RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

hihifellow posted:

Speaking of laptops, while working with our manager of security she said she had a laptop that had been surrendered to security a while ago*; it might have been stolen and then retreived, she wasn't sure. I thought it was the laptop the one user in marketing had stolen from her car, but then I get handed this.

McAffee says it is 14 years out of date, it's running Windows 95 version 4, and came with a PCMCIA 10base2/10baseT NIC with dongle. Not sure what we're going to do with it, no one wants to recycle it because of the novelty/nostalgia factor.

_{_{*She later clarified "before I even started here as a security guard"}}

Put DOS games on it.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2014 22:57

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 13:10

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Smoke posted:

There's still a good use for machines like that.

Pentium, 75MHz, 16MB RAM and Windows 95 with Internet Explorer. The only dead parts are the batteries. Sadly, I do not have a NIC for it. Still worked when I tested it a few months ago too:

Alternatively, set it up to run 90s PC demos on a loop.

Ugh, Dutch Windows annoys me so much.

"U kunt de computer nu uitschakelen."

# ¿ Jan 22, 2014 13:55

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

skooma512 posted:

Re: A retard came in.

This is actually the same one from my bellyaching post earlier this week. Same bat-problem, same bat-moron. Even the normally robotic Indian phone support worklog said "User cannot perform the steps properly", which I take it as the help desk's way of saying "this nigga fuckin' stupid". I kind of want to email or call the helpdesk to commiserate.

He actually managed to get into the VDI system. But he got stopped by the EMR system.

I looked in his password reset history... he's had his password reset at least 15 times since June. I remember when I worked at an audit firm during orientation that IT support said that if you ask for a password reset too many times you're liable to get talked to by a manager. We were just punk rear end interns filling in workpapers, this is a doctor we're talking about. If he habitually forgets this stuff, what else is he forgetting? I'm actually going to talk to our site manager about possibly reporting this to medical staffing as I think it's indicative of him being a potential legal liability to the hospital. Today it's forgotten passwords, tomorrow it's a forgotten allergy. He doesn't even have patients himself, he's just consulting for other doctors.

I understand you don't like the guy but you are an IT person and he is a doctor. You don't know the first thing about being a doctor so much as he doesn't about computer stuff.

What I'm trying to say is that you are in no way qualified to assess this guy's medical performance.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2014 09:22

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Uninstall Java.

# ¿ Jan 27, 2014 22:39

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Someone should make a java spoofer or something. I'm sure like 80-90% of software would work with the latest java without issues if you disable their version check.

# ¿ Jan 28, 2014 16:28

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

SopWATh posted:

We can keep the currently installed JRE from updating, but we can't stop users from going to java.com and downloading the latest version anyway. This is a double problem, because the standard installer breaks the existing GPO install, installs the ask toolbar, and can't be removed (at least not easily) via GPO either.

EDIT: V I suppose that's one route to investigate...

So why do users have rights to install stuff anyway?

# ¿ Jan 28, 2014 23:05

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

GreenNight posted:

Jabber users Java? Ok I made my decision on what my recommendation is. Thanks for the info.

No. Openfire is one of many implementations of the XMPP (Jabber) protocol. Openfire uses Java but there are others that don't.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2014 22:54

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

MG42 posted:

An "internet stopped working".
Turned out the finance department forgot to pay for the fortigate license and as a result the webfilter blocks every single webpage.

We got tired of people asking if there were any problems with the internet, so...:
(It reads internet is broken)

What does it say on the window?

# ¿ Feb 3, 2014 18:27

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

MG42 posted:

It's in Dutch :V

"Dt wknd stappe ga j ng mee?"

Every room here has texting language like that on the glass.

nee tog

# ¿ Feb 4, 2014 15:53

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

It's because they use a completely different alphabet there and the phonemes don't match up.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2014 16:21

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Galler posted:

If I saw a small room with 'quiet room' on a sign next to it I would probably assume it's for muslim (or any other faith that has to pray a bunch) employees to pray in. Which would be a good idea because there were a bunch of times where I walked into conference room C and flipped on the lights only to find Wasik (sorry buddy) in there praying. Or possibly a place for private conversations for people that don't have offices. It being for nursing women would probably be about the last thing I would think it was for.

Regardless I wouldn't go in there and take a loving nap.

From a couple of pages back but where I work there's lactation rooms, rest/quiet rooms AND (non denominational) prayer rooms.

Granted it's a building where 5000 people work so there's a spare room here and there.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2014 11:03

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

blackswordca posted:

Nope... I have to pay for the tests, and I lose the pay for time missed writing the exams.

wow

# ¿ Mar 14, 2014 18:59

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

guppy posted:

That is the result of loving CSI and similar shows. People believe you have some kind of magical "enhance" filter you can apply.

Should have told them this.

# ¿ Mar 15, 2014 23:11

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Polygraphs are bullshit, they're not atvall about being able to tell when you're lying. It's about the interrogation techniques used by the person administering the test.
fMRI, I dunno I don't trust it enough yet to submit to one. Maybe in 20 years.

# ¿ Mar 17, 2014 09:01

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

DrAlexanderTobacco posted:

Do you have that down in an email trail? There's nothing wrong with replying, saying "Please see email X (Attached) to yourself asking for clarification on when to perform the updates, and email Y to my boss letting him know this was done" - Bonus points if you keep everyone in the CC bomb involved!

Yep. gently caress corporate foodchain sensitivities. If your boss throws you under the bus, quid pro quo the fucker.

# ¿ Mar 23, 2014 22:07

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

apt-get install build-essential

# ¿ Mar 24, 2014 23:07

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

sfwarlock posted:

That works too. Probably because:

code:

(snip)
The following extra packages will be installed:
  dpkg-dev g++ g++-4.8 libc-dev-bin libc6-dev libstdc++-4.8-dev
(snip)

Yeah it's a meta-package which I always use when I need to build software on a fresh system.

Saves a bunch of typing.

For Red Hat I use yum groupinstall "Development tools" but that one is more comprehensive, it includes things like bison, flex, m4 etc...

# ¿ Mar 24, 2014 23:32

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Priss In Plate posted:

A ticket came in...

Email signature is not working for a client. Go through the basic troubleshooting, ask them to check if the signature is enabled in Outlook--it is. Then he asks me to check if any other tickets came in from anyone else, as he said he has not seen any signatures attached to emails for several days.

Lo and behold, there's one other ticket in there.

From the same user.

Sent in 15 minutes ago.

So I close the ticket as a duplicate, and state that all inquires be made in the new ticket, which has the Exchange provider attached to it.

No more than 5 minutes later, I get a harshly-worded reply essentially saying "ISSUE NOT RESOLVED FIX THIS NOW!!!!!".

Can I be any more clear than "we don't support this, and you have another ticket open on this already in our system and with the vendor"?

Can you not link or merge tickets?

# ¿ Mar 27, 2014 08:52

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

It's telling you not to use opsware. :v:

# ¿ Apr 2, 2014 13:14

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

sfwarlock posted:

Many puns about a Tolkien Ring network removed here.

I lost my VPN Tolkien in the fires of Mount Doom, please replace ASAP. This is affecting production!

# ¿ Apr 4, 2014 07:46

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

On one hand I really hate that because it's like the sender does not think it's necessary to take the time to communicate with you properly, so why should you take time to read his/her message?

On the other hand, if you are one of those people who get metric fucktons of email then maybe it's nice to be able to just scan the subject lines and be done with it.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2014 15:03

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

ConfusedUs posted:

This is a major pet peeve of mine. Buy some goddamned storage already!

That and people who want to do cloud backups for large amounts of data but only have lovely DSL to use for upload.

Last week I had to speak to someone whose dataset would have, literally, taken a year to upload. Somehow this person got through every support tier all the way up to me in engineering. I had to tell them that I can't change how math works.

I cannae change the laws of physics captain!

missed chance imho

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 07:18

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

NerdsMcGee posted:

Not directly related to a ticket, but PLEASE patch your OpenSSL installs. Heartbleed is a nasty one.

http://arstechnica.com/security/2014/04/critical-crypto-bug-in-openssl-opens-two-thirds-of-the-web-to-eavesdropping/

This. Not only patch your openssl but replace the certificate (generate a new private key and csr) and have your ssl vendor revoke the old certificate.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2014 17:02

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Does Windows 3.11 work in DOSBox?

# ¿ Apr 12, 2014 11:17

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

sfwarlock posted:

Virtual machines? I mean, depends on how confused/inconvenienced the masses would be...

Yeah or dosbox even...

# ¿ Apr 14, 2014 18:26

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Welp, I don't think you'll be able to salvage that.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2014 20:54

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Entropic posted:

Yeah, I told them we can look, but it's unfortunately very unlikely we'll be able to salvage anything. I haven't cracked it open yet so I don't even know if the drive is physically intact. I really doubt it.

edit:

The Importance Of Off-Site Backups dot Jay Pee Gee

Sheeeeeeeeeit.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2014 21:32

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

AlternateAccount posted:

In the olden days of yore, I killed a few modems by plugging in the standard RJ11 jack that the digital phone system ran on. It supplied a much higher voltage, apparently, and would insta-smoke a standard dialup modem. :[

Yeah, that's ISDN for ya.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2014 20:18

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

ITIL is not "project management for IT", rather it's a framework you can use to structure your processes within your organisation. It's not a magic bullet that makes your processes run smoothly but it is something you can adapt to fit your particular organisation.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2014 20:32

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Mattavist posted:

That's a really tame one.

s/bad/black/g

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 17:04

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Entropic posted:

I'm discovering the joys of dlink firmware circa 2004. When you go to change the date and time for this router, you select the year from a drop down menu that has every possible option hardcoded. All the way from 2002 up to 2012.

Planned obsolescence

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 22:16

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

I did HUET training and sea survival as a team building excercise and it was actually really fun.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2014 15:23

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

less than three posted:

Office 2003 is End of Support as well? We just installed it on 400 desktops we replaced from Windows XP to Win7.

If true, I can't wait until I hear the inevitable "Well they only said Windows XP was end of support. "

Haha what? I'm sorry but that's really dumb. Yes office 2k3 is also EOL.

You really didn't bother to check? :drat:

# ¿ Apr 26, 2014 10:05

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

less than three posted:

I'm the networking guy, just watching the WinXP-Win7 conversion from the sidelines. Will be fun to bring up on Monday, though!

Drop this link into the appropriate mailbox and watch things explode: http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/help/support-has-ended-for-office-2003-HA103306332.aspx :haw:

# ¿ Apr 26, 2014 10:40

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

I've used Kayako Resolve (I think they renamed it to Case) in the past and it was a pleasant experience from the user standpoint. I haven't had to administer it though.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2014 11:55

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

DisMafugga posted:

An example of the quality emails we receive on a daily basis. You have to wonder how these people have managed to survive as long as the have. Luckily she's only responsible for teaching children and not something important.

I hope she doesn't teach English.

# ¿ May 6, 2014 07:43

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

blackswordca posted:

so... one of the owners asked me to stay after for a couple of minutes so he could do my wage review, he had one guy he was talking to and wanted to get me done as I was the last. The couple of minutes turned into much longer. So I hung around the office till he finished with the first guy, and he snuck out the back door without a word.

Im going home and having some scotch

I sure hope you talk to him in the morning and tell him this is inexcusable behavior, that he cannot treat his employees this way.

# ¿ May 7, 2014 14:51

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Renegret posted:

Hate to tell you this, but I've had this happen to me when I worked at one.

The worst thing you can possibly think of...has a precedent. Yup.

I used to work at a store that among lots of other things sold appliance parts like washing machines and vacuum cleaners and the like.

This guy calls up and says he needs a drive belt for his washing machine, so I ask him what the make and model is. His reply:

"I dunno, it's a white one"

:psyboom:

Another one was where a guy needed bags for his vacuum cleaner so I ask the same question and his response:

"Aren't you supposed to know that?"

# ¿ May 7, 2014 18:26

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Re: space heaters. I have some scars on my arm from burns I got fighting an electrical fire caused by space heaters. (And accountants too dumb to draw breath that actually physically held down the breaker, causing a fire in a junction box in the ceiling. )

Btw I didn't fight the fire because I was in IT at the time, it was more that there were 8 people around staring at the fire in the loving ceiling doing gently caress all. I decided to act.

The scars aren't that bad really, three tic tac sized spots on my arm and hand, but god drat people are dumb.

# ¿ May 13, 2014 13:06

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 13:10

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

Caged posted:

That…shouldn't be possible. Breakers trip internally regardless of what you do to the toggle on the front.

I suppose it's possible you had some old-rear end wiring or the breaker was just hosed.

Well they went like this:

*pop* (breaker pops)
*click* (accountant woman resets breaker)

*pop*
*click*
*pop*
*click*
*pop*
*click*
*pop*
*click*
*pop*
*click*
*pop*
*click*
*pop*
*click*
..... Hey it stays on now. :downs:

It probably got fused or smth by doing that.

10 minutes later ... "what 's that smell? :downs:

"

(it was smouldering plastic)

spankmeister fucked around with this message at 17:10 on May 13, 2014

# ¿ May 13, 2014 17:07

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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