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Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

seiferguy posted:

Hey guys.

The 49ers are... bad.

They also don't have a coach, GM, or functional owner, so no help there.

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Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Captain Narwhal posted:

This is the first time anything about the 49ers has made me happy in a while. Poor Tomsula.

Can someone explain how John Lynch happened? I actually really liked him as a player but... that's all he's got going for him as far as I know. I thought they had gone through a few rounds of interviews and had narrowed the search down to two guys but then boom they signed John Lynch for 6 years. I felt a glimmer of hope when they fired Chip but now I'm depressed all over again.

Jed! seemed to think the most important thing was a happy coach/GM relationship. Lynch was apparently Shanahan's choice, and I guess they're old buddies. He's surrounding himself with guys who know what they're doing (Adam Peters of the Broncos was his first hire), thankfully, so it shouldn't be an absolute disaster .

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Captain Narwhal posted:

That makes more sense, I hadn't heard they were pals. I am feeling a little better about it because it looks like they intend to surround him with more experienced people. Also it seems like the split of duties between Lynch, Shanahan, and whoever else isn't totally clear.

It definitely is not yet, and won't be until at least after the super bowl (because Shanahan can't be hired or even agree to a deal until then, officially). The waiting and uncertainty sure does make the situation seem worse.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Bad Moon posted:

I wanted Jay Cutler :mad:

SF you know what you need to do.

Fire everyone and sign JFF as the new combination GM/Coach/OC/QB*?

*with an iron-clad 8 year contract

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Flikken posted:

Has Kap opted out yet?

He can't until March, but multiple sources have said it's definitely happening; like the Shanahan hire, it's unofficially official.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
He'd be functional in any run first offense that doesn't depend on timing passes :shrug:

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Bad Moon posted:

Rams and Niners goons tell me about how your fandoms are reacting to the changes to your defensive alignments.

I've been wanting to switch to a 4-3u ever since they lost Fangio, Smith & Willis. 3-4 made no sense for the past couple years, given the limited LB talent on the roster. I think the current d-line players they have will fit the new scheme well, though I have some concern over the size of Armstead & Buckner.

I envision Armstead at SS DE, Ian Williams/Glenn Dorsey at NT, FA/draft pick or maybe Ronald Blair at UT, Buckner or Carradine at Elephant. SS LB would be Lynch or maybe Ronald Blair. It's going to take some experimenting and a season of some physical changes to make it work, but there's probably also going to be an awful lot of roster changes, so :shrug: who knows how it'll end up looking. Excited for the change, though. Even if I suspect the defense will be absolute trash for at least one more season, it won't take as long to make the switch as people probably think.

Edit: I think it's great, most people seem excited (yay change) or indifferent. Defense has already gone to crap, so who really cares what scheme they use now?

Coldforge fucked around with this message at 01:30 on Feb 15, 2017

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

seiferguy posted:

I feel like the Rams should have used last year as a rebuild year, kept the draft picks to fill out other roster needs, then go for a FA QB this year like Romo. Of course, Jeff Fisher ~faaaaart~ and NEW CITY kind of ruined them.

Goff would have been absolutely perfect for Chip's wild ride, too. Stupid Rams ruin everything (though especially the Rams).

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Benne posted:

Goff is such a weird black box at this moment. Air Raid QBs have a rough track record in the NFL, but at the same time Goff had nothing to work with last year and was basically thrown to the wolves.

Maybe a real coaching staff and a scheme not stuck in the 1970s can help him turn around (along with WRs worth a poo poo), but the tape he put on last year was not very encouraging. I mean, his rookie stats were on par with Leaf and JaMarcus, so it's gonna take a lot of work for him to wipe away those comparisons.

otoh, he had a (comparatively) rough first year at Cal, and got better every year as he learned the system & the team around him improved. I think he'll be fine with the new, offensive minded head coach. Just wish it wasn't for the Rams.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

shirts and skins posted:

Yeah it took me a second to remember that, but it's true! The curse is lifted. Now we just have to worry about the lovely o line.

Anyway, whoahoa, what is this about SF maybe getting Kirk Cousins? Niners fans...do you like that?

If they get him for a rnd 3 or less in trade, sure. If it's a first or second rounder, gently caress that. Niners are going to suck next season no matter who is QB, would rather they just grab a cheap vet (Hoyer, Schaub) who can fill space for the next couple years, and try their luck in the draft while they rebuild.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

seiferguy posted:

Part of me tells me that 9ers should use this as a rebuilding year and get a QB next year since they have talent deficit almost everywhere, but I'm not an NFL GM.

With 6 year contracts (and no offset), the front office can take their time and get the best pieces they can each season. Going to suck a bit in the short term, but hopefully around the time the Seahawks are falling apart, the 49ers will be a competent team again.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
Garcon/Goodwin/Kerley with Hoyer throwing to them is already an upgrade from last year. Niners will still suck next season, but at least they're likely to be entertaining for the right reasons.

Edit: and it sounds like they're also getting Jusczyk at FB/TE/hybridthing :dance:

Coldforge fucked around with this message at 21:41 on Mar 8, 2017

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Maggot Soup posted:

Dawson is reliable, but they also signed Bethea. Why are they signing older players? Palmer and Fitz are most likely leaving next year too. Is the team younger than I'm thinking?

Arians is an old, old man. They're all youngins to him.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Ghost Dog posted:

do 49ers posters still exist and how do they feel about their team giving 20m to the worst fullback in the league

Yes. Quite cheerful, actually.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Chichevache posted:

Good news! He's a top 10 player at his position!

Bad News! There are only 8 fullbacks in the NFL.

He'd be a starter on Seattle's O-line, so it's definitely not all bad.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Ghost Dog posted:

he cannot block and provides nothing special as a receiver

As I said: starter on the Seattle O-line. And, being 100% honest, probably also the Niners'.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Ghost Dog posted:

his True Nickname is juicy j and idk whats funnier. his agent blackmailing the 49ers with that obvious lie or if its true and 2 teams decided to have a bidding war on a bottom tier fa at a position no one uses anymore

Please give us a 1,400 word comparison of the humor of each situation so we can decide for ourselves.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Ghost Dog posted:

get this: the 49ers lmao

:effort:

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
The best one:

https://twitter.com/KyleAMadson/status/841698255641616385

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

JIZZ DENOUEMENT posted:

Latest mock drafts have good OT's and OG's going to Seattle. Mock drafters can't seem to find a consensus on what SF decides to do.

Niners have so many needs, and the new GM is such an unknown, they could go in practically any direction at 2 overall. Obviously, if the Browns pass on Garrett for a QB (please please please), their choice would be much simpler to predict.

I'm guessing their preference is to trade back.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

JIZZ DENOUEMENT posted:

Strong disagree. And even if it were true LB is one of the more fungible positions.

Pretty sure he's just kidding in a "the 49ers should draft a not great player with little positional value at 2, so they can keep sucking" way.

Similar to this:

Schwack posted:

At 2 you can get the best kicker on the board. That's a cornerstone player for 10+ years. Seems like the obvious move.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

https://secure2.convio.net/alsa/site/Donation2?df_id=37513&mfc_pref=T&37513.donation=form1

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Odds seem high that "passenger" means "had a guy in the car willing to switch seats and take the blame."

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Chichevache posted:

If your friends are that dedicated, surely it can't be that difficult to just have one stay sober.

I believe they're not so much dedicated friends as people who like money a lot.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
Feel free to ask about the 49ers defense this year, god drat.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Coldforge posted:

Feel free to ask about the 49ers defense this year, god drat.

Niners switch to 4-3u, get a Michael Bennett clone, a Bobby Wagner clone and in round three...



lol

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
Still don't ask about the 49ers offense, though. Especially their QBs.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
After the draft:

The 49ers got a shitload better on defense, and a bit better on offense.
The Rams got a shitload better on offense.
The Cardinals got better on defense.
The Seahawks got a bit better all around.

I can live with that.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

King Hong Kong posted:

Yeah. By the same token, I'm not convinced the 49ers got better on offense unless you are projecting a lot of production from Joe Williams or really like blocking TEs or just figure anything is better than last year.

Kittle is a huge upgrade over any TE they have on roster. My third favorite TE in this class, I expect big things.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

seiferguy posted:

I'd say Seattle got way better on defense, not so much on offense. Only one offensive line pick early on, and a WR pick. The rest was spent rebuilding our defensive line and secondary, which I'm pretty okay with.

They only real upgrade I see for the Seahawks on D is McDowell, who does look like a potential monster. Everyone else they picked on D just looks like depth.

Meanwhile, Pocic is a pretty massive upgrade, and Senior should eventually be as well. They drafted good O-line players. Let that sink in.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Chichevache posted:

I'm very excited for Pocic. He's going to be a fantastic jump ball TE for the redzone. I think Baldwin and Lockett will distract the hell out of the defense and Pocic will clean up. Dudes 6'6". You can't teach height.

I guess you just have to hope Jones will work out as their new right tackle?

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Chichevache posted:

Why would we need a new right tackle? :confused:

NFL rules require you to have at least seven players lining up on the line of scrimmage when on offense. It just makes it easier for everyone else if you call one of them a right tackle.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Krycek posted:

I'm kinda glad you guys signed Gilliam and took him off our hands. I don't know what the 9ers see in him and I think you massively overpaid for the guy. But kudos to him for getting a nice contract.

Pretty sure he's just there for depth, though I've seen him listed at guard, so they may think he'll do better inside? I dunno. Not thrilled by the signing, but the entire roster is such a mess, and they have so much cap space anyway, I don't really care about one more terrible player.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Krycek posted:

The niners could get every single 1st rd pick of the draft and Yorky boy would still find a way to screw it up

Truth.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
He's a good, quick penetration run stopping guy. As long as that's all you ask of him, he'll be solid.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

DariusLikewise posted:

Jared Goff loving sucks

It's his first year in the NFL, give him time. He has to recover from whatever crap Jeff Fisher tried to teach him was football.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Chichevache posted:

It's his second year.

What I said is correct.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
What Fisher did was take a player who was an experienced, talented expert of a modern spread offense, and tried to force him into the mold of a 1970s era pocket QB in a single season. I'm not sure why this is so confusing? It'd be akin to taking someone who's played defense their whole career, or hell, something really weird like basketball, and expecting them to be a competent starting offensive linem....oh, nm, I see the issue.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
Hey guys, buncha experts tell me that Reuben Foster's shoulder is totally damaged and he won't be able to play this year, maybe won't ever be the same.

https://twitter.com/RaidersAnalysis/status/902189829135384576

https://twitter.com/BaySean/status/901959953065193473

https://twitter.com/RaidersAnalysis/status/902188889493737473

Huh. Thanks Seahawks + 30 other teams!

Coldforge fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Aug 28, 2017

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Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

Chichevache posted:

*legit 0.5 wide receiver

Although it's worded a bit confusingly, I assume he meant Cooper Kupp can be a legit number 1, and he's right :colbert:

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