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Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 5 Kag's words somehow reach Stu's ears through the roar of noise and destruction. The Nike logo flashes in his eyes for a moment as he leaps, the world slowing to treacle. His foot hits the falling chunk of ceiling, pushes off, and he motherfucking flies, a grin etched on his face, the ghostly green energy of the warring spectres swirling around his legs. He lands outside the Gate of Tarfuun and barely manages to prevent himself from striking a pose. Instead, he turns and flashes a thumbs-up at Kag. "Ace, mate!" He quickly looks around, and notices that Grizztle is in trouble, his suit struggling to help him fight the weird wizard puppet. His hand strays to his last bottled ghost, but then he realises he's too far away, and letting more ghosts out would just make things even worse. Instead, he grabs a small chunk of fallen roof from the floor. "Oi, Grizztle! 'eads up!" Help Grizztle fight the wizard(?): 2d6+1 11 Grizztle takes +1 forward! The throw is good, and the rock hits the wizard puppet with a sickening crack. Does it help?
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Mar 2, 2014 22:44
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Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage HP: 14/17 Load: 6/8 Well, she hoped it would be a clever idea. Damaged: 1d10 4 Ooh. That'll leave a mark. But at least she's almost out. She runs run up to the gate and glances around and curses "gently caress, whatever the hell is waiting in the next room, I'm gonna need some backup. Uhhh" her gaze flits back and forth between her allies and the door she is standing next to, trying to put together a plan of action. Discern Realities (Get Us Outta Here!): 2d6 6 Welp, she's never been the deep thinking or sagacious type anyhow.
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Mar 3, 2014 13:11
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(OOC: Good poo poo Quantum) Miss Danger HP: 23/23 Miss Danger watched the dungeon fall to pieces in impressive fashion. And they said gladiator arenas were fake. She was confident in her abilities, but Kag's inspiration gave her the focus she needed to do this next feat. With a shrug, she silently opened up her Rope Trick, threw down her trick rope for Grizztle to grab, and leaped over to the other side. She didn't really look to see if he grabbed on or even if the rope got to him; she had more pressing matters to attend to. Once over the gap, she turned to the crowd and the hard cameras. "If you want to see something real, ask for Wizardry and Romance. We don't use styrofoam and wires, just blood and magic." Going to take that free D-D to get across, and also going to Aid Another on Grizzt. 2d6+0=6. Ehwhoops. +1 XP. Who knows what Miss Danger left in that Rope Trick? v  v
MadRhetoric fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Mar 5, 2014 |
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Mar 5, 2014 00:16
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As Flash's terrible life choices parade in front of him as he flips through the air and to his doom, his keen elven hearing picks up Kag's instructions. Deciding that dying would hurt his career, Flash manages to both grab onto the rope and keep his hat on, which is pretty impressive considering he's already had half his blood ooze out of the gash on his side. As he struggles to climb the rope, he quickly scans the room, trying to spot the Lizardman to see if he can at least throw a parting beamstar at him to salvage this PR nightmare in the making. However, the near-apocalyptic state of the room causes him to re-evaluate his priorities. Swinging himself to the barely stable platform, he boards his trusty hoverbike and revs up. Time to make like the first Scorpiana and get the gently caress outta dodge before the heat comes down. Although this lava is probably even deadlier than the investigation into her part in that halfling prosti-FOCUS. Flash laughs confidently before attempting a complicated series of jumps and sharp turns to get to the exit safely. (Daring Devil roll: 2d6+1=11. I choose to end up exactly where I want to, take somebody with me, and show off and feel fantastic (+1 forward) Flash navigates the unstable and collapsing terrain with ease and performs a ridiculously self-indulgent series of stunts while he's at it. As if that wasn't enough, he manages to bump into the unbalanced Grizztle from behind with his sidecar, impossibly scooping him up into it and carrying him up to the gate during the final death-defying leap across the lava. The extra weight of the mech snaps the sidecar completely off the hoverbike as they land, leaving Grizztle sprawled on his robotic behind, but in a relatively safe spot. "If anyone asks, I did that on purpose." he whispers to the confused Drow while waving to the crowd. Hopefully they can't tell he's about to pass out from blood loss and sheer terror.
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Mar 5, 2014 13:38
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Stu-D, Grizztle & Flash Grizztle attack might have missed, but that save by Flash keeps him out of the retaliating fireball's path. Stu-D's rock, however, is surprisingly effective. It hits the wizard with a hollow *thunk!* and snaps its twines, sending it twirling down into the lava. There's some flurried kobold cursing up above, but the caving lattice sends the unseen operator squealing for an exit. Riot Your expert skills tell you... Yeah, you should get your asses through that door, this room has six seconds at most before it kills you. EVERYONE The room finally gives way. The group narrowly crosses through the gate before even it folds in and shrouds you in darkness. Lights flicker on, and you can hear the roar of the crowd through the walls. A screen bolted to the wall above the next room snaps on, Wyvernjack's voice booming from the speakers. "What an absolutely amazing room clear by Team Dunguun Gangstaas! Folks, I haven't seen high octane action that early in the night since legendary competitor Funkelhaut's infamous '74 entrance. While this didn't compare to Funkelhaut's chromatic acid breath and unparalleled carnage, you gotta admit it was a fantastic show! Stay tuned viewers, our crawler teams are about to face the boss room of their heats. Will they stand triumphant, or be cut short of this night's glory? We'll be right back, after these messages!" The screen cuts to a commercial feed. Guess they try to hock this poo poo to you as well. The commercial break gives you time to catch your breath. Clear any debilities marked to end after room clear. — — — "Aaaand we're back with Dungeon Attack! Let's get back down in the arena for tonight's first boss fight round. Crawlers, raise your weapons!" The countdown begins, each number crashing into your mind like the hammer of gods. "Three! Two! One! LUDI INCIPIANT!" The doors open into blinding light, and then...  Crystal. Everywhere. The room is sheathed in thousands of gems and pristinely polished mirrors. The stadium lights beam through windows and fill the room with an ethereal glitter— Everywhere you look sparkles float in front of your eyes, twinkling like the astral sea. Rows of fans line the walls and sit between pillars, keeping the sweltering exterior heat from melting the room. "Ladies, gentlemen and undying liches," comes Wyvernjack through more speakers, "put your various appendages together for..." *Thud. Thud. Thud.* quote:Word is, the reason the Grand Sultan skimped so much on construction is because a huge chunk of funding went to hire a cadre of yuan-ti surgineers. quote:surgineers  "All the way from the Astral Plane, the Avatar of Death, Muhammut Kali!" How much are they paying you for this again? The doors slam shut behind you. Kali charges, sword raised in deadly fury. Everyone defy danger. Map of Boss Room code:
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Mar 8, 2014 04:25
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ohmigod this is SO COOL  Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21 Load: 6/9 XP: Time stops. The mammoth charges. Grizztle looks at Kali. Kali looks at Grizztle. Amidst the glittering crystals and roaring crowd, the sharper-eyed members of the audience might just see tears of joy standing in the drow's eyes. His moment of glory has come at last. "Guys?" he says, voice thick with anticipation, bloodlust, and sheer loving awe. "Just...just roll with this, okay?" He laughs and laughs and laughs, reaches down to a little-used recess on the dashboard, and flicks the "ROCK" switch. The A. A.'s hollow abdomen folds open to reveal... One banged-up, cheesed-off goblin DJ, two sets of stunna shades, and the sickest speaker hookup this side of the Elemental Plane of Bass. "Muhammut Kali! Nataraja! Vighneshvara!" his amplified voice calls out as his foe charges forward. "I hate to break it to you, but there's only room for ONE Lord of the Dance in THIS dungeon!" He flicks a couple more switches and turns a knob, and what was once a hammer handle becomes a dancer's cane with a big knob on the end. He twirls it around a couple legs like the offspring of a grotesque three-way between Fred Astaire, Spiderman, and Comic Book Guy. He gives the nod, and the music starts. "You. Me. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!" IT'S ON, MOTHERFUCKER DEFY DANGER +CHA: ZOOFIGHTS BOSS BATTLE DANCE-OFF = 6 XP marked. I do not even care about the failure. lmao this is so stupid (this is so great)
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Mar 8, 2014 05:57
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Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms HP: 21/26, Load: 10/13, XP: 1 The room was full of crystals and shinies, but Kag assumed it was cheap glass like the last one so he only groaned. What was the point, if he couldn't sell any of it? It wasn't like the Devil Comet's HQ wasn't full of shiny trash as it was. But then the monster showed up,t hat impossibly large beast. Kag squealed with glee as the monster descended upon them, and then did just about the dumbest thing he could do: he leveled his spear, grit his teeth, and dug his heels into Brainer's haunches. The wolf propelled him forward, hurling toward the beast, his weapon held steady. And as he got within range of the fighter, he dipped his head and hoped his armor held strong. As the goblin rode into mortal combat, he screamed, "Come at me, you half-rate lizard-fucker!" Defy Danger by Using Order of the Blade against this big baddie! If it's his first night, he has to fight.
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Mar 8, 2014 06:26
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Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage HP: 14/17 Load: 6/8 Experience: 2 MotherFUCKER is that thing ever big. "Hey compadres! The bigger they are, they harder they..." She doesn't have to complete her sentence before the gigantic God-Thing is almost upon them, and she jumps up, grabbing onto one of the sheets of crystals to propel her as long as it'll hold. Defy Danger (Climbin' The Jingly Walls): 2d6+2 8
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Mar 11, 2014 20:39
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Riot You get a firm grip on the gem curtains, and surprisingly it isn't dissolving in your hands or tearing like a bead necklace like the other room. You're not out of the woods yet though— An explosion in the wall behind the curtain knocks you across the room in a shower of sparkling crystal. Oh crap; those things look really sharp! Defy danger. If you're hit, take d4 damage. Grizztle Kali's sword comes down... Nothing happens. In a flash, you've been transported to a round, mirrored stage in the center of the room. Energy laps at the edges like flames, and across from you stands Kali. But something's different— You can see through him. "Folks, this is unprecedented! Grizztle of Team Dunguun Gangstaas has not only challenged Muhammut Kali to a fight, but the many-armed god has accepted! Kali is using his powers to project his mind around Grizztle, allowing the great avatar to stay fighting at the same time. Will our Drow competitor stand a chance against such a powerful foe?" The arena music cuts out. There's some muffled commotion, a few efreeti insults, and finally a different, more appropriate track comes over the stadium speakers. Kali stretches his astral arms wide, and if he had teeth, you know he'd be grinning right now. Dancing! So listen up: Grizztle, I want you to make 3 rolls and post them. I'll roll against your rolls, and whoever has the highest number wins. Kag Kali's physical form lets out a furious roar and charges after you! He takes a boxing glove swing through a pillar and tries to crush you with his massive fist. What do you do? Everyone Riot's knocked clean off the wall by a sudden explosion. The culprits soon reveal themselves— Ghosts. Tallula soars through the rubble with the Mad King in a headlock and suplexes him into the floor. "Ya addled-mouthed piece a'shite! No bastard's gonna speak of me kin that way, especially no fuckin' dollar store Samhain ornament!" The Mad King only giggles and snaps his jaw back into place. "Get banished, Taingire! Your mum was ogre with the wings of a horsefly! Face like a bloody onion too— Made me wanna cry! AH AH AH AHHHH!" The two go back to clashing, already damaging the scenery with their reckless swings.
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Mar 12, 2014 04:17
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What would Major Failure say if he could see his creation now? I'm amazed you're actually going with this instead of just smashing this poor spiderelf into the dirt. Are these rolls appropriate to add stat modifiers to? If they are, this one's +Dex, which is +0 for me anyway. Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21 Load: 6/9 XP: 5/8 ROUND 1. FIGHT! As the music finds its beat, Grizztle raises his mecha up to its six-legged stance and drops it into a few quick disco moves - which rapidly turns into a multi-legged Hustle - which turns into some fancy spins and cane tricks that wouldn't look out of place in a musical. It's a good thing he had time to fix the stanky-leg issue in between rooms, or the bit where he does the Wave using all six legs would look a lot less pretty. He finishes with a twirl of his cane around all eight limbs, and yields the floor, bowing and scraping mockingly. Round One roll: 8.
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Mar 12, 2014 16:29
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Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea! Flash looks completely dumbfounded as the gigantic godlike monstrosity starts rampaging through the room. The reality of the gap between who he truly is and the character he portrays starts to weigh on him, as does the poison and blood loss. For what seems like an interminable while, he just stares blankly at the huge incomprehensible creature making its way towards him. He's only snapped out of his reverie by the explosive intrusion of the crazed ghosts. "God drat, I really need to renegotiate my contract if I survive this." he mutters under his breath. Looking around for a way to avoid being squished by Kali, he spots another row of gem curtains and decides to swing on them to get out of the brute's path. (Defy Danger (dex) 2d6+1=4)  The gem curtain snaps at the apex of the swing. Oh man... (What happens now?)
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Mar 14, 2014 01:56
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Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms HP: 21/26, Load: 10/13, XP: 1 Since the big bad didn't attack me last turn, but I rolled an awesome Defy Danger anyway, I'm gonna use that for the defense roll here. I hope that's alright. Kag screams, and takes the blow bodily on his foghat-gray scale mail. Brainer slid a bit from the force, but Kag just spit out some blood and grinned, then shoved his spear at the hulking monster, while shouting, "Devil Comets!" Attacking the big bad: 2d6+1 8 Damage: 1d10 6 + 2 (Brainer) => 8 His spear went easily into the beast's side, drawing forth dark fluids from its body while Brainer dug his teeth in. But getting that close has its cost, and for Kag it was the second fist, swinging straight at his head.
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Mar 14, 2014 02:04
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Miss Danger HP: 23/23 The rope trick fizzled out and collapsed with the rest of the cheaply made dungeon. Miss Danger made sure she still had the wand in her gloves, just in case. That time checking should have gone to preparing for the massive yuan-ti thing charging her, a whirling dervish of blades. Defy Danger +Dex 2d6+2=9 She narrowly avoided the brunt of the attack, but the sheer force caught her off-guard. She looked to grab one of the many arms in a joint lock, more to give herself something to hold on to. HackanSlash: 2d6+2=13. I'll open myself up to the attack for the extra damage. 1d10+1d6+1=8 +messy +forceful
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Mar 14, 2014 19:22
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BrotherAdso posted:Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage Oh, poo poo! Well, if I can just watch the patterns of splintering glass and move with the waves... Defy Danger (Track The Shards, INT): 1d6+3 6 Ooooh ouch ok my mind doeesn't move that fast... Damaged: 1d4 3 ...but maybe a shower of glass shards can do some damage to the bad guys, too? Riot makes a violent motion with her arms, which glisten with spectral spies like dragon's wings, to send a whoosh of wing like a dragon's buffet, to pick up the flying shards and drive them into Kali... Weave A Spell (Wind Of My Wings): 1d6+3 8
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Mar 15, 2014 04:02
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This is all amazing. Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 5 Stu had been standing, gormless, to one side for some time. I mean, what else can you do when a giant hindu god elephant bursts into the room and has a mental dance-off with the drow cook? Not trained for this. At all. However, the ghosts smashing into the room is something he can deal with. "Oi, yew sods! Get back 'ere!" Stud dashes towards the ghostly rumble, arms stretched out and looking to grab the ghosts and shove them back into the bottles. His first target is Tallula... Get back here, ghostie!: 2d6+1 12
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Mar 15, 2014 14:00
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Grizztle They are appropriate, yep. 6 Kali busts out his own moves, and while his disco point is pro, your first round wins. Can you keep it up? Flash Your failed swing ends with you face-planting directly into a pillar. You squeakily slide down, crowd bursting into laughter at your misfortune. Ouch. Take 1d4 damage. What do you do? Riot Nice shot! Kali's back glistens with millions of tiny cuts where the glass hit, causing him to belt out another roar of pain. Unfortunately, you know his pain. Your wounds feel like an all-over paper cut, thousands of microscopic shards having sliced through or stuck in your skin. Every movemnt's causing pinpricks of sharp pain— It'll be harder to weave spells until you can get patched up. -1 on magic rolls until end of room. Kag Cool with me. Kali roars and plants his second strike against your temple. The blinding force sends you cartwheeling off Brainer and onto the floor. Kali's already bringing his blade down, and even through your blurred vision you can see the bonfire of spiritual energy radiating off it. Take 1D10+1 damage. Defy danger at -1. What do you do? Miss Danger Your expert moves grant you a devastating lock on Kali's noose arm, and the sheer pain causes him to drop his skull-laden weapon. This means you're open however, and a left jab crushes your back. Take 1d8+1 damage. What do you do? Stu-D The Mad King cackles as he and Tallula continue to fight, tearing gem curtains and shattering pillars alike. "Can't even scratch me! You're utter shite, leprechaun!" "I'm fuckin' Aos Sí, ya racist bastard! Go suck my—" Tallula's rant is cut short by a loud *WOOSH!* returning her to the bottle. That's one down... The King stops for a moment, processes this, and promptly cracks up. "AH AH AH AHHHH! EAT MY GRAVEDUST, YA SLAG!" A ghostly rat skeleton pops into existence, ghetto blaster on its shoulder and sunglasses resting on its snout. It belts out an atrocious tune while the Mad King busts out his own show of horribleness. "MR. BONES FOR PRESIDENT AH AH AHHHH" saberwulf fucked around with this message at 04:03 on Mar 19, 2014 |
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Mar 18, 2014 04:51
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Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms HP: 20/26, Load: 10/13, XP: 1 Damage from the attack: 1d10+1 3 - 2 Armor = 1! Kag winces as he flies from Brainer, but the armor catches most of the damage he should have endured. He gets back to his feet as quick as can be, and looks at the chaos that's overtaken his team. He starts barking more order, his goblin voice high-pitched and grating among the sound of combat. Most of his words are drowned out in the noise, but Miss Danger hears the distinct phrase, "Go for the joint, you stupid dervish!" An ally gains +1d4 damage forward. And then he called for Brainer, and retrieved his spear as he waited for his mount to get to him so that they could go charging back into battle together.
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Mar 19, 2014 03:35
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Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21 Load: 6/9 XP: 5/8 Grizztle inclines his head in respect for his Titanic adversary, all the while grinning like a madman. Kali's got the moves, no doubt, but can He do...THIS? The drow hauls his mecha onto the dancefloor, slotting his cane away. He eschews elegant cane-twirls and courtly drow eight-steps this round, for some serious BREAKDANCING instead. Eight legs makes it surprisingly easy to pull off some sick spins and flips, but Grizztle's out for glory. In a breathtaking show of arrogance, and completely disregarding his unenviable physique, he finishes his routine by using his own, actual limbs to hold up his entire suit, goblin DJ and all, in a two-handed freeze. He just hopes nobody in the audience saw his jelly-like arms quivering with the strain of it. Grizztle yields the floor once more, eager to see how the so-called Nataraja is gonna one-up that. Round Two (+Str): 7.
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Mar 19, 2014 04:55
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Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea! (Roll for faceplant damage: 1d4=3) Flash lays on his back, groaning in equal parts pain and shame, his hat half-draped over his face. Through the feather, he notices something up on the ceiling... so many fixtures, hanging there, glittering so prettily.... almost like... chandeliers... and that big one, in the center... Something whirs within the actor's probably-concussed mind. He's come up with... A daring plan! (gain +3 hold) He kips up suddenly and rushes towards Kag. "Kag! Kag buddy! I have a brilliant idea! I need you to give me and Riot a lift somewhere, then lead that abomination to a specific spot! Can your mount handle it?" without waiting for an answer, he turns towards the bleeding mage, wincing at her cuts. "Oh, Riot!" he yells, trying to be heard over the blaring disco beats and din of battle. "Are you still conscious over there, doll? I need that fire of yours to help us win this!" Finally, he turns towards Miss Danger. "Hey, Bullette! When I give you the signal, you'll want to get clear from that thing like it's a pay-your-own-way promotion!" He adjusts his hat and crosses his arms, striking a pose. "Trust me guys, I'm a pro when it comes to taking out huge, ugly, slapped-together monsters from parts unknown!" (Flash waits to see if his crew is going to put their faith in their captain)
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Mar 20, 2014 13:48
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(OOC: I don't think I fully understand what is going on, but I like it.) Miss Danger HP: 21/23 Damage 1d8+1=2 The crushing left jab was less crushing than advertised, as Miss Danger was able to tense her body and take the blow. The beast's massive fist stung her back, but left her unbroken. Not wanting to leave herself open for more punishment, she quickly applies enough pressure to break the joint she has a lock on and flips off the dervish's body. Her technique wasn't as clean as it could have been and she left herself dangling in the path of another whirl of limbs. Hack 'n' Slash. +Dex 2d6+2=8 So he gets another shot. Damage 1d10+1=3 +1d4ward = 3
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Mar 20, 2014 19:26
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Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage HP: 11/17 Load: 6/8 Experience: 2 Uugh. Riot's head feels worse than after the last Banshee Tribe concert she.... 'Oh, that rear end in a top hat. He wants me to something, huh?' "If you want me to do something, you better earn it and tell me why!" Shaking her head, Riot decides weaving magic isn't for her right now. It's time for something more direct. She whirls her club in a tight circle and it begins to glow with white heat, until she stops it mid-twirl, shooting a bolt of flame out towards the beast lumbering past her towards Bulette. Black Magic (Flame Shot - 1D8, Reach, Piercing 1): 2d6+3 5 Uh oh. She may have its attention.
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Mar 21, 2014 15:24
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Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 5 "Oi! Skull-face! Shut yer gob!" Stu has frankly had enough of Todenwald already. With a great heave, he attempts to inhale the mad skeleton ghost back into his body, where he should bloody well stay. Get back here ghostie 2: The Ghosting (Wis): 2d6+1 9 His lungs aren't that great, okay?
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Mar 22, 2014 03:25
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Miss Danger Kali's arm snaps like a dry twig. He screams, and in blind fury an unfortunate uppercut plants itself directly on your jaw. Your feet leave the ground, and before your nerves can even feel the pain, you're thrown across the room and directly through a pillar. You land in a heap of plaster dust and sequins, blood leaking from a gash in your side where flimsy rebar tore through. 1d10+1 damage, -1 Dex until end of room. What do you do? Riot The spell hits Kali with enough force to make him skid to a stop. He turns and sweeps his now glowing blade for your head, as much anger as possible on his proboscideic face. What do you do? Grizztle 6 Kali's moves are great, but once again, yours are just a smidge better. Great arachnids be praised, you're actually beating him! But this is what it all comes down to— The Big Finish. DJ Right In Da Gobb fumbles with the turntables through his bent shades and switches over to the final song. The tune kicks up, sweat trickling down your armor. Can you do it? Yes I'm aware one of those came out in 2002, it's fantasy dammit! Stu-D He's reluctant, but your lungs slowly beat out Todenwald's resolve. "I'LL BE BACK, YA GITS! WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT BAM, MAD KING IN YER FUCKIN' PINT! I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN! AYADAYADAYAHAHHHHHH...." Holy poo poo he tastes terrible! Gods, it's like a wet trashcan full of cigarettes and sun-warmed Owlbier. What the hell was Todenwald doing? -1 Con until end of room.
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Mar 28, 2014 04:31
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Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21 Load: 6/9 XP: 5/8 Playtime's over. It Is Time To Get Serious. Grizztle undoes a couple latches on his suit's dashboard and flips the entire dang thing around in its mounting. On the reverse side is an extremely small breakfast kitchen, complete with griddle, tiny toaster, and miniscule mini-fridge. He takes a deep breath and prepares to execute the most devastating finishing move in his arsenal: the legendary Foxtrot Camembert. Concieved by the great Bas-Chef Illian McThornbody himself in centuries long since past, this impossibly complicated set of dance steps requires six legs and an intuitive grasp of both four-dimensional mathematics and short-order cooking to perform properly. Can this upstart nutcase of a drow measure up to the achievements of his ancestors, and out-dance Muhammut Kali himself? Dance-off, Final round (+Int): 9 The A. A.'s six mechanical legs churn and stamp, tracing the shadow of a complicated 4-dimensional filigree - and at the same time, Grizztle's two other limbs busy themselves with a frenzy of chopping, frying, and toasting. At the end of his routine, he presents to the Dungeon Attack audience a full dark-elf breakfast, complete with poached spider eggs and three different kinds of blood sausage. Grizztle yields the floor for the last time, munching contentedly on his culinary masterpiece. Tastes like...victory. 
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Mar 28, 2014 05:57
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Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms HP: 20/26, Load: 10/13, XP: 3 The goblin howls with delight as Miss Danger follows through on his advice, easily snapping the joint she was attached to. He keeps howling, too, laughing at the beast as it collects so many wounds and injuries from the group. Before it can fully recover, Kag spurs Brainer into action, bearing down on the creature before him with his spear again. I get +1 since the beast has decided not to directly engage Kag in combat, right? CHAARGE! (Hack n Slash): 2d6+2 5 Whoops
QuantumNinja fucked around with this message at 14:09 on Apr 2, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 17:27
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Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage HP: 11/17 Load: 6/8 Experience: 2 "Hey, you ugly elephant shitmonger! You want to touch this? Why don't you try it?" With those last words, as if to challenge a God with her grrl-power, she spits a single vicious sounding curse word in Draconic (bleeped for Adventure's viewer's poor sensitive ears), she practically spits forth a belching, constant, hot wall of flame as if to drive Kali backwards, away from her. Black Magic (Wall of Flame) - 1D8, Reach, Forceful: 2d6+3 11
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Mar 29, 2014 02:52
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Miss Danger HP: 17/23 Damage 1d10+1=4 Now that one hurt. That gash is going to hamper Miss Danger's flexibility, but it won't hamper her fighting spirit. She dusts herself off, works through some stretches to make sure nothing else has been tweaked or twisted, and waits for an opportunity to open up. Riot's wall of flame is that opportunity and as the flames rush towards Kali, so does Miss Danger, looking to cripple the monster so it can't avoid immolation. Submission time. +Dex 2d6+1=8 One choice, they are dizzied and unstable. MadRhetoric fucked around with this message at 18:57 on Mar 29, 2014 |
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Mar 29, 2014 18:50
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Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 5 Ew, oh god, ugh, gently caress. Stu-D stumbles, almost vomiting from the awful taste of ectoplasm. Every goddamn time! One day, he's gonna get vomited right back up and Stu would be done with the whole drat thing. Well, everyone seems to be punching this elephant right now. Guess that's happening? Well, two bottles of surprises left. Stu-D whips out a bottle of vodka Unleash the ghosties! (Hack and Slash): 2d6 6 And fumbles it like a dweeb.
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Mar 30, 2014 01:49
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Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea! Flash sighs in annoyance. Guess the crew needs a little convincing. He adjusts his hat and pulls out a beamstar, tossing it at Kali, hoping to slip in some minor damage in the confusion of the fight. (Volley roll: 2d6+1=8) The shot misses completely, but Flash follows it up with a second beamstar, which finds its mark in the furry hide of the behemoth. (-1 ammo). (Damage roll: 1d8=1) That... didn't seem to do anything at all. Oh well. Flash edges closer to Riot, taking care not to get scorched by her flames. "Hey, kid, listen, about my plan... You see that huge chandelier over there? I need you to heat it up to its melting point with that vooodoo that you do, and then Kag can lure that thing under there, and then I'll get up there and cut the chain holding it up. A few tons of molten glass should take care of even this monstrosity, or at least slow it down enough for me to finish it off. What do you say? Can you handle that?"
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Apr 1, 2014 03:04
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Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage HP: 11/17 Load: 6/8 Experience: 2 "Flashy boy. It's not a bad plan, but you gotta make me a promise." "Promise me you'll say you're a sissy. Just once. Live for TV. Hell, just say you're sorry to women out there, I'll take that."
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Apr 1, 2014 03:09
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Grizztle Kali's busting ten dimensional moves, tearing holes through the plane with prismatic points, throwing vermillion kicks, and popping tyrian hips. Colors out of time are coalescing between the both of you as the final seconds tick down, magic sweat beading in the air. Time and space crash together, godly glory and mortal might compressing reality to a single point at the center of the arena. The fans between the pillars have long since melted beneath the sheer energy coming off the dance, and the gems not shattered shiver and bend inwards as the disco reaches its final beat. Kali stiks his leg out, going for the mother of all electric slides... 8 And trips. The magical flames instantly die out, swallowing Kali's astral projection with a roar of pachyderm defeat. You're dropped to the floor, and for once during this tournament, the crowd is actually silent. And then everyone in the Outer Planes goes completely motherfucking insane. "I... I can't believe this! It's amazing! In all my years of Dungeon Attack... Viewers, Dunguun Gangstaas support Grizztle McThornbody has just beat the Hindu god of death at a disco dance-off!" That son of a bitch just called you support! What do you do? Kag All of Kali's running around has lifted some of the tiles, and when Brainer's foot gets caught beneath one, you're forcibly ejected from his back. Thankfully, the only thing broken is your pride. What do you do? Stu-D Man, that cork is tight! You finally get it open, releasing... "HIKING AND SINGIIIIIING! SINGIIIIIING AND HIIIIIKING!" Oh gods dammit, it's that goblin hobo from the twenties. His specter floats just about the floor, garbed in stitched together rags and shiny bobbled weaved into fabric. In his hands he's holding some annoying little instrument that lets off clanging noise. Well, he isn't powerful, but you can your control on him. What do you do? Riot, Miss Danger & Flash The plan's working! Grizztle's victory has left Kali disoriented, and the triple whammy of Riot's fire, Bulette's submission, and Flash's stars have left it in the perfect spot for the chandelier attack. But will it happen? Will Flash come down off his high horse, or is he tipping in a non-monetary fashion? The choice is yours, Keldrin Sorbo. What do you do?
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Apr 1, 2014 23:56
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Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea! Flash looks more disappointed than hurt as he dusts the ambient ash Riot's spell created off of his sleeves. "Such childish antics should be beneath you, my dear. My agent would never let me claim to be a sissy on live television, and I don't understand what I have to apologize to women for. Our latest surveys show that females aged 14 to 145 comprise over 39% of our audience! And sales of the Princess Honeysong Fashion Diva line of..." he stops himself, remembering that he's in a boss fight, not a press conference. "Never mind that! Why do you want me to humiliate myself in the first place?" he makes a grand sweeping gesture towards the stands. "I give audiences worldwide a hero to look up to and a taste of magic and adventure in their boring, monotonous lives. How's that different from what you do? And is whatever problem you have with me more important than our survival?"
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Apr 2, 2014 03:33
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Please tell me this isn't too much of a derail.  Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21 Load: 6/9 XP: He cannot believe it. Grizztle McThornbody cannot. loving. BeLIEVE it. His mouth hangs open for a moment (showing off a half-chewed sausage), and then he just goes absolutely bonkers, hooting and hollering, beating on both of his chests at once. He did it! Him! This no-good son of a washed-up old cook out-danced the Nataraja himself! He basks in the roars of the crowd, drinking it in like a smug dragon guzzling down a 50-gallon tribute tub of the world's greatest wines. He chants "NA-TA-RA-JA! NA-TA-RA-JA!" over and over again, claiming his new title as the true Lord of the Dance. ...Then he hears Wyvernjack call him 'support.' PHHHHHHHHHT Sausage bits spray everywhere. You can almost hear the mental record scratch. "Support?" he yells, and shatters his plate on the side of his suit. "SUPPORT?! What the gently caress did you just loving say about me, you pasty-faced, lack-horned, shrivel-dick excuse for an immortal?! I'll have you know I'm responsible for over five HUNDRED new inventions in the previous fiscal year alone! We'd all be scraping for pennies and working for loving GOBLINS if it wasn't for me! I run this loving team, and you want to call me support?!" Now, those are all patently untrue, but Grizztle doesn't seem to be letting reality get in the way of a really good  . His face turns an alarming shade of puce as he works himself into the sort of righteous indignation you normally only see when you question the supremacy of maledhel in front of a High Elven gaming enthusiast. They do so love their card games."You want to see some loving support, Wyvernjack?" he hollers to the audience, his team, and the universe in general. "I'LL SHOW YOU SUPPORT!" With those words, he reactivates his mecha-suit's dashboard, unlimbers his saberwulf posted:A Heel is a douchebag. Blowing holes in the Dungeon scenery, suplexing the DJ, and calling the Tiefling cop who just pulled you over Handlehead are all how she gains Fame. Being a Heel is about walking a fine line between being the biggest bag of dicks you can be, and getting arrested for vomiting on the Queen at the awards ceremony. saberwulf posted:blowing holes in the Dungeon scenery, suplexing the DJ, and calling the Tiefling cop who just pulled you over Handlehead saberwulf posted:suplexing the DJ ...in...completely the wrong direction to get back into the fight. Wait, what about beating Kali? Good lord, is he heading for the walls? Oh, poo poo. Looks like the Dunguun Gangstaas might be getting a new commentator shortly... I don't want to make this post any huger so I'm just gonna plop this down here. Good thing he took that backstage tour a couple days before their heat started. Otherwise he'd be completely freaking lost once he gets back there. As well wind up in the boiler room as the commentator's box. Spout Lore: the Dungeon Attack backstage layout = 6... Maybe he shouldn't have had so many Mordenkainen Lights with Kag the night before. You know, like maybe a dozen less or so? All he remembers is how bad his hangover was, and where the bathrooms weren't. XP marked. I suppose I had this one coming.
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Apr 2, 2014 05:37
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Kallen "Riot" Dari, Riot Mage HP: 11/17 Load: 6/8 Experience: 2 Ugh. Well, losing would be worse than not humiliating this little poo poo, since it would probably involve dying in the process. "Ok, I'll keep out of this thing's way and get the chandelier melted. But follow through on your piece, or it'll be worse than useless." Riot ducks behind a curtain of crystals and whips out a book, looking directly at the floating camera spells. As long as she's making moral compromises, might as well get them all fuckin' over with. "Good thing Mage-U is here with a quick reference table for fireball heat and melting points when I need it. Mage-U and Nu-Mage - resources for the real life magician." She tries desperately not to roll her eyes and fails. But those tables are pretty useful... Speedy reference for slow burns (Spout Lore to aid spell with help of my Bag of Books): 2d6+4 8 Four uses left in my bag of books That's when she hears a CRASHING noise from the back wall and turns around to see what the rear end in a top hat in the clanking suit is up to...
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Apr 2, 2014 12:04
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Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms HP: 20/26, Load: 10/13, XP: 3 The goblin hit the ground hard, but picked himself up with another spry jump: it was starting to get comical, the number of times he had shaken off a hit too hard to be reasonable. This time he spit out a tooth, but it didn't really seem to slow him down. He watched the robot-suited chef as he shook the dust off his 'tabbard', though, and started hollering at him. "Hey, robo-cooker! We ain't exactly crock-potting this rear end in a top hat! Get back here!" As the chef continued out, Kag scrambled after him, and ended up leaning backstage and pelting him with Mordenkainen Lights while the other members of their team continued to fight. "I said come back, appliance boy! We've got more poo poo that needs chopping, hehehehehe, just like a sous chef, hehehehe!" Whether or not his tactics were working, Kag was losing his poo poo between beer tosses.
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Apr 2, 2014 14:14
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Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 6 "Oh, fer fucks SAKE." Stu is not having a good time. He stabs a finger at Kali. "Go distract it or sumfink!" Distract the bloody elephant (Wis): 2d6+1 5 "HELLO MY BABY, HELLO MY HONEY, HELLO MY RAGTIME GAAAAAAL" Stu pulls out his bottle of vodka and begins to drink.
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Apr 7, 2014 18:21
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Grizztle Your search ends when a gout of flame ignites the hallway ahead of you, depositing two fire elemental in your path. In their hands burn white-hot swords, and the word 'STAFF' is emblazoned in blue flames on their chests. This doesn't look good. A burst of smoke floods in from behind you, and somebody lays a hand on your shoulder. When you turn, you're staring right at that unforgettable face. Short, sleek horns. Sun-kissed olive skin. Luscious brown hair with that movie star style. Three eyes, glossy and black like Lolth's smooth chitin. Nikolai Wyvernjack flashes you a pearly grin sharper than his suit. "Grizztle McThornbody! A pleasure to meet you. Nikolai Wyvernjack, beloved multiplanar media personality, best-selling author, double platinum singer, award-winning actor, and owner of one fine as Baator beach home. I mean, among my seven other properties, two spelljammers, sixteen cars, supermodel wife and my own demiplane. But who's counting, right?" Wyvernjack laughs and takes his hand off your shoulder. An imprint of his claw-like nails has burned itself into your suit. "But you see Grizz—Can I call you Grizz? I'm gonna call you Grizz— The reason I have all those things is money. And money comes from ratings. And you know what climbing behind the dungeon scenery like a big, ugly pest does to ratings?" Wyvernjack's grin drops drops like a guillotine, sending a bone-chilling wave through your body and towards the elementals, who hiss and curse in their throaty language. "Ratings go down, and when ratings go down, they burn your contract and skullfuck you all the way to Ravenloft." He steps back, and like it wasn't even gone the grin snaps right back into place. "I think that's all settled then, right? Wonderful! Glad we had this chat, Grizz. I tell ya, I really treasure the moments I get to talk to the real crawlers, the faces behind the well, faces! Hahaha! Get the gently caress out of my sight." *clap* You're back in the room, but there's a slight problem. "I don't believe it! Folks, Grizztle has somehow materialized above the arena, and is hanging for dear life in the main chandelier!" Yeah. What do you do? Riot Your blatant promotional display pays off, and you gain both corporate favor and the heat-time ratio you're looking for. It'll take a lot of focus to get it to drop at just the right time— Grizztle materializes on the chandelier, causing splinters to spider through the ceiling. Welp. +1 on any rolls to affect the chandelier. What do you do? Stu-D "Oooooooooohhhhh that's a big elephaaannttttt" The goblin floats up to Kali, singing (badly), and clangs his instrument. He gets to, "you have a lot of aaaaaaarmmmsss" before Kali kicks the specter so hard it explodes. Well, free bottle anyway. Lose 1 spirit. What do you do? Kag You totally see Wyvernjack tear Grizztle a new one. Nice. The announcer gives you a wink before disappearing in smoke. Flash Everything's set up for the plan, but can you pull it off?
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Apr 11, 2014 03:22
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Okay, maybe a liiiittle bit too much of a derail. Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21 Load: 6/9 XP: 6/8 Grizztle holds on to the chandelier very, very carefully, and makes a mental note in big, bold loving letters: "DO NOT gently caress WITH WYVERNJACK. Yet." Well, if he can't take the rear end in a top hat's job, he can at least finish the fight with some Goddamn style. "Hey, Kali! You had enough yet?!" he yells as he leaps from the chandelier, legs curled up beneath him. "Waahoooo! LOOK OUT BELOWWWW!" Hack and Slash (Cannonbaaallll!): 10! Damage: 8. Full Arsenal tag: stun. Electing to forego the extra damage and avoid the enemy's attack. KWONGGGGGGGG Four hundred pounds of fat drow and culinary wonderments bounce off Muhammut Kali's massive skull with a sound like Lolth hitting a home run with an adamantine baseball bat. Grizztle angles his mech to take the rebound at a favorable angle, flips in midair, and skids to a stop a short distance away. Instead of pressing the attack, he yells to Flash "Do it, Stardasher! Do it now!"
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Apr 12, 2014 02:08
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Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 7 Stu finishes his long long swig in time to witness the goblin being exploded. Fantastic. Now he's got a bottle spare. He looks around with a start, realising that whilst he was dicking around with ghosties, the others have managed to make a plan of action. Ace. The elephant should be going down. But, just in case... Stu drops into a sem-crouch, one hand slipping his vodka back onto his belt and reaching for the bottle Tallula currently rages inside. Being let out twice in a day gives a ghostie ideas, sometimes, but the alternative is to join the goblin in undignified death, except messier.
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Apr 30, 2014 22:39
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Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms HP: 20/26, Load: 10/13, XP: 3 The fourth wall re-established, Kag lets out a few more barks of laughter and cries, "They showed, you, robot-face!" Then he readies his spear again, lines up the attack, and charges Brainer at the monster. His spear scores a hit, and Brainer's fangs follow shortly after as Kag comes up off his mount, riding the spear deeper into the elephant-like monster. By the end of it, though, he's hanging onto the other end of his spear a few feet above the ground, giving the beast a perfect opening. Hack and Slash: 2d6+1 10, putting myself in harm's way for more damage. Damage: 1d10+1d6+2 11
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May 1, 2014 03:34
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