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CommissarMega posted:Give her an F She really likes As, though... Here's an interesting "essay" from the remedial 11th grade class. I have bolded my favorite part and cleaned up some punctuation, but other than that, I have not changed anything: Today, I with my girlfriend Fay to go to Hainai. We took my all money (just $100,000) to travel. I tell her don't bring any money, because I am rich! but she says "Don't gently caress with me, I don't love your money!" and then I'm no words. When we arrived Hainan, we want to go to hotel and take a room, and then we go to hotel room, and taking a room. I'm very happy, and then, we go into the room, and giving a hug to my girlfriend, say "I will protect you, I love you!" She has a little shy, and then she kiss me.......... When we back to [hometown], we are getting marry, and she is so happies. This story will happen in "not long future"........... I just thought that was so cute. :3 I swear, this is a HUGE improvement from the beginning of the year when "[classmate] is gay" and "I like ride motorbike" were pretty much the only things anyone could say.
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Jun 22, 2016 03:33
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Some highlights from Rihanna's final exam: "When it comes to me, I personally tend to believe that USA is the best place for me. Firstly, goddess Bringmyfishback comes from America. She has amazing boobs. I love beautiful girls with big boobs. Probably I don't have them. I'm pretty sure that I will enjoy these superb boobs. In USA, I can enjoy them all day. The most important thing is that the development of USA which is attract me most. I want to learn more knowledge. And I want to China become one of the most powerful country." From her essay about what she would do on a dream date, after a longish passage about traditional Chinese cultural sites in our city: "...[city]'s restrooms have a natural culture." (Note: I asked. yes, this was a bacteria joke.) "There are many holes and you can pee in them. He will feel comfortable and fall in love with [city] restrooms (And married me.) She concluded her essay by drawing two turds and writing "take some!" underneath.
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Jun 22, 2016 10:57
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pookel posted:Is it, like, a cultural thing in China for girls to ogle each other's boobs and talk about how much they love big boobs? Or does Rihanna just have a weird boob fixation? I think it's mostly the latter. I do have probably the biggest pair in China. Drunk Asian women my age tend to come over and just snuggle up to them. Judge Schnoopy posted:Gotta admit this is a pretty loving advanced pun for learning English as a second language. Well done, teacher. No, that's all her.  I wish I could buy her a forums account; she would write the most amazing posts you've ever seen. And probably end up in FYAD. Nekodoshi posted:My niece has grown into a real trip of a 4-year-old. She's learned sass. Today she slunk away from her parents in a parking lot to sneak into my car so I would take her home. She closed the door, and when her dad went to get her, she rolled down the window, looked him right in the eye and clicked her seat belt. "Too bad, so sad, I'm already in here." This is awesome.
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Jun 23, 2016 03:11
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BoredByThis posted:My little (almost 3year old) guy said the most :3 thing ever last night. Your kid is a smoothie! 
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Jun 24, 2016 04:08
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Pththya-lyi posted:I understand it's fairly common for very young children to believe that you can change gender just by cutting or growing out your hair: men have short hair and women have long hair, so anyone who has short hair must be a man and anyone with long hair must be a woman. Also, cats are girls and dogs are boys. I knew at least five kids who thought that way, myself included.
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Jul 16, 2016 06:22
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Practicing idioms: STUDENT 1: "Why are you so blue?" STUDENT 2: *going off-script*  "BECAUSE I'M AVATAR!" Also, out of NOWHERE, one of my kids just ran up to me and shouted, "FLETA! I WANNA TOUCH YOUR BOOB!" and ran away. She's fifteen. My boss was right there. Also, why only one? e: This doesn't exactly go here, but it's amusing nonetheless. Our office overlooks the kindergarten and they have super-loud speakers. Usually, they play a horrible selection of whining, repetitive kids' songs, but today they are playing a wonderful Halloween playlist that consists of a Marilyn Manson cover of This Is Halloween, the Phantom of the Opera, various clips from the Luigi's Mansion soundtrack...and Superfreak. Lots and lots of Superfreak. I have heard Superfreak at least seven times today. I don't know if it's less appropriate for school or for Halloween, but I am considering going over and socking all of the teachers right in the clam for making such a lovely playlist. Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 08:37 on Oct 31, 2016 |
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Oct 31, 2016 08:33
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whiteyfats posted:Have you considered the fact that Superfreak is cool and good? I agree. I don't want to hear it- or any other song- more than maybe twice in a single day. And I don't think it's Halloween music. And I'm not sure the subject matter is entirely appropriate for kindergarten. But you do you.
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Nov 4, 2016 15:25
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MisterBibs posted:A crosspost from RGD, a goon-run podcast that runs on this principle: I NEED THIS! Things I learned from an English interpretation contest I judged yesterday. The students had to listen to a very short explanation of the differences between Chinese and "Western" eating etiquette. Verbatim except for the first sentence: In China, people talk to each other during dinner, but in Western countries you can't talk during meals. Paraphrased for clarity. Chinese people often use their chopsticks to put food in other peoples' bowels. bowls, I assume Western people eat on their own planets. plates? Chinese people eat together in plants. ...plates? Western people can't use chopsticks. I took off points for that.  JUST KIDDING I assumed she meant "don't."Chinese people use chopsticks to put food on the plant, but Chinese people use chopsticks to put food into the air. No goddam idea. Chinese people put plates on the table. This is a big difference between Chinese and Western culture. I guess we put our plates in the air next to the floating bits of food left by our Chinese friends? Thankfully, none of my kids made these mistakes. They just gave up 
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Dec 12, 2016 06:15
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sharktamer posted:pssst your posts always come across more racist than cute Sorry you feel that way! Put me on your ignore list. I'll do the same. e: Thank you to all the people being nice! Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 02:01 on Dec 13, 2016 |
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Dec 13, 2016 01:14
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My Lovely Horse posted:Kid-friendly Chuck Tingle books. Pounded in the Bum by my TOEFL-Related Existential Dread (we say "bum" around here)
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Dec 13, 2016 10:21
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I wanted to share this (horribly racist?) unretouched piece from last year by everyone's favorite tits aficionado, Rihanna. Again, I haven't changed a thing: If I have 1 million RMB to spend, I will buy everything I want. I知 so happy to be the owner! First of all, I will go to the shopping mall to buy perfume for my mother and a business suit for my father. Just because I知 a sweet daughter and I知 nice. <3 Then I will go to the department store and buy a toy spider for my favorite teacher, Miss Fleta. I believe that she will fall in love with the cute spider. Just because I知 nice as I said. Thirdly, I will go to the discount store to buy nothing! I just want to show my money to the salesman. Just because I知 rich! Everybody can suck it! (Yeah, come on~) Finally, I will put the rest of my money into the bank. After I die, my children and grandchildren can use it and do nothing! (<--- it痴 bad) All in all, if you can dream it, you can do it! And we must work hard to make money that depends on ourselves. I like to think she got to the end and was like, "oh, right, every story should have a moral or something."
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Dec 16, 2016 12:29
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Little kids are the funniest. I met a nice Chinese lady on the train with her kids two days in a row and we chatted a bit and I noticed her youngest was acting shy and she said, "he thinks it's weird that you speak Chinese." Hahaha! That happened to my husband in rural Japan a few times.
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Dec 16, 2016 14:30
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I asked students to answer a few questions and write a response to this video. I got a few winners: "I think they are a couple, but she has small boobs." "I think this girl is so beautiful. I wish I had a girlfriend. But I am single dog." ME: "Does anyone know what a sitcom is?" STUDENT: "It's when there's an emcee and some celebrity sits down with them and they talk." ME: "Good guess, but that's actually called a talk show." [I explain what "sitcom" means and have them give me a few examples, then:] STUDENT: "Oh! I thought it was a sitcom because they're sitting down when they talk." And they learned the phrase "make love" somewhere and decided to use it on me. "What do you like to do on vacation?" "MAKE LOVE!!!!!!!" "What do you not like to do on vacation?" "MAKE LO-- wait! WAIT!" ME: "What should I bring on my vacation to Spain?" STUDENT: "Girlfriend." ME: "Okay, but what do I tell my husband?" OTHER STUDENT: "Be cool." ME: "Can you explain?" OTHER STUDENT: *gives me a dead-eyed stare, then jerks his head up arrogantly* "Do like that. Be cool. Say, 'I don't know what you're talking about!' Then just go and live your life with your girlfriend."
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Dec 22, 2016 10:54
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flosofl posted:That's... actually pretty clever. I thought so, too!- and thankfully, she wasn't embarrassed. Nothing worse than a kid working things out independently, getting the wrong answers, and then getting all sullen and shy because they made a "mistake." pookel posted:I'm pretty sure I had a similar idea about sitcoms when I was a kid. Only I thought they were called sitcoms because they were comedies about people sitting around, not doing anything important. Interaction I had waiting to cross the street this morning: RANDOM KID: "Hello! What's your name?" ME: "Hello, my name is Fleta! What's your name?" KID: "Okay." His tone was witheringly dismissive, like, "Yeah, I'm done talking to your rear end right now." It made me laugh. E: Thanks, sweeperbravo! I love them, too, and I think they're geniuses. We have a lot of kids who are great at English and want to go overseas based on that, but we also have a number of kids who are: 1. Genuinely unable to reach a high enough academic standard to take the Chinese college entrance exam, and hope to go overseas for their education. These kids don't usually stay with us for the full three years of the program because- surprise!- English is a HARD language to learn, and foreign universities DO have standards. Many of them are pushed into it by their families, who believe that Western schools just accept any old person. They usually refuse to recognize that TOEFL/IELTS scores actually mean nothing. If the family is recalcitrant like this, they'll push their kid into different English programs for years until some poo poo university accepts them for massive tuition fees and keeps them in some English bridging program for years and years, squeezing as much cash as they can out of them. 2. Kids who are actually good at English, but don't really want to be in the program, and are being forced into it by their families so they can make business connections overseas. These kids don't usually try. ...and when you mix these types in with the kids who do want to go overseas for their own reasons and who speak English well, it creates a lot of hilarity as well as frustration. One thing I love about my students, though, is that they really do try to help each other out. If my freshmen don't understand me, they'll discuss what I said together and usually work it out between themselves. Welp, I just wrote a bunch of thing that is probably not interesting. MY POINT IS that some people consider our students to be dumb for entering this program, and I think they're pretty goddamn smart. Posting stuff they do that's funny or cute in here helps me stay sane in the face of their parents telling me "[Student] is stupid and we've given up on him." Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 03:18 on Dec 23, 2016 |
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Dec 23, 2016 02:22
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AMBER: "Fleta, Fletaaaaa, I didn't do my homework because I wasn't here and maybe I don't know how to do it and I missed class and I'll try but I CAN'T DO IT." ME: "Okay, why don't you come see me later and we'll talk about it? You can give it to me on Wednesday if you need more time." AMBER: "What is the homework?" (I tell her) AMBER: "....oh. Never mind, I'm finished." *facepalm* Not really related, but one of her classmates handed in a college application essay that directly copied text from the college's website. Normally, I'd fail her for that, but since it was her entire midterm grade in that class, I let her pass with a 65. *triple facepalm* Luckily, she found it as funny as I did and 'fessed up immediately. Also, I thought I'd share the following thread from a Korean ELT site with you all: The hilarious things students say to you... There are some brilliant quotes in here.
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Dec 26, 2016 06:43
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Let us English posted:When I told my elementary school students in Korea I was moving to China they all pulled on their eyes and yelled "ching-chong ching-chong." Then their homeroom teacher joined in. I was very confused. I am Mrs. us English and can confirm. My coworker did the same (the kids, being smarter than her, did not do this.) Barnes And Body Works posted:Also god your stories are always the best, THANK you for posting them and please keep doing so! Thank you! I don't know if this really counts as something kids say, but this is what the tenth graders were hiding in their classroom on a bookshelf:  Initially, I couldn't even pretend to be angry because I was so confused. In the CLASSROOM. On a BOOKSHELF. Boy, are they in trouble now, though. And one of the seniors was wearing this shirt:  He won't tell me where to buy it! I want iiiitttt.
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Dec 28, 2016 02:59
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Tiny Brontosaurus posted:That's a Kanye lyric if that helps you at all. I want it too < Oh! Thank you. I am supremely uncool and only aware of Kanye from putting "Liz Lemon" in front of his tweets and pretending he's Tracy Jordan.
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Dec 28, 2016 03:19
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I showed Elf to the tenth graders today (last class period before a long weekend.) I love showing this movie to Chinese kids because it's interesting to see the parts they find funny. Most of the Christmas stuff goes over their heads, because they don't really have a cultural touchstone for it, but they love it when Buddy puts candy on his spaghetti and eats it with his hands. One of the shyer students didn't seem to think it was too funny. When I passed his desk, he whispered, "Fleta, is it okay to laugh at the natural man?" (Natural man= whatever the PC term for "mentally challenged" is these days.) Anyways, I paused the movie and asked them if China and the USA have the same culture. They said no. Then I asked where Buddy was from ("North................north?") and if he had the same culture as the people in New York if he was from another country. They had a bit of an "Aha!" moment. Or they wanted me to shut up, either one. Also, one of the seniors has coined the word "drugster" for a person who takes drugs. On a recent essay, she wrote, "Some people like to hit the pipe, like drugsters." I need to ask her where she heard "hit the pipe." Drugster makes sense, if you think about it. Gangster= person in a gang, so drugster= person who takes drugs. I'll teach her the real term, of course, but I appreciate her logic.
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Dec 30, 2016 04:50
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Rihanna must be proud of her latest essay, because she just sent it to me over WeChat. I have no idea what class this is for, but I would give her an A (cup) regardless: "For instance, there were countless thylacines that lived in [OTHER TEACHER SHE HAS A CRUSH ON]-[RIHANNA] in Azores originally, however, after humans use those large areas to build houses, the available land which is suitable for thylacines to survive becomes less. Consequently, the number of sheep is becoming stronger because limited thylacines come to catch them, which means there are no more potential predators like before to capture them. To make matters worse, some sheep have to enter humans' houses to have meals since their populations are too enormous to survive in this small room. So we often heard that in Azores, there was a sheep popped its head in and looked around the house inquisitively, trying to find food when people are having sex with their partner and even benefits. This situation is really awkward because if the sheep wants to join them, then people will get in a big trouble. Probably, people will lose their virginities.So providing enough land for those animals will largely kill such terrible cases like this." As an osteoarchaeologist, I have tutored undergraduates with a less cohesive and FAR less titillating understanding of sedentism. also I am dying e: I asked her; this was for her TOEFL Writing class. She's miffed because the teacher told her not to write about sex on the TOEFL. ee: she just sent me an mp3 of "Bitch Better Have My Money." Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 16:07 on Jan 4, 2017 |
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Jan 4, 2017 14:47
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"Avian influenza has a puissant infectivity." true enough! "Family looks just like estuary of softly fragrant." That was the single sentence in this student's essay not copied from Wikipedia.
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Jan 5, 2017 07:31
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Tomorrow is the last day of school and finals were last week (Asia!) so we're basically spinning our wheels with just-for-fun activities. I decided to play Exquisite Corpse with the tenth graders. This was the funniest (and most coherent) story. Please note that Bluse/Bluce (he has not standardized the spelling), Jessica, and Eason are the three students who wrote it. One night, Bluse went to his girlfriend's home. One night, Jessica went to her boyfriend's home. Yesterday, Eason is dead. Today, Bluce is turned woman. and Fleta is a beautiful girl and she is sixty years old. (Note: )My girlfriend is also 60 years old. She is a sexy grandmother! So Bluce is very love her. Grandmother very like Bluse. So they get married. They live so happily! Day by day, they live better! Everyone was very healthy! They ate vegetables every day. and they have ten kids and they have one thousand kids and grandmother is dead Bluce is very sad because his son Eason is dead and his daughter Jessica is dead end
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Jan 5, 2017 10:27
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Rihanna was in the office this morning, talking to one of the Chinese teachers, when she suddenly screamed "STOP STARING AT MY BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!" Neither of them will give me the context. I asked her if people say that to her often and she just said, "I like it!" Okay. Sorry for posting so much; it's the last day of class, so I probably won't have any more stories until February.
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Jan 6, 2017 05:14
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Last one, I promise. We had a parents' meeting today. Guess who was my translator? If you guessed "Rihanna," you win! Since the parents didn't really want to talk to me, or the other foreign teacher, we just sat and chatted. 1. Rihanna has a secret power. If she stares at your boobs, they will get bigger! She offered to try it on her male classmates, all of whom responded, "I don't want that." There were also no takers among the office ladies. I asked her why she doesn't do it for herself, and she said it doesn't work like that. I suggested she stand in front of a mirror. 2. Rihanna does a good impression of our (female) principal. I asked her to say something and, in the principal's voice, she said, "i am a man! I can show you my penis." She whispered the last word. 3. RIHANNA: "Do you know the c-word?" ME: "Uh, yeah. Do YOU know the c-word?" RIHANNA: "Yes." ME: "Okay, so what does it mean?" RIHANNA: *looking away* "Something you can enjoy." ME: "More specifically." RIHANNA: "It's nice." ME: "....?" RIHANNA: "[Classmate] likes it." ME: "..." RIHANNA: "She eats it all the time. I don't like it!" ME: "......................Oh, seaweed."  Right about then, a parent walked over with a question. When he left, Rihanna whispered, "Super awkward." And, not related, but one of the worst boys in that class told me he really likes Bojack Horseman. I am proud. Okay, that's it! Vacation time! :yay:
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Jan 6, 2017 09:47
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Do you speak Chinese at all, or are you solely at the mercy of a hilarious child for translation purposes? The latter. Usually, the seniors do the translations for us, but they left school early. If you are gonna ask why the students are doing the translating, I'd guess the answer is "chabudwo." Good practice for them, though, and Rihanna has better English than a few of my coworkers. To her credit, she seems to have done a good job. Parents were actually happy with me instead of telling me I must force their child to do homework or asking me why they failed classes I don't teach.
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Jan 10, 2017 20:33
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RIHANNA: "Hey, Fleta! I got a boyfriend from another nation." ME: "Really?" RIHANNA: "Yeah, my imagiNATION!!!!!" *runs away* fake edit: It's a meme or something, she sent me a picture after she said it in person. Still.
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Feb 14, 2017 03:49
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I think the seniors are ready to graduate: YESTERDAY: ME: "Has anyone heard from Tom (classmate in the hospital)? Is he okay?" EVAN: "His rear end hurts." AMBER: "They put something in his rear end in a top hat." EVAN: "Yeah, uh..." *mimes a long tube* ME: "Oh, with a camera?" AMBER: "Yeah!" So I taught them the word "colonoscopy". TODAY: ME: "Any news about Tom?" EVAN: "His rear end still hurts." JIM: "No! He said it feels so good." ME: "Really?" JIM: "Yeah, he liked it so much. Now he's gay. Because he loves this feeling." ME: "That's not how you make someone gay. You can't MAKE someone gay." JIM: "But Tom is stupid, so different rules." I ended the conversation there.
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Feb 24, 2017 04:03
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Fun with freshmen: LEO: Hey, Fleta, look! (His friend McCree is hugging him from behind.) This is gay. ME: Well, enjoy it. LEO: But I'm not gay! MCCREE: Come on, baby! Let's go together. *Leo punches McCree* ME: Where do you like to sleep? EASON: Toilet! JESSICA: I like to sleep on the subway. ME: Why? JESSICA: Quiet. More quiet than my house! LUCKY: Me, too. It's very comfortable. JESSICA: Let's go there now. LUCKY: Okay. ME: David, is your dictionary broken? (Note: they all have electronic dictionaries.) DAVID: No, it has no electricity. LUCKY: Here you go *holds out two AAA batteries to David* DAVID: Wow! Oh, my god! I LOVE YOU!!! *starts to put the batteries in his dictionary* LUCKY: *with a very big grin* They are not working! DAVID: WHAT THE HELL!? I HATE YOU!!!!!!!! *bangs his face into the desk* Fun with sophomores: Today Rihanna wrote the word "mud pee" on a piece of paper and said, "Hey, look at this!" Then I stupidly read it aloud...turns out it's a swear word in Chinese. She had a good cackle over that. (after being told the difference between "-philic" and "-phobic") RIHANNA: I'M AN ADELE-PHILIC!!!!! TOM: Fleta, remember George? ME: Yeah. TOM: He went to Australia. ME: Cool. How's he doing? TOM: I don't know, but he can play Pokemon Go. (Everyone sighs with longing and suppressed rage.)
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Feb 28, 2017 06:25
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Second period of biology. Time to talk about meiosis! Ohhhh god. I showed them a picture of a sperm penetrating an egg. ME: *pointing* The sperm-- RIHANNA: What's it called? ME: Sperm. RIHANNA: S-P-E-R-M? ME: That's right. RIHANNA: Oh, I know it. *everybody laughs* RIHANNA: NO! NO I DON'T KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!! *everybody laughs* ME: Okay, so-- RIHANNA: I just saw it before. ME: Okay, great. So-- RIHANNA: IN A CUP!!!! I cracked up. RIHANNA: IN YOUR COFFEE CUP! ME: Please don't ever give me coffee. ME: In sexual reproduction, how many organisms do we need? KYLE: Two. FRANK: Three. TOM: Five!!! ME: You watch too much TV. JAYDEN: No, he watches too much AV. *everybody dies* RIHANNA: I don't need AV because I have a good imagination. ME: Yes, you do. RIHANNA: I'm imagining you naked right now. ME: Please imagine me thinner. RIHANNA: No! Jeez, help a sister out. e: I forgot to add, apparently the pictures I used for telophase looked like a butt. Telophase is now "buttphase." More than one of them assured me that they don't mean butterface, because THAT is apparently one of the only terms they all remember from my class last year. e e: Also Rihanna was singing "Sex With Me" by, well, Rihanna. By singing, I mean she was just saying the lyrics like they were perfectly normal things to say to your Biology teacher. e e e: Also remembered: Tom sang a song, the lyrics of which were, "I don't watch AV, I am pure." I was trying to teach about ATP and showed them what it stood for (adenine triphosphate.) Upon seeing the word, Rihanna said, "What the gently caress is that?" Literally the next slide said, "WTF is that?" I congratulated her on her psychic abilities and she put her jacket over her head and moaned weirdly. Like a psychic does? Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 09:51 on Feb 28, 2017 |
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Feb 28, 2017 08:02
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trickybiscuits posted:Here's a few things I found online. All of these made me smile. I feel bad for the kid who can't find pink toys, though. Facebook reminded me that this happened a year ago: Yes, that's a pillow with my face on it. And Rihanna behind the pillow. And I'm not the only teacher she pillow-fied that day. (Edit: My hair doesn't usually look that bad. That picture was taken right after I had crossed the HK/Shenzhen border on foot during one of the most humid days of my life, got lost, got into a fight with two beggars, and jumped over a bush and rolled down a hill. Don't ask.)
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Mar 2, 2017 05:05
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ME: "Why are there never any markers in your classroom?" AMBER: "Because we're poor." JIM: "Because you're a porn."  I'm sorry for posting so much. They've been very quotable this week. e: okay okay but seriously: AMBER: "Fleta, I'm not gonna be here tomorrow. I have to get a little surgery." ME: "Is everything okay?" AMBER: "Maybe I'm gonna get a....fake dick." ME: "...." AMBER: "I can show you." ME: "Okay." AMBER: "Maybe I can make my girlfriend feel high." ME: "I hope so." Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 08:47 on Mar 2, 2017 |
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Mar 2, 2017 08:24
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CommissarMega posted:You don't look like Tina Fey, I feel cheated There is a slight resemblance, but no, not really. We are both half-Greeks who took a long time to grow into our looks (well, relatively speaking on my case). ME: "Rihanna, it's time to do your homework." RIHANNA: "Ooooh, who is homework? I will DO THEM!" RIHANNA: "I have a flexible finger." *wink* RIHANNA: 'Frank is lying!" FRANK: "What? No, I'm not." RIHANNA: "Yes! Frank is not frank!" FRANK:  "Frank" doesn't quite mean "honest," but I'll let her have it because she was so proud of herself.
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Mar 2, 2017 12:29
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Madra De Dhia posted:my 3 year old lost the run of himself because I let him wear dinosaur pajamas after creche and now he thinks he owns the place. I asked him to draw dinosaurs instead of roaring at me and the dog (sorry for the snapchat caption) I'm literally dying right now. I love the stern expression on his face. You got punished but good. ladron posted:how old are you kids anyhow? From what you say, I was picturing like high school junior/seniors, like maybe 17, 18, but either that is a giant giant pillow or Rhianna is like 140cm or I guess maybe both? No, you're right. The pillow is...I dunno, not particularly big. I'm 163 cm and Rihanna's shorter than I am, but I'm not sure by how much. Frank, on the other hand, is two meters tall. Luckily he is also very sweet or I might find him intimidating. I also try to transcribe their speech patterns and, since a lot of them are pretty low-level speakers, it might sound a bit more childlike. Bud K ninja sword posted:Don't ask. Short version, because the real version involves a reenactment: Boss asked me to let his friend escort me across the border on my way in and out. I (rightly) guessed this was for guangxi/money purposes, so I allowed myself to be herded, despite the fact that I had lived in HK before and didn't want or need any help. Guy was annoying in a very eager, sweaty way, so when he didn't show up to the meeting to go back to Shenzhen, I said "oh no i can't get ahold of that guy oh gee oh gosh" and just went ahead. It was extremely hot and insanely humid. Like water dripping off the walls humid. There were approximately sixty kajillion people also crossing the border and it took forever. When I finally got to the main Shenzhen station for the border crossing (forgot the name), I needed a minute to collect myself because I was so hot and cranky. Stepped outside to get some air and was immediately set upon by two women begging. I couldn't get away my them and after a few minutes, they each grabbed one of my hands and started shouting at me. Luckily, one of them was also carrying a baby, so I muscled myself away easily and started running as best I could with my little carryon suitcase. Threw my suitcase over a bush and jumped after it, figuring at least the one with the baby wouldn't follow. I didn't realize there was a slope, so i slipped when I landed and ended up rolling/sliding down into the parking lot below (for like two seconds), where a young woman looked at me with a totally neutral expression on her face and said, "Airport taxi one hundred and fifty yuan." Bargain at that point, and I took it. I took the picture after I had checked in and had a few drinks. Then Rihanna asked for a picture of me and I sent it to her as a deterrent, never realizing what her ultimate plan was.
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Mar 3, 2017 01:19
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The sophomores (well, I guess they're technically juniors, but because they're in their second year of high school I always think of them as sophomores) have one period designated as a Biology and Technology class. This week, I chose Soylent as our topic. We watched a short documentary about Soylent (they had a worksheet to partially complete; the other half was analytical and designated as homework) and then I asked them a few comprehension check questions. They passed, so I asked, "Do you want to drink Soylent?" "NO!" I've never seen them so unified. And then I took the pitcher of Soylent from under the desk. EVERYONE:  Rihanna was, bless her, the first to volunteer. About half the kids liked it; everyone else was neutral. Three girls spit it out dramatically, but the reviews were mostly good. Some of the frattier boys asked to use their phones so they could order some off Taobao; they wanted to try the "coffee" variant. Then, as is their wont, they asked me what other teachers had tried it. I had to admit that no one else was willing. RIHANNA: "Does it come in other flavors?" ME: "I think so." RIHANNA: "Does it have fart flavor?" ME: "I doubt it." RIHANNA: "Yeah, well, I'm gonna give fart flavor Soylent to [Principal]."
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Mar 3, 2017 09:16
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I can't take the picture off the post because I attached it and you don't have PMs. What happened?! e: Oh, someone called me a racist. Eh. I don't care. If saying that I was insulted by that is a "meltdown," I guess there are very low standards for meltdowns. Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 05:53 on Mar 4, 2017 |
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Mar 4, 2017 05:48
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Facebook "memory" from two years ago, when I was still teaching elementary school: Things you never thought you'd say (until you became a teacher): "If I find any more cheese in this room, I'm going to make you all smell it."(Followed by "YES TEACHER PLEASE GOOD SMELL!") "Stop touching his butt. I know he's your friend, but right now you need to touch your book, not his butt." "Why is he crying? Oh, his mom's late? Awww...it's okay, buddy, let's go draw on the windows." (I had special window markers.) "No, no, it's B-R-O-W-N, not B-R-A-U-N. Right. 'My poop is brown.' Perfect writing!" "If you call me 'Mr. Fleta' one more time, you have to eat your pencil." THOMAS: "Fleta-teacher, I made you a picture!" ME: "Wow, I love it!" THOMAS: "Do you know what it is?" ME: "Um...well...it looks like a dragon eating a train." THOMAS: "Yes!" ME: "Well, this is the best picture I've ever seen of a dragon eating a train." THOMAS: "I know."
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Mar 6, 2017 09:36
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Leo and McCrea are wearing the same cream-colored jackets today (as long as the kids are wearing one piece of their uniform, we don't bust them; in the 'regular' part of the school they'd get in trouble) and were walking around with their arms around each other. Of course, it's hard to walk and hug at the same time, so they were staggering and lurching all over the hallway. MOMO: Haha, Fleta, look. McCree and Leo are a couple. LEO: No, we're not! MOMO: Same clothes. Couple. LEO: Fleta, I'm not gay! I just want him to go to the bathroom with me. ME: That's kind of weird. LEO: IT'S NOT WEIRD! MCCREE: ...a little weird.
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Mar 10, 2017 03:59
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sweeperbravo posted:1st grade, talking about the differences between spending money on needs vs wants. Kid 4 rules.
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Mar 10, 2017 04:01
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Rihanna's class making fun of their TOEFL listening assignment: RIHANNA: *imitating the CD* "Excuse me, professor, I lost my ID card." *deep voice* "Oh, I don't care, you stupid girl, go away." TOM: "Professor, I lost my everything." *wink* "Can you help meeeee?" ME: "How many people are here today?" EVERYONE: *vague mutterings of "eight"* TOM: "No, seven!" ME: "I think it's eight." TOM: "NO! It's seven! Look!" *counting* "...five, six, seven..." *freezes* ME: "You forgot to count yourself, didn't you?" TOM: "Uh...maybe." RIHANNA: "I can fart like a car." e: TOM: "Oh, god." ME: "What's wrong?" TOM: "Maybe I'm gonna have detention." FRANK: "Cool" 
Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 05:13 on Mar 10, 2017 |
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Mar 10, 2017 04:57
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Rihanna's impression of Trump: "MAKE BOOBS BIG AGAIN" with the matching face. And her new rendition of "Sex With Me": "Seeeeexxxx with meeeeee....oh, it's so terrible, so terrible..." and miscellaneous Rihanna goodness: "Fleta, can I practice my recitation outside?" Why? "Because when I see you, I can't stop staring. Because you're amaaaaaaazzzzzinnggggg. Just the way you aaaaaaaare." RIHANNA: *whispers* "I'm flat." ME: "What did you say?" RIHANNA: .... ME: "Did you say 'I'm flat'?" RIHANNA: "Yes." ME: "Okay." RIHANNA: "NO ONE IS FLATTER THAN ME!" ME: "I'm not going back to America." JAYDEN: "Why? Oh, Trump." ME: "Yeah, I hate him." TOM: "I read an American news report that says he is a baby." ME: "Yeah, definitely. But his daughter's hot." LITERALLY EVERYONE: "Yeah!" Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 07:59 on Mar 10, 2017 |
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Mar 10, 2017 07:39
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AND THE HITS KEEP ON COMING TOM: "Fleta, how can I make my cat take a shower?" ME: "I don't think you can MAKE a cat do anything, but my cat liked to sit in the shower with me." TOM: "But what if the cat gets dirty?" ME: "It will clean itself." TOM: "But what if it's really, really dirty? I think it will hurt me if I make it have a shower." ME: "You could use a wet towel and wipe the cat." TOM: "Okay, write that down for me so I can check the words." *I do so* TOM: "What about cutting its [claws]? I think it will kill me." So apparently Tom is getting a cat today. He was really worried about keeping it clean. e: RIHANNA: "What are we going to do when you leave?" ME: "You can put a wig on [Grand Fromage] and pretend." RIHANNA: "But he has no boobs. I will say to him, 'Oh, Fleta, what happened? Your boobs exploded!'" Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 08:50 on Mar 10, 2017 |
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Mar 10, 2017 07:55
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