beer pal posted:

*blinds closed, jefferson airplane playing, weed rear end hat and comfortable weed leaf printed shirt on, visine, febreeze & fritos at the ready, erowid marijuana page open* to trip sitter: okay. lets do this.

no they will not posted:

VILLAGER: please help us stranger... our village is tormented year after year by the angry spirits of the volcano. The last eruption took out most of our huts and over half of our children... we live in a constant fear of this bastard volcano. We dont have the technology to stop it... You must help us. tge opening is very small but we have nothing to cover it with. Even a simple baseball cap would help us

ME : Wait... I might just be able to help you!! Hang on [starts rummaging around in rucksack for a bit before suddenly stopping, grinning, and slowly removing extended middle finger]

friendly craig posted:

i've never been good at writing, or jokes. i think we all know that by now. so instead of trying to write jokes, i thought id make a series of videos to showcase life w/out the hat. just some of the stuff i've gone through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcIKTEfv4T4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJCNhlvHijc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg67o4OC5dE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCcS5v4SfbA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8-MEoHd8As
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e7dG1hPjWc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16dqqSz6zwA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDnGtkr9fG4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVjjqjMYlxU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0a0dACxxfk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CiOHLhmrHs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VDXSJuuviQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5iwkjM7BE8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D14SRdCwHjY

pig slut lisa posted:

Ufa (pop 1,062,319)

i'd barely need to be horny at all to gently caress the Ufa flag. look at how lithe that ferret or whatever is. he looks like a bad boy. i love the bad boys, they really get my motor running.

Nizhny Novgorod (pop 1,250,619)

this one's pretty similar to the last one tbh. i think this stag has enough horny for both of us. get me in a room with this flag and i'm gonna put on some r kelly, pour us each a drink, and well u know...

Saint Petersburg (pop 5,131,967)

the st pete's flag is the first one that isn't like a definite yes for me, but it's still pretty close. like imagine you're at a college party and you see this girl you wanna get with. ok but she's hanging off the shoulder of some douchebag, he won't let anybody else play beer pong, whatever. if you're a stud like me you move immediately to plan B, and that's st pete's. which by the way would probably be plan A++ for most of you drydick betas.

Novosibirsk (pop 1,473,754)

ok so i know some of you are looking at this and you're like "it's so plain are you kdding me dog?" i hear you but listen. i had a babysitter that looked like this flag when i was growing up and you can bet i want to taste the forbidden fruit.

Kazan (pop 1,176,187)

this one would be a little higher to be honest--i mean just freakin loook at those curves--but i knew a weird dude a few years ago whose last name was kazan and it would kinda squick me out to gently caress a flag with his name. now if this flag was named Yaroslavl or Arkhangelsk...well that would be a different story.

Perm (pop 1,001,653)

here's another decently hot one that just has a couple flaws. first there's a book on this flag. smart chicks soometimes overthink things and won't let the fun progress the way it's supposed to, naturally. the second thing is the cross. religious girls can have some dumb hangups. like they can be real cockteases. but on the other hand the bear looks like its up for a good time and you never know, it can be kind of a fun challenge to take on a girl like this. or flag too.

Yekatarinburg (pop 1,349,772)

this is the first one where i'd wanna have a couple drinks in me before i go for it, but i'd honestly still gently caress this flag probably. the main issue is the mixed messages. like on the one hand the oven on the right is sexy as hell, but on the other hand wtf is that thing on the left? a well!? weird.

Samara (pop 1,164,685)

ok so it's time i get into a little thing my friend Roosh V calls vexillology. basically that's the study of sexy flags. the first rule of vexillology is don't put words on your flag. so while this flag has a lot of the elements that make a flag i want to gently caress--crown, deer, tricolor--that word on the bottom just totally harshes my buzz. the good thingg is though that you can fold it under and still gently caress the flag without looking at it.

Omsk (pop 1,154,116)

now we're starting to get into the dogs. this one isn't a dog per se but it's right on the edge. like...ehhhh, i would gently caress this flag in a short dryspell (like 2 weeks without some other hookup), but if i was getting some regular play i'd take a pass. i mean look at those teeth! don't tell me friends lol.

Chelyabinsk (pop 1,156,201) and Ronstov-on-Don (pop 1,089,261) [TIE]


the reason i have these tied is cause neither of them would get any action from me on their own, but if they wanted to do a threesome sure why not. i'd be thinking of a sexier pair of flags while i did it though. like probably chicago and colorado. mmmmmm.

Moscow (pop 11,503,501)

an ugly flag that's made worse by the fact that it's freakin moscow. i don't even know why anyone fucks this flag. some people do. beats me, no thanks.

Volgograd (pop 1,021,215)

volgograd's flag:
me:

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

"You chose a poor time to return home, kinsman. Ulfric Kenworth raises his banners in the northwest, outraged over Freightliner bowing to pressure from the Caterpillar Dominion."

*a gigantic truck swoops down from the highway and lays waste to the Flying J truck stop the player is at*

"By Diesel's grace, a Volvo! I thought they were extinct!"

*the player takes down a different Volvo, and learns he possesses the ability to Honk*

"You are Truckborn! It is your destiny to slay Dekotora, the World-Eater, and save all of Switzerland!"



FUS RO DAH

FUS RO DAH

Christmas Present posted:

this post was not in byob- but it is a very byob post
might be my favorite on all the forums ever atm

Christmas Present posted:

this post was not in byob- but it is a very byob post
might be my favorite on all the forums ever atm

Christmas Present posted:

ty for posting my good post twice

dogcrash truther posted:

Please do not post bad posts here, or posts from other forums.

Afro Doug posted:

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Every time I read the word fetlife, I imagine it's some kind of fetish insurance or something

Jett posted:

actually they're more into stocks and bonds

friendly craig posted:

kazvall hears over the radio that there's a thread asking who the worst byob poster is. he looks up from chomping on a pile of dry poo poo, and begins scrabbling across the desert like a rat, mumbling "it me. it me" under his breath

wd 40 posted:

*passes withdrawal slip to bank teller, silently shaking with laughter*

teller: lets see, it looks like you want to make a withdrawal for $420.69

me: *barely containing my mirth* its a funny number

teller: ok. heres your money

me: *tears streaming down my face* omg, lol...lol

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

my father literally left us because I didn't clean my room.

bog pixie posted:

actually the best thing about it is making dolls of my enemies. here's how i do it:

step 1) doll tutorials on pinterest - those fuckers don't even realize what dark and twisted purpose their step by step doll making videos will serve.
step 2) put the doll in the acid. for this step you need some acid. im not gonna tell you how to get it because its illegal.
Step 3) using a video recorder and some top nothc editing software, record the slow dissolving of the doll - then speed it up like thos nature videos with a flower growing and blooming - beautiful but hosed up
step 4) upload to youtube and send it directly to your foe on facbeook message chat with a emoticon. this step also subverts social media.
step 5) done.

OneThousandMonkeys posted:

It's easy to call the EU itself kinda stupid, and it is. But it's also designed largely for "young adults" and to evangelize the brand. Even when I was a teen I knew some or most of the books were bad (The Crystal Star, one of the most boring books I've ever read), but some of it was fun at the time. The plot to Darksaber is ridiculous, and then there's Bossk's coming-of-age story where he has to eat his dad because he's too old. Crazy bounty hunters are essentially the coolest thing about the setting other than Jedi.

The really dumb poo poo comes from the people who can't let it go and instead make it part of their ego. At the shallow end, people don't realize that the supposedly "best" stuff (Thrawn trilogy) is just as dumb as anything. It took like five posts in this thread for someone to tear Thrawn apart, but I don't know how many years in a row I would hear someone say they should film that crap. At the deep end, "childhoods" are "destroyed" when a studio announces they are not following the plot of 200 really lovely tie-in books and comics.

Probably the only really good things to come out of the "EU" are a small handful of video games. As far as I know that's basically:

-KOTOR 1 and patched KOTOR 2
-Battlefront 2
-The Jedi Knight Series (Academy still has an active lightsaber duel server population)
-X-Wing Vs. TIE Fighter
-Lego STAR WARS, still by far the best Lego game, for whatever that's worth
-The first level of The Force Unleashed, after that the game becomes progressively less fun
-Some people like Republic Commando, I thought it was poo poo

...And that's about it.

GEExCEE posted:

GEREECE: My man... I am going to need to borrow some Euros... hook a brother up

GERMANY: UM, this is obviously retarde.d. poo poo for babies New star wars sucks but the games are good\

i am he posted:

slumpy thread titles

Chill la Chill posted:

gonna tuck my dad shirts into my mom jeans

dogcrash truther posted:

saboten posted:

aim a tiny speaker directly into her vagina, play some pearl jam and let eddie vedder do all the work

Salmiakki posted:

polishthunder84 posted:

GoodbyeTurtles posted:

GoodbyeTurtles posted:

GoodbyeTurtles posted:

me: "i wish for you to be free, robin Williams genie"

genie: *hangs self, aged 63*

me: "what the gently caress have i done??? i had 2 more wishes!"

i am he posted:

ATCG posted:

All right yo here is what we got for ya, Dont Bully Me!

First, you a grown rear end man and you be driving around with a silly basket like a girl?! Hell naw, we took that rickety ol basket off and replaced it for a nacho cheese machine. Hope you aint lactose intolerent lol!!! Now you might be saying "yo atcg, whats the point of cheese if I aint got no nachos?". well bro, we got you covered with a nacho warming tray underneath yo seat! deeaaaamnn!

So the hunnies obviously gonna be all ova yo ride now, but hell playa, we all know you need more than nachos to be competin with some of them north side ballers. Now you probably thinking speaker system with some serious bass, right? WRONG! Ladies got their ipods in now son, but whats louder than an ipod? Guns. so we strapped a AR-14 on your armrest to pack some serious firepower. dem shorties will be hearing you all the way from the bay dawg lol.

Match that with some sweet american rear end floor mat and cool hip decals and you are ready to go. But wait...you probably sayin to yoself, "drat, i gots da hunnies..check, I gotsta hip look..check, but what about dem haters?". Aw YOU KNOW i got you coverred there dawg. Press this button. *Don't bully me presses button*. Woooaaaah, you see that?! mutha truckin toilet paper roll comes out the armrest!!!! So when you be rollin by the forums and the haters rear their heads..and you know they will playa...you can slow down and say "here's some toilet papah to go with yo shitpost bithces"..then screach dem wheels and leave them with their mouths open. hell yeah!!!

Dont bully me! posted:

Hi, my name is Don't Bully Me! and this is my speed run of the Choose Your Own Adventure book (CYOA to those of us in the speed running community(src))



Ready timer? Annnnd 3, 2, 1 go!
*begins reading*
This was published in 1985, and is one of my favorite books of all time. So as you might have guessed, you're on a magic path and you gotta get to the end without dying or some other unfortunate things happening. This is a 100% run but there's still some glitchy goodness to be had. You'll notice right away that as I'm reading page one, I'm not actually reading anything at all. That's because I read all this before and it saves a lot of frames to skip the text. *quickly flips pages* you'll notice here I was given two options: turning to page 4 (left) or turning to page 87 (right). Now, the right answer here is 87 but you can still win if you go to page four, you end up losing about 30 seconds in the process so we in the community don't go that way--it's just not optimal. Coming up on the 2nd choice here I can either go back to page 32 or i can go forward some more to 96 but we're going to go back here to set up our main glitch. I repeat, this is not and OPTIMAL MOVE if you were playing casually, at home. I'm actually purposefully choosing the wrong answer here for reasons that will be apparent. Wait a minute..*flips page back and forth* ...nope...these pages are stuck...it's soft locked, the game is soft-locked now great just great *slams down book, drops mic, walks away* I KNEW I should have brought my own hardware... loving marathon equipment, man.

FluffieDuckie posted:

FluffieDuckie posted:

bog pixie posted:

Julio is Flushed Down the Toilet With his Friends Pacman, the American Flag, the Jews, and the Concept of Heteronormativity

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-8k6SHXVro

Salmiakki posted:

I.N.R.I posted:

chyeah... put another hole in my indoor cardboard halfpipe today so i said gently caress it. i took my 4" Skully Piston with custom FUCH HED wheels (ceramic bearings bro!!!) to a real skatepark.. let me tell you i was beaten, i n one instance i had a water bottle filled with rocks thrown at me which missed my head by like 1ft maximum, and loving poo poo bag children spat on me and told me to gently caress off out of their way. but i dont care. and lets face it until they can land a 720 like i can then i should have the right of way here.

WetNightmare posted:

DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE "TONS" OF SPACESHIPS REALLY ARE THATS ONLY LIKE ONE SPACESHIP

i am he posted:

police: where were you at 2pm on the 6th
me: oh you know, just arsin around ;]
police: haha, ok youre free to go.

Classicist posted:

i turn to god and say "phew, thought i took a wrong turn at fart gently caress hell and wound up in "le heaven, heaven for redditors" i hate reddit!". god stops walking and looks me right in the eye. she gets serious and hesitates before she finally says "reddit did the robinning". i say "drat how did robin take it?" and she says "i don't know. he's in hell for the sin of suicide. actually most of byob is in hell, this place is pretty much empty" and i say "did anyone die before me? who is there to chill with up here?" and she starts to sweat and pulls at her collar. "out with it!" i cry. "well, only arnie so far." and i say "arnie!? how did he get here?" and she says "i don't know how he got the address but he just showed up one day and he won't leave. what a creeper." and then i wake up.