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This seems like as good a place as any to post my TOTALLY OFFICIAL C. EVERETT KOOP IS BORED AT WORK COLLEGE FOOTBALL HEAD COACH HOT SEAT RANKINGS! Basically I divide everyone into one of five categories, although some can clearly float. They are!: Untouchable: Everyone is happy. The coach doesn't want to go anywhere and the community/boosters/AD is on the same page. There might be the stray moron who's salty about poo poo but they're few and far between. Things can go south, but it'll lead to a graceful exit, or at least the perception of one. Basically, this partnership will end either with the coach retiring or some really bad poo poo going down. Solid: People are happy, for the time being. Mostly used for success that is recent but not sustained, and the coaches listed here are fine in their current position may be looking for long-term stability where they are or looking to move up and onward to better things. Undecided: Generally used for new coaches, with a couple of exceptions. Everyone's happy for now because of the new coach smell and because he hasn't hosed anything up yet. If you have more than a year at your current job and you fall into this category then something's up. Heating Up: Not in immediate danger of being canned unless poo poo really goes south, but there's some murmuring that people aren't happy and change might be in the air if things don't turn around. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't, and good coaches not happy with their contracts or current situations can fall here. But this is generally not a good area to be in. He's On Fire!: The Hot Seat. For coaches who are in win or else situations or are running out of time on their contracts. I fully expect 90% of those who fall in this area to not be in their current positions come this December. FIRST CONFERENCE: THE ACC UNTOUCHABLE Dabo Swinney - Clemson. Unless/Until Nick Saban retires and the call of the alma mater becomes too strong to resist, Swinney is at Clemson. He's molded everything the way he wants it, he's recruiting well, he's done wonders to change the national perception of Clemson football and almost has "Clemsoning" out of our seasonal verbiage (almost). He's shown no outward ambition to jump to the NFL or another job, and it's hard to see him going anywhere but Alabama with his current success and even that's not a guarantee. Dabo can dance until the cows come home in the upstate. David Cutcliffe - Duke. Cutcliffe might not have had the same success as Dabo, but the degree of difficulty between the two is a hair bit different. He might not have a winning record through his eight years at Duke, but it's close, and he's turned Duke Football from a laughingstock to a respectable program. If he wanted Tennessee he could have had it and turned it down, so it looks like Cutcliffe will be a Dookie until he retires or Coach K has him killed. SOLID Jimbo Fisher - Florida State. Under normal circumstances a national champion-winning coach should be in the Untouchable category. But normal circumstances is a phrase foreign to Tallahassee, and Untouchable coaches aren't flirting with other programs. Jimbo's obviously safe from being terminated and it'd take a couple years of losing to Clemson/Florida/Miami to move him from here involuntarily. But the LSU talk still lingers and makes you wonder if Jimbo's planning an exit strategy, even if it's a contingency plan. Putting him here feels right for now, and a couple more ACC titles should bump him up a notch. Paul Johnson - Georgia Tech. I'm not willing to let one bad season after recent success doom Johnson. I could have a bad read on the situation but everyone's either all sunshine or doom and gloom on their coaches and eight years at the helm should buy Johnson more than one bad year. Now if Tech craps the bed this year as well he'll be down in the NBA Jam rankings but for now the Wreck is fine. Bobby Petrino - Louisville. He hasn't blown people away in his second go-round, albeit against stiffer competition than the Big East, but he hasn't gotten into any trouble either. In fact, I don't recall hearing a lot of national talk about Petrino and that's good for him and his reputation. He's stuck in a rough division behind Clemson/FSU in the ACC Atlantic, and that may end up dooming him if those two continue their current success. But no news is good news for Big Wheel Bobby. Larry Fedora - North Carolina. Had the Heels not poo poo the bed in the opening game against South Carolina last year, they would have been in the discussion for the Playoff. He's an example of someone who was starting to get in trouble after being just 21-17 after three years, but a monster year four has paid off. He's not Untouchable obviously, but short-term success buys you short-term relief. Pat Narduzzi - Pitt. Good start in year one with an 8-5 record. The Coastal is still very much up for grabs and we'll see what Narduzzi can do here. Small sample size with a good early return = solid foundation. UNDECIDED Mark Richt - Miami. Richt is this year's Jim Harbaugh. Bounced out of a situation due to circumstances mostly out of his control, he winds up at his alma mater and is a better coach than they deserve. Getting Richt is an absolute blessing for Miami and unless he's lost his touch or his passion, he should get them results. As long as they don't expect the dominance of The []_[] and keep their expectations reasonable, Richt should be here for a while. But this is Miami, and that's enough to keep Richt from the Solid ranking and in Undecided despite his track record. Dino Babers - Syracuse. Cuse football hasn't been lighting the world on fire as of late, and Babers is the latest MAC coach to have a go at making a mid-level program better than they are. I assume playing on turf in a dome should help a MACtion offense more than it would hurt but who knows. Babers should get time with the majority of attention focused on Jim Boeheim's victory lap, so we'll see what he does. Bronco Mendenhall - Virginia. Mendenhall leaving BYU wasn't a surprise; he'd gone on record as saying he wasn't a fan of independence and wanted the stability of a conference, and with BYU/Big 12 not shacking up it made sense to leave. But Mendenhall has spent his whole career out west and thus going to Charlottesville is a surprise. He's got a chance here, the Mid-Atlantic area should be ripe for the picking with Frank Beamer retired and no dominate Carolina team, so if Mendenhall can make some roads in recruiting he can have some success. But he's got his work cut out for him in trying to revive the perception of Virginia football after some recent lackluster teams. Justin Fuente - Virginia Tech. Normally you don't want to be the guy who ends up replacing The Guy, but the Beamer Ball era ended about as gracefully as it could have and thus expectations won't be sky-high coming in for Fuente. What we'll have to wait and see is what will happen if/once he loses to Virginia or the team doesn't make a bowl; will people understand that success takes time or will they rant and rave and grab their pitchforks? That's the big question in Blacksburg. HEATING UP Dave Doeren - NC State. 18-20 through three seasons, just 7-6 last year. Doeren's tenure in Raleigh has been solid but unspectacular and it's time to show something. Again, State is stuck in the Atlantic instead of the far more manageable Coastal, but if Doeren doesn't get to eight wins and show some life, State could be looking for a new coach fairly soon. HE'S ON FIRE! Steve Addazio - Boston College. Losing all of your conference games is generally considered a bad thing and usually leads to a coach getting fired, unless he's inherited a dumpster fire. Addazio doing it in year three is a really bad sign and it's a bit of a surprise that he's getting a year four. BC's defense is generally acceptable, if not good, but the offense was absolutely dreadful. If that doesn't turn around, it'll be someone else's job to make people care about someone other than the Pats. Dave Clawson - Wake Forest. They don't expect great things from athletics in Deaconville, but they expect better than 6-18 and to have a better record in games where you don't score a TD than in games where you do. It's hard to see Clawson getting a fourth year if he goes 3-9 or worse once again, because while beggars can't be choosers, even the hungriest man knows not to shove his face in a pile of manure.
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May 31, 2016 21:24
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HOLY poo poo LET'S TALK ABOUT THE BIG TEN UNTOUCHABLE Mark Dantonio - Michigan State. The Rodney Dangerfield of the college game. The only one in conference to beat Urbz since he came to Columbus (twice!), Dantonio's won three conference titles, won the Rose Bowl, and turned Sparty from the little brother to the big brother. They're kinda stuck playing second fiddle behind Ohio State and Michigan in the Big Ten East, at least in terms of national perception, but all that means is a permanent "No one respects us" card for Dantonio to play. If anyone lets him leave East Lansing they're a fool. Pat Fitzgerald - Northwestern. Probably the best player in the program's history and probably the best coach as well. (Note: I did no research on this and don't care to) It's terrifying to think that Fitz has been the head coach for a decade and is still just 41 years old. He's an alum and Northwestern through and through, and there does remain a remote possibility that he'll wake up one day and decided it's the right time/place to leave, maybe like the Bears or something I dunno, but if he wanted to go bigger and better in the college game he could have by now. Urban Meyer - Ohio State. If you don't think that Saban is the best coach in the game it probably means you think Meyer is, and saying they're 1A and 1B isn't disrespecting either man. All he's done since leaving his heart in Gainesville is go 50-4 with the first ever playoff title in the school's trophy case. He's untouchable because you'd have to be the biggest dumbass in history to let him go, but given how his Florida tenure ended it's fair to question if he'll be at Ohio State for the long haul or if he'll want to get out of the game in the near future. Whatever he decides, it'll be on his, or most likely his doctor's, terms. SOLID Kirk Ferentz - Iowa. Amazing what running the regular season gets you. At 17 years he's second in tenure (tied with Bob Stoops behind Bill Snyder), and everyone who's been bitching for the majority of the decade about him and his contract has now shut up about it. At the very least the 2015 season should allow Ferentz to pick his exit instead of having it dictated for him. Whether he manages to create a plan of succession for his son or the school decides to call bert home remains to be seen, but Ferentz has earned the right to land his plane. Jim Harbaugh - Michigan. I was very close to putting Harbaugh in the Untouchable category, simply because it's hard to see either side parting at this point, but when you burn as hard and as bright as he does things can come to a premature end if poo poo goes wrong. For all of his antics and actions the man can loving coach; he took Brady Hoke's scraps and turned them into a ten win team that went ten quarters without letting anyone score. He's also recruiting at a level that can make Michigan a national power again, which is the acceptable basement for him. I don't think it's out of the question to say if Harbaugh doesn't win or make an appearance in the national championship by the end of the decade, his Wolverine tenure could be considered a disappointment. For now he can tweet and plan satellite camps on actual satellites all he wants, but if he doesn't deliver the public perception on him will change in a flash. Paul Chryst - Wisconsin. Considering that Barry Alvarez has managed to run off the two coaches who succeeded him, it's hard to call anyone in Madison anything more than solid. But similar to Pat Narduzzi at Pitt, Chryst had early success in year one and that leads to a solid foundation in year two, and Badger should be the favorite in the Big Ten West because there's no way Iowa can pull this undefeated poo poo off twice in a row. Whether or not Chryst is the long term solution will depend on how well he takes his AD telling him how to do his job. Literally. UNDECIDED Lovie Smith - Illinois. Considering the dreck that Illini football's been in since the Zooker won the first six games of his final season, getting Smith is a better haul than they deserve. Yes, Smith can coach because he got to the Super Bowl with the Sex Cannon as his QB, and he deserved better than what he got from the Bucs, but whether Lovie can connect with his players at the college level remains to be seen. If the expectation is for Illinois to be at the level of Ohio State and Michigan out of the game then Lovie will fail; if he's given time to build up the program then they might have a shot. D.J. Durkin - Maryland. It's not been a great start to the Big Ten campaign for the Terps, and Durkin's got his work cut out for him. The idea that Under Armour would turn Maryland into the Oregon of the east hasn't worked out so far, and it remains to be seen how well Durkin can recruit in the northeast, where talent is in short supply. His division is brutal as well, so getting to the middle of the pack in a couple of years has to be seen as a win. Tracy Claeys - Minnesota. A safe, uninspiring selection. He's on a short-term contract making relative chump change, so if he's not able to build on Jerry Kill's success then Claeys will be gone in a heartbeat. It's not the greatest vote of confidence from an AD and while any winning season will probably lead to an extension, it's just hard to see Minnesota becoming a factor, even in the Big Ten West. Then again, Iowa. Chris Ash - Rutgers. Similar to Maryland but with even less to work with. For a program that's been around as long as they have, you'd think they'd be able to figure out a winning formula at some point. Trying to go toe to toe with Michigan for recruits is a losing battle, but it's one that Ash and Co. at least have to give a go at. Somehow, I can't shake the feeling that Greg Schiano is somehow going to pull at Petrino and end up back at Rutgers. HEATING UP Kevin Wilson - Indiana. Getting Indiana to a bowl game for the first time in a million billion years should mean that Wilson gets a lifetime contract and a statue of himself on the quad. But 20-41 in five years is still a rough mark, and if Indiana backslides Wilson could find himself on the outs. Make another bowl, and maybe win it this time, and Wilson could find himself with a wealth of opportunities, in Bloomington or elsewhere. Mike Riley - Nebraska. Apparently the only qualification to be a coach at Nebraska after Bo Pelini is "Don't be an rear end in a top hat." Riley has the pedigree, but his Oregon State tenure wasn't setting the world on fire and Nebraska only made a bowl in spite of their 5-7 record. Husker thinks it should be a contender in the East and the conference in general, but it's doubtful that Riley is the person to get them there, and they can take the place of Miami as 80's powerhouse completely lost in the modern era. James Franklin - Penn State. The line on Franklin was that he could coach, considering he had success at Vanderbilt at all places. But 14-12 in two years, being slammed by your QB on the way out the door, and life in a vicious division makes you wonder if Franklin's success at Vandy was due more to a power vacuum in the SEC East than his coach prowess. It also makes you wonder if Happy Valley's a place where you can win if both B.O.B. and Franklin fail out in short order. Digging up JoePa's corpse is an attractive idea to some, but not a route to victory unless you're a card-carrying member of NAMBLA. HE'S ON FIRE! Darrell Hazell - Purdue. He somehow got Kent State, Kent loving State, to within a game of the BCS, but Purdue has shown to be an even more helpless situation. 6-30 in three years, he probably should have been fired after last year's 2-10 effort but Purdue either didn't like the market or didn't have the funds to pay Hazell and a new coach. It's hard to see things getting any better and short of an absolute miracle, some other poor sucker will be given the chance to make Purdue football something other than a punchline. C. Everett Koop fucked around with this message at 23:14 on Jun 2, 2016 |
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Jun 2, 2016 23:09
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computer parts posted:Assuming it's not your fault, I guess the university would be on the hook for your buyout. Basically look what happened at UAB.
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Jun 6, 2016 13:31
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Goddammit now I'm gonna have to do all of the mid-majors and actually learn stuff about them instead of making poo poo up like I usually do.
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Jun 6, 2016 21:49
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WELL SWEET JESUS IT'S KINDA EASY TO TALK ABOUT THE BIG 12 THAN THESE OTHER MONSTROSITIES UNTOUCHABLE Bill Snyder - Kansas State. If they name the stadium after you it generally means you're in a good place. At this point Snyder's main concern is coming up with a plan of succession better than "Ron Prince" because Grandpa can't come bail everyone out if they gently caress up again. He's coming up on 25 years at the helm and while he's certainly earned the right to pick his deboarding point, you kinda want to wonder if Snyder's sticking around just to lend some attractiveness to K-State in the increasingly unstable Big 12 and the chaos that might soon unfold. Bob Stoops - Oklahoma. After all of the BS about "Big Game Bob" and how he can't win the Big One (despite the fact that, you know, he kinda did), making the Playoffs last year shuts everyone up for a while. With Texas still floundering and Baylor heading into their rightfully-earned exile, Oklahoma's the main player in the Big 12. Whether or not the conference can keep viable in the ever-increasing arms race or can stop punching itself in the dick isn't Stoops job to fix; he just has to keep winning games and let the problems sort themselves out. Gary Patterson - TCU. From mid-major to major power, Patterson's rode the Frogs all the way. A minor step back last year isn't anything to panic about and Patterson's got the TCU job for as long as he wants. He'll also benefit from the vacuum left behind by Baylor in terms of recruits, since those who want to play in that heads-up tempo can go to Ft. Worth instead of Waco; I've never been to either place but I'd have to imagine being within spitting range of Dallas has to be better than Waco unless you like your BBQ's to be government-sponsored. SOLID Mike Gundy - Oklahoma State. Now a 48-year old man, Gundy seemed like he could have been on the outs a few years ago but he won a power struggle over his AD and now is in charge of Okie Lite. He's only in Solid because while he's won the conference (RIP Justin Blackman glad I never bought your throwback), he hasn't had the major national success that others in the conference had. But as long as T. Boone doesn't go broke with all the oil stuff happening, Gundy should be fine. UNDECIDED Mike Campbell - Iowa State. Good luck? He doesn't really have a ton to work with and won't benefit in the short term from Hawkeye remembering how to play football. His best hope is to find some gems in 'cruitin' and hope that the middle of the pack takes a tumble down. Campbell still has his work cut out for him. David Beaty - Kansas. Yes, he lost every game last season and was astonishingly bad for a supposed Power 5 team, but it's not like he had anything to work with. If we're going to give Clawson at Wake a pass for having empty cupboards, Charlie Weis was tearing the copper out of the walls at Kansas. Plus it's not like anyone has any expectations for Jayhawk last season anyway; since Mangino won 12 games the program has only won 12 games total. Considering he's had to make BBQ out of a box of crayons and the lack of hope in Lawrence outside of basketball, it's pretty much fair to pretend last season didn't happen and start Beaty off fresh this year. HEATING UP Kliff Kingsbury - Texas Tech. If anyone could make the jump and fill Baylor's shoes Tejas Tech could be the popular candidate; Koach Kliffy K's got himself a QB that can win some games and that's generally enough to be competitive in the Big 12. If the D can go from "tire fire" to just "well it's 11 healthy bodies" or even a high mark of  then TTU can be a player in the division. Otherwise, another year of hanging around the 7 win mark is going to make people wonder if Kingsbury got the keys to the kingdom a little too soon.HE'S ON FIRE! Jim Grobe - Baylor. Jim Grobe is not the long term answer at Baylor and everyone, including Grobe, knows that. The question is whether Grobe serves out the next six months and is given a hearty handshake and slap on the behind as he's escorted out the back, or whether he'll be the one installing screen doors on the Baylor sub as it ventures through whatever NCAA penalties get handed down. If there's any justice in the world Baylor will be quite toxic for a good long time, so it may make sense to keep Grobe around since no one worth their salt is going to want to hinge their reputation on making Baylor great again. But Grobe coached at Wake for the longest time so he'll be used to working with limited resources. Charlie Strong - Texas. This very much feels like a good coach at the wrong place. Strong can coach, but his personal skills don't vibe with a place full of people high on their own farts, even moreso than Tuscaloosa. Jumping onto the life raft that was Miami may have been the smart plan for Strong this offseason, but pride wasn't going to let him leave Texas after just two years, even if he is a dead man walking now. Strong deserves a good long run at a school that will give him the support and space that he needs, unfortunately Texas is not and never will be that place. Dana Holgorson - West Virginia. With a contract set to expire at the end of next season and neither side close to an agreement, it very much looks like Holgo the Magnificent will be coming down the mountain after this year. Whether or not he lands another head coaching job or goes back to being an OC depends on how well West Fuckin' Virginia does, 36-28 along with an Orange Bowl win carries some weight. You get the feeling that he'd be perfect to go out west to the Pac-12, but that's a wait and see. C. Everett Koop fucked around with this message at 22:22 on Jun 6, 2016 |
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Jun 6, 2016 22:17
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kayakyakr posted:Way off on Kliff Kingsbury. He's just 19-19 through three years, that doesn't scream solid to me unless you're at a Kansas or something along those lines. But I think Mahomes is a good QB and Heisman dark horse and TTU can make some noise this year, so 8-9 wins would boost him into Solid for next season.
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Jun 6, 2016 22:31
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PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE HAS JOB SECURITY IN THE PAC-12!!! UNTOUCHABLE David Shaw - Stanford Shaw had some big shoes to fill, coming in the wake of Harbaugh and Andrew Luck. All Shaw has done is win 54 games, the conference three times, claim two Rose Bowl titles, and produce yet another white running back heisman runner-up. As an alum Shaw's where he wants to be; occasionally you hear his name tossed around for NFL jobs but it's quickly denied. Shaw should be on the Farm for a long, long time. SOLID Rich Rodriguez - Arizona Still flying high off of the Fiesta Bowl a couple of years ago. The Pac-12 South is wide open and Arizona might not be a favorite, but their offense means they can get into shootouts with anyone. Add in that huge balloon payment deal that I really don't fully understand and Rich Rod should be fine in Tuscon. Might the call of going back to West Fuckin' Virginia loom too large in the offseason? Perhaps, but I think Rich Rod stays in the desert for a while. Todd Graham - Arizona State For all the jokes about Todd Graham being the ultimate mercenary and con man and having family at all of these different jobs, he's been at ASU for four years now, which is good for third in Pac-12 tenure (it also says something about coaching stability in the conference but I digress). The Sun Devils have been good but not great under Graham; good enough to beat USC bad enough that they fired Kiffen at the airport tarmac but not able to get over the hump and consistently beat the elite teams in the North. Graham's wanderlust may get the better of him eventually or the tides might turn against him and force a change, but for now Graham doesn't have to scour Craigslist for Housing Wanted. Sonny Dykes - Cal An odd choice considering Dykes looked like he was on his way out of Berkeley not to long ago. A raise and an extension to 2019 has cooled down those rumors, due to Cal going 8-5 last year after winning just six games his first two seasons. It's a similar situation to Graham in that this might not be the long term answer for either party, but for now everyone's happy. Ask me again in six months what happy means, though. Mark Helfrich - Oregon You think he'd be untouchable, given the Heisman Trophy winner and the Playoff appearance two years ago. But last year wasn't great for the Ducks, 9-4 a noticeable slip from the success in the Chip Kelly seasons. It's not enough to cause widespread panic, but it does make your ears perk up a little bit and wonder if Helfrich can keep things going after Kelly's final classes are wrapping up. Long-term planning/health at QB can only help after Vernon Adams, Jr. didn't work out as well as they were hoping for. It's worth keeping an eye on this; will Helfrich continue to drop and find himself on the outs, can Duckies return to their recent glory, or will they peter along in the 8-10 win range, a step behind Stanford and maybe Washington, and will a place that's only used to recent football success be happy with that or willing to roll the dice for more? Jim Mora, Jr. - UCLA If I wrote this a week or two ago Mora would be squarely in the Heating Up category, as Mora hasn't been able to claim a very winnable division in his last three years after doing so in his first. But a contract extension and a raise means the seat has cooled down thanks to cold hard cash, and thus Mora joins the rest of his colleagues on the Solid pile. With USC in flux and neither Arizona school able to make the leap the South should be UCLA's to lose; the problem is that they've found a way to lose it. Josh Rosen should be a Heisman contender this season and it's not out of the realm of possibility that the Bruins might contend for a playoff spot. It's just that it's also been in the cards to drop a couple key games and stuck in a mid-tier bowl. Kyle Whittingham - Utah 12 years at the helm of the Utes, Whittingham won a power struggle with his AD and is staying in the SLC. Utah finally showed some life in the Pac-12 South after struggling in the initial transition, only to not have enough horses in the end. He's not untouchable because of the struggle and the lack of recent success, but the fears that Utah was in over its head have been calmed for now. Chris Petersen - Washington This is supposed to be the year for Petersen and the Huskies. Washington being the ones to pry Petersen from the blue fields of Boise was seen as a major coup and while there weren't immediate dividends, the hype is on for this season. The North is a lot rougher than the south, with Stanford as top dog and Oregon still deserving of respect, so this could all fall apart quickly. But what separates Petersen from someone like Butch Jones is that if everything goes pear-shape, Petersen's reputation means he'll be given the chance to rebuild and try again. Mike Leach - Washington State Leach does well in remote, desolate areas and Pullman is as remote and desolate as it gets. After being railroaded out of Lubbock due to a hooker killer (five of them), Leach seemed to be in over his head trying to match firepower with someone like Oregon. But a nine-win season last year brought back faith in the Pirate, as well as the underlying fact that a coach of Leach's calibur doesn't voluntarily come to the area that often. Keep the expectations reasonable and the big boys on their toes, and Leach can stay in the Palooze for a long while. UNDECIDED Clay Helton - USC After taking over for the last two USC coaches, Sark and DACOACHO, Helton's finally gone from leasing to buying as he's given the key to the USC Ferrari. It remains to see if Helton can keep the program on the elite level it hasn't been for a decade but still thinks it is, or what kind of institutional support he'll get after Lynn Swann was hired as AD despite having as much administrative experience as everyone in this thread, and possibly less depending on what lurkers we have here. Helton might have a decent leash, he might be gone soon as Swann wants to make a flashy hire to stoke the LA market, or no one could have a loving clue what they're doing and the bottom falls out. Good on Helton getting a shot, but those supercars can spin out real quick if you don't know how to handle them. HEATING UP Gary Andersen - Oregon State Beavs certainly didn't expect to lose Mike Riley to Nebraska last season, and definitely didn't expect to replace Riley with Wisconsin's former coach. But they probably expected to do better than 2-10 last season, but that's what they were. With the Washington's and Cal trending up, Stanford holding steady at the top and the cross-state rivals still several levels above the Beavers, it's hard to see any traction being made in the near future. Winning a conference game would help, poo poo winning any games would help. HE'S ON FIRE Mike MacIntyre - Colorado The only good thing about Colorado jumping from the Big 12 is that the Pac is stable and the Buffs aren't having to go through realignment drama. The bad news is that they've had the absolute poo poo kicked out of them since making the transition. They've won five conference games in five seasons, haven't had a winning season since 2005, and only finished not last once, in their first Pac-12 season where they were tied for fifth. Mac's had three years to try and turn things around, if year four doesn't involve some kind of progress, potentially bowl or bust, someone else will be the next sucker in front of the stampede. C. Everett Koop fucked around with this message at 21:31 on Jun 13, 2016 |
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Jun 13, 2016 21:28
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EVERYONE DESERVES TO LOSE THEIR JOB AND DIE ALONE AND UNLOVED IN THE SEC UNTOUCHABLE Nick Saban - Alabama. The GodKing. You might think that Urbz is better and I can somewhat accept that. Maybe Harbaugh if you're really stretching it. But there's no one else that I'd accept and reasonable people should accept, and since we're talking about college football fans reasonable ain't welcome around here. The most impressive part about what Saban has done is that he's actually made it a non-insane question to ponder if he's the best coach in school history and not the Bear, since the Bear is part of the Holy Trinity in Alabama. You might hear his name thrown out with Texas again or an NFL team if Saban wants the Bama boosters to buy him an island or something, but Tuscaloosa is Saban's final destination. Thank God. SOLID bert - Arkansas. I'm torn here. The record, 18-20, isn't good. But he's improved every year he's been at Ar Kansas, topping out at 8-5 last year. But you really have to wonder if that's the ceiling, considering the competition they face at least six times a year in the SEC West. It means bert is fine for now, but an eight-win season isn't sustainable for that fanbase. So if bert can't crack the ten-win barrier as easily as he cracked the 300-lb one, he'll be "encouraged" to see if Iowa's got an opening. Jim McElwain - Florida. Yes, he won the East last year and everyone's happy. But the wheels fell off the bus after they already clinched, leading to an offense-free November and three rough losses to end the season. He's not Untouchable because I need more than one season of good results to judge, and Will Muschamp had that one good season before he got tired of scoring points. But so far so good in Gainesville. Dan Mullen - Mississippi State. By record and accomplishment he should be Untouchable; 55-35 and the school's first ever stay at #1 in the polls would be more than enough at a place that hasn't had a ton of success. But to me, Untouchable is a two-way commitment; both the institution and the individual have to be happy and wanting to keep it going. From accounts, Mullen's been looking to cash in these past few off-seasons, either for a different (and potentially easier) challenge or just wanting to see if he can sell high. We'll see what he can do with Dak Prescott gone, fun times in Starkvegas. Hugh Freeze - Ole Miss. Greg Sankey recently stated that everyone in the conference was off probation and it's good that he said it then, because Freeze and Ole Miss will certainly be on it soon. He's done well, taking a school infected with Houston Nutt and turning them into a contender, beating Bama twice and winning the Sugar Bowl last year. Win the West and get off with a slap on the wrist and he'll move into Untouchable territory. UNDECIDED Les Miles - LSU. I don't have a loving clue what's going on in Baton Rouge and I don't think anyone else does either. Miles was good as gone after losing to Bama for a fifth consecutive time, followed by bert hitting a big splash and Ole Miss dropping the People's Elbow. But a literal last-second stay of execution kept Miles in place and another great recruiting class has them as contenders once more. Miles might be Untouchable considering he's won a power struggle with his AD, or he might be a dead man walking if he drops to Bama again and all that support vanishes. Talent is great and he's got the best back in the nation, but wasting elite talent is an LSU tradition as seen by :pulls out scroll that falls to the floor and keeps going:. LSU could run the table and win the title, they could start off hot and lose to Bama and poo poo the bed again, they could fall all over themselves and struggle just to make a bowl. Nothing's out of the realm of possibility with Les Miles and LSU, so they get the default category in lieu of a better answer. Barry Odom - Missouri. Mizzou went through some poo poo last year, with the football team protesting racial issues to Gary Pinkel announcing a retirement due to a cancer diagnosis, and that was just one week. Football went from winning the East twice to hating the idea of scoring touchdowns, and campus culture basically devolved into Stormfront v. Tumblr. Odom's a grad and a hope for stability in a place that desperately needs it right now. I wouldn't have any great expectations for Mizzou this coming season, but we'll see what Odom can do down the line in a winnable SEC East. HE'S HEATING UP Gus Malzahn - Auburn. Yes, he just signed an extension, and that was enough to move Mora Jr. from Heating Up to Solid. But this is Auburn, and it's not like they hesitate to dump a coach who doesn't live up to expectations regardless of recent accomplishments. Being picked to win the SEC last year and then finishing last in the West doesn't help either. Getting said extension is enough to move Malzahn completely off the hot seat, but not very far, and a repeat from last year is likely to give great consideration for a change. Kirby Smart - Georgia. Is it fair that I'm taking a first-year head coach and not even giving them the neutral rating? No, but when you're replacing a coach who consistently won at a school, if not the school, of outsized expectations, then fair ain't welcomed here. Smart is the guy who's going to take Georgia over the top and into national championship glory or he'll be dumped and the next sucker will come in, simple as that. You don't give in to the drooling masses to dump the 10-win coach and then be happy when the next guy only wins 8, re: Nebraska. Smart is either going to produce and do so very soon, or he'll be back to coordinating defenses only. Will Muschamp - South Carolina. He's also a new coach at a new school that isn't getting a completely fair shake, but he's as responsible for that as anyone. His Florida tenure didn't end on great terms and his one year as DC at Auburn didn't set the world on fire. Add in that he was clearly a fallback option for South Carolina after they whiffed on Tom Herman and you've got a situation that's destined to fail. The key will be what happens to AD Ray Tanner, who coached the baseball team to a couple national titles before being promoted upstairs. Tanner's got enough goodwill to be allowed to retire instead of being tossed out; if retirement rumors start up Muschamp won't be around for long. Butch Jones - Tennessee. The easy and obvious comparison here is to Chris Petersen and Washington, in that this is supposed to be "the year" for both teams. The difference comes not just in competition, with the Pac-12 North far more difficult to win than the SEC East, but in expectations for both programs and their head coaches. If Washington struggles or can't get past Stanford, Petersen's got the past resume and the backing of the community to reload and try again. If Jones fails, the pressure will be on the Tennessee administration to find someone else to do his job. That's why Petersen is in solid and Jones is in Heating Up. Both are expected to deliver, but the consequences are far more dire for one than the other. Derek Mason - Vanderbilt. Vandy's back to being Vandy, and while that's normally not a good thing, it hurts when you follow the one guy who actually managed to win a game or two in Nashville. Things got a little bit better last year and unless the bottom completely falls out I don't think Mason will be canned after this season, but six wins in a bad division isn't an unreal expectation and one Mason needs to achieve soon if he wants to keep his job. HE'S ON FIRE! Mark Stoops - Kentucky. Year four for Stoops after a pair of 5-7 seasons that consisted of strong starts and flat finishes. Yes, there's quite a buyout that would need to be paid if Kentucky wants to ditch their coach, but missing a bowl in four straight seasons, plus however many Joker Phillips didn't make, is a long time to struggle in a division with winnable games. It's bowl or bust for Stoops. Kevin Sumlin - Texas A&M. The coach on the hot seat. Things started great for Sumlin and Aggie with Johnny Football farting around and winning games and Heismans. But the wins haven't come as freely since then, and Manziel's reputation post-college have only added to talk about the sense of entitlement around College Station. Add in not one but two 5* QBs transferring out after last year and a third 5* bailing after a coach was Mad on Twitter and you get the sense that Sumlin is the new coach who has lost control of his team. Either Sumlin rights the ship and rights it now, or there'll be quite the bidder's market for coaches in Texas.
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Jun 16, 2016 22:38
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Helfrich is also a year removed from making the national championship. Oregon had a down year by their recent standards but still a good year. I try to keep Undecided for coaches with clean slates or extenuating circumstances; Helfrich is neither. If the Duckies drop to 8-4 or 7-5, then you'd see him Warming Up or even On Fire, but that's to be decided later. I've got plans to do the other conferences, but I need to do some research on them, and I've got vacation plans which don't include effort-posting on the internet. Feel free to make your own or babble about whatever and I'll post more inaccurate garbage later.
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Jun 23, 2016 21:51
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OOOOOOOOOH poo poo KOOP'S BACK FROM VACATION AND STILL DOESN'T KNOW A drat THING ABOUT THE 'MURICAN! UNTOUCHABLE Ken Niamatalolo - Navy. If he was going to leave, it would have been this past offseason and to BYU. Passing that up means he's a Navy lifer and given the success they've had not just as an Independent but in their one year in the 'Murica, there's no effort to push him out. Add in that the triple option isn't an offense that major programs are going to be adapting anytime soon and Niamatalolo will be out at sea for a good, long while. SOLID Tom Herman - Houston. H-Town getting a second year out of Herman is an unexpected windfall. They're the odds on favorites to repeat not just as 'Murica champs but Group of 5 reps in the Cotton Bowl, and some chaos might even let the Cougs sniff the Top 10 and get everyone's knickers into a twist over a mid-major making the Playoff. It will remain to be seen what the reaction to a couple of losses will be, especially with Week 1 being against Oklahoma, but Herman's value is high enough and a potential Texas buyer's market means Houston will be the business of finding a new coach in a few months, albeit with about five million bucks or so in their wallets. Chad Morris - SMU. Year one wasn't great but the Pony Express bottomed out in 2014 after June Jones got tired of life. Morris was seen as a good hire out of Clemson and will need some time just to find bodies. Bowling this season is probably out of the question, but 4-5 wins this season isn't an unrealistic expectation. Baylor's downfall will certainly help as some talent should fall through the cracks and into Morris' spread system. Matt Rhule - Temple. The Owls, long a punchline, were a decent team last year, going toe to toe with Notre Dame in a game that had far more national importance than Temple-Notre Dame should have had. Coming off a 10-win season and signed through 2021, the biggest issue will be keeping Rhule in Killadelphia; being a Penn State alum you'd have to think he's very interested in how James Franklin plays out in Happy Valley. Philip Montgomery - Tulsa. Went 6-7 last year, his first year. Not good. But not bad. Just kinda there, which is about as Tulsa as you can be. But it's enough of a result for Montgomery to not be in Undecided. I'd say let's see what he does this year, but I ain't watching Tulsa unless I'm getting paid to. Bob Diaco - UConn. Showed some great improvement last season in going 6-7 and getting to a bowl game, especially since no one gives a poo poo about UConn football outside of their locker room. Asking the Huskies to be a contender in the 'Murica is a bridge too far, but another bowl appearance isn't out of the question. For a former Notre Dame coordinator, it'll be about getting UConn high enough to look attractive for the next move. His timing in picking a fight with a downed UCF was excellent as well. Willie Taggart - USF. Taggart looked like he was on his way out the door, but a late-season surge turned the Bulls into 'Murica contenders and brought Taggart a contract extension. Things are good in Tampa for right now, but it's hard to call 8-5 a truly solid foundation to build off of. UNDECIDED Scottie Montgomery - East Carolina. The firing of Ruffin McNeill after a perfectly acceptable average season came as a real shock, especially considering that schools try to not do their alums dirty like that, if only not to upset the donations cart. It's also not like the world was beating down Montgomery's door, he was the OC at Duke and while Duke's no longer an embarrassment they're not exactly a national power. Montgomery's gonna have to win and win quick in order to justify the move and to please a school that thinks a little too highly of themselves. Mike Norvell - Memphis. Filling the role vacated by Justin Fuente. Memphis showed out this past season, highlighted by beating Ole Miss, which means it's probably nowhere but down for Norvell. Good luck bud! Willie Fritz - Tulane. His fifth stop as a head coach after climbing the ranks, starting at Cam Newton's alma mater Blinn Community College. He'll bring some kind of Pistol/Triple Option O with him, meaning we'll need to schedule a game between them and Georgia Tech and see if we can get it in under two hours. It's a dice roll for Tulane but one worth taking; the benefits of Fritz hitting it big far outweigh hiring random coordinator X and hoping for rain. Scott Frost - UCF. UCF crashed like the stock market, going from major bowl game to winless season in the time it takes George O'Leary to edit a resume. Frost comes from Oregon which means the Knights are gonna chuck the ball all over the place and prob not play a lick of D to begin with. UCF likes to think of themselves as a future power just waiting to be unleashed, with their massive undergrad enrollment and all, but we'll see if Frost is the one to harness all this potential. HE'S HEATING UP None HE'S ON FIRE! Tommy Tubberville - Cincinnati. While the overall record is good at 25-14, it's been a downhill one, as Cincy won the Big East in it's last year but limped to 7-6 last season. More importantly, Tubbs is only signed through next season, and lord knows that Tommy Tubberville is one to plan and execute an exit strategy. Add in that Tubbs didn't sign up to coach lesser division football and unless there's a turnaround in both record and conference reputation, it makes sense that this relationship is headed to a divorce. Whether Tubbs can make it back to the Power 5 level (Baylor?) remains to be seen.
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Jul 11, 2016 19:50
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I GUESS C-USA IS STILL A THING? UNTOUCHABLE Doc Holliday - Marshall. Six years at Marshall, a 50-28 record, a C-USA title, and most importantly his name not in anyone's mouth when it comes to job openings. At 59 he's got one more move in him if he wants it, but you get the feeling that if Holliday wanted to move he would have done so already, which is really the key to getting the "Untouchable" label in the mid-majors. He's not the leader in tenure (or even in the top 3), but Holliday looks like he'll crack that list sooner than later. SOLID Skip Holtz - Louisiana Tech. Ol' Slobbin' Lou's son might be the guy who's a AAAA-type of coach: can win games at the lower levels but can't cut the mustard in the big leagues. Success at East Carolina got him to a less than stellar South Florida stint (which isn't the big leagues I know), but Skippy has rebounded at LaTech. While just 22-17, the Fightin' Mailmen went 9-4 last year and Holtz has shown no signs of trying to get back up to the FBS, at least for now. He's got a home in Ruston for a good minute here if he wants it. Rick Stockstill - Middle Tennessee. Stockstill's spent a decade in Murfreesboro, making him the current clubhouse leader in tenure. No one sane spends that long in a Tennessee small town, so either Stockstill has a basement full of chopped up children or he really likes the place. Just 7-6 last year but the competition in C-USA isn't that much tougher than the Sun Belt (and by advanced metrics it's actually worse), so we'll see if Stockstill needs to produce or face a trip back to civilization. Bobby Wilder - Old Dominion. Wilder's been the one driving the Monarchs up to the FBS level, and going 5-7 after a 6-6 transition year bodes well for his success. Betting on ODU to make a bowl soon seems like a smart bet, whether Wilder will be there to see it or he'll cash out remains to be seen. David Bailiff - Rice. The poor man's David Cutcliffe. He's 53-60 after nine years on the job, but this is Rice and expectations are a wee bit lower than at most places. He's even helped the Krispies to some success, although whether that's because Rice was legitimately decent or because the level of competition has fallen off is the question. Even though the bottom fell out last season, Rice won't be looking to make a change anytime soon. A little more success and he's probably untouchable. Jeff Brohm - Western Kentucky. He's someone that I'm surprised is still in the same place. WKU won C-USA last year and their QB graduated, which is usually the key to a coach trying to sell high and cash in on their success in a bigger program. It could be a case where Brohm didn't like his options, or maybe he's gambling on another good season and getting one of the Texas jobs that Tom Herman passes up. The school would like it if Brohm stays for a good long while, but I'd bet that Brohm's off to bigger and better relatively soon. UNDECIDED Seth Littrell - North Texas. Littrell comes from Oklahoma, so he knows the area and which recruits to nab between the cracks. Other than that, C-USA's fairly wide open so if the Mean Green can be decent, success won't be that far off. Jay Hopson - Southern Miss. At least Todd Monken left Hattiesburg better than he found it. USM went from a bottomed out program to a C-USA contender in Monken's tenure, and so Hopson gets to benefit from the crops that were planted. Just don't follow Favre on Snapchat. Frank Wilson - UTSA. I think Wilson's only the second coach in Roadrunner history after Larry Coker, or at least as a major program, but I don't feel like looking that up to confirm/deny it. Either way, it's another Texas program to compete for the scraps the big boys leave behind, except said scraps sometimes turn out to be pretty drat good. They still playing home games in the Alamodome when they probably couldn't sell out the Spurs arena? HEATING UP Brad Lambert - Charlotte. It's unfair to put Lambert here considering that Charlotte's starting their program from scratch, but 2-10 in their first eligible year isn't a promising start. Undecided may be a more fair category, but we need to see something from Lambert and the 49ers this season to eliminate any notion that he's in over his head. A bad season won't move Lambert from this area, but it will raise questions. HE'S ON FIRE! Charlie Partridge - FAU. Back to back 3-9 seasons mean year three is boom or bust. Either the Owls need to show improvement or FAU needs to look for a new coach. Ron Turner - FIU. The AD forced out Mario Cristobol for Retread Ronnie, and he's been rewarded with a 10-26 record, albeit 5-7 last season. The move was scorned when it happened and it hasn't paid off, so unless the AD has some real solid support, it could be curtains for both real soon. Sean Kugler - UTEP. 14-23 in three years, 5-7 last year. Probably bowl or bust in El Paso, although I could see a stay of execution if the Miners are close again.
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Jul 13, 2016 21:51
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MAC DADDY WILL MAKE YOU JUMP JUMP DADDY MAC WILL MAKE YOU JUMP JUMP UNTOUCHABLE Frank Solich - Ohio. He's long since proven that Nebraska were idiots for letting him go. He's also the undisputed king of MAC tenure, 11 years in Athens while the next highest is four. As I've ran into the ground time and time again, this is another coach who could have left for greener pastures if they wanted to but haven't for whatever reason, and both sides are ok with that. All that's missing from Solich's Ohio resume is a conference title, and once that happens they can start naming things after him. SOLID Terry Bowden - Akron. I'm not sure what Bowden's endgame is. He had success at Auburn, was out of the coaching game and on TV for the longest time, came back at North Alabama, and then went to Akron, where he got them to a bowl last year. I don't know if he's happy with Akron being his last stop or if he's pining to make one last move to a big time program, and it's hard to see any fanbase really accepting a coach of Bowden's age vs. a younger/hotter model. At 60, the window for making a move is closing rapidly, but he's got a decent safety net in that Akron's not going to can him unless things go (back) to poo poo, and so far they haven't. Ball's in Bowden's court but I don't know what the plan is. Lance Leipold - Buffalo. At 5-7 in his first year at Buffalo, Leipold had more losses than he did in his entire tenure at Wisconsin-Whitewater, which is an insane fact. Yes he dominated D3 and that doesn't always translate to higher success, but it's still an inspired hire by Buffalo and a worthwhile gamble to take, and it's one that I think will pay off sooner than later. To me, it's one thing to say "yeah this guy was good at a lower level" and to say "this guy kicked the poo poo out of everyone at a lower level" and Leipold is the definition of the latter, which is why I'm very bullish on him. Bowl this year, MAC contention after that would be the preferred gameplan, and after that the world could be his oyster. John Bonamego - Central Michigan. Replacing Danger Dan Enos after he ran off to be bert's wingman, Bonamego is an alum, which helps with the short term support. He also had to fight cancer this past season, so no matter what happens here it's going to gravy for him. CMU is one of those places that just kinda exists, they might be good or they might be bad or they might just be bleh and not affect things in the greater scheme. So if they've got an alum coaching, then everything should be peachy for a while. Chuck Martin - Miami Ohio. 5-19 in two years in generally a recipe for a short tenure, but Miami was so freaking bad before Martin arrived that anything in the W column is celebrated. That's not to say that MOH could slip and Martin could be on the hot seat, and a repeat of three wins won't be celebrated as much as it was the first time around, but there's no real pressure on Martin to win the MAC this year, or even make a bowl. 4-5 wins keeps him in Solid, anything above is frosting. P.J. Fleck - Western Michigan. For a guy who's 17-21 in three years, there's a metric pisston of hype behind him. He's the highest paid coach in the conference at 800 stacks, and considering it only got WMU 8 wins last season it's kinda hard to justify all of this hype. I know he's considered a "can't miss" coach but the UNDECIDED Mike Neu - Ball State Mike Jinks - Bowling Green Jason Candle - Toledo I couldn't pick any of these three out of a police lineup. I'm sure they were good coordinators at wherever they came from since this is the first head coaching job for all of them, and Jinks/Candle are walking into better situations than Neu is at Ball So Hard State, but the revolving door that's the MAC coaching roster has these three in it now. If they win they'll go somewhere and make money and do whatever, and if they lose they'll be shitcanned and go somewhere else to make money and do whatever. The circle of life, basically. HEATING UP Rod Carey - Northern Illinois. It's hard to call the only guy currently in the MAC with a conference title to their name someone who has to worry about their job security, but Carey's in the porous position of having to follow up unprecedented success and not living up to those unrealistic standards. He's 31-12 in three years, but those numbers have worsened leading to 8-6 last year, which raises the question of whether Carey can do it with his guys or not. We're not at do or die quite yet, but the natives will get restless if NIU falls off. HE'S ON FIRE! Chris Creighton - Eastern Michigan. I understand that this is probably the worst head coaching position available, since you've got absolutely nothing to work with and at least Hawai'i is in, you know, Hawai'i. And also EMU probably should be taking a good, hard look at whether they need to either drop down a division, if not football outright. But a 3-21 record still has you on the hot seat no matter where you are, and a repeat will have EMU people thinking that they need to give someone else a shot. Because someone else will always be willing to take that position, and besides, it's not like they could do worse. Paul Haynes - Kent State. Following up to me mentioning that Bonamego at CMU is an alum, said factoid is good for short-term support but isn't means for a lifetime position. That's coming true now for Paul Haynes, who had the unfortunate circumstance to take over after the one good year in Kent State football history. 9-26 in three years, it's hard to see Haynes getting a fifth unless there's real progress this season, otherwise he and Darrell Hazell can join the ex-Kent coaches club, aka the unemployment line. C. Everett Koop fucked around with this message at 06:24 on Jul 23, 2016 |
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Jul 19, 2016 22:11
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THERE'S SCHOOLS OTHER THAN BOISE STATE IN THE MWC????? I really don't know the MWC/Fun Belt (I don't know the other conferences either but here even more so) so these'll be shorter than the other ones. Still bad, of course. UNTOUCHABLE Troy Calhoun - Air Force. Mr. Howdy Doody himself. Clubhouse leader in tenure at 9 years and an alum of the academy as well. He's not quite on the level as Niumatalolo but it's hard to see him going anywhere voluntarily or the school dismissing him without drastic things happening. SOLID Bryan Harsin - Boise State. Similar to Helfrich at Oregon and Rod Carey at NIU, the dropoff last season is reason to pump the brakes a little bit. The Bluefielders could easily return to their recent glory or they could continue to struggle, at which point everyone declares that Boise Was Always Bad and they return to being a team on a gimmicky field. Harsin being an alum gives him some extra points that are negated by Boise's recent success. Mike Bobo - Colorado State. Bobo didn't run the ball at Georgia enough to make the Dawg fans happy, but that's not humanly possible. 7-6 in year one after taking over for McElwain, so Bobo's off to a good start. Bob Davie - New Mexico. Took a little bit of time but Davie got New Mexico to the forbidden lands of postseason eligibility this past season, which means he'll probably be named the mayor or something. A similar case to Terry Bowden in that I'm not sure what Davie's end game is going to be, and he's at the same age as Bowden so if a move's going to be made, it's now or never. Rocky Long - San Diego State. I'm not going to pretend to know what happened between Long and his alma mater New Mexico, but Long landed in a good situation at SDSU. He's probably Untouchable, if only because at 66 y/o he's more likely to retire than leave/be fired, but that he's closer to the finish line is what keeps him down in this category. Tony Sanchez - UNLV. Just 3-9 in his first season, but the community is happy that one of their own is getting a shot at making the Rebs less than terrible. Whether or not Sanchez will be able to pull that off is another issue, but so far so good. Matt Wells - Utah State. 25-16 in three years. We'll see what happens once he stops throwing the corpse of Chuckie Keaton out there. UNDECIDED Nick Rolovich - Hawai'i. Good luck young fella. He's back at his alma mater and making absolute chump change, but I'm bearish on anyone having success at the Big Island in this day and age, and The Rainbow Warriors having a football team doesn't seem like it's sustainable unless The Rock personally funds/coaches/swims everything to the Mainland. HEATING UP Tim DeRuyter - Fresno State. Fresno had their run with Derek Carr and fell off last season, so it'll buy DeRuyter a little time to find a rebound. Brian Polian - Nevada. Three years, 18-20 record. Not quite at do or die yet since the Wolfpack did make a bowl last year. If the Pack completely falls apart he might get canned but it's not a guarantee. Ron Caragher - San Jose State. Caragher got his team to bowl eligibility, albeit against a conference team, in a win or bust season, so he gets to hang around for a bit longer. He's only signed through next season, so unless I missed next of an extension there'll need to be a judgement soon. HE'S ON FIRE! Craig Bohl - Wyoming. He set South Dakota State up for their recent glory run, but as we've seen the Bison have been just fine after Bohl while the Cowboys have struggled to just 6-18, 2-10 last year. It was a questionable move at the time and hasn't paid off for Bohl yet, and if it doesn't pay off this season it'll be looked upon as one of the more foolish coaching changes in recent history.
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Aug 1, 2016 22:03
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FINE I GUESS I'LL DO THE FUN BELT JUST TO FINISH THIS OFF UNTOUCHABLE None. RIP Larry Blakeney. SOLID Scott Satterfield - App State. App and Georgia Southern have made the transition from FCS to FBS look like child's play, which makes me think we should take mercy on the rest of FCS and put North Dakota State into a bowl or something. Add in that Satterfield is an alum and there's no reason for this relationship to break up. The reason that it's not Untouchable is because Satterfield is only 43 and could outgrow his current position, especially if he wins the conference in the next couple of years. Good problems to have imo. Blake Anderson - Arkansas State. It looks like the revolving door of Red Wolves coaches has come to a halt for now, much to the chagrin of the athletic department budget that was being fueled by coaching buyouts. Anderson won the conference last year after a mediocre first season, and keeping a coach around for more than a cup of coffee is progress in Jonesboro. But we know that one does not set down roots at Arkansas State, so I'd expect to see Anderson move on to bigger and better relatively soon. Trent Miles - Georgia State. Similar to Willie Taggert at USF in that Miles looked like he was done until putting together a late run, which saved his job. Miles has been bringing GST along from nothing so he deserves a bit of leeway, even after two really bad seasons. I think anything more than three wins buys him another year, although it'll drop him down into the hot seat if they come close to bottoming out. Mark Hudspeth - Louisiana-Lafayette. Last season's 4-8 was an aberration from someone who's had success with the Cajuns. He's got a winning record in five years at the school and a >.600 winning percentage overall, so one rough year shouldn't do him in. What is worth noting is that Hudspeth's making a milli plus per season, and considering Louisiana's budget crisis it may turn into a case where he's highly encouraged to find another job, just so that money can come off their books and ULL can hire someone in the 400-500k range. Neal Brown - Troy. 4-8 isn't a great start, but Larry Blakeney was fading off at the end of his long tenure there. We'll re-evaluate after this season whether Brown should be updating his resume or not, but I think he'll get a third year regardless. UNDECIDED Tyson Summers - Georgia Southern. As long as he runs the triple option everything will be fine. GSU's been the other half of the SoCon Connection that's taken the Fun Belt by storm, but we'll have to see how things go without Willie Fritz. Matt Viator - Louisiana-Monroe. He's got his work cut out for him. 78-33 at his alma mater McNeese State, but resources are few and far between in Louisiana these days. Everett Withers - Texas State. If that same kinda sounds familiar, Withers was UNC's interim coach from when Butch Davis was canned right before a season began. He's been at James Madison and now heads down to Texas, where he fights for the scraps that even North Texas and Rice will pick over, which generally means *** kids and dudes who can't read. HEATING UP Joey Jones - South Alabama. At seven years with the Jags Jones has the tenure lead, even though that time hasn't all been in the Sun Belt. 5-7 last year, just 45-42 overall, not great but not spectacular. If he rebounds and makes a bowl Jones should climb back into Solid, otherwise it'll be make or break next season. HE'S ON FIRE! Paul Petrino - Idaho. It's actually a surprise that Petrino's still employed here, considering the meltdowns he's had. Idaho's going to be leaving us and heading back to the FCS ranks soon, which is the smart move for a school in an undesirable geographical location. Sometimes life just won't let you play with the big boys. 6-29 in three years, I don't expect great things from the Vandals this season and I don't expect Petrino to go down to FCS with this ship. Doug Martin - New Mexico State. Splitting his time between running the ball for the Buccaneers and coaching a team, Martin had a little more success than Petrino (7 wins), but now has to live the life of an independent until the admin throws in the towel. At 36-82 between his stops at New Mexico State and Kent State, maybe Martin should think about going somewhere less desolate next time around.
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Aug 25, 2016 18:46
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Firing Tim Beckman before a season starts is a time honored tradition now.
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Aug 26, 2016 06:52
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TECHNICALLY WEEK ONE ISN'T OVER YET AND I'M STUCK AT WORK SO WHAT THE HELL LET'S DO THE INDEPENDENT COACHES UNTOUCHABLE None. SOLID Brian Kelly - Notre Dame. Even after yesterday's loss. In reality Kelly has Notre Dame nationally relevant again, with an appearance in the BCS Championship and coming within a couple plays of running the table again last year. As Twitter noted Notre Dame's last few losses have been one-possession affairs, so it's not like the Irish are getting crushed. What keeps him from being in Untouchable is that no one at Notre Dame is ever going to be Untouchable; Knute Rockne could come back from the dead and he'd get canned if he went 8-5. Moving on would be a mistake on either side, but Notre Dame being high on their own supply is what makes it a possibility no matter the recent record. UNDETERMINED Kalini Sitake - BYU. Beat Arizona at a neutral site to start the year, so far so good. Should continue the pipeline of deeply-religious Polynesians and grown-rear end married men coming off a Mormon mission suiting up for the Fightin' Ty Detmers. Mark Whipple - UMass. The Minutemen got kicked out of the MAC for refusing to park their entire bus there, so they enter the wilderness to play for pennies. It's hard to get too mad at Whipple for whatever happens; best case is that the Big 12 raids the 'Murica and UMass gets to slide in, worst case is that no one wants the Minutemen and financials force them back down to the FCS level. In-between then, Whipple and Co. will travel the world and job for cash. HEATING UP Todd Monken - Army. Six wins in two years wasn't a good look entering the year. It's real easy to say that West Point's demands make it prohibitive to field a decent football team now that it's no longer the 1940's, but Navy/Air Force manage to have competitive teams so I'm curious as to what makes Army's situation that much more severe. That being said, they knocked off Temple this past weekend so things are trending up. One game at the beginning of the year isn't enough to undo all the negative things Charlie Strong, so we'll have to see if Monken can make the Cadets respectable again or if someone else will have to try and dethrone the Navy juggernaut. HE'S ON FIRE! None. Yet.
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Sep 5, 2016 19:05
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Looking at the P5 coaches I put in the NBA Jam categories: ACC: NC State creamed Williams & Mary, BC lost in Dublin but didn't look completely terrible, and Wake limited Tulane to three points, which is good, but only scored seven points, which is bad. No changes. Big Ten: Indiana won at FIU which they should have, Nebraska crushed Fresno St., Penn State handled Kent State, and Purdue actually beat someone. No change. Big 12: Tech demolished Stone Cold Stephen F. Austin, Baylor annihilated Northwestern State but on-field probably won't determine Grobe's fate, Strong got a much-needed win over Notre Dame, and WF'NVU took care of a Mizzou team that doesn't know what they're doing. Move Strong to Heating Up. Pac-12: Oregon State lost a winnable game at Minnesota which the Gophers tried to gift to them with that Midwestern hospitality, Colorado didn't just win a big game but creamed Colorado State. No change but a swap is possible. SEC; Miles is now out of Undecided and straight up in He's On Fire! Auburn lost to Clemson despite Clemson trying to Clemson, Georgia handled UNC, SC farted their way to a win over Vandy, Tennessee deserved to lose to App State, Kentucky completely poo poo themselves against Southern Miss, A&M is the only team with a decent win and even that came after a collapse. He's On Fire! is now Miles, Malzahn, Jones, Mason, Stoops, and Sumlin, and there might be consideration for bert with his lousy win. It's not inconceivable that the SEC might turn over half of their coaches, which would be fitting for the worst P5 conference.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:19
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BTW Kirk Ferentz extended through 2026. There will never be Iowa Football without Kirk Ferentz. There will never be Iowa without Kirk Ferentz. We will rename the state Ferentz. All hail the Ferentz State Cyclones.
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Sep 6, 2016 18:48
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Looking at Kentucky's schedule, they host New Mexico State and South Carolina, before going to Bama (lol) and then hosting Vandy before their bye. They should beat NMST and lose to Bama, which means two winnable conference games could be the difference maker. Win one or both and I think he'll make it to the end of the season. If they drop them both and are 1-5 going into the bye, I could see Stoops getting canned. Stoops never beat Florida, never beat Louisville, and doesn't look like he'll even get to 5-7 this season. 12m buyout or not, it's time to chalk up the experiment as a failure and move on to the next one.
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Sep 11, 2016 19:52
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First in-season casualty, Ron Turner let go at FIU. In addition, Notre Dame scapegoats DC Brian Van Gorder. I'd move Kelly down to Heating Up, because while Kelly should be fine I could see him getting the axe if the wheels completely fall off the bus, because This Is Notre Dame and such a boneheaded decision would be par for the course.
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Sep 25, 2016 18:24
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kayakyakr posted:Errr, LSU, A&M, and UT are basically the 3 programs that can land Herman that are anywhere near having an open job right now. Short of a collapse A&M won't be up. Jury's still out on Texas, and Auburn might be a player.
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Sep 27, 2016 04:31
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I hope Arizona State boatraces USC and Lynn Swann takes Helton out to LAX to fire him and leaves him there.
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Sep 28, 2016 03:39
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Pretty sure Dabo doesn't need to coach Texas to get Texas recruits. Same with the GodKing and any other high profile coach.
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Oct 5, 2016 14:45
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whiteyfats posted:Some SEC incest would be funny, but there's no school looking to hire Les, sadly. Les Miles 2 Vandy
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Oct 9, 2016 18:45
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KKKLIP ART posted:Or really, really funny. Les HC, Cam Cameron OC, Hoke remains DC. Phil Knight's head explodes and Oregon becomes a Russell Athletic school.
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Oct 11, 2016 01:08
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DJExile posted:They'll beat Miami and should beat Ball State but 6 wins in the MAC isn't a guaranteed bowl bid. That used to be the case, but since the extra bowls were added we're now having to dip into the 5-7 teams to fill spots. Get to six wins and making a bowl is all but guaranteed now.
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Oct 12, 2016 18:49
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Real Name Grover posted:Here's the names Tom Dienhart spitballed in a column he likely had in the hopper for a few weeks Purdue isn't a job anyone with big-time aspirations is going to take. Fleck can do better, as can Les Miles. I think Dykes has settled his beef with Cal but who knows. Lane also isn't taking that job, and Taggart/Brohm can hold out for a better gig. As noted, Purdue has money, they just have to be willing to spend it. And considering how bad they've been, you need a coach who's going to be willing to build a program effectively from the ground up. Two names I'll probably be laughed at for mentioning: Coastal Carolina HC Joe Mogila (former TD Ameritrade CEO, not a bad idea to let him build), or if Purdue wants P5 coaching experience, Schiano. If he can get Rutgers to respectable he should be able to do the same at Purdue.
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Oct 16, 2016 21:34
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Texas might as well fire Charlie Strong now and hire Herman, just so save us all the months of speculation.
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Oct 23, 2016 21:45
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Since I'm not sleeping anytime soon after that glorious SNF debacle, a review of where I had the hotseat coaches: ACC: Doeren almost had the job saver with the upset over Clemson, but at 4-3 and two winnable games (BC/Cuse) on the schedule I think he's gone and doesn't make a bowl; maybe 5-7 and a bowl bid saves him but I dunno. Clawson's finally got Wake going in the right direction so he's safe, and if Addazio doesn't win a conference he has to be gone; remaining games are @NCST/LOU/@FSU/@WF so there'll be a new coach next season. B1G: Kevin Wilson may have bumblefucked himself to a 5-7 year and needing an APR bye to make a bowl, he's not safe at all. Mike Riley, however, is quite safe, and so's James Franklin after the Ohio State win. RIP Darrell Hazell. B12: At some point Kliffy's gotta beat somebody, scoring a billion points don't count when you give up a trillion, and beating Texas won't count. Grobe's just at Baylor to ride out the season, Strong's all but fired, and Holgo's got all the leverage over WVU now; they have to offer him an extension to save face but if he wants to go somewhere while his value's high (Holgo The Magnificent to LSU start the rumor mill now dammit) I wouldn't blame him. P12: Oregon State is still pretty bad so Gary Andersen isn't safe, and I think he needs to win the Civil War to either save his job or not enter 2017 firmly on the hot seat. Mike MacIntyre is firmly off the hot seat, and Mark Helfrich can take his place. SEC: Malzahn and Sumlin are very safe. Stoops saves his job if Kentucky makes a bowl, and Mason looks like he'll get another year. Smart will stay in Heating Up because Georgia is full of idiots cheered for by morons, Butch Jones might be gone if Florida wins the East, and Muschamp won't be canned, yet, but isn't safe at all. Put bert down in here after that he got his fat rear end beaten last night. RIP Les Miles 'Murica: Herman's all but out the door at H-Town, yes I know he wasn't on the hot seat but still. Tubbs will probably go out the door at Cinci voluntarily as he continues to execute the Frank Haith Coaching and Transition Success Plan. C-USA: Charlotte's won a couple games so Brad Lambert is fine. Partridge is probably gone at the end of the year since FAU is real bad still, and Sean Kugler might have the same fat at UTEP. RIP Ron Turner. MAC: NIU fell off this year, so Rod Carey might be gone, or enter 2017 on the hot seat. He's in danger regardless. Chris Creighton has EMU nearly bowling, so he's fine. Paul Haynes hasn't been fired yet but it's coming. MWC: Craig Bohl turned Wyoming around so he's fine. Nevada is mediocre so Polian is in trouble, and San Jose St/Ron Caragher is in the same simmering pot. RIP Tim DeRuyter. Fun Belt: Joey Jones is 0-4 in conference but 3-4 overall, if he can get to a bowl I'll be amazed and he'll be safe. Petrino's got Idaho in bowl position but whether he stays with the drop to FCS I dunno, and same with Doug Martin at New Mexico State. Those two have a different set of circumstances obviously. Indep: Monken had Army looking good for a while, though I don't think they make a bowl. It's enough to buy him another year. Whipple is in the Petrino/Martin boat of who knows what might happen, and if Brian Kelly gets canned it wouldn't surprise me, regardless of what the AD said. Fired - Les Miles/Darrell Hazell/Ron Turner/Tim DeRuyter (4) Potential Casualities - Steve Addazio/Dave Doeren/Kevin Wilson/Charlie Strong/Jim Grobe/Gary Andersen/Mark Helfrich/bert/Charlie Partridge/Sean Kugler/Rod Carey/Paul Haynes/Brian Polian/Rod Caragher/Joey Jones/Doug Martin/Brian Kelly (17)
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Oct 24, 2016 05:43
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Sometimes a guy is just a round peg in a square hole. Charlie Strong failing at Texas doesn't mean he's a failure of a coach and a person and we should shame him forever, it means he needs to go somewhere else to succeed. As much as I don't want to punish the man even more, maybe a place like Purdue or BC would give him the chance to build outside of the spotlight, and then he can take another run at a major program.
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Oct 26, 2016 05:32
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Joey Freshwater posted:Yeah he'll stick around at least another year unless we drop one to Kentucky or mizzou. Or got forbid Vandy. I don't know if it would be an immediate firing but his seat would heat up considerably. I'd agree. It's hard to fire a coach who goes 9-3, even if the expectation was 11-12 wins. It'll be a 9-3 with a number of people thrown under the bus, mind you. Now with how weak the remaining schedule is, any other L's might be enough for Tennessee to dump him and make a run at P.J. Fleck/Jeff Brohm. I don't think they'd be in the Tom Herman lottery since that seems to be Texas' to lose, but I think Tennessee might be able to outbid LSU and push that they only, well "only", play Bama from the West instead of all of them. If Tennessee opens up it's the second best job on the market after Texas, imo.
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Oct 31, 2016 00:09
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I'm laughing at us somehow going full circle and ending up back at a probable bidding war between Texas and Texas A&M for Tom Herman.MourningView posted:Hoke is gonna be a really awesome dline coach and recruiting coordinator for someone next year That someone will probably be in NAIA but still. A.o.D. posted:I've just realized one potential downside to hiring Ed Orgeron as head coach for LSU, regardless of whether he's good or terrible. It would make scanning threads really difficult when people are talking about Oregon. Which is why he should be known as DACOACHO now and forever. Make it easy on everyone. Someone post the Hummer ad tia.
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Nov 13, 2016 21:41
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LLCoolJD posted:It's not a political statement. He just wanted to open the door to a Charlie Weis joke. Gonna need to open more than just a door to fit a Charlie Weis joke through. pillsburysoldier posted:Who's the anti-Charlie Strong? I'd say Dennis Erickson or Barry Switzer, since I'd rather not bring up guys like Briles or JoePa.
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Nov 21, 2016 01:17
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MourningView posted:Nooooo, Skip's La Tech teams have been fun as heck I was hoping he'd just stay there. Because Brohm could probably do better, depending how some of these openings shake out. As for Skippy, if he's hell-bent on getting into a P5 school Purdue's probably about as good as he could ask for, given his track record. You only make that hire if Les Miles says no (which he should, but who knows with Les). Democrazy posted:As far as Charlie Strong goes, the worst thing about it for me is that I think Charlie Strong could win a national championship at another school. If Texas were to be so lucky as to get in the playoffs in future years, I could see them getting beaten by Strong once he's figured out a place where he can be successful like he was at Louisville. He won't win a title there, but given the success he had in the area, going to like NC State might not be a bad rebound, since the only other ACC opening this year is probably Boston College and Charlie deserves better than that. I've heard that State isn't looking to fire Doeren for whatever stupid reason they've come up with, but if they pull the trigger, I think they could be in play for a fairly attractive hire. Herman won't go there obviously, but a coach in the Fleck/Brohm/maybe Charlie area would be an improvement. So look for NC State to do the wrong thing, per usual.
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Nov 21, 2016 20:44
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Scionix posted:it says here
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Nov 25, 2016 19:57
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https://twitter.com/RossDellenger/status/802510334917537793 Big binder, eh? I wonder what's the best way to get a big binder to a meeting TELL 'EM JO JO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX7wzhMvbzo
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Nov 26, 2016 16:56
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Korranus posted:I'm not so mad at Herman (whom just needs to stop looking back) as just generally frustrated at not being able to have and keep nice things, and that there seems to be nothing that can be said or done or bought or built that is going to change that. Welcome to life as a mid-major. Wanna be mad at someone, be mad at Texas/Oklahoma for not expanding and giving you a seat at the table. Otherwise, accept reality and start the coaching search again.
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Nov 27, 2016 22:33
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I think Helfrich could have survived another year if he won Civil War and fired Hoke on Sunday. Since he did neither  This is the type of gig that Fleck should be throwing his panties at as hard as he can, not this Purdue crap. I know he's a midwestern guy but it's not like there's an instate recruiting hotbed so it's the same Cali/Texas/Florida pipeline as nearly everyone else. Also, I kinda hope that Holgo the Magnificent gets the gig, if only so we get him vs. Leach every year just throwing every offensive trick in the book at each other. Set the O/U to 135 and have at it.
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Nov 30, 2016 07:23
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I thought the big thing about Niamatolo was how close he was to earning a Navy pension as a long-time employee, which was a big reason towards him turning down BYU. I'm sure Uncle Phil can make up that money if he went to Oregon, but given that Oregon wants to make a big splash, I can't see them hiring someone who runs an offense that the Duckies aren't at all setup to currently run. Also, it is kinda a shock that Purdue and Les Miles aren't getting together. Short of some major dominoes falling there's going to be a lack of major jobs opening up (I can't think of anyone in the ACC getting fired, for example, and Les might be the only SEC coach getting canned from the current crop) and if Les is hellbent on getting right back into the game Purdue might be the most realistic P5 job available. Him going to Houston would be interesting as all get out if he's willing to run a modern offense, as I'm not sure he has another move in him and Houston wants some stability at the position.
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Dec 1, 2016 20:34
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Eltoasto posted:Apparently Kevin Wilson is about to get fired from IU for some drat reason. Really don't understand that. Either Indiana's got someone (Fleck/Miles/etc..) on lock or they're doing something really, really dumb.
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Dec 1, 2016 21:11
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