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GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
1. The slut of our AIT class had to use the bathroom. She was gone for four hours. She comes back to class, bleary-eyed, with a perfect beet red tattoo of a BDU button dead set in the middle of her forehead. She swears up and down she wasn't sleeping. Off to the counselor!


2. OK, the "lower enlisted buys car he can't afford" story. Me and an E-6 in my unit did budget/credit classes in spare time (this was my last year in, cadre at a TRADOC unit, except we were a field platoon). We gave out our personal numbers. We told them before you look at cars, call us. We told them, we'll go with you on our day off to help you look at cars. Don't buy a drat car without getting some advice first. Please don't.

Monday morning, after PT, coming in at 9, a PFC from that E-6's section pulls up in a brand new Dodge Nitro. Black, RIMZ, aftermarket stereo. Everyone in the unit oohs and ahhs. After first formation, me and his E-6 walk him out to his car. I notice there's already 1500 miles on it. I ask him how much he's paying for it. He says he got a great deal. I ask him how much he's paying for it. He says 500 a month. I said "not how much a month, how much does it cost total." He doesn't know. I ask how many years is the loan. He doesn't know. The E-6 asks him what interest rate. He doesn't know. I ask him without looking, tell me how many miles are on it. He guesses 50. The E-6 asks him how much he's paying on insurance. He doesn't know.

He accuses us of hating, because he's showing my Miata and the E-6's SVT Cobra up. Says he got a great deal. The dealership even put too much money on the loan paperwork, so they cut him a check for the difference (1200 bucks) right there. "Cash back!" he smiles. We sigh. March him (literally, marched him across Barton Field) to 1SG's office. Send him home to get paperwork. A year old, 1500 mile Dodge Nitro, 72 months at 21.5 percent APR. They got him a 10-day no-name dogshit insurance policy to get him sold. He tries to tell 1SG about how he got cash back. 1SG looks at him and screams "YOU'RE PAYING TWENTY PERCENT INTEREST ON THAT TOO, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!". He washes his hands of it all. Tells me and the E-6 to see if anything can be done.

We go to the dealer, knowing full well they're not taking it back. The PFC tries to claim to the dealer he's got 3 days to change his mind. The dealer tells him that's not true. I tell him it's not true. His E-6 says that's not true. He still argues. His E-6 locks him up at parade rest right there in the dealership office.

It gets better. That was Monday. On Wednesday after work, we're having a barbecue to send off one of our guys who re-enlisted to go to 67th Sig, who was deploying. It's on family housing in Fort Gordon. The PFC comes with his family. I learn he (a 22 year old schmuck) has married a 30-something fat woman with two kids already. The kids are hellions. His wife is dull and collects ceramic something. He has a few beers, gets into a fight with her. He gets in his brand new-ish Nitro, which was parked on a grassy strip, and 20 feet from us in the backyard barbecue, peels out on the grass and guns it down the road.

WOOOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Base police was literally 500 feet behind him, turning into family housing. Sees him peel out. Hits the lights, and gets him on a DUI- right in front of his entire platoon and chain. 30 people reach for their cellphones at the same time.

Thursday is the whole platoon in Class A's, writing out sworn statements en masse, and going into 1SG's office in singles or small groups to get screamed at. My turn is me by myself, and 1SG asks "You knew that motherfucker was dumb as a box of rocks, why didn't you stop him?"

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GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

kathmandu posted:

Looks like you just won the thread.

He was warned (67th and 69th had Army-wide bad reputations), but I can empathize. He went right to our unit (442nd Sig) straight out of AIT, and had never been in a line unit and wanted to deploy. Our unit, assholes that they were, would only ok the 4187 if you re-upped to boost their numbers.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

Red87 posted:

I'm in 69th Signal BN in Graf. Its a pretty weird unit, but nothing bad about it. Just really small, and civilians outnumber us in the unit like 5 to 1.

:doh: meant 63rd.


I actually tried to get into 69th when I was set to leave Germany, but with 1ID and 121 Sig's drawdown I was the millionth guy to try.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
How about you fuckers try to top some 3-star, national security-endangering stupidity?

quote:

In October of 1979, construction for an F‑117 Nighthawk support facility at Tonopah began inside Area 52. Tonopah was so far removed from the already far removed and restricted sites at Area 51 and the Nevada Test Site that no one outside a need-to-know had ever even heard of it. The facility at Area 51 served as a model for the facility being built at Area 52. Similarly styled runways and taxiways were built, as well as a maintenance hangar, using crews already cleared for work on Nevada Test Site contracts. Sixteen mobile homes were carted in, and several permanent support buildings were constructed. Sandia didn't want to draw attention to the project, so the Air Force officers assigned to the base were ordered to grow their hair long and to grow beards. Sporting a hippie look, as opposed to a military look, was less likely to draw unwanted attention to a highly classified project cropping up in the outer reaches of the Nevada Test Site. That way, the men could do necessary business in the town of Tonopah.

The two facilities, Area 51 and Area 52, worked in tandem to get the F‑117 battle-ready. When a mock attack at the guard gate at Area 51 occurred, in 1982, test flights of the F‑117 - which only ever happened at night - were already in full swing. For some weeks, a debate raged as to how an act of idiocy by a small group of Wackenhut Security guards nearly outed a billion-dollar aircraft as well as two top secret military test facilities that had remained secret for thirty years. An estimated ten thousand personnel had managed to keep the F‑117 program in the dark. There was a collective mopping of the brow and succinct orders to move on, and then, two years later, the program was nearly outed again when an Air Force general broke protocol and decided to take a ride in one of Area 51's prized MiG fighter jets.

The death of Lieutenant General Robert M. Bond on April 26, 1984, in Area 25 of the Nevada Test Site was an avoidable tragedy. With 267 combat missions under his belt, 44 in Korea and 213 in Vietnam, Robert M. Bond was a highly decorated Air Force pilot revered by many. At the time of his accident, he was vice commander of Air Force Systems Command at Andrews Air Force Base, in Maryland, which made him a VIP when it came to the F‑117 program going on at Area 51. In March of 1984, General Bond arrived at the secret facility to see how things were progressing. The general's visit should have been no different than those made by the scores of generals whose footsteps Bond was following in, visits that began back in 1955 with men like General James "Jimmy" Doolittle and General Curtis LeMay. The dignitaries were always treated in high style; they would eat, drink, and bear witness to top secret history being made. Following in this tradition, General Bond's first visit went without incident.

But in addition to being impressed by the F‑117 Nighthawk, General Bond was equally fascinated by the MiG program, which was still going on at Area 51. In the fifteen years since the CIA had gotten its hands on Munir Redfa's MiG‑21, the Agency and the Air Force had acquired a fleet of Soviet-made aircraft including an MiG‑15, an MiG‑17, and, most recently, the supersonic MiG‑23. Barnes says, "We called it the Flogger. It was a very fast plane, almost Mach 3. But it was squirrelly. Hard to fly. It could kill you if you weren't well trained."

On a visit to Area 51 the following month, General Bond requested to fly the MiG‑23. "There was some debate about whether the general should be allowed to fly," Barnes explains. "Every hour in a Soviet airplane was precious. We did not have spare parts. We could not afford unnecessary wear and tear. Usually a pilot would train for at least two weeks before flying a MiG. Instead, General Bond got a briefing while sitting inside the plane with an instructor pilot saying, ‘Do this, do that.'" In other words, instead of undergoing two weeks of training, General Bond pulled rank. Just a few hours later, General Bond was seated in the cockpit of the MiG, flying high over Groom Lake. All appeared to be going well, but just as he crossed over into the Nevada Test Site, Bond radioed the tower on an emergency channel. "I'm out of control," General Bond said in distress. The MiG was going approximately Mach 2.5. "I've got to get out, I'm out of control" were the general's last words. The MiG had gone into a spin and was on its way down. Bond ejected from the airplane but was apparently killed when his helmet strap broke his neck. The general and the airplane crashed into Area 25 at Jackass Flats, where the land was still highly contaminated from the secret NERVA [nuclear rocket] tests that had gone on there.



How a general's fatal joyride in a secret enemy jet almost revealed Area 51eneral Bond's death opened the possible exposure of five secret programs and facilities, including the MiG program, the F‑117 program, Area 51, Area 52, and the nuclear reactor explosions at Jackass Flats. Unlike the deaths of CIA pilots flying out of Area 51, which could be concealed as generic training accidents, the death of a general required detailed explanation. If the press asked too many questions, it could trigger a federal investigation. One program had to come out of the dark to keep the others hidden. The Pentagon made the decision to out the MiG. Quietly, Fred Hoffman, a military writer with the Associated Press, was "leaked" information that Bond had in fact died at the controls of a Soviet MiG-23. The emphasis was put on how the Pentagon was able to obtain Soviet- bloc aircraft and weaponry from allies in Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Asia. "The government has always been reluctant to discuss such acquisitions for fear of embarrassing the friendly donors, but the spotlight was turned anew on the subject after a three-star Air Force general was killed April 26 in a Nevada plane crash that was quickly cloaked in secrecy," Hoffman wrote, adding "sources who spoke on condition they remain anonymous have indicated the MiG‑23, the most advanced Soviet warplane ever to fall permanently into U.S. hands, was supplied to this country by Egypt."

With this partial cover, the secrets of Area 51, Area 52, Area 25, and the F‑117 were safe. It would be another four years before the public had any idea the F‑117 Nighthawk existed. In November of 1988, a grainy image of the arrowhead-shaped, futuristic-looking craft was released to an awestruck public despite the fact that variations of the F-117 had been flying at Area 51 and Area 52 for eleven years.

Editor's note: The site of the MiG-23 crash was memorialized with a small black granite marker, flush with the surrounding desert and deep within U.S. government property. Its inscription reads: "BOBBY BOND APRIL 26, 1984. HE WAS A MAN OF GREAT STRENGTH A WARM AND FAITHFUL FRIEND, WHO GAVE HIS LIFE FOR THE COUNTRY HE LOVED"

http://jalopnik.com/5807385/how-a-generals-fatal-joyride-in-a-secret-enemy-jet-almost-revealed-area-51

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
iyaayas is our unofficial USAF historian I'd love to hear his take on it

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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DrCuntmuffins posted:

nothin wrong with workin at the 'mpf

whoops wrong thread, here I leave you with this:



Is that...senior NCO rank tabs? Is he ROTC or student 1st sergeant or something?

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
Almost all non-timing cards on our switching shelters were hot-swappable. They still, however, were very ESD-sensitive so when my roommate in Iraq said "watch this" and grabbed a handful of sand, scattered it around the aluminum Air Force cargo pallet we used for a platform between shelters, scuffed his feet around for a minute, then carefully made sure to enter the switching shelter without touching the frame, spit on his hand, then grabbed the lovely DLPMA card that had been giving us intermittent faults for the last two months but we had no more replacements in our ready stock for, welp

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Our Gay Apparel posted:

You don't get an O-6 involved if you zero a KYK or ANCD or SKL. That's ridiculous.

yeah, for good christ that's two minutes to fix.

I can see some repercussions for letting a sensitive item get ran over, and a statement of charges for sure, but relieved? There had to have been something else going on there.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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psydude posted:

Officers generally don't get second chances when they gently caress up like that.

AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


AHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH gently caress I'M DYIN

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:

I think the reason most prior service guys are weird poo poo bags is because they are too stupid or lazy to manage life as a civilian, so they need uncle Sam to hold their hands.

In the lack of an actual personality or sense of character, they'll adopt and exaggerate whatever biographical info they can. Either they were in the Army for 3 years and ARMY VET PROUD for the next 50. Or they're the one guy from a different state and start every story YOU KNOW BACK IN MINNUSOTAHHH.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
I have an embarrassingly moto 5.11 assault pack. It was the only thing I could ever find that would hold six books and all my folders.

Thankfully, it's just black. I'd have schlepped a regular backpack before I bought an ACU pattern.



Incidentally, two semesters ago, I think in my Macroecon class, we had the mandatory introduction stuff. Name, a sentence about yourself, etc.

Cue a living essay from the guy in a field jacket, a Ranger ballcap, and a 10th Mountain patch.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Gunktacular posted:

I hope they drop the hammer on him.

Don't hold your breath. If anything can be learned from this thread, it's that the military doesn't properly punish stupidity.

Imagine if nobody found out about it until after someone had a hot report come back from the lab.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Icon Of Sin posted:

Sounds like we were at Role 3 around the same time; I was working for them when we opened up the WRC, which lead to its own special brand of retarded-ness. Stuff along the lines of "This soldier was waiting to outprocess through the CASF, why the gently caress are you putting him on a bird back to his old FOB? Was it because he testified at the court martial that resulted from PVT Danny Chen eating a bullet from his own gun?" Yea, that one went over extremely well once I let BDE medops know what I had found. IG got involved at some point too, though I don't know when/how/if it was ever really resolved.

as in, "there's guys on his old FOB who would love to kill him" ?

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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We don't talk like we're in a pirate movie

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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I'm honestly not throwing stones because "latrine" is a stupid outdated term that I never used after I left Basic, and Christ knows it took me a year to flush the dumber parts of Army lingo from my vocabulary.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
We did room clearance once for Sergeant's time. With no blanks or MILES gear, or paintballs or anything.

A signal platoon doing room clearance and shouting BANG BANG. Randoms from same platoon getting eenie-meenie-miney-moe'd for OPFOR. Shouting matchs about who killed who. An E-6 whose idea it was, getting steadily more purple as the morning progressed.

The cherry on top was the Battalion training NCO stopping by at 11:30 wanting to see a run-through to see what we learned. And getting the 100 dollar version of the show.

When the TNCO dragged all E-5 and up around the Conex to yell at them, all us E-4s smiled and fist-bumped.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Arishtat posted:

Fortunately PFC Roommate was the last firer of the day so the rest of us packed up our poo poo, closed the range and went back to Vilseck while he and an NCO got to sit on the range and wait for EOD to come blow up the dud rocket.

Range Control on Wildflecken was a sight to behold. Former US base, turned over to the Germans after BRAC in the 1990s. We still do ranges there occasionally (we were there on a Mk19/M203 range). We had paint grenades all day, and a grand total of five explosive M203 rounds to fire. CSM tried to pump us up over the chance to be one of the guys to fire A REAL LIVE EXPLOSIVE ROUND, but the usual happened- dumb poo poo, extra work, super long day, so by the end of the day none of us really gave a drat. I can't remember how they chose the five, but I'm sure PT scores were pretty much it.

First guy fires. Dud. Call range control. Range control comes out an hour later. The only cool range control guy in existence says "Meh. Might as well fire the rest of your poo poo. 5 duds is the same to us as one."

2nd guy fires. Dud.

3rd guy fires. Dud.

4th guy fires. Massively disappointing boom.

5th guy fires. I guess it blew up, I was already packing my truck at that point.

The shame is it was a really cool setup firing from one mountaintop at targets set up on the other one. But our unit, per Army tradition, had to throttle every bit of fun out of the experience.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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I almost hate to ruin my D&D Monster Manual-influenced vision of this but I gotta know

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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I do remember quite a few (and some decent quality) roadside hookers in Pilzen, so I guess that's Eastern Europe for you?

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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karbraxis posted:

can confirm forest hookers. going to cheb from graf you would see them right as soon as you passed that giant asian flea market. we even had them wave us down and try to gently caress us.

I miss the poo poo out of that Asian flea market. Best knockoff name-label clothes I ever bought. We'd hit it going and coming on Prague trips.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Military Story Rule #1- if your military story is really cool and it has the word "drill sergeant" it is not really cool and nobody wants to loving hear it

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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DRONES CURE HAJI posted:

But it worked out, didn't have to go to WLC 2 months before my ETS.

They got serious about stopping this around 2006. WLC would literally turn people around on Day 0 back to their units if they were four (six?) months or less from ETS. We all know why- a slew of retarded E8s and E9s thinking that if they just get SPC Gettinout to WLC he'll come back all hooah and re-up.

I'm sure the Army has backslid since, but it was nice to take the teeth out of some of the threats me and others were getting about it.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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TheUnhorse posted:

honestly this is my stance. call it what it is and just own it. america sure as gently caress wasn't the first country to invent killing babies.

yeah people always slippery slope when you go there but gently caress it, there's good murder and there's efficient murder and there's indifferent murder and there's bad murder

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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TheUnhorse posted:

hey there friendo :) let's put down our swords, if only to kill babies together

hell yes

this state is so anti-abortion and yet so in need of judicious application

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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If someone gets uptight about the meaning of "liberal" and tries to argue about the original (ie, Hayek usually) meaning of it, that's fairly D&D

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!
Similarly, "crypto-fascist" lost all meaning rather quickly

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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doogle posted:

I'm pretty sure the limits of the GTC are around 15k if you had decent credit when you applied (as of ~2012). There is a bad credit version but I'm not sure what the limit is on that.

A GS-14 from up in the Northeast was up for a spot here in a civilian Army office recently; he had no credit cards or ability to use a government travel card. He couldn't understand why the office here couldn't pay for his plane ticket and hotel room and give him some spending cash so he could come down to interview.

He was up against another GS-14 who flew into Pensacola and took a limo to Mobile, and tried to get the office here to pay for three additional days' stay so she could sightsee in the area. She got the job.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Nurge posted:

I don't know what you folks call it but it's basically just barbed wire except instead of the old style barbs there's little hooked razorblade things running through.

Concertina wire. They have gloves for handling it that are basically thick welders' gloves with a bunch of metal stapling across them. You will still tear up your uniform loving with it no matter how careful you are.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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E-9s always had a fetish in the Signal Corps for yanking on groundstraps like they were supposed to tether the entire site to the Earth in case gravity reversed or something. It was always my wet dream to see one of them do it on a rainy day and become shortest path to ground for an entire loving Node Center.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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gleep gloop posted:

Jesus Christ. I can see signal being all retarded about that "Bravo company hammered their stake in almost six inches deeper than Alpha! THIS IS THE NEW STANDARD!" Could you get an award for hammering a stake real good?

They threatened UCMJ for anyone caught with a cheater, which led me to asking what was a cheater (cut-off section of ground rod), leading to me actually using a cheater one frozen field problem in Hohenfels. Thanks for the education, Sergeant Major!

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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50FA did watching Buffalo Soldiers piss you off all over again

Also legit sorry to hear about your brother. He was a great entertainer and a good D&D poster.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Veins McGee posted:

Jarhead was based on a book written by a Marine. The details are off because of the film industry and the length of time between when the events happened and when the book was written.

I've always told people that Jarhead was best in capturing the overall theme of frustrated boredom, and not to get too wrapped up in the biographical details. Half the book is collected urban legends anyway.


We never- not once- had our sleep hosed in Basic (Ft Jackson, 2002). After the first week I started to realize how badly the drill sergeant position had been emasculated.

Field time in the regular Army? Pffftttt. Get it where you can find it, motherfucker.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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anne frank fanfic posted:

You killed a man and your post was long and boring too and kept going on and on and it was real bad. And you killed a man in real life or like to make it seem like you did by typing about how you killed a man on the internet.

did the thread title confuse you

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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We used to hide out during Thursday training in the old Nike sites in Kitzingen (Larson Barracks).

Am I going to die?

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Fojar38 posted:

Unless the Soviet Army had an equivalent idiot to soldier ratio, in which case it would have been the funniest war ever.

It was greater, believe it or not. We found out a lot of hilarious (and terrifying) things about USSR incompetence after 1989.

50FA, you oughta watch Buffalo Soldiers. It's probably inaccurate as hell, but it's the only movie I've ever seen that actually showed the Cold War Army (especially USAREUR) as a bunch of criminals.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Signaleer posted:

I forgot about this one. When the Russians invaded Georgia back in 2008 I was in Iraq. I was watching CNN in the TOC with a MSG as they started showing BMPs rolling across the border. MSG was elated.

:mil101: Woohoo! Finally, we're not the only ones willing to go after these cave dwelling terrorist fucks. I hope they kill every last one of those bastards.

Aside from being a predominantly Christian country, Georgia was part of that whole coalition of the willing deal and a close American ally. There were Georgians on our FOB until the poor bastards got flown out to go fight the Russians or whatever. I don't think he ever grasped that. NCOs lead the way!

We were stuck with a Georgian contingent in OIFII.

I was pulling for Putin.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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holocaust bloopers posted:

I would've paid a lot of money to have seen this all play out IRL. gently caress let's just make it mandatory that everyone has to wear a GoPro at all times.

http://www.amazon.com/Aliens-Colonial-Marines-Helmet-Cam/dp/B000NE8D3Y

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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PLANES CURE TOWERS posted:

I know a dude who is batshit insane about Aliens. Has a room in his house basically decked out like the Nostromo with all his prop weapons, aliens, etc.

It's not quite Star Wars/Star Trek, but people go fuckin crazy for that poo poo,

http://forums.somethingawful.com/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=88755

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Mike-o posted:

If you haven't had monday morning döner runs then you are literally hitler.
:godwin:

It's especially unforgivable in Wuerzburg. There was a German truck that parked right by the PX and had a big rotisserie in the back, half the spits with chickens and the other half with ham hocks. The salty drippings from the ham got on the chicken,and the savory drippings from the chicken got on the ham. A ham hock was like 4 euro, it'd make you feel dehydrated and queasy hours later but it was incredible to eat.

Thursday mornings I stopped in the bakery in downtown Kitzingen on the way to work and picked up a dozen croissants. I know none of the barracks rats were eating breakfast (Thursday = sergeant's time = no PT = you have to get up early on your own if you wanna eat breakfast) so I brought them in for my team.

I had to quit because all the goddamned senior NCOs started making their way over to our site on their "rounds" much more regularly once they noticed there was food.

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GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

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Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

Is that what prohibition related poverty is? I've been trying to figure it out but google isn't helpful.

It was word vomit by an idiot poster about how the man is keeping poor meth addicts down so they can't make and afford the good poo poo which has no bad symptoms or health effects, I guess

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