a very bad teacher posted:

Causing Participation Consternation
HIGH SCHOOL | TAMPA, FL, USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, POPULAR, TEACHERS
(My history teacher this year is notoriously bad. He does not let us take notes in class because “we should be engaged in class” and tries to have us guess what he is saying every few words. Everyone hates him, including the other history teachers, but he’s best friends with the headmaster of my school so he’s immune to getting fired, to everyone’s dismay.)

Teacher: “So, Henry the Eighth did what to England?”

(I raise my hand.)

Teacher: “Put your hand down [My Name]; you’ve answered already. Give other people a chance.”

(Nobody else has their hand up.)

Teacher: “See what happens when you always answer the questions? Everyone becomes dependent on you answering questions. I’m failing you for today because you are not giving other people a chance to answer the question.”

(I stop participating in class after that. Two weeks pass, and I am sleeping in class because I had just pulled an all-nighter and I am not allowed to participate in class.)

Teacher: “[MY NAME]!”

Me: “Wha… what?”

Teacher: “[My Name], stay after class. I have to talk to you about sleeping in class.”

Me: “Sure…”

(After class.)

Teacher: “Why weren’t you participating in class?”

Me: “You failed me and told me not to participate a couple weeks ago.”

Teacher: “I never said such a thing. I said to participate less. Find a middle ground!”

Me: “You failed me for raising my hand twice.”

Teacher: “No, I failed you for dominating the discussion. Today, though, sleeping in class is RUDE! It shows you don’t care.”

Me: “…”

Teacher: “What do you have to say about yourself? Was it appropriate to sleep in class?”

Me: “Sir…”

Teacher: “Was it appropriate to sleep in class?”

(I think for a few seconds.)

Me: “Yes, sir, it was appropriate to be sleeping in your class.”

Teacher: “Why?”

Me: “You don’t let us take notes; you don’t let me participate in class. If you refuse to teach me, I have better things to do with my time.”

Teacher: “YOU ARE BEING VERY RUDE. YOU ARE BEING VERY CONDESCENDING TO ME, AND AS YOUR TEACHER, YOU MUST RESPECT ME!”

(I got three detentions for that, but it was totally worth it!)

Mr. Belpit posted:

For anyone who didn't follow the last thread, the Not Always X series of bullshit publishers make very heavy edits to their submissions to make them more cookie-cutter same-y. The editors (tbh probably just one guy) are apparently from the UK, so stories submitted from the US by Americans will occasionally have incongruous Britishisms. The example from this story isn't the most egregious, but still.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Are you sure you're not from the UK because that sounds Britishy as gently caress

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

I like to call them "teeaboos".

oldpainless posted:

When in doubt just use the phrase (person) has "a touch of the 'tism"

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

These all sound realistic to me?

RNG posted:

In 12 years of public school we had 5 teachers/coaches fired for or convicted of molestation.

some guy posted:

My 1997 Ford Ranger was stolen from me in 2006. It wasnt worth too much anymore, so the isnurance cut me a check for $2,000, which I graciously accepted. It wasn;t so much the loss of the CAR per se that hurt me; I had my favorite CD's in there in a small spindle case under the drivers seat, many of which were "mix tapes" from a special person, that I could never replace. No real investigation was pursued, since I live on a border town and we were pretty certain the car was being scrapped for parts.

Fast forward to 2008.

I'm driving through Texas one day, eating Oreos (becuase honestly, if you've never driven across the wide expanse of nothing that is highway 77 while eating Oreos, well, you've never lived. I came to a truck stop in a town called Riviera (a notorious speed trap), and as I was walking in to buy some milk to wash down the double-stuff with, I saw a white Ford Ranger pull up to the drive-through car wash.

The license plates were different, but I wlaked toward the car, sensing its familar energy. I watched from a safe distance.

The driver had some difficulty with the car wash machine, and went inside to get things strait.

I looked in the truck bed, and I knew when I saw the "Rick and Mel forever" keyed into the inside of the truck bed, I knew it was MY RANGER.

I had to act fast. The line isnide was long, so I had a couple of minutes.

I ran back to my car (that i was currently driving) and grabbed my bag of Oreos.

I had long ago heard the myth that if you lick the cream side of an Oreo, and stick it to a car, the paint will come off with it when the cookie comes off.

Now, I cant verify the truth of that myth, becuase I wasn't really given the chance to.

After I was done "writing" on the passenger side of the car (which I knew he was unlikely to see) I ran off and waited.

He stormed out in a gruff. Got into his (my) pickup truck, and drove off (i guess they didnt tell him he was getting his $7 back and he felt slighted.)

He drove off into the worst speed trap in ALL OF TEXAS with "STOLEN CAR: ARREST ME" written in Oreos on the passenger side of his car.

I got a call from Riviera County police a week later. My Ranger was there, waiting for me.

I went to claim it (cost a few hundy), and when I got back into it, I looked under the seat...

And found a spindle full of irreplacable CDs, waiting for me for 2 years.

Sometimes Karma is a b***h, other times, she's your best friend.

Fathis Munk posted:

How hot of a pinecone are we talking here? More a 6 or a 9?

Samizdata posted:

Nope. Pretty sure you are the wrongest wrong that ever wronged.

Pistoph posted:

Tardigrade posted:

One of my ninth graders said they ship me with another of the student teachers

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Also I will never not find Americans referring to utes as "trucks" hilarious. Also American moms calling their kids FirstName MiddleName when they're mad

chitoryu12 posted:

shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: As I was doing so, I suddenly had some vivid memories of my past life as a tortoise. I think they were triggered by the Japanese food I had eaten.

I wish it would fit.

Khazar-khum posted:

Hamster

goon posted:

I heard a story from the guys a couple classes above me. One time they put on 3 hats, and wrote on them 1, 2, 4. Teachers were all like "No you can't wear hats in class!!" so they took the hats off, but the teachers could'nt stop thinking about hat number 3. Who was wearing it and where. I think at least one teacher had to take early retirement over that.

Ratjaculation posted:

But imagine being on the other end of this and being the person who has to get a gift for Bill Gates.

kimbo305 posted:

I don't have a sister, so maybe I don't understand, but wouldn't it be pretty easy to judge how attractive your sister was, unclothed or not?

Khazar-khum posted:

"We loved our puppy so much we threw him away!"

Khazar-khum posted:

Is there a link?

System Metternich posted:

This is spectacularly racist, wow

Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Did she have any comments on the lethal smash mouth concert?

MrUnderbridge posted:

Had a student like that.

Family is rich and has a jet (his dad was a navy dentist who had recently retired, so, no)
Had his pilots licenseat 14 (asked his mom about it and she says "Maybe in a computer game?")
Took his dad flying one day and as a prank whispered into his mike "Ignore what I'm about to say ", and then throwing the plane around yelling "Mayday! Mayday!" into his mike (see above)
Had a metal plate in his arm replacement bone skeleton. (Uhh...)
Despite that, came in with a cast on his arm (his mom said he complained to the doctor until he got one, not that he had anything really wrong)
Was fireproof (got tapped by a flame in lab one day, jerked his hand back with an "Ow!" and a girl asked innocently "I thought you were fireproof? " I had to turn around to hide my attempt not to laugh)
Was adopted (true!) from Australia (actually Nevada), and so had a terribly fake accent. For a week.
Over Thanksgiving break said he had to go up to New York to help Grumman with the problems they were having with the engines on the F-16 (so, so many things wrong there)
Had this idea for a forearm mounted flamethrower the size of a Red Bull can, and there were generals interested in his idea.
After graduation was "just chillin' at my apartment and dj-ing on the weekends. I get like 1200 a gig" While his Facebook had pics of him at his parent's house.

Surprisingly, he rarely got called out on those. Most people just went "Huh. Ok." and moved on. One guy did go "That kid's so full of poo poo! " and we couldn't bring ourselves to give him a cursing in class penalty.

Sir Lemming posted:

Maybe they're burning copies of his movies to give to all their friends? Oh wait, nobody has physical media players anymore. So I guess that means Unfortunately, everyone I know is about to turn our backs to the Rock. We used to be huge fans. My children have already started burning his movie's. Such a sad day to hear rock say this. My teen's took this really hard. Figured he was smarter than this.

SilkyP posted:

Sounds like STDH that you know this STDH person. Very meta

jjack229 posted:

Anybody who does this has to expect that the dog has been licking all kinds of things earlier, include their own genitals or another dog's butt.

Skwirl posted:

Amanda Palmer has been in New Zealand for most of last year, is a relentless self promoter, and has had her personal life widely reported in international gossip media in the last year. The least believable thing about that is the coffee shop not knowing she was Amanda Palmer.