suicide troubleshooting thread

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mags: I am a congenital optimist.

if you have had trouble doing the deed come here for help

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:17

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# ? May 16, 2024 19:50

Eye of Widesauron

Suicide is not the only option and if you're considering it I hope that you get help and choose not to go through with it :3:

Life is way too precious for that sort if thing :ohdear:

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:18

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Fill a kiddie pool with gasoline, get in and light it on fire.

easy peasy

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:19

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Fill a kiddie pool with gasoline, get in and light it on fire.

easy peasy

a great tip from forums superstar GOODSPEED JHON GLENN

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:20

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 21:16 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:20

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Blue's Clues posted:

the burning plastic will release a fair amount of toxins in the air, though

well if you're gonna worry about things like that you might as well stay alive.

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:20

Eye of Widesauron

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:21

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 21:16 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:21

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

well if you're gonna worry about things like that you might as well stay alive.

lets not get ahead of ourselves

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:21

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Widestancer posted:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I keep reading "suicide prevention feline"

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:22

Flynn Taggart

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:23

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

I tried to jump off a cliff but the entire cliff edge turned out to be just a landscape painting of a cliff edge, and I ran into it and bonked my head. Advice???

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:23

Eye of Widesauron

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I keep reading "suicide prevention feline"

I have heard that pets can be a great aid to help people with suicidal tendencies to overcome

I like to think that's true and I hope it is :3:

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:24

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:24

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

Once you accumulate 1000 cats you become immortal

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:25

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

dopepope posted:

Once you accumulate 1000 cats you become immortal

I have four cats and a bird. How long am I going to live?

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:28

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I have four cats and a bird. How long am I going to live?

as long as the bird probably

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:29

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

time served counts

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:29

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

*jumps onto seesaw with anvil on the other end in an attempt to catapult the anvil onto myself*
*seesaw simply breaks under the weight, the half closest to me flies up and hits me in the head*
*staggers backward onto ice, slips and falls*
*bonks my head on the ceiling trying to stand back up again*
*tries to sit back down again, fails*

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:31

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

i heard it is impossible to shoot yourself twice in the head

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:33

Flynn Taggart

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I have four cats and a bird. How long am I going to live?

How do you put up with four? My two drive me crazy at night chasing each other

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:33

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:35

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Flynn Taggart posted:

How do you put up with four? My two drive me crazy at night chasing each other

Sometimes they all cuddle together and sleep and sometimes they try to kill each other. I don't know what the triggers are.

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:36

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

CAT BRUSH posted:

i heard it is impossible to shoot yourself twice in the head

Blue's Clues posted:

once is bad enough

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:36

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:39

ZebTM

i joined byob 3 months ago and havent killed myself since, i think byob prevents suicides

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:41

The X-man cometh

Try this handy tip. Put a pipe in your mouth instead of a gun, and spark the bowl with your index finger. That way you get the physical sensation without the annoying death.

# ? Jun 13, 2014 20:49

google THIS

be sure to check the suicide clauses in your life insurance policy. many will only pay out for suicide once a certain amount of time passes after the beginning of the policy. if you don't have life insurance, wtf, you should get some first because if you're going to kill yourself you should at least get some money out of it

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:18

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

The X-man cometh posted:

Try this handy tip. Put a pipe in your mouth instead of a gun, and spark the bowl with your index finger. That way you get the physical sensation without the annoying death.

do not follow this tip because smoking weed is bad for you and it won't kill you anyway so this tip doesn't belong in this thread

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:20

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:22

Captain No-mates

i tried to cut myself to shreds with a knife because the wolves wont oblige me but it started hurting so i stopped. any tips?

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:39

Blue's Clues

Blue's Clues fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Jun 28, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:40

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Captain No-mates posted:

i tried to cut myself to shreds with a knife because the wolves wont oblige me but it started hurting so i stopped. any tips?

If the wolves will not come to no-mates, you must bring no-mates to the wolves.

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:41

FartGhost

Captain No-mates posted:

i tried to cut myself to shreds with a knife because the wolves wont oblige me but it started hurting so i stopped. any tips?

Think of something that gives you lots of impotent rage that you can't do anything about, think really hard and rile yourself up for a bit and it will make the pain seem like a relief :thumbsup:

FartGhost fucked around with this message at 21:44 on Jun 13, 2014

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:42

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

maybe you're going about the wolf thing all wrong have you tried slathering yourself in creamy ranch dressing and leaving the window open

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:45

google THIS

Blue's Clues posted:

i think there's typically a two-year discovery period.

this waiting period is good. suicide is a long-term decision and shouldn't be rushed into

consider a trial period if you're unsure. try lying in a coffin for long periods of time, a favorite post-suicide activity. ask your family and friends to get choked up and leave the room to compose themselves whenever your name is mentioned. also see if they will be willing to sit and stare into space for long periods of time, wondering what they did wrong. skip out on important events in the lives of the people you care about.

there are many other ways to simulate what life will be like after you kill yourself. get creative!

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:49

dogcrash truther

Jett posted:

this waiting period is good. suicide is a long-term decision and shouldn't be rushed into

consider a trial period if you're unsure. try lying in a coffin for long periods of time, a favorite post-suicide activity. ask your family and friends to get choked up and leave the room to compose themselves whenever your name is mentioned. also see if they will be willing to sit and stare into space for long periods of time, wondering what they did wrong. skip out on important events in the lives of the people you care about.

there are many other ways to simulate what life will be like after you kill yourself. get creative!

Good post. The wrong mod died.

# ? Jun 13, 2014 21:52