PT6A posted:

I like lots of different fonts in --WEIRD STYLES-- with ==odd== lines going ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE because _-_-I'm a giant retard who lives in Vancouver!-_-_

Suitaru posted:

actually i think you'll find that greeting the "fash" by attempting to "bash" them is not going to win any hearts and minds and perhaps you sh - *is pushed to ground, stomped on by jackboot*

larchesdanrew posted:

Sometimes I was pronouns cost actual money to use, like vowels on Wheel of Fortune. Supervisor does this constantly. He just walks in and launches into stories without a proper noun in sight and gets annoyed when you ask who or what the gently caress he's actually talking about.

18 Character Limit posted:

Is there an OSHA limit to your daily CE exposure? Because you're over it.

Volmarias posted:

Shaka, when the words fell

Kurieg posted:

Buffalo! It's Hard Drives Full!

Volmarias posted:

Creepy reporter, his antenna transmitting.

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

blackswordca, his audit log entrapped

Potato Alley posted:

midelne, his boss run over

Sheep posted:

dicktrauma, the office manager screaming

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

Sirotan, a seal mug in hand

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Tony, when the servers fell

E: Dick Trauma, his tools magnetized

Ozz81 posted:

Larchesdanrew, institutionalized after attacking a herd of buffalo while vacationing in Yellowstone

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Those are riffs on an old Star Trek episode.

ReelBigLizard posted:

The old Yoshimura pipe is pumping out a high, flat howl somewhere behind me now. The speedo has all but frozen at 184mph and the commuter pods are struggling to get out of the way without jostling the digitally sedated inhabitants. I catch flashes of startled faces through toughened glass and allow myself a little smirk thinking about hot, spilled lattes flying around the cabins. A pole bristling with sensors and antennae marks 3 miles to the exit, one minute at this speed but I'll have to start slowing down before then. Exit 0x2AF3 is a rough splice onto an old section of legacy highway going east into the rough country and it's used so little that there is often a fine film of green moss on the surface.

Forty-five seconds. I look to my mirrors and immediately give up, the vibrations are turning everything behind me into a blur of road, sky and startled multi-colour blobs. I'll find out if the interceptor drones have given up soon enough. I feel my knuckles creak as I start to release the throttle tube. I've been holding on too tight because of the adrenaline and I'm lucky that I haven't sent the bike into violent headshake.

Thirty seconds, I can see the exit up ahead now. Still too fast, I rest a finger on the lever and start to apply pressure and I feel the sintered pads start to bite. With an almost telepathic push on the bars I point the bike towards the far lane where another big train of streamlined composite sheep are huddled. They start to shuffle as I approach, embedded systems frantically calculating and recalculating my changing trajectory until the hive mind makes the executive decision to split the herd to avoid a collision. The trailing group rapidly slows as the lead group adds a sudden burst of emergency acceleration from the torquey brushless motors to make a gap and I slide between them like I've got a force-field.

Fifteen seconds. I'm matching speed with them now and to my surprise the opaque rear glass on the pod in front of me flips to transparent as a sleepy-eyed child struggles to focus on the world outside. He blinks at the bike and suddenly the eyes are as big as saucers, mouth agape. He raises his hand to the glass and I go to give him a thumbs up when his gaze suddenly shifts to somewhere over my shoulder. I already know what I'm going to see as I twist my head to look. First Technician Mbire has come back from the snack machine and slammed the "Detain" button.

crazy cloud posted:

Alternatively stop living in fear and love your fellow sentient beings unconditionally

CommunistPancake posted:

Bonster posted:

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Sleeveless posted:

go3 posted:

tl;dr oil industry

A number of years ago my wife worked for a small oil and gas firm that lived like it was still in the 80s. By that I mean the higher ups regularly flew to Houston, wine'd and dine'd Big Oil execs and topped it off at the strip club. Just the cost of doing business. One trip, a guy forgot his company card or some poo poo and figured "hey I'll just use my personal and get reimbursed!" That wasn't a problem but a bit later the statement hits home and his wife sees a $27k charge for HOUSE OF BIG BOOTY BITCHES or wherever they went and flips out. Husband denies it and says the card got lost on the trip and he'll take care of it no worries. Wife says, "dont worry I already called and cancelled the card and disputed the charge it'll be taken care of ". Naturally it comes back to her that they have a receipt with his signature on it etc but that can't be her husband doesn't do this stuff SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG. Husband sees that his wife is searching for any reason to believe that he didn't do this so he rubs his nuts a bit and gets a great idea, "I'll tell her I was drugged! I didn't know what happened and felt bad in the morning so I went to the hospital, thats right!" Crisis averted, right? Not so fast my friend.

Being a very concerned spouse, wife finally calls the office to inquire about this and whether the hospital visit was covered etc. My wife talks to her at one point and is like nope not doing this and boots the call up to her best friend/boss that ostensibly runs the office. Now, this lady doesn't give a poo poo about what the guys do. She handles the money, makes it all go where it is supposed to be, but she will absolutely not cover their horseshit with spouses. She can take this line because she is Protected. On top of being the only really competent person in the office that doesn't get drunk every day, she had a fling with the owner back in their college days and he has tried to take care of her ever since. He'd drop his wife in a heartbeat if she ever asked, even 25 years later, but she never will. So here she is on the phone with a really vapid wife, asking about lies that she neither knows or cares about. "No he didn't go to the hospital, their flight back was that morning and they were here by noon." The key here is that the wife thought he was coming back a few days later. Really the husband was just going to get back, spend a few days with his in-town girlfriend, then go back home. Oops.

So at this point the husband is pretty loving boned. His wife knows he spends his time out of town dropping megabucks at strip clubs and likes to come home early and not tell her. There isn't really anything left for him to do but accept his fate of impending divorce and spend more time with his girlfriend, but he wants someone to burn and chooses... Untouchable Lady. He tells the owner he wants that bitch gone, she hosed everything up, how can she be so dumb etc etc etc. Now the guy is good at his job but ultimately he's just a loving petroleum engineer and you can't swing a big tittied ho around here without hitting 4 of them. Owner tells him she isn't loving going anywhere and maybe if he wasn't such a loving idiot he wouldn't be in this position, go back to your loving office and deal with it. Guy decides that gently caress it, if he is going down someone is coming with him so he decided to rat out the owner to his wife about his ongoing infidelities even to the point where their regular hotel meet up is. You can guess how well that went.

Fast forward 6 months or a year later or whatever and both guys are divorced after paying out through the loving nose, nearly costing owner the company in the process. Bizarrely through all this the owner never fired the guy for it. His marriage was over long before and professionally its a really good team so lets just move on! The office is still mostly a bunch of raging alcoholics(apart from AP duties my wife would usually fetch a 30 pack or two for them on her way back from lunch every day), one of the guys drank himself to death.

Its really fun to work in an industry where this kind of behavior is not only tolerated but sometimes outright encouraged.