- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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We're into, "This season's must have: Kidnap & Ransom Insurance," territory here. I'm not even sure I want to win.
Three Olives, if I do, can I hire you for a nouveau riche orienteering course? I don't want to use the wrong fork or get murdered.
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Jan 8, 2016 16:14
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May 17, 2024 18:06
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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With federal income tax, you're looking at ~$262,136,000 (less applicable state inc. tax)
But don't worry, assuming 8%/year, you could clear a billion in less than two decades
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Jan 8, 2016 16:22
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I want to win the lottery so that I can make the world a better place. I want to improve the world because I am filled with spite and hate for the current order and that's where that sends me.
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Jan 9, 2016 01:17
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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It is $14,000 per recipient per year per spouse without triggering any taxes.
There's a lifetime gift-tax exclusion, too. It's five-point-something million and you can dip into it early with a form come tax season. However, it's same limit as to what's excluded from the estate tax when you die.
But your wealth should be locked up in Trusts so none of this should matter. You can stick your fortune into a trust and put any siblings, friends, etc. on the money spigot and not have to worry about all this.
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Jan 9, 2016 03:48
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I'd want to blend in, and so would change my name to the most common first and last names possible: Muhammad Chang.
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Jan 9, 2016 06:14
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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If I win, I'm going to the dentist. Pretty sure I've got some cavities. Really need to get that sorted out.
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Jan 9, 2016 19:03
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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Nah. Fleet of blimps that drop silver dollars on low income areas is the best way to redistribute the wealth.
"Making it hail," your lawyers will say.
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Jan 9, 2016 20:44
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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If I win, every poster in this thread gets $1,000 cash.
If I win, I will post a video of my burning $1,000 in cash for every poster in this thread.
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Jan 10, 2016 08:42
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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If I win, it will probably get my friends and family murdered. But we're talking about $1.3b, so...
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Jan 10, 2016 09:40
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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Where do you even store that much money? Aren't like most banks limited to the amount of money you can invest with them?
A trust which invests in a bunch of different mutual funds. Keep in mind that if it's all in a savings account you can be sued for it. And you would be. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And for the rest of your life.
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Jan 10, 2016 13:18
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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Im always mad, but its literally baffling to me how people who have no money think having money will make life suck even more.
It's obligates a high-stakes transition from the known to the unknown for you and everyone connected to you.
Don't get me wrong, I'm buying a ticket but if I won then my first thought would , "I am so completely hosed."
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Jan 10, 2016 18:12
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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If your first, very first loving thought, after having won 1.3 billion dollars is "I am so completely hosed", you have brain issues.
3rd thought, ok.
But if your first reaction isn't gibbering squealing celebration, there is no hope for you.
Oh, underlying the sense of impending doom would be a great deal of zest and moxie, I assure you.
Edit:
Literally just live like you do now
This is how you get Whittaker-ed.
Don't be like Jack Whittaker:
quote:Jack Whittaker, a Johnny Cash attired, West Virginia native, is the poster boy for the dangers of a lump sum award. In 2002 Mr. Whittaker (55 years old at the time) won what was, also at the time, the largest single award jackpot in U.S. history. $315 million. At the time, he planned to live as if nothing had changed, or so he said. He was remarkably modest and decent before the jackpot, and his ship sure came in, right? Wrong.
Mr. Whittaker became the subject of a number of personal challenges, escalating into personal tragedies, complicated by a number of legal troubles.
Whittaker wasn't a typical lottery winner either. His net worth at the time of his winnings was in excess of $15 million, owing to his ownership of a successful contracting firm in West Virginia. His claim to want to live "as if nothing had changed" actually seemed plausible. He should have been well equipped for wealth. He was already quite wealthy, after all. By all accounts he was somewhat modest, low profile, generous and good natured. He should have coasted off into the sunset. Yeah. Not exactly.
Whittaker took the all-cash option, $170 million, instead of the annuity option, and took possession of $114 million in cash after $56 million in taxes. After that, things went south.
Whittaker quickly became the subject of a number of financial stalkers, who would lurk at his regular breakfast hideout and accost him with suggestions for how to spend his money. They were unemployed. No, an interview tomorrow morning wasn't good enough. They needed cash NOW. Perhaps they had a sure-fire business plan. Their daughter had cancer. A niece needed dialysis. Needless to say, Whittaker stopped going to his breakfast haunt. Eventually, they began ringing his doorbell. Sometimes in the early morning. Before long he was paying off-duty deputies to protect his family. He was accused of being heartless. Cold. Stingy.
Letters poured in. Children with cancer. Diabetes. MS. You name it. He hired three people to sort the mail. A detective to filter out the false claims and the con men (and women) was retained.
Brenda, the clerk who had sold Whittaker the ticket, was a victim of collateral damage. Whittaker had written her a check for $44,000 and bought her house, but she was by no means a millionaire. Rumors that the state routinely paid the clerk who had sold the ticket 10% of the jackpot winnings hounded her. She was followed home from work. Threatened. Assaulted.
Whittaker's car was twice broken into, by trusted acquaintances who watched him leave large amounts of cash in it. $500,000 and $200,000 were stolen in two separate instances. The thieves spiked Whittaker's drink with prescription drugs in the first instance. The second incident was the handiwork of his granddaughter's friends, who had been probing the girl for details on Whittaker's cash for weeks.
Even Whittaker's good-faith generosity was questioned. When he offered $10,000 to improve the city's water park so that it was more handicap accessible, locals complained that he spent more money at the strip club. (Amusingly this was true).
Whittaker invested quite a bit in his own businesses, tripled the number of people his businesses employed (making him one of the larger employers in the area) and eventually had given away $14 million to charity through a foundation he set up for the purpose. This is, of course, what you are "supposed" to do. Set up a foundation. Be careful about your charity giving. It made no difference in the end.
To top it all off, Whittaker had been accused of ruining a number of marriages. His money made other men look inferior, they said, wherever he went in the small West Virginia town he called home. Resentment grew quickly. And festered. Whittaker paid four settlements related to this sort of claim. Yes, you read that right. Four.
His family and their immediate circle were quickly the victims of odds-defying numbers of overdoses, emergency room visits and even fatalities. His granddaughter, the eighteen year old "Brandi" (who Whittaker had been giving a $2100.00 per week allowance) was found dead after having been missing for several weeks. Her death was, apparently, from a drug overdose, but Whittaker suspected foul play. Her body had been wrapped in a tarp and hidden behind a rusted-out van. Her seventeen year old boyfriend had expired three months earlier in Whittaker's vacation house, also from an overdose. Some of his friends had robbed the house after his overdose, stepping over his body to make their escape and then returning for more before stepping over his body again to leave. His parents sued for wrongful death claiming that Whittaker's loose purse strings contributed to their son's death. Amazingly, juries are prone to award damages in cases such as these. Whittaker settled. Again.
Even before the deaths, the local and state police had taken a special interest in Whittaker after his new-found fame. He was arrested for minor and less minor offenses many times after his winnings, despite having had a nearly spotless record before the award. Whittaker's high profile couldn't have helped him much in this regard.
In 18 months Whittaker had been cited for over 250 violations ranging from broken tail lights on every one of his five new cars, to improper display of renewal stickers. A lawsuit charging various police organizations with harassment went nowhere and Whittaker was hit with court costs instead.
Whittaker's wife filed for divorce, and in the process froze a number of his assets and the accounts of his operating companies. Caesars in Atlantic City sued him for $1.5 million to cover bounced checks, caused by the asset freeze.
Today Whittaker is badly in debt, and bankruptcy looms large in his future.
But, hey, that's just one example, right?
Wrong.
Nearly one third of multi-million dollar jackpot winners eventually declare bankruptcy. Some end up worse. To give you just a taste of the possibilities, consider the fates of:
- Billie Bob Harrell, Jr.: $31 million. Texas, 1997. As of 1999: Committed suicide in the wake of incessant requests for money from friends and family. “Winning the lottery is the worst thing that ever happened to me.¯
- William āBudā¯ Post: $16.2 million. Pennsylvania. 1988. In 1989: Brother hires a contract murderer to kill him and his sixth wife. Landlady sued for portion of the jackpot. Convicted of assault for firing a gun at a debt collector. Declared bankruptcy. Dead in 2006.
- Evelyn Adams: $5.4 million (won TWICE 1985, 1986). As of 2001: Poor and living in a trailer gave away and gambled most of her fortune.
- Suzanne Mullins: $4.2 million. Virginia. 1993. As of 2004: No assets left.
- Shefik Tallmadge: $6.7 million. Arizona. 1988. As of 2005: Declared bankruptcy.
- Thomas Strong: $3 million. Texas. 1993. As of 2006: Died in a shoot-out with police.
- Victoria Zell: $11 million. 2001. Minnesota. As of 2006: Broke. Serving seven year sentence for vehicular manslaughter.
- Karen Cohen: $1 million. Illinois. 1984. As of 2000: Filed for bankruptcy. As of 2006: Sentenced to 22 months for lying to federal bankruptcy court.
- Jeffrey Dampier: $20 million. Illinois. 1996. As of 2006: Kidnapped and murdered by own sister-in-law.
- Ed Gildein: $8.8 million. Texas. 1993. As of 2003: Dead. Wife saddled with his debts. As of 2005: Wife sued by her own daughter who claimed that she was taking money from a trust fund and squandering cash in Las Vegas.
- Willie Hurt: $3.1 million. Michigan. 1989. As of 1991: Addicted to cocaine. Divorced. Broke. Indicted for murder.
- Michael Klingebiel: $2 million. As of 1998 sued by own mother claiming he failed to share the jackpot with her.
- Janite Lee: $18 million. 1993. Missouri. As of 2001: Filed for bankruptcy with $700 in assets.
Accretionist fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Jan 10, 2016
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Jan 10, 2016 18:18
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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How many people in this thread actually believe there is even the slightest possibility of winning big on these racket?
It seriously takes very little brain power and knowledge to understand how truly wasteful it is to gamble with such odds.
What is even harder to believe is people who see a pattern to scratchers and don't realize that the winners are completely calculated. The real pattern is that you buy tickets and win half your money back, so you buy more until you've spent all your winning money on losing tickets.
Incorrect, you're likely to win back less than 10%.
And it's basically a way of donating both to the state budget and to someone who gets to live for real what the ticket lets you daydream about with unreasonable seriousness for a few hours. It's entertaining!
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Jan 10, 2016 18:30
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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And where do you think the $1.3b came from?
Edit:
Surprise. If you live in a backwards shittown people are going to act like backwards shitlords. He should have moved to a real city where no one would have cared.
Yeah, if I won, I'd've moved to Manhattan where you can be rich as balls and the only thing that matters is you don't stop in the middle of hte loving sidewalk
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Jan 10, 2016 18:39
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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What kind of car would you buy if you won, assuming you still wanted to drive yourself?
Nissan Versa.
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Jan 10, 2016 19:17
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I'd try to make the world more Star Trek-like. That's what I'd do if I won.
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Jan 11, 2016 07:21
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I would just get a small house that was really really nice if I won the powerball. I never understood why you would want to live in a mansion. Like, I'd have a small house built with three bedrooms tops, but made out of the absolute best materials possible and filled with amazingly good furniture, a beast gaming PC, great TV/computer monitor etc. I'd have Google Fiber and poo poo like that too. This probably wouldn't even cost me a few million.
Honestly I'd probably end up giving away a ton of the money to charities and stuff. I wouldn't know what to do with it after buying everything that would make me happy using less than ten million.
I think a big part of it is people from going, "richest middle class person around," to, "poorest upper class person around," and feeling the need to buy bigger and bigger poo poo.
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Jan 11, 2016 08:45
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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If I win I am going to start a charity project to give like $1,000 in cash to homeless drug addicts.
This is the most acceptable looking plot for killing the homeless that I've ever seen.
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Jan 11, 2016 18:23
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I'm going to fund whale research. In Japan.
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Jan 12, 2016 00:51
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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Lump sum gains are going to be subject to capital gains, capped at 15%, no? Seems well worth a gain of 7.5% year over year
I think it's federal income tax of 39.6%.
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Jan 13, 2016 04:16
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I'm literally playing numbers I saw in a dream because I am an easily amused idiot who makes poor life choices.
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Jan 13, 2016 17:26
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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You could play literally any numbers and it doesn't make a bit of difference.
But now if I win, I'm psychic. There's a 1-in-292m chance of a follow-on book deal and talk show.
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Jan 13, 2016 17:53
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I've noticed that quickpicks repeat numbers more often, decreasing your odds of regular prizes.
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Jan 13, 2016 18:27
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I'm gonna self-isolate in a palatial 45th floor condo and hire a personal assistant to be a $40,000/year take-out fetcher.
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Jan 13, 2016 19:29
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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I bet they'll do okay:
quote:One Powerball winner down, two to go.
The $327 million Powerball ticket belonging to a small-town Tennessee family was verified Friday as one of the three winners sold as the jackpot soared to a record $1.6 billion.
John and Lisa Robinson of tiny Munford, Tenn., arrived walking the family dog at the state lottery office in Nashville — and left with their instant fortune confirmed.
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Both insisted they are going to work on Monday — Lisa to her job at a dermotologist’s office, and John at his position in information technology.
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The first order of business with the family’s newfound fortune: pay off their daughter’s student loans. After that, they’ll tithe heavily to their church, John Robinson said.
But their daughter has one special request.
“My very first thought was I always wanted a horse, so I get a horse now,” she said.
...
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Jan 16, 2016 13:22
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May 17, 2024 18:06
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- Accretionist
- Nov 7, 2012
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I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES
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They gon' git Whitakker-ed.
And man, what kind of lawyer would recommend publicity so soon? You'd want them legally and financially fortified and prepared to disappear like they'd just assassinating a sitting congressman. But this rear end in a top hat recommends they find a national morning news program right away? He's got to be working an angle. Setting them up to need his lawyering, which because of all the added complexity assuredly is at a higher, more appropriate, rate.
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Jan 16, 2016 16:58
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Jan 8, 2016 16:14
