Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

Fragmented posted:

You assholes almost had me blacklist any internet star wars discussion. I thought there was an actual script leak or something. So far this sounds like poo poo you would regularly read in magazines and poo poo. Has the main thread gone super "no spoilers!" nerd or what?

Edit: you should rename this thread spoiler speculation because this is pretty weak so far(thankfully)

It was looking like some redacted CIA documentation.

Here's my guess:

* Rey: Some kind of close connection to Ren, possibly Luke's child or something. Some Jedi training, actively rejecting it. Probably comes back to it.
* Finn: Spontaneously woke to his Force-feelin's (perhaps during a Stormtrooper attack? this might be where he Feels The Force and gets bugged out). Runs off, gets on a trajectory to be the Luke-equivalent for the films.
* Ren: Either a guy who ditched out on Luke's school or found other teachings. His "knights of Ren" attacked a bunch of padawans with military support and, shockingly, killed all/most of them. He is probably being encouraged by evil ghosts.
* Poe: Dunno at all, but he seems like he's gonna be more prominent than Wedge was.
* BB-8: Cute as heck
* Leia: Possibly also Jedi-trained at least a little, which would be kind of a cute punchline if she busts out a saber.
* Han: Dead as hell
* Chewie: Possibly dead as hell
* R2: Still a mack
* 3PO: Unchanged

# ¿ Oct 25, 2015 04:40

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 10:11

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Popcorn posted:

Why is is the scary dude's red lightsaber all wibbly-wobbly and jagged? Apart from the fact that he's a scary dude and it represents his unkempt evil etc, is there some Star Wars universe explanation too?

Probably he salvaged it off Dooku or some poo poo and it's all hosed up and he had to jury-rig it. Also, the cross guards probably help his elite katana styles.

# ¿ Oct 25, 2015 06:05

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SaltLick posted:

I always kinda thought the EU was silly for having Luke make some grand resurgence of Jedi.

The dude was a good pilot and a Jedi. That doesn't make him a leader or capable teacher. Luke is the ultimate Dunning Kruger example if he tried to make an academy

I don't think he was typically portrayed as super successful. He managed to keep the tradition alive and made it so there were other Jedi, some of whom were presumably more competent at administration than him. It probably helped that the New Republic would want to throw money at Luke Skywalker, who destroyed a Death Star, and whose sister turns out to be a princess whose planet was the #1 example of Imperial atrocity.

But like he had students falling to the Dark Side and poo poo-talking him all the time. I remember one of his common motivations to be doing something during an EU novel would be "I'm trying to find some old Jedi lore or something because Obi-Wan didn't even have a loving textbook."

# ¿ Oct 27, 2015 10:19

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Electromax posted:

It's also the plot of the videogame Metal Gear Solid 2 ("by recreating these precise events, we can recreate the person...").

I don't think it has to be funny, though - if he is obsessed with Vader (seems confirmed) then it's plausible he'd be obsessed with succeeding where he failed, turning a pure heart to the dark side or whatever. He'll presumably need an apprentice sooner or later. But it seems pretty unlikely.

Doesn't he have his "knights of Ren"? My guess is he is either running with an associate's degree in padawan studies from Luke University or pieced poo poo together from old records and evil ghosts.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2015 21:55

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WebDog posted:

I can't imagine Solo getting killed given he's slated to reprise his role in Episode VIII and IX. But then again it's Star Wars - so force ghost or hologram theories ahoy.

http://www.theonion.com/article/harrison-ford-begs-agents-to-just-let-him-die-now-34408

# ¿ Oct 30, 2015 04:35

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Maybe Luke knocked boots with Captain Phasma. He is used to people remarking on his lack of height...

# ¿ Nov 8, 2015 02:58

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Al Cu Ad Solte posted:

Didn't JJ Abraham Lincoln say there wouldn't be any mention of Midichlorines in this one?

Were midichlorians mentioned more than like twice in the movies anyway?

# ¿ Nov 8, 2015 05:04

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Shimrra Jamaane posted:

It's clear that Lucas wanted them to play a much larger role in the overarching story of the prequels but changed his plans due to the unanimous disdain for it. Same thing happened with Jar Jar and why he got smaller roles as the movies went on. Anakin's birth was originally going to be explicitly spelled out as Darth Evil doing magic with the midiclhorians to create a super force baby.

How would they have played a larger role? Like I have a hard time seeing where in the narrative they could have gotten more than a couple of additional name drops, which I suppose Lucas avoided, but I'm just like, where would that fit?

Jar Jar could have spoken more and been more overt but it seems like Lucas's plan (other than the Sith Lord theory of course) was to have him be a senator who basically enables his buddy Palpatine, showing that the System Is In Fact Toxic. Frankly I think that would've made the movies clearer.

As for Anakin I thought that kind of happened anyway, or at least Sheev took it to be.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2015 11:13

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Pata Pata Pata Pon posted:

Sold by "Disney Lucas Films Ltd." I'm sure if it were real, Disney could actually get the name of their $4 billion acquisition right. Anyways, everyone knows Rey, Finn, and Kylo are actually triplets. With three different fathers, somehow.

Possible, but that would have been one wild night for Leia.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2015 22:26

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Mike N Eich posted:

So with each trailer/tv spot its becoming more and more clear that the spoiler of "Finn isn't the force sensitive one, its actually Rey" is at least half bullshit? They wouldn't have so much focus of him with a lightsaber (not just using one out of desperation against Ren, but also looking competent against a stormtrooper) if that were the case.

But who knows. I'm hoping to be surprised, even as I stalk the internet for clues.

Fear of a Black Jedi

# ¿ Nov 23, 2015 04:34

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Baron Bifford posted:

Finn is not a Jedi but a stormtrooper who deserts the First Order when he has a crisis of conscience after a participating in a gruesome raid on Jakku. Rey is a Jakku native and a survivor of that attack.

Well he is not a Jedi yet, duh, he has to get trained. Luke wasn't really a "Jedi" through most of the films either.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2015 22:04

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Wasn't Ford a carpenter originally who kind of stumbled into acting?

# ¿ Nov 29, 2015 10:35

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Groovelord Neato posted:

yes it is. Escobarbarian has it right. so many people never make it and it's really dumb to be a crabby rear end in a top hat about something that got you started or got you big.

Maybe he suggested that Han shoot second. Ever think of that?

# ¿ Nov 29, 2015 18:31

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That is totally Han

# ¿ Dec 2, 2015 07:38

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Neo Rasa posted:

We never see Phasma without her mask and it turns out that she's Padme. In Episode III they TELL US that she died but at that moment Padme ceased to be and she became Phasma. So what we saw in Episode III is true from a certain point of view.

Do Nabooicans grow fourteen inches and become blondes instead of growing wrinkly and gray?

# ¿ Dec 6, 2015 07:33

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ytisomauq posted:

And also the clips we see in some of the trailers. If he isn't a force user, that's a lot of footage of a non-force user with a lightsaber. Compared to the one scene in ESB where Han's uses's the same lightsaber. I'm hopeful he's a force user.

Yeah I think Finn has the talent too. Han only used the lightsaber as a tool and I imagine that is very different from Finn being in, apparently, multiple fights with it - in that one against the trooper he doesn't even seem panicked.

# ¿ Dec 11, 2015 02:36

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That dude is Cartilage Head from Achewood.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2015 05:57

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James Cameron is supposed to be making a live action anime but he decided to go make Avatar 2 and like, explore the bottom of the ocean instead.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2015 21:27

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smoobles posted:

I thought they made a point of showing that Finn's light saber tactics were really clumsy, he was just swinging it around like an idiot and trying to impale people.

Trying to impale people sounds like great tactics to me.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2015 09:39

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Rey could be Dooku's grand-daughter or something. Or Palpatine's love child.

Saw the film and loved it. My favorite was Finn. I feel the ending was a bit weak but it was like an 8/10 portion of a 10/10 movie.

I thought Kylo Ren was a very interesting character. A friend of mine remarked that Ren felt very real, like a school shooter.

I agree that it echoes ANH very closely, but I think they've set it up such that they CAN'T do an ESB homage next time. What would be interesting is if they do an inverted one, where the First Order is embattled and they are only saved by Kylo Ren's arrival, newly trained by Snoke.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2015 12:01

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Handen posted:

I don't understand how all of those planets that got toasted could be THAT visibly close together AND in the goldilocks zone of that star that Starkiller base was using for power AND all on the same orbital side of the star.

And let's talk about Starkiller base imploding INTO its a star itself? I was hoping the reveal would be that they tapped a black hole to sap the neighbouring star's energy, but then Starkiller base doesn't just disappear into nothingness and instead it turns into a tiny star? What? From the hologram that Poe brought up on the resistance projector thing, it didn't look like Starkiller base could have been much larger than our moon, let alone large enough to harbour the kind of mass needed to immediately fuse hydrogen into helium at the moment of its collapse.

Am I just really high here or did I miss some integral detail about the size or Starkiller base? Or am I expecting too much science from an action movie?

I thought the base was just exploding with star stuff, not literally becoming one. Then again they talked like it had sucked up an entire sun in preparation of shooting red death sperms, so who knows.

They said the gun could shoot through hyperspace (though one then wonders how they saw it on the sky on Resistance Base Planet, to which I fear the answer must be "cinema"). What would make sense for those goldilocks planets is if they were actually moons, like Endor. Hell, there's probably more habitable moons than planets.

Handen posted:

Serious question: IS FINN DEAD?

I think the poor guy was just tuckered out, he'd hardly been able to sit down since the start of the movie! I bet you he'll wake up with a vision of some kind though.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2015 12:11

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Lunchmeat Larry posted:

also an idea that makes far, far more sense with the entire concept of the Force being something that flows through all living things and what it takes from Buddhism/Taoism etc etc

If you allow for people having ~~more midichlorians~~ natural talent in some cases I think this is a fair thing. Presumably the Jedi just scouted the top talent, which unfortunately suggested it was binary.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2015 12:16

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I figured the New Republic would probably not be eager to continue having much of a Star War, though I would be surprised if they went back to Old Republic levels of "not having any military poo poo around." At the same time everyone probably just wants to rebuild and try to make up for all their dead relations and blown up planets.

Is the First Order actually the Empire, or is there some zone where Moffs are having grey meetings and thinking the First Order are the weird extremists?

# ¿ Dec 19, 2015 05:17

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I thought the new Death Star was gonna have no exhaust port, which is why they had to do it up on short notice. Of course it was a big trap for the Rebellion, but even so.

# ¿ Dec 19, 2015 08:08

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Chickenwalker posted:

I hate this movie, I hate this thread, and I'm pretty sure I hate this earth for producing so many people who could think this soulless committee-designed retread of a much better movie was actually good.

Now strike Abrams down and take his place by my side!

Doctor Spaceman posted:

She's familiar with the Falcon to the point of knowing specific modifications the owner has done too.

It was a little messy but it seemed like that was the chubby dude doling out self-cooking bread mix used as his personal ride, and presumably she had sold him parts and talked to him about what he was doing with it. I don't think she knew it was the legendary millenium falcon because that freighter type's supposed to be a space truck, Han and Lando just tuned it up like one of those Japanese supertrucks.

You'll notice she thought it was trash, but it was trash that might maybe fly away from a TIE fighter, and thus preferable to fighting one on foot.

Nessus fucked around with this message at 10:31 on Dec 19, 2015

# ¿ Dec 19, 2015 10:24

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As a side note, since I had to sit in line behind people bitching about midichlorians: How often are they actually mentioned in the PT? Like, specifically named. I bet it's like three times, and about ninety seconds, max, of actually delivered lines.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 02:12

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It seems like the Republic is sick of all these Star Wars, so they provide support to this hard core of guys who do elite commando strikes but aren't really backing them up with main force.

I wonder how come the First Order is specifically after the Jedi, though. I mean, Luke is the only one left. Even if he was able to find some middle-aged Padawans who laid low and trained hard, it'd be generations before the Jedi were anything like they used to be. I guess Luke theoretically has the power to be a big swinging dictator, but this seems like it would make the First Order sympathetic to at least a significant segment of the viewer base, and while we may want enemies who can be understood, Star Wars doesn't really seem like a great vehicle for the nuanced exploration of pre-emptive strikes against the supernatural.

So why is Snoke after Luke?

You know, I bet Snoke was one of those trainees too. I bet you it'll turn out that Luke or one of the other Padawans hosed his face up.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 07:58

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Unless they're hoping to get him on their side, it seems like the best thing to do is let him rot. Or, actually, I guess if they know where he is planet-wise they can just blow it up with the Starkiller, huh.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 08:21

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I forget if I posted it already but we're having the same conversation on the prequels so whatever, :petdog:

My guess for Snoke is that he will be some surviving padawan or Jedi washout who hid in a hole, perhaps with dark lore in it, and who emerged to join Luke's school. Luke would probably not be in a position to be choosey, but he probably subverted parts of the student body. Maybe he injured himself while learning how to shoot Force Lightning.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 22:45

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raditts posted:

Then why are the prequel lightsaber battles so lovely and forgettable?

Honestly, I think this is only because there are more of them. The duel of the fates one in TPM stuck out for me, as do several in Revenge of the Sith. AOTC I don't remember any saber fights clearly, but I do remember the visual of dozens of sabers poppin' on Geonosis.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 22:47

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MisterBibs posted:

For you? Same font of which all prequel criticisms are ultimately sourced, no matter how much :word: you use to claim otherwise: you didn't grow up with the prequels.

I don't think this is necessarily true. I think there are two really big arguments about the prequels which, to me, make sense.

One is that they are very different from the OT despite sharing many of the same trappings. Ultimately this is a matter of taste. However, I do not think it is unfair, and I think TFA is definitely reacting to it.

The other is that many elements could have used more work, more refinement. Personally I think it is somewhat unfair - not that the prequels are somehow perfect, but that if you watched any film a bunch of times, especially from a perspective of "this is lovely poo poo that is lovely and poo poo", you would find dozens of nitpicky errors and problems. And if in turn you watched any film a bunch of times from the perspective of "this movie is magical and wonderful," you might notice the same errors, but in a jolly way. Nobody has ever used things like the stormtrooper bonking his head or lightsaber color errors as an argument that the original trilogy was awful amateurish bullshit, indeed the craving is for these things to be returned, when there is a preference at all.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 22:52

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emanresu tnuocca posted:

Haven't watched the prequels in years so this is an interesting watch. The worst part about the Maul fight is the force jumping poo poo.

If you think about it, Luke also did two super jumps in ESB.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 23:00

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Groovelord Neato posted:

they're actually not good movies even if you divorce them for star wars.

Nah. They're OK movies. The original three are better on average, but the PT are, at worst, :mediocre:

Like you may complain about how you don't feel like Obi-wan and Anakin were friends, right? But you can tell that they were trying to go for that, trying to do it a little. In a bad movie you would not even know that much.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 23:02

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cargohills posted:

I'm not sure what makes the Star Wars prequels different to something like The Raid or a John Woo film when it comes to ridiculously impractical fight scenes.

I don't loving get it either, man. Dudes ought to found a church about hating the prequels and save on taxes.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 23:06

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emanresu tnuocca posted:

Anakin and Obiwan ought to die a thousand times regardless of what they do with their lightsabers in that final duel. Why on earth would jump into a river of lava while you're trying to fight someone? And doubly so why would you jump after the dude you're fighting when he jumps into a river of lava?

Yeah, and what's this bullshit "light saber" crap they're using? They should use nothing but mental domination and silenced firearms.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 23:17

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Crow_Robot posted:

I don't believe I've ever read this being a creative decision. I've always thought of it more being a limitation of special effects for its time.

Yeah, I think Lucas himself said that the lightsaber fighters in those films were a crippled cyborg, an old man, and a kid who was trained by that old man.

# ¿ Dec 20, 2015 23:25

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Bip Roberts posted:

Also we, the viewer, don't care about it because basically all the action in Coruscant in the PT blew. It's basically telling us that even if they wanted to they can't bring back the senate motions and politics bullshit.

What would've been really awful is if like, there'd been a scene where the bad guys had a brief conversation about what they're going to do with the superweapon, and why. Especially if, I don't know, the big bad guy with a mask did something threatening and characterful. Like imagine if in ANH, that little bitch Anakin sort of half-assedly choked an admiral and some jerk, like that cameo guy from the end of that lovely movie, told him that's enough. Wouldn't that have just ruined the character? The film? Indeed, the entire franchise?

gently caress all this politics, man. We just need to revere speed, and violence, and the decisive blow.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2015 01:29

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S... J... W.

Snoke... Jedi... War.

My God, Zach. I think we're really onto something here.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2015 02:10

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porfiria posted:

It would have been ok if there were some character reason for Finn to be that way, but I don't think there is. I mean his boss is a lady; I get the impression the Nu Storm Trooper Corps is pretty universally misanthropic.

I think it was meant to show that Finn was a good guy but a naive guy.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2015 02:25

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 10:11

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Runefaust posted:

Do you need testicles to make clones in the SW universe?

The point is: Did Vader have nards? Or perhaps Sith cyber-nards?

Frackie Robinson posted:

Why are all Dark Jedi authoritarians, why aren't there any Sith libertarians/sovereign citizens?

Because the purpose of a libertarian outlook is to create an authoritarian environment where you're the one wearing the boots. :smugdog:

# ¿ Dec 21, 2015 02:29

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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