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"I was sitting right there where you are now X years ago, so trust me when I say that..." What the gently caress do you expect me to do, congratulate you on continuing to fail upwards into even greater heights of mediocrity? Commiserate with you on how loving retarded you are for staying at Drum? This preface is the biggest disclaimer for anything that follows, a thunderous cry of, "Please ignore all of my advice and thinly-veiled shilling for the flavor of the month for-profit "college". God damnit. I'd be even more pissed, but at least I'm getting the gently caress away from work. EDIT: I have realistically planned out the next 4-6 years in detail, with contingencies built in. GO AWAY. Diarrhea Elemental fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Mar 5, 2015 |
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Mar 5, 2015 20:44
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SumYungGui posted:Never once did I have a weapon turn in on the first try. 'Oh there's carbon in the chamber, oh I saw something in the barrel, oh you didn't get enough CLP in the mechanism' on and on the excuses went. I was suspicious at first, then it was confirmed when we drew weapons, got to the field training exercise site and everyone locked up their weapons in a trailer so we could have paintball guns and face masks issued. Never fired a shot through my weapon but it was rejected for having 'carbon in the chamber'. Fortunately I had a first-line who wasn't poo poo at his job (in an AIT platoon no less!) and he told the arms room guy to get loving bent, hard, then sit on it and rotate before god drat well taking the weapon and if he didn't like it call his loving supervisor. Or just be friends with the armorer. Disassemble, solvent tank, wipe down and air dry, coat of Hoppes on the metal to metal contacts light enough you can't see a fingerprint in it, reassemble, hand it in and go hide somewhere on your phone while people bitch and moan for another 4 hours.
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Mar 13, 2015 20:21
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Fucitol posted:i thought most mil crimes of that degree got sent to Leavenworth Crime was committed against a civ in civ jurisdiction, the scope of the charges means anything the mil dogpiles on won't matter for jack poo poo.
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Mar 17, 2015 00:23
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Cav. The answer is always cav.
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Mar 17, 2015 13:37
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:Always wondered if ADA was a chill branch on account of being so small. No. No. NO. HELL NO.
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Mar 17, 2015 13:52
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Loden Taylor posted:Given a choice between Drum and Hood, which sucks less? Kill yourself now, save us the inevitably painful suicide awareness "training".
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Mar 27, 2015 23:20
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LeoMarr posted:One of my friends just sent a snapchat from inprocessing at Ft. Jackson saying "DUDE WE CAN HAVE OUR PHONES UNTIL WE GO TO BASIC!" Yep. They only lock your phones up when you get to your training company.
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Mar 28, 2015 03:25
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Zeris posted:Secdef visits drum to announce1250 from 1st bct headed to Iraq Knew about this poo poo right after the CG (Townsend) got back from Afghanistan and his loving bumper plates started showing up well after hours at our battalion, before we even went on block leave before JRTC. It started being eye-roll worthy after the first couple times we heard something along the lines of, "WE MIGHT BE GOING SOMEWHERE GUYS, WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE, AND IT'S NOT AFGHANISTAN LOL!" Thank gently caress I was in the back forty supervising retards blowing poo poo up when SecDef came through.
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Apr 1, 2015 02:14
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The Slithery D posted:Maybe they failed on purpose. I knew 11B NCOs who swore they'd flunk the Bradley master gunner course if they got sent so they wouldn't get locked out of light units. Counterpoint: Light units are loving godawful. I'd pay good money to see a study done on the impact of 10th's mandate to ruck every week, although you could probably just loving visualize it as the Trail of Tears with the VA serving as the pestilential cattle pen rez they get stuffed in.
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Apr 11, 2015 18:38
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Mustang posted:What's you all's opinion on good officer branches? Everyone seems to be competing for MI and Engineer and a surprising number of people want Finance and ADA. After talking to recycles and people in company's that have already branched apparently infantry slots take up a quarter to one third of the available slots so a lot of people that don't want it are getting it. Go ADA, I loving dare you.
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Apr 26, 2015 18:59
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Retardog posted:In the last article I read about the costume changes, they said they're looking at a program to dye all the TA50 coyote brown. lofuckingl I had a fun time explaining that to my roommate as I was helping him clean his TA-50 and do CIF turn-in. The look on his face was absolutely priceless.
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May 3, 2015 00:04
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Spicy Guacamole posted:Pro-tip: take your TA-50 to the self-serve car wash on post.  Well, gently caress.
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May 3, 2015 01:03
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Vasudus posted:if you make it out of korea the same rank as you went in you were either lucky or lame Perfect examples being me and my former roommate. While I should by all rights be sitting in a Korean prison right now because of a night spent with some of their Recon Marines, he's an ultra-Mormon weaboo who spent 95% of the weekends playing Starcraft. ROK Marines are like wind-up toys fueled by alcohol, if you get swept up in their shenanigans while you're out then you're in for a loving wild ride.
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May 29, 2015 02:12
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krispykremessuck posted:it dont gtmo better than this 
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Jun 6, 2015 09:10
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The 670-1 Nikes are worth their weight in gold. 20k with 55lbs in 2:58 without running, my feet looked fine and surprisingly didn't feel like they wanted to go all Evil Dead and try to kill me in my sleep.
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Jun 10, 2015 00:09
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But for real.
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Jun 10, 2015 05:47
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Never stops being funny watching the line of scrubfuck officers and SNCOs line up for an entire day trying to qual with ACOGs.Cole posted:using an acog took the need for glasses away I just wore my contacts the entire time and my M-Frames loving vanished the second I got to my firing position. Safeties were always busy being butthurt about having to stand up there all day to hassle you about that poo poo. But for real, unless you're shooting up a Korean mountain at a 45 degree angle or literally blind/retarded how the gently caress do people shoot so bad? You just chill, laying there and shoot poo poo. gently caress, I don't think I've ever qual'd below a 38 with a CCO.
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Jun 16, 2015 08:15
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psydude posted:I mean I get this and all, but badges aren't immune to gayness. Look at how many people have CABs and CIBs from working in the TOC and taking a single round of IDF 50m away over a HESCO. Meanwhile, my medic couldn't be awarded a CMB despite trying desperately to save a dude with a sucking back wound while he himself was wounded because we weren't technically assigned to a combat arms unit at the time, we were just working with them (the dude died while they were transporting him to thr FST). What the gently caress? Wikipedia posted:As of 2005 the rules for eligibility were changed to allow any Medical Department Soldier in a brigade or lower unit to be eligible so long as they are engaged in actual ground combat and performed medical duties. This now includes Soldiers assigned to aviation units. Additionally, in 2008, IED/VBIEDs can now be considered direct contact with the enemy. So, Div asset? That's loving retarded horseshit either way.
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Jun 20, 2015 03:14
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You know that recurring theme every couple years where you look back at the kind of person you were and the poo poo you did and go, "Holy gently caress, that was retarded. What the hell was wrong with me?" Watching other people go full retard and enlist is like a guilt-free schadenfreude buffet version of that, instead of reflecting on your own gently caress-ups you just get to watch the train wreck happen right in front of you from start to finish.
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Jun 26, 2015 04:40
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Ace of Baes posted:wore my multicam in an ada unit, made it 22 minutes before "commanders discretion" made me go home and change into acus Tell me you're in 6-52. Please God, tell me you're stuck in the festering Mickey Mouse rear end in a top hat of Korea that is Suwon. I wish I could go back in time; superglue giant veiny green dicks covering those loving asinine floor to ceiling glass doors separating command group from the rest of battalion, a true to life sized horse dick rattlecan'd that lovely "silver" and stuck to the gay-rear end rearing IRON HORSE statue out front, and make sure to burn that loving aid station to the goddamn foundation. gently caress it, today marks one month AD (After DD-214).
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Jul 1, 2015 13:35
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Ace of Baes posted:same bde, different unit, not gonna get any more specific than that online though Christ, only 2-1 could manage to be more of a clownshoes fuckup than 6-52. Side note: HHB's commander when I left literally looked like the lovechild of every retarded racist black people political cartoon stereotype imaginable. Cole posted:If Suwon is Mickey Mouse's rear end in a top hat, than Camp Casey is Satan's rear end in a top hat after it got hosed by 6 Mandingos. Look if we're talking about Retard Olympics you can't just throw down 2ID/Casey, it's like using a loving GameShark.
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Jul 1, 2015 15:15
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Somehow the medic gets voluntold for the loving MILES turn-in at JRTC like a loving sacrificial lamb; never in my life had I seriously contemplated exactly how I would go about choking on my own tongue as much as I did that day.
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Jul 11, 2015 10:57
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Mustang posted:So apparently as part of the combatives training in ABOLC you get punched in the face 4 times. All the cadre that are level 2 or higher can come that day as lieutenants get in line to get punched in the face. If I was one of the NCO's responsible for training boot lieutenants I would definitely be there every single time to punch some LTs in the face. Level 1? It's some pussy poo poo with boxing gloves and padded suits, they're talking about the close the distance bits where you'll probably get popped a few times. If you've never been hit in the face it'll be a little surprising, that's all.
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Jul 19, 2015 01:45
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The US military is the world's greatest producer of schadenfreude, hands down.
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Jul 20, 2015 04:04
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I don't know if it's just the perspective or not, but I can't stop reading Cole's post and wondering how the gently caress an actual adult person thinks that kind of poo poo is remotely appropriate or even just not loving psychotic behavior. Yeah yeah, Privates do dumb poo poo etc, but holy gently caress how do you get to the point where that poo poo is not only culturally appropriate but even expected?
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Aug 10, 2015 20:13
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The Rat posted:It brings me raw joy that I am no longer in the Army.
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Aug 11, 2015 05:23
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Suntan Boy posted:Man, the more time I spend at NTC, the less I want to be here. Well, more so. Looking back at all of the bullshit made up specifically to fill the enormous stretches of monotonous nothingness (95% of non-deployed time), it struck me that it'd actually be loving terrifying to see what could get done if all of that huge reserve of manpower was actually used for something meaningful. Then again who the gently caress am I kidding; tell a group of 18-20 year old retards stupid enough to enlist to go in one direction and one might accidentally end up actually doing it, the rest will scatter to the loving winds with the two brain cells you could scrape up between the lot fighting over whether they should poo poo or go loving blind.
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Sep 1, 2015 09:39
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Oh my God, how have I not thought of this before? Have someone pull stats from AMEDD and the VA about all non-combat, preventable sports medicine type injuries and the resulting disability claims then take those reports and tie a rope with it. Take that rope, tie it into a noose, and put it around the neck of every stupid cocksucker responsible for ruining the shoulders, backs, knees, ankles, and feet of their soldiers in the name of hooah and motardedness and because we've always done it this way. Oh, or my personal favorite: Let's run 5 days a week because I'm a loving lazy uninventive oval office that can't be bothered to put any actual effort into planning PT or even delegating to someone that can do more than suck the chrome off my truck's hitch from ten meters. gently caress that poo poo, take those goddamn numbers and have a running tally their entire careers, bolded in nice big letters on their ERB or ORB. LtCol X has crippled 837 soldiers under their command over their 18 years of distinguished service. I, along with any medic that actually gave a poo poo and was tired of seeing genuinely broken people treated like lepers, would be more than happy to cinch that particular noose down nice and tight. Every provider I've ever worked with would be more than happy to help out by taking a loving running start and kicking those cunts off a cliff.
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Sep 5, 2015 11:54
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not caring here posted:I think your estimate of 837 is pretty light. I read something published in... '88 I think? where it's an average of 12% of soldiers in an infantry division are put on permanent profile every year. Just a random number, but yeah I saw that poo poo firsthand at Drum. I can't even imagine how bad it is at Bragg, Campbell, or Casey now that I think about it.
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Sep 6, 2015 05:33
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Triggs posted:Has anybody been to JRTC recently? I got tagged to be an OC/T and I'm fully expecting it to suck. What's that? Deployments have evaporated faster than a specialist's ability to give a gently caress? Let's go sit on a loving hill fellating each other while doing some High Speed Real World Training™! Have fun sitting around in a place that is remarkably similar to your mother's rear end in a top hat after the weekly party with Dirty Mike and the boys; a sauna that smells like piss, poo poo, and a corpse left out for a week in July in the Everglades. Plus mosquitoes.
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Oct 2, 2015 20:41
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Kiryen posted:It's not even better as a Major JRTC.txt
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Oct 10, 2015 06:44
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The Rat posted:You know what's great? Not being in the Army anymore. Can never be said enough.
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Oct 15, 2015 02:50
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One of my favorite memories came from being forced to sit through some retarded "class" "taught" by our section's shitbird E6 (who, coincidentally, nobody liked because he was a brown-nosing little robotic weasel gently caress) like two months before I got out. Five minutes in and you could probably see the glaze on my eyes from across the room so of course this perfect Army NCO feels the burning need to snap at me and say something hilarious about how it'll help me ace interviews and not end up homeless or in my parents' basement. I don't remember the exact wording I used but basically take the last 10 or so posts and condense them down into one incredulous short rant about how loving mind-bogglingly stupid the entire board process and the Army's concept of "leadership" as a whole is compared to really anything based in reality, and the sheer contempt I felt for the 99% of the military that didn't involve killing people and blowing poo poo up. I wasn't really what you would call his favorite person before that, but the little I was at work between ACAP and "clearing" was a special time afterwards.
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Oct 15, 2015 21:10
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moodyhank31 posted:Amusing discussion over at r/army about "civilian soldiers" in strategic units (aka me) I got like 2/3rds through the OP before my eyes had completely rolled up into the back of my head and I had to turn on text-to-speech. God drat it shouldn't be this surprising how rear end-backwardly retarded Army people are, especially the ones that really get into huffing their own farts that hard.
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Nov 3, 2015 23:56
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Cole posted:what is the temp out? loving trail of tears up to my sign-in desk for sick call the rest of the week.
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Dec 2, 2015 20:17
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I "found" two BlackHawk STOMP II aid bags and an M9 aid bag all fully stocked, almost a full box of PMAGs, a $200 stethoscope, a MK19 ammo can full of IV fluids, and enough other poo poo to fill up a small toughbox. This is what happens when a PV2 is the only one in the aid station that knows how to order, organize, and inventory supply poo poo. I still regret not swiping an EZ-IO drill for the gently caress of it.
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Dec 11, 2015 04:18
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I don't think $200 even comes close to covering the hospital bill you need after you squeeze that bowling ball out of your rear end because you stopped making GBS threads after the first week.
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Dec 31, 2015 07:00
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Suntan Boy posted:Fecal impactions are a legit thing, I hate taking care of them, and should never, ever be googled. Really glad I could always just go, "You haven't poo poo in a week? Hokay, you're catching a ride back to the rear and hitting up the clinic. Have fun, shitbreath!" Digital disimpaction is something I aspire to never have to do.
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Dec 31, 2015 07:45
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Soulex posted:gently caress me for still being in.  
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Jan 9, 2016 06:17
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Aranan posted:All of the threads in this subforum are talking about idiots. Of the people, by the people, for the people. People retarded enough to sign on the dotted line.
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Jan 11, 2016 08:53
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