- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Gave a winning lottery ticket as a Christmas gift, my wife [39/F] is beyond upset.
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Christmas gathering yesterday with my extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins. We do a small gift exchange, and about a decade ago I started handing out scratch off lottery tickets. Everybody seems to enjoy it, and everyone gets excited when someone wins a couple of bucks or a free ticket. And up until now, that's all anyone ever won.
So I hand out the lottery tickets yesterday. Turns out the ticket I gave one of my cousins was a winner - he hit the max prize of $50k. The whole party erupted. I jumped up and hugged him, out of my mind psyched at the idea that I just gave this dude the best Christmas present he's ever gotten. While everyone was cheering and patting him on the back, I noticed my wife very quickly left the room.
When she came back, she loudly announced that my cousin didn't need to worry - even though that was our ticket, we were still going to split the prize money with him. I could tell she was dead serious, but tried to play it off like she was joking. She doubled down and said she wasn't joking, that she didn't mind sharing, but that certainly was not his ticket. That took the air out of the room pretty quick.
After an awkward meal, we left and my wife immediately jumped on me in the car. How dare I just casually give away that money, how dare I try to make it sound like she was joking. You don't just give someone that kind of money. That ticket is ours, and I better claim the lion's share of the payout.
I thought hopefully a night's sleep would calm her down, but unfortunately no. She is now insisting I call up my cousin and go reclaim the ticket. She was pretty rude ( I thought) about it, so I told her to go pound sand. She is calling me irresponsible and saying that no one in their right minds gives away that kind of money. I'm trying to tell her I didn't give away anything, it's not like that money is coming out of our account, and that's part of the risk of lottery tickets - you never know. Besides, she never had a problem when I was handing out losing lottery tickets.
Some background - we're doing well financially. I make a good income and she doesn't work. It's not like we're strapped for cash. My cousin that won the ticket is 23, just graduated from college and is trying to scratch some money together to buy a ring to propose to his girlfriend and start his life.
So, does my wife have a valid point? If not how do I get her over this?
TLDR: Gave my cousin a scratch off lottery ticket as a gift that hit the jackpot. My wife wants me to take the ticket back and claim the money.
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Dec 19, 2016 11:55
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 12, 2024 05:12
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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How could that other guy think he can just sever from his wife and 4 kids by kicking them out of "his house?"
I would love to be a fly on the wall when they go in front of the judge.
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Dec 19, 2016 19:23
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Me [20 M] with my brother [21 M/F] of 20 years, I charged 2 thousand dollars to his debit card and my family found out, filled with guilt and at a lost
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Hi redditors, i'm a teenager staying in a strict Asian country where family values , morals and honor are kept very strictly. 2 days ago my family found out that I stupidly charged 2 thousand dollars of uber charges to my elder brothers debit card. I know i was lazy, a coward and an absolute scum bag of a brother by stealing his hard earned money for my convenience.
My family found out about my actions before they flew off for a 10 day holiday while i stayed in my home country. They called me late in the evening before they boarded the flight hoping i could tell them i didn't steal his money and it was case of fraud by an outsider for the police to investigate. I however just coldly admitted that i was responsible and guilty.
I'm not very sure how R/relationship works but i'd like to appeal for help about handling the guilt and attempting to salvage my relationship with my family and most importantly my brother. I am able to make full restitution but i don't think it's about the money.
Sorry for posting in none fluent English, i'm quite distraught and my thoughts are quite disorganized.
tl;dr: Committed fraud, charged 2 thousand dollars to my brothers debit card, family found out before i told him, guilty and lost.
quote:
This was over a period of 10 months, Many many many micro transactions of 10-20$ every trip. I feel that the long term nature of my actions will be the most damaging of all. I did it because i was a lazy scum bag that took my brother for granted.
I want to say fake because how did bro not see this coming out of his bank account but lets pretend it is real as no one has called him out in the comments yet
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Dec 20, 2016 12:45
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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I [26M] almost always feel crappy about relationship with GF [25F] after we spend long periods of time around her family or friends
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I've been with my GF for 3+ years and this feels like it's been a common theme in our relationship for awhile now. The problem is that when my GF is around other people, she will occasionally poke fun at or tease me, moreso than when it's just us two alone. I told her early in our relationship (and many times since then) that I didn't like this and she has eased up a little bit, but she still does it from time to time.
Sometimes the teasing genuinely bothers me, sometimes it's not a huge deal, but the bigger issue is that I feel like she doesn't care about my feelings because she keeps doing it even though I've told her countless times that I don't like it. I've basically told her straight up that I don't trust her judgment of when to tease me and when not to around other people so just never do it, period (maybe unreasonable, maybe not?).
So yesterday, we were getting ready to head home after visiting her friend for the weekend. My gf said to her friend "Rebecca": "So Rebecca, funny story... Jack [me] will probably be mad at me for saying this..." at which point I said straight-faced and seriously: "Okay, so that means you probably shouldn't be saying it then." and my gf went on anyway to tell a story about how a few years ago we were at a history museum reading something about lactose tolerance (I'm lactose intolerant) and shortly after we read that, a tour guide told a group of people near us about lactose tolerant people being "more evolved" than lactose intolerant people. Therefore, her and her friend are "more evolved" than me (hilarious, right?).
I'm not devastated by the fact that I'm lactose intolerant, but I have told her many times that I prefer to not be reminded about it, especially when it's the butt of a joke. At the time, I just stonewalled and got over it I guess. But now that I've been away from her today, I'm more pissed about it. I've been stewing a decent amount today about how this has been a persistent problem in our relationship and I can't deal with being around her or her friends because chances are she's going to say something at some point that bothers me.
Am I overreacting? Maybe I just needed to vent here about it, but I don't feel good about the situation.
TL;DR: GF joked about my lactose intolerance to her friend. She has known for years that I don't appreciate jokes or comments like that, yet continues to do it. Has me doubting relationship.
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Dec 20, 2016 12:50
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Okay one more. The most mundane drunk work holiday party story ever. I really think the only one on the spectrum here is the OP
I [37M] took my wife [35F] to the office holiday party, where she drank past her limit and became rude.
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Friday night, I took my wife to my workplace's annual holiday party. My wife had missed the previous year's party (my first at this firm) due to multiple sclerosis and not feeling up to it. This was the first holiday party that was off-premises and had more than eight employees attending (there were thirty or so attendees in all).
My wife does not like the founder of the company much. He is on the autistic spectrum, and she finds him opaque and standoffish. He also decided not to hire her for some freelance work about a year ago.
My wife had two Irish Car Bombs (a double-strength drink of Guiness and Bailey's Irish Cream) over two and a half hours. Over this time, she became friendly with my co-workers that she knew and liked, and actually bonded a bit with the founder's mother.
When the founder's sister, who is our head of HR, made a crack about "everyone here who doesn't like [founder] raise your hand" during a raffle, my wife raised her hand after an initial pause. That was a bit embarrassing. Founder's sister cracked a lame joke trying to defuse that.
During the founder's heartfelt speech, which was clearly sincere and difficult for him to say, my wife was Facebooking on her phone, the only person at the event to do so. It would have been clear to anyone looking at the audience; her face was lit by the bluish light from her phone.
We left immediately after the speeches were over, saying goodbye only to co-workers we encountered, because I was embarrassed by her behavior and did not want to risk any further damage to my job and career.
I told her that some people at the party may have found her actions rude, and asked her to not use her phone during heartfelt speeches. Instead of hearing me, she got defensive, saying the speeches "bored" her, and asserted her right to entertain herself when she gets bored. It was clear to me that she was still drunk, and that we could accomplish very little by discussing this while she was drunk.
Saturday and Sunday she went to work and came back tired. She claimed she was too tired to discuss the matter further.
Today at work, I asked my trusted co-workers about the matter. They all said they didn't see anything weird or rude about her behavior. I have not said anything to the founder or his sister. He is opaque and on the spectrum, and she is a consummate HR professional.
My concern is how my wife disregarded my feelings and requests completely, and then dodged the issue after our initial discussion.
Quitting this job to make her happy is not an option. I like the job, and it pays for her very expensive multiple sclerosis care. I've never been in this kind of situation before.
I'd like some advice with how to handle this with my wife and with my co-workers and employer.
tl;dr: Took my wife to the office xmas party where she drank too much and was rude to my boss the founder and my co-workers. Wondering how to handle it with her and with my co-workers.
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Dec 20, 2016 12:58
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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TL;DR: I think my sister is a porn actress, and now I'm sad.
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Dec 24, 2016 17:43
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Cool, you're either a child abuser or a potential one.
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I was at my GFs place yesterday helping her cook for her families Christmas lunch.. I was just watching to be fair.
She needed help with a tin opener, so I came over, turned it the right way and said "God Jess you idiot.. That's how you do it!" in a completely over the top, sarcastic, joking way.
The next part blew my mind. She started crying and telling me the reason she isn't close to her dad is because he "was verbally abusive". Her and her mum even called the cops a few times..
"You called the cops because he hit you?"
"No he'd just yell"
This 30 second exchange completely changed my mind on this girl, we'd been dating for 4 months and everything was great.
I'm extremely close to both parents, both of which hit me (when I deserved it for being a little poo poo), I couldn't imagine cutting one out of my life/calling the cops because they said mean things to me..
I can't imagine living my life with the fear of having the cops called on me because I said some mean things. Now I'm honestly considering breaking up with her..
TLDR: Want to break up with my GF because she's too soft/weak.
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Dec 25, 2016 18:51
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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My [25F] fiancé [28M] of 3 years was distant and rude towards my family on our Christmas break, just because he didn't get what he wantedquote:
I'm seriously considering breaking up over this and I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating or not.
My fiancé Brian and I live 10 hours away from my parents and siblings so he hasn't spent a lot of time with them.
I am very close to my family. I have 3 younger siblings aged 12-16 that I love to bits. These kids mean the world to me.
Brian hasn't celebrated Christmas ever (his parents doesn't do anything for it) and he hadn't attended my family events due to various reasons (work or other events prevented him from joining me) But this year I thought we could finally spend it with my family.
This meant a lot to me and he knew how excited I was about it months in advance. The kids were calling me regularly to check things with me and he could see how much it meant to them too.
Yet 3 weeks before we were meant to leave, he tells about this holiday trip thats on sale and that we should take it up. How I always spend Christmas with my family and not with him (He has always been invited!). He then goes on about how I'm not religious so why do I even bother with it.
Now Christmas to me is not about religion, no one in my family is religious. It more about tradition and bringing us together as a family. We all cook together, eat together, laugh together, give each other little gifts, play games and just having a good time.
I tell him that I'm not going to change plans in such short notice just because he found some sale on a trip. Hes free to do as he wishes but I'd like to spend it with my family.
Well we finally attend, we were spending few days here. I thought things were going great, we start cooking and doing the prep work together with the kids.
The kids were being a little cheeky and "trialing" the foods just to "make sure they measure up", nothing new and I actually account for this knowing that but I still love calling them out when they're sneaking some away as they start giggling and come up with some really creative reasons.
Well Brian got really annoyed and started yelling at the kids that they are sneaky, lying brats and gave them a lecture on how rude it is to steal food. I was shocked, pulled him a side and told him that we were all clearly just teasing each other and how theres plenty of food. He was clearly irritated but kept quite the rest of our time there. He didn't even thank my family for having us over, nope nothing. He was cold and distant the entire time and despite our efforts to get him to join us, he just stayed on his phone the entire time
When we finally left he started off again telling me my family is loud, the kids are spoiled, selfish brats with no manners (He couldn't be any more wrong! my sister won a raffle at school and she decided to donate the basket of gifts she got to those who needed it more, shes only 12 and my family is far from rich. These kids are talented, very funny, smart and generous. Yes they can be loud especially when they're excited but who cares ?. He then tells me that Ive ruined our chances of having an amazing time by choosing to take part in this pointless gathering.
I basically exploded at him at this point and told him I couldn't believe I was with someone like him. I don't know what to do at this stage but I don't think I can be with someone like him.
Brian has been apologizing and claims he realizes he behaved poorly because he was disappointed about the trip. He was upset that I spent so much money on food and gifts for the kids when I could have spent it on the holiday (I should mention we have separate accounts and pay 50/50 for all expenses so I didn't use cash from joint accounts). I think the only reason he has backed off is because he realized this is a hill I'm willing to walk off on so I don't think hes actually that sorry. Because each sentence to me is filled with excuses.
Am I being overly sensitive ?. I mean I guess if I was to be fair, Brian is not use to children and he has never really had a crowded big family gathering (hes an only child) but I still dont think being on your phone at any event is acceptable behavior so theres no way he didn't know how that would be perceived.
I love Brian so much and it hurts to think of life without him but the more I think about this the more I think Brian and I are not compatible. To me my partner will become part of my family. I will not be starting a new family through ditching my old family. Am I wrong ?
NOTE: I think people are thinking of 100s of people so I should clarify that this wasnt the case. It was just my immediate family (parents and siblings) there.
tl;dr: My fiancé was extremely rude and out of line at my family christmas. He then spent the entire time on his phone and basically either ignored and/or stayed out of any activities we did - just because I didn't change my plans in 3 weeks notice and left the country with him
Dear reddit, my fiance is a miserable rear end in a top hat
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Dec 27, 2016 19:24
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Shutup nerds
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Dec 29, 2016 10:39
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Check out the narc
My [21f] boyfriend [29m] was prescribed Codeine and it's worrying me
quote:I'm typing on my phone so sorry for any spelling errors.
Little backstory: My boyfriend (we'll call him John) and I have been together for about a year. I moved into his place about 2 months ago. He is my first boyfriend and he understands that I have no experience when it comes to dating. He's kind and always willing to talk about any concerns I have. He does have issues communicating about something he's not happy with, we both do, but we've been trying to get better at it and it hasn't been an issue so far.
John has never been secretive about his past. He has been very open to telling me everything. About 10 years ago he went to rehab for cocaine addiction. He kicked it and hasn't relapsed since. He struggled with alcohol around the same time and got that under control. He has a long history with shrooms and lsd but says it was never an addiction. He smoked opium for about 2 years.
There aren't a lot of drugs he hasn't tried.
Nowadays the only drug he touches is weed. He smokes it all the time, but it doesn't bother me. I knew he was a stoner before we started dating, so it's nothing suprising. I smoke with him sometimes even.
About two weeks ago John came down with a cold. It's gotten worse and he started having lung pain so yesterday he went to the doctor. Turns out he has bronchitis. I wasn't at the appointment, but apparently the doctor recommend taking it easy for a while.
And prescribed John Phenergan/Codeine for the pain.
Now, I won't pretend to be an expert on painkillers. The strongest one I've ever taken is extra strength Tylenol. But when reading the bottle of John's prescription my first thought was "Surely an opiate is overkill, right?"
But he loves it. Which is slightly terrifying. When I came home from work yesterday he just seemed... off. He was in a really good mood and was very relaxed. Then he explained to me what his doctor gave him. And his doctor gave him a loving refill. I voiced my concerns about this and he told me I'm overreacting. I've already said in the past that an addiction to anything except weed is a dealbreaker for me. But if it does get to that point I don't want to end a relationship over a 4oz bottle of cough syrup.
So I guess my question is am I overreacting? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I plan on talking to him about all of this when he wakes up, but is there something else I should say that I didn't think of?
TL;DR: Boyfriend got prescribed an opiate. I'm scared he'll get addicted. Need advice.
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Dec 29, 2016 10:43
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Me [18M] with my BF [31M] of 1 year, his family threw away my baked Christmas gifts to them
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To preface; yes, I know there is an age gap between my boyfriend and I that is an underlying issue here.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for a year and every holiday/birthday/celebration, I bake and usually give a small gift to his relatives. I'm really quite good at baking and it's been my thing since I was a small child. I put a lot of time and effort to make sure that the presentation is as flawless as I can get it and that it is the person's favorite confection. I never deliver these gifts in person because I know I'm not well liked and I don't want to cause problems with my presence but I also don't want to be unfriendly or standoffish or give them a reason to like me less by doing nothing.
This Christmas was really hard on my boyfriend, as his grandparents and only aunt died recently and they were really big on family gettogethers. Since no one would be baking because that was their thing, I asked my bf if he would like me to make christmas dessert for his family and he said yes and got the recipes that his grandmas use to make from his mom. I sent him off to his parents place on Christmas morning with three cheesecakes, about 200 cookies, and two chess pies. It took me literally days to get all of it done and I was hoping that his family would love it and maybe it would make the holidays go better
I don't know what happened, but bf says that the gifts were not well received and that I shouldn't bother doing anything for his family in the future. Eventually I pried it out of him that his dad and uncles had thrown the majority of what I sent in the garbage before christmas dinner because they 'thought it was trash''. They knew it wasn't that kind of trash, it was personal. No one else said anything or spoke up and my bf ended up getting into a huge fight with his family and left immediately after.
I'm at a loss. I don't know what I did to make them hate me. His parents who were hosting dinner knew I was making stuff for my bf to bring that were his family's recipes, so I didn't blindside them or anything. I've only ever seen his family when they come over to visit, or spent a few minutes saying 'hello', but never any real time with them to warrant this kind of attitude. I've been nothing but nice whenever I do meet them. I guess maybe they think that my baking is too effeminate and repulsive to them? It's dramatic and stupid, but I am really heartbroken about this and my bf has been upset and not talking to his family since christmas day and it's partly my fault.
How do I make this better/figure out what went wrong here?
tl;dr: My BF's dad and uncles threw out the christmas desserts i made using their grandmas' recipes for no apparent reason other than they hate me.
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I know they take issue with the age difference, which is another reason i tend to make myself scarce. I was trying to be cordial to them for the holidays without imposing and stayed home by myself this year.
To clear up any excessively creepy/predatory speculations, I was seeking someone of his age range out and he was looking for a younger guy/rebound without the intent of a relationship, which happened to come later. We both know the arrangement isn't permanent, but it is fun for now.
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Dec 29, 2016 11:26
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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The relationship is hosed up, but the teenager does not have primary responsibility for it. If the family is pissed, they should tell the 30-something creeplord how disgusted they are with him, not passive-agressively toss a literal child's baked goods in the trash.
But agreed it's hard to fault the teenager i was a loving moron at 18 too
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Dec 29, 2016 12:47
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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But it is okay he smokes weed everyday because that is not at all substitution
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Dec 29, 2016 12:58
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Coffee maker, steak spice, dog poop bags
A true romantic
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Dec 30, 2016 20:37
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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quote:My girlfriend [26F] spoiled the Walking Dead for me [27M]Relationships
Disclaimer: I won't spoil what she told me but but if you didn't see Sunday's episode you probably don't want to read this post.
We’ve been together 3 years, live together.
I was complaining to my gf last night about the Walking Dead season finale since I absolutely hate cliffhangers. I told her I thought it was pretty cheap of AMC to end the season like that. She doesn't watch the show at all other than the first couple episodes because it didn’t interest her.
Anyways this morning I was dropping her off at work since we carpool together and right as she was getting out she said “oh by the way [X] dies” in a really snarky tone like she did it just to piss me off. We got into a small argument on the way into work about something, I don’t even remember what, but she wasn’t being too talkative and was just playing on her phone, so I think she looked it up then and told me because she was mad at me. I texted her when I got to work asking why she did that and she said “I knew it would bother you to wait until the next season comes out to find out so I found out for you.” I think she did it just to be rude because she knows I avoid the comic book spoilers at all costs and she knows I absolutely hate having shows/movies spoiled for me. It’s not the first time she has done this either, she spoiled the Red Wedding for me to “prepare me” for the episode. I only saw the first couple Harry Potter movies and decided to marathon them all one weekend about a year ago and as I got into the fourth one she spoiled the entire series for me because she was annoyed that I was just watching movies all day and not putting her summer tires on, and now she gets mad that I refuse to finish the series with her.
I know its just a show but it really loving pisses me off that she did that. She says I’m being a baby for getting upset about something so minor but I feel like I’m justified. Am I or do I need to just get over it?
tl;dr: Girlfriend spoiled a giant cliffhanger likely just to piss me off, has a history of doing this
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Feb 9, 2017 04:26
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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quote:
GrowAPairAlready 107 points
She spoils the end of tv shows... spoil the end of your relationship.
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Feb 9, 2017 04:29
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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quote:
I [24/M] put myself on the line and did what my crush [23/F] wanted to do for Valentine's Day and I ended up on her couch alone.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. But this happened about 2 hours ago. First let's start 3 days ago, I was talking to my crush, let's call her Susan, and we were discussing Valentine's Day plans. She mentioned that she didn't have anything going on so I joked with her and said I should come over with a couple bottles of wine and we can have our own valentines date since we both don't have valentines. She laughed and obligees saying "it would be great to spend valentines with a great guy." So i decide to go all out and get her favorite bath bomb scent, 2 bottles of good Cabernet, her favorite bathe scents, and a dozen roses.
When I show up she kisses me on the cheek and thanks me for the gifts. The night begins with us sitting on the couch drinking good wine and enjoying each other's conversation and laughing with stories and what not. After a bit of time has past, I tell Susan my true feelings for her. That I have seen her as more than a friend and someone I truly like spending time with, she agrees and tells me how much she likes me back. Then things get weird.
After we finish the second bottle, there is a knock at the door.. In walks, let's call him Derek. Derek says hello to me and the 3 of us are sitting around her apartment. She pulls out a bottle of whiskey and we all start to drink that. After a short time of us all hanging around and talking her and Derek decide to go into the room for a "talk" and Susan tells me to wait for her. I come to the very easy conclusion that they're both having sex.
At this point I am too drunk to drive home but deeply saddened by this entire encounter, so I curl up under a blanket on her couch. Finally Derek exits and leaves the apartment and Susan asks me if I want to sleep beside her tonight. I politely decline and say I am comfortable on the couch where I am. Now here I am at 3:21 am, drunk and stuck on Susan's couch alone and really sad. I don't think I need relationship advice as I won't pursue this any further but I needed to tell this story to maybe feel better on a lovely Valentine's Day. I hope everyone had a better night than I did.
TL;DR: crush invited me over for a Valentine's date to drink, only to gently caress another guy while I have to sleep on her couch since I'm too drunk to drive home.
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Feb 15, 2017 12:56
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Brutal honest is the best way to deal with Shakespeare lady. Just share the interviewers comments and make sure to chime in that there's a reason you don't hear anyone talk like that. It is equally insufferable and retarded.
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Feb 15, 2017 21:06
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Fun Shoe
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Coworker [25F] thinks we [22F] [20 - 30 F/M] are using "office politics" to bully her?
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I've been a high school girl, so I know bullying in the form of ostracization. But this is not the case. There are no "office politics" oppressing the victim.
More or less, everyone in our office became close knit about 3 months ago. We were all in the same training class for a new branch in our company. After finishing training, majority of the people in the office felt comfortable exchanging Facebook info.
One person, Kathy [25F], told us all she didn't use Facebook. This was a lie because I had searched her name and found her before she stated this. It was an active and very public account, but I never outted her to the rest of the group. I believed it was her nice way of turning us down. I understood because not everyone is comfortable with work friends on their personal media.
Some weeks past and she lets it slip that she has a Facebook. Something about her dislike about her friends sharing stuff on her Feed. She was called out and she admitted she just didn't want to mix business with pleasure. Kathy didn't want work to get mixed with her personal life. Again, we understand.
So more months passed. And during said months, our group interacted outside of work. We went shopping together, had BBQ, movie nights, drank wine and watched Scandal, etc. And with this came inside jokes, more invitations, and emotional connections (?)
Last Monday, Kathy complained to me that our coworkers Brad and Joey were having a laugh during break. She feeling left out, asked what was so funny. They said she just had to be there to get it. She asked them to say it anyway, and that she'd probably get it. They did through giggles and when Kathy didn't laugh, they repeated she just had to be there to get it. When Kathy repeated the joke for me, I burst out laughing because it was an inside joke about something that happened at Joey's movie night. Kathy seemed hurt and went back to her desk.
Today during break, Patrice asked our other coworker Nancy what she should bring to Scandal night. This exchange happened in front of me and Kathy. Again Kathy piped up and asked what they were talking about. They explained that a few of us coworkers were getting together to watch Scandal and drink wine. Girl talk and stuff. They then started a conversation about the latest episode.
Kathy pulled me to the side and asked if everyone was doing things without her. I told her yes. She asked why she wasn't invited and I explained that it was because she told us she didn't want to mix business with pleasure. She still insisted it was rude not to ask and they were using "office politics" to bully her. She ranted about how she feels victimized and ostracized when she isn't included.
How do I explain it to her that her not being included is her fault and she can't force people to like/invite her?
TL;DR: Coworker doesn't want to mix personal life with work. She gets annoyed when everyone seems closer and does things outside of work without her.
EDIT: Bolded for emphasis since there is some confusion. Kathy has stated she doesn't want coworker interaction outside of work. Not just Facebook.
Ever since Kathy found out everyone does interact outside of work, she's been very curious about my texting (on break or after work). She wants to know if I'm texting X coworker or doing to X's coworker's event.
UPDATE (is this how I do it?):
I talked my coworkers during our time before shift starts (usually a coffee and donuts thing for everyone). I phrased it so that it seemed like I was hurt by the group talking about Scandal night in front of me. They understood and promised to keep that to themselves. I also stated that maybe next time me and Kathy could go.
Nancy was confused and Brad was visually disagreeing/pissed. Apparently, Kathy lied to me about not being invited. Why, I don't know.
Nancy sent Kathy a FB message weeks ago. Nancy said that she was thinking about having a TV and wine night. She listed a few shows and asked Kathy which would like to watch. It took Kathy a few days to respond after reading it. In the response, she said she “had better things to do then drink cheap wine and watch trash tv.”. Also to not message her on FB again. I physically saw the message to confirm it wasn’t some fake screenshot. I asked Nancy why she didn’t tell us about this and she said it would make the workplace hostile.
Brad also noted Kathy was a bitch and that I should just check out her Facebook. So I did and like before it's a very active and public account. Apparently, for months she's been posting status (Kathy's Tea) about our workplace. Sometimes venting, sometimes actually harmful statements. One that really bothered Brad was when she took creepshots of everyone and posted that he was a fat N-word (hard r), something about Tyler Perry. He only found this out because one of Kathy's FB friends sent it to him.
I was also not left out as she posted a direct photo from my own social media and captioned it that I'm a bottle redhead who sets feminist back. There was something about Nancy's Scandal night, but she called it for desperate soccer moms and wannabe stepford wives.
Brad said he didn't want to tell us because he went to HR and they haven't gotten back to him yet. That they said though it counts as cyber bullying, it's her social media BUT she had her phone on the work floor (against the rules).
So now I have all this information and confused on what to do. Kathy's been lying to me and very rude herself. But why would she lie to me? What her end game?
I have about 4 hours until my break with Kathy. Should I confront her?
Help i work with a sociopath
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Feb 17, 2017 13:12
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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I [26 M] am all of a sudden done mentally and emotionally with my 5-year marriage to my wife [27 F] after one too many attention-seeking threatsRelationships
submitted 4 months ago * by ridethestrugglebus
quote:
Throwaway because I'm probably going to get pretty specific. My wife and I are high school sweethearts and have been married for 5 years and we have a 2 year old son together. Over the years, she has struggled with OCD and personality disorder, occasionally taking medication to ease symptoms, but never consistently. A lot has happened in those 5 years (and 2 years prior of dating) that has scarred me emotionally and caused me to go into my own depression, which I take anti-depressants for. Mainly, she has used the threat of suicide to her advantage by my count 16 times, including an ultimatum for me to buy an engagement ring. And while I say threat, I know that she's very serious and I had some sort of intervention each of these 16 times, including 3 visits to the hospital.
She herself has also used the threat of divorce to her advantage too, and would break down when I finally agreed because she would admit she's just seeking my interest and attention more. Between the suicide threats and divorce threats, I became a robot at talking her down from these feelings, giving in to what she wanted and then we'd be "fine" for a few months.
She also has a horrendously toxic relationship with my parents, whom I love dearly as their only child. I've been fighting the fight for years, but she just hates them to the point where I've now told both sides to pretend that the other doesn't exist.
And it likely goes without saying that we have an everyday case of /r/deadbedrooms with no end in sight. And we've also gone into pretty intense debt from her shopping habits.
So, I've asked her if she can ever envision 1) Going to counseling to stop the suicide and divorce threats, 2) fixing her relationship with my parents, 3) making an effort with our sex life, and 4) getting out of debt. She said she could try but no promises on any of them.
So I feel so stuck and drained; I finally up and left to live at my parents' house to clear my brain for a few nights, but feel nothing short of hopelessness and rage. Does this equate to "irreconcilable differences" and is cause for divorce? Am I doing the wrong thing by not being able to overlook these 4 things she doesn't make a priority? All help is appreciated.
tl;dr: Wife used the threat of suicide and divorce so often that I'm checked out emotionally and don't know how to proceed.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who thought of my son first. I think she's a great mom to him and has always put him first ahead of both herself and me, so I don't feel he is in any danger when he's with her.
my dude, how broken is your brain
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Feb 18, 2017 00:53
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Is horse shy a thing people say?
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Feb 18, 2017 00:58
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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My (31F) husband (34M) of 2 years is bossy and I’m getting loving sick of it
u/sickofitthrowaway17quote:
Hi,
I guess I feel sort of stupid writing all this, because my husband “Thomas” honestly is a good guy. He is gentle, caring, and very funny. We have been married for 2 years, together for 8, and have no children. But he can also be very bossy and I’m having a hard time getting him to understand how much this upsets me.
For example, we have a pretty even division of housework (we both work full time). But he doesn’t agree with the way I do “my” chores. Like, I prefer to take out the garbage when the bag is all the way full (unless it smells or something) because that way we use fewer bags and I think it’s less wasteful. But he thinks it should be taken out when the bag is ~ 3/4 full. So I’ll be getting ready for work and he’ll come over looking annoyed and tell me to take the garbage out. He’s not even asking or suggesting, he just says “hey take the garbage out,” and walks away. I have told him many times I prefer to wait until the bag is full, but he insists it needs to go out now.
If it was just the garbage it wouldn’t even be a big deal, you know it’s just the trash so whatever, but he’s like that about so many things. He’s a morning person and I really am not, but he seems to think he can turn me into one by getting me up early, even on the weekends and times we don’t have morning plans. He actually turns on the lights and tells me “it’s time to get up,” like I’m a teenager. It’s so ridiculous. When I was really tired I have told him not to get me up and that I need to sleep, but he usually comes back in 30 minutes or so insisting that I’ll “sleep the day away” and won’t be tired at night. Left to my own devices I usually get up around 9-9:30am on weekends. He starts getting me up around 8am.
Bedtime is tough too, because like I said he’s a morning person. He wants to go to bed around 10pm every night and gets annoyed that I don’t want to sleep then. He insists he can’t sleep if I’m awake and moving around our apartment, although at night I would typically just be working on my computer in the office. It’s not like I’m cartwheeling in the living room. I frankly cannot sleep that early no matter how tired I am and have told him so several times. Sometimes when I stay up he makes like a passive aggressive show of “having” to stay up until I go to bed and comments repeatedly how exhausted he is.
It just feels like as time goes on, more and more things have to be done his way. He wants to eat dinner together every night, but my work schedule can be unpredictable so sometimes I don’t get home until 8pm. I’m very good about texting to let him know my schedule, but when I have later days he won’t eat until I come home, occasionally texting to let me know he’s starving. He never wants to go out with friends any more, especially in the evenings, but gets upset when I decide that I do.
This has all come to a head this weekend because I’m sick. I mostly just want to sleep and occasionally have soup. I know he’s trying to help, but it’s been a nonstop barrage of all the things I have to do. “Take more cough medicine” “don’t sleep too much or you won’t be tired tonight” “eat more yogurt” “change out of your pajamas”. Mostly it’s stuff I know or am going to do anyway, I just wish he would stop commanding me to do it. Just a few minutes ago he announced he had to go to the store and told me, “I want all that Gatorade finished by the time I come back.” I had been sipping it off and on, but now I don’t want any. I want to throw it at him.
We have talked before about how I don’t like it when he just tells me to do things, but he gets really defensive and maintains that he has good reasons for wanting things a certain way. Once he even claimed that me asking him not to tell me what to do was really me telling him what to do, which just silly imo. I have been trying to convince him to attend couples counseling with me, but he says that because we are so busy he’d rather spend our free time doing stuff together, instead of in someone else’s office.
So reddit, I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t know how to tell my (mostly awesome) husband that his bossy and dismissive behavior is seriously killing any affection I have for him. What can I do to convince him that this is something we need to address?
Tl;dr: My husband is a good guy, but can be very bossy and I feel like he treats me like I’m a child. What can I do to convince him that this behavior is a problem?
none of this sounds "mostly awesome" to me, i think the correct words are mostly insufferable
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Mar 19, 2017 11:45
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Lets play spot the buried ledes
I (25F) am getting incredibly frustrated with the sleeping situation now that I live with my boyfriend (25M)
u/Sleepingissues98123
quote:
My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been dating for a year and a half and have been living together for 6 months. Everything has been going well except for our constant fighting about sleeping.
The issue is pretty much that I cannot sleep in the same bed as him, due to multiple reasons.
When I first moved in I found the mattress to be incredibly uncomfortable, so I slept on the couch until I caved and bought us a new mattress and bed frame. I thought that would solve the sleeping problem, but after a few days of sleeping in the same bed as him his snoring would keep me up and I couldn't sleep. We did sleep together in the same bed at my old place when we had sleepovers before I moved in but his snoring has gotten significantly worse since then and it is now louder and unbearable. I believe it might be due to weight gain and how much he eats before bedtime, and he has a couple of drinks in the evening, but he refuses to do anything about any of those things so it is what it is.
So due to the snoring I was getting incredibly frustrated and sleep deprived, so I set up an air mattress in our second bedroom (which is also used as our storage room) and have been sleeping on the air mattress for basically the past 6 months.
In addition to the snoring issue, he needs the bedroom to be toasty warm and dead silent, whereas I need the room to be an icebox and I need a fan or a white noise machine going. We really weren't meant to sleep in the same room together lol.
I am sick of sleeping on an air mattress and I can feel myself getting snappy with my boyfriend all the time now because I am just so angry all of the time! I have never been like this before, I have no idea why I am getting like this.
I have told him that I just want to sleep on a real bed for a full night but he refuses to sleep on the air mattress or the couch because they aren't as comfy as our bed and he can't get a good night's sleep. He says he absolutely needs a good night's sleep because he can't perform well at his job without it. I am getting resentful because it's like his sleep is more important than mine. I've mentioned that I want to put our new bed (which I paid for myself) in the second bedroom for me and he can sleep on the old one (we still have it, it's just sitting against a wall because he didn't want to throw it out) but he says that won't work because there is no room for a queen sized bed in the second bedroom. He's right - because the second bedroom is mostly taken up by all of his "storage" stuff which he won't get rid of.
I am not sure what to do. I am so frustrated and I feel like there is no solution. We can't move to a 3 bedroom apartment because the cost of living in our city is outrageous and we can barely afford the 2 bedroom that we have now. After re-reading what I wrote I know I must sound like a salty unreasonable person, but I can't help but be mad and frustrated at not being able to sleep in a real bed. Am I being unreasonable here? Is there any solutions to this issue? Help!!
tl;dr: We can't sleep in the same bed and I am frustrated with sleeping in an air mattress. What to do?
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May 29, 2017 12:26
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Also what kind of garbage human needs the room toasty to sleep
For that alone id suffocate him with a plastic bag
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May 29, 2017 12:29
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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From the comments
quote:First, the practical advice. Insist he get tested for sleep apnea. There are also anti-snoring devices out there he can try. An old school remedy is to take his sleep shirt and sew a pocket dead center in the back (use an old tshirt or something for the pocket fabric). Insert a tennis ball every night before he sleeps. He will sleep on his side. He might have a few restless nights until he gets used to it, if he's been used to sleeping on his back. But he will adjust and eventually not even need the tennis ball.
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May 29, 2017 12:32
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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quote:
Maybe, just maybe, you can ask him to clean his nose everyday while taking a shower. It might do wonders.
P.S. I too had a similar problem and this solved the snoring part.
Im not sure why i find this comment so funny
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May 29, 2017 12:38
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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HAVE U CONSIDERED CLEAN UR NOSE
-a redditor
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May 29, 2017 12:52
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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What sign should I [29M] put on my door to keep nosy/needy neighbors [teens-40s M/F] from constantly knocking on my door?
u/trisk
quote:
Tl;dr: Bother-y neighbors. Anxiety. Sign on door to stop? Thank.
I live in a close quarters apartment complex. I have intense, reactive anxiety, to the point of suffering debilitating panic attacks when people knock on my door.
At least once per day, my neighbors knock on my door. Sometimes it's a teenager asking for cigarettes, sometimes its a 20-something selling brownies, sometimes it's a 40-something asking me to microwave a piece of cheese on a piece of bread (not kidding.)
Each time it's a ten-minute ordeal of putting my dogs in their kennels, panicking, and trying to calm down so I'm not hyperventilating. Then after they leave it's 20 minutes more of physically calming my panic, and another hour before I'm back near baseline calm.
Due to my severe anxiety, I don't want to actually confront them in person, but jeez, I just want them to stop bothering (scaring) me.
I think a sign on my door might work. Is a sign even a good answer? What should it say? They're nice enough people, so I'd prefer not to be rude, if possible.
Thank you for your help.
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May 31, 2017 09:22
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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When is elsa gonna illustrate hugh and the truck
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Jun 1, 2017 12:13
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Non-dog owners outing themselves ITT
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Jun 14, 2017 18:33
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Owning a dog for 12 years isn't the same as owning a cat hth
Husband is human trash, divorce the oval office
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Jun 14, 2017 18:36
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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I'm a few pages late but that girl driving the speed limit in the passing lane was either an amazing troll or a person that I would drag out of their car and light on fire in the breakdown lane.
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Jun 25, 2017 11:58
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Here's a feel good story to help you enjoy your Sunday funday
Is the way my (23F) boyfriend of two years (32M) treats me normal?
quote:
My boyfriend has communication issues. It's not that he doesn't communicate much, but he doesn't communicate at all.
Sometimes he'll come home angry or frustrated at something. I'll say hello and he'll just ignore me. I ask him if something is wrong. He ignores me. I'll ask him if I did something wrong? Usually more ignoring. But last night he just told me to go away.
He ignores me a lot. He denies it, but has a pretty funny definition of ignoring. To him ignoring is not hearing someone, so, since he heard me, it's not ignoring. It's just "he has nothing to say" or, my favorite, what I say "doesn't merit a response." This happens OFTEN. He expects me to listen about his work or hobbies, but he ignores or cuts me off when I talk about mine.
Yesterday I approached him a couple hours after one of these episodes, telling him the way he treats me isn't normal. I tell him that if he wants to be alone, say "I want to be alone" instead of ignoring me or saying "go away." He asks why. I tell him because it's not nice and it's disrespectful. He says he doesn't have to be respectful or nice.
Today he talked to me like normal. I told him I was still upset with him for saying he doesn't have to respect/be nice to me. He says that was my interpretation. It wasn't, it was verbatim. He concedes and says "I wanted to be alone."
He's really good at making me feel like I'm over reacting or being crazy. I feel like that one crazy girlfriend that's always freaking out over dishes or something.
TL;DR: My boyfriend ignores me and tells me to go away. He's making me feel crazy for being upset about it.
quote:
I'd rather be alone at this point. Thought I admit it's very hard, since I don't have any friends. Leaving him would leave me completely alone. quote:Honestly? Because I'm lonely and people don't like me. I know that's not a good excuse, but I've been alone all my life. It's not fun. quote:Probably. I think he's on the spectrum AND an rear end in a top hat.
Honestly, there is nothing to do around here. I look all the time, but the only social groups seem to be mommy or religious groups.
I'm starting school soon, but I still have to work full time, so that probably won't help me socially. I grew up very isolated and really never had friends. I just don't think it's in me.
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Jun 25, 2017 12:05
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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There's an amazing amount of people on /r/legaladvice that try not to get insurance involved, even with video proof that they're not at fault. It's like the equivalent of /r/relationships' "I don't want to break up with them though"
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Jul 11, 2017 18:51
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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all that because he wouldnt take one d
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Jan 8, 2018 12:41
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 12, 2024 05:12
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- DOMDOM
- Apr 28, 2007
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Me [21 M] with my mom [50 F], we do not get alongNon-Romantic
submitted 5 minutes ago by momandidontgetalong
quote:So my mother and I have our good days, and our bad days in our relationship, as I figure most families do. Much of the tension comes from the fact that I often forget to do things I have promised her I'll do (little things and big things), and I definitely do have issues with being honest (e.g. telling her I did homework I didn't do, or that I was one place when I was another, but nothing big like drugs or anything like that). Now for the part that I am wondering if it is normal:
There was the period when, to try to get me to be honest, she would cut herself slightly with a knife every time she caught me making something up (it would bleed a little, but not a lot)
There was the time she left our house to walk to the beach and said she was going to drown herself
She not infrequently tells me she will always love me but doesn't like me and doesn't want to see me ever again (this usually resolves itself fairly quickly)
Today: I upset my mother (after discussing something related to her physical therapy) and she said she didn't care about getting better because she just felt like jumping out a window and was then upset when I broke down crying because "she didn't say she was going to do it"
At least I am graduating from college in a couple months, but I'll be living at home for a couple months after that.
TL;DR: My mother seems to blame me for her inability to deal with me, and I don't know how to deal with this
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Apr 12, 2018 20:40
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Dec 19, 2016 11:55
