Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Hekk posted:

I had a SSgt in one of my units that turned out to be narcoleptic. Dude would pass the gently caress out anytime he was sitting down not doing anything.

I do this but I think it's called "officework is loving boring as poo poo"

# ¿ Dec 26, 2012 07:34

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# ¿ May 7, 2024 13:30

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Deathy McDeath posted:

If he's not claiming to be a SEAL then why do you care?

Back when VeriSeal's list of imposters was still posted on their website, I found one of my uncles on there.

:smith:

# ¿ Jan 31, 2013 22:43

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Ron Jeremy posted:

I met this guy:

http://youtu.be/rj2Mqk6LfvU?t=1m53s

I knew something was off with him minutes into the conversation, but it went way over the top later when he claimed he had been a green beret AND a navy seal.

Well it has been done at least once, by a guy named Jeff Krause, but that was a long time ago and he wrote a book about it.

You Want Me To Do What, by Jeff Krause

# ¿ Feb 1, 2013 00:09

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

ifire posted:

Are all people in the military named Josh crazy like this? This sounds exactly like a dude I knew in the army guard.

Does it count if a Ryan drunkenly shot a Josh in the leg with an 8mm Mauser and then the Josh covered up for him (they were brothers, Army Reserve, a few years back)?.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2013 07:42

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Best one I ever saw was the almost-9-line for a local national fuel guy who tried to weld shut a massive leak in his fuel truck. Vaporized himself and no one else. Nine-line was never dropped due to there being "absolutely nothing left."

# ¿ Apr 9, 2013 23:44

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Cenen posted:

First hand story from the gently caress up himself. Dude brings his Playstation in for nightshift and is just chillin' having a good time when he gets a text from this chick he knows saying she wants to hook up with him or whatever. Well guy is like 'gently caress yeah lets do this I even know a place' since there was an extra room in the far end of the sleep lab that was the unofficial gently caress spot. So she meets up with him and they head off to the sleep lab while the husband he may or may not have known she had rips a shutter cover off of one of the hospital entrances and proceeds to steal his Playstation while the wife just blue balls the guy.

Well he just got played and played hard so what does he do? Complains to Chief.

Chief she lured me to the sleep lab and her husband broke in and stole my Playstation and now I want it back!
Why the hell are you bringing your Playstation to work while you have patients on ventilators? Why are you leaving your post to have sex with married women in my sleep lab?

In the end I think they got his Playstation back for him, and he narrowly dodged having to pay for the door the husband broke since I guess he thought ripping a metal shutter off it's hinges to get in a back exit was more stealthy than just walking in and out the front?

I don't think you did first-hand right

# ¿ Apr 21, 2013 10:04

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Lord Gaga posted:

I was being facetious though I don't really mind posting pics of myself. I'm a mechanical engineer and just enjoy this thread and really didn't mean to derail it by posting a single comment and joke. I guess some people are very passionate about me not posting where they also post.

This is maybe 2 months old:

Dating your sister is p cool I guess, in Kentucky or whatever

# ¿ May 3, 2013 03:08

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

JSARSOM posted:

What the gently caress is going on in here.

I guess we're talking about an idiot?

# ¿ May 3, 2013 03:19

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:

It was an abslsoute disaster and I think someone even called the cops on their date? Every goon dating thing has been an absolute failure, I mean go figure a bunch of angry poor 20 somethings don't make good lovers.

You try having sex when your dick is overshadowed by your gut and covered in cheetos

No amount of lube in the world

# ¿ May 3, 2013 04:34

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Vasudus posted:

what in the gently caress this isnt the drunk thread

Totally sober, dude

Don't blame us for that fuckin Melvin dropping a verbal flashbang

# ¿ May 3, 2013 05:27

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

iyaayas01 posted:

Dash 60 isn't the only one, a fair amount of pieces of AGE and MMHE have them...the general reasoning is twofold: it keeps them from being on the ground and in the way, and on the larger pieces of equipment (not the Dash 60, think a Hobart or some of the larger munitions trailers) the towbar is so heavy that lifting it up by yourself without some sort of mechanical assistance can be a pain in the rear end.

But it's not like they're hair trigger spring loaded just waiting to smack you in the face if you look at them wrong (although the Dash 60's is a little springier than most of the others), you have to be pretty goddamned stupid to get smacked with one. Also the Dash 60's isn't even at face level, so I don't want to know the thought process that got her putting her face down at the level where it could get hit.

Every ammo/pod trailer I ever used had a manual lift bar, as do our Hobarts. The only equipment I've ever used with a spring-loaded bar is the Dash 60.

# ¿ May 15, 2013 06:47

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Godholio posted:

Anyone who has a tire cage and doesn't use one is a loving idiot.

AWO DISCUSSING AGE

:psypop:

FYI some fighters (at least F-16's) don't have tire cages for on-aircraft tire servicing

# ¿ May 19, 2013 14:58

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Cole posted:

You can do that same thing at any apartment complex/neighborhood that has a security guard at the entrance.

Cole living high and mighty in the rich part of town. Who'd you suck off for a one bedroom apartment in the complex with minimum wage gate guards?

Nwabudike Morgan posted:

smoke weed on base. have your dealer deliver to the base

Unironically this

Riot Carol Danvers fucked around with this message at 06:43 on Jul 21, 2015

# ¿ Jul 21, 2015 06:40

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

DownByTheWooter posted:

Isn't Abq the police department with the Feds in their rear end for shooting people all the god drat time, too? Hahaha I'm pretty sure that came about from that sick gopro video from the end of an M4 clone lighting up some homeless dude.

They also have a couple of smoking hot broads working there.

And back to WWII idiot stories:

The only real story my granddad every told was about his time in infantry right after the invasion. He and a buddy got separated from their squad, and wandered through the night until they found an American AAA unit. They chilled with them and were in the middle of eating when a P-47 flew overhead in a close dogfight with an Fw-190 (he was always an airplane guy, with his own T-6). He said the AAA guys started lighting up the sky, and accidentally shot down the P-47. The guy parachuted out, and a little while later came up to them screaming. He maintained, for 60 years, he had never seen a human being as angry as that pilot that day.

Can't say I blame him.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2016 06:40

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Do Marines seriously call their combat dress "cammies"?

You should watch Ears Open Eyeballs Click for an inside look at how dumb marine boot is and the stupid poo poo they call things.

It's supposed to be some big serious doc / thinkpiece but it's really a comedy

# ¿ May 28, 2016 12:39

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

There was also that poor kid in AF basic who went in for gall bladder surgery and came out minus both of his legs.

Feres doctrine is so hosed.

# ¿ Jun 29, 2016 00:33

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

AkrisD posted:

He wasn't in basic. He was from my unit at Beale and had his surgery at Travis. So many people every year get hosed by military medical and I'm gobsmacked every time someone suggests it's a benefit rather than a liability. Not that there aren't good practitioners but it's pretty much rolling the dice. We had a woman that went in for something wrong with her lady parts, not minor, but nothing insane. Came out with a hysterectomy since apparently the doc needed practice (this can't be a thing, right?) She did sign saying it was a possibility though during surgery so she's hosed whichever way.

Ah, you right. I was confusing him with one of the many poor fuckers who died in basic due to negligence and incompetence.

# ¿ Jun 29, 2016 04:54

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

LostCosmonaut posted:

I need some advice (not for me, but for a friend on another forum);

"Easier to maintain" Hahahahaha

As a former helicopter FE and fighter maintainer, his line of thinking is pretty off. Get him to try for a flying job, and use his GI bill/TA to pay for an airframe and power plant license. You won't get into civilian aircraft maintenance without one.

Army helo crew chiefs might get the cert through their training, but I'm not sure. I know air force guys don't. Army helo crew chief lets you fly and do maintenance, with all the benefits and the drawbacks of both jobs, and the added draw back of "army". So take that as you will.

# ¿ Jul 3, 2016 02:17

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

you wouldnt think we'd have to say that, but holly bloops sure proved us wrong today

What? Link?

# ¿ Jul 3, 2016 03:21

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

iyaayas01 posted:

Check out the dad chat thread. He was idly thinking (not seriously) about going back in into an ANG unit because he missed flying.

Yeah, I saw. You guys are loving dicks.

In response, have this:

# ¿ Jul 3, 2016 18:49

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Terrible Robot posted:

Pokemon Go came out yesterday and I guess you walk around your town and find pokemans or something and they level up based on how much you walk or some poo poo I dunno.

Anyway a buddy of mine in the Army just told me they already had a dude get in a bit of trouble for using a Blackhawk to try and catch 'em all. Said dude was hovering over the PX in a no fly zone.

Army Blackhawks are not single pilot aircraft, so for that to be true, there would have to have been at least two idiots going along with it, and probably ignoring crew chiefs in the back going "this is a bad idea, sir."

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 17:15

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

chemosh6969 posted:

or crew chiefs saying "i just got a pikachus"

Yeah, you're probably right

"No slide right I got a pokemans on that lady's head!"

Or whatever, I don't know how the game works

# ¿ Jul 8, 2016 19:07

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

chitoryu12 posted:

An intersex person is actually a medical thing, what a lot of people call a hermaphrodite. They end up with genitalia and reproductive systems that don't firmly fall under male or female. They suffer a lot of problems in society, one of which is surgeons and/or parents deciding that the baby that came out with ambiguous genitals needs some surgical work to "fix" them.

Not ashamed to admit I didn't know about much about intersex, as a concept past "it's gots both doodads!", until that article on Cracked.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2016 21:41

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

People blaming a funky automatic gear selector. How do you gently caress up operating that, or not putting on a parking brake.

If you have to make a five minute video explaining how to operate a "funky automatic gear selector" then it's probably loving unnecessary.

Edit: okay, it's just under 3 minutes, but seriously watch this stupid poo poo

https://youtu.be/SUWVYrpd-3g

# ¿ Jul 13, 2016 20:34

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

CommieGIR posted:

Worst I saw was the MTI flip a recruits bed and then his locker.

I saw one sneak in, look at us, give us the "shhh" sign, and pick up one of the beds with no top bunk. He straight up lifted it at the head and the kid in bed just fell out and landed on his feet. It was p funny.

Well that's my story thanks for listening

# ¿ Sep 18, 2016 02:56

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Let's Talk About Idiots > it's all about eggs, idiot

# ¿ Oct 28, 2016 18:00

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

suboptimal posted:

The gently caress, dude?! Dunno if you're taking the 25 or 50 mg Benadryl but that seems to be enough to cross into serious deliriant territory. When I flew to the U.K. for a family vacation like 12 years ago, I took like 4 25 mg Benadryl with a whiskey on the plane, proceeded to write a love letter to my best female friend, cried watching Hidalgo and then woke up convinced that the sunrise was actually the Northern Lights and that my parents had pulled a bait and switch on my sister and I and that we were actually going to the Arctic. Mind you I don't remember any of this, but my sister does because I apparently made her proofread the letter, sobbed about the brave horsey to her, and then wouldn't shut the gently caress up about polar bears.

This is my favorite post in the last 10 pages.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2016 21:51

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Proud Christian Mom posted:

Not that I want to seem like I'm cramping anyone's style

Too late, captain buzzkill

# ¿ Oct 30, 2016 22:57

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

chemosh6969 posted:

I remember when they got rid of canned soda at Kadena and everyone was saying "they stopped it because the cans are classified as 1.2 explosives because the cans can explode", so they can't fly with them on airplanes. I'm not talking about one person but everyone was saying this and would argue with me when I said how stupid that was.

That's on the list of "dumbest poo poo I've ever heard" and given that I was in the Air Force, that's a pretty big deal

# ¿ Nov 3, 2016 18:07

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Aranan posted:

Is caffeinated dip a thing? I have a feeling it'd sell very well to army people. Same for energy cigarettes.

Skoal XTRA I think it's called is caffeinated

# ¿ Nov 7, 2016 21:28

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

Aranan posted:

Honestly surprised this poo poo isn't more common on bases, then. What with how most soldiers chain drink energy drinks and consume any form of tobacco.

Pretty sure it's in every Class Six/AAFES but who the gently caress knows anymore since I'm no longer active to verify.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2016 00:03

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

hands across highway 23

They don't seem to be overly concerned so I'm guessing inert rounds.

A ways back but don't ever count on that. An A-10 jettisoned some live bombs on a hill outside Nellis AFB in Vegas due to an emergency, and they were never found. We were restricted from landing our helicopters there (we used it for training a lot and it was an area accessible to the public), but after about a month they said "eh, good enough" and never gave a poo poo again.

# ¿ Jun 1, 2018 20:39

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:

I wrote a thing for class and it gave me feelings so allow me to share it with y'all:

A Story About Idiots

Yep. That better get a good grade.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2019 02:08

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# ¿ May 7, 2024 13:30

Riot Carol Danvers: Jul 30, 2004; It's super dumb, but I can't stop myself. This is just kind of how I do things.

DoktorLoken posted:

lol, only brainwashed AD people would ever care that much about something in the military.

My concern was always less "active duty/guard" and more "don't let the army use it, because they'll loving destroy it"

# ¿ Mar 25, 2019 23:03

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