Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Ayn Marx posted:

BG&E2 will take 6 years to make and won't keep most of its early promises. It will still ship before Star Citizen.

It may not keep all its promises, but it already produced this :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8IguhQqhAg

Which is already way more impressive than anything Croberts has produced so far. :hawaaaafap:

# ¿ Jun 23, 2017 22:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 21, 2024 14:58

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

AP posted:

EXPECTED RESULT
The screen be right side up lol
Ship should stay on course/not change direction without user input
Canopy should not disappear.
Fix party system, enable for team to see each other on Port Olisar and allow them to take off on the same ship. Fix this issue as it is very upsetting for us not being able to play with friends. !!!!!!!!! FIX IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
The game should have started...
I should have had a good time with my newly rented weapons, but did not.
It should have reconfigured properly. I should not be missing any equipment or losing a grenade because I changed armour. When I first went from the flight suit to the ORC medium, there were two grenades and I've never changed since. Why should it fail now?
When trying any equipment or clothing, the character should revert to the same set of clothes or equipment it had before trying.
Ship stays in place, or mostly in place. A human sized mass shouldn't be able to impart much velocity to the greater mass of the ship.
NPC pirate spawns allowing a fight to complete the stage.
The display should have remained normal when cycling through camera views.
Ship does not announce victory until victory is achieved.
Door should open.
A player model should be running around normally.
Skin should have stayed visible on outer hull
Since the door doesn't go anyway, it should have stopped my movement like a wall.
Both the "Back" button and the "Find Match" button should be usable and retain their usual coloration and mouse-over effects.
Energy-Weapons should "hit" when they hit.
I should have been able to buy the boots.
To fall to the ground and stand up without being bugged.
Painting stays on the wall all the time.
I have jumped out from closed ship's window.
I was into the ship, somehow it explodes and my character freezes in space without ability move or commit suicide, also I was unable to exit game controls were stuck but the game was running.
Player locked up in the room, door is not opening ,mission P.I. Wanted
Don't

Stream of consciousness is a really lovely way to file a bug report.

"Door should open."

# ¿ Aug 22, 2017 09:56

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

LMFAO QR code cards that give you access to ... a ship sale !

Keep on trucking Croberts !

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 11:05

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

hahaha what a shitshow !

That flight model is just the ships going in "noclip" mode right ? The ship just bounced off the floor with no damage ! This looks awful. And they're back to hyping Big Bennys machines...

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 11:39

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

aaaand the stream died.

This is embarrassing ...

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 11:58

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

AP posted:

Somebody is using the RSI patcher.

My thoughts when it happened.

The youtube stream seems to be up and running: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwUtzq3A5-o

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 12:03

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

alphabettitouretti posted:

So you still can't kill players when they're flying then. Dude just unloaded his pistol into the pilots head to no effect.

That's because the player "becomes" the ship when they take the pilot seat. But hey who knows, maybe if you buy just a few more cutlasses this'll be fixed in 4.0 ! :v:

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 12:25

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Quavers posted:

Clippy = https://gfycat.com/gifs/detail/SinfulNauticalFurseal

Hahaha just look at Lando's (Not sure about his pseudo, the guy on the flight crew camera) reaction after the crash and he switches viewpoints, this is priceless ! :cawg:

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 13:50

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

To riff on the analogy from a few pages back, Guitar Citizen would be a Rock Band clone with:

- no guitar peripherals produced yet so you have to air guitar in front of your TV (or play with a standard controller)
- you can preorder the fancy plastic guitars, keyboards, drums and mics for as much as $15k apiece to "donate" to the project and "push the boundaries" of video games development
- the only song currently available ingame is a high fidelity version of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr-I8XIAj8I
- unfortunately only the first minute is available to play for now, the remaining 2:30 will be available in 2 weeks.
- actually many more songs are coming, they will be procedurally generated. 2 weeks.
- super high fidelity graphics
- fantastic body awareness (mocapped on Slash, Yngwie Malmsteen and Steve Vai)
- runs at 12 fps, crashes frequently
- the game is currently split in 4 separate modules, one for each instrument.
- multiplayer across modules is not possible.
- new facetech allows you to mimic weird facial expressions (you still cannot see your character onscreen unfortunately)
- your character might become fatigued and unable to play if you forget to : eat, sleep, drink
- you might catch STDs from sleeping with groupies which you can seduce through a dating minigame in between songs. You will be given a percentage of satisfaction after sex depending on your performance. There has been no news of this feature for the past 3 years but it's absolutely coming. Oh and you may or may not be able to cure said STDs by going to a doctor. Doctors will be other players and not NPCs.
- Your instruments might be stolen by other players backstage. You will have to pay for them again. They will be super expensive.
- If your band is not successful enough for you to afford new instruments you will be able to work at the bar and serve drinks, or mop the floor to make some cash.

poo poo I could keep this going for pages :v:

# ¿ Oct 4, 2017 11:01

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Mangoose posted:

Haha, my five year old son loves it too. I had to google otters for him, we spent like 30 minutes looking at pictures. He now wants one for christmas.

Have you showed him this : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wavh47RpLz4 ? :3:

# ¿ Oct 4, 2017 11:07

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Is this it, is 3.0 finally available on the OUYA ? Please tell me gaming is saved at last ! :f5:

# ¿ Oct 6, 2017 14:29

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

aleksendr posted:

stable

c'mon man. Have you been paying attention ?

(not refuting the second part of your sentence tho, they're definitely gonna make bank out of the sheer excitement this release is likely creating)

# ¿ Oct 6, 2017 14:43

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Pretty sure this guy is asleep at his desk.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2017 10:23

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

LMFAO Chris is actually shilling Intel SSDs on stage hahaha

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 15:07

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Thinking on it this is just a logical conclusion, Star Citizen has been nothing but marketing and dreams from the beginning. Intel taking advantage of these poor souls is rather predatory though.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 15:15

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Crazy_BlackParrot posted:

lol and the intel guy is back

Intelcon confirmed.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 15:25

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Star Citizzzzzzz

Thoatse posted:

Star citizen YOU CAN WALK

Thank you for the bun gif you posted earlier, it made my day. :3:

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 16:40

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Rad Russian posted:

They're now explaining a new ground breaking technology called anti-aliasing that smoothes out graphings of CryEngine.

(which one of you is Uncle_Horse ?)

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 16:59

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Acht posted:

Haha the shot of the public

"I've made a huge mistake"

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 17:45

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

SelenicMartian posted:

Are they quoting some design textbook?

It's actually Wikipdia. Get your FUD straight Goonie.
:goonsay:

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 17:51

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Erenthal posted:

i mean all props due to the linguist guy

he seems like a cool dude that's good at what he does, and if i could get paid big bucks for indulging in my nerd hobby i would leap at the chance

but someone authorized money going into this

For sure but I mean would you want something like this to pop up when an employer googles your name ?

Repeat after me: "My videogame developer is rich."

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 18:12

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

https://clips.twitch.tv/RacyCloudyIguanaPMSTwin

You can't make this poo poo up.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 19:40

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Chalks posted:

Make this joke again in 16 mil

I'm the lens flare and slowmo in this joke. :pcgaming:

# ¿ Nov 9, 2017 12:15

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Wuxi, your AV triggers my claustrophobia, I need to exorcise this poo poo. Where is it from ?

fake edit: i'm claiming this spot on page 2900 and intend to speculate on it shamelessly.

also: taxxe

Sassy Sasquatch fucked around with this message at 18:28 on Nov 29, 2017

# ¿ Nov 29, 2017 18:25

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Allow me to translate this wonderful word salad (it was in the comment section of an article detailing why star citizen is NOT P2W):

quote:

Try and fly an Idris before making assumptions.

Your concerns are valid but.... these ships will be extremely expensive when the game resets at launch. I wonder how many people will actually fly an Idris day one, even in a group, without money, supplies, nothing. Many people without an org will regret buying one of these ships. And don't count on NPCs to replace actual players because they will ask for fair treatment and wages as well.

Don't worry, on day one differences will not be that big between players because 90% of people will be NPCs, and there will be law enforcement etc... This will rein in the more hardcore players.

Of course not everything will be perfect but the devs are listening so keep giving them input like you just did.

Well at least this guy is right about one thing.

# ¿ Nov 29, 2017 19:16

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Quavers posted:

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/220671107?t=02h06m21s

Bowtie wants in-game STDs. I didn't make this up.

e: awkward snipe

much better:

Holy poo poo I called this. I called a thing about Star Citizen !

# ¿ Jan 22, 2018 13:17

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Daztek posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen/comments/2bcvgd/storall_introduces_the_repair_bear/

CRobear is real.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2018 18:18

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Beet can you hand me a sixer with the Crobear of your choice please ? tia :3:

# ¿ Mar 21, 2018 13:13

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

mrking posted:

When will beet implement bear culling

It�s been pushed back to 3.2

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 18:40

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Sarsapariller posted:

Do you guys have some kind of youtube autoloader or something

Fine, edited out

I had quite a laugh scrolling past those 80 videos but yeah there's an embed feature that's off by default you can enable in your profile.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 19:32

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Beet Wagon posted:

I think I got everyone lol.

Dear Mrchinchin, sorry I hosed up your image tags, I'm getting an admin to revert it so I can re-probate you the right way. My bad, buddy.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 20:45

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

What went wrong with Bravo Team, Supermassive Game's VR shooter ?

Turns out it may have caught a bad case of the CRoberts:
https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2018-03-27-what-went-wrong-with-bravo-team

Useless mocap: Check
Cinematic ~fidelity~: Check
Scope/Budget mismatch: Check
Management interference at every level: Check

Star Citizen may never implement VR but at least the citizens can now play their dream shooter ~~Star Marine~~ Bravo Team.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2018 10:14

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Hav posted:

Sasquatch is not real. Yet there is video.

How does this ever work?

MODS ?

# ¿ Oct 3, 2018 11:36

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

LostMy2010Accnt posted:

I believe businesses are dumb enough to do this.

Very much this. Private equity firms raised about $750bn globally last year. If this Chris Roberts fella managed to raise $250m over several years with Star Citizen then maybe there is something there worth investing a few quids in. A couple millions is chump change for some of these firms anyway so I don't doubt he could handwave his way through an investor meeting or two if he was short on cash.

Also I rarely post here so I got all warm and fuzzy that y'all adopted "Crobear" as the official name for the bear. (and that emote lmfao :crobear:

) The real Star Citizen was this thread all along.

# ¿ May 24, 2019 15:57

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

I stumbled upon this video review of an autism chariot the other day, it made me think of you guys:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj0CHMYDIZg

I think it's this ship ?

Sarsapariller posted:

Origin 890 Jump
Price: 890 dollars haha get it that's the name of the ship it's a number we just loving made up and it coincides with the price what a coincidence
Guns: Not nearly enough
Speed: Not nearly enough
Reviewer's Thoughts: Citizens please buy one of these. It makes it so much easier to figure out which of you needs to be relentlessly griefed. So. Chris likes trains. He likes formula 1, he likes gritty space rebels, he likes car dealerships, he likes navies and saluting and admirals. You will find all of these things in Star Citizen. But the one thing Chris loving loves? More than anything else in the whole goddamn world? So much that it has infested Star Citizen with a bunch of useless cluttered poo poo? Luxury yachts. There is nothing in this world Chris loves more than a big rear end useless multi-million-dollar luxury yacht with all the fixin's. He has like 4 of these stupid loving things in the game, as well- pretty much the entire Origin lineup, plus the Constellation Phoenix, are all "Luxury." And they don't loving do anything! They're just white, and wood-panelled, in a game about grungy spacemen! But this thing- oh, this 890 jump- this is the crown jewel. For literally 900 of your dollars, you can own a frigate-sized monument to your limitless ego and inability to perceive value. What can it do? It can luxury. It's got big windows! It has, uh... it's white! It has wood paneling! It has virtually no defenses and is probably slow as poo poo! If I see you in this thing I will dedicate my evening to making you upset!

There's everything, from the utter lack of self awareness needed to produce this 30 minutes wank with a straight face, overlooking the fact that there's absolutely no purpose for that ship ingame, to the dreams that people would actually want to crew this poo poo to be space peons for the space elite. Just lol. I kinda wish Star citizen would come out so we could grief these people now.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2019 17:24

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Sample_text posted:

I actually like the video, because IMHO it actually does show quite a bit of self awareness.
They guy's operating on the "content creator bible" . Find some "defining" thing about you (an architect reviews.... ) and put your spin on the thing.
He doesn't need any of those "gameplay loops" or "fun" to make videos like that, and I'm pretty sure I heard of the guy actually promoting and hyping up the yacht video in streamer's channels before it was even released., so he has that whole "self promotion thing" down.
See, guys like him see this for what it is and exploit it , while people like twerk are having meltdowns on stream about the content drought while their viewership plummets.
I mean, this guy will go on to make "An architect reviews.....your starting apartment in Cyberpunk 2077" and drop Star Citizen once it stops providing 100 k views.

TL;DR : I'm willing to bet the guy doesn't care about Star Citizen, but about "muh kahntent" "muh engagemunt" "muh brand".

Fair enough, it just popped in my suggestions and I sure didn�t do any due diligence on the guy so it�s possible it�s just an opportunistic stab at the Star Citizen fanbase. His talk of the Origin brand etc lead me to believe he has skin in the game though. My favorite part was when he started talking of firing crew members for misplacing a spoon or a napkin. :jerkbag:

# ¿ Sep 5, 2019 23:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 21, 2024 14:58

Sassy Sasquatch: Feb 28, 2013

Be patient you entitled brats, the new thread will be available in two weeks when they are done refactoring it.

My favorite posters in this thread are Sarsapariller for the hilarious trip reports (we should have a "citizens react" to his posts seriously), Thoatse for the cute animals and Beet for the crobear probe and Kayak updates. There, I said it. :3:

# ¿ Sep 6, 2019 11:08

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen: Death of a Space Thread?