[MOD CHALLENGE: pg 15] Please give me money to make "Filipeno food"

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > [MOD CHALLENGE: pg 15] Please give me money to make "Filipeno food"

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

i dont think ur allowed to beg for money on the forums unless some narcissistic attention deprived mod thinks that it will get him tv interviews for discovering u

# ¿ Jan 18, 2016 17:45

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 19:17

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

roll me one of those cheesecake filled lumpia pinolis the size of a tinikling pole and well talk

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 09:27

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

in nfl rookie camp part of the orientation stuff is how to manage their money and what not to do with it and the first thing they tell them is DONT OPEN A RESTAURANT IDIOT

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 12:35

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

a starwar betamax posted:

What if it is Foot-ball themed?

especially not football themed *shakes head emphatically until blurred vision emerges*

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 12:59

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

op i get the feeling that your ability with words is probably enough to function well with the company you keep and that the company you keep is probably lazy unrealistic and full of poo poo like yourself

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 15:29

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

op closed his thread yesterday and hasnt been back since because even being mocked is like too much work and he already did work for a year and its time for him to have his odd smelling dream financed for free by others

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 20:31

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Dr. Tommy John posted:

Its not fair, but I have to gently caress up well beyond the realm of "tried to open a business doing what i love" to end up unemployed and homeless.

keep telling urself that

# ¿ Jan 19, 2016 23:28

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Dr. Tommy John posted:

Not sure, I've heard I'm going to be homeless and crying at doobie dogs tomorrow so you better check the thread before you plan a trip

it wont happen like that. itll happen slowly, like a frog(dog) being slowly boiled to death, and every month the numbers will look worse and extra expenses will pop up and you'll get to the point where you have to compromise and roll back parts of your ~master plan~ but not in a way that recoups any useful amount of your original investment

and then non business normal life unforeseen expenses will also pop up and the ball gets bigger and faster and thanks to your apparently sucky credit history you wont be able to get another lifeline to keep up and you'll be at the point where that cushy full time office job would seem really nice to get back if only you had the time to work it but you wont because you and your fiance will be busy 12-14 hours a day working diligently toward financial doom and failure, and all because you thought working in a loving food stand for :siren:

a whole year :siren:

and "knowing people" somehow makes you different than any other delusional impatient jackass millennial who's decided that any kind of work that doesnt immediately realize his impractical dreams is just like, beneath him man

notice how i didnt use any empty business lingo or strategically bolded words? these words are real life words used by people who arent full of poo poo. take your business planning skills and use them to chart out how you're going to grow up, be a loving man, secure your own means, and be happy with the job you have while you gain valuable experience in how life actually works

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 01:41

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

gently caress da Mods posted:

youre a major hater

ive been hating for a whole year and i would like to open my own hater office give me money

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 01:59

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Parallax Scroll posted:

eat my poo poo op, it will probably be better than your food you want the internet to pay for

i grew up in hawaii eating filipino food it is smelley and i still dont know why

its not all bad tho it just smells funny

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 02:20

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

gently caress da Mods posted:

prolly stink waves from ur coochie

no thats just the smell of freedom

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 03:04

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Neophyte posted:

Let's see:

(1) six month time limit until a new startup niche-in-a-literal-niche restaurant has to make a profit (two years operating expenses should be your minimum cushion btw)
(12) or more hr days together sweating over deep fryers and rotting meat in a cramped cubbyhole
(negative) net wages a lot of the time since your revenue that day/week/month didn't cover expenses
(0) real management experience
(0) financial backup
(possibly 0) other workers? loving lol two people managing everything full time?

Mix it all together, add in plenty of sleep deprivation and stress, stew in your own juices and voila ! A perfect recipe for divorce!
Serves: you (right)

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 03:16

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Snuffman posted:

I'm sorry OP, I thought this thread was reopened based off of the announcement that Doobs was closing shop.

Read the Doobs thread. Read about Doobs.

You're making a similar mistake.

well doobie had no experience owning and operating a family run restaurant whereas OP has a whole years worth of experience not owning and operating a family run restaurant

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 03:26

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Dr. Tommy John posted:

We would love to have had 100,000 dollars in the bank to make sure to start our food court takeout counter without risk

ucan do this, u just wont because that would take time and effort saving money and repairing credit and getting other experience and u want the payoff of seeing your dream realized now right now instead of doing it the way that successful and mature people do it, which requires time and effort doing things that isnt ur dream

Dr. Tommy John posted:

But unfortunately were just going to have to risk it and hope for the best

u dont have a business plan as much as a set of rationalizations as to why the yawning chasm between what u can do and what u want to do doesnt matter

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 03:49

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Dr. Tommy John posted:

I am truly sorry that you're both so certain that we'll fail and apparently so angry about it. We do, in fact, have a business plan that seemed to do fine when reviewed by some non morons, but you do seem to know what you're frothing at the maw about.

ur going to fail because you dont think ur going to fail and take it as a personal offense when people point out ridiculously obvious reasons why ur overwhelmingly likely to fail, and its a pretty bad sign when ur ego not only outstrips ur competence but then drives donuts around ur capacity to accept anything but positive feedback

every failed restaurant had a business plan reviewed by 'non morons' and were approved for loans and still went tits up. ull just be another in the line because uve already decided this is what ur going to do (if strangers on a web forum would just kindly help u with what the non morons at the bank wouldnt touch with a tinikling pole)

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 04:24

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Microwaves Mom posted:

To be fair and you can quote me on this in the future:
If I was going to do something that required money I'd go through kickstart first because you don't have to pay the people back. And its always easier to do something with someone else's money

So if I ever kickstart something remember im going to you first before the bank.

its so loving lol that sites like that even allow for-profit beggars, they should replace that with mob-funded microloans where there's a strong expectation of repayment in currency or in pics of broken kneecaps

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 04:39

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

just a reminder that i have not criticised or insulted ur fiancee bc shes not the one posting shockingly ridiculous poo poo here and the posters doing so are being ~~edgy~~ creepy as gently caress

Dr. Tommy John posted:

If you had a promising business and a good opportunity that was going to provide even an outside shot at doing what you love every day a couple years ahead of schedule, would you take a shot?

absolutely not, because what u call "a couple years ahead of schedule" is what people with even a shred of wisdom and maturity call NOWHERE NEAR READY

Dr. Tommy John posted:

We'd rather have taken more time, built up more capital and experience and opened with a larger staff and fuller operation.

bullshit. if this was true this is what u would have done. stop trying to act like someone's holding a gun to your head and forcing u to do it in the way that coincidentally is the way uve decided to do it. be a man and own up to ur own decisions.

Dr. Tommy John posted:

would you not see any value in the fact that failing a kickstarter still builds publicity that succeeding at a bank does not?

no. this transcends absurdity. these are the words of someone who has stepped through their own rear end in a top hat into an alternate plane of existence with like melty clocks and up is down and failing at begging is better than succeeding at being an attractive loan risk.

Dr. Tommy John posted:

Why have so many of you immediately assumed that we couldn't borrow this money

because if u could u wouldnt be begging for money on a comedy forum whose patron saint is a middle aged man with a dragchute for an rear end in a top hat. its undignified and frankly if i was ur fiancee id be terribly embarrassed for u. if u love her u should strive to be a respectable man who earns his own way through hard planning and even harder work and having the wisdom to take the time to do things right.

u should close this thread and instead do ur pitch in the toronto thread in the LAN forum, it would make more sense there bc those people might actually be some of ur future guests.

whoflungpoop fucked around with this message at 06:00 on Jan 20, 2016

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 05:58

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

i doubt anyone thinks ur going to change ur mind, its the goon in the well scenario except the goon is shaking a change jar

u should def close this thread tho i dont know why u havent been banned yet other than the mods reopened it for folks to dogpile on u. if u take one advice close it and take ur pitch to people who are actually in ur city

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 06:19

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

swbm could u please let the op keep his thread closed?

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 06:27

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

a starwar betamax posted:

His last few replies cracked through my bitter eggroll shell and I felt a glimmer of pity for him............. but then I remembered how bad phillipeno food was

its not all bad but ang baho

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 11:32

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

im sorry i didnt mean to suggest to him to do something (close the thread) if it meant that he would get probated, i figured since no one banned him for even posting it that the mods really didnt care

it was the one piece of advice he took

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 12:09

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Spanish Manlove posted:

I don't think you guys should post about his wife because so far no one's managed to not be creepy about it but that's like just my opinion, dude.

yeah that poo poo was super loving creepy

i feel kinda bad for his future wife because it's fairly evident from the pictures that she's more than competent at what she does and makes interesting and good quality marketable food and is holding up her side of the labor division like a boss and is probably expecting her future husband to hold up his side of it with the same level of competence and from the first page when he had to text her to confirm what the ingredients on the skewer were it was evident that funding wasnt the only gap

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:04

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Dr. Tommy John posted:

Yeah, I was being too defensive to be courteous.

Thank you to anyone who backed us. I can't tell which of you are who, but it does mean a lot to us and we'll do our best not to fail spectacularly.

i see you're active in the toronto thread but i didnt look thru all the posts, have you invited toronto goons over for free samples yet? if not u definitely should, because they seem supportive of u and the best way to not look like a bum when asking for money is to give something of value first, and to a well targeted audience so you're shooting fish in a barrel instead of casting a wide net over the plastic trashflats of manila bay.

also im not actually this much of a oval office i just thought it would be fun to combine shitposting with roleplaying a Shark Tank investor. which turned out to be very cuntish. but you're an excellent writer and kinda look like tony romo and thats cute. anyway good luck and do whatever it takes to make ur fiancee happy and proud to be a part of yalls (hopefully) long venture :j:

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 16:50

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

a starwar betamax posted:

Did you have a micro stroke?

only of goodwill and sincerity its over now

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 19:25

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Pls do well on ur challenge op treat it like ur defending ur masters thesis except the examiners are in their underwear drunk and sniffing their fingers after eating fried chicken

# ¿ Jan 20, 2016 21:35

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

crazy cloud posted:

This is actually a valid strategy for achieving all sorts of goals

it sure is :kimchi:

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 05:29

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Noyemi K posted:

You should setup a gofundme when you inevitably fail and need to pay your internet bill op

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 09:05

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

a lot of my friends growing up were filipino and i learned a bit about their cultural stuffs but mostly about how hawaiian asians are racist to an extent that would make alabama blush and even tho japanese hated chinese and koreans hated japanese they all considered themselves above filipinos which is lol bc filipinos are chill and cool and smoke their cigs bakwe (backwards)

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 10:27

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

a starwar betamax posted:

OP....... I did some complicated math and you have 6.5 hours left!

uh he asked for 36 hours instead of 24 and as this thread has proven beggars can be choosers

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 10:38

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

social vegan posted:

hi social vegan here with titty dongs making a chinese burrito its like a normal burrito but it's made by a man with a child's brain you see china made paper we all know that but did u know that mexico made edible paper anyways time to pack this thing full of street rat of whatever we eat in philipines a dash of rear end juice and now i seal it closed with my human spurts good night and god bless eat at titty dongs

I want to marry ur brain

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 14:38

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

FrankieGoes posted:

They smoke the filter?

no they literally smoke it backwards with the cherry in their mouth like u would do if u had a joint but no one to give a power hit to

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 16:41

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

make an authentic filipino hotdog like the ones that are dogdick red for some reason

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 18:17

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Spanish Manlove posted:

I don't think the OP thought people would be disgusting to his wife for no reason.

its almost as if people who are incapable of forseeing blatanly obvious outcomes of their decisions make really bad decisions

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 20:54

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Dr. Tommy John posted:

I guess my final point here will be that I, too, once thought this was a comedy site.

If you are defending that as comedy the way I was reflexively led to initially then yeah, it's time for me to associate with others.

the responses by Toronto thread who genuinely like him are the best

Pivo posted:

It's sorta well-known that if you say "hey guise look at my wife" on the Internet, anonymous people are going to be weird as gently caress about it. You made it worse by asking for money. You made it even worse by doing it in GBS.

The Walrus posted:

you posted pics of your wife *directly* in a thread in gbs where you were also asking for money, in a forum where the last kickstarter was doobie. don't take this poo poo personally, you were just doobie v2.0. getting legitimately troubled because gbs was mean to you is pretty funny.

arnbiguous posted:

the whole philosophy of GBS is to poo poo on and make fun of everything and each other in the meanest way possible i have no loving clue why you thought anything else would happen

spectres of autism posted:

i dont think anyone is defending the like 3 posters out of 100,000 gbs posters who creeped on yr wife

ChickenWing posted:

RIP Thomas John, M.D.

He looked into the void, and the void called his wife a tranny

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 21:07

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Spanish Manlove posted:

So blame the victim. got it. Neat.

- perceived himself more capable and intelligent than he was. way more than his actions and attitude demonstrated to others

- tried to roll with the punches, didnt last long before becoming increasingly petulant and snide, a very unattractive quality in anyone and especially in men

- refused to own his own decisions and blamed his failure on internet strangers being creepy to his family, whined enough that even people who liked him called him out on being a dumbass, tried to close his thread because GBS was mean to him and yet kept coming back for more

but enough about u

# ¿ Jan 21, 2016 21:29

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Testikles posted:

I don't need a kickstarter to fund me!
I don't need no goons to help me!
I have read the writing on the wall,
And I don't think it's very funny at all!
No! No!
I don't need GBS at all!
All in all you were all something awful.
All in all you were all something awful.

Good-bye cruel forum
I'm leaving you today
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.
Good-bye all you assholes
You haven't hurt my feelings,
I have a business to run,
Good-bye, good-bye...
good-bye.