SA Decides, 1788-2000: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > SA Decides, 1788-2000: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

«‹›2 »

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

When do we get to elect George Clinton as President for Life? America wasn't quite funky enough in its youth imo

# ¿ Nov 21, 2015 18:55

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 3, 2024 23:58

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Platystemon posted:

Don�t be Burrned.

Vote Washington/Adams

#FeeltheBurrn is the only patriotic route, friend :colbert:

# ¿ Nov 22, 2015 22:51

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

oystertoadfish posted:

i like that washington is going to benefit from being the crypto-federalist in a race with only one open federalist in the election; he'll probably win, whereas he lost this thread in the last election because there were two pro-federal anti-slavery candidates

the dynamics of the immortal ironic internet socialist voting bloc are fascinating

To be fair, none of us would be allowed to vote were we alive back then. Surprise surprise, poor people from the 21st century know how much of a shitfucking loon states rights are.

Also we're all against slavery, for some weird reason.

# ¿ Nov 23, 2015 00:51

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

troubled teen posted:

As a not-poor white man from Boston I probably had a decent chance of being able to vote. And being anti-slavery would make me fit right in with my preferred candidate so far of Adams

Yeah but how much land do you own Mr. Not-Poor White Man from Boston?

None?

Good, welcome to the soup line, fellow proletariat brother :buddy:

# ¿ Nov 23, 2015 05:19

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Logic Probed posted:

Going with the anti-slavery theme going on here and voting for John Adams/Burr. Might as well try and rub out the issue before it gets way out of hand.

I'm looking forward to the 1980 and 1984 elections myself, just to see how many posters here will vote for Carter and Mondale just to spite Reagan.

poo poo, I might vote for Reagan just to spite goons.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2015 11:05

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

When does Adams son run for Presidency? Seriously, John is still the only guy who should have the job. America was meant to be a dictatorship :unsmigghh:

# ¿ Dec 6, 2015 15:47

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

oystertoadfish posted:

where my federalists at

ride till i die

(pinckney/king)

It's a drat shame the Federalists weren't able to smother the Dem-Reps in their infancy.

# ¿ Dec 21, 2015 19:44

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

King continues to be the best man for the job, even with such an ironic name :lol:

# ¿ Dec 27, 2015 15:07

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

oystertoadfish posted:

yall already know

refusing to elect washington might be the most ahistorical result in this thread start to finish but i have a feeling 1816 could rival it

also every election after that when we all submit write-in votes for rufus king

The corpse of Rufus King will still be getting elected up until the 1930s.

# ¿ Dec 27, 2015 23:02

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

I think it's mostly the running theme that "States have the right to suck it!" -Abraham Lincoln from his deathbed.

# ¿ Jan 4, 2016 16:12

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

All hail the second coming of our lord and savior, the forever God-King Emperor John Quincy Adams, may he lay waste to all those who would see his reign challenged.

May Andrew Jackson roast in hell.

# ¿ Jan 17, 2016 20:34

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Andrew Jackson will never be President of this Republic :colbert:

# ¿ Jan 24, 2016 17:25

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Wirt is the fly in the ointment that this country needs.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2016 19:46

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Feral_Shofixti posted:

JACKSON *slams down ~~phone~~pidgeon*

# ¿ Jan 31, 2016 22:14

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Empress Theonora posted:

I can't believe I voted for the loving Trump party.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2016 00:13

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

gently caress this election is insane. I guess we can see just what the modern GOP was trying to mimic with just running every goddamned member of the party.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2016 16:14

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

GlyphGryph posted:

This thread has literally been a more educational history experience than my years of US history class, including AP US History.

Why is the state of history education so bad? Why is this thread so good?

Unsurprisingly, these questions have lead me to vote for the abolitionist. Burn it all down.

Because we let Texas write our textbooks for some godawful reason.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2016 17:11

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

BIRN

DOWN

EVERYTHING

:unsmigghh:

# ¿ Feb 21, 2016 18:41

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Lycus posted:

Goddamn it, Birn, why you haven't you abolished slavery yet? You had four years. Still voting for you.

William Tecumseh Sherman is still just a Lieutenant at this point. Gotta give him some time to get up to speed before you cut him lose to burn down the aristocratic fuckers.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2016 18:49

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

foobardog posted:

Actually, I think I figured out how to tie our decisions with the reset of the timeline. We're a dark cabal that makes its decisions and attempts to see that man elected, but... we're awful at actually doing it. The Keystone Kops of secret organizations.

Hey, we got Adams elected that one time! And his son, too! :argh:

# ¿ Feb 23, 2016 23:21

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

foobardog posted:

I missed realizing we actually matched! So yeah, gentlemen, we need to find another Adams. Search the land for the golden child.

FDR is gonna have like 8 goddamned terms in office :circlefap:

# ¿ Feb 25, 2016 13:47

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

QuoProQuid posted:

More like the 1848 version of Eisenhower.

It's probably worth mentioning that Taylor had no deep attachment to the Whigs and probably only joined them because he believed Polk had intentionally set out to kill him. In 1846, Polk ordered Taylor to march into disputed territory, knowing that Taylor would be attacked by the large Mexican army stationed there, as a way of giving the Americans a justification to go to war. When Taylor emerged unharmed, he was given increasingly suicidal orders, starting with a mission to conquer the "un-destroyable" city of Monterrey and ending with the Battle of Buena Vista. In the latter, Taylor was apparently forced to fight in hand-to-hand combat to survive.

Well the dude just earned my vote. Anyone who hates Jackson and Polk can't be all that bad.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2016 17:14

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

QuoProQuid posted:

Turns out goons love their alcohol more than women's suffrage.

Women won't gently caress us, might as well get drunk and deny them the vote :v:

# ¿ Feb 28, 2016 19:40

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Carrasco posted:

TAYLOR! *smashes telegraph*

You're a beautiful soul :unsmith:

# ¿ Feb 28, 2016 20:37

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Wasn't Van Buren basically the 1800's equivalent of Karl Rove, except a bit easier on the eyes? I thought he was the shrew behind the corrupt bargain, right?

# ¿ Feb 29, 2016 14:51

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

SpRahl posted:

Well I meant more each separate individual election we aren't running a continuous timeline, after all if we were clearly America would be a monarchy under the Adams Dynasty .
I figure a civil war at least every other election is probably a safe bet.

At least if we got it out of the way early and settled the question of slavery before rifled cannons and rifled muskets and industrialization and poo poo, we might save a couple hundred thousand lives :shrug:

# ¿ Mar 1, 2016 01:13

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Nebakenezzer posted:

These are all good suggestions

It captures the pride aspect quite well, but implies Trump is pretty

I guess he is a big cock

Rocko Llama

Somebody call deep hurting, I want to see Obama as a Llama caricature

The google image search for Barack O'Llama took me to some strange places.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2016 20:05

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Communist Zombie posted:

What the hell was their party planks or reason for existing? Im guessing something to do with the Kansas-Nebraska act?

I'll be cold and dead in the ground before I recognize ~~Missouri~~ Nebraska as a state!

# ¿ Mar 7, 2016 04:12

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

MMM Whatchya Say posted:

Other than that, Mrs Lincoln, how was the show?

Casting my vote for this in addition to the other dead guy.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2016 17:26

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Nckdictator posted:

If you don't vote Bryan in 1896 I don't know what to say.

MCKINLEY!

*gunshots*

edit: Yeah yeah, that was after his reelection, whatevs, it's the only reason I know who McKinley was.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2016 21:17

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Those are some extremely cool maps Quid.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2016 16:50

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

QuoProQuid posted:

Voting Daniel Webster will probably cause a Freemason, anti-abolitionist Southerner to be elected by the Electoral College.

Huh, so we inadvertently caused the North to secede instead? Neat!

# ¿ Mar 11, 2016 00:25

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

karmicknight posted:

It'd be a nice change of pace, yes.

The Union of American States has a long, glorious road of subjugating and devastating the racist, fractured United States south of the Mason-Dixon Line :laugh:

# ¿ Mar 11, 2016 00:52

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

This Grand Old Party will be a stalwart defender of the liberties of free men everywhere, and will enfranchise and empower the blacks of America and will, through our French leader Fremont, Make America Great Again!

# ¿ Mar 13, 2016 21:26

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Lincoln's party affiliation is Democratic?

:v:

# ¿ Mar 20, 2016 14:47

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

I'll once again cast my vote for the candidate most likely to bring misery and suffering to those slave-holding sonsabitches south of the Mason-Dixon.

LINCOLN!

*burns down a plantation*

# ¿ Mar 20, 2016 16:39

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Nebakenezzer posted:

It's just so super-convienient that we know what a candidate actually does in office and how well they did when we vote for 'em. We should do this in real life!

Question for the thread: I imagine most of y'all have voted for Lincoln. If you didn't know the future, how do you think the vote would go? Lincoln condemned for not being hard enough on slavery?

I always vote for the most abolitionist president, and unfortunately Lincoln's the only option we have. If there was a candidate who advocated straight up for preemptively burning the South to the ground and freeing the slaves (it's a shame John Brown couldn't run) then I'm certain the goon hivemind would vote for him instead.

# ¿ Mar 21, 2016 16:58

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

SpRahl posted:

Man fro mthis and other examples in this thread, political cartoons used to be amazing...

Going from Ben Franklin to Michael Ramirez and Mike Lester and A.F. Branco is probably to blame for the bullshit political discourse we see these days.

# ¿ Mar 23, 2016 00:51

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

foobardog posted:

Don't romanticize the past too much. There have always been shithead cartoonists and editorialists, and politics decided by stupid issues rather than important ones. Complex issues reduced down into catchphrases, and direct politicking through handouts and favoritism. Even Thomas Nast, sort of the father of modern political cartoons, made some lovely anti-popery and anti-Irish cartoons.

I was being a little facetious with the importance of political cartooning (sorry Deep Hurting!) :v:

# ¿ Mar 23, 2016 00:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 3, 2024 23:58

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

foobardog posted:

For example:

An original Asay! :eyepop:

# ¿ Mar 23, 2016 01:02

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > SA Decides, 1788-2000: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

«‹›2 »