in the town of Tonopah. http://jalopnik.com/5807385/how-a-generals-fatal-joyride-in-a-secret-enemy-jet-almost-revealed-area-51
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# ¿ Dec 3, 2012 19:37 |
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iyaayas is our unofficial USAF historian I'd love to hear his take on it
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# ¿ Dec 3, 2012 21:22 |
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DrCuntmuffins posted:nothin wrong with workin at the 'mpf Is that...senior NCO rank tabs? Is he ROTC or student 1st sergeant or something?
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# ¿ Dec 3, 2012 23:03 |
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Almost all non-timing cards on our switching shelters were hot-swappable. They still, however, were very ESD-sensitive so when my roommate in Iraq said "watch this" and grabbed a handful of sand, scattered it around the aluminum Air Force cargo pallet we used for a platform between shelters, scuffed his feet around for a minute, then carefully made sure to enter the switching shelter without touching the frame, spit on his hand, then grabbed the lovely DLPMA card that had been giving us intermittent faults for the last two months but we had no more replacements in our ready stock for, welp
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# ¿ Dec 10, 2012 13:46 |
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Our Gay Apparel posted:You don't get an O-6 involved if you zero a KYK or ANCD or SKL. That's ridiculous. yeah, for good christ that's two minutes to fix. I can see some repercussions for letting a sensitive item get ran over, and a statement of charges for sure, but relieved? There had to have been something else going on there.
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# ¿ Dec 24, 2012 20:23 |
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psydude posted:Officers generally don't get second chances when they gently caress up like that. AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHA OH gently caress I'M DYIN
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# ¿ Dec 25, 2012 05:07 |
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:I think the reason most prior service guys are weird poo poo bags is because they are too stupid or lazy to manage life as a civilian, so they need uncle Sam to hold their hands. In the lack of an actual personality or sense of character, they'll adopt and exaggerate whatever biographical info they can. Either they were in the Army for 3 years and ARMY VET PROUD for the next 50. Or they're the one guy from a different state and start every story YOU KNOW BACK IN MINNUSOTAHHH.
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# ¿ Feb 1, 2013 03:39 |
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I have an embarrassingly moto 5.11 assault pack. It was the only thing I could ever find that would hold six books and all my folders. Thankfully, it's just black. I'd have schlepped a regular backpack before I bought an ACU pattern. Incidentally, two semesters ago, I think in my Macroecon class, we had the mandatory introduction stuff. Name, a sentence about yourself, etc. Cue a living essay from the guy in a field jacket, a Ranger ballcap, and a 10th Mountain patch.
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# ¿ Feb 1, 2013 16:57 |
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Gunktacular posted:I hope they drop the hammer on him. Don't hold your breath. If anything can be learned from this thread, it's that the military doesn't properly punish stupidity. Imagine if nobody found out about it until after someone had a hot report come back from the lab.
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# ¿ Feb 3, 2013 18:55 |
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Icon Of Sin posted:Sounds like we were at Role 3 around the same time; I was working for them when we opened up the WRC, which lead to its own special brand of retarded-ness. Stuff along the lines of "This soldier was waiting to outprocess through the CASF, why the gently caress are you putting him on a bird back to his old FOB? Was it because he testified at the court martial that resulted from PVT Danny Chen eating a bullet from his own gun?" Yea, that one went over extremely well once I let BDE medops know what I had found. IG got involved at some point too, though I don't know when/how/if it was ever really resolved. as in, "there's guys on his old FOB who would love to kill him" ?
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# ¿ Feb 4, 2013 22:37 |
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vulturesrow posted:chit. We don't talk like we're in a pirate movie
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# ¿ Feb 5, 2013 05:56 |
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I'm honestly not throwing stones because "latrine" is a stupid outdated term that I never used after I left Basic, and Christ knows it took me a year to flush the dumber parts of Army lingo from my vocabulary.
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# ¿ Feb 5, 2013 06:01 |
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We did room clearance once for Sergeant's time. With no blanks or MILES gear, or paintballs or anything. A signal platoon doing room clearance and shouting BANG BANG. Randoms from same platoon getting eenie-meenie-miney-moe'd for OPFOR. Shouting matchs about who killed who. An E-6 whose idea it was, getting steadily more purple as the morning progressed. The cherry on top was the Battalion training NCO stopping by at 11:30 wanting to see a run-through to see what we learned. And getting the 100 dollar version of the show. When the TNCO dragged all E-5 and up around the Conex to yell at them, all us E-4s smiled and fist-bumped.
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# ¿ Feb 12, 2013 04:46 |
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Arishtat posted:Fortunately PFC Roommate was the last firer of the day so the rest of us packed up our poo poo, closed the range and went back to Vilseck while he and an NCO got to sit on the range and wait for EOD to come blow up the dud rocket. Range Control on Wildflecken was a sight to behold. Former US base, turned over to the Germans after BRAC in the 1990s. We still do ranges there occasionally (we were there on a Mk19/M203 range). We had paint grenades all day, and a grand total of five explosive M203 rounds to fire. CSM tried to pump us up over the chance to be one of the guys to fire A REAL LIVE EXPLOSIVE ROUND, but the usual happened- dumb poo poo, extra work, super long day, so by the end of the day none of us really gave a drat. I can't remember how they chose the five, but I'm sure PT scores were pretty much it. First guy fires. Dud. Call range control. Range control comes out an hour later. The only cool range control guy in existence says "Meh. Might as well fire the rest of your poo poo. 5 duds is the same to us as one." 2nd guy fires. Dud. 3rd guy fires. Dud. 4th guy fires. Massively disappointing boom. 5th guy fires. I guess it blew up, I was already packing my truck at that point. The shame is it was a really cool setup firing from one mountaintop at targets set up on the other one. But our unit, per Army tradition, had to throttle every bit of fun out of the experience.
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# ¿ Mar 21, 2013 07:07 |
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LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL posted:forest hooker I almost hate to ruin my D&D Monster Manual-influenced vision of this but I gotta know
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# ¿ Mar 27, 2013 17:15 |
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I do remember quite a few (and some decent quality) roadside hookers in Pilzen, so I guess that's Eastern Europe for you?
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# ¿ Mar 27, 2013 19:16 |
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karbraxis posted:can confirm forest hookers. going to cheb from graf you would see them right as soon as you passed that giant asian flea market. we even had them wave us down and try to gently caress us. I miss the poo poo out of that Asian flea market. Best knockoff name-label clothes I ever bought. We'd hit it going and coming on Prague trips.
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# ¿ Mar 28, 2013 02:58 |
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Military Story Rule #1- if your military story is really cool and it has the word "drill sergeant" it is not really cool and nobody wants to loving hear it
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# ¿ Mar 31, 2013 18:03 |
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DRONES CURE HAJI posted:But it worked out, didn't have to go to WLC 2 months before my ETS. They got serious about stopping this around 2006. WLC would literally turn people around on Day 0 back to their units if they were four (six?) months or less from ETS. We all know why- a slew of retarded E8s and E9s thinking that if they just get SPC Gettinout to WLC he'll come back all hooah and re-up. I'm sure the Army has backslid since, but it was nice to take the teeth out of some of the threats me and others were getting about it.
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# ¿ Jun 11, 2013 03:35 |
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TheUnhorse posted:honestly this is my stance. call it what it is and just own it. america sure as gently caress wasn't the first country to invent killing babies. yeah people always slippery slope when you go there but gently caress it, there's good murder and there's efficient murder and there's indifferent murder and there's bad murder
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# ¿ Jun 28, 2013 03:56 |
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TheUnhorse posted:hey there friendo let's put down our swords, if only to kill babies together hell yes this state is so anti-abortion and yet so in need of judicious application
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# ¿ Jun 28, 2013 13:48 |
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If someone gets uptight about the meaning of "liberal" and tries to argue about the original (ie, Hayek usually) meaning of it, that's fairly D&D
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# ¿ Jun 29, 2013 22:52 |
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Similarly, "crypto-fascist" lost all meaning rather quickly
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# ¿ Jun 30, 2013 21:35 |
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doogle posted:I'm pretty sure the limits of the GTC are around 15k if you had decent credit when you applied (as of ~2012). There is a bad credit version but I'm not sure what the limit is on that. A GS-14 from up in the Northeast was up for a spot here in a civilian Army office recently; he had no credit cards or ability to use a government travel card. He couldn't understand why the office here couldn't pay for his plane ticket and hotel room and give him some spending cash so he could come down to interview. He was up against another GS-14 who flew into Pensacola and took a limo to Mobile, and tried to get the office here to pay for three additional days' stay so she could sightsee in the area. She got the job.
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# ¿ Sep 14, 2013 04:59 |
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Nurge posted:I don't know what you folks call it but it's basically just barbed wire except instead of the old style barbs there's little hooked razorblade things running through. Concertina wire. They have gloves for handling it that are basically thick welders' gloves with a bunch of metal stapling across them. You will still tear up your uniform loving with it no matter how careful you are.
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# ¿ Sep 14, 2013 05:05 |
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E-9s always had a fetish in the Signal Corps for yanking on groundstraps like they were supposed to tether the entire site to the Earth in case gravity reversed or something. It was always my wet dream to see one of them do it on a rainy day and become shortest path to ground for an entire loving Node Center.
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# ¿ Sep 16, 2013 22:10 |
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gleep gloop posted:Jesus Christ. I can see signal being all retarded about that "Bravo company hammered their stake in almost six inches deeper than Alpha! THIS IS THE NEW STANDARD!" Could you get an award for hammering a stake real good? They threatened UCMJ for anyone caught with a cheater, which led me to asking what was a cheater (cut-off section of ground rod), leading to me actually using a cheater one frozen field problem in Hohenfels. Thanks for the education, Sergeant Major!
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# ¿ Sep 16, 2013 22:24 |
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50FA did watching Buffalo Soldiers piss you off all over again Also legit sorry to hear about your brother. He was a great entertainer and a good D&D poster.
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# ¿ Sep 17, 2013 04:32 |
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Veins McGee posted:Jarhead was based on a book written by a Marine. The details are off because of the film industry and the length of time between when the events happened and when the book was written. I've always told people that Jarhead was best in capturing the overall theme of frustrated boredom, and not to get too wrapped up in the biographical details. Half the book is collected urban legends anyway. We never- not once- had our sleep hosed in Basic (Ft Jackson, 2002). After the first week I started to realize how badly the drill sergeant position had been emasculated. Field time in the regular Army? Pffftttt. Get it where you can find it, motherfucker.
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# ¿ Sep 18, 2013 14:26 |
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anne frank fanfic posted:You killed a man and your post was long and boring too and kept going on and on and it was real bad. And you killed a man in real life or like to make it seem like you did by typing about how you killed a man on the internet. did the thread title confuse you
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# ¿ Sep 20, 2013 21:32 |
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We used to hide out during Thursday training in the old Nike sites in Kitzingen (Larson Barracks). Am I going to die?
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# ¿ Sep 21, 2013 05:42 |
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Fojar38 posted:Unless the Soviet Army had an equivalent idiot to soldier ratio, in which case it would have been the funniest war ever. It was greater, believe it or not. We found out a lot of hilarious (and terrifying) things about USSR incompetence after 1989. 50FA, you oughta watch Buffalo Soldiers. It's probably inaccurate as hell, but it's the only movie I've ever seen that actually showed the Cold War Army (especially USAREUR) as a bunch of criminals.
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# ¿ Sep 21, 2013 05:55 |
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Signaleer posted:I forgot about this one. When the Russians invaded Georgia back in 2008 I was in Iraq. I was watching CNN in the TOC with a MSG as they started showing BMPs rolling across the border. MSG was elated. We were stuck with a Georgian contingent in OIFII. I was pulling for Putin.
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# ¿ Oct 2, 2013 02:47 |
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holocaust bloopers posted:I would've paid a lot of money to have seen this all play out IRL. gently caress let's just make it mandatory that everyone has to wear a GoPro at all times. http://www.amazon.com/Aliens-Colonial-Marines-Helmet-Cam/dp/B000NE8D3Y
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# ¿ Oct 10, 2013 04:46 |
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PLANES CURE TOWERS posted:I know a dude who is batshit insane about Aliens. Has a room in his house basically decked out like the Nostromo with all his prop weapons, aliens, etc. http://forums.somethingawful.com/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=88755
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# ¿ Oct 10, 2013 06:00 |
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Mike-o posted:If you haven't had monday morning döner runs then you are literally hitler. It's especially unforgivable in Wuerzburg. There was a German truck that parked right by the PX and had a big rotisserie in the back, half the spits with chickens and the other half with ham hocks. The salty drippings from the ham got on the chicken,and the savory drippings from the chicken got on the ham. A ham hock was like 4 euro, it'd make you feel dehydrated and queasy hours later but it was incredible to eat. Thursday mornings I stopped in the bakery in downtown Kitzingen on the way to work and picked up a dozen croissants. I know none of the barracks rats were eating breakfast (Thursday = sergeant's time = no PT = you have to get up early on your own if you wanna eat breakfast) so I brought them in for my team. I had to quit because all the goddamned senior NCOs started making their way over to our site on their "rounds" much more regularly once they noticed there was food.
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# ¿ Oct 16, 2013 04:36 |
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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 08:18 |
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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:Is that what prohibition related poverty is? I've been trying to figure it out but google isn't helpful. It was word vomit by an idiot poster about how the man is keeping poor meth addicts down so they can't make and afford the good poo poo which has no bad symptoms or health effects, I guess
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# ¿ Oct 19, 2013 03:02 |