Creating Terrible Movies in the Name of Jesus: Christian Movie Megathread

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Creating Terrible Movies in the Name of Jesus: Christian Movie Megathread

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Watch the trailer for that movie Christmas With a Capital C and try not to laugh within 30 seconds.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2013 04:55

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:22

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Pththya-lyi posted:

E: Also, who gets their pornography from magazines anymore?

The people who make these movies.

# ¿ Dec 19, 2013 01:50

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Alan Smithee posted:

The whole thing reminds me of An American Carol (didn't see it), which was basically a Michael Moore strawman being haunted by positive strawmen for the right (is there a word for that? Puppet?)

Seemingly every one of these religious movies or right-wing pandering movies has a liberal strawman. Because their ideologies fail on a basic level without one.

There are two or three of these movies where atheists ruin everything for the Good Christian Soldiers (TM)

# ¿ Mar 29, 2014 04:56

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

I haven't seen this mentioned in the thread before, but there's some kind of football nonfiction movie coming out in the fall that screams that it's targeting the Christian audience. There was a trailer before my showing of X-Men for some bizarre reason, and it has the production value of a TV movie and a pretty C list cast. Jim Caviezel is playing the HS football coach. Overall I think this may be the most cliched sports movie in existence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_the_Game_Stands_Tall

# ¿ May 31, 2014 05:29

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Gonna be funny how many people troll them with that unfortunate title.

I'm also a little afraid to guess what that description means by 'free-spirited woman', knowing these films....

# ¿ Aug 1, 2014 23:37

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Probably more money in religious music in general right now than mainstream rock, sadly

# ¿ Aug 5, 2014 16:34

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

I've heard of product placement but this is an entirely new level

Christian Mingle: The Movie

Steven Jobolowsky is one of the stars

Sounds like the potential for a glorious trainwreck.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2014 17:18

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Malaleb posted:

The Gospel Coalition (a very conservative Christian website) had an article the other day about why Christian movies mostly suck. http://thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-problem-with-christian-films.

The writer has two main points. One is that the films are inherently dishonest because they are usually little more than thinly veiled attempts to convert (which they are terrible at). His other point is that they don't challenge Christian viewers, because all they do is indulge them in the sort of unrealistic fantasies they already hold. I also like his idea for a God's Not Dead-style movie in which a Christian college student has to come to terms with meeting atheists who are smarter and more ethical than he is.

Nothing too different than what has already been discussed here, but surprising coming from such a conservative publication.

Of course, I also got an advertisement on the side for a movie called The Identical, which advertises itself with "Ray Liotta in a Christian Film!".

It probably doesn't help that something like 'God's Not Dead' is basically the film version of one of those chain emails that used to go around certain circles years ago.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 00:08

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

raditts posted:

Wasn't it literally based on those chain emails?

Yes, that's what I meant. It makes the entire thing hilarious. Then you have the whole 'Heaven is for Real' thing where the parents admitted it's all made up because they were in major financial trouble.

What I'm saying is, the entire Christian film industry is based on lies.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 04:31

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

I really can't believe he unironically made a character named Christian White.

Also remember that according to him, something is a 'myth' if based on science.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2014 18:06

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Casimir Radon posted:

On my phone it looked like he was barfing on the cake.

My first thought too.

# ¿ Aug 29, 2014 14:04

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Every review I've read for this says this movie looks like it had a cable-access budget, which is pretty hilarious

# ¿ Oct 3, 2014 04:11

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

DStecks posted:

Apparently the Antichrist isn't even in it. It's just an adaptation of like the first third of the book.

Then what's even the point.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2014 05:22

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Yeah it's in about the same theaters and earning the same as God's Not Dead did earlier this year. It's still making a pretty low amount in the grand scheme of things. However considering the production values, I figure this HAS to make a profit.

# ¿ Oct 4, 2014 22:03

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Pinball posted:

In the Glorious Appearing, when the Big Jesus himself finally returns, he does things like speak scripture which makes people's heads explode, runs around Megiddo at a thousand miles an hour like the Flash, and demands that all who do not bow to him be beheaded (including those whose only 'crime' is that they're Jewish or Muslim).

Also Nicolae Carpathia gets the entire world to believe in his one-world government and happily join it by... naming every country in the United Nations during a speech. Apparently people in the world of Left Behind are easy to impress.

He's just that good. :colbert:

# ¿ Oct 6, 2014 04:04

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

CopywrightMMXI posted:

Isn't Old Fashioned a slang term for a hand job?

Yes, and that's what makes it so great that they went for that title

# ¿ Nov 17, 2014 04:00

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

God drat that sounds amazing. Particularly the 'Kirk Cameron fireside chat'.

# ¿ Nov 29, 2014 20:55

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

LORD OF BUTT posted:

It's really really blunt about it, though. Like there's 6 or 7 separate times that Matt goes to his priest and has an extended conversation tying everything back to his faith, and it gets brought up by other characters too. It's the kind of thing where if you don't notice it you're either not watching the show at all or just not paying any attention to it.

Matt's Catholicism comes up very often in the comics as well. It's heavily tied into the character. I really need to read the Frank Miller run, but I think that's where it started.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2015 15:05

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Not shocking that the Christian Right continues to use military imagery/terminology in these things

# ¿ Aug 30, 2015 22:25

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

'HYPER LIBERAL'

It's nice when they just make up random new insults on the fly.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2015 14:28

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

So Remember the Titans but the players get along because of religion, instead of just, you know, not being assholes?

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 04:25

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Samuel Clemens posted:

Probably. After all, every character in the film is a caricature.

Which is why I'm not the least bit surprised about that one spoiler on the last page....the last film had no shame about anything, really...

# ¿ Apr 4, 2016 04:31

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Animal-Mother posted:

I've decided to drink and watch the original God's Not Dead. Ten minutes in, we've got your bog standard dumb white suburban ideas about black and Chinese people, we've got famous philosophers incorrectly described as atheists (including the loving one who made the statement the movie's loving named after), and we've got terrible country music. And DEAN CAIN!

My favorite bit of trivia is that when the Chinese student and his father are having a subtitled conversation, they are speaking two completely different languages

# ¿ Apr 6, 2016 14:53

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

The stuff with the Muslim girl who listens to Christian music (and maybe the Bible on tape?) is really awful. For some reason they have her wearing a headscarf but otherwise pretty normal clothes, which would not be happening in the crazy household she's from. Of course she has a father who is basically the conservative caricature of SCARY MUSLIM MAN, and as you would expect he beats her when he finds out she is listening to Christian stuff and then kicks her out of the house.

It's really a toss-up between the awful stereotypes and how they seem to actively want the people they don't like to die horribly or get terminal illness. If you are an atheist according to this movie, you are an awful person who hates everyone and believes they are the greatest thing in the world. Your punishment is getting hit by a car and dying. If you are a liberal blogger who goes after people like the Robertson family for their intolerance of others, you will get cancer until you decide to recant your beliefs and embrace God, at which point the disease magically cures itself.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2016 00:19

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

I think it turns out in the sequel that the blogger returns and is cancer-free now that she has accepted Jesus or whatever

# ¿ Apr 7, 2016 12:54

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Ok, but then he's basically just taking that from the old chain emails about some college professor doing the 'God is Dead' thing

# ¿ Jun 12, 2016 18:57

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Lol I never noticed that before. That's pathetic.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2016 13:14

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

The_Rob posted:

Who was Ben Hur for? Fans of the original are in nursing homes, and I don't think kids are flocking to biblical epics these days.

I feel like I ask myself the same question anytime someone drags up an old property and makes it into a movie with little fanfare. Like when they made a Jem movie last year but basically took nothing from the source material and tried to sell it to teenagers who have never heard of it. Needless to say it sold like 5 tickets.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2016 16:31

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Did they even market it to the type of people who will see any kind of 'Christian' movie? Based on the awful box office I would imagine no.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2016 13:38

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

God's Not Dead: Civil (Holy) War

# ¿ Sep 4, 2016 00:38

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

There's one film they keep putting out which is 'athiest realizes he/she was wrong' and I call it Strawman: The Movie

# ¿ Dec 15, 2016 14:23

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

There's no precedent in copyright law that protects what they are doing.

Hell, people who just edit cuts from TV shows get their modified videos pulled on copyright grounds all the time online.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2016 19:17

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

My lord that cast is incredible

That woman doesn't even get any billing either

# ¿ Dec 19, 2016 15:41

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:22

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Ah I see, a giant black horse is about to devour the leads and they seem very unconcerned

# ¿ Dec 19, 2016 21:09

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Creating Terrible Movies in the Name of Jesus: Christian Movie Megathread