Slow Motion, the gene pool thanks you

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Slow Motion, the gene pool thanks you

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

All I hear is "I am $25k in terrible, high-interest debt and I want to pay twice as much in rent as most people's mortgage BECAUSE"

# ¿ Jul 19, 2013 05:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 18, 2024 21:20

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Slow Motion posted:

As Promised.
Please tell me if you think there are any glaring omissions. This was done extremely unscientifically and is based mostly on how much I 'feel' that I spent. I'll reconcile it to my July spending at the end of the month. Hopefully I'll get the budget nailed down better then.

The glaring omission is that you're not creating a budget to achieve your financial goals, you're just handwaving a bunch of numbers around and will then make a spreadsheet to account for your spending habits after the fact. That's not a budget.

You wanted honesty, so let's be honest. You're not in trouble because of your debt, you're in trouble because of your savings (or, more accurately, your not-having-savings) and your lovely financial attitude. You could probably cruise along in your bomb rear end penthouse for the next two years and shovel yourself out of debt, or dip into your 401k and get there a little faster, but then you're just stealing from your retirement savings in order to make your penthouse life happen. I happen to think both are stupid.

I make the same amount you do, so I understand having all this cash every month and thinking things are cool and you'll be fine. But with such a large cash outflow, you have no buffer against possibilities like losing your job or having something bad happen to you. You also have no freedom - you are stuck in this job as long as you want to maintain your lifestyle, and your attitude indicates that your lifestyle desires will only expand with your income.

Let's suppose I was plopped down in your place right now. I would keep contributing to my 401k, because I can and because saving for retirement is a high priority for me. I have $6k left each month to help knock out debt. I'd cut expenses down to $1k/month (reasonable, about what I spend now, but you will have to cut out luxuries that you're used to instead of budgeting around what you normally spend) and find a place to sublet for $500/month for the next six months. Then I'd be debt free. I'd stay in that place and finish out my lease for the year, giving me $30k savings by the end of the first year. I'd take a vacation to Hawaii to celebrate. Then I'd find a nicer place to rent for $1000-1500 and keep my expenses the same for the next year. I'd have around $70k saved by the end of the second year for a nice downpayment on a house or as an emergency buffer or as extra retirement savings. Wow, awesome. Look at me go. How loving cool am I? Now I can start spending $2k/month on a mortgage for a place I really like and can own for myself.

You, on the other hand, will putz around with your dick in your hand for two years, and you might have your debt paid off by then, probably by stealing money from your 401k first, and nothing else to show for it but that you can tell everyone you lived in a really nice place for two years. I don't know what is going through your brain.

You're not going to pay attention to any advice I give you so here is a picture of a marmoset:

# ¿ Jul 19, 2013 19:53

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Why did you make this thread if you're just going to ignore all the advice people give you and keep doing whatever you want to?

# ¿ Jul 19, 2013 21:37

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

I didn't see any line item budgets for peanut butter OR raisins, what the gently caress are you doing buying celery if you're not making ants on a log?

# ¿ Jul 22, 2013 07:19

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

He's a financial consultant, iirc from another thread. Let that sink in for a moment.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2013 17:14

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

SloMo, stay in my guest room in San Diego and I'll slap you every day in the face with a wad of hundred dollar bills to wake you up, how baller is that?

# ¿ Jan 5, 2014 21:48

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Come on SloMo, you can do it!

I've suffered from depression, and it always takes a hit on my productivity. Hopefully this isn't just a manic phase, make sure you're keeping healthy and not working yourself too thin. Sleep more, internet less.

# ¿ Jan 10, 2014 19:49

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Slow Motion posted:

If I'm talking down it's because people are failing to understand the basics of income and demanding that I come down to their level.

You know, all I knew when I left high school was "don't spend money before it hits my bank account." That's the very most basic of basics of income.

I'm a couple of years older than you, SloMo. I don't work in finance and I've never had a six-figure job. But my net worth is half a million now because I understood that one basic tenet. I'm not a hugely frugal person, either - I take international trips once or twice a year, and visit Maui every year for a couple of weeks, and I tend to eat out, drink, do drugs, all the ballin stuff you seem to enjoy. But there's much more to being wealthy than living like a baller:

- you can help family and friends through hard times
- you can give to charities you really care about
- you can support artists and musicians you enjoy
- you can invest in side ventures you believe in
- you can quit/downsize your job to spend more time with your family

When you speak down to people who are trying to help you, it makes you look like a jackass. To me, though, the bigger issue is that you don't understand what being wealthy really means. For you, it's just a way to live the same way you've been living on credit, and that's why you don't really care about getting rid of debt. I hope that there are things that you care about more than getting drunk and partying. That stuff is fun and you can certainly do it when you're wealthy, but it's just skimming the surface of living a rich life.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2014 00:26

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Slow Motion posted:

Try to understand that I got here more on the back of an abusive marriage than drinking or partying. I have a knee-jerk hatred for the 'holier than thou based on my bank account' types because of it. Your mention of your net worth gave me the same rage. See where the debt starts at $35,000 at the beginning of the year? I had blood dripping down my face right about then.

I understand what it's like to have a significant other piss away a ton of your money - not as much as you did, but I get the feeling. It sucks. It feels like you're being punished for something someone else did. It's not fair, and it's not right, but it happens. All you can do is choose how you're going to react to it.

You've had a good January, keep it up this month. Try to figure out what your real goals are and how getting out of debt will help you achieve those goals. Buying a bunch of stuff usually isn't the main goal, so figuring out why you're buying an 80 dollar rug is going to help you curb those impulses sometimes.

I'm not sure about this, but I get the vibe that you like to spend a lot of money to impress women. The good ones aren't impressed by poo poo like that, and if you just want to get laid you can do that without buying expensive cocktails. If your goal is "make my apartment fun and nice for me to live in", I'm guessing the fireflies project did a lot better with that than the rug. You'll forget about the rug in a few days and it'll just be something to walk on. The fireflies project you probably learned something building it, it's creative work, manual work which tends to refresh your energy more, and it's something you can feel proud of for building (despite what people's tastes are on the internet).

Semi-irrelevant storytime: When I first visited my boyfriend's apartment a couple years ago, the car door handle broke off in my hand before I got out and then I walked into a mess of an apartment with no chairs or couch, nothing except a couple of pillows on the floor for seating. But there were books half-read on all the counters and handdrawn robot eyes on the cupboard doors, and I fell in love.

This is not to say you shouldn't spend time fixing up your place. But you should fix it up for the right reason - because it makes YOU happy, not to impress anybody else. If it's important to you, spend time and energy on it, and sometimes money. Be wary about spending money to impress other people because you generally are going to have to spend 100x more to impress them than it would take to make you happy just by yourself. Go enjoy your fireflies and bill a bunch of hours tomorrow :3:

# ¿ Feb 7, 2014 08:52

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Please don't do cocaine, slomo! :ohdear:

j/k, sounds like a good plan to me. Are you trying to cut down on liquor consumption? Because do that as soon as you can. Trust me, as you get older it just gets harder to drink, and it's all empty calories... weed is better imo, plus you don't have the hangover that messes with your work productivity.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2014 04:22

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

spwrozek posted:

No, as a fellow 27 year old I grew up after my sophomore year of college. At some point you stop getting high and move on (keeps a clearer mind)

While I agree that the advice is silly (though it is a great book!), I also think that it's kind of wrong to say that people "grow up" out of weed Would you be so condescending to someone who goes out drinking every once in a while? Any form of intoxication is just another form of relaxation, really, and I wouldn't judge anyone who uses drugs as long as they're safe about it. It's a luxury just like alcohol, but relatively cheap.

And yes, I agree with tuyop - fun comes from within, not without. Drugs and alcohol can only enhance what's already there.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2014 05:00

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

tuyop posted:

I would have said the same thing if he had said, "get a couple of bottles of wine and read this book." You shouldn't have to be hosed up to relax or enjoy normally enjoyable stuff, I agree with you.

Or if he said "Eat a couple of loaves of focaccia smeared with pesto from the finest BASIL manufacturer in Canada and read this book"

# ¿ Feb 15, 2014 05:39

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Adults don't respond to empty insults with hateful boast-raging, yo.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2014 22:31

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Slow Motion posted:

Do you think my $13,000 in combined annual 401k contributions is insufficient?

Yes. Especially in a high tax bracket, not maxing out your 401k is stupid as hell. That's so much free money you're pissing away in taxes. God, it hurts my head to think about it..

# ¿ Mar 26, 2014 23:54

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

I don't think most dudes brag about 2-dude threesomes, um.

# ¿ May 13, 2014 19:20

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

when I felt those smooth smooth balls rub up against my balls, man, it was like I was flying towards the sun

# ¿ May 13, 2014 20:17

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Of course. His "single most important" journal is what other people say about him. It's sad and telling both that he cares more about his reputation than about his character.

# ¿ May 13, 2014 22:40

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Grumpwagon posted:

I mean, lets face it, he failed the exam. If he had passed, he would have posted it by now along with his candidate number to prove it.

Well I'm not believing him even if he does this now, he can just pick some rando number that passed to "prove it".

Old Fart posted:

Hey, I'm good at passing tests. Does one need to be baller to be an actuary, or can the common folk do it too?

All you need to do is love staring at Excel macros all day long and dealing with insufferable coworkers like SloMo. Most of my math major buddies who went into the field left within a couple of years because it's mind-numbingly boring, meaningless work. It's something you do to make money then get out as quickly as possible before your soul gets sucked completely dry. Or, you know, something you do forever because you can't stop wasting money on Red Bull.

I thought the same as you, and passed the P-exam when I was in college, the first one at least isn't that hard (it's mostly probability/stats type stuff). Then my boyfriend at the time did an actuarial internship and talked me out of even considering it as a career.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2014 20:32

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

three posted:

SloMo has been the best at knocking out debt, ~~despite~~ due to being the most criticized.

ftfy

# ¿ Aug 1, 2014 22:35

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

SloMo is a bad person on the inside, I think is what the difference is.

# ¿ Dec 6, 2014 00:33

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

forget the OP, when was the last time you read SloMo's poetry? That's the real crime here.

# ¿ Dec 7, 2014 22:26

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

how man paess free tieme

# ¿ Dec 14, 2014 01:24

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Veskit posted:

What's his name?

Their name, okay, it's another threesome.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2014 18:47

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 18, 2024 21:20

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

# ¿ Dec 19, 2014 06:31

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Slow Motion, the gene pool thanks you