helldump your pets [petshaming ITT]

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Pet Island > helldump your pets [petshaming ITT]

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TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

JohnnyCanuck posted:

Mocha you stupid fuckin cat stop dying

sorry dude, thats always really rough. .

# ¿ May 8, 2015 15:07

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# ¿ Apr 30, 2024 19:55

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Hey. Dog who doesn't have a name yet! Tell your previous owner that if I catch his tiny penis bro truck driving rear end throwing another dog out of the window of a moving vehicle, I might actually do something drastic.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2015 12:24

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Its a girl dog..

There is already a Ben, and my suggestion of "Cat" is not flying well with the girlfriend.

Still trying to figure out the breed. Know there is definitely pit in there but she is huge. She weighs about 26 pounds and is about 30 inches long. Still has milk teeth and puppy breath :unsmith:

I'm going to go broke feeding this monster.

TehRedWheelbarrow fucked around with this message at 14:24 on Aug 31, 2015

# ¿ Aug 31, 2015 14:05

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Drum posted:

Oh yes, the Big Dog Lean. Try to move away and they lean harder. Or they go between your legs so your only options are shuffling backward or attempting to step over them, but they're just going to keep moving with you in the endless dance. You are trapped, and now you have drool going down your legs.

Its even better when you are relatively small.

You are literally a big dog plaything.

I get to dogsit a St Bernard this weekend.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2015 17:56

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

More like sat upon. It weighs over 30 pounds more than I.. big dogs are the best :3:

# ¿ Sep 1, 2015 21:32

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

let him in

My house apparently has a sign "throw animals here"

but for serials

let him in.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2015 12:09

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Did you let the cat in yet?

# ¿ Sep 15, 2015 11:49

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Fraction posted:

Kill ~~the cat~~ this poster and display his corpse on your porch for all other freeloading bastards in the area to see and learn from ... also let the cat in.

ftfy

# ¿ Sep 16, 2015 12:04

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Party Boat posted:

This cat sure has a lot of alt accounts, if he has access to these kinds of funds he's probably doing fine and you shouldn't let him in op

counterpoint: He may have a comprehensive financial portfolio and wants to share wisdom like a feline yoda/warren buffett.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2015 12:42

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Puppy Galaxy posted:

Porch cat etiquette:

1) invite the porch cat into your home

Puppy Galaxy posted:

2) porch cat gracefully declines your invitation

Puppy Galaxy posted:

3) porch cat eats out its own rear end in a top hat to show his gratitude

Puppy Galaxy posted:

4) when he's done, pet the porch cat.

This is some pro-level porch catting right here. You should become a teacher of porch cattery.

# ¿ Sep 18, 2015 12:30

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Retro Access posted:

A cat that does not realize its resale value.

why did you scalp your cat?

is this part of your shaming process?

You are a big meanie.

# ¿ Sep 25, 2015 13:31

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Porchcat, why don't you understand I'm trying to help get rid of your ear mites? Please stop mauling me when I put the drops in your ear. I even let you sit in my home all day after.

All I see here is that you let the cat in.

Capital old bean. Capital.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2015 13:29

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

OK loving porchanimals this is getting stupid. Stop appearing.

Seriously.

Im really super serious.

Oh for fucks sake.
Warning not cool hurt old puppy feet.

loving fickle fucksticks that's twice this month.

# ¿ Sep 29, 2015 01:11

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Vestral posted:

Moodini, licking my armpit at 6am because you are hungry is not acceptable. You know I work late, I fed you at 1am, all you did was lick the gravy off the meat pieces. Meat is food too. Eat that and you wont need to wake me so drat early. Also, yes, I am aware you pooped, you do not need to shout at me with such indignation about it being in the litter box. YOU JUST POOPED GIVE ME TIME TO SCOOP DAMNIT. And on that note, if you want to watch me poop, dont be so mad when I catch you pooping. Lets go with stop shouting at me over everything and nothing, cos im just gonna shout meow back at you and I think the neighbours can hear us and think we are crazy. You are crazy, thats why your family abandoned you. If they commit me, you'll be back on the streets hooking again.

catowner.txt right there.

Content:

Idiot huge puppy. STOP attempting to chase the cat into walls/windows/tables/chairs. If you dont HAVE a concussion your gonna get one and be even dumber!

# ¿ Oct 12, 2015 13:02

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

grack posted:

I seemed to have gained my own Porchcat. I shall call her Porchcat II

Hello Porchcat II. I petted you once because you are a very sweet kitty and that turned out to be a mistake because you are a stalker. Please stop leaving dead birds and headless rats by the garbage cans for me, I am fully capable of feeding myself. You sure as poo poo don't need to show up first thing Wednesday morning while I am taking out the garbage and present me with a dead bird like you did last week. I'm not going to eat them.

I will thank you, however, for the excellent job you did clearing the wild rabbits out of the neighborhood over the summer. My vegetable garden actually looked respectable this year.

naturally once the pretty kitty is done with her reign of carnage you should let the cat in.

# ¿ Oct 14, 2015 12:12

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

is the porchcat inside yet?

# ¿ Oct 15, 2015 12:12

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Porchcat went back to his owner over the weekend and showed up this morning scratched up from the rear end in a top hat cat that his owners got a few years back.

Porchcat is old, he has no chance against the rear end in a top hat cat.

Please don't leave my house again porchcat.

Awww.

Puppy:

DO NOT BRING ME ENDANGERED SPECIES. THAT IS A loving HUGE EPA VIOLATION. I do not want them.

# ¿ Oct 19, 2015 16:25

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Angrymog posted:

Jess,

I understand that you were confused that I was gone for so long, and that you might not like Radio 4, but the neighbours have been feeding you well - you're in great condition. There was no need to kill a mouse a few days ago and leave it to germinate on the living room carpet whilst I was away.

Thanks, Jess.

Thjess.

just growing mouse trees.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 13:13

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Porchcat, I'll never be able to grow anything in that planter box if you keep using it as a litter box.

I also wish you wouldn't wait until I'm near said planter box before doing your business. It's creepy how calm you are pissing and making GBS threads with me standing right beside you.

exhibitionist porchcat.

# ¿ Oct 24, 2015 13:21

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

Let it be known that on this day, October 31 2015, the dog Pax Americana Ghirardelli has grown large enough to jump over the baby gate

a day that shall live in infamy.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2015 19:04

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

JohnnyCanuck posted:

Mocha,
You are obviously sick again. Please stop. It is both heartbreaking and expensive. You are also 14, so every time you get sick, I fear the worst, and one day it will happen.

Just... Live forever, okay?

# ¿ Nov 2, 2015 12:56

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

You're not a cat pax. You're not agile. You can't parkour around like them

Pax:

# ¿ Nov 3, 2015 13:48

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

I almost want to agree with that, but I aint eating the animals/dead things the house menagerie brings in.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2015 19:45

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

FactsAreUseless posted:

V. impressive turtle

that was my thought.

# ¿ Nov 6, 2015 12:59

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

A few weeks ago. Pax was confused

this fucker keeps drooling everywhere.

# ¿ Nov 6, 2015 18:08

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

sriracha and water in a spray bottle or that bitter apple poo poo.

Kettehs shouldnt be eatin wires

this message brought to you by a kitteh that just learned not to chew wires.

# ¿ Nov 11, 2015 13:21

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

JohnnyCanuck posted:

your kitteh appears to be a dog. make it stop that.

No she is just an exotic breed, they dont purr.

# ¿ Nov 11, 2015 19:40

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

cyberia posted:

When Neon was a puppy and teething really badly I would use that bitter spray on the furniture or whatever he was trying to destroy and he'd watch me spray it then walk up and lick the furniture I'd just sprayed while maintaining eye contact the whole time

in that case i recommend a suplex.
goddamn cattes always trying to test a motherfucker.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2015 14:15

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

How did you get past the furniture barricade pax

# ¿ Nov 13, 2015 17:54

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

AtomikKrab posted:

That will not be a long trip.

(the inside of your house is the porchcat shelter.)

this is the correct answer, unless you have local rescues or no kill shelters. Here in FL most cats do not get adopted at that age.

I guess what I am saying is,

You should let the cat in.

Wildeyes posted:

My Havanese puppy is 2cute4u

Hoping her coat doesn't lighten up too much, but I suspect it will.

thats an adorable catte

# ¿ Nov 20, 2015 13:06

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

teenytinymouse posted:

It is genuinely, I'm not telling fibs, National Roof Over Your Head Day

well. that portent is rather targeted mr porchcat II.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2015 13:21

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

i kinda want a murder cellar..

# ¿ Dec 5, 2015 15:31

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

FactsAreUseless posted:

Where the gently caress do you people live with these armies of communally-owned neighborhood cats.

in the way back off a dirt road where fuckers like to dump animals.

# ¿ Dec 16, 2015 19:49

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Puppy.

Your head is not supposed to be your brakes.

You are not supposed to attempt to turn while running and jumping up stairs.

My puppy thinks she is a drift car.

She most likely now has more concussions than a hockey player.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2016 13:57

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

redweird posted:

Dear rear end in a top hat in my apartment complex's rear end in a top hat Cat,

Stop meowing up at my goddamn window once per second from 11pm til 3am or I swear to God I will cripple you and use you as a honeypot to draw out your owner, whom I will brutally murder.

whoh. hostile.

dont hurt cats, just put them in dumb outfits.

but yeah the owner is totally murder eligible.

# ¿ Mar 2, 2016 23:45

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Retail Slave posted:

Dear cat,

I swear to god if you nip my arm one more time because you want me to feed you I'm going to punt you like a little furry yellow football.

Dear other cat,

Stop pissing on the clean laundry. Next time I piss on you.

Dear dog,

You're great with the kids, but you're quite possibly the dumbest creature on the planet. Also, stop eating your poo poo and puking it up. And stop whining at me when there is no room for you on the furniture. You're a loving dog. Lay on the floor, like every other dog.

"Dear animals, stop acting like animals, get a loving JOB and contribute around here, and pick up my dry cleaning ffs, its been there for weeks."

# ¿ Mar 13, 2016 12:29

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Bulky Bartokomous posted:

Dear cat, please stop chewing though my shoe laces. At first it was my fault for leaving shoes out, but now that you've figured out how to open the shoe closet its getting a little old.

pepper sauce man.

add a tangy zip to your kicks.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2016 23:52

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Lady when the puppy is playing with the laser pointer, quit being loving fun police. pinning the puppy to the ground with your teeth is just ornery.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2016 16:01

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

I never got the chance to let everyone know that Porchcat passed away a few months ago. I may of acted like he annoyed me at times but I find that I miss him every day.

Here's a pic of him destroying my bushes from almost three years ago, hence the Instagram filter.

RIP Porchcat.

laaame.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2016 12:27

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# ¿ Apr 30, 2024 19:55

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Future Days posted:

Please check my new friend,

its a tinypax

# ¿ Apr 12, 2016 18:55

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Pet Island > helldump your pets [petshaming ITT]

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