Boiled Water posted:

Why not take it to the extreme and have a picture of a black man and the title nigeria-taxi or something? I mean might as well play all the fears and prejudices of China.

Haier posted:

I was worried about bedbugs in China, since many places in the US have infestations (especially Honolulu, where I first met a bedbug and have been terrified ever since), but like other posters said they spray the rooms with some chemical cocktail and bedbugs are a thing of imagination. Maybe my apartment radiates some sort of dire poisonous warning, because even with the windows and balcony door open I don't even get mosquitoes despite there being huge trees outside.

Now I'm kinda worried.

Boiled Water posted:

Imagine all the way things in the air also condensed along with the water.

Haier posted:

China's new Radio Frequency Telescope is going to begin operation. This is the Chinese SUPERCOMPUTER that will power it. Zoom in and look how loving chabuduo those floors are in there. Now just imagine how much more chabudou is going on inside and outside that facility, physically/structurally and administratively.

Blue Star Error posted:

Accretionist posted:

Driving culture gets weird. When I was in Naples, Italy, it was the worst driving I've ever seen. It was like if you so much as made eye-contact with another driver, it was a sign of weakness and you were getting cut-off or not let in. Like, my sister was stopped at a stop light once. This got her rear ended. The other driver said he kept thinking she was going to accelerate any second now right up until the crash. It's like bumper cars except every hit costs you money so you try to avoid but, fundamentally, it's still bumper cars logic. It's just weaving in and out and around all the time, nothing else.

At 14:17, both drivers were probably thinking, "I don't stop. They stop," right up until the end.

The Great Autismo! posted:

guys my company tried moving today and I'm not shocked at all with how it went but I'm sure it will sound unbelievable, I'll post the story tomorrow. All of us have the day off tomorrow because of how bad the move went. I can't wait to post it, I'd do it now but I'm on my iPad

The Great Autismo! posted:

so my office is moving buildings. this is an amazing process.

it started last spring, when we were told we would be moving offices. we were told maybe august, maybe september, maybe november. no one seemed to know, other than the fact that we were moving. as the time got closer, we were told "we aren't sure, just wait, we will move soon".

last week, we were told we are moving this week. maybe wednesday, maybe thursday. no one was sure. finally we were told last friday. we will move on wednesday! everyone was happy and excited.

monday came and went. on monday i talked to the HR girl, i asked her if i could look at the new office, to make sure there wasn't any horrific chinglish mistakes like the last two offices we have, that have stuff like "to change the history a person to be then" plastered on the wall. she lived in australia for three years and said "don't worry, i've seen the new office, there's nothing like that, it's ok" and i was like "alright then". tuesday came and went. on tuesday we were told "please pack up your things and be ready at 1pm wednesday, the moving company will come then".

tuesday afternoon was filled with the staff, foreign and chinese, packing up everything we owned. we get to the office on wednesday, its moving day! woo! our electricity is shut off and we get there and everyone is just hanging out. we are moving across the street, to a new building connected to the four seasons. super nice building from the looks of it. we will move at 1pm.

around 12:30, we are told "maybe wait until 1:30 to 2", we said ok. around 1:30pm three chinese guys show up. they are the moving company. we have like 30 people in company and all of us have tons of books and stuff. they look around, smoke a cig, and leave. around 2pm we are waiting for the moving company, i go to the bathroom, i come back and all the foreigners are gone. i figured they went to go get a coffee or something, but they actually went across the street to our new building to move their stuff, even though they weren't supposed to. i get a message at 2:30pm from this guy rich who says "are you sure we are moving to this building? because no one knows who we are, no one seems ready for us and this place looks like a war zone", so i ask our HR girl about it and she says "it isn't ready! you are supposed to wait! we will go at 4pm today with our company boss!" so i tell rich "yo you aren't supposed to go there yet, hang tight, come back". no one comes back, i later learn they all went to a bar to drink. i joined them later, but at this point i was waiting at the office. around 3pm our HR girl says "the moving company has ran away, they will not move us today, you can have tomorrow off, everyone can have tomorrow off", I say "what, the moving company ran away?" and she says "yeah, they said it was too much work". so the moving company that we have contracted to move us, to like, do their job, that their company does, thinks we are too much work. so they won't do it. uh, ok.

around 3:10pm i get this picture from this guy andy, who had gone over to the new office.



this is two hours AFTER we were supposed to move into this building. like...this is the new office people chose to move to on wednesday the 28th at 1pm. and everyone kept looking at it and kept being like "yup, we will move on wednesday at 1pm", even up until like wednesday at noon, people were like "we will be ready to go at wednesday at 1pm", and then after 1pm came, it was "wait an hour, we will be ready at 2pm" but like, who in the world thought this would be ready in an hour?

so they told us to take today off, but come in on friday. and the entire foreign staff said "yeah we will take friday off too, no way that building is ready" and this one chinese girl was like "why would you take it off, we have to work on friday" and one guy said "LOOK AT THIS, do you think it will be ready?" and she said "why not, they said we will work on friday, so we should go there to work"

i'm expecting a message in our work chat group around 4:45pm today that says "no work tomorrow, have a rest". in fact, i expect a bunch of these messages for the next week or two, because this does not look remotely ready to move into. and we can't go back to our old office because everything is packed up and finished.

how hard is moving? shouldn't it be like "here is a new office. its ready. great. pack up your stuff. a moving company moves it to the new office. start work again"

this is like "we want a new office. we will move on this day. pack up your stuff. lets go. poo poo it looks like its half done. wait an hour. wait another hour. poo poo take tomorrow off. in fact take a week off. we may or may not move next week. just hang tight for a minute"

yesterday ended with our staff getting really drunk together and laughing and enjoying our lives because what the hell are we supposed to do

when china rules the world

The Great Autismo! posted:

around 3:10pm i get this picture from this guy andy, who had gone over to the new office.



when china rules the world

The Great Autismo! posted:

You just have to assume that every single possible thing is going to be hosed up beyond all recognition every day, all the time. Then find places that usually don't gently caress up and hit them up regularly. Whenever I go to a new restaurant I just assume they will gently caress up the dishes. When they don't it's like "hey what a great day", whereas in the USA I assume everything will just run smoothly and when it doesn't people freak out. It's the complete opposite end of the spectrum and totally doable if you have the right mindset

Haier posted:

no butt stuff.

I just really hope she doesn't up in my "LOL crazy person" story pile.

The Great Autismo! posted:

the coco I know that's in Shenzhen has a crazy meltdown after I told her I married my wife, after months of us hanging out and her insisting we were just friends. She was cute, good luck with her

Haier posted:

Closure: She was Mongolian and came riding in on her ebike like the hordes of her ancestors did when they rode across the world. It was fine except she thought biting was sexy and she bit my face and my dick. Other than that 10/10, would plunge 100 more times. The fruit box was about 6/10 because it was the end of the day and not as fresh as it could have been. Not her fault. No crazy and nothing weird. She hates Chinese people and wants to get as much money as she can from them and flee back to Mongolia and live the good life. She really wanted to talk about American independence and why, and also WW2 and why the US and UK were friends even though the US fought for independence and hurt the Crown's feelings.

Haier posted:

Is there a 10 hour loop of this i can play the next time she comes to bite me?

Edit:

Got one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57dIRXiRx_s

Edit agian;
SLEEP MUSIC. LMAO

Haier posted:

gently caress a sixhead, gimme a sixchin!

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/791b702719fc4b0d9ddfeb14432f1c41/china-concerned-about-death-syracuse-student-beijing

Oh god i am going to hell hahaha.

The Great Autismo! posted:

here's a few more bonus shots of the city, from an employee who left two days ago. this was the view he had from the 50th floor of his building. some pretty nice shots of tianjin.





unbelievably, this guy hated his life here and hated china, which i don't really know how you can hate china when you have this view. look at what humans have created. amazing.

all of these pictures were taken not just of the same city, but at the same time on the same day. the second picture looks super polluted. that's southern tianjin, maybe the lack of big buildings makes the pollution more visible. i dunno.

lastly, my mom emailed me a few days ago, she was looking through an old copy of the new york times from like a month ago, and found this article and said "i think the girl looks like your ex gf, is it?" and i was like "wow it kinda does look like her" so i went to my ex's Facebook page and she had all of these behind the scenes photos tagged of her at this event, she is modelling in paris now. and i'm still in tianjin. like she's moved to paris and speaks french fluently and is now on the front page of the fashion and style section of the new york times modelling...and i'm shitposting on a comedy forum in the same city i was in six years ago. poo poo.

anyway those are my china stories from the past few days, thanks for reading, china is cool and good. that's all.

Jimmy Little Balls posted:

Reasons my girlfriend is angry today:

She wanted to go for breakfast when I was still asleep, was woken up by being shouted at for being lazy. Got up and ready and had to wait 45 minutes for her to get ready, she changed shoes 11 times. She has 4 pairs of shoes.

She had a stomache ache and wanted to go to the TCM doctor, I told her there was nothing wrong with her and he would just tell her to drink more hot water, he told her there was nothing wrong with her and to drink more hot water.

I've hurt my knee and she wanted to spend the day walking round a crowded park, I am very selfish for not going to the park.

Haier posted:

RIP the Mongolian.

She started deleting me from Wechat and asking for friend confirmation. I tried adding her again and she did and she said that this is what she does to guys she likes, seeing if they will add her again and can't be without her. I was like "WAT? That's childish as hell." Since she had my friend request in her friend section, she would say a bunch of poo poo and delete me so I couldn't reply, add me at will, say a bunch of poo poo, and then delete me. I told her to get hosed, so she blocked me. Then she unblocked me, told me I was a bad man for being divorced and that I abandoned my poo poo head of an ex-wife and it was all my fault or something. I double told her to get hosed, and she blocked me again.

She shows up unannounced at my house at midnight last night and barges in when I open the door (no peephole), and strips naked and gets into my bed and says she's super tired and needs sleep. I'm standing there chatting with my normal friends on my phone and sending video to them of crazy Mongolian girl in case things go really sour and I need evidence. They're laughing at me and telling me to build a wall around her. I tell her she can't do this and she should leave, and she says she'll go to the police and report me as a spy or that I am doing something illegal. I knew this would happen eventually. Thanks, Uncle Xi.

I've actually been sick these days, and I was in the process of brushing my teeth and getting ready to go to bed when she arrived, so I started crashing around and making tons of noise, turning on all my lights and doing whatever in my own house. She's sighing and trying to "sleep." She tells me to come to bed. I eat rice pudding and blow my nose loudly.

I know this is a battle I can't win, and I am running a fever and beginning to sweat profusely. I crawl into bed and pull the blanket over and she rolls over and touches and me and complains I am soaked in sweat. I told her she can sleep in her own bed if she doesn't like it and she loudly sighs and takes my hand and puts it on her brown Mongol titties. Even if I wanted to, I had zero energy to get it up, so I told her so and rolled over to sleep and try to break my fever. She jams her face into mine and told me she wants to kiss me and I was thinking I was going to get bit. She didn't bite me, but instead gave me this weird series of kisses on my face and shoulders and then complained I was salty from sweating like I ran a marathon.

Then she said this -
Her: "I came here because you told me not to. Anything you want me to do, I refuse to do it. Anything you don't want me to do, I will do it."
Me: "That's dumb. I don't like that."
Her: "I AM SORRY. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY? WAIT A MOMENT. I WILL CRY."
Me: "You're stupid and immature, and you should listen to what people say and respect that."
Her: "I am the type of girl that if she says no, it always means YES."
Me: "What?"
Her: "I came here to torture you and bother you. I know you're sick. I thought it would be fun to see you angry."
Me: "For crying out loud..."
Her: "I am wet. You will gently caress me? I don't want you to gently caress me."
Me: "We're not having sex ever again."
Her: "I said don't gently caress me..."
Me: "I get it. You want me to rape you or something."
Her: "Yes."

Anyway, she actually fell asleep soon after and so did I and she woke me up like 500 times kissing my shoulder and then set her alarm for 06:30 and used Snooze until like 08:00. She also woke up at like 3am and took a huge dump for some reason and because she woke me up I had to pee and after I walked into Mongolian Genocide in the bathroom and cursed her ancestors.

She woke up, said nothing to me, got dressed, forced a hug on me, and left. I told her to never contact me again. I blocked her. She didn't come back tonight. I am sure she will try again, but I am not opening my door. LMAO.

Edit:
Screenshot from a Wechat video of her plugging her phone into her powerbank right after barging in. My lights were off and my USB charger thing was making my room glow blue.

ladron posted:

please write a book

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/China/comments/577cp7/questions_about_bride_price_from_a_dumb_white_guy/

Further on down the plot thickens: