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Forgetting the anniversary was bad, but so is going crazy over him being busy with life and forgetting a date completely by accident. I donno, I never put much stock into things like that, but they obviously differ on what's fundamentally important to them, and while he should probably try to remember anniversaries when they're obviously a big deal to her, being lovely about someone that's really busy forgetting something and apologizing for it sort of is blowing it out of proportion, so I see where the dude is coming from. The best move is to just do something he would've done on the anniversary next weekend or when he gets a chance to try to make up for it/have a belated thing.
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Aug 21, 2017 15:00
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I think that's relative to the individual person and the relationship. Some people just don't put much stock into that sort of thing. It obviously isn't as important to him as it is to her, and I think it's fair on both sides; it seems to me like his apology might've under-performed, if he was just like "Oh, huh. Yeah, sorry, whatever" but if he gave a sincere apology about how he messed up due to being swamped, holding it over his head that he forgot an anniversary seems like a bad move. Like I said, my opinion is that the best way is to just try and do something next time they get a chance.
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Aug 21, 2017 15:09
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How is he supposed to master martial arts without abandoning his emotions and sealing away his tears? He's on the right path, as far as I'm concerned. Really, refusing to ever be seen crying is lovely and sad, but it's ultimately his choice and she's legitimately in the wrong to be trying to push that picture of him when he's uncomfortable with it, sad as it may be.
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Aug 22, 2017 03:02
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Honestly, that story as told seemed suspicious as Hell and it's from her perspective, husband is 100% in the right to be wary. Not to do the "They're probably lying" thing, since we only have these people's stories to go off of, but I(And a bunch of other people, apparently)got the feeling that she was being dishonest in the story and that's a totally context free situation where she has complete control of the information she's giving us. If she's telling the truth it's lovely because he's probably never going to be able to trust her again, but that's life, I guess.
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Aug 22, 2017 21:13
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To be fair, I'm sure tempers were running high at that point, and while it's not entirely reasonable for him to demand that she never see that guy again if she really wants to prove she didn't do anything with him, it's entirely understandable. Even if you trust someone a lot, something like that can really rattle you, and the "It was just a prank" explanation is crazily weak justification. Demanding she not be around him seems more like a poorly thought out way to prove that nothing is actually going on.
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Aug 22, 2017 21:43
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I personally think it's pretty reasonable, but without just firing the dude or transferring him somewhere, which may be difficult depending on what he actually does and how important he is, it's pretty difficult to just never see a person you work with. I can understand how that's a pretty hard demand to fulfill, even though it's a hundred percent understandable to demand it.
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Aug 22, 2017 21:53
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It's his business if he feels like drinking a lot. If she's willing to break up over that and he's not willing to stop drinking, yeah, they should break up. Guy hardly sounds like an alcoholic/someone with something symptomatic of alcoholism, though, even if he's going on a dumb bender right now.
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Aug 23, 2017 19:23
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WampaLord posted:That's the loving definition of alcoholic right there From the story, it doesn't really seem compulsive to me. There's a 'reason'(lovely as that reason may be)for it, at the very least, he didn't just decide to get drunk every night of his life because he has no ability to stop himself.
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Aug 23, 2017 19:27
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I for one am happy that these two spergs found love for one another through shared spreadsheet use.
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Aug 23, 2017 20:37
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Salty Josh posted:There is a problem nowadays with faithfulness in relationships. A large part I attribute to people moving too fast and searching for instant gratification. As far as love is concerned, I think it's better to be patient than to throw years of your life away at someone who doesn't intend on spending quality time with you. I think the nature of true love in movies and all that has instilled in people that a single relatively minor problem with a person is enough to make them irredeemable because they're not "The one" or your "Soulmate". It also fucks up things in the other direction because dumb people are willing to ignore massive, glaring problems because "What if they're my soulmate? I'd be giving that up!" Along with the internet making it way easier for infidelity to happen, you end up with a bunch of people who get disillusioned and unhappy, but too afraid of being alone/shaking up their life in any way to actually leave, so they cheat. That said, I don't know that it's necessarily any more a problem now than it was back when some beehive hairdo chick back in the fifties was getting railed by the milk man; it's just that you can replace the milk man with literally the entire internet, so cheating gets way easier. Maybe it was more stigma against divorce back then than "TRUE LOVE" poo poo, but the point remains.
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Aug 27, 2017 17:30
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COMRADES posted:I'm pretty sure that feeling like the grass is always greener and people cheating has been a part of the human experience since the beginning. Literally the second paragraph of my post was "I donno if it's any more of an issue now in terms of doing it than it was in the past" but the basic point was that the internet makes it a lot easier to find people to cheat with, which I still think is pretty true. Yeah, you don't have a digital footprint, but you also drastically expand the base of who you can meet with and can spend time communicating with people while remaining at home.
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Aug 27, 2017 18:01
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If someone brings up opening the relationship and you're fundamentally uncomfortable with that, it's obvious they're not happy with just having you as a partner; if they were, they wouldn't have asked. It's entirely reasonable to break up with a person if they reveal something like that.
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Aug 28, 2017 21:07
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maskenfreiheit posted:so how far does this logic go? does asking for a blowjob mean I can be dumped on the spot? anal? benwaballs? This isn't a hard rules system, and there's no laws relative to it. Your partner one hundred percent can do whatever the gently caress they want; that might make them a lovely person, depending on the thing. If something they do is unacceptable to you, you're not obligated to stay with them. Bluntly, if you do something that makes your partner uncomfortable, they can dump you if they want to, and it doesn't make them a terrible person to do so. You don't even need a reason to break up; it doesn't matter if that person is amazing and great and has done nothing wrong, if you don't want to be in a relationship with that person anymore, you're not a lovely person for breaking up with them. If you want your dick sucked and your partner doesn't wanna do that to the point they're willing to break up with you, you got broken up with. It's not abusive to break up with someone for doing something that makes you uncomfortable, and it's moronic to assert that you should be forced to stay with someone even though they have revealed that their preferences are utterly incompatible with yours, and staying in a relationship that you don't want because of raw inertia makes you more of a terrible person than refusing to break it off with someone who did something to make you uncomfortable just because they haven't broken an arbitrary rule by kicking your dog in the face.
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Aug 28, 2017 21:34
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"Whoa whoa whoa, all I did was broach the subject of me being fundamentally unhappy with our current relationship! If you break up with me, you're a monster." And no, painting your position as reasonable while the other person is a screeching harpy doesn't make your position any more sensible. "I wanna gently caress other people. No? Alright, that's cool then." being responded to with "The fact that you asked makes me think there are fundamentally deeper problems in our relationship sexually, or you're just not comfortable with a monogamous relationship right now, and I'm breaking up with you because those things make me wary about our future together." is completely reasonable. Blade Runner fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Aug 28, 2017 |
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Aug 28, 2017 22:31
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I was cursed by a witch to argue with people about inconsequential things on the internet
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Aug 28, 2017 22:40
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Funniest part is that it's not even thoughtcrimes, really. Most people are going to think about some other people in a sexual manner even after marriage, and while that can make some uncomfortable, nobody is really faulting you for thinking Brad Pitt or even that person at work is pretty fuckable. You just keep that poo poo down inside and acknowledge that you wouldn't act on those thoughts even given the chance, because you understand it would be morally wrong and betray the trust of someone you care about. Verbalizing that you really want to gently caress that chick at work, even if you still don't intend to do so, can be pretty messed up because it's liable to make the person you care about unduly uncomfortable. Asking for permission to do it is a whole other thing beyond, and it's dumb to think that everyone is going to be cool with you asking even if your response to being told no is "Oh, okay, yeah, I won't do that then." e: Beaten because I'm an idiot who uses too many words
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Aug 28, 2017 22:57
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It's also perfectly valid to dump someone for discussing opening a relationship up, because if your sexual needs include loving other people many will think that the monogamous relationship you have up until now been in is untenable. Thought and action are absolutely not equally punishable, but nobody was insinuating that asking about loving someone else is somehow the same as actually doing it. It's just that both are perfectly valid reasons to dump somebody, and no amount of whining that it's unfair for someone to dump you for a reason you've arbitrarily declared insufficient will change that.
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Aug 28, 2017 23:19
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Acting like asking your partner to wear a nurse's uniform and asking if you can gently caress other people are the same thing is a little silly, and if you can't understand the difference in emotional impact between "I want to gently caress you, only in a nurse uniform" and "I wanna gently caress other people" then there's not a lot of discussion to be had there, so we'll take the equivalency at face value for argument's sake. If the concept of wearing a nurse's uniform makes a person fundamentally uncomfortable(Let's say they had a bad experience, whatever.)in the same way that a partner asking to gently caress other people makes many uncomfortable, then it's absolutely not stupid to break up with that person. If you'd lose respect a person for not being cool with you making a request that makes them fundamentally uncomfortable, I don't know what to tell you. Also, you keep going on about "thoughtcrime" when it's been explained to you again and again that this what you're describing isn't that at all. Also "You must meet all of my standards for appearance and if a single hair is out of place we're loving done" and then wearing shorts to a funeral is top tier
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Aug 28, 2017 23:33
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I can't break frame, you fools I must show off how secure and confident I am in myself by worrying about what others think of me at all times, constantly terrified that others will believe I am worthless if I make a single misstep e: Also yes my mother does do my laundry why do you ask
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Aug 28, 2017 23:51
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The genders being reversed or not doesn't matter, he's not entitled to her help when he was lovely to her. Like, he hosed her over to the point where she has less reason to help him than a complete stranger, so expecting a thing from her is a bit stupid. For the co-worker wife thing, it's very obvious that she settled with him and isn't happy in the relationship. She outright admitted to trying to leave him for another guy she liked better early on in the
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Aug 29, 2017 02:07
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maskenfreiheit posted:for context, they hooked up once, she mentioned it was her first time (in the reddit post - not to the guy) and it was awkward, and afterwards he only communicated with her on work relevant projects. Sure, but they're not. He's not entitled to her help in any way, and she's not obligated to give it. She's not actively hindering him because he won't gently caress her, and expecting her to actively go out of her way to give non-vital help to anyone she doesn't feel like helping is silly. For fantasy football guy, I can see where he's coming from in concept. He might just want time away from his SO, and that doesn't necessarily make him a jerk. However,(If we take her word for it, which we sort of have to, here)he's being crazily condescending about it and refusing to listen to her talk about how she's legitimately interested and wants to participate, which is a dick move. If he explained that he really just wants some personal time with his friends to chill out, I could sort of be on his side; but laughing in your girlfriend's face when they're trying to be sincere is a turbo-douche move. Blade Runner fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Aug 29, 2017 |
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Aug 29, 2017 02:16
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PetraCore posted:If you're a big enough dick that 25 women have broken up with you in a single year it's not the fault of the women. No, you don't understand, they were intimidated by my good looks and gigantic penis
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Aug 29, 2017 02:57
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The problem is that all the women who I want to go out with assume they deserve a good partner instead of a dumb idiot such as myself
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Aug 29, 2017 19:13
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Geeze. I get him leaving her because he's just comfortable and not actually happy, but it's straight up awful to live with a person after something like that, and bitching out in the breakup halfway through is never going to end well. Just make it a clean break and get out of her life or stay with her and be unhappy(Not an option now, one of them should just loving leave)don't stick around because you're too much of a wussy to make a decision.
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Aug 29, 2017 19:52
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He's using her to get a Visa, obvs Really, a general lack of self confidence is a thing that can happen pretty easily, and it's always depressing and difficult to deal with in a partner. The "I'm not good enough for you" and "You're just way too good looking for me" thing is a serious relationship killer, and I honestly don't think it has much to do with actual looks as degrees of self confidence. I've had women do it with me despite them being crazily attractive, and I think it's all just tied into this dumb obsession with 'leagues' and levels of attractiveness. If someone makes you happy, you enjoy being with them, and they reciprocate that, treating your relationship like you're on the receiving end of charity because Adonis has deigned to come gently caress you instead of a partnership with someone you like is a way to destroy it real quick.
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Aug 29, 2017 23:19
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Pick posted:Yeah it's annoying and tedious when someone keeps pulling the "waaah you're too good for me" thing. It's like ok. Fine. You're right. Get lost For a personal life blogpost on it, I once had a girl I'd been dating for a couple weeks say she was fine with me going out with other people and loving other girls while with her, because she expected me to just drop her when I found someone better. This was after I brought up the "Hey, let's actually be exclusive" thing, and she made it clear she was fine with not seeing anyone else because she figured she wasn't gonna get any offers anyway. Same girl called herself worthless a lot, and while she was great in a lot of ways, the utter lack of self confidence made that relationship hard. It was loving depressing.
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Aug 29, 2017 23:29
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Haifisch posted:How do those words come out of someone's mouth without realizing the other person is only going to hear "I'm dumping your rear end the instant someone I like more is willing to bone me"? Who knows? For what it's worth, I didn't hear that from it. All I heard was "I have some extremely severe self-worth issues" which is still pretty bad. Also yes, a lot of people have this thing where they desperately need affirmation and constantly put themselves down in order to hear people tell them that they're not worthless at all. It's exhausting to have someone you care about constantly say they're a worthless idiot.
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Aug 29, 2017 23:42
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I don't get it. So are they pouring the cum into your anus with some sort of machine? Is it like an icing squeezer, or more of a rudimentary water pump?
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Aug 30, 2017 00:46
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maskenfreiheit posted:CA. I [23m] am being sexually harassed by my boss [24f]. What are my options (self.legaladvice) Call the police, Jesus Christ
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Aug 30, 2017 02:19
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She shouldn't do anything. She really can't do anything unless she can get a time machine and try to unfuck that guy's life so he doesn't turn out awful. Certainly don't loving talk to the guy.
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Aug 30, 2017 02:32
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maskenfreiheit posted:from the comments: That's not my area of expertise relative to law, but my general thought would be that it would not be helpful to bring up mental health issues in something of this nature. Or ever, really. Regardless, trying to soften the blow of prison because you feel bad for a rapist is pretty not good, I think. Like, feel bad for what he went through, sure; it's entirely understandable to feel bad for someone who had an awful thing happen to them. However, what he did was awful, and he should serve his sentence for his actions.
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Aug 30, 2017 02:41
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Haifisch posted:My(35F) SO(36M) of 5 years was caught sending pics of his penis to another man, but claims it was to help out a friend. 
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Aug 30, 2017 05:01
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The most interesting part about this is that he literally acknowledges this is an action he is taking because he lacks self-esteem, but then seems unable to comprehend why it's a retarded thing to do.
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Aug 30, 2017 05:17
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Nah. That guy was actually loving angry about that, and reacted like an at least vaguely reasonable human being at finding out about his wife's lovely actions. This guy may have a hot cheating fiance, but he's an idiot, so it balances out.
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Aug 30, 2017 05:26
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This is obviously just a humblebrag about his big dick Really, I was on this guy's side until the point in the story where he gives her permission to show it. Like, giving out nudes without permission is supremely hosed up, but if you give the go ahead, accidentally or not, it's sort of on you. She didn't betray his trust, and he's freaking out a bit much. This is the level of 'what the gently caress' you should be at if she did this without asking you, where I'd totally agree with his being pissed and advise him to drop her, but sounds like the dude is just being an idiot and making a huge deal out of something he gave her permission to do.
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Aug 30, 2017 17:00
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It's a nice story, so hopefully it works out, but I'm really not optimistic for it. Children are a lot of work, especially going into it as(Essentially)a single mother, and there's absolutely no chance she's not going to feel guilty for asking him for help when she will definitely need it, and there's an equally zero chance that he's not going to resent her asking for that help. As for the argument on him letting her leave, I don't think it was meant in that way, and those were her words, not his. I doubt he would've outright forced her to stay, in any event. The real messy situation in that event is that he was under the impression that she literally could not have children and she, to his knowledge, was still on birth control, so it's hard to just call him an idiot for not doing everything he could to avoid kids, and it's also a bit hosed up(In my mind, at least)to insist that he has to just be okay with having a child running around out there that he honestly never wanted and did everything he could to avoid having, whether he meets it or not. If someone just really doesn't want to have kids, forcing that on him with "Well you'll never have to meet it" still does feel a bit unfair; he'll always have to deal with the fact that he abandoned his child, which is crazily emotionally taxing regardless of whether or not he had every right to do that. I'm not saying she should be forced into abortion in the situation, for obvious reasons, just that I really don't think the guy is being unreasonable for being uncomfortable with the prospect of her just leaving to raise the kid on her own.
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Aug 30, 2017 22:51
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"I got my girlfriend an outfit to satisfy my fetish for her birthday and she's angry at me? Internet please advise" e: Yeah, the dude is getting hosed over hard in this scenario, and there's gonna be a lot of harsh resentment going forward. It's depressing, but that's life.
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Aug 30, 2017 23:54
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She's an idiot for not leaving him over a gift she dislikes Outsource your relationship to Reddit so you can be alone and have more time to be an idiot on Reddit e: To be fair, while she said she won't bother him over helping with the child, it seems like she also works, and I don't feel like she comprehends how much effort and stress having a kid is. She'll definitely resent him for not helping later when she hasn't slept for 3 days, even if he always agreed not to. Blade Runner fucked around with this message at 00:02 on Aug 31, 2017 |
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Aug 30, 2017 23:59
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The Ferret King posted:Right. But then people change their minds when a pregnancy happens. Sure, but it's totally understandable for him to be pissed if they had an agreement not to have kids and she ditched that when it actually did. It's also a hard situation for her, but I sincerely don't envy that dude.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:03
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Sure, but it's pretty sad to have to choose between being an awful person or making your life significantly harder in a way you never wanted it to be. It's just a depressing situation where I can't really blame either person for their decisions in it, but I feel like it's going to end with a whole lot of anger, so treating it like a storybook ending or even a compromise when the woman is pretty clearly pushing a very unhappy guy into something he never wanted and is never going to want is odd.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:18
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