What it's like coming out and being openly a Wizard.

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Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

I hear you turn non-wizards into frogs is this true?

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 15:12

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 00:50

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Glaucus atlanticus posted:

What about the rogues??? Are we not even worth a mention? (And don't even try to tell me that we're included under "regular fighters" you classist bigot.)

If rogues are a separate class from fighters, then I suppose playing "outfield" should be considered a separate sport from "baseball" :rolleyes:

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 15:53

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

A rogue is just a cowardly fighter, IMO. I'm sorry if being a fighter isn't special snowflake enough for you but that's what you are. Stabbing someone from the shadows is still stabbing them. Don't make up a special class for it just because you lack the upper body strength to wield a sword.
Seriously you guys are worse than rangers. At least they make a pretense toward different tactics and fighting style (but in the end they're still just fighters).

I think the issue being ignored here is Paladin Erasure. Paladins like me aren't acknowledged by either the main magic user community or the fighter community. Nobody wants to touch us but we're here and we're proud, dammit!

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:00

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Gridlocked posted:

Are Psionics allowed?

How many OCs do you have on Psiaffinity?
Psionics are the rogues of the magic user community IMO. "I use magic but I use different magic treat me special."

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:17

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Jukeboxblues posted:

Oh god, here we go.

Look, you Paladins are all the same. Talking down to everyone all the time, letting us know we are sinners or whatever. You're all so god damned righteous about everything you do. "What the hell are you doing? Don't experiment on those children!" oh yeah, like you never had to do some things for the greater good. You're all living in this fantasy world where we should all just do the right thing. Well guess what buddy, some of us might enjoy killing homeless people. Maybe we think we are doing the world a favor, trying out different experiments on them to see how far we can push the human body. Oh I don't hear you complaining when we come up with straight swords +2 with bonus damage against the undead, but heaven forbid we also summon an eldritch horror that destroys a country. There is just no pleasing you lot!

Ugh, typical. I suppose next you're going to tell everyone about how anyone who identifies as "Lawful Good" is kidding himself.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:22

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

It's not a sustainable alignment.

Eventually your dogmatic lock step is going to lead you into a catch-22 and you're going to go full evil. History has so many examples of Paladins turning from the light, because some bitch boy rogue, with a bluff skill in the low triple digits, talks your rear end into killing orphans to save the rest of the town from plague.

This. This is my biggest pet peeve with society's treatment of paladins. We're rarely acknowledged in the media and when we are, it's only to portray us as overly dogmatic puritans who are perpetually one bad encounter away from becoming the next Arthas.
Just because you read it on TVTropes doesn't mean it's true.
Most paladins go their whole lives without bathing a whole village in the cleansing purity of holy fire, but no-one wants to talk about them.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:38

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Jukeboxblues posted:

Just want to say that before I write anything else everything I say does not directly reflect the views of WCDM's and is purely my own opinion. Welp, here we go!

Weird how often I read/hear this sentence immediately before every single WCDM launches into the same diatribe.
And before you say anything, "killing people to drive out the evil within them because I want a world without evil" is not the same as "killing people to get sweet loot because I want loot" and if you can't see the difference then you are the immature one.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:47

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

The ignorance is disgusting.
You know the other day I had someone tell me I "wasn't really a paladin" just because I put all my skill points into fighting abilities and only occasionally experiment with magic. As if that means I don't still feel the invisible pull of the ley lines beneath my feet or appreciate the arc of a big, glistening ice blast as it freezes a target solid.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:51

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Rutibex posted:

whats wrong with killing people? their souls just go to their plane of alignment, where they get to chill and be immortal with people of the same ideology. it's not immoral to kill anyone, heck you can just cast planeshift and go see them any time you want

By that logic maybe you should just kill yourself right now.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:53

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Jukeboxblues posted:

Um, obviously they are evil if they have the sweet loot that I want??? You lot are nothing more than Divine Justice Fighters. I bet if my 'god' was telling me this dude was evil it would be okay, huh?

Uh yes? Doy? Where do you think the word "good" even comes from? It's etymologically rooted in the word 'God" so yes, if God says it's okay, then something is by definition okay.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 16:56

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

TEAYCHES posted:

thank you for your service applewhite

It is my honor and duty :patriot:

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:02

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Jukeboxblues posted:

Whose to say that your god isn't being tricked by another god? You know there are a heap of trickster gods out there that have fooled a heap of gods into doing really dumb poo poo like RELEASING A COLOSSUS ON A TOWN that did nothing wrong! You're nothing more than a fleshy automaton doing what you're told when you're told.

No, like most people, you're confusing us with Lawful Neutral. The Good part of Lawful Good means we have to rely on our own moral judgment. It's true we get our inspiration from the divine, but most divine beings communicate on a level beyond mortal understanding, so we must rely on our own moral character to fill in the gaps.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:06

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

Just be a prissy fighter FFS

Man gently caress you. Again, just because I put all my skill points into fighting abilities and only occasionally experiment with spellcasting doesn't make my any less of a paladin than someone who devotes equal time to both divine magic and fighting, or a paladin who uses magic almost exclusively and carries his warhammer just in case.
I'm a paladin with a tank specialty but I'm still a paladin.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:13

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

TEAYCHES posted:

people dont choose to have an affinity for magic, they are born that way. look im not saying they deserve equal cross-classing rights or anything, im not chaotic, but bigots like you are why wizard kids have such a high suicide rate

I suppose the high suicide rate has nothing to do with communing with the demons of madness or anything :rolleyes:

look I'm not saying being magic is inherently immoral. Obviously I'm a paladin myself, but doesn't anybody stop and think that maybe magic culture might be at least partially responsible for the severe emotional and psychological problems that plague the magical community? There is such a thing as evil magic and I have to deal with it every day. Magic parents who don't teach their children to use light magic exclusively run the risk of inviting unholy entities into their souls.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:18

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

So if Applewhite the Paladin of Tautology doesn't approve of it, it's inherently evil?

I don't make the rules, I just obey and enforce them. Whether your actions are good or evil is a judgment that awaits you on a higher plane.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:24

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

TEAYCHES posted:

its pretty clear that applewhite just isnt comfortable with his own magical side. this is the kind of attitude where he will condemn other people for it but you know hes in the latrines secretly casting grease on his buddys hole

I'm very comfortable with my magical side and I use exactly as much magic as I want to, thx.

Jukeboxblues posted:

Wow. This is exactly why people don't want to include Paladins in their groups. Yes, there are some groups out there that use magic badly, but compared to the amount of people that use it for non-evil purposes its such a small percentage. Maybe the suicide rates are so high because of bullies like you.

Every well balanced party contains at least one magic user=WCDM are bullied

People don't want to include paladins in their groups=Paladins must be the real bullies

Hurr durr Wizard logic :derp:

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:27

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Rutibex posted:

your god gives you those spells for a reason, if you dont cast them its like spitting in his eye every day

God gave me both spells and physical strength and I use both in the way that I feel best serves His divine will. Physical strength is what I'm most familiar with and what I wield most effectively. I can still cast Turn Undead with the best of them when the situation gets tight.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:38

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

The Ghoul posted:

Just chiming in to share my own experience as coming out as a wizard...

When I was young I always thought I was kind of different from the other kids. When I played with my friends I never really enjoyed being a fighter or a rogue and thought there was something wrong with me. One day while I was picking radishes in my parents garden I saw a kindly old man throwing arcs of blue lightning at a group of nearby children and I was completely frozen in awe. I asked him what he was doing and he agreed to take me to his tower and teach me his secrets.

After several weeks of thrusting his throbbing wisdom into my tender young mind I had learned so much about wizardry and even knew a few spells. I was so excited I immediately ran home to show my father what I had learned. When I entered the farm house I found him drunk in front of the fireplace. He began screaming at me about where I had been, and I told him that I had seen a Wizard and was his new apprentice. He grew even angrier and began beating me, saying that no son of his would be a wizard, and what would my mother think? Unfortunately, I had no way of asking her since she had died in a Owlbear attack many years before I had been born. I barely slept that night in fear of what my father would do to me when he sobered up and I could not possibly imagine what would happen next.

I was awakened when my door was kicked down and I was torn from my bed by two giant fighters. I kicked and I screamed but they threw me into the back of a worn down cart with several other scared looking children. I began to cry out and I was hit in the head with a hilt of a sword and blacked out. Several hours later I came to when we reached our destination. I found out that we had been taken to a Fighter Training Camp called "Walk Away from Wizardry". Everyone here was to have their interest in magic beaten out of them.

It was a long summer at camp. Every day we were to run a dungeon with only a sword - If anyone dared to throw a magic missile or a lightning bolt they were beaten mercilessly and thrown in a cell for a few hours. By the end of it, I was an adept fighter and no longer had any longing to play with spellcasting like I had in my youth.

I've never really spoken to my friends about my past dealing with wizardry because it's a tough subject for me. I am ashamed of what I used to be and afraid of what they would think.
I took the time to tell my story here, because I am urging OP to get help with his problem. Magic classes are not natural and only lead to evil unless they are strictly controlled. I flirted with magic once, and I now know where that path would have taken me... Brewing orgies, mage bars, herb fueled casting sessions through all hours of the night... It's... disgusting!

OP, please seek out help to overcome your problem. Being a wizard is not something you should embrace. Although it was hard at the time, I appreciate what my father and the Walk Away from Wizardry organization have done for me. I am now a very successful and respected paladin and what little magic I know is only for healing and helping people.

I hope my story has been an inspiration for you to find your true self and not be swept up in magic fads.

lol how much you wanna bet this guy has a long, flowing beard and a twinkle in his eye. I dunno what it is but "cured" wizards always look even more wizardly than open wizards.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:43

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

The Ghoul posted:

I would expect more support from a fellow paladin. I do not have a flowing beard and I try very hard to not have myself associated with magic culture.
Perhaps the other users in this thread are right, while I do not think that paladins in general are bullies, maybe it is you, Applewhite, who are the bully.

We may not have to like the company of Wizards, Mages and Clerics, but it is not our place to judge and harass them for the decisions they make.

I missed the part where you said you were a paladin. I thought you'd turned away from all magic forever, and the people who do that (or claim they've done that) are only fooling themselves. Self-hating wizards are worse than bigoted fighters, imo.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 17:52

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

The Ghoul posted:

I would expect more support from a fellow paladin. I do not have a flowing beard and I try very hard to not have myself associated with magic culture.
Perhaps the other users in this thread are right, while I do not think that paladins in general are bullies, maybe it is you, Applewhite, who are the bully.

We may not have to like the company of Wizards, Mages and Clerics, but it is not our place to judge and harass them for the decisions they make.

I want to follow up by saying that I'm very much against those kinds of camps. It's no surprise to me that their most prominent "successes" end up as paladins, since paladins are the only class from whom using magic really is a choice. Most of the time the victims of these backwards camps just end up as self-hating wizards that keep all their mana bottled up inside until it explodes in a display of dark magic or they kill themselves because of the constant whispers of the dark ones in their heads.
If you are a magic user then there's nothing you can do about it except learn to wield magic righteously. You can't keep it bottled up forever and without guidance you will only end up using magic in an unhealthy way.
That is why I thank the LORD every day for His divine presence and guidance in helping me to use magic responsibly.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:08

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

Change wizard to paladin and this is the same argument you.......

You were sent to one of those camps, weren't you?

I attended a training camp where I was taught to discipline my body as well as properly utilize my natural mana reserves, yes.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:12

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Jukeboxblues posted:

loving bards. I bet you feel 'cultured' because you know an orc? That you can relate to his oppression because you can make a lovely song vaguely related to it.

I bet if you heard the song without knowing whether it was written by a "real" orc or a human bard it would still buff your stats.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:16

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Quote-Unquote posted:

Fed up of fascist wizards getting their wands out and zapping unarmed orcs in the street. Then everyone on the lawful good wing starts harping on about how the orc was no angel and posting hateful memes on the tavern notice board.

If the orc wasn't doing anything wrong then why did he use flee?

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:21

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

Did somebody Feeblemind you? It's the only explanation, beyond "LOL Paladins"

I'm just saying that everyone else manages to act with respect when they encounter an adventuring party, but somehow it's always "innocent" orcs who can't figure it out.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:25

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

True Orc encounter story:
My betrothed and I were coming home from a nice Lembas restaurant (she's half elvish) and we decided to take a shortcut through an alley that we had used many times before. I know it raises your risk of random encounters to travel through areas with low light levels but it cuts five minutes off our route. Besides, towns are supposed to be safe areas.
But not that night, it seemed. We'd barely made it halfway through the alley when a gang of orcs stepped out of the shadows and started making lewd comments about my betrothed. When I objected, the called me "lawful stupid" and spit on me!
They were just lucky I had to check my weapon at the town gate or they would have been in real trouble. As it was, we kept walking while they hurled racist and classist insults at our backs. I was mortified and Lethaniele wouldn't stop shaking even hours after we'd made it home safely.
From what I've heard from others, this is a fairly common orc encounter story.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:40

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

tater_salad posted:

Here's the deal.. wizards aren't adventurers they aren't dungeoneers they pretend to be and want to fit in but they cant they get beat up in the loot room because of who they are.

Ohh.. I can't do my silly dancing with all those muscles or plate armor but I can conjure lightning and elementals.

Ooooo save me from a big monster while I spend 30 min dancing in lights and crap.

So theatrical so dramatic.. they are all frustrated bards who didn't get into a real group and now they show how edgy they are by wizarding in public and playing with elements or telporting.

You're ignoring all the high level wizards who've done so much for the kingdom. The Wyvern of the Black Hills was slewn by a wizard, not a fighter or a paladin. And he soloed it, no less!
I think that wizardry has largely benefitted from coming out of the shadows. It's when wizards are made to hide behind secret doors and practice their arts without supervision that they become truly corrupt. It's better they ply their craft in the daylight where we can keep an eye on them.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 18:45

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

What's up with enchantresses? Whenever they catch a man ogling them they curse him into being blind or a frog or something as punishment, but they go around dressed up in outfits with necklines that plunge down past their bellybutton. How do they expect men to react to that kind of provocative attire?

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 19:38

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

tater_salad posted:

Only a wizard wouldn't want to see that... it's well worth the blindness to catch a glimpse at that. But in reality most enchantresses are elephantine and ugly wearing frocks and playing Ballard ball after their work is over.

That's what glamour spells are for :sparkles:

# ¿ Sep 21, 2015 19:46

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Nessa posted:

Another Paladin here. It took me years to accept my love of magic. I used to think I only liked magic because it was considered "wrong". But no, I really do like magic. And I like fighting too! I'm tired of people telling me to "pick a real class". It's possible to like both!

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 01:56

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Blizzy_Cow posted:

Guys I have a serious problem. Whay class should I go with? I like hitting things with swords but I also like to set things on fire and throw lightening around but I dont wanna be some loser paladin.

Ahem! Paladin is not a "loser" class. We are strong and confident. We wield magic and blade for the sake of good and the protection of the innocent. There can be no higher calling.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 13:22

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

What do you call a fighter too cowardly and weak to face his enemy in the daylight?
A: a rogue.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 14:08

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Fart Puzzle posted:

Big talk coming from a paladin who sneaks his way to the halfling whoreshacks in the dead of night.

Paladins don't sneak you must be thinking of a rogue.

Blizzy_Cow posted:

AW mad jelly of a touges ability to be fast as gently caress and not be encumbered by lame rear end armour

It's not an encumbrance if you have upper body strength.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 14:43

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Blizzy_Cow posted:

Whats that gonna do when a wizard turns your armour red hot and cooks you alive homie

I have magic, too and I would cast a cooling spell.
Plus my armor is blessed with runes.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 14:48

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

I saw a skeleton at the shop the other day and the only thing I could think was "gurrrrl, you need to eat a sandwich or something."

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 15:06

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Gridlocked posted:

Hey guys my Psionic died

I believe in re-rolling though and have re-rolled as a Witch. The problem is I am a guy. How do I come out to my party as a male Witch?

I wanna do it on my terms because I'm worried at some point soon they will notice I am using Hex's not just normal daily spell casts.

A male witch is called a warlock and there are lots of them. Don't sweat it. If your party loves you they will understand.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 16:41

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Time_pants posted:

Typical. Just typical. Just like a wizard to talk about how "hard' it is being a Wizard. How society shuns him for being "different."

Get over yourself, dude. Being an Arcane caster has been socially acceptable for over a decade. Do you have any idea how hard it is being a Druid in 2015? Of course you don't. You're too busy locked in your literal ivory tower pouring over scrolls or bat guano or whatever it is you people use for casting reagents these days. Oh, how brave of you to come out as being a Wizard! Boy, I bet it took a lot of courage to tell your parents that you love reading spellbooks. Ever try and explain to your dad that you want to transition into being a Dire Wolf? Do you have any idea how that conversation goes?

You Wizards have such a persecution complex, as if the entire world is out to get you, when, in fact, they're only out to get a couple of you.

You know it depends a lot on where you grow up. Yes up in the frozen north being a wizard is usually no big deal. And big cities anywhere are more cosmopolitan. Wizards who are born into the barbaric wilds of the Southron kingdoms still have to hide who they are lest they face persecution or worse at the hands of ignorant savages and beast-men.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 17:57

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Time_pants posted:

BEAST-MEN?! BARBARIC WILDS?!

Buddy, you've got a lot of nerve. First of all, they're called Lycanthropes, and I'll thank you very much not to use the B-word again when referring to them. Secondly, they're not "barbaric wilds." It's called a "forest." Do Barbarians inhabit it? Yes. But so do squirrels. So I guess we should go around calling them "squirrelic wilds?" No, of course not, that's asinine. You know, you city-dwellers are all alike. If it doesn't have four walls and a roof, it must be chaos and disorder!

I can't believe I even waste my time trying to explain this. I have enough trouble trying to land a date with a nice nymph or dryad, who all say they want a "nice guy," but at the waxing of the Green Moon, who do they all go home with? Chadwicke the Ranger, naturally. He's not a nice guy, ladies! You know he'll be gone before sunrise. He didn't put all those skill points into Hide and Move Silently because he's into pillow talk.

A lycanthrope shifts between a fully human form and an animal (typically wolf) form. a beast man is the unholy fusion of man and beast, usually brought about through a combination of grain alcohol and sex with farm animals.
A werewolf is a lycanthrope, a minotaur is a beast-man.
Now who's ignorant? Oh, it's you.
Don't let your fedora hit you on the way out.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 18:13

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Quote-Unquote posted:

Two days ago (sunday night) I cried myself to sleep. This sorceress (I will refer to her as S'arahq) I have been obsessed with since 3rd grade threw a levelling up party on saturday, it was a pretty casual house party, so people brought friends along, of course I was not invited (no sorceress would ever invite me to a party), but my friend asked me to come along, and of course I jumped at the opportuinity.

Around an hour into the party, it happened that me and S'arahq were alone in the kitchen while others danced and talked in the banquet hall. I was there to get a drink, and when I came in and saw her by the pantry, a deep shocking, sinking feeling almost paralysed me with fear, as I just stood there staring at her for about 5 seconds (I am absolutely TERRIFIED of females, especially S'arahq, I had no idea she would be in there alone). When she looked at me I quickly glanced away in shame. After about 10 awkward seconds of me staring at the floor and her standing there awkwardly, she finally spoke.

"Uh, hi, you're frank, right?"
"No. Francis of Neverwinter."
"Oh, but it's frank for short, right?"
"No."
"Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else."

I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Want a drink?"
"Yeah. Thanks.

She handed me a beer.

"I'M A LOW CONSTITUTION CHARACTER!!"

I just tried to tell her I was low constitution (and therefore didn't drink), but I was so nervous when she approached me physically that it came out in what sounded like a confontational shout which totally wasn't what I intended.

"Sorry, uh there's an apple juice if you like"
"I don't drink fruit juices, they are carginogens."
"Oh.."

I couldn't stand the fear of being near her any more, so I scurried away and (again in that nervous shout) blurted out "CONGRATS ON LEVELLING UP" and heard her say "thanks" as I walked back into the living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom where I literally collapsed and started shivering on the floor with fear, tears came from my eyes. After about 5 minutes of just lying there I composed myself and went downstairs again. For the rest of the party I pretty much avoided her and talked with some people I knew.

When me and my friend got back home to my house and polymorphed a few mice for about half an hour, he left and I said bye. It was at this point I realised he had left his megascope crystal. As I was about to call him to tell him, it suddenly struck me that he probably had S'arahq's aether address on his crystal. I literally sat there for 45 minutes shivering with both anticipation and fear as I saw the crystal active in my megascope, begging me to communicate with her.

Simple. I'd just contact her, apologise for the awkwardness and ask her if she wanted to get a potion some time. The only problem was this was about the scariest thing imaginable. I felt my body ache with fear as I tried to activate the communication device several times but was too scared. I got a disconnecting feeling as if none of this was actually happening to me, like maybe it was all a dream. When I finally got the courage to activate it, my heart raced as I heard the magical tone.

"Hello?"
"Hey, sorry about earlier, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for potions some time ?(WHAT THE gently caress was I thinking??)"
"Sorry, who is this?"

I (stupidly) hadn't anticipated she would ask who it was. the question caught me totally off guard. I thought of just saying my name, or giving a fake name, or shouting out "your worst loving nightmare", or avoiding the question, and a host of other ideas over the course of about 5 seconds. I was too stunned to even reply.

Another 5 seconds of silence.

"Are you still there?"
"Yeah...sorry, I.. it's"
"Oh, Francis of Neverwinter right?
I was silent again
"Sorry yeah, I - I'm pretty busy lately but maybe- uh I'll summon you another time if i get time to go out uh (I could regognize that she had no intention of summoning me), what's your aether?"
I gave her my aether address.
"Ok, well bye!"
"Bye."

As I hung up and put the phone down, the realization of what had just happened hit me like a wrecking ball, I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep with exaustion. About 5 minutes later I get a message on my megascope.

"Hello?"
A male voice.
"Is this francis of Neverwinter?"
"Yeah uh who is this?"
"I'm just calling to give you a friendly warning, stay away from S'arahq, okay? She's my concubine, and she has no interest in you whatsoever, you're a creep."

The realization and jealousy that she had a barbarian boyfriend, coupled with the shock and unexpectedness of this conversation filled me with rage.

"gently caress YOU YOU MOTHER F-ORC FUNK" I stuttered incomprehensibly with rage.
"Man you're hosed up in the head aren't you. I'm WARNING you, stay away."

He hung up.

I literally let out a massive scream of both sadness jealousy anger and fear that gripped my entire body. I went to bed and got about 2 hours of sleep.

The next (sunday) morning, I got up feeling like absolute poo poo. As I always do to when I feel terrible, I force myself to walk outside, go to the marketplace (5 min walk) where there are lots of people, and buy something or run into someone I know. I couldn't find anyone I knew, so I bought a decoction and walked out the front enterance, where I saw something that made my heart skip.

S'arahq and some barbarian (probably her boyfriend?) walking into the mall. I saw her glance with shock at me and quickly look away trying to make it seem as if she hadn't noticed me. I rushed towards her.

"S'arahq!" I shouted

Her boyfriend turned around with shock and saw me.

"ARE YOU FRANCIS OF NEVERWINTER?" he asked angrily.

I stood there staring.

"Get out of here man, we don't want anything to do with you, understand?"

"gently caress YOU, THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!"

As a rage overcameme me, I rushed forward and threw my decoction as hard as I possibly could at the bastard, totally missing him and tripping over myself in the process. What happened next was the worst feeling I had ever felt.

S'arahq stood there laughing at me. The expression on her beautiful face, half disgust half laughter made me feel terrible like I never imagined I could. I hated her guts at that moment.

"YOU oval office!" I yelled.

Her eyes widened, even the barbarian looked shocked and the three of us stood there staring for maybe 5 seconds.

"YOU MOTHER loving oval office!!" I yelled as I started shooting lightning bolts at her. She made made me feel so terrible it physically hurt in my stomach. I was about to loving attack her. I couldn't believe it. It was like some force was controlling me and like I had no control at all. God loving drat I'm stupid when I'm angry and upset. Before I could reach her, the barbarian grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me to the ground.

"JUST GET OUT OF HERE YOU loving WEIRDO AND BE THANKFUL I DONT loving KILL YOU!!"

I rushed for him with every ounce of anger and strength in my body and groaned as his fist connected with my tummy, winding and incapacitating me. He stared for a second, as if he hadn't expected me to be so easily beaten, before he and S'arahq both ran off in a panic. I knew there was no way I could take him, and that he probably went to go get the watch. These facts, coupled with my crippling social awkwardness and the fact that people all over were staring at me like some kind of freak caused me to run home, totally defeated, clutching my tummy.

That night I considered suicide. My mage lord masters aren't home until next week and I felt an aching loneliness. I never went through with it, but have been left crippled emotionally. I havn't gone to the wizard academy either today or yesterday. My masters will kill me when they get home. I'm a loving failure of a wizard.

Fascinating tale, kinsman

# ¿ Sep 22, 2015 18:52

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 00:50

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Is "Grimoire" pronounce "Grimmory" or "Grimwar"? I've been saying the latter but I've heard the former spoken aloud many times.

# ¿ Sep 23, 2015 17:05

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > What it's like coming out and being openly a Wizard.