quote:

I (22F) think my boyfriend (24M) is in love with his lesbian coworker

Been with my boyfriend (Tim) for about 6months now, and he is my first real relationship. I've had some issues with guys in the past (messed around, been cheated with etc.) so I am still a little distrustful and wary of guys, with my self-esteem a little in tatters.

Tim works a lot and is really close with his co-workers. Especially this one girl we shall call Sophie. Sophie is really sweet and lovely, and I like her. Sophie also happens to be gay. Tim spends a lot of time with her, outside of work especially, and he always seems a little bit "over the top" when he is with her.

For example, I came to visit Tim at work and he ignored me the entire time and just spoke to Sophie the whole time, laughing at her jokes as if she were the most hilarious person in the world. Now I realise I have self-esteem issues and this is probably the cause of all this (she's gay it doesn't matter etc.) but he really isn't meeting me halfway.

I have spoken to him multiple times, sat him down and told him: "look, I feel uncomfortable about how much time you spend with Sophie, I have some self-esteem issues and it makes me feel sad and a little worthless". It all goes well and good, until later that evening he goes out to dinner with her! He lied and said he was going with multiple co-workers, but it was just her.

We had a proper heart-to-heart recently, and I told him everything I was feeling (about how I love him, but he doesn't "love" me in my way but eventually he will in "his" way?) and he was saying he has issues with expression himself emotionally. It felt really good to get it all out and I believed we were on the way to fixing things. But now he's just accepted to go on holiday with Sophie and 2 other girls. And he doesn't know why that upsets me.

So reddit, what am I to do?? He of course says that it's a platonic relationship between him and Sophie and they're just friends, but I can't help but feel that if she wasn't gay, he'd choose her over me. I'm trying really hard to work on my insecurities but he isn't meeting me halfway at all. What can I say/do to make him realise that it hurts regardless of her sexuality?

tl;dr: I think boyfriend is in love with lesbian coworker, won't meet me halfway to stop spending so much time with her, and I just insecure?

quote:

Husband's [28M] cat constantly scratches me [27F] and my stuff

We're newlyweds, and my husband's frisky, playful cat "Meowster" frequently scratches me. I know he's "our" cat now, but I'm not used to fearing for my skin being punctured in my own home. Meowster likes to bat at anything that moves, and anything dangly or stringy, like my hair. Batting at my hair quickly turns into clawing at my neck and/or back. I've had multiple scratches and skin punctures, some of which have bled. Meowster is not vicious though; he just has a really high prey drive. Meowster scratches my husband too, though he doesn't seem to mind much. In fact, on our wedding day, my husband had two red claw marks from Meowster on his forehead. People asked him about it all night long.

Meowster can jump on most counters and tables. My husband squirts him with water when he catches Meowster on the dining table, but he thinks most of Meowster's antics are adorable. Meowster chews and scratches shoes, all articles of clothing left on the ground or couch or chairs, and pretty much anything he can get his claws on. He has ruined my husband's leather dining table chairs with his claws, chewed through at least one cable, and broke the first gift I ever got my husband when we were dating.

To make matters worse, one of my in-laws jokingly implied to other relatives that I made my fiance-at-the-time get a cat knowing that my in-laws do not like cats so that they wouldn't want to drop by our place.

Unfortunately, getting a cat was indeed my suggestion, though my husband got our cat months before our wedding, months before we moved in together, and with me being minimally involved in the process. (My husband's friend feeds some stray cats, and one of the cats had kittens. My husband heard frequent updates on one of the kittens from his friend, and excitedly asked me if it was okay to adopt Meowster, without us being able to meet him first. Knowing he was super attached to the kitten already, I said, if he wants to take 100% responsibility for Meowster, I'm okay with the adoption.) Everyone thinks I made him get the cat, which I most definitely did not, as I wanted us to have settled into our marriage first, and to eventually pick out an adult cat together who's a great personality fit for us.

I had initially suggested a cat because my husband wouldn't let us get a dog. My good friend has one of the sweetest, most lovable kitties in existence. I love that fat bundle of fluff, and wanted to get one just like her. Little did I know, I would end up with frequent skin punctures.

tl;dr: Husband's cat attacks me. In-laws think I made husband get the cat to keep them away. Husband thinks I'm being mean by complaining about his "baby".

quote:

Me 21F with my FWB 23M duration, He cant seem to stay aroused during sex.

So whenever my FWB(John) and I have sex he seems to get about half hard or when he does get hard he loses it quickly and never finishes. I try to be very kind and reassuring about it. John tells me that he often gets anxiety and feels pressure, but he can watch porn, get hard and then finish. John also has a thing for anal stimulation, and he has told me he is only into girls. John has a history of anxiety and I want to be able to help him finish during sex.

tl;dr: My FWB does not finish during sex, how can I help him?

Bud K ninja sword posted:

thanks OP for the 3rd valiant attempt



(spaced out because goddamn all clumped together is hard to read)

quote:

My [22F] bf [24M] of 2 years keeps insisting I sleep without a bra on. I don't feel comfortable

Ive had my boobs sneak up on me at an early age and Ive hated them ever since. Because of this Ive basically always worn bras even during sleep times as they're big and I sleep on my tummy so it gets uncomfortable if they're all over the place if that makes sense ?.

I also wear pretty tight bras (sports bras or normal thin material bras that are just as strong tight/full coverage as sports bras) as it makes my boobs appear more proportionate to my small body frame. Combine that with a loose shirt and I no longer get the whole "omg why would you get a boob job at such a young age, you should be happy with who you are" BS. And of course no one ever believes you when you explain that you actually didnt get one. "of course you didnt dear, and I was born yesterday" OKAY. So as you can see tight spots bras have been my savior and Ive gotten use to them a lot. to me theyre incredibly comfortable

My bf however is convinced that woman like to walk around without a bra if they could and everyone he knows cant wait till they get home to take that bra off. And here I am being a prude and wont even take them off during sleep!.

I tried telling him the issue and he went and searched some stupid online crap that basically said "woman with big boobs hate bras and can't wait to take them off"

He thinks Im keeping the bra on because I dont want him to touch me during the night but that ultimately Im not comfortable which is not the case at all. He keeps insisting he wont touch me and that I should be comfortable in his bed (hes convinced when Im in my bed I must sleep without them).

How do I knock some sense into him ? is it really that rare for woman to sleep with a bra on.

tl;dr: Bf is convinced that I sleep with a bra on because I dont want him to touch me. I cant sleep without a bra but he wont listen.

quote:

I (28f) am falling in love with husbands (32m) brother (35m) and I want him gone

I want to kick my BIL out

Me and my husband have been married 8 years and have 3 children together I'm SAHM he works construction we are very very happy together , rarely fight, have tons of fun together ect ect.

Now Hubby's brother came to live with us just over a year ago when he fell on hard times it was all good until now. I feel like I'm falling in love with him! I don't know any other way to describe it other than a very very intense feeling, I want him so bad it makes me feel sick. He makes me smile and I want him around all the time. It disgusts me.. he is not attractive or anything special I don't know where this is coming from

And the problem is he IS around ALL the time as he is not working at the moment so we spend too much time around each other. When he is around I am nice and flirty (unintentional) then as soon as he leaves I am disgusted with myself. I dream about him almost every night

I love my husband very very much and would NEVER cheat, we have an amazing Sex life so nothing lacking there. I don't want to feel like this all the time I'm miserable! Going from being extremely horny and wanting to bang BIL all the time to being extremely disgusted with myself ......all day long .

I want him out!!! I can't tell my hubby how I feel obviously and I don't think BIL has a clue (thankfully) I don't know what to do here people? help!

TL;DR: falling in love /lust with BIL want to kick him out, can't tell hubby, know one knows help

quote:

My [23F] boyfriend [24M] cheated and I forgave him, but I keep feeling like I need to cheat to get back at him??

Basically, Josh* and I have been together two and a half years, we had a bad patch a year ago and he cheated on me, I was absolutely disgusted and heartbroken when I found out almost nine months later from the girl he'd cheated with. He copped a lot from me, because he never came forward and told me, and I was so so mad at him. He apologised, he'd been a lovely person to me. But I decided to forgive him because I loved him and we'd worked through all of the problems we had in that time. He said he never wanted to tell me because he was afraid he'd lose me.

It's been about two months since I was told everything, and I've grilled him on it a hundred times, each time he's answered all my questions, and his story hasn't changed so I know he's not lying about it. He's horrible at remembering lies he's told, so gets caught out easily.

But recently I can't help but feel like I need to cheat on him, or do something horrible to get back at him. I don't think I could go through with it, and I'm not sure if I'm just feeling this way because I'm so emotional from everything. I keep planning things in my head, but never actually initiating anything with other people. I don't know how to get over this, or if it's something I should tell him?

tl;dr: Boyfriend cheated, I forgave him. Now I feel like I need to cheat/get back at him in a way that would hurt him. Not sure if this will pass or what my problem is

Rutibex posted:

can we also post from r/polyamory or is that shooting fish in a barrel?

quote:

Me [24m] with my GF [24F] of 3 years, I believe she is cheating on me again and I dont know how to bring up the issue

So my GF has cheated on me before. Several times actually. And I was always able to just ignore it, rationalize it. To be sure, I love this women and have had some of the best moments in my life with her right by my side, however, these past couple weeks Ive noticed something was...up with her. The other night she just randomly decided to "go for a drive" and insisted she go alone.

Like I said, she has cheated on me before. SO when she decided to head out I had this sneaking, nagging suspicion that she wasnt go out on a drive. The next day while she ws in the shower (not proud of this) I looked through her phone and sure enough, she been texting this guy back and forth for the several weeks now and they have already met up a few times. Their texts don't describe anything explicitly but I know this girl. The signs are there. She hasn't told me about this new friend, much like the last time. Its eating me up and I haven't been able to be around her without obviously exuding that something is on my mind. How do I bring it up? I only know about this because I too was being sneaky. But her past behavior has given me reason to suspect and when I followed that suspicion, I was(potentially) correct. I am trying to trust her again but stuff like this makes it difficult. Yes, I know I was "untrustworthy" by looking in her phone but...the signs were there.

TL;DR- Suspect GF is cheating on me again. Looked through her phone and saw texts between her and another guy that clearly show a relationship between them. Shes been to his house a few times already and has lied about where she was going when she actually went to see him. Need to bring this up to her but I only know about it because I looked through phone. How??

quote:

Is My [20M] Roomate [20M] Racist?

-Going to try to keep it short. I'm 20, in college and i'm half black and half Indian.

-There have been recent riots and protests in Charlotte, NC (USA) against the shooting of a black civilian. My roommate traveled back home to Charlotte and I asked him if he seen any riots. He then continued to say how the protesters pissed him off, said that they were not protesting because of someone's murder, but rather just to loot and create chaos. I explained that not all of them were looters and the only way for change to happen and cops to be raised to a higher standard of professionalism is for people to speak out.

-He then said that "for someone like me to see the protests and riots, I could care less about the cause" then repeating "I could care less".

-There was more dialog between us. Later on he said the "if they were blocking the highway I would just run over them." He said this after mentioning the danger that the rioters may pose to him.

-Another thing that stood out to me was when there were protesters at my college campus due to someone defacing a black history poster with by hanging bananas on it and other events at my school. He mentioned how he was joking with a friend about saying something antagonizing to the protesters and have them try to chase him, knowing that they "wont catch him".

-There are other things make me suspicious like him staring down black people etc. These are just instances that stand out. I don't think he believes he is a racist and he's not a overt racist in general, but might be a covert one. I don't look 100% black, so maybe he feels like he can get away with saying some of the things that he says.

-Do you think i'm overreacting or does he seem like a racist? Either way I think I'm going to get a new roommate next year. I do not like that negative energy. We've been roommates for 2 years, going on 3. How should I go about it? I was going to make an excuse that i'm going to live off campus with some friends .

tl;dr: Roommate might be racist. Mentioned running over black protesters if they got in his way on the interstate. How should I tell him i don't want to be roomates.

loquacius posted:

the problem is that a lot of these are good but super super long


look at that poo poo, it's like 3 E/N threads and the guy is not a great writer

read it if you got time tho, it's super hosed-up

paco650 posted:

Post more reddit, imo


It's Ashley Jones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obKP5uvp9ic

quote:

I live in a dorm right now but drive home on the weekends because I thought my family was really close. I got home before everyone else last Friday.

I decided to log into the family computer and check my e-mail. When I opened Chrome I saw someone was logged into Facebook and had a messaging window open. I was going to close the tab but I saw the most recent message from the other person had the n-word in it. I'm black, my family is mostly white.

I read it. The other person had said "Good parenting will trump the n*gger in him every time! You're a good mom, be proud and don't worry about "OP" he knows better than to hang out with other thugs."

It was my mom's account. The other person had said the n-word about me before that and my mom had responded as if it was normal. I read what she'd been saying about me previous to that message. She never called me a racial slur that I saw but she did call my bio dad that word and said a lot of really hurtful things about worrying about my "nature" and what I'd do to fit into my "tribe" now that I'm living on my own. This was a conversation stretched out over days, she said a lot of things that made me want to throw up about black people in general and made it sound like she did her best to "civilize" that out of me.

Growing up I was picked on for being black and always felt like my mom was in my corner and had my back. The betrayal from her is worse than it would be coming from anyone else.

I logged out of the account, left my iPhone on the table and drove to a park. I wanted to start the drive back to my dorm immediately but I started crying too hard to drive. I stayed on a motel that night and drove back early the next morning.

When I got there my roommate said my parents had been calling all morning worried because they found my phone and didn't know where I was. I used his phone to text my dad and tell him I was fine and would contact them again if I decided I want to. My dad and mom blew up my roommate's phone. I called Dad and I told him I need some space to calm down and think before we got into it. He didn't like it but I told him if he pushed it we'd both regret it.

Edit: my mom also really discouraged me from making friends with the other black kid in high school for reasons that never made sense to me at the time.

tl;dr: I saw some of the humiliating, racist things my mom said about me and now I feel like my family thinks I'm some pet project they took on out of pity and they don't love me as a real child. I don't want to see them and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can forgive her for this and I'll always wonder what the rest of them really think about me.


I [20m] was adopted when I was 8 and I saw that my adoptive mom [52f] said some racist things about me to her racist friend and I don't want to go home again now.

gentle pete posted:

quote:

[Update] My [28f] fiance's [31m] fetish is growing out of control. We talked it through, and made some decisions.

Since then a lot of people have private messaged me with good advice. Some people have insulted my fiance. A couple tried to get themselves involved in my sex life by asking if they could be a bull (what the gently caress?). I took the advice to heart and had a talk with my fiance.

Here's what happened:

The hotwifing/cuckold fetish stuff continued on as I expected. He continuously kept pushing new ideas about how I can humiliate him at our wedding. First he asked if we could get married with my boyfriend's semen inside of me, and I said no. Somewhere between his suggestion that my vows to him involve talking about how useless and pathetic of a man he is, and his other suggestion about me wearing an "I <3 BBC" anklet (he goes crazy when I talk about my black exes although I'm not sure how I feel about him fetishizing a race), I interrupted him and told him it wasn't working for me. I basically poured out all of my feelings about how his attitude is ruining my wedding.

After a lot of talking, some yelling, and an unhealthy dose of self-deprecation from him, we've come to an understanding that I want to please him, but don't want to make it public. So, where possible, we're working in a few things that he wants to do, but they're very small and limited. It makes him so happy when I agree to an idea so I can't help doing something. Instead of writing "prep the bull" at the end of our highlight video, we're going to write berth ell pup, which is an anagram of it. If asked we'll just say it means "I love you" in Old Norse. I won't wear a visible anklet, but I'll wear panties with a similar message on them (with another white pair on top). As for having sex with my boyfriend before the wedding in the makeup room, I told him that definitely crosses the line and the answer will still be no.

We have started couples counseling with a therapist who is qualified as a sex therapist as well. We all acknowledged that my fiance has a serious problem, although the therapist said that indulging in his desires from time to time is not terribly harmful in this sort of case. She gave us indispensable advice about instead of focusing on what I refuse to do, focus on a line of what we can do, making clear rules. He should respect those rules by not even suggesting something which bends them. My rules are if it's safe, painless, and private, I'll happily consider it.

Things are going better now although there was one hiccup of him getting turned on during the therapist's meeting and later admitting in private that he was playing with himself in the bathroom (apparently when the two of us were discussing how he was being selfish it set him off?). I was too confused to know what to say, but shaming him for having sexual desires doesn't seem right either. I don't know if I want to bring this up in our next session.

tl;dr: Drew some lines with my fiance, and things are going better! We're in therapy now. Thank you for your great advice.

Gamer With Dignity posted:

I'm sure that all of that is real and not at all made up.

Bud K ninja sword posted:

quote:

First off, would like to thank everyone for their responses and for taking the time to give me advice. I did not expect the 300 or so comments I received, so please don't take it personally if I didn't reply to yours. I was very much overwhelmed by and grateful for the support.

On to the update:

Took the general advice and confronted Valerie and used therapy as a non negotiable term.

So Tuesday when I posted I saw Kate at work and bluntly said "You don't need to report on me today or any day after this. I'll be talking to my wife after I'm done today." She got this blank look on her face and said she didn't know what I meant but I noticed her hanging around significantly less than usual after that.

I did my best to focus on my work but I asked to go home early because it was just impossible with everything looming ahead for me to concentrate. I went home and texted my wife that I was home early and I needed to talk to her when she was done work so to please come home right away. I got a bunch of "Whats going on??" "Whats wrong?" texts but just kept telling her I'd talk to her at home.

She got home and I got into it right away. Told her I knew about the texts with Kate, about the spying, the harassment of Heather. She was mad at first and kept adamantly saying she did nothing wrong and if I had nothing to hide why did it matter. I told her to please not play me for a fool and outlined all the things her behavior meant like lack of trust and sheer vindictiveness. I brought up the consequences like my damaged trust and drama in the workplace. I also brought up how my job could be at risk because of this. She made a point to say they couldn't fire me without also removing Heather as she'd say she was being inappropriate towards a married man in the workplace and Kate would back her up. That brought us to a heated argument and it ended with her crying and me yelling. She started asking "Who the gently caress is Heather to you that you give so much of a poo poo anyway?" and derailed into this whole thing about me caring too much about someone I claimed meant nothing to me.

I don't want to get into too much detail because this would be extremely long but the conversation was a good 5-6 hours long. It ended with her agreeing to go to couples therapy and individual if the couples therapist so deemed it. She apologized to me a lot and admitted she had been acting out of jealousy and anger towards Heather. She asked if I wanted her to apologize to Heather in person but I said no, I didn't want there to be more drama. I watched as she texted Kate and told her to stop and that she was sorry for dragging her into it. She gave me the password to her phone for transparency but I told her it was pointless as if she really wanted to continue, she could just delete the texts before I saw them or change the name or whatever. I told her I expected her to keep her word to stop because if I got any indication that this was still going on after our talk that I would separate from her and file for divorce.

Yesterday morning things still seemed tense but it was to be expected. She still kissed me before going to work and we had a normal text conversation on our commute. I get to work and Kate apologizes to me and I accept it but tell her our work relationship from here on out is forever changed and there's no going back from it. I tell her that beyond work conversation, we have nothing else to talk about. She accepted it and went on to start the day.

Lunch rolls in. I ask Bryan if he'll let me buy him lunch and thank him for telling me. We go to have lunch and he asks me if I've heard Heather put in her request for a transfer. Apparently on Tuesday when I left early, Heather asked why I wasn't at my desk because she had brought over the week's project booklet and had seen me there earlier. Kate of all people told her I had gone home to "deal with personal issues". When Heather asked if everything was alright Kate told her that she hoped so because "I don't want to see someone come between Valerie and worldsgonemadd's marriage". There must have been a bit more to the exchange because Heather went all the way up to our boss's boss and asked for a transfer to a different department.

I feel extremely embarrassed because without a doubt I feel like that guy now in the office. I know Bryan isn't a gossip but of course people will ask why Heather transferred and without a doubt it will eventually get out. People who used to talk to me casually probably will stop. The women of the office will feel as if they need to keep their distance. And I feel so ashamed that I can't even approach Heather to apologize for the stress this must have caused her. I doubt she even would want to see my face at this point.

So yes, wife has agreed to counselling both couples and individual, apologized to me, all those things. But the damage is now done and I feel like complete poo poo about work now. I guess I shouldn't have been so naive to think that just fixing this with my wife would make everything else go away.

Anyway, thank you all for the advice, I was feeling very at sea before writing that post. I still feel a bit lost as far as how to deal with the fall out of all of this but at least I have one part of it sorted or on its way to being sorted out so that's a positive.

tl;dr: Confronted my wife about the texts. She agreed to go to couples therapy and individual therapy and cut contact with the office spy. Unfortunately Heather put in a request for a transfer so it seems like while I may be able to salvage my personal relationship, my work relationship is now tarnished.

quote:

Me (27F) and my Fiance (27M) decide to try playing with another couple. I find texts to the other woman, not sure how to deal.

Me and my fiancé have been toying with the idea of playing with other people for a long while now. I have played with other men before (with his consent) but he’s never bother looking for a girl. Recently we have met a couple who are poly, and into us both (everyone’s bi/curious) We all meet up and everyone hits it off eerily well. The couple is essentially a mesh of our personalities in different doses. Everything has been well up until I started reading my fiancé’s messages from the other woman (we have an open door rule. Nothing is hidden). I started reading through everything since I’m naturally nosey and he likes to get worked up reading mine. There were a few parts of the conversation between him and her which made me feel absolutely worthless, and I’m not sure how to get over it. Mostly things like “ I wish you were here right now doing such and such to/with me” and “ I can’t wait to see you again/Can’t wait to do ______ with you” Normally I’m really good with the whole jealously thing but I’m not sure why this is getting to me like nothing else. I think the main thing is he wants to do things to her, he doesn’t do to me and he knows I like them being done (foot rubbing, being dom, going down on me, etc.)I’ve talked to him about this and he says he doesn’t really care much for doing them, he’s more so just saying it to get a rouse from her. We had a “wife swap” day when me and the other girl traded places and hung out with the guys. Nothing really happened with me and her husband aside from cuddling/light touching, but when we met back up to switch back I saw the look in my Fiancé’s eyes and just felt dread. He was happier than I have ever seen him, and as I found out later they went further than we did. This was shocking to me since he’s always been so shy, I didn’t think they would actually do anything out of sheer shy awkwardness on both ends. Since talking to him about this he’s been nicer than he normally is to me which in all honesty kind of makes me feel worse. It tells me he feels guilty but if there was no real feelings there, then there should be no guilt right? I could just be paranoid about my own insecurities. But I appreciate any advice on how to accept/overcome my initial jealousy streak.

*TL;DR Fiancé and I decided to play with another couple. Fiancé said some things to other woman that upset me. Don’t know how to get over it, or if it’s just my own insecurities. *

quote:

Girlfriend [19] keeps guys who hit on her around as "friends", confused?

Recently me and my SO of 3 years have become temporarily long distance and she has turned 19 since, and has been enjoying clubbing twice a week and dancing having nights out with her friends! however, she is constantly being hit on by males, and while that is absolutely natural. she attempts to turn them into her friends, she will hangout with them, text them and accept drinks from them all while overlooking their intentions. it has accumulated to where she has her 2 friends that are girls. and a large amount of guy friends, which constantly hit on her. this makes me uncomfortable, if i had friends who hit on me and wouldn't respect mine or my SO boundries, i would assume they're not my friend at all, and dont have friendly intentions, nor should i try and change them into having them...

when i asked her about it, she said "they deserve a chance to be my friend when they know i have a boyfriend".

She has stated she has a hard time getting friends that are girls, cause shes afraid they wont like her. (shes very short and high pitched voice, and believes girls will see her as just "awe your cute")

im moreso curious as to why she thinks these are her "friends", are they her friends? im not worried about cheating, however is she looking for male aproval? anyone have experience with this?

tl;dr - girlfriend gets hit on by guys and keeps them around labelling them as friends, even though they continue to hit on her.

quote:

Me [33F] with my husband [40m] of 10 years got in a physical fight. Can we recover?

My husband and I are on a vacation in Europe to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We have three children together. I had some concerns about this trip because my husband is a very awful person when he drinks (I can be too so I choose not to drink). One time about five years ago he got way too drunk at a small gathering at his bosses' house, humiliated me (and himself but he didn't see it that way) and on the way home he punched me on my hand while I was driving us home and trying to turn down the radio. I got home and called the police because I absolutely don't accept this. They did nothing. I went to al anon for a while, we had talks and he agreed to slow down while drinking.

Its not that he drinks too often because he doesn't, but in a social setting he gets way too drunk. Puking is not uncommon when he does drink, horrible behavior is assured.

Our vacation started with Oktoberfest so I was understandably worried. I'd actually asked to cancel this trip a few times. I hate flying and I don't like drinking at this point at all, for either of us. We went and things went predictibly bad. We were with a tour group and my husband left for a very long time. More than an hour. The group left me while I waited for him. I went back to the hotel and there he was on the U train. I pushed him. Yes, I did. I was angry, I had some beer (but was sober, I took a breathalyzer). Well, that did not go over well. We got to the room and he beat the poo poo out of me. When I screamed for the police he strangled me. He put his hand in my mouth and tore the skin under my tongue, split my lip and I am absolutely covered in bruises and even some things that look worse than any bruise I've seen. I ran to the hotel lobby after biting him. The police came, they asked if we have a joint bank account and how much is in it. I said yes and gave a rough estimate. He said if they arrest him it will cost thousands of euros to pay the fine and then how can I afford a flight home? They helped me get him removed from the hotel and they left. My husband stole my cell phone and lied to the police and said he didn't have it. Husband just went outside and stayed in the park. He had food courtiers deliver me notes asking to talk. I went out and got my phone back which he had hid in the bushes. I misplaced my passport and in kind of a panic I ended up letting him back in my hotel the next night.

I am still on this trip right now. We have four countries planned for nearly a month trip. I looked at flights home that were like two thousand us dollars. If I go home I have to explain all of this to everyone and I don't even know how I will do this. He said he was so forceful because he was scared when I yelled for the police. So because he was scared he strangled me??

Anyway its been four days now. He's very clingy but will not stop drinking despite me saying the only way we are continuing the trip is with no alcohol at all. We are in Italy you haaaave to have wine. Next is Ireland with a pub crawl tour which I'm calling to cancel myself today. He has been very apologetic but also sort of blaming me for starting it by pushing him in public. I look like I've been in a car accident. My body hurts too much to touch but he has already tried for sex two nights in a row and got angry and huffy when I refused and told him my body hurts and that I'm still undecided if we would even stay together after the trip. He said he was really scared I'd divorce him and it made me very worried. The last time he got scared I paid for it dearly. My children are with his parents and before I left, I signed a will giving them custody should we die on this trip.

So, I realize how bad all of this sounds now that I've written it out. I've had no time to process this because of the travel and all of the stuff we've kept busy with during the day but at night I'm just sick to my stomach to go back to the hotel and argue over sex and our relationship.

How can I make it through this trip and get home without pissing him off? I normally have a very high libido and don't withold sex for any reason so this is very unusual. When we get home, I have to figure out if marriage counseling will save us or if he's even capible of saying no more alcohol. Is it even possible to recover from this because I felt the situation five years ago was his second chance.

tl;dr: I'm stuck in a foreign country on a lengthy vacation and my husband started off by getting drunk and beating the poo poo out of me. He's hit me one time before, five years ago, in our 14 years together (10 married). What should I do?

Edit: thank you for all the replies and information here and via pm. I can't get alone long enough to reply directly. I will go to the consulate when I arrive in Dublin tomorrow.

quote:

My [45M] son [17M] hid weed underneath his brother [14M] bed. My wife and I found it and we grounded [14M] for almost all summer. We just discovered it's [17M] weed and we have no idea how to make things right.

Hi Reddit, I truly don't know if this is the right place or not. I understand my wife and I may have jumped the gun in the punishing of our son Tony. I just need a neutral side of this so I need to structure it properly.

Backstory

My wife and I have been married for 25 years and we have five children together. (Hannah 11F), (Skye 13F), (Tony 14M), (Luke 17M) and (Zoey 19). My daughter Zoey is in Ohio for college. My wife and I live with our other children and for most part we do a good job. We did make a lapse of judgement.

The Issue

Over them summer my son Tony was at the mall with his friends I believe, if I remember correctly. My wife decided to clean out Tony room and take all of his dirty clothes off the floor. While my wife was doing this she discovered a box of weed underneath his bed. My wife showed me the box of weed and we were having a discussion on what to do.

My wife and I showed Tony the box of weed when he got home. We asked him what it is was and he said he did not know. My wife told him to stop lying because she found it under his bed. He told us both he swears he has no idea what it is or where it came from. Zoey and Luke both piled on him saying how disappointed they are in him.

There was only 7 weeks left of the summer and my wife decided that he was grounded for those 7 weeks. She took away his phone, she took away his TV, she took away everything that would provide him entertainment and left him with a book. She left him with his summer homework and books. He was not allowed to go out or anything like that. He kept telling us it was not his and after a while he just stopped.

My Wife and I continued to keep strict conditions on Tony such as coming home immediately after school

The Issue Now

Last night my wife and I were taking our daughters out to their friends birthday dinner at Red Robbins. Luke and Tony stayed home because it was a dinner party for the girls. We ordered them Pizza and that was that.

It ended sooner than we expected and we were to arrive home. When we arrived home my wife checked on Tony and he was sleeping. I went upstairs to check on Luke and I caught him smoking weed with his girlfriend. I called my wife and we kicked his girlfriend out. He has the giggles and found the situation funny.

In his state he admitted that the weed is his and called us douches for throwing it out.

How do we fix this

So here we are with the issue of how to fix this, we grounded our sun who was innocent and pretty much ruined his summer. Tony left for school before we could talk to him and we don't really know what to say to him or do.

tl;dr: How do we fix grounding the wrong son?

Libelous Slander posted:

Every time I hear a story like this you end up finding out that she is sleeping with someone else.

quote:

Me [25f] with my boyfriend [30m] 2.5 years, wears track pants loving everywhere

My bf is a very social person, and goes out with friends a lot. He is a part of a cricket team and a soccer team, and both have lots of social functions. He will, without fail, wear track pants to these events if he can get away with it.

We will organise to go to the local pub/down the street for dinner and he will ask "Can I wear trackies?" If I say no, he will get lovely.

Now I don't mind him wearing trackies to the supermarket, to run errands, whatever. But he considers putting on jeans to be 'getting dressed up'. I put effort into my appearance, and like to look nice for him. I am disappointed he doesnt want to do the same for me/his friends/whoever.

Tomorrow we have a barbecue at a friend's place to watch a big yearly sporting match. it will be a most-of-the-day event with drinks, watching the game, lunch etc. There's about 10 people going, and it should be a pretty big day. He has said already he will be wearing trackies because "he's just going to watch tv at a friend's place". I told him it was more of an event, not just watching tv, but he told me I was being dumb and I shouldn't care about little things so much.

I have brought this up on occasion in the past, and he knows it bothers me. He is dismissive, and tells me I am being petty and shallow. He says jeans and chinos are uncomfortable, and noone cares what he wears.

It frustrated me no end that he doesn't put any effort into his appearance, ever. When he wears trackies everywhere it makes him look like a slob or like he's lazy and doesn't know how to dress himself. Am I in the wrong?

He does HAVE jeans, and two pairs of nice chinos that he bought himself. He also has a few nice button downs etc that he asked me to take him shopping for. But he barely wears them.

tl;dr: Partner wears trackies/track pants instead of normal pants (jeans, chinos, whatever) if he can get away with it. I hate it. Do I just need to deal with it, or is he being ridiculous?

Modus Pwnens posted:

Nope, that's awesome.

quote:

My (25 f) husband (33 m) thinks I'm a Lesbian. Together for 6 years.

So, I'm a super outgoing person and always have been... My husband is similar and we go out often, know a lot of people etc. I am also what I will describe as relatively attractive and like most women have received attention from both males and females since I was a teen. Not a big deal....

When I met my husband we would go out and if I got chatted up by men, I got into the habit of brushing them off or kindly explaining that I was there with my husband. But because I really like being social and meeting new people. If a girl approached me I would chat with them and sometimes trade compliments. Very normal stuff. My husband noticed this and then started to make comments a few years ago about how many women "hit" on me. That and I have a few straight gfs who in the past after some drinks might try to make out with me or whatever, but I always manage to kindly decline.

Another factor is that im a artist. I get paid to do some graphic work, but as a hobby I like to draw models, usually with very little or no clothing. In my opinion the images arent sexual at all, and I like to draw women because I try to convey an emotion Im feeling through a model. And....Im a woman. So relatively often I will see a girl and mention that I think shes attractive or whatever. Though I never approach a woman to pose, all of my models approach me.

However, my husband has started to behave really inappropriately. This is all after a couple of drinks, but if I start talking to a woman he might come up and say..."hey my wife is a artist, you should let paint you" or something similar. Which is hugely embarrassing for me and very unprofessional. I've told him this and he responds by saying its a joke...or that hes helping me out. He makes jokes anytime I'm looking at any sort of media..."oh, are you checking that girl out" or a bunch of other stupid things.

This has led to conversations about our relationship. I have said to him..I can appreciate a beautiful woman, but I have no desire to sleep with one. He admitted that he has thought about me being with another woman etc. But he said its not something that he NEEDS to happen. So great, that works because I dont like women that way.

However, the last time we went out. We saw a friend who we have know a while and who IS a lesbian....I was talking to someone else but basically overheard my husband tell her that Im into women and that she should kiss me or approach me or whatever. SHOCKINGLY she does! She cam over to me and asked if I would kiss her...in front of the person I was already talking to. I laughed and told her no thanks. Trying to make the situation less awkward. She then goes back to my husband...who says something along the line of..you should ask to come over. Again.....shockingly, she comes over and asks if she can go swimming at the house with us that night. Which I declined saying tat we have house guest. Which we did.

Im trying to be kind but I am pissed at my husband. He comes over at this point and she asks me AGAIN to kiss her. To which I finally responded that I had been trying to be nice, but that this was all very awkward and that I wasn't interested and that her and my husband could go do whatever it is they needed to do. She immediately realized the situation she was in and apologized a lot. Said she had drank too much and left. She sent me a message the next day and apologized again.

I am super mad at my husband because he basically propositioned some woman in front of me and I feel like he embarrassed everyone involved and that he thinks its ok to hit on women "on my behalf" He says he doesnt really remember this happening (he was drunk) and that its not that big of a deal. He said sorry but thats it. I think this is huge deal and Im not willing to brush it off, but I dont know what to do.

tl;dr: My husband thinks Im a lesbian and uses it as an excuse to approach women

quote:

My (25/F) brother's (35/M) ex-wife sent me a text message saying to stay away from him.

They started dating when I was 10. She and I got along great for a long time, but we lost touch three years ago, when they divorced.

They broke up because she cheated on him, which she admitted to.

I'm not particularly close with my brother, but I do go to his house on occasion to see him and his dogs.

To my knowledge he doesn't talk to his ex-wife. They left on bad terms.

Out of nowhere, I got a text from her early last night saying, "Stay the gently caress away from Liam." That's my brother's name. I haven't heard from her in three years. So for her to contact me at all was really weird and out of left field. I figured she sent it to the wrong person, so I asked. "You know this is _______, don't you?" and she replied with, "Of course I know."

I asked what she meant by "stay the gently caress away" and why she would want me to stay away from a family member, but she didn't respond.

I already know I'm going to tell my brother. I'm just wondering what she could possibly have meant by all of that.

TL;DR Brother's ex-wife sent me a text saying to "stay the gently caress away" from him. I haven't heard from her since they divorced three years ago. To my knowledge they don't speak. I could be wrong. In any case her text to me made no sense, and I did ask her if she sent it to the right person, to which she said yes but failed to explain what she meant. I'm going to tell my brother. I just don't know what she was thinking.

quote:

i [25f] am being Single White Female'd by my boyfriend [36m]'s ex FWB [31f]!!

I am not sure if this belongs in r/relationships, but I am trying-- because you all seem to have a pretty intricate understanding of human behavior and you're here for a reason. To be "single white femaled" is a play on the movie Single White Female meaning that someone is totally undermining me in a very serious and aggressive way, and its terrifying. Please help!

So, here goes; I live in a minor city on the west coast. I just moved here from the east coast about a year ago, and I'm just now getting my footing both socially and professionally. I met an amazing fellow who I started dating about seven months ago-- he's wonderful in most every way. About two years ago he started the process of divorcing his ex wife of 5 years and the mother of his child, and as part of that, he was kind of sleeping around a bit, you know, doing the post divorce thing. He started sleeping with a girl i'll call Amber. He was very honest with her, told her he wasn't quite over the divorce yet and that it was just a friends with benefits type of situation, and that there was no expectation of monogamy or that they were dating and she totally agreed. They hung out in this way for around 2 months last year and then, after a bit of a rough patch, he told her he couldn't keep sleeping with her and he broke things off.

Fast forward to this year, and we meet and hit it off big time. Pretty quickly we become a couple, and he starts introducing me to the important people-- his parents, his friends, his broader social circles. Everyone seems incredibly friendly and excited for us, and it's great. I'm excited to meet more people and expand my tiny social circle, and he's excited for everyone to meet me. One night at a poker tournament I notice a girl across the room giving me the stink eye. I casually point it out to him, and he nods and says "that's weird. hm." . Its not long after this that his friends start calling him saying "dude, Amber is pissed. She said you're a total piece of poo poo that led her on, etc etc". This upsets him greatly because he was very honest with her about the nature of the relationship and he thought they were on good terms. Turns out, she thought that when he said "I can't be with you" it meant "I can't be with you --right now--" and she was holding out hope for him for a while (from the mouth of one of the friends that called).

Pretty soon, those calls stop, and friends stop calling either of us to hang out. We show up at places where our friends hang out and they're nice to my boyfriend (they were his friends first), but incredibly chilly to me, and I can't figure out why. Not long after that, she starts showing up wherever he or I go. I notice that she's always dressed to the nines, and that every social interaction is as larger-than-life and boisterous-- something, he says, she was never like when they hung out before ("truthfully, she just liked to wear jeans and smoke weed on the couch" he says.) He notices her hanging out with his friends more, tagging along with them to every event that he used to get invited to. A few weeks later, and she's posting pictures on instagram of her "OMG BFFS FOR LIFE!!" which include folks from three separate social circles that he's involved with-- folks that she never even knew before they started hanging out-- folks that have been his best friends for years. In example-- she'd never set out on a surf board before, even when they were hanging out, and suddenly now she's at the local surf bar with his surf friends talking about killer breaks when he's been surfing most of his adult life and he's known these folks for nearly 13 years.

A friend that I made when I first moved down here stops answering my calls/texts. I text her saying "hey, i miss you, lets get coffee!" and nothing. Not long after that, photos of Amber and friend are all over the internet with "bestie!!" plastered along side the photos. I tell good friend that I want to go check out a new taco place that just opened up the street from my house and she replies "Amber and I tried to go, but it was too crowded. I think we'll try again soon." I can't confirm that she was saying this to be lovely to me, but it seems weird with everything going on. At this point, Amber tries very hard at this point to become good friends with bf's best friend, Matt, who plays it cool then immediately calls boyfriend to say "dude, she's got it out for you. watch out."

About two weeks ago, boyfriend was at a good friend's house playing cards and having a drink when I called. He invited me over and I declined, as I have work to do. When i met up with him later, he says "sorry, i didn't realize that you and Damon didn't get along." to which I reply "I've never even met the guy!!! WTF!". BF immediately asks Damon whats up with that-- as Damon was the one that said that we didn't get along and he says "I guess I just listen to the rumor mill too much-- i heard she was an awful person." I've seriously not lived in this town/socialized enough to be an awful person!

The last straw was when his ex wife was tagged in a photo on facebook-- we are friendly, me and her, as he has a child with her and I totally believe in keeping those connections strong, especially if I'm going to have a future with him in which I help parent the kid-- and in the photo was AMBER WITH HIS EX AND THEIR KID.

Boyfriend calls up ex wife to ask why she was hanging out with Amber and she says "I dunno, she just started hanging out with the friends group and she's totally fun and we hit it off big time!" This sounds up GIGANTIC alarm bells with me, and I'm furious and upset and all sorts of lovely emotions. So now, I'm here.

Guys, I'm really unsettled about this and I have no idea really what to do. I don't want to make a big scene, I don't want to draw attention to this, but something very bad is happening here and I feel absolutely powerless to stop it. I don't want my boyfriend's friends to hate me, and I don't want to destroy potential friendships in a town I just moved to. Most of all, I feel crazy. What if these are just a big bunch of coincidences and I'm overreacting? What If I'm not? What would you do if you were me?! What the hell should I do?!

TL;DR: Boyfriend's Ex FWB is trying to push me out of the social circle/make my life hell and I don't know what to do about it.

quote:

Me [25 M] with my Girlfriend [24F] Longish, Need advice on how to get over her cheating on me with 4 friends over time

So start this back 4 years ago. I was into drugs heavy. I had 3 girlfriends (names changed for privacy) Ashley- highschool gf of 5 years, Courtney- drug gf (just drugs and sex) and Casey-New gf no drugs just drinking

All the girls find out about each other and it's over for all of them. The only one who wants to stay and fix me is Casey( the new gf)

So I go to rehab and get clean. We still drink but I'm not doing drugs. I don't cheat on her, do anything bad. We still party and such. We work for a goal to get our own place with cats. I get a good job, we get a house. I've heard rumors about her loving this kid named Jake and this other kid Tyler. I ask her about it she denies it. Long story short, I go on her computer to backup my new iPhone and her old messages pop up, she did gently caress them (not at the same time and this was back when I was doing drugs and cheating) she admits it since there's concrete evidence. Using what I did in the past as a excuse for what she did.

Fast forward to last month. I texted a girl I just met asking her to hangout. Casey finds it and we fight for a whole week straight

Friday comes around and she says she's going out with her girl friend to the bar that's a 2 min walk from our house. I get a feeling in my stomach telling me something bad is going to happen. She says she's going to be home by midnight due to her friend having to leave. So I go to my buddy's house and hangout until 12 then head home. I get there, she's not home.

I call her and call her, no answer. It's now 1:50 bars around here close at 2am so I go to the bar and look for her, she's not there, nor is her friend. It's now 2:30 and I finally get ahold of her. She's fkn hammered. Says she's with this kid Ryan. I know Ryan, he used to bang my ex. Instantly I knew what was going down. She says Ryan is driving her home . She can't even talk she's so drunk. a 5 min walk turns into a hour car ride? im not a idiot.

Keep in mind I live a 5 min walk from the bar. A hour goes by, still not home. My buddy calls me and says she's at a nitrous party with Ryan. He picks me up and I go there. She's laying with her back to him on the couch. Basically cuddling. I tell her to get up and leave with me. She refuses cuz she's so drunk. Tells people when I leave the room that I'm her "phsycho ex boyfriend" I'm not, im her current boyfriend, we have a fkn house together.

All I was doing was trying to make sure she was not taken advantage of for the second time of the night. She finally comes home with me, since we caused so much drama at the illegal nitrous party, they kicked her out too. She says she doesn't remember what happened with Ryan but says "I know something happened but I don't know what"

Through word of mouth I find out they had sex. I try to talk to him, since he was a old "friend" I have his number, snapchat and everything. He reads but ignores everything I say to him.

Im mad she had sex with 4 of my old "friends" in the past but the thing that kills me the most is how she acted at the party. She feels terrible, feels disgusting. I was not perfect, but I changed. She says she has a alcohol problem and is stopping drinking for good. People are talking about her, calling her a "easy slut" and poo poo like that. It makes me look so stupid. She's so beautiful and so nice, it kills me she made this image for herself, because she did this publicly. Everything I did was behind closed doors. Does that make me better? No not at all, but others don't talk about me like that.

When I went to that party it was her (the only girl) and 7 dudes. I honestly think she could of got a train ran on her. It's hosed up any boyfriend should even consider this a possibility. She feels terrible about the bar night. we cry together every day. I know shes sorry and if she could take it back she would. its not about her loving that ryan kid, honestly about how she acted at the party. refusing to leave with the only person who was not about to take advantage of her (again)

Tl;dr hosed up past, lead to gf getting drunk and having sex with 4 of my old "friends" don't know if it was ever justified on her part. Don't know how to move past it or accept it.

quote:

I [25F] found out my fiance [31M] married his close friend [35M] who he stays over with when he works elsewhere in the country; I'm a mum to [4/M], where do I go next?

First time here. Don't really understand this site's etiquete but I'll try.

I have been with my boyfriend, now fiance, Jack,since I was 20 and he was 26, we were students when we met. We got engaged a year ago; Jack did a surprise proposal at the luxury car dealer I work at, it got into the local papers here in our bit of the UK. Jack works away a bit; he works in sales/promotions as a travelling salesman/sales rep and has to travel for his job, which he's done since he was 21. Jack's work involves sales of technical equipment for nighclubs and bars, sound equipment etc.

He sometimes has to stay over at his friend Stuart's house in another town down in the South of England (we live in Northeast England) and has a long drive. I've never actually met Stuart but know what he looks like from photos and other things.

Stuart is technically a co-worker, as he works for one of the firms my fiance's employer has as a client, he's a promoter for a small record company with hip-hop artists and up-and-coming local bands, not big name artists, just local ones in their region.

Anyway, he came home from work yesterday afternoon (he'd been down South again visiting clients) and told me he'd got a big announcement to make; he admitted to me, well, confessed more like, that he'd married Stuart, got some strangers as witnesses, and that he only did it as a "marriage of convenience", and he and Stuart pretended to be a gay couple who'd been engaged for a few years.

Stuart is not gay, he has a girlfriend (who doesn't live with him yet, even though Jack told me they've been together 3 years), Jack's shown me photos of him socialising with Stuart and his girlfriend and their friends at a local pub.

I asked my husband flat out if he was gay, he said no, it was just somethign he had to do, to semi-officialise him lviing in Stuart's house evry so often.

I am a mum to a 4-year-old boy and this is causing me intense heartache and pain, and I don't really know how to cope.

It's one thing that he married his friend, but he's also the father of my son, so Jack'll be in my life at least until our son is 18.

Guess I needed to vent. Need advice. Am I with a married man, now, technically?

tl;dr: Fiance married his friend and claimed it was marriage of convenience.

sucked my twin off posted:

My [23f] new bf [27m] of 3 months is either a disney character, crazy, or a liar.

quote:

My [22F] brother [30M] keeps prolonging his vacation in NY. He left his children [6F&4M] with me. It's been 2 and a half months , he was suppose to be gone 2 weeks

My brother left his children with me for a 'business trip' to NY. He's so full of poo poo it's not a business trip it's a vacation for him. He asked me to look after Travis and Brie and I accepted because I adore these two. The problem is they were originally staying with me for 2 weeks, it's been 2 and a half months

He keeps prolonging this vacation of his and he keeps telling me he will be back next week. It's been two months and honestly the kids are asking me where he is. I have wanted to tell someone for a long time but my mother and brothers told me just to look after the kids. I love them but they need their dad and I am wondering if I should contact their mother.

Their mother lives in Canada and she visits the kids every now and then. She does not contact this side of the family unless she is coming to visit. What is there to do, because they really want one of their parents? I have told my brother to come home and he told me no, I have the entire conversation on Facebook about how he is working/enjoying himself

tl;dr: Brother has left my niece and nephew with me while he went on a business trip/vacation to NY. (New York) they were suppose to be staying with me for only 2 weeks and it's turned into 2 and a half months

mind the walrus posted:

I found extreme material from /r/sex:

And the top reply?

JESUS loving CHRIST

mind the walrus posted:

Front page of /r/sex. Or are you the only one allowed to post poo poo?

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I guess if you're a parent it's one thing but for it to be acceptable around moms boyfriend? What the gently caress.

zakharov posted:

A two-parter that is a pro-read zone.

My (57F) daughter (30F) is getting married for the third time. I do not want to pay for her wedding! Feel like a bad parent


update


fake? probably. still amazing.

quote:

Me [27 M] with my fiancé [33 F] of 2 years, She is a Mean Drunk. Questioning relationship.

My fiancé of 2 years behaviour while drunk is starting to trouble me. Every so often she will drink to excess where she will be stumbling, falling, knocking things over, being sick in our bed.

If we are out or with friends or family when she starts getting like this she will start to try and embarrass me subtly or passively. For example telling everyone how shy I am and how I'm uncomfortable around people, talking about my skin problems (I get mild acne which she knows affects my confidence).

When we leave or get home she will start insulting me and try to pick arguments about anything she can think of (usually small silly things), deliberately trying to hurt my feelings and being spiteful. She will often not remember the things she has said and it always takes me to tell her how upsetting and tiring it is before she will apologise, usually through gritted teeth as if she doesn't think she should have to.

In the first year of our relationship I would argue back but I realised it’s no use arguing with a drunk. In the last year I’ve just stopped engaging while she’s like this and keep quiet so as not to fuel the fire (sometimes I think this makes it worse). I think she might have got this from her parents who are lovely but very volatile and will drink heavily every weekend and have blazing arguments where they say horrible things to each other.

This doesn't happen every time she drinks, we can enjoy wine together with dinner without issue or a couple of drinks with friends, it tends to occur every few weeks to couple of months. I think this is the reason that I told myself that it isn't a problem up until now, because it’s irregular and I’ve thought ‘it doesn’t happen that often, just deal with it’. I’m now thinking that I shouldn’t have to put up with this any more but I’m not sure if this is just normal behaviour - she suffers from anxiety/depression and is on anti-depressant and says she needs a blow out every now and again.

We met some of her family last night and she had one of these episodes with most of the things I’ve described above. I also hurt myself while trying to get her from bed to the bathroom while she was vomiting. I told her this morning how upsetting it is, that something has got to change, and if she thinks there’s a reason she’s drinking to get like this she needs to seek help (counsellor?)

She told me she can’t cope with the control anymore & keeping on top of everything with her job/house work (which we split equally). She sees her gran and aunt once a year so got out of control. She said if we can afford it, she’ll look into counselling but she’s been down that road before (for anxiety/depression) and it’s exhausting.

She said “I’m tired of walking on egg shells to ensure my mood is high all of the time” but I don't think I put this expectation on her and I encourage her to talk to me about her moods so I feel like she's only saying this to deflect me away or make me feel guilty for confronting her.

I don't think she's addicted to alcohol, but I suspect she has a problem. I don’t want to be around her when she’s drunk in case she gets like this. She acts horrible and the things she says, although taken with a pinch of salt, are hurtful and affect my confidence.

It’s getting to the point where I’m looking at her in a different way while she’s sober and can’t separate the Jekyll from the Hyde. I’m feeling stupid for ignoring red flags earlier in the relationship and I’m feeling sad that I don’t want to be around her while she’s drinking in case the night turns out like this. We used to have so much fun together with a few drinks but perhaps I was just blind to the issue.

tl;dr: Fiancé drinks too much and becomes abusive, affecting relationship. How do I deal with this?

quote:

Me [37 M] with my GF [32 F] of 7 months, spent Monday night/Tuesday morning in the ER

On Monday night/Tuesday morning I spent the ER with my GF. It's turning out to be a reason for me to question the entire relationship.

It was a usual Monday, despite her having an upcoming event Tuesday through Saturday for a huge festival which she volunteers at. I'm not going to say it's name, but there's a "beer festival" involved, and it takes place in "America" and they call the festival "Great". She told me on this evening she would be cleaning the Yoga studio she patronizes (as a way to lower her monthly membership cost) and then be home around 8-830. She also said she'd be doing Yoga, which she rarely does.

I went to my GF's house after a hockey game. It was 11p and my GF was already in bed. I kissed her, then went to taste the banana bread muffins she baked while I was away, take a shower, and get ready for bed. She mumbled "love you" in a slurred speech way, even though she had texted me not more than 10 minutes prior alerting me to the existence of the muffins.

I thought nothing of the slurred speech, and proceeded to do the things I mentioned above. I also decided not to lay in bed if she was asleep, since she has a busy week ahead of her, and I needed to write/apply for scholarships since I've returned to school for another degree....

She was asleep. It's a huge bed and she usually snuggles while I drift off. She was so close to the edge, and so quiet and immobile; her body language suggested an attempt to be left alone. She did not notice as I exited the bed after laying down for about 5 minutes.

After writing for about an hour, I heard her begin to have an episode of her night terrors. It's not uncommon for her. I made my way to her bed, and attempted to comfort her. I cuddle with her, say soothing things to her, and generally attempt to gently wake her. I was torn between waking her up out right, and just letting her ride it out.

She does not respond to my attempts to rouse her. She does not become any more coherent. I ask her basic questions: What day of the week is it? What's her name? What's my name? She can't answer the simplest of questions. Additionally, she begins to have a wandering right hand. It finds it's way to her vagina, and she begins to masturbate, slowly and without conviction or coordination.

I take more drastic action to attempt to fully bring her to a stage of lucidity. Turn on the lights. Shake her by the shoulders. Slap her face, as my panic level increases. Nothing has any effect. Her whining increases.

And then, she wets the bed. And denies it.

I become more and more concerned, and make a unilateral decision to take her to the hospital. She is uncooperative, but unable to put up a lucid fight. I have no idea what is happening, and begin to entertain all kinds of possible scenarios: Drunk, drugs, sleeping pill overdose, or any combination. The ER will at least have trained professionals who can either confirm or deny my concerns.

Finally at the hospital, Triage nurse asks GF if she wants to be admitted, GF denies anything being wrong, but sits idly in wheel chair and slurs her objection. Loss of motor control, loss of control over bodily functions, slurred speech, incoherence.

I hesitate to admit her, but I end up checking her in. 1st ER nurse asks her her name, which she get's....but with a serious slur and high-pitched voice. *ER nurse: "what year is it?" *GF response: ".........18.....84......" *ER nurse: "Are you sure?" *GF response: silence *ER nurse: "Want to try again? What year is it?" *GF: "......19.......84....." *Nurse: "What day is it?" *GF: ".....Thursday" (it's Tuesday) *Nurse: "How many quarters in a dollar?" *GF: "....20......4.....24"

I run down all this for the ER doctor. After about 2 hours, I very pointedly demand lab results for bloodwork and urine analysis. Turns out the ER only allows a BAC at the legal limit of .08 (it's described to me as 80) but my GF BAC is above 300. For her body weight, that's more than 12 drinks in 5-6 hours.

So, between the end of her work day, supposedly (since I actually have no idea how long her actual work day was) and making banana bread muffins at 10p at night, she has had the equivalent of about 12 drinks. She has vehemently denied any wrong doing, any substances, any thing up to this point.

I did my best to keep the mood in the ER light with the GF. We spent a tremendous amount of time alone in there, while the ER staff seemingly knew she had just had a lot to drink, and was just letting her sober up.

I don't mind her having a few drinks, but she denied any drinking at all. While emotional, she demanded I'd "never touch her again" and that she "hosed me over". I continue to claim that there is nothing wrong with having a few drinks.

She can't even answer me completely when I ask two simple questions: 1. What is so wrong with having a few drinks? and 2. How did she gently caress me over?

After speaking with her after a period of silence and no contact, she claims she had a few drinks with her friend from Yoga, and then had about 2 drinks while baking. I can't imagine it's more than 4 drinks they have at the bar. Add the drive time home, and the 2 she said she had while baking, and that makes it 6. Which is barely half of the required 12 to get her BAC as high as the hospital tested.

I guess I'm just using this too vent, and to hear external opinions. Relationships are messy, and this one is no exception.....but what the hell is going on? I can't help but believe there's more to the story, and her guilt is rooted in something she did while drinking. But that's just me projecting.

I'm curious to hear your interpretations/opinions.

Edit 1: Strange; She's now hidden her FaceBook friends list from me.... Not something I'd expect from someone looking to save and protect a relationship.

Edit 2: She's now provided her "friends" contact info. I'm going to reach out. Don't want too much time to pass....

tl;dr: GF claims all she did was drink to excess, but only after the ER proved her BAC was above 300 (.300) and she finally gave up the lie that she "didn't drink anything".

quote:

I (24F) just found out that my boyfriend (21M) makes has a gross social media presence

I've been with my boyfriend (21M) a couple months and he has been the most loving, supportive, kind, and patient partner I have ever had. He seems like he truly cares about me and my thoughts. We have a ton of fun together and everything was going well until my friends brought some social media activity to my attention a few days ago.

I don't have a Twitter and, frankly, never thought to even check his Twitter. However, I do have a couple friends who are big into Twitter and also very protective of me. They sent me screencaps of him being very racist, slightly homophobic and all around hateful in 2013. The Tweets then have gotten better in terms of blatant bigotry, but there's still a lot of aggression and mean spirited-ness to them. Although I don't know this for sure, the sudden appearance of horrid tweets in 2013 leads me to believe he's simply deleted the horrid ones from the last three years when he started applying for his government job.

When I brought it up, he said his online persona isn't a real reflection of who he is. That the real him is who he is around me. That his Tweets are just off-the-cuff remarks and half of them are jokes his friends would understand. This isn't sitting well with me and I've had anxiety for three days straight.

I'm having a hard time deciding if this is a deal-breaker considering how good to me he is. But I'd hate this to be a forewarning of things to come or how he would be if his affection for me waned. Anyone have input on how to handle or discuss? What would you do if you suddenly found out your loving boyfriend is an rear end in a top hat on social media?

tl;dr: Loving boyfriend has some severely bigoted Tweets in the past and some not-great ones now. What do?

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Boyfriend [25/m] dislikes when i [20/f] dont have my fringe down and is very vocal about it


a meaty lower face

quote:

My friend [21F] hangs out with my boyfriend [20M] one-on-one all the time, but wouldn't even let me [20F] go to a concert with her boyfriend [22M].

I have a problem with one of my best friends and I'm not sure how to go about resolving it, or if it's worth bringing up at all. Obligatory apologies for terrible formatting bc I'm on mobile. And sorry it's kind of long, I tend to get a little long-winded.

Here's a little name key in case anything gets confusing:

Adam: [22M], one of my best friends for 6 years

John: [20M], my boyfriend of just over 1 year, best friends with Adam and good friends with Lacey

Lacey [21F], one of my good friends, dating Adam for just over 1 year, good friends with Adam and John for about 4? years, friends with me for ~1 year

Adam and I met freshman year in high school and have been really great friends ever since. About 2 years ago, Adam introduced me to his other friend group who didn't go to school with us. In this friend group were John and Lacey. The three of them were very close and spent most of their weekends together.

Last year, John and I got really close, and Lacey and I got close as well. John and I started dating only a week after Lacey and Adam began dating. Lacey and I are pretty good friends now! We go get manicures together, spend time at her apartment with her dog, watch old rom-coms, text a lot - basic girl friend stuff.

Now to the problem today: Lacey seems to somewhat jealous of or upset by my relationships with Adam and John... I'm not really sure what it is. Maybe it's all just a misunderstanding. Anyway, the problem started when Adam had 2 tickets to see one of our favorite bands. He and Lacey were going to go together. However, Lacey didn't want to go, said she didn't like the band, etc. So Adam was left to find someone else to go with (wouldn't most girlfriends go see a band their bf was totally crazy about even if they didn't like the band that much?? But I guess that's beside the point). Adam picked my ex boyfriend, who is one of his friends and also loves the band. I had no problem with that and, frankly, I didn't even know Adam was looking for someone to go with. Adam told me a few days later that he originally was going to ask me, but when he mentioned it to Lacey, she was "upset about it" so he asked my ex instead.

At the time I was disappointed, but didn't think too much of it as we had been drinking that night and the implications didn't fully hit me. But now the more I think about it, the more it upsets me. Lacey tells me that I'm her best friend, but she feels uncomfortable with me going to a concert with her boyfriend..? It's hurtful. It makes me wonder, does she think I'm going to try to steal Adam from her?

Lacey also makes little comments about me and Adam's relationship (Adam's and my relationship? gently caress grammar). Adam and I went on ONE date after our senior year in high school, and after that, we both realized it wasn't what we wanted and we weren't really attracted to each other in that way. I was still attached to aforementioned ex boyfriend, and Adam was pining after Lacey (who was dating someone else at the time). Lacey always brings this up. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about our relationship that crosses any boundaries. Adam is like a brother. He refers to me as "one of the guys" and definitely treats me like one, too. I might have understood if Lacey is a little wary in any other situation, but she and I are best friends! And I'm dating one of her best friends! I don't get it!!! She also has a history of being jealous of all Adam's female friends, if that helps.

Recently Lacey has been making some comments about John that make me feel a little uncomfortable in light of the concert situation. She's always saying things like "I've always thought John was such a handsome guy" but quickly mentions "but I've never had any romantic feelings towards him, of course. He's like a brother." The first few times, I took it like I heard it and assumed she was just complimenting my choice in (quite handsome) boyfriend. The other day, though, she texted me and said "If you talk to him, tell John that his favorite (platonic) girl hasn't heard from him in three weeks." I have absolutely no issues with them hanging out, even one-on-one, but the "favorite platonic girl" comment kind of threw me for a loop. Added to the concert debacle, it makes me feel like she's trying to push me out or something - to show that she's better friends with Adam and John than I am. I'm not worried anything is going on between John and Lacey or anything like that at ALL, it just makes me feel a little weird. It makes me sad that one of my best friends seems to not trust me around her boyfriend. And this apparent double standard frustrates me to no end - she can hang out with my boyfriend one-on-one no problem, but I can't even go to a concert with hers?

Other possible helpful details: Adam and Lacey briefly broke up about a month ago because she apparently wanted to be married within the next year and wanted 6 kids by the age of 30 (?!?!!), but Adam wasn't as committed, didn't know if she was the one, didn't know if he wanted kids, etc. Adam and I have only hung out one-on-one maybe twice since he and Lacey started dating. Lacey has jealousy issues with a lot of Adam's friends.

Reddit, I don't know what, if anything, I should do. Should I mention my feelings to John? He knows her a lot better than I do and could possibly have some insight. Should I say anything next time Lacey brings something up? Or should I just leave it all alone and ignore it like I'm inclined to do, as the eternal pacifist? Im afraid to make something out of nothing and don't know if thinking about this is even worth the time I'm spending on it. I love Lacey so, so much, and I don't know if this is normal behavior or if it's a tiny red flag. Thanks in advance!

TL;DR: My best friend seems uncomfortable with my friendship with her boyfriend but also makes strange comments about her relationship with my boyfriend. Am I making something out of nothing?

Pick posted:

Beware the woman with few or no female friends. That's a legit tip.

quote:

My [25f] boyfriend of 6 months [24m] has very extreme jealousy issues

So it started with him hating that my best friend was my ex boyfriend. I did understand this because when we were both single we would have a friends with benefits type deal. So I understood and told my best friend that I wanted to try with this guy and told him that we no longer could speak.

Now he tells me I have too many guy friends and that they all want me in some way or another. I do have a lot of guy friends so I started talking to them less frequently.

Now when we go to the store he tells me that i was being overly friendly with the guy cashier and that I was flirting when I wasn't. He will ask if I thought he was attractive I tell him no. I only love him. And then he drops it. I told him I didnt like this so he is trying to be better.

He and I were watching America's Got Talent and he told me that I was watching too intently and that I must of been into the one of the contestants in the show. I told him that he was being ridiculous. He told me that it was my job to make him feel secure even when he was being stupid.

I'm not really sure how to handle this anymore. Please give me some insight

TL;DR My boyfriend is jealous of everything that has a pulse.

Tolkien minority posted:

legal advice, not relationships but

whole lotta crazy


her responses are also, you guessed it, crazy af
https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5603nt/unfaithful_ex_boyfriend_attempting_to_file_a/

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: I am a chosen person and thus allowed to laugh at this. It sounds totally serious and the poster even acknowledged it sounded like a joke.

I [27F] want to get Jewish genetic testing with my husband [29M] before we get pregnant. All he seems to care about is how much it costs.