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So, what way is the Order of the Cincinnati signaled to vote again? Asking for a friend. I'm a one issue voter, and that issue is "No Popery."
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Feb 15, 2016 23:11
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GreyjoyBastard posted:I have good news, friend. News about Freemasonry being a Papist conspiracy to destroy our country and our way of life. News of President Ellmaker being stopped at the moment of victory by their perfidious influence. Egregious folly! I have voted, friends, choosing the van Buren-Johnson ticket. While I admit van Buren has made surprisingly few tirades against the Papacy and his illegitimate empire, I vote mostly for the sterling qualities of his VP, Johnson. A man with a common-law negro wife? The south will choke on its own bile as it vomits itself to death, leaving those pestelant lands to be re-settled by men not infected with racism's vile taint. (Also it makes me sad that if he was running today as a GOP candidate, his hollow earth ideas would be accepted, or at least ignored as long as they had some bullshit religious justification. But having a common-law wife, let alone a black common-law wife would sink him instantly.)
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Feb 16, 2016 17:58
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Gentlemen, let me say first: don't blame me, I voted for van Buren. Second, let me say: I found myself glad of Harrison's victory, for on his inauguration day, the first crate of hard cider appeared at my door. The next few weeks of winter I spent in the company of Bacchus, where I joined with several fellow travelers in attempting to make a log cabin out of the wood of leftover cider crates. Alas, it was winter, and it was not long before several of my new friends had drunkenly attempted to bed down in nearby snow drifts and expired from the cold. Then one awful afternoon I awoke to discover a hangover that the Almighty had previously only used in the Old Testament to smite fornicators of dogs with. Bacchus and his lovely nymphs had gone, and William Henry Harrison was dead. I recovered from my hangover inside of a week (servants and their homemade scotch broth are wonderful things) the nation had to endure a much longer hangover then my hard cider mental impactment - the Presidency of that incipient Napoleon, John Tyler. Sadly, no amount of scotch broth could heal the actions of a man willing to make the nation destitute on the cowardly fear that a national bank might undermine state's rights. But friends, Tyler is soon to be shown the door, a guest who has vastly overstayed his welcome, and we must once again consider who should lead our most glorious republic. Polk I admire. He is a man of vision. His interest in expanding this great nation is a fine one. Yes, let the border of Oregon be 58 degrees North. By all means, let us look to extend our domains south, over Mexico, Cuba, and her wretched papist inhabitants. There is nothing more American than going out into God's country, claiming a swath of it, burning down the forests your claimed swath has to discourage wolves and owls, and shooting anybody who objects. It is what made this nation great. Indeed, the educated among you will be familiar with Mr. John Locke, a English Philosopher who was no small influence on the founding fathers. He maintained that the only responsible way to improve land is by the method of private property and ownership, and that such a system was viable in the long term exclusively because the lands in the new world were all but infinite. Gentlemen, by all means, we must continue to act in this way! For the implications if Mr. Locke was wrong are grim, indeed. Now, despite his virtue, I must drop Polk, as if he were a large toad that just defecated on my hand. For his ideas are fine, but they can also, ultimately, wait. Henry Clay represents an opportunity, friends. A shining moment when the fox has yet to be tossed. When a beautiful maid of Portugal does not yet realize you do not share her papist delusions. When the red man has left the piece of land to go hunting, and does not know a fence will block his return. Henry Clay represents our opportunity to deal the octopus of Catholicism the sharpest blow it had yet received in the new world. Our nation was founded on free speech, freedom of thought, and religious tolerance, and therein lies its flaw. It allows the cryptic nonsense of the old world purchase upon our shores, and allows the infiltration of sinister cabals of virgin-worshiping lain-speakers to wind its way into our towns and cities. These people care naught for our great nation; indeed, they see it as a threat. For you see, they hate freedom, especially freedom of conscience, and the freedom to speak to God directly, rather than through the intermediary of a parasitic priesthood. As soon as they can manage the power, they will enact laws forcing all good Protestants into their churches, and force us to eat fish on Fridays, and a thousand other evils. They talk of religious freedom, and civil liberties, but friends, do not be deceived! They use their talk of rights to deny us ours, so we must preemptively deny them theirs. Henry Clay and his running mate, Theodore Freling-hay-son, erm, Freling-hay-sin, see the threat to lady liberty, her virtue menaced by the papist octopus. True gentlemen, they have stepped forward and drawn steel to guard our good lady from unspeakable inky-tentacle rape. Clay, a veritable golem of virtue, cannot be distracted by Papacy's charming gaze, nor by its blasphemous fire. Frelingson, an evangelical of great wisdom, sees the war on the Pope's agents in this nations as the highest priority. He hopes to re-educate them, as he hopes to re-educate the red man, back to God's light and civilization's ways, a noble a goal as any ever proposed in an election year. Such a party, Clay the incorruptible golem, and Frelinghay, the helophant of light, could not possibly fail to defeat the agents of the twisted pope on his dark throne in Rome. Send a message to papists everywhere: that their days of skulking in the shadows and rejecting our advances just because we hate their religion are numbered! Gentlemen! VOTE HENRY CLAY, GOLEM OF LIBERTY!
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Feb 23, 2016 17:58
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foobardog posted:Actually, I think I figured out how to tie our decisions with the reset of the timeline. We're a dark cabal that makes its decisions and attempts to see that man elected, but... we're awful at actually doing it. The Keystone Kops of secret organizations. Yeah, that's us: Order of the Cincinnati What we really need is a college of electors both to enforce our will, and to keep unbelievable idiots from getting elected.
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Feb 24, 2016 00:10
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Thump! posted:FDR is gonna have like 8 goddamned terms in office Adlai Stephenson becomes the force of destiny he was always meant to be. I mean, the dude ruled, look what he was saying publicly in the 19 fuckin' 50s: 
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Feb 25, 2016 17:28
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Harold Stassen posted:Will we be able to elect Nixon in 1960, 1968 and 1972 giving him potentially three terms? Only if we have the strength of will to do so
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Feb 26, 2016 23:07
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QuoProQuid posted:Recently, they've added the Election of 1844 to the collection, allowing you can campaign as an anti-expansionist Polk or a slightly less racist Clay. Unfortunately, the game does not yet let you Birn it down. Now that you mention it: I read in your write-up of Clay that he played up his anti-catholic credentials because of his views on Native Americans would make him seem 'soft' in the south? Was he not racist enough on this issue or something? I'm just curious how racist Clay actually was. PS> Henry Clay managed to deny Andrew Jackson the Presidency in 1824. In the so called 'corrupt bargain'.  HENRY CLAY, GOLEM OF LIBERTY PPS> Is James Polk literally the devil? The answer may surprise you.
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Feb 27, 2016 20:30
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Questions: 1. I know the Republicans split off from the Whigs at some point - previously were they a faction inside the Whigs? 2. Transylvania University? Wha-t 3. I absolutely love that as things get nastier the only solution is to bring in a popular guy who's so outside the political system he's never loving voted before. Let alone has a platform. (Not really a question.) 4. Is that a real picture of Filmore? Neat. Also lol at "Taylor and Filmore despised each other." I'm also laughing up my sleeve at all of this annex Cuba talk, which could have happened before the Civil War with the willing acquiescence of Spain, only to have the chance utterly blown through incompetence.
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Feb 28, 2016 18:07
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5. Lysander Spooner? Lysander Spooner?
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Feb 28, 2016 18:48
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Acebuckeye13 posted:I've got to give a shout-out to Nebakenezzer for linking this in the MilHist thread because I would have never found it otherwise. This is an amazing thread, and you're all tremendous posters    No Popery, gentlemen.Speaking of, friends, I find myself without a cause to furiously champion this election. The only notable anti-papist comes to us with any number of bad habits such as temperance and religious instruction in schools, and I could no more invite him into my house than I could a family of Irish papists and their 17 squalling potato-children. Carrasco posted:"Maybe anti-Jacksonian or something" is good enough for me. TAYLOR! *smashes telegraph* foobardog posted:You fools! Will we make the same mistakes we've always made as we've tried to lead this country? Yes, there is an Adams, but we all know that our forefathers rebelled from England to get away from these dynasties. Let the children define themselves. With that said, if we attack the peculiar institution head on, we will continue to fail due to the machinations of the freemasons. You say that Taylor believes in nothing, I say he believes more heartedly in loving the South than Van Buren who merely wishes to isolate them and hope they come to their mind. Hear them, my friends! Whilst ambulating round my land today, it seems to me the central issue concerning us is the candidates attitude toward the South. I must agree with the good foobardog in that van Buren is far too nice, far too diplomatic for my tastes. These are all useful traits, no doubt, but against an enclave that have chained themselves to slavery in a foolish attempt to preserve the wicked institution, it is Christian instinct wasted. Instead, let us rally round a man of action who may heave slavery into the sea, and laugh when the chained south is inevitably pulled in after it. It is only the anti-political Taylor who will act rightly without the slightest consideration of the consequences of action that can free us from this wretched institution. Taylor/running mate '48!
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Feb 29, 2016 16:31
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Mar 3, 2016 17:20
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bitcoin bastard posted:Reposting the imgur version because that image owns too hard to be lost to photobucket's URL fuckery. Everybody can see it, though, right? (Don't know much, just picked photobucket one day.)
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Mar 3, 2016 17:58
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karmicknight posted:Would you vote for this comic strip? Did whathisname pick Fillmore for his politics, or because he could get an animal pun out of it? I think it might be the latter
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Mar 4, 2016 14:33
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Honestly, try to make a animal pun out of a sitting president's name - it's impossibly hard
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Mar 4, 2016 15:32
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These are all good suggestionsEmpress Theonora posted:Swanald Trump It captures the pride aspect quite well, but implies Trump is pretty I guess he is a big cock fool_of_sound posted:Bearak Ollama Rocko Llama Somebody call deep hurting, I want to see Obama as a Llama caricature
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Mar 4, 2016 19:58
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WTF how could I forget Garfield as a example. Actually who are we kidding, this is where Mallard Filmore dude got the idea
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Mar 5, 2016 01:40
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I think it'd get away from the thread if we wrote a goon political history from 1776. For one, the civil war would have happened immediately. For another, it would have rapidly become a less structured let's play, where the USA somehow annexes New Brunswick and wins the war of 1812 as a opener, and Jackson ends up resettling Quebec with Irishmen or something, with all the Acadians condemned to Louisiana, leading to Western States speaking french and siding with Mexico, etc etc
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Mar 5, 2016 22:15
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Dumb political question(s): the national bank. It seems like Jackson's opposition to it is one of his major policy victories, because people are still wittering on about it decades later. Was it a giveaway for the 18th century .01%? Because it sounded sorta like a very sensible infrastructure improvement project and a bunch of people flipped out because "STATES RIGHTS" or some such. Also, did the bank's closure cause all sorts of economic fuckery, or was this America being all bubblicious without any external regulation?
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Mar 6, 2016 17:36
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PS> There is nothing new under the sun. Civil War threatens, and the two main candidates are a man who has a fainting problem and a man known as "ol'fuss and feathers." The campaign (since both aren't running on any sort of platform) are these two guys calling each other names.
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Mar 6, 2016 17:43
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SlothfulCobra posted:Franklin Pierce's bio of not being nothing but daddy's little boy until he quit drinking combined with his somewhat lackluster service record reminds me a lot of George W. Bush. I know what you mean, but it still seems unkind to Pierce. HE MEANT WELL He also never really quit drinking e: This could apply to both, but Pierce is the one who said it: ‘My Countrymen: It is a relief to feel that no heart but my own can know the personal regret and bitter sorrow over which I have been borne to a position so suitable for others rather than desirable for myself.’ Nebakenezzer has issued a correction as of 19:48 on Mar 6, 2016 |
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Mar 6, 2016 19:42
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My friends, I like to think of myself as a great, friendly dog, who greets everyone in election time with enthusiasm, and possibly brings a dead duck or two to the conversation, a bird-dog of virtue if you will. This election, alas, I find myself a sombre, even dejected dog lingering by the fire in the kitchen. For discord has riven the country, and even this very thread. A war with the slave-states now seems inevitable, and yet the main party candidates refuse to even discuss such things, least the unity of their parties (like the unity of our nation) be torn asunder into quarrelsome Italian city-states - who let the tyranny of small differences cause blood in the streets. This despite the fact such dissolution now seems preordained, even openly greeted by many in this very thread. Many southern curs now bark and howl ever louder for outright secession, and this election run a candidate for president who vows to do exactly that, a son of a bitch if ever there was one. This ill-favored pack cannot be placated or reasoned with. Those that keep dogs know the only thing such racist bloodhounds understand is dominance, and by use of force must be brought to heel. The mainstream candidates have tried to escape the issues of the day, and run a campaign on who can insult each other the best. Pierce is a man picked to be president after 50 party ballots failed to agree on a candidate, and who's greatest credential is having nothing whatsoever to say about slavery. Winfield Scott is a man who administered the trail of tears for Jackson, and in this election mainly because, like John Taylor, he is famous outside of political circles. Both men have as their VPs men who support the slave states, having made their fortunes off of the back of negro toil. I suspect both these men are fatally flawed to those that read these words. But what then? The baying fools of the so-called 'Southern Rights' party? I attended my local Freemason meeting as always, hoping to sell the Native Americans as an alternative, only to discover that they were enamored of a dead man for president, instead. In this august gathering, I hoped the same, but discovered the same sense of discord, with the main question being how to break the works for good and all. Despite the universally abolitionist sentiment gathered here, some see the 'Southern Rights' party the correct choice, the proper tinder to finally set the whole nation ablaze. And why not? Our hopes were dashed with Taylor. A military man in peak form, he dies while in office with no blockade against the slaver states started. Taylor's misfortune started with a stomach aliment, which was probably caused by putrescence tracked onto fruit via some dismal fly who had been a walking in Washington's open sewers previously. God could have prevented this, but so could have a small boy saying 'shoo'! Thus Taylor was undone. He might have recovered, had he been a modest farmer who the doctor could visit but once, but Taylor, alas, was president, and was attended by many physicians who bled, purged, and otherwise treated him till he died. Indeed, I have stopped attending my usual meetings and haunts, and sit quietly in a bar some nights, that serves Irish Papists. They are a wretched but merry lot. The keeper of the bar is a Colleen O'Shaughnessy, a Irish lass with a sunny face and curves as generous as her pints. She is a papist through and through, and I find her cheering. Indeed, maybe the dogs have the right of it. They do not worry about nations, trade, or the constitution. If we lived as dogs, the negro girls who make us feel like it would be on the whole worthwhile to live past the election would undoubtedly be our wives, and we would have many strong mongrel children who would be seen as blessing instead of millstones. Perhaps the dogs and the Irish have the right of it. Nebakenezzer has issued a correction as of 03:00 on Mar 8, 2016 |
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Mar 7, 2016 19:58
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foobardog posted:Et tu, Nebakenezzer? And I find myself attracted to comely papist pub owners. Truly, the center does grow mold, mere papistry is loosed upon the world. And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Pennsylvania to be born?
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Mar 7, 2016 20:42
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GOONS FOR BROOMS WHEN YOU SWEEP THE LAND OF CATHOLICS, YOU ARE GOING TO NEED A BROOM
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Mar 8, 2016 03:31
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If we're getting ahead a bit, who's the goon favorite: internet icon, noted liberal reformer and two-fisted man Theodore Roosevelt or comedy legend William Howard Taft?
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Mar 8, 2016 19:30
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Grand Theft Autobot posted:TR is a top-5 President. Well, I know that and you know that...
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Mar 9, 2016 03:03
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GlyphGryph posted:Holy poo poo. This guy seems to win for the most miserable presidency ever. Except for the slight expansion of the border down to the Rio Grande with Mexico, he was a King Midas in reverse: everything he touched turned worthless Not entirely his fault (people were beating each other half to death on the senate floor) but yeah
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Mar 9, 2016 19:38
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GreyjoyBastard posted:A bit late to sway the vote, but General Winfield Scott, Pompous rear end in a top hat Father Of The Modern American Army, is goddamn fantastic and will receive an effortpost in the next day or two. Cool. Looking forward to this.
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Mar 11, 2016 01:45
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QuoProQuid posted:FOOLISH FREMONT: "You shall all have what you desire. and be sure that the glorious Principles of Popery, Fourierism, Free Love, Woman's Rights, the Maine Law, NOT THE MARINE LAW!!!!
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Mar 13, 2016 22:19
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QuoProQuid posted:
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Mar 14, 2016 20:07
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Fun fact about the Panic of 1857: contributing to it was the sinking of the SS Central America. Without that gold, many banks became insolvent, economic panic, etc. Remember this the next time somebody starts talking about the virtues of "gold is money"
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Mar 20, 2016 16:51
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John Dough posted:And when did presidential candidates stop having beards? This country is going downhill let me tell you. TR's handlebar was so manly it discouraged the practice.
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Mar 20, 2016 17:22
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Octatonic posted:Well, alright then. That'd explain his general absence from primary education for sure. Really? Because Lincoln is famous for being a sadbrain sufferer. No wonder they got along.
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Mar 20, 2016 17:52
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It's just so super-convienient that we know what a candidate actually does in office and how well they did when we vote for 'em. We should do this in real life! Question for the thread: I imagine most of y'all have voted for Lincoln. If you didn't know the future, how do you think the vote would go? Lincoln condemned for not being hard enough on slavery?
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Mar 21, 2016 16:17
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Empress Theonora posted:Vote for Lincoln, that's good thinkin'  Vote for Douglas, he is rhinoceros? foobardog posted:No, Lincoln is pretty drat awesome, even if his voice is high and reedy and not deep and stentorian as he's portrayed in modern times. mind blown
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Mar 21, 2016 19:07
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This one is inscrutable to me. I mean, moreso than usual
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Mar 23, 2016 01:52
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Alter Ego posted:The Senate during that time was perhaps more indolent and obstructionist than the modern Senate. Jesus, that's saying a lot. Alter Ego posted:That's why they called it the Gilded Age. Actually, the official Gilded Age was even longer--1868 to 1901. Ironically, McKinley catching a bullet at the Pan-American Exposition was probably the primary reason why it ended. e: I imagine most people ITT already know this, but the term Gilded Age was apt coinage. Shiny on the outside, poo poo underneath. Nebakenezzer has issued a correction as of 18:43 on Mar 23, 2016 |
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Mar 23, 2016 18:40
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What I've learned in this thread: the British in the 1800s were even more racist than I previously thought.
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Mar 23, 2016 22:00
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QuoProQuid posted:In this timeline, the word "Americanize" is used to describe the process of fragmentation of a state into smaller, deeply hostile states. Also, the Balkans are a unified and peaceful place. Let freedom scream!
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Apr 3, 2016 14:35
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Mantis42 posted:McClellan is a loser who was fired for being too low energy to fight the South. Sad! I prefer generals who win. This is a good post Also, what a boring election Seriously though, it's like sweeps week here at the American Presidency. Also Hannibal Hamlin being replaced by Johnson? The only way that's justifiable is if Hamlin got his own series. Maybe some sort of A-team set in the aftermath of the civil war
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Apr 3, 2016 16:28
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 09:07 |
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I think in this time of turmoil, friends, we should remember this when talking about the south:quote:“Always remember: Others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.”
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Apr 4, 2016 02:16
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