STAR WARS -- I Am Altering The Canon. Pray I Don't Alter It Any Further

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > STAR WARS -- I Am Altering The Canon. Pray I Don't Alter It Any Further

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Wheat Loaf posted:

Dark Horse's Legacy comic, while quite good, ran out of "Darth" names pretty quick.

No one's ever gonna top the Emperor's mentally ill (inasmuch as he was a pacifist, which the Emperor considered a mental illness) illegitimate son, whose defining feature was that he had tree eyes - "Triclops".

He was from the notorious Jedi Prince / Glove of Darth Vader series for young readers. There was another guy with three eyes who tried to impersonate Triclops, called Trioculus. He was assisted by an Imperial officer called Grand Moff Hissa. Another Imperial in the same series was called Grand Admiral Grunger. His aim was to procure the titular glove of Darth Vader, so the Prophet of the Dark Side would give him his "dark blessing" and proclaim him Palpatine's rightful heir.

There is a scene where Trioculus marries a robotic duplicate of Princess Leia in an Imperial wedding officiated by Grand Moff Hissa, who reads from a Dark Side Bible he obtained from the Church of the Dark Side. The robot Leia shoots him with her laser eyes.

go on

I remember those two made-for-TV Ewok movies, they were pretty disturbing for Ewok-themed "kid" movies, lots of characters died.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2015 23:40

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 07:33

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Wheat Loaf posted:

Grand Moff Hissa there is in a Professor X hover chair because his legs got eaten or melted or something when he and Trioculus decided to take a break from their hunt for the glove of Darth Vader so they could go and poach endangered wildlife on a planet they happened to be passing.

Right. So, the thing that really kicked off the EU in the 1990s was Tim Zahn's Heir to the Empire / Thrawn trilogy. However, the man who probably had the biggest impact on what the EU looked liked in the decade was a guy called Kevin J. Anderson, who wrote several novels and comics but also had a fair amount of influence as an editor and contributor to the reference books that defined a lot of the EU at a time when it was the only new Star Wars there was.

One of his most notorious novels, in many ways the apotheosis of every clich� about the Star Wars EU in the Bantam Spectra era, was Darksaber. Yes. Darksaber. In this novel, we meet Durga the Hutt. He schemes to steal the Death Star plans and build his own superweapon in the asteroid field from ESB - the Darksaber. Because it's shaped like a giant lighsaber. Except he's evil, so it's called the Darksaber. When the New Republic finds out, they send a strike team commanded by General Crix Madine (one of the officers who briefed the Rebels on the planned attack on the Death Star in ROTJ) to investigate and sabotage the station. He is captured and shot dead (he is, in fact, the first named movie character to be killed off in an EU story). Only it's a massive shaggy dog story because the space jellyfish Durga is using to build the thing are incompetent, and as soon as he tries to pilot it out of the asteroid field the main gun fails and it gets smashed to pieces. All this happens independently of anything the heroes actually do.

Meanwhile, Luke is accompanying his girlfriend du jour, Callista (who is the disembodied mind of an Old Republic Jedi that Luke fell in love with while she was trapped in the computer core of another Imperial superweapon called the Eye of Palpatine for 30 years reincarnated in the body of one of Luke's Jedi students) to locations ~~from the movies~~ where he felt a strong connection to the Force to help her re-establish her own lost Force sensitivity. He takes her to Hoth, where he escaped the wampa cave and saw Obi-Wan's spirit telling him to go and train with Yoda, when they find a party there to hunt wampas. Suddenly, they're attacked by a massive horde of wampas, who are under the command of the one Luke dismembered back in Episode V, which has apparently been waiting all this time to take revenge.

There's a third plot where one of Anderson's other recurring characters, Admiral Daala (Grand Moff Tarkin's ex-girlfriend, who is supposed to be a military genius but is actually brain-damaged) tries to use her fleet to attack Luke's Jedi academy, only for his students to use some kind of Force amplifying technique to Force push a dozen orbiting star destroyers to the far side of the system. There's some other stuff but it's pretty dull by comparison.

And people wonder why Disney wanted rid of this stuff.

I read those books! I was a child.

I remember Admiral Daala. She was on the cover.

She purty.

You know who was space-Namor? Xizor. I... just got the name. Just now.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2015 04:07

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Darth Traya best Darth 24/7 :dealwithit:

# ¿ Dec 18, 2015 06:51

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Lurdiak posted:

Isn't she the one who's entire gimmick is saying "Star Wars' basic concepts suck and if you believe in them you're stupid"?

Haha, no. That's not what she was saying at all.

Okay, it's like this. Traya is Sith Yoda. No matter what you choose to do, she tries to make you feel bad about it. And how do most people react when they're constantly needled by Sith Gramma? They get angry. A Sith's power comes from emotion, and anger is the quickest way to get results, as Yoda said. Kreia doesn't care what you believe, as long as you do it with passion. That is the only way you can save the galaxy from the REAL threat, the MMO Meanace hey dawg I heard you like MMOs and Star Wars right so we put a Star War in your MMO so you can Star War while you MMO. :v:

*

Uh, getting back on track...

No matter what you do in KOTOR 2 Darth Traya wins, because at that point you (the player) are, as a result of her training, a powerful Sith who does what they want and doesn't give a crap what anyone else thinks about it. She only cares about results, not your precious feels, and now your guy gets results instead of (just) feeling sad about murdering a planet.

I mean, from a certain point of view.

CharlestheHammer posted:

Kreia is the only good Sith, besides the Emperor.

This guy. This guy gets it.

Discendo Vox posted:

Thrawn was good. Keep Thrawn.

Yeah he was pretty good.

BizarroAzrael posted:

Small note: Pellaeon was cool too, as an old-school military man, and goes from Old Republic to Empire to I believe the New Republic. His sympathetic portrayal seems worthwhile since it's silly to just say something as big as The Empire is a structure only of outright evil people. He has beliefs and responsibilities that make him Imperial, but he's pragmatic and free-thinking enough (possibly some of Thrawn's influence) to not want to repeat old mistakes.

Yeah. He was all right too.

*I hate it when they ruin a perfectly good single player game series by turning it into an MMO. it all started with Ultima... not virtuous, EA. Not virtuous.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2015 14:03

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

twistedmentat posted:

TFA one explains why Kylo Ren's Lightsaber has those vents on it,its actually a very ancient lightsaber from before they were perfected.

Is Snoke a holocron? Probably not, but stupider things have happened.

# ¿ Dec 25, 2015 19:24

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Yeah I have nothing but good feelings about Poe.

Did you know he's the Resistance's greatest pilot?

# ¿ Dec 26, 2015 08:03

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Zeroisanumber posted:

I'm OK with that. I like that the majority of the cast are new characters and that the Rebellion era is semi-legendary and clouded in myth.

So, is the First Order like North Korea or what.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2015 04:19

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

boom boom boom posted:

In the Prequels they couldn't just fire up the ol' clone vats in the basement, they had to contract the job out to a specific clone making planet. So maybe cloning technology isn't very widespread or easy to do. If you don't have the experts from the clone planet half your clones end up Cronenbergs.

You mean, Clonenbergs. :v:

# ¿ Dec 31, 2015 22:30

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

ImpAtom posted:

That is because Shades of Grey don't really fit what the Force is.

It's a religion. Like this isn't subtext it is stated text. It's a religion that gives you magical powers and some people continue to obey their god and others go "I can shoot lightning, gently caress that fucker" and the nature of the religion is not one where God directly smites you for doing that. All the 'but what if there are shades of grey" stuff is just a thinly-veiled attempt to have the cake of having superpowers without the obligation of following the rules behind them. It's the same mindset that gives you people who want to play paladins but attempt to rules lawyer their way out of having to follow the rules behind them.

(Not saying you in particular are saying that, just that it is what tends to motivate the 'grey Jedi" stuff.)

Kreia was an advocate for these Grey Jedi, which is pretty much what you end up as in KOTOR II no matter what you choose.

In other words, Grey Jedi are Sith who aren't cartoonishly evil. Space Protestants, or something to that effect.

# ¿ Jan 6, 2016 20:20

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Kreia Was Right.

She was also evil and manipulative and a horrible person.

The "answer lies in the middle" is a tired trope that people get mad about a lot. Kreia only cared about results, and did what she felt the situation required.

People aren't always completely consistent, as much as we'd often like to believe we are. The Jedi fail at their rules constantly in the movies, and as pointed out earlier, Luke wins when he stops trying to do what the Jedi advise him to. (He also gets his hand chopped off but you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette.) This kind of clashes with Lucasian Force stuff, but I think we may see more grey areas in the new movies. Ren is not completely evil, for instance. He's trying really hard to be, but it's so hard. :qq:

Seriously, though. We will probably be seeing more grey areas as people other than Lucas steer the franchise. It will be interesting to see.

boom boom boom posted:

That's doesn't bode well for the odds of Marvel doing comics that aren't about major movie characters in the future.

I find Marvel's lack of faith... disturbing.

That's a real shame. I hope they at least make some compelling miniseries in that timeframe. Better storytelling options that way I think.

# ¿ Jan 8, 2016 01:02

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

SirDan3k posted:

That wasn't about some bulshit Grey Jedi path or whatever it was about Luke finding the right way to the Force without letting established dogma cloud his path.

It's the fresh eyes of youth seeing the failing of the old ways, it's a story of a young man rejecting the establishment and finding the true path to ~~filmaking~~ the Force.

Yes. Correct. I'm sort of meandering a bit and talking about more than one thing, sorry for the confusion.

# ¿ Jan 8, 2016 08:30

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

You are all correct... from a certain point of view.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2016 05:59

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

/\/\/\ You almost get the feelings that Poe is Not-Wedge.

Endless Mike posted:

Wow the greatest X-Wing pilot in the Resistance! He's so great and just the best pilot!

Also: he is the best pilot.

# ¿ Jan 14, 2016 22:52

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Why would Jabba want to extort a moisture farmer?

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 22:40

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Wheat Loaf posted:

They're showing up fine for me.

But seriously, uploading all those images was a chore so I probably won't do this for Boba Fett: Enemy of the Empire as I had planned. In fact, I should've done that one instead, because there's only three issues of it.

The Awful App makes uploading pictures quick and easy... when the feature isn't broken.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2016 23:53

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Well, you don't get to be the best pilot in the Resistance overnight! There's a story there.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2016 20:07

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

I didn't recognize Threepio in the new movie.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2016 13:17

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Rirse posted:

So everyone jokes about the new arm for C3P0 being like Punished Snake in MGS5, but it actually more like Ocelot arm in MGS2

"Oh dear, Mistress Leia, I appear to live on..."

*cocks head to the side*

"through this arm."

:crossarms:

# ¿ Apr 13, 2016 17:58

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Nystral posted:

Best Droid is evil 3P0 aka 000 and a close second is evil R2D2 aka BT-1.

The 3P0 book raises some points like how looms droids last and how often they are wiped and reinstalled with the latest DroidOS. But it does a neat job to explain how a minor character across the prequels is useless for background info in the original trilogy.

That's been a thing in Star Wars since the original movie; Owen wants Luke to wipe Artoo because he's (she? It?) too uppity.

It's good that they spelled it out here again for those who didn't know.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2016 09:59

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

The evil robot could live on, though that arm.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 18:38

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

I was reasonably sure there was a female Bothan in TFA. She gets one line during the ~~Rebel~~Resistance assault. Totally covered in orangeish fur, kind of a horsey dog face?

Could be wrong, but I think she was a Bothan.

# ¿ Sep 24, 2016 07:29

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

I haven't read the new one since I'm on Marvel Unlimited, but maybe Dr. Aphra is a different person when she's not under pressure from Lord Vader? A stab in the dark, probably wrong.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2017 21:01

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Decius posted:

With all the story stuff around Luke in Episode 8/9 completely up in the air I understand why they would stay away from any potential relationship stuff with him and any woman (or man, droid or Wookie).

Also I don't really need a clear explanation if Aphra is bi, gay or omnisexual. She likes women, maybe also other genders/races/whatever, maybe not. If it doesn't matter for the story I rather not seen it brought up. Not everything needs a clear definition to be put up on Wookiepedia.

Bro, do you even fandom?

# ¿ May 15, 2017 22:19

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Endless Mike posted:

Fun fact: Poe was actually meant to die in TFA (which is to say he would not have come back from the TIE fighter crash), but they liked Oscar Isaac's performance so much they wrote Poe back into the movie.

So his character is canonically "charismatic good guy idiot who should be dead," huh?

# ¿ Mar 7, 2018 00:41

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Jerkface posted:

no man they're dead and now my CD is worth more money

That's not what those songs are called! One is "Mad About Me" and I forget the other one.

I, uh, read that one book about what everyone in the cantina was doing that day.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2018 16:13

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Vader built his secret castle on a Native Mustafarian burial grounds.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2018 17:37

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Hopefully they can start to tell totally original stories now.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2020 19:02

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

This checks out.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2021 16:57

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 07:33

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Woebin posted:

I don't know who Ming-Na Wen is, but there was never a dead body shown for any of the others. If there's no body, you can always say they weren't dead - this happens all the time in serialized stories.

Ming-Na is the name of the actress who plays Boba Fett's new buddy on the Mandalorian. She also died on that show before Fett found her and either patched her up or resuscitated her. I just thought she was in a very bad way when Mando moved on.

# ¿ Jun 3, 2021 00:36

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > STAR WARS -- I Am Altering The Canon. Pray I Don't Alter It Any Further