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The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CXLV: Real Steel

One DLC arena completed. Two to go. Since that unlocks the secret fourth part of the DLC. :ssh:

Music: Underground Colosseum

Today�s free expedition will take us to the Forest Zone for one of the final times and back to the underground colosseum for some machine lifeform on machine lifeform violence. Let�s jump right into it where we last left off.

There are six total ranked fights in the Underground Colosseum. Rank 2 recommends Level 45. Here on out we�ll be at the level cap so that�s not going to be an issue. 9S�s current level reflects whatever machine we�ll be controlling. Though if he is lacking, it is possible to toss in some Plug-in Chips that increase hacked machines� levels and that will carry over to these fights.

I�ve been told the Small Biped armed with Axe is a goddamn beast in this arena. Let�s see if that holds any weight. I have a feeling they�ll start throwing in those shield jerks more often to deter just blasting everything with energy orbs so melee is probably the way to go.

Ready? FIGHT!

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

Axe Boy here has a pretty nice moveset overall. Its default strike is a lunging dual-axe sweep with some decent range. It�s good for taking out a single machine in our path.

Its secondary attack is a Blanka like rolling forward spin that covers decent ground and will absolutely demolish a single target in its path.

The actual MVP is its Pod Program equivalent strong attack, which makes our little machine lifeform extend its arms and start rapidly rotating its torso into a buzzsaw of death. This is great against crowds and single enemies alike. The best part is that, unlike the first two attacks, we can still control its movement during the technique. It also lasts for like eight seconds with a second wind-up and cooldown being its only drawbacks.

So Axe Boy... pretty good little dude. Especially a Level 99 Axe Boy. But really, even a Level 99 Stubby can be a threat. It�s totally possible to demolish the first few ranks of this just spamming a Level 99 Stubby�s windmill arms flailing against everything. It�s just not the most expedient method of winning these matches.

Music: Underground Colosseum

A reward... for fighting?

Good luck in next battle.

9S, you�ve been rewarded for fighting everything under the sun since the game began. A good chunk of the time at the behest of other machines. No part of this ought to be weird to you. Take your handful of garbage and be happy.

And now get back into the ring. We�ve got another match to fight. No slacking now. I know this is all heading towards the final endings and that�s not going to be a good time for anyone involved. But mucking about here won�t stop that from happening.

Now show us what you�re made of... and FIGHT!

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

A bunch of Level 50 machines against a Level 99 Axe Elemental is hardly a fair match. But they knew what they were getting into with these lax weight class regulations in these bouts. It�s not our fault they�re allowing Mike Tyson to go up against a bunch of Glass Joes and Gabby Jays.

Music: Underground Colosseum

That was an ugly match.

You sound like a true fighter. Good good.

Sadly, the best reward we get from this colosseum was that bonus costume for 9S. Any chips provided from any of the DLC arena matches are almost certainly the maximum plug-in slots which make them all but worthless.

But that won�t stop us from burning through the rest of this content. Onto the next match. Level 60 recommendation? Not a problem. We could handle that the first time we were here.

All right, let�s begin. Try not to get hurt, okay?

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

The enemies are a bit more advanced this time around with bootleg Tachikoma and assorted Enhanced versions of Sphere Shaped machines being a lesser threat.

The second wave in this match might have been an issue for a melee character given it is a giant cluster of suicide bomber machines. But with our level capped boy, he can just walk away no-selling explosions like a badass.

The final round pits us against a Goliath Biped and some Medium Biped lads. That�s cute. The level gap is real, powerful, and not in you lot�s favor, I�m afraid. Chalk another victory to 9S brainjacking a machine lifeform! Don�t think too hard on the morality of any of this.

Music: Underground Colosseum

......

Again... these chips are just bad and worthless at this point in the game. Ironically, this would have been some decent stuff for Speed Star though. That stupid robot...

The penultimate match brings us a Level 70 recommendation. I actually ran as far as I could through all three arenas initially. I only recorded the first one though because... boy machines banging on each other for an extra five minutes isn�t good entertainment. That said, this is the one I couldn�t pass for this arena.

The oil will spew! The gears will fly! Now let�s get it on!

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

We�ve got a wider spread of enemies here to contend with in this bout. Particularly, a non-Forest Kingdom type mounted unit. I�m only pointing this out because it�s definitely possible to encounter rare enemies during this match and they do NOT count towards the Unit Data total if destroyed during the DLC. Which is a real big bummer. Currently sitting at 92% of the required 95% for that one sidequest. Just gonna have to go grind for an hour... or two... depending on how much RNG hates me. And it�s hated me a lot this playthrough...

Beyond that, we�ve got some rarer Enhanced Units like the spider tank whose proper name I�m clearly refusing to look up and making synonyms for constantly the entire LP since they only show up like every 20 updates. And a Tank too. Tanks still melt to over-leveled adversaries. Doesn�t matter how large the size difference may be. The Level ratio judges all...

The final round pits us against over a dozen of our Small Biped compatriots. Sadly, they have not learned The Way of the Axe and are lacking fortitude in their ignorance. It goes badly for them...

Music: Underground Colosseum

It seems like strength is the only thing that matters here.

True. True true. Strength is why we fight.

Another lackluster reward. The reason we fight is that there is content and we need to see it. Yeah, it�s real hosed up if you think about it too hard. You shouldn�t! Moving on!

The final proper bout of the Underground Colosseum has a Level 80 recommendation. I�m glad they made the final challenges reasonable. And the bonus challenges total bullshit with actively trolling rewards. Oh did I spoil a theme of these things...? My bad!

But first, consider this: both competitors have fought long and hard to make it here... So why do they keep fighting? I�m sure we�ll know the answer soon. And with that... let us BEGIN!

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

This is the final proper battle of this arena. Level 80 enemies, unlike the rest we�ve faced, if they get some good hits in can do some serious damage to our Level 99 Axe Boy. But not if we keep it smart and be good and mobile.

It�s mostly Enhanced Versions of folks we�ve seen. Man... there�s an Enhanced Leg Day guy I need to go grind for that Unit Completion percentage and I really wish the DLC counted... He could have been scary if Axe Spin didn�t immediately melt him before he could recover from his landing on the ground animation.

After that we�ve got a horde of Zombie Machines we�ve not seen since way back in Route A. They act exactly as they did back then. Just sort of shambling forward and vomiting. That�s WAY easier to avoid in a 3D environment, as it turns out! There�s also an out of place Enhanced stacked gunner unit hanging out here too. Not sure what that�s all about. It didn�t last long...

The actual final challenge is the Monster Type reborn. It�s now a Level 99 enemy that can potentially outright melt our unit if its laser hits it dead on. Thankfully, its animation is the slowest thing on the planet and its melee attacks are all bulky, awkward and easy to avoid.

I�ve since watched Shin Godzilla since that initial Monster Type Machine fight. That was... a neat 25 minute Godzilla film and a really boring 90 minute dunking on the Japanese government�s bureaucracy. Kudos to the supposed to be Japanese-American lady with the thickest Japanese accent of anyone speaking English in that film. I�m gonna be real... I�m not a fan of your chances of your Presidential run at office, even with your senator dad�s backing...

Music: Underground Colosseum

You overcame final obstacle. Congratulations. Do you now understand why we come here to fight?

I think I do.

We fight to find meaning. We fight to grow strong. It is life�s work. It is why this arena exists. It will continue on for long time to come. We have forgotten why we grow strong. But growing strong is all that matters. It is all that matters. You are just like us. We are the same.

Wait, what? That�s not�

......

See 9S. You and the machines aren't so different. Like remember that part about how you're part machine and thus it was morally in the right to set up you and everyone you know to eventually be killed? Good times. Here is the final reward. Again... trash.

That said, this is now the end of this DLC sidequest. Like its predecessor, it does have a Bonus Mission of questionable quality. But before we take a quick look at that, everyone now has some now dialog. I hope you like 9S actually getting praise for a change...

Little guy err... I don�t think I ever saw a machine in a referee jersey in any of those matches. What�s a referee jersey? Oh umm... Gee, look at the time! Hope you see your dad soon!

We�ll throw away our swords! Please teach us!

Let me tell you of the ways of the axe... The Satsui no Axeo.

He�s friends with one of the spectators here, so why don�t you go talk to him? He�s a big machine, so he should be easy enough to find.

Yeah, I think we know that machine. Though it seemed less friendly a relationship.

Out in the stands, heated matches still continue. However, all the spectators have a new champ they�re betting on. Let�s take a closer look.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Ki... Oh hey, 9S! Sup?

Just a diversion before getting back to that self-destructive quest for revenge and genocide of your kind. Ya know, the usual.

*fist pumps* My money�s on 9S!

*fist pumps* What he said!

Said nobody ever before this point. Yet still, despite being the people�s champion... zero people biting on the Nines nickname.

Dance like 9S and sting like 9S! Just, you know, be like 9S!

Ugh, no no no no NO. Did you even study 9S�s combat data?

Oh Christ, the machines have learned about slash fanfiction. And now others are getting mad about it going counter to established canon. Adam sent these guys down a dark path...

He�s been stealing parts from opponents he defeated to sell them and buy upgrades for himself. He�s been tinkering with his ego backup data as well, and I think he�s started to get a bit loopy... You may not have noticed, but you actually fought him before. Thanks for taking care of him. And congrats!

So that DLC item shop that sold several upgrade materials that otherwise had to be farmed? Yep. The player kills that merchant at some point during the final round and the store is gone forever. Hope you stocked up on what you needed beforehand! Did Platinum drum up some other old hands from the Cavia days to come back from whatever bridge they were guarding and work on this DLC?

That said, much like the first arena, this one contains a tad bit more content after all standard matches have been completed.

The Special Rank match has a recommended Level 99 and boy does it mean that...

Music: Bipolar Nightmare (Vocal)

And at the end, you will face the ultimate hero... Masamune! Fight as if your life depends on it!

This is a ten minute time limit match against five waves of nothing but Level 99 Enhanced model machine lifeforms of all shapes and sizes. Any one of �em can completely wreck up our controlled machine�s day in short order. In the final round, Masamune the Weaponsmith enters the fray. He�s a Level 99 Axe Wielder like we�d been using for most of the matches this update. Only every one of his attacks cause a full arena shockwave that will one-shot you

The reward for completing this challenge is Masamune�s Mask, an accessory that grants an increase of 30 Levels to any hacked and remote controlled machine lifeform! That�s quite the boon... if we weren�t already at the loving level cap! Are you for real with this DLC? :argh:

Yea, I�m good. So ends our time in the Underground Colosseum and ever participating in the hacking and controlling a machine lifeform gimmick during this LP.

Music: ENDS

Tune in next time as we go complete the third and final DLC arena. I�m sure the reward for the special rank of that one will be a full 4k photo of goa�

Stronger, stronger... You must become stronger.

That�s what they kept telling me, so I tried.

I tried to become stronger. I tried and I tried.

But in the end, I...

Video: Episode 145 Highlight Reel

Machine Lifeform Gun Concept Art � That�s a lot of mechanical design to go into something that just shoots purple spheres.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 21:32 on Feb 9, 2018

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The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CXLVI: Elation

Back at it again at the DLC. We�ve got one final arena to burn through back at the scenic square block that is the Flooded City and the Gambler�s Colosseum.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

9S has had his time in the sun. Today we�re going to do a bit of time manipulation and resurrect 2B to take on this arena. Sorry A2, you�re sitting out all of this. Be happy you got the best of the three DLC costumes.

Let�s jump right into it with the Rank D fight. Level 35 would be a reasonable requirement for an late Route A version of 2B to tackle. Let�s waste no time. Get to it Twoobie. 9S you sit in the corner and try not to embarrass YoRHa. And stay the hell away from those missiles outside.

Er, I mean, once I say to begin, we�ll kick it off. We won�t start during the explanation of how to start... Mmm... I�m making this very confusing. Uh, yeah. Anyway. This is for real. Now fight!

Music: Dark Colossus KAIJU (Instrumental)

What did we ever do to you!?

I mean... there�s the forever war. That�s kind of a sticking point with androids and machines. Anyway, if you�ll recall this too is a three wave encounter with increasingly difficult configurations of machine adversaries. I mean... difficult if we weren�t nearly sixty levels outclassing the lot of �em. Unlike the rest of the arenas, all the machines have a couple lines of dialog per wave. They�re not too happy with being tossed in as fodder for a DLC combat challenge arena.

We won�t stop until all of you are gone!

I�ll turn you to scrap!

The only noteworthy thing during this Rank D fight is that it marks the second time I�ve ever seen the Goliath Biped do the attack where they birth Small Biped machines. Had almost forgotten all about that one until now... Turns out they can home on 2B upon birth. Heck of a way to come into the world � doing a Psycho Crusher to an android�s face.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

Our reward for this first round is entirely vendor trash that will sell for a decent chunk... once we go back to the future and 2B is dead again. What? Stuff sells way better in Route C. No correlation has been found between 2B�s death, the liquidation of YoRHa and an upward market fluctuation.

Additionally, the receptionist just repeats the same bit of dialogue after completing a rank match. So I�ll skip that until further notice. Instead, we get a small post-match scene with the denizens of the Gambler�s Colosseum. Such as...

Sure did! Stupid contraption was begging for its life... Not that a hunk of junk like that even has a life worth begging for! Ha ha!

Can you believe these things are so dumb they think they�re actually alive!?

Har har! I haven�t laughed this hard in ages!

A fifteen level recommendation increase comes with the next Rank C match of the arena. That�s within late Route B range. Did they honestly expect you to come back here regularly as you progressed in the game to do these without destroying the difficulty curve?

Now... fight!

Music: Dark Colossus KAIJU (Instrumental)

This cannot continue! I�m gonna die!

Ehh... not feeling that as the chorus backing for a Birth of a Wish remix. Next wave, please!

Oh god, please, god, no, god...

Sorry to tell you but Yoko Taro isn�t going to save you here. He�s having a good time watching your suffering.

Diediediediediediedie!

Pfft. 2B already did that ages ago. Come back when you�ve got some new material, guys.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

The reward for Rank C�s completion, as with the other DLC arenas, are a bunch of worthless chips we�ll never use. I suppose they sell for some alright cash if we should be hurting while knocking out the last of the weapon upgrades to unlock the final side quest later. But for now...

Machines don�t have mothers! I think someone crossed your circuits. Better tear you apart and see what�s wrong.

NO. NO! NOOOOOO!

I took your mother apart because she needed fixin�! It doesn�t look like I�ll be able to put her back together again, though.

HOW COULD ANYONE DO SUCH A THING!?

Machines crying over their �mothers�... It�s bloody disgusting, is what it is. Hey, you wanna join in on the fun?

......

Whatever, we don�t need your holier-than-thou attitude. Get outta here.

What? What are you looking at me like that for? If you got nothing to say, get the hell outta my face.

Gee... I�m starting to get the sense the androids here might be kinda assholes. Not sure why. Just a sour vibe I�m starting to feel. Anyhow, back to the rank matches! Rank C jumps up ten levels to 60 for its recommendation. So... right around where we began this DLC endeavor in the first place. Bring �em on!

Then welcome... to the B-rank stage! Let the fists fly! Let the feet kick! Let the pure passion of combat come forth in glorious... _Er, sorry. Hehe... I�m rambling again, aren�t I? Fine then. Fiiight!

Music: Dark Colossus KAIJU (Instrumental)

We have to kill androids to get outta here!

Yeah well, our androids need to kill machine lifeforms to err... complete this DLC to get our money�s worth for purchasing it in the first place. Look... everyone has their reasons for fighting. Not gonna say ours is particularly great or anything. But it�s a reason none the less!

Victory is ours!

Yeesh. A trio of electric worms. This is the only instance in this arena I sort of regret swapping out 9S. Even with a continual Ghostbusters stream of energy aiming for their weak points and a one-shot kill if it actually connects, these took far too long to get out of my hair. It�s telling there is concept art for almost every enemy type in the game... except these pieces of poo poo that were thrown together, shoddy hitbox and all, in an afternoon.

Die! Please, die!

Again, 2B�s been there and done that... Technically multiple times even. Y'all boys need to come up with some new material.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

The Rank C match�s completion yields a different sort of reward: a secondary set of hair dyes for 2B and A2. Sorry 9S, you�re eternally stuck with your old news white anime hair for no real reason. Them�s the breaks, kid. Let�s see our new bounty of hair stylings.

We�ve got Ash Grey Hair for that distinguished silver fox look. Not really too common on female characters, really. Unless you�re in the old timer age of over 40.

There�s Golden Hair for those who�ve fallen deep into a Dragon Ball Z related hole recently. I feel like that�s something A2 would be way more into than 2B. 9S is one of those dweebs that butts into the conversation and swear by the original Dragon Ball and then embarks on a tangent telling you that you ought to read the original manga if you really want to get into the series. They just asked if you should watch the original or Kai. Don�t dump 42 volumes of comics in their lap you loving nerd! :argh:

We�ve got Pastel Pink and Lime Green hair for those that prefer 2B look like she just got off the set of a Tales game.

There is a Light Blue Dye because you�re still deluded that last Rebuild of Evangelion movie is ever going to get made and you couldn�t quite remember what shade blue you wanted for needed for your cosplay of a really boring character from the series.

And finally there is Light Purple Hair to round out the full anime girl hair color spectrum. What you wanted like dirty blonde or auburn? No. You�ll take your flaming red and golden and like it! Anyway, back to the colosseum, where we come upon...

Quit yer yappin� and get fightin� already, you stupid piece of junk. I want to see these bastards suffer over and over!

I MUST ESCAPE THIS HELL...

Escape from there being DLC for completed games? Not in either of our lifetimes, bud. But enough of that... we�ve got two more ranked matches left to conquer. Rank A jumps another ten levels to Level 70 gating. Not a problem. Let�s rock.

I want you to kill, kill, KILL! Kill until you�re soaked in blood! Kill until your feet slip in pools of your own lubricants! And now... FIIIGHT!

Music: Dark Colossus KAIJU (Instrumental)

I will fight! For my sister!

Mother... Mother! Mother!

You soulless creatures!

They gave the third wave enemies in this arena a different voice from the usual generic machine lifeforms and I�m sorry, but you guys are an aberration and must be wiped from this world.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

Another sack of worthless plug-in chips are our reward. I managed the first down-attack (hit the action button to knock the enemy in the air and do a cool combo) in about 30 hours of gameplay during this DLC. Don�t see that chip getting much use. But enough of that. We�ve got more androids being huge jerks to attend to!

Yeah. I kicked my old one a few too many times and it finally fell apart.

Probably not the gentle kicks either, knowing you.

Who gives a rip? It�s that dumb machine�s fault for being such a piece of crap. Not like I can�t just get another one.

*sniff* MOMMY... HELP ME... PLEASE... MOMMY... MOMMY...

I should probably get a new machine one of these days. One that cries even more, preferably.

Lessee, what orders shall I put my little robot through next? It�s gotta make up for screwing up the planet like this, am I right?

Lovely folks. That said, now that we�re an A Rank fighter and only one proper match remains, everyone in the arena has some new dialogue. May as well take a look before we take on the S-Rank fight.

Huh? You wanna know what happened to the other girl? She kept losin� until she ran out of money, then she got dragged off somewhere. Dumb broad. That won�t happen to me though! I�m ready for my next big win!

Good to know screwing with the house and skirting loan sharks has the same results in the far distant future. Spoilers: All the dialogue updates again after we complete the S Rank battle and this girl vanishes too. Guess that next big win didn�t pan out so hot.

I hear you�re pretty strong! Maybe I should check out one of your matches some day.

You�re getting the hang of this place, aren�t ya?

Yeah... I think this place would probably be best suited to Route C 9S... Which is exactly why we didn�t bring Route C 9S to come visit.

This place is what�s keeping me sane every day.

Ehh... It�s OK. Get back to me when you start throwing Android/Machine Royale Rumbles or a Ladder Match consisting entirely of Stubbies. Now there is some entertainment.

Oh, come on... You�re not even trying to be subtle with your references anymore!

That said, we�ve actually gained enough materials to upgrade Pod A (Gatling) to Level 2. With this new augmentation, the first shot with Gatling Fire is a larger, slightly more damaging energy orb. The Pod Fire button can be tapped to repeatedly fire the powered-up shot. But I doubt that�s significantly higher DPS than just locking on and holding down the button when attacking an enemy.

We�ve also got enough supplies to upgrade Pod B (Laser) to its maximum level. At Level 4, Laser gains a higher powered, larger beam for the first 3-5 seconds of firing on top of its range and damage being increased.

Additionally, holding the Pod Fire button for about ten seconds can charge up the secondary fire shot when it�s released and unleash a huge volley of bouncing, highly damaging secondary shots about the room. I doubt the androids in here appreciated 2B demoing her new Pod toys in the lobby. But YoRHa IFF systems prevents them from being damaged so it�s fine. What are you jerks gonna do? Go complain to Command that we were causing a ruckus in your illicit gambling blood sport hideout? Yeah... That�s what I thought...

...Goddammit.

As I re-install Resident Evil 4 to play for about the 30th time, let�s take a quick trip into the stands to see what new chatter the spectators offer before we take on the S Rank match.

We lost so many of our troops to these bastards, it�s truly... elating to see them get destroyed!

OK. Now go look up �fetish� and then learn to stow that poo poo in public environments, eh?

Luck�s a strange thing. You can�t go against it, but you can somehow channel it if you really try.

I saw you fight before. You�re pretty good. In the meanwhile, the champion has won 96 matches in a row though. The question now is: will he reach 100, or are you going to stop him?

You�re that android everyone�s been talkin� about, huh? You enjoying yourself here? This is a place where only the strong survive, so it�s not for everyone.

Owowowowow... Man, I should NOT have tried becoming a contestant!

The real luck is the luck you make for yourself. Or grinding to the level cap. They�re basically the same thing, really.

I just can�t stop shouting! Wanna join in?

No... you do you, guy. Just try not to overdo it. You�re gonna wear yourself out.

I need to see those beautiful red bubbles coming at me to experience the true thrill of combat!

What the hell, you can�t even beat a broken-rear end piece of junk like that!? Loser!

Oh hey, I saw you fight before! I think I�m gonna bet on you next!

I saw you fight just now. You might be able to take that rear end in a top hat S Rank champ down!

You know what? That�s not a bad idea. Enough chit-chat. Let�s get back on track.

The Rank S match has a Level 80 recommendation. We outclass that by 19 levels. But this is still the closest any of these matches will come to challenging. Until they veer straight past that and into complete unreasonable bullshit. But for now...

Today, I want to see you revel in the glorious and refined combat arts... Show no mercy! Grant no quarter! Rip and tear and gouge and poke and slice and crush and maim and destrooooy! Now FIIIGHT!

DLC Music: Vague Hope - Spring Rain :siren:

(Hey this remix only ever plays here and you should REALLY listen to it!) :siren:

We only want to live in peace!

Why do you do this to us!?

There�s more content to unlock and the only way to get to it is killing you. I mean... what if it�s something cool? Sorry... but I can�t let you all live and take the risk of not seeing something cool.

Stop it... Please! Stop it!

Look, you know our stance on stopping and the inability to act upon the desire to stop. It�s well documented at this point.

Brother, I�m so scared! Help me!

Curse you! Curse your entire species!

It�s difficult to tell, considering how fast they�re taken out, but these guys actually have unique models. They�re physically sword and gunner type Medium Bipeds, but they�ve got Enhanced Model lower halves and a unique Forest Kingdom helmet design.

The same goes for the fourth and final wave. They�re all again Medium Bipeds, but the two Level 80 spear wielding ones have horns and a red scarf along with the Enhanced Model lower half. Meanwhile, the Champion is an Axe type with a red cape

This Level 85 enemy actually comes packing a unique attack as well. Its whirlwind axe spin actually generates a tornado that lingers for a good 10-15 seconds. Even with 14 levels over it, it will still knock off a quarter of 2B�s total HP on contact. It could easily stun lock and kill her had we not equipped the plug-in chip that basically makes our androids invincible for 2-3 seconds after each hit taken to prevent stun-locking.

That aside, even with the power to generate tornados indoors, it�s still just an axe-wielding Medium Biped and YoRHa androids are still completely OP. Or at least... their Pods consistently are pretty drat OP. Same difference, really.

Tune in next time as we reap the benefits of completing the S Rank Match, uncover the sealed back room of the colosseum, witness the game just straight up cheat for a bonus match and perhaps see there�s more to this DLC than just a bunch of combat arenas... Stay tuned.

Video: Gambler�s Colosseum Matches (Probably worth watching.)

Flooded City Concept Art � I�m glad Gr�n�s corpse got squished by one of the Tower�s foundations.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 00:57 on Feb 28, 2018

# ¿ Feb 9, 2018 21:28

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CXLVII: Revealing

What�s this?

This is a piece of �revealing women�s clothing� that humans used to wear. With clothing like this, you have to wonder why they even bothered wearing anything in the first place, eh? That�s humans for ya. Anyway, take it. It�s yours.

Our third and final alternate costume goes to 2B and it is, of course, Kain�s outfit from the original NieR.

I feel like Yoko Taro saw a certain grumbling on the internet from prudes grumbling about seeing 2B�s butt and went �look at this bitch made fuckboi that didn�t play my previous game� resulting in this costume assignment. But that�s not all for rewards. The receptionist has a special bonus for us...

Talk about exciting, by the way! I haven�t seen a battle like that in forever. Hey, you want to see something interesting? Have a look back there. You�ll love it!

The previously barred back room of the Gambler�s Colosseum is now open to our androids. This part seems to have a bit of a different layout than the similar Underground Colosseum of the Forest Zone Battle Bots. Let�s have a closer look.

Music: Broken Heart (Vocal)

Now then... Which one should I choose next?

EEP...!

Ha ha! Stupid machines. Look at �em quaking in their boots or... whatever they have. I love it!

......

These little bastards killed eight of my subordinates! Every Resistance member here lost someone important because of the machines. Some saw their loved ones cut to pieces, others had their friends eaten right in front of their eyes. Do you blame us for getting together in a place like this? I�m thinking of taking a few of these guys and dunking �em in water. Might be fun to watch the sparks fly. A little light-show might be just what the mechanic ordered... Well? You up for it?

Pass.

Aw, come on! Don�t be such an old lump of iron! You didn�t forget your bloodlust when you were trashing these guys earlier, right? Well, this is the same deal. Only difference is whether you kill �em here or kill �em on your missions, you know?

......

Eh, whatever. This is wasted on you. <walks away>

And with the pleasant revelation of the back room torture prison, that concludes the Gambler�s Colosseum sidequest. Pod 042 has some closing remarks for us.

Hypothesis: They have begun to inherit the cruelty inherent in humanity.

...Huh.

There�s another special bit of equipment to be found in this torture dungeon: Emil Bullets.

This is a cosmetic piece of equipment that transforms all energy orbs into Emil heads. That�s it. Sure, why not? Beyond that, there is one more conversation to be had in the Machine Waterboarding quarters or whatever is going on in here.

I�m just a feeble machine, and there�s no way out of this hell for me. So would you mind killing me, please? My family is gone, and I have nothing left of value. I�m tired of having to live through the same nightmare every day.

......

I know this might not sit very well with you... But... could you kill me... Please?

You�re the boss, sparky. Some rando machine lifeform begging for a mercy kill barely registers at this point on the morality decision scale.

Now that we�ve tackled the S Rank match and defeated the colosseum champion, all the NPCs� dialogue have updated with new chatter. So let�s take a victory lap to see what everyone has to say.

It�s been a while since someone cleared the highest rank. You�re gonna be a great hunter, I can tell!

I bought the new Monster Hunter World like a week ago and I�ve gotten like three free hours to actually play it. :smith:

Ever since I found out about this place, I�ve been much more eager to go out and fight. It�s awesome!

Someone else is going to have to dredge up your corpse and deal with the tragic circumstances to your demise later. We�ve got two sidequests left and damned if we�re getting any more before the end.

Some people make fun of this place, but they�re just simple-minded idiots who don�t know what fun is. I feel sorry for �em. Don�t you?

Thanks to you defeating the S Rank champ, he�ll be spending his days in jail for a while. Thanks!

Hm? You�re wondering why this place hasn�t been locked down? The higher-ups ain�t stupid. They know what we�re doing, but they�re turnin� a blind eye. They know that if they don�t give us a chance to let off steam, we�ll end up takin� out our frustrations elsewhere. Besides, some of the money we make here goes directly towards the top. That�s society for ya. You�d better not poke your nose where it don�t belong either, ya hear?

You don�t need to provide more evidence the nebulous android �Command� are kind of huge rear end in a top hat. YoRHa is well appraised of that fact. Well, at least Future 9S is... Right, Nines?

As early mentioned, that one gambler betting big has now vanished following 2B�s victory in the S Rank match. Shouldn�t have bet against the best. Have fun getting your legs broken by YoRHa loan sharks or however that works. But for now, let�s head back to the stands.

You think you could maybe try again and send some bullets my way? Please?

Fantastic! Thanks to you, the former champion has been taken down a notch. He won�t be acting so tough anymore now, I bet.

WOOOOOOW! You actually beat the champ!? Un-friggin-believable!

Wow, I never thought you�d beat the champ! I should�ve put my money on you... Next time I�m definitely betting on you, so lemme know when your next match is, �kay?

Bwahaha! The elation, oh the elation! I�m so elated right now!

Well at least someone is having ~~fun~~ elation here.

Androids must be starving for entertainment more than I thought.

So you beat the champion, huh? I thought fortune was on his side for sure... Well, looks like you were lucky, and he wasn�t. End of story.

Looks like you took down the champ, huh? I was sure he was gonna get 100 victories and escape this place, but there you go... Just goes to show that no one can escape their destiny, be they android or machine.

I don�t think you�ll disagree that us androids have plenty of reasons to kick the crap outta the machines after all they�ve done to us, right? That said, most people here don�t even care about revenge. They�re just here to kill. I�m getting the impression they�d slaughter anything put in front of �em, be it machine or something else. On the other hand, there�s lot of people here who gain the energy to keep on livin� every day as well. I dunno whether we�re all doin� the right thing, or if we�re all just completely deranged...

Perhaps the answer is somewhere in the middle. Or both sides are assholes? I�m just saying I haven�t seen a machine lifeform torture dungeon for androids. At most they�ve made belts out of their flayed corpses and the last time that happened was ages ago.

I warned you about the yelling, bro. I told you, dawg...

I new NPC has appeared in the top right corner of the stands � the Resistance Secretary. She gives us the option to fight an unknown opponent.

Unfortunately, we do not have an appointment to participate in such a battle. Perhaps we�ll come back here when the rest of the DLC is completed. Oh yes, there�s more to go. For instance, we have the obligatory incredible bullshit special rank match of the arena. And this one blows the other two right out of the water.

This is meant to test your actual skills, so your auto-chips will be disabled. This is your chance to show the world what you�re truly made of! Care to join the fray?

The Special Rank Match has a Level 99 recommendation. Yeah... That�s one way to put it. Let�s take a quick look...

Alright, then I think you�re ready to face the next challenge! This is the ultimate, completely insane battle! Can you overcome the odds!? Ready? Fight!

Music: Grandma (Destruction)

So you know how Level 99 is the level cap? Yeah... gently caress that noise, says this Special Rank match. We�re gonna throw hundreds of enemies at you that break the level cap. By a minimum of 31 Levels! Meaning you could do this match on Easy at Level 99 with every health and damage resistant Plug-in chip on the planet equipped and absolutely everything will still one-shot our androids while they barely do any damage. There�s a reason there�s an hour long time limit as opposed to the 20 minute ones the previous two special fights had.

I�m sure some insane person has beaten this Special Match legitimately. I am not that person. As this is not just a four round wave of extremely hard enemies. Oh no. It�s twenty wave trial against nothing but Level 130+ Enhanced Model versions of enemies with zero breaks or checkpoints.

With a special boss fight every fifth wave against �Unknown� bosses. Well what does that mean, you ask?

Why Shade/Gestalt versions of previous bosses, of course? Yeah, they snuck some Shades in the basically impossible special rank match. There�s nothing special about them other than being ridiculously strong and having the same coloring as Shades from the original NieR. The fifth round drops off a Shade Tank.

The tenth round offers up a Shade Simone who can summon Enhanced Goliath Bipeds to help out during battle.

Round fifteen has a Shade ...SomethingorOther-Shi. I could barely keep those things straight when they weren�t black and gold spectral versions.

The final twentieth round of this special arena where literally everything will one shot you has a special match against a Shade version of both Adam and Eve at the same time. Now see, that seems like it�d be a cool match. We never got to do something like that in the base game. Too bad it�s hidden behind a wall of impossible madness.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

A couple rewards are given if you use Debug mode to actually complete this thing because bull-loving-poo poo you did it legit. The first reward is the same hair dye colors we�ve already received, just with the saturation turned up to maximum. OK... Anything better...? That�s not really doing it.

Oh! Of course! Special fruit that will de-level your characters by 10 Levels. I... Excuse me...!? Why would you...? But that... I...

You know what? I�m loving out! I�m done with this DLC. The entire Flooded City can sink to the ocean floor for all I care.

Music: ENDS

To consider someone a friend... Is to consider someone else your enemy.

Perhaps this is what is meant by the emotion called �discrimination.�

An emotion that seems to consume me as I speak...

Music: Rays of Light

Wait, what? No. We�re done with the DLC. We did the three combat arenas. Now we can go do the last couple of sidequests and then finally finish the LP. What are you even doing to me now, Pod?

Tch. FINE! There�s an Access Point just on the other side of the Flooded City. Maybe it�s just another dumb Council of Humanity notification. We are back in Route A right now.

...Goddammit.

They seem to indicate a location underneath the amusement park ruins. Marking it on the map.

The amusement park... ruins?

So begins the actual final part of the DLC � the Mysterious Invitation.

Fine... We�ll go see what this all is about. After we change 2B back to something more respectable. Kain� you were a great character and all... but you dressed like a goddamn embarrassing idiot.

Music: Amusement Park (Vocal)

One final trek to the Amusement Park zone. Now hearing it is beneath the Amusement Park, if you thought they meant that elevator down to the former Umbrella Labs and the Game Programmer�s lair over in the castle basement. But you�d be mistaken.

Actually, a new path has opened up just off the main street with an unearthed elevator being attended by a lone machine lifeform.

The game requests we save before entering. Due to reasons... That�s not... ominous or anything. You guys like actually tested this DLC before shipping it right? I have my doubts after seeing that last Special Rank match...

I�d really liked to have made a save on a different slot. But whatever... Let�s do this thing.

This isn�t ominous at all... No sir... Just a giant eerily lit scrap pile. We�ve seen plenty of those.

...And another creepy array of static filled CRT TVs and antennas piled into a tower. Well, tune in next time fo�

Video: Episode 147 Highlight Reel

2B Kain� Costume Render � I like to think she�s rolling her eyes extremely hard beneath that mask.

Kain� Artwork � My back hurts just looking at this pose.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 00:54 on Feb 28, 2018

# ¿ Feb 10, 2018 23:29

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they chu. Happy 20th birthday, Xenogears.

# ¿ Feb 11, 2018 21:08

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Should have the next update up tomorrow. But in the meantime I might have asked my son to draw that one Caim picture and well... that kid is OK:

# ¿ Feb 14, 2018 19:44

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

I feel like this is all important lore too:
https://twitter.com/TheDarkId/status/963522668917075970
https://twitter.com/TheDarkId/status/963532555923394561
https://twitter.com/TheDarkId/status/963573077752909830

# ¿ Feb 14, 2018 21:37

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CXLVIII: Failure in Motor Functions

Alright... it might be a month late to start on that New Year�s resolution of getting fit. But it�s better late than never. Let�s start with some light jogging and then some lif�oh, wait... Wrong file. Ehm... We�re given a loading screen with some limited options. Only one, in fact. I hope you like this faux-monitor frame effect cuz it�s not going away!

Gonna be real, most mornings lately I�m definitely having a 12% deficiency in thought circuits as well. I�ve got to get my sleep cycle back on track. Dragging something fierce.

Activation approved. 3... 2... 1... Activating Plato.

Head to Room 18 immediately for your motor functions examination. That is all.

Meet our new player character: Plato 1728. He was actually the narrator in all of those storybook segments we�ve been seeing at the conclusion of the three colosseum trials. It�s probably hard to tell from screenshots alone but he is clearly pretty jacked. He�s vibrating and shaking more than the standard machine lifeform, sparking on various parts of his body at regular intervals and one of his eyes can�t seem to keep lit. I�m sure it�s fine.

We�re tasked with going to this Room 18 for testing on our clearly compromised motor functions. And we could do that right away and end this segment in about five minutes. But there are a ton of machine lifeforms hanging out that we can and should chat with before resuming our duties. Let�s take a look...

Tests don�t indicate any abnormalities in his visual circuits, so I have no clue what�s up with him.

(Dreamer Machine) Good morning, Plato 1728. Today�s the day of your activation then, is it? Say, I�ve been seeing these weird images while in sleep mode recently. It�s almost as if I�m actually not asleep. The images are different every time; sometimes they�re fun, sometimes they�re sad. I ever had an experience where I turned into a human being! I wonder where all this miraculous imagery comes from... Have you ever had the same thing happen to you?

Well... there was this one time in a strange forest where I suddenly entered sleep mode and everything turned to text. Oddest thing, I tell ya... When I told others about it their opinions were divisive. Seems the duller folks I knew had a similar experience but it was a scene of trying to fish on a pier but it was somehow the wrong pier. There was a giant red X telling them where the right pier was... but they couldn�t manage it. Then they woke up and complained on the network. Weird stuff, man... Weird stuff.

Same. While this is a Machine on a Break, it is not the Machine on a Break -- future party member of NieR 3. There�s actually a number of �Machine on a Break� designated boys loafing about today.

Plato 1728, you�re especially janky, so take good care of yourself, ya hear?

Janky is a word I�m getting sick of hearing when referring to video games with questionable mechanics or buggy elements but... it�s kind of the best descriptor word there is for it. Such is the limits of human communication.

Heading on out, we�ve got some stairs leading down and a dead end to the right. If you cannot tell, we�re in a previously unseen section of the Abandoned Factory. Though, at this point in time it�s just a Factory. Fully functional and staffed by tons of machines. Not that the present day version wasn�t lousy with robot boys. It�s just the whole use of it as a production line seemed to have ceased.

You�re dumber than the rest, so you watch your step, okay?

......

I feel sorry for you flightless units. Legs are so useless.

You say that, but it�s the same sort of issue with flying cars. Yeah, it�d be rad if you had it and all. But do you really want every other dipshit out there to have access to a flying automobile too? People can barely handle four wheels and a linear road.

Anyway, down the stairs we go, vaguely towards our destination...

I wonder what�s in there...

Ehh... that�s just the Machine Illuminati building. It�s no big deal. Just a bunch of pretentious old machines playing at running the world.

Continuing onward, poor Plato 1728 has a complete motor function failure, resulting in the machine becoming stunned for about 5-10 seconds. This randomly happens the duration of this segment of the DLC. Little bit annoying but it goes a long way to show our machine lifeform pal here is extremely jacked and we should probably get on with our mission. But nah... More talking!

Feels like you�re being sucked in, doesn�t it?

With Plato�s current athletic abilities, I doubt he could make the jump. Moving on!

If I don�t do well enough, I�m gonna get demoted again. Urrrgh, just thinking about it makes my core hurt... You�re as clumsy as I am, so you understand the feeling, right?

Encouraging Machine Don�t get yourself all worked up. It�s just training. Just relax and loosen your bolts a bit.

Now I�m just imaging some rando Stubby hopping out with a chip on its shoulder, followed by a freeze frame and a Yakuza nameplate appearing showing its name and rank.

Nah. Just exhausting dialog and occasionally having our legs stop functioning. We�ll be sure to hit up that Mako Reactor core looking rear end looking area when we�re done poking around.

Like checking out this back room fight club. Turns out machines had been getting into blood sports long before Adam came along and gentrified it all with his bullshit.

Ah crap. I don�t think Plato is going to be entering the squared circle anytime soon... Just a moment. He�ll get it together shortly.

Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! KILL!

Intrigued Machine Lots of machines from around here are coming over to watch the combat training sessions. I figured I�d have a look as well, but I don�t see the appeal at all. Anyway, everyone knows that YOU need the training, so start gearing up!

Hard pass. Battle Arenas are a stupid idea. Who�d want to do those? You just fight waves of guys for middling rewards? Absurd waste of time and resources.

Let�s head back out and continue onward down the path leading up to an assembly line. A few machines are hanging out here at the moment. Sup, guys?

Everything makes us freak out, pretty much.

Given the programming of all the machine lifeforms, I�m starting to suspect the aliens were all anxiety riddled depressed jerks.

Our victory is nigh!

Child Machine Wow, that weapon sure is big! I wonder how many of me would fit in there?

Machine on a Break Ugh. I�m too tired to even move. We�re way understaffed! The guys at the top have no idea how hard this work is. I hope we can get this thing up and running before the next big battle...

It�s not made clear internally when the Plato records are meant to take place. But if we look back at the Machine Examination sidequest and the Engels 110-B Record � this all likelihood is that Engels (there is an official timeline of events which 100% lines up with that one being one of the first four of Engels ever constructed.) Which means this is taking place in 11943 -- so two years after A2�s bogus adventure/the formation of YoRHa and two before the events of NieR: Automata. He'll be finished February 14th. Have a fun crunch the next two weeks!

Moving right along, there�s only one staircase and an interior structure left to explore before it�s off to the test chamber. No sense in waiting around.

.........It�s kinda fun, actually.

Melancholic Machine I�m so tired of working... I just feel like jumping down from here.

The heck is going on back there that has all of you so burnt out?

I... well... That�s new. A complete din of machines furiously chattering and typing on computer consoles fills this room. They seem real busy. So let�s do the most natural thing to do in an RPG and bug absolutely everyone. Yes. Everyone. Every last machine in this room has unique dialogue.

Relatable.

Don�t talk to me. I�m trying to concentrate.

Why do we have to work?

This is apparently the control center for machine lifeforms� combat operations. Distinct lack of skin tight leather outfits and cat pictures in this work environment. That cannot be good for morale... Unless otherwise noted, all of these machines are just named �Operator Machine�.

I have a feeling my vision has deteriorated because of staring at monitors all day, so I�m thinking of getting glasses. Problem is though, I don�t want to make too much of a SPECTACLE of myself. Pfffffffhehehe. This is what humans call a �pun,� a high-level communication technique. I read in an old book that people who are proficient at puns used to be revered as divine messengers. I like the sound of that!

......

I don�t want to make a spectacle of myself by putting on glasses... Hehehe. Spectacle... So good...

I cannot believe machine lifeforms got their hands on historical records of Geop.

Oh geez... Aww heck. Not now in front of everyone. First the fight club and now the game dev crun�I mean command center. This is getting to be embarrassing.

We haven�t been able to properly stock up on supplies for months. It�s all because of this giant weapon we�re building.

Don�t think, don�t think, whatever you do, don�t think... That�s right, just keep moving your hands, don�t stop to think...

Squad 17, please respond. It�s no use... There�s too much static, and I can�t hear a single thing.

I�ve heard rumors there�s a Resistance camp somewhere in the city. We should really find out its exact location.

The air in this room is terrible.

I�m getting so sick of everyone complaining all the drat time. Grow up and do your job, geez.

OK. For meteorite go talk to the Scientist Machine on the edge of the Amusement Park ruins. The Resistance Camp is to the southeast of the city under the giant tarps with the androids coming in and out constantly. The rest of you? On your own.

Yes, please rendezvous with Delta Squad when you�re done.

I wish this war would end already.

I feel like I�m about to overheat...

Bub, we�re crackling with raw electrical charges from within our body constantly. I don�t even want to hear it about overheating.

And then this goes here... And voila! Perfect!

When I�m done with this, I need to arrange the supplies, then contact the ground troops, and then... I don�t think I�ll be going home today.

.........I�m busy......... Leave me alone.

Plato just needs to hit up some dinky test chamber and he has the rest of the day off. Sure, his life is complete suffering on the physical level. But no twelve hour work days!

Better hurry, or you�ll get another earful. Good luck!

A large android squad has been sighted at the flooded city. All nearby units should proceed with caution.

Second platoon, move out!

My superiors are assholes, my job sucks, my colleagues are useless. This place is the pits.

�Someone has a case of Mondays,� the operator machine was told just before ripping out its co-worker�s core and stabbing it 18 times in a blood rage.

Just one of them can wipe out multiple machine troops.

Geez, this stupid terminal froze on me AGAIN.

Did you try turning it on and off. This applies to both the terminal and YoRHa androids.

Just when I thought I was done working, there was another pile of tasks waiting for me...

We�ve had a lot of deserters recently. We really should start doing something.

The Forest Kingdom was established over a century ago. Y�all are really taking time moving the bureaucracy to deal with AWOL machines through the pipeline, huh?

Our electricity bill is through the roof this month! Some units are particularly wasteful, it seems. I�ll have to give them a warning.

I�ve heard that something called �religion� is gaining popularity in some districts.

We�re so understaffed, it�s ridiculous.

Welp, looks like I�ll be working through the night again today...

I like the idea there�s some power plant AI out there built by the humans that is still sending power bills to addresses and the machines are having to scrounge up remaining scraps of old currencies to keep the lights on.

We have to do something about these YoRHa troops...

We�ve lost contact with so many troops. We don�t even know if they got destroyed or just deserted.

It must be real hosed for the machines to essentially be crappy Terminators dealing with the scrappy human resistance in the flash forward sequences for thousands of years. Then suddenly one day a crazy anime cyborg runs in like a lunatic and Zandatsus your entire company, Red Hot Kicks all your support vehicles into pieces and dashes off into the night. Seemingly while blindfolded the entire time.

If being burnt out tired was all it took to become a god then start calling me Yahweh.

Corporate leadership... Corporate leadership never changes.

I�ll be going home in a minute, but you�ll be staying here for the night. You know that, right?

I�m sorry! I�m so sorry! I�m behind schedule by about a week...

Middle management. The one constant throughout the eons.

This dude knows what�s up. Heed his sage like advice.

Anyway, let�s get back on track with our original mission. Plato needs to double back and cross the bridge near the mysterious geometric structure. There�s a last couple of machines to chat with along the way.

I guess this is how I was born too, huh?

Manufactured... Born... Sure. There are much weirder ways. Don�t ever look up how humans used to do it. Bizarre poo poo.

I�m sure you�ll do just peachy, you clunky piece of junk! Bwahahaha!

Little dude, there�s a flight of stairs right over there. Don�t make Plato start you rolling. Guy is having a rough enough day as it is. Cheeky Stubby aside, let�s head on in for...

Starting examination of motor functions. Move to the location highlighted by the marker within the allotted time. Commencing examination.

We�ve now got a real dumb little trial. We need to move Plato to markers that appear around the room. Seems easy enough. Except for the part where we need to do platforming with a janky Medium Biped machine. That�d be tricky alone.

Now couple this with the fact Plato�s motor functions will randomly break down mid-trial.

More frequently than ever before, in fact. Say... every 10-20 seconds he�ll be stunned and locked down for a good 5+ seconds. That�s not great for a timed platforming trial.

Ultimately, Plato is unable to scrape by in his examination. But that�s OK. He�ll get a second chance.

You�ll get it this time, buddy! You were probably just nervous. It happens. And causes the complete breakdown of all motor functions for 5.8 seconds.

This time around there are far more target areas that appear at once. So Plato has way more of a chance to succeed. There actually is a 15 target threshold to pass in order to complete this segment. It�s not just a scripted fail beyond the first time where he has zero shot of winning. This uhh... ain�t great gameplay. But that�s not really what we�re here for... Though come to think of it... didn't Blade Wolf's DLC in Metal Gear Rising also have crappy box platforming stuff? Is this just Platinum's DLC thing?

Half-way through the timer, Plato will start busting up again. The ring targets also will begin appearing and vanishing more frequently. For balancing purposes, you see. Wouldn�t want to make the trial too easy and have some half-assed machines out there. They did that once and now there�s a model that is just stacked eight body segments tall and just stares. That�s it all does. I hear they dumped them in the desert as psychological warfare against the androids.

Once Plato does get the minimum of targets, they�ll begin appearing and vanishing just out of range of Plato to the point he�ll almost never get any. It�s kinda frustrating if you don�t know it�s intentional. Sure, just throw more last minute trolling. I don�t know why I don�t constantly expect it at this point.

Results: Extremely poor. Measures must be taken before the next examination. That is all.

Hypothesis: These are past records of a machine lifeform.

Records of a machine?

Report: New records have appeared. Proposal: Gather more information.

Video: Episode 148 Highlight Reel

Plato 1728 Art � Maybe he just needs a good scrubbing off? Why you all gotta leave that poor boy so dirty?

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 04:29 on Mar 11, 2018

# ¿ Feb 19, 2018 20:49

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CXLIX: Combat Data

June 3rd. HEY! Those Engels� development ought to be done by now. Morale should be up, right? Let�s dive back in!

Hey. Plato 1728 might still be mad jacked. Warning.

Remember how in the base game where 9S was repairing himself or dealing with others in Hacking Space and the landscape being a weird blocky mess was shorthand for poo poo being hosed? So this is the first node for Plato...

I tend to do poorly at everything.

I can�t keep up with the rest.

And yet I have to fight.

Because I�m a weapon made for combat.

And we�re back in it. Plato is now tasked with taking on a Level 25 Stubby. Plato himself is Level 28. Since this DLC stuff is completely separate from the main game and thus our current level is not reflected. So this match should go in Plato�s favor.

Good work, Plato! You defeated the terrible reign of the regional champ tiny tot. You�re being too hard on yourself.

We�re now jumping up to a Level 27 Small Biped. That could be a slightly trickier task. Remember our axe wielding friend that carried us through most all of the Underground Colosseum. Small fellas can be dangerous.

But I�m sure Plato has got this. He�s still an entire weight class above the chal�

...Oh. Err. So the Medium Biped scored a direct hit to Plato's nuts, taking him out completely. Nevermind.

Don�t get discouraged, big guy. Small guy are a wily lot. Now we�ve got an even match up against another Medium Biped. Sure, it�s got an entire level on you. But you should know that only starts mattering 5+ Levels either direction. Go get �em, tiger.

Hell yeah! Give �em that haymaker. Don�t stop now. Press the advantage! gently caress him up, Socrates!

Ergh!?

...

......

...Me arm�s come off.

OK. As it turns out, Medium Bipeds only know how to throw right hooks. So that was problematic. What with the arm that came off and all.

Surely there is time to get some duct tape and sort that out. Or barring that, just find a spare gun arm. There must be a machine lifeform over in Accounting that isn�t using theirs today.

...Or his arm can remain off and he can get thrown in the deep end against a Goliath Biped. That seems fair and good training. Why don�t you just have the next match in the depths of the ocean or dropped from a rocket and reentering earth�s atmosphere while fighting a Goliath Flyer.

That went about as well as expected...

OK. Over seven hours of downtime. Plato�s arm must have been reattached and now it�s a comeback tour for the machine.

G-Guys... his arm... You forgot to reattach his arm... As well as give him a proper opponent. Which is fair. An extremely slow stomping attack isn�t really gonna get the job done. So if he can just skip this ro�

...Oh. We�re just going to flood the room with suicide bomber units, huh? It�s almost as though you don�t even want poor Plato to succeed.

Plato 1728. Results are exceedingly poor. Immediate recovery is required.

Report: New records have appeared.

Let�s see what they say.

Tune in next time for the conclusion of Plato 1728�s story. Sort of... Look, it's complicated.

Video: Episode 149 Highlight Reel

Plato 1728 Art � Sometimes you just need to take a breather after getting your rear end handed to you for a third of the day...

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 17:47 on Feb 24, 2018

# ¿ Feb 24, 2018 17:19

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CL: Deserving of Life

A third and final entry has appeared in the terminal logs. Hey, would you look at that? September 27th. Jill Valentine slapped on the least reasonable outfit she could find and began her escape from Raccoon City 9945 years ago.

<typing> I�m busting my can doing overtime every single day. Well, that wraps up all of the record keeping for this place.

......

Ummm... Where was I supposed to go next again? Oh yeah, the server room. Ugggh... That place is so stuffy. I hate it there.

We�re no longer controlling Plato 1728. Instead, this Level 36 Stubby is our new player character. We find ourselves back in the same room where Plato began in the first log. Our ultimate goal is a server in the command center on the far side of the area. We could head straight there. But of course, we�re going to gab with everyone on the way first. Maybe we can find out where Plato went...

Who knew Plato 1728 had such special powers in him though, huh?

Oh ...Could you elaborate on that, bud? No? Busy typing in that console. OK... Well, let�s see if we can get more info here.

He became so obsessed with these images that he started spending more and more time in sleep mode every day. Then, after that big battle the other day, he said �I�m staying in the other world,� and he never woke up again. I wonder if he�s ever going to reactivate...

......

He lost so many of his friends during that battle the other day... Maybe despair drove him to live in that other world of his.

I�ve felt that some days lately. Still, I feel like we missed something big. Let�s continue our investigation.

We�re expected to work 20 hours a day now...

I get the feeling this guy is spending 18.5 hours sitting on his butt and complaining about having to sit so long. This is no help. Let�s head on outside.

I don�t wanna think about how long I�m gonna have to hover around here. Maybe I should attach a legged unit... NO! My pride won�t allow it!

Never give up your principles. Standing there all day wouldn�t be any better. What you need is a chair, my dude. Or... just land? You kind of have a built in chair. Look, I don�t know how that works. Our guy barely has legs.

That building... It�s exactly what us lifeless creatures have longed for!

Ah... That explains everything about that mysterious building they keep focusing the camera on. I understand everything now. Doesn�t get it at all.

It�s never really come up before, but Stubby�s fast means of motion is to turn around and do a back step repeated Alucard in Symphony of the Night style. That said, we�re just going to idle here for a moment because...

A Goliath Flyer floats by in the background. But that�s not the interesting part. If we wait for it to rise, we see...

It�s carrying or old pal the Engels away on an adventure. A murder adventure. The best kind if you�re in a Yoko Taro game, really. But that�s not all. If we continue waiting...

There�s in fact four Engels being transported in the background. Last month these guys got deployed for the first time against the androids forces (in the Philippines apparently?) resulting in 11,345 dead androids. So they�re probably getting a lot of work these days. At least until YoRHa starts manufacturing Flight Units... Just a fun detail. Let�s move on.

I�ll... be going there... soon... too...

Not sure if that would be wise, machine. But you do you.

I can�t do this! I don�t want to be part of this war anymore!

(Encouraging Machine) This guy got promoted after his training the other day, so he got sent to the battlefield for the first time. But then he had to witness Plato going insane with his own eyes, and he�s been like this ever since. I wasn�t there, so I don�t know much about what happened. Was it really that terrifying?

So it seems our old pal Plato 1728 lost his poo poo, had some manner of special power despite being otherwise held together with duct tape and proceeded to murder poo poo out of half the machines in the region so hard that they�re now learning the concept of PTSD. And I bet you thought he was just the mean-spirited punching bag of this story.

Who the gently caress taught this machine about the concept of a senpai? I hope Plato annihilated them in his insane purge alongside whatever anime DVDs it had acquired.

I just started working here today, and they put me in charge of guidance and traffic regulation! Lookin� forward to workin� with ya, Senpai! This place is like a maze, so the management department is being flooded with complaints! Now that I�m here though, you�ll have nothing to worry about!

I will never take notice of you again, degenerate. You�re my least favorite machine. Let�s go check out the ~~fight club~~ combat training area and forget that regrettable incident ever occurred.

<fist pump> Go! Take them apart! I don�t want to see a single bolt remain!

<spin> Don�t hold back! Your life�s on the line!

How could anyone want to be in a place like this after facing so many horrors and losing so many loved ones?

Look, it could be way worse. At least they�re not involved in some underground Russian Roulette tournament. What�s that...? Oh that room is over in Block D? Yeah... yeah that checks out. Carry on. Let�s head back out and continue our conversational tour.

No matter how much everyone made fun of him, he never spoke ill of anyone. And yet I... I... I�m sorry, Plato 1728...

Yeah, that Plato boy was real quiet. Kept to himself mostly. I can�t believe he�d do something like this. Real shocking stuff. That aside, the motor skill testing facility is now an optional area. So let�s scout that first.

Old units get destroyed, new ones get made... It�s as if they�re being created just to be demolished again...

Welcome to the endless meat grinder of the forever war.

He�s been nothing but a pain for everyone. We shoulda gotten rid of him ages ago! Why are they even making his models anymore!?

Look, maybe Plato 1729 won�t go berserk and TK half his team. You never know! And if he does, I�m sure the N2 Server is collecting valuable combat data. Or laughing their asses off. They�re kind of dicks. It could go either way.

I have to make up for holding all of my team mates back during the last match. I�m gonna get a promotion and protect everyone!

Ron Howard Narrator Voice: He didn�t. And died.

Screw the human that invented chairs, seriously.

......

I have made it my life�s goal to rid this planet of chairs.

......

Are you with me, comrade!?

I�m now picturing that office copier scene from Office Space but it�s a bunch of Stubbies and an office chair.

I�m sure we�re gonna be best friends!

(Observing Machine) There were some problems during development, so unfortunately the weapon was not ready in time. Once it is complete though, I�m sure it�ll help us save the lives of many of our friends.

(Enthusiastic Machine) Those cruel, disgusting androids completely annihilated all of our units, even the non-combat types! This is unforgivable! As soon as this weapon is complete, I will make them kneel before us! I will make them beg for their lives, before ripping them to shreds!!

(Machine on a Break) It feels like we�re getting busier every single day. We�ve put so much effort into this thing. I don�t even wanna think about the possibility of the androids destroying it...

I�ve got some bad news for you, guy... I know of a couple androids that have destroyed like eight of these things. In fact, they�re watching a recording of you right now!

It feels good to live such a rich and busy life!

...Dude you�ve been sitting here since February.

To complete this section the DLC, we simply need to find our Stubby�s terminal in this bustling room. But that won�t do as every single machine in here has new unique dialog. Let�s run through the paces here. Starting with...

I�ve been getting a lot of complaints from the employees about our working conditions lately, bunch of whiners. If we cared about our worker�s happiness, we would�ve called this place a SATISFACTORY. Pfffffffhehehe.

One day we�re gonna walk in here and the machine lifeforms will have discovered memes. Like mid-00s memes. One will think �All Your Base Are Belong to Us� was humanity�s humor apex. That will be a dark day indeed.

Whoever wielded these weapons was assured victory. I wonder how one goes about obtaining them...

What could possibly be worth this much effort?

Time for the machines produced on a factory line to themselves seize the means of production.

If we can somehow harness that anger, we might be able to defeat the YoRHa troops.

Squad 13. Please respond. We have lost contact with Squad 14. Head over to their location to provide backup immediately.

Frankly, things haven�t been looking good for us lately. We have to find the enemy camp, and fast.

People who complain about their jobs will end up complaining about everything, no matter what they do. It all comes down to getting your feelings under control, you know?

People in the old world used spies to gather information, but androids and machines looks so different, it would never work.

I used to hate the air in this room, but I�ve spent so much time here that I�ve kind of grown to like it!

We�ve suffered so many losses during the great battle that I can�t keep track of all the data.

I�ve given up thinking on things. All I care about is work. Yes sirree, work and nothing else. Love it.

Healthy work environment on the machine lifeform side of things. Not sure if it�s running better or worse than the laissez-faire high school teenager gossip vibe of YoRHa. Considering the Bunker eventually explodes and this place is an abandoned husk in modern day... maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle.

Together, we�re generating enough heat to burn a small planet!

I�ve heard that something called �religion� is gaining popularity in some districts. Apparently there�s a �Grace� who�s been chosen by �God�?

Hello, can you hear me? Dammit, we lost contact with this squad too. I can�t remember the last time we suffered this many losses.

I was thinking of converting to a combat model, but then I read the report on the great battle, and I was like �Nope nope nope.�

Some machines learn quicker than others on when to nope out of situations. And then some go and form a death cult. It�s a rich tapestry of culture.

Don�t you ever wonder why bugs exist in the first place? Figuring that one out must be the path to true enlightenment.

The whole Plato 1728 incident has caused massive losses to both us and the enemy. There�s no one left there! On top of that, I have to deal with this confusing data. I have no idea what�s going on anymore.

Don�t talk to people when they�re busy. It�s common sense at any workplace, really.

Oh, poo poo? Word? Hey what�s that guy up to?

Personally, I can�t blame him. Something must have set him off somehow. I think everyone�s just reluctant to face the truth.

We lost a squad near the forest area. I need a reconnaissance team out there, stat! Be advised that enemies have been spotted in the vicinity. Proceed with caution.

I�ve got tons of work to do, just because that jerk decided to go haywire.

Bloody pacifists. They�re using the great battle from the other day as an excuse to recruit members! The mere thought of making friends with those vile androids makes me want to retch!

Now who would go and do something like recruiting machines to a pacifistic viewpoint? Next thing you�re going to tell me they�ve formed a village. Then that village burned to the ground. And all the children in it committed suicide after learning the concept of fear. And the pacifist leader gathered their parts and started selling them to androids for a nominal fee. That�s a really massive set of conclusions to jump to out of nowhere, my dude.

I hope they don�t mass-produce these units, because we�d be screwed.

This drat terminal always freezes on me RIGHT when I�m about to complete a task.

Remember to always save your work often.

And now that the other guy�s the boss, he�s doing the exact same things that made him hate his former boss so much. I used to think your personality was innate, but now I think it�s heavily influenced by how much power you wield.

(Former Boss Machine) I�m sorry. I don�t think I can finish all of my work before the end of the day.

(Former Subordinate Machine) Hey, remember how you used to talk all big to me until recently? Well, don�t worry about it. After all, you�ve got about 20 hours until starting time tomorrow, right?

The circle of corporate life continues.

Now this is solid advice and all but... I don�t see it working that well with machine lifeforms. Maybe just turn your eye lights red and half open their slots? I dunno. Have fun with your old TV set and CRT monitor fort, though.

How many lives do you think have been lost in this battle? Is there no road to peace!? Sorry. I�m just rambling. Forget what I said.

We�ve had a lot of deserters since the great battle. It�s enough of a pain in the rear to maintain a list of all units as it is. I wish they�d at least tell us if they were bailing.

Seeing the work conditions here, I wouldn�t give my two weeks� notice either. Seems more of a wake up in the morning, go NOPE, return to sleep and wait for them to mail you your final paycheck.

I haven�t had a rest in 6 days! Pretty impressive, huh? I�m completely exhausted though.

I haven�t been home in 4 days!

One of my friends is really into this thing called �religion.� Maybe I should go to one of their seminars.

I�ve been getting a lot of requests for repairs of borrowed weapons. I�m thinking of making this month�s motto �Take care of your weapons so they can take care of you!�

Stop talking to me...

.........I don�t even have time to move my mouth.

I don�t even know whether we�re working to live or living to work anymore.

I�m pretty sure it�s the latter. World�s a gently caress.

Hmph. How are we gonna stop all these troops form deserting? I know! I�ll just give �em more work so they won�t have time to escape or even THINK of escaping!

...............

Oh, sorry. I had my sound sensors turned off because this room is so drat noisy. I quite recommend it!

I wish my ears had that function. I mean apart from turning up music so loud on headphones until I go deaf. But that�d sting so meh.

In any case, that�s about everyone chatted with now. Our terminal is here in this row. The one with the big red arrow over it. I�m sure somehow there�s someone out there that still managed to get lost and had to bitch online that they couldn�t find the end of the DLC. Never underestimate the stupidity of man. Clicking on this will bring us to the final sequence of the DLC.

Oh yeah. I remember. That�s the guy who went haywire.

And thus concludes Plato 1728�s story... A special video now unlocks.

Music Video: Amazarashi - Deserving of Life :siren:

(You should probably watch this. It�s the end of the DLC.) :siren:

Following that, we get a credit roll for the Ending DLC...

...and the completion of the fourth and final DLC sidequest.

From there we�re given the option to save the game and then dumped back to the main menu. Now there is one tiny bonus unlocked for completing the DLC that we�ll check next time. But beyond that... I need to go grind out 4% more unit unlocks for that one remaining sidequest. And then it�s just the final substory before Endings D and E come back-to-back.

We�re almost at the end of NieR: Automata... For real this time. Stay tuned.

Video: Episode 150 Highlight Reel (Note: This doesn't include the music video because Square-Enix will get extremely mad and block the thing immediately if it were included.)

Hey, Plato finally made some friends. Things are looking up for the poor guy. Even if everyone else is making fun of him for playing with dolls.

Oh no! Plato�s friends! By the way, Plato 1728 was equipped with a module that lets him merge with other machines to become a giant gently caress-off Trash Voltron machine demigod. It�s just nobody told him... Or anyone where he was assigned... So they just had him doing jumping challenges and punching things when he was supposed to be absorbing bio-machine mass. Whoops!

Well, they won�t make that mistake again! Probably... Just ignore the fact this isn't even the first time they made a superweapon machine and it immediately went berserk and destroyed thousands of them.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Feb 27, 2018

# ¿ Feb 26, 2018 21:51

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CLI: My Immersion...

Music: Vague Hope - Spring Rain

OK. Maybe we�re not quite done with the DLC. Perhaps there is a lingering 5% that only unlocks after we�ve completed Plato�s story. As soon as we load the game back up, we�re dumped at the nearest Access Point and our android of choice receives an email. We�ll we�re right here, so let�s take a look.

So in case you were wondering, it was Plato 1728 sending all of those messages leading us to the DLC colosseums and here. He�s still hooked up to some machine somewhere, unable to do anything because he�s mad dangerous if he ever got out and was pissed again. Bummer.

Our reward for completing Plato�s sidequest is this icon which can... somehow... be loaded into the jukebox back at the Resistance Camp to listen to all of the �unique� tracks from the DLC. Vague Hope (Spring Rain) the only actual new track is on the next page. That�s neat, I guess. Kinda wish I knew this was here before I manually mixed the samplings of those myself to get the right results... But hindsight and all that...

We have one final order of business before we are actually done with the DLC. This requires a return visit to the Gambler�s Colosseum back in the Flooded City.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

Remember that weird woman that appeared at the end of this segment, asking if we had an appoint with �You-Know-Who� before we departed? We can now talk to her.

She�ll give us the same dialogue and the conversation ends. Buuuut... now that we�ve sorted out Plato�s business, we can now ask her multiple times and new dialogue may occur. Let�s try that...

I�m sorry. I�m not authorized to make that decision.

......

Okay. I�m going to ask again, because I�m nice: IS there something I can help you with?

Alright, if you insist. But I have to warn you: what you�re about to see may end up destroying your sense of immersion. Are you okay with that?

Are you REALLY super duper sure you want to do this? This is your last chance to back out!

Very well then. Follow me.

Music: Dark Colossus KAIJU (Intro)

<floats to the ground> The name is Yosuke Matsuda. Let�s see what you�re made of, shall we?

DLC Music: Birth of a Wish (CEO) (You should listen to this!)

Behold the final boss of the NieR: Automata DLC � the CEO of Square-Enix. All he does is walk menacingly towards us at first. But that doesn�t persist.

But that doesn�t persist. Soon he unleashes a massive volley of energy filled versions of his head.

Finally, after all these LPs... I finally get to kill you the leadership of Square-Enix. Sure maybe you�re not the one that was at the helm for most of the troubles. I�ll hunt down that fucker Yoichi Wada another day. But you�ll do for now! DIE!

Yosuke Matsuda here is actually a reskin of Adam�s final fight just without all the crazy particle effects and teleportation but with 10x more projectile spamming. All the shields and Tekken rear end looking combos Adam had is also the property of the CEO.

However, since we�ve got 14 Levels on this Level 85 CEO, it�s WAY easier to launch him after dodging an attack and melee countering. Air juggling Square-Enix�s CEO feels pretty good. Gotta say. Maybe this DLC was worth it. A second season pass for Final Fantasy XV? Are you for real, rear end in a top hat?!

That said, once he drops below 66% HP, the battle grinds to a halt as a new challenger enters the ring...

Mind if I join in?

<floats to the ground> Kenichi Sato!

DLC Music: Birth of a Wish (CEO Duet) (You should listen to this!)

Let�s get it on!

Kenichi Sato opens with immediately trying to Shoryuken 2B because of course he would. He can also distract you by having Kamiya block you on Twitter. Sato is way more of a proactive melee guy that will attempt to rush down 2B which Square-Enix�s CEO provides ~~energy orb~~ Powered Yosuke Matsuda Head volleys as support.

The thing is, we only need to take one of these two CEOs. And we�ve already gotten Square-Enix�s CEO down to two-thirds health. On top of that, PlatinumGames hasn�t really wronged me to any notable extent.

Now Square-Enix on the other hand...

...we�ve got some goddamn beef. This here Papa Nier pipe and CEO Yosuke Matsuda�s head quickly got well acquainted. It doesn�t go well for him.

Once one the CEOs are defeated, the two teleport and begin hovering in the center of the room. They have some words for our android. In an increasingly sinister robotic voice filter, to boot...

Allow us to give you a parting gift before we leave though. Hope you like it!

The CEOs� parting gift is an explosion of energy resulting in an intense rain of homing CEO Head energy bullets. Despite 2B being Level 99 and these foes being Level 85, these energy shots still hurt surprisingly bad. Like a quarter of 2B�s HP bad.

Our only recourse here is to just run and hope we don�t get hit. Thankfully, we�ve got the anti-chain damage (cannot get stunlocked) plug-in chip installed or else taking a glowing middle aged Japanese man�s head to the face would almost certainly result in a quick death.

After a 30 second trial of avoiding headbutts from disembodied Japanese businessmen heads, the CEO of Square-Enix and PlatinumGames burst with energy and explode. I�d expect no different end from two men crazy enough to greenlight a sequel to NIER.

Music: Gambling Colosseum

It has been greatly entertaining to watch you fight at peak performance. Here�s a little gift for you as token of our appreciation.

And here are the final rewards for the DLC of NieR: Automata. The Record: CEO is just a CD that can be used in the Resistance Camp jukebox to listen to the Birth of a Wish (CEO) song. Both versions are available for our listening pleasure.

Music: Vague Hope - Spring Rain

Next we have the CEO Bullets. Much like the Emil Bullets from earlier, it transforms the omnipresent enemy energy orbs into the heads of Yosuke Matsuda. The description claims Kenichi Sato heads should also be present, but I tried against a few different enemies and only got the Square-Enix CEO energy heads. Weird sentence to type, that.

Next up we have a big foam novelty head of Yosuke Matsuda, if that�s your kinda thing. He wears that YoRHa uniform well. Very shapely.

Finally, we have a matching Kenichi Sato mask to make 9S very uncomfortable while wearing. I suppose it�s possible to go load up a chapter with 9S and have him wear one head while 2B wears another to act out an incredibly specific fetish I�m sure one weird out there must possess.

But for now, our business with the 3C3C1D119440927 DLC has truly and finally concluded. Tune in next time for the last of the sidequests. As soon as I get this last loving rear end in a top hat robot in the desert to bloody spawn. Who did I piss off to get such bad RNG with just this specific game?! ARGH!

Video: You-Know-Who Boss Battle (You should probably watch this!)

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Mar 1, 2018

# ¿ Mar 1, 2018 06:54

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CLII: Spawn Goddammit!

Music: Significance

The DLC is well and truly done now. Which means all that remains in NieR: Automata is mopping up the final two sidequests. That also means we finally need to face the great evil that is the Reconnaissance Squad quest... If you�ll recall, this quest requires obtaining a certain threshold of completion rate on Unit Data of enemies (and occasional quest giving allies, but we're well beyond that point.) We�ve done all but one other sidequest in the game. We must surely be there, right...?

gently caress my life... Welp. Having done everything in the game other than one sidequest (which does actually constitute 1% of Unit Data) we�ve still got 9% of enemies left unaccounted for in our collection. Thankfully, we only need to make it to 95% to complete this quest. Only madmen go for a full 100% completion rate considering there are multiple enemies that have a 1% chance of spawning in a very specific spot at a very specific point in the game.

So how long could getting that extra 4% take, you ask...?

FOUR AND A HALF loving HOURS!

Music: Possessed by Disease (Become as Gods)

You see, not all percentages are created equally. There are 100 entries total in Unit Data. But entries for common machines are also split between different variations of that machine. For instance, did you know there are Medium Flyer Desert Units? You never see them normally. They�re all rare spawns in the Desert Zone. The Gunner version and Kamikaze x2/Gunner x2 versions are both rare spawns in Route C on some cliffs to the east of the Oil Field Access Point. And by rare I mean there�s a 10-20% chance of either version appearing. Leaving a very good chance for gently caress all to be there as well. This took me a good hour plus to get these two.

There�s also a chance for the Kamikaze exclusive version to appear in the same place. Except the DLC apparently broke that spawn so it only appears specifically (still with a low random chance) during Route B, Chapter 10-3 � the part where Eve is going on a rampage and you�re meant to go take out the machines trying to break into Pascal�s Village from the City Ruins. It�s one of the few times in the game it really feels like there should be a bad ending for pissing off but nope! Even if the music is stuck eternally playing The Sound of the End because it�s an end game crisis occurring, 9S can mosey on over to the desert and grind for this particular machine. Actually got this my first try.

So fifty minutes total for those three. As I was saying earlier, all percentages are not created equally. Those three machine entries? Those make up one complete entry or 1% of total unit data. That goes the same for all machines. Each variation of a model contributes to the total 1% complete entry. So each of those machines were worth .3~% each. So that�s fun! This Electromagnetic Shield variant above only spawns in one particular, semi-hard to reach room just below Masamune�s chamber. He too is one in a set of three, so worth .3~% completion.

This guy, on the other hand, is the only Medium Quadruped of the Factory death cult variety. Remember that one creepy hidden room full of a pile of android corpses? During 2B�s escape with Pascal, if she visits that room this machine will be standing atop the corpse pile being worshipped by Medium Biped cultists. Since he�s the only Medium Quadruped Factory model in the game, he�s worth an entire 1%! Spiffy!

The only way to sanely accomplish this quest is to do every single other sidequest in the game, as all machine lifeform quest givers are added as entries and are mostly worth 1% each with some exceptions (all of Father Servo�s forms are all under one entry so that entire quest line needs to be completed to get 1% from him.) After that, it�s mostly down to grinding Enhanced Model versions of machines which are all rare spawns stuck in the same pools as normal enemies. And they are a huge pain in the dick.

For instance, there�s Enhanced Model tall fellas that only spawn in Route C on the path in the Housing Complex on the way to the first fight against Adam (where we saw the first Goliath Biped.) This only took 15 minutes of reloading a save at the start of the area, jogging over to the spot and seeing if it spawned. Unfortunately, this is only worth half a percent since there�s a non-gun equipped version that randomly spawns over in the Desert Camp zone with little rhyme, reason or guaranteed position. That one I thankfully got at some point in the distant past.

At the exact same place as those other Desert Medium Flyers is a small chance of an Enhanced Medium Flyer spawning as well. Taking the time grinding that area up to about 90 minutes total. I never want to see the Desert Zone again.

This stout boy randomly spawns in Route C in the caverns between the elevator to the Copied City and the Alien Mothership. Only 20 minutes to get this one to show up. A gunner variant is a guaranteed spawn in the Copied City down some dead end during Route C too.

This stupid Enhanced worm shows up right before the central courtyard jump leading to the King�s Chamber and Masamune�s shop. Thankfully another guaranteed chump... Unlike its cousin...

...Who only shows up on some random rear end rock dead smack in the middle of the Desert Zone. There are no nearby landmarks or places of note to denote the area. It�s vaguely south of the entrance to the Desert Housing and west of the entrance to the Desert Zone proper. Only place it spawns in the entire game and still, not remotely guaranteed to show up. It could just be a trio of Stubbies instead. It�s like a three minute walk every time to go check the spawn. Not going to even comment on how long that took total.

There were several others too I tracked down to get this percentage up to snuff. I already know no reward is going to be worth it because the next stop is upgrading every last weapon left in the game and we�ve already hit Level 99. But whatever... it�s done. I didn�t need those last five hours of my life anyway...

Music: Forest Kingdom

Back we go to the Forest Castle one final time to speak with 4S... who has apparently just given up on his job and is leaving it all to 9S to carry the load.

Thanks pal. Here is your garbage data. Go ahead and upload it to the Bunker�s servers. Oh right... they all exploded and this is useless! Get a job, you bum! :argh:

New Music: Faltering Prayer [Starry Sky] (You should probably listen to this.)

It�s great having another Scanner helping me out. Thanks to you, I�ve gathered the data 60 percent faster than I�d planned.

......

...I wonder how long we�ll be doing this. It�s not like we YoRHa androids have a home to return to.

Yeah, but gathering intelligence is still important. It�s a huge support for the war effort.

I KNOW THAT!

......

...Sorry, Nines. I didn�t mean to yell at you. Anyway, this chunk of data you brought means I�ve finally hit my goal. I�d like you to have this. It belonged to an old friend, but I think he�d be happy to know that you�re using it. See you around, Nines. And remember: No regrets, okay?

Our final reward is a bunch of materials we don�t need, a sack of cash that isn�t necessary and literally worthless EXP. Well, it�s not quite 10,000 G for hours of gardening. But it�s not too far off...

Thus concludes the worst sidequest in all of NieR: Automata. So what becomes of 4S, the only remaining Scanner in YoRHa besides 9S? Well...

He just vanishes and we never see him again. Who can say what became of him after this fateful quest...

Our final task left for today is to completely upgrade all of our weapons to maximum level. Yep. There�s no requirement to collect all of the weapons to get the final ending, as there was in past Yoko Taro games. Instead, completionists now need to collect every single weapon AND upgrade each of �em to max. It�s actually far less painful than it ever was due to most of the materials being stuff that can be bought and comparatively very little farming for a handful of those that cannot.

Just needed to stop by Pascal�s shop for a couple spare Machine Arms and Torso from his former neighbors and one Black Pearl from the Amusement Park vendor. I�d been slaughtering every moose and boar I�d seen to get the necessary 20 or so Beast Hides, the only pain in the rear end material that cannot be bought. So we�re good to go. Every single weapon is now at Level 4! So what does that do...? Well... there�s no notice of anything different. No email or extra dialogue from Masamune to indicate an unlock of any sort.

However, if we take a gander at the map... a new unknown hotspot has appeared over at the shopping mall... Hmm...

Music: Rays of Light (Quiet)

If we just take a jog over the bridge where 9S had the worst day of his life and into the shopping center, we find Emil idling just where we met him the first time on this adventure.

Emil offers one of his random inventories. But they�re all completely worthless to us at this point. Indeed, we could just sell all of the upgrade material now if we wanted. It has no further use. As soon as we leave his shop, we get a new bit of dialogue...

What do you mean?

Um, nothing. Don�t worry about it. Take care now!

And with that, Emil zooms off out of the area. I�m surprised that flimsy rope bridge can handle all that weight considering a minor earthquake and 9S was enough to break it before.

Pod�

Pursuit marker placed on map. Target is heading toward the desert.

Heh. Nice work. Let�s go find him.

So begins the final sidequest of NieR: Automata. Tune in next time for Emil�s Determination! I�m sure it�ll be fine...

Video: Episode 152 Highlight Reel

Assorted Machine Lifeform Concept Art � Nothing the machines do has any meaning. Including spawning in certain locations. ESPECIALLY spawning in certain locations. :argh:

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:30 on Mar 5, 2018

# ¿ Mar 3, 2018 23:35

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

...! posted:

Weird, I was already at 98% when I found that quest, just from playing the game normally.

Look at this lying motherfucker right here. Aren't cool as hell? :allears:

# ¿ Mar 4, 2018 05:19

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Edit: Whoops. Disregard.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2018 01:46

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CLIII: Emil�s Determination

Let�s embark on the final sidequest of NieR: Automata. Emil has driven off to points unknown in the desert. 9S, being a busybody as always, decides he needs to investigate. This quest can actually be done with any of the three androids and there�s slightly different dialogue for each. But we�re going to be going with 9S since he�s the one that has interacted the most with Emil. A2 like stopped by his shop once and thought he was weird. And 2B is kinda dead, so that�d be weird...

Music: Memories of Dust

On we go to a final trek to the Desert Zone. Indeed, this is the last time we�ll ever be using an Access Point to fast travel. Thanks for cutting on all the travel time, least inconspicuous transportation device since the TARDIS.

Emil�s signal for this quest is coming in the northwestern corner of the Desert Zone. I feel like we�ve been there once before but it�s slipping my mind... Oh well, let�s take one last boar drift for old time�s sake and head on out to the far reaches of the wastes.

VIDEO: CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE UPCOMING EVENTS :siren:

(You should probably just do this.) :siren:

Are these... Emil?

Oh that�s right... The creepy as hell giant Emil head graveyard. That�s a touch worrying our Emil headed out here all the sudden. He seems to be having some issue. It�s hard enough walking around here, Emil. Driving is a big mistake.

Watch... out... They�re still... alive...

Music: Emil [Despair] (Hey go listen to this right now!)

So welcome to the secondary super boss of the base game of NieR: Automata � Emil! No... not our silly shop keeper top boy. This is something slightly different...

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRAAAHHH!!!

Alert: Magical weapons from the old world detected. Magical elements have a high probability of penetrating all defense systems. Proposal: Evade.

I know that!

Meet the Emil Clones. This is technically a Level 99 reskin of Hegel. But it�s infinitely less annoying for a few reasons. Firstly, that stupid aerial attack where it bombards the ground with energy orbs is only performed right at the start of the battle for a few seconds to introduce the boss.

After a moment or two, the Emil heads split apart, shed their creepy skeleton spider legs and fall to the ground below. The real fight begins now. They also become quite chatty. They sound like a chorus of booming Emil voices that sound extremely pissed/upset.

Why just us... Why do we have to... We... We must... kill them all! We don�t need it! We don�t need this world!

Now independent of one another, the giant Emil heads proceed to roll around and blast laser beam eyes in 9S�s general direction. Much like the Hegel fight, more than one can fire a beam at a time and they don�t give the first crap whether the blast is coming from off screen or through their compatriots. It cannot be dodged by normal means at all, so it must be avoided by just booking as soon as it gets near our android.

Unlike the Hegel fight, while the Emil heads will roll around all willy-nilly, they don�t seem to do any damage if they collide with 9S. So that�s another really annoying part about the similar boss battle nixed. Maybe it�s just me put they also seem way less likely to all attack at once or attempt to surround our android. It�s like they nerfed the obnoxious parts of its AI and that was just enough to make it an alright boss battle instead of complete trash like Hegel.

I don�t know how much more of this I can take!

Emil (the nice boy) contacts 9S...

Years of multiplying... Years of fighting in wars... Their sense of self just... deteriorated. I need to settle things with them. On my own.

Stop it! You have to stand down!

At this point, in addition to the eye lasers, the Emils start emitting ~~energy orbs~~ more Emil clone heads. Now this fight turns into a proper clusterfuck like Hegel. This can be a really rough fight... were we not also at Level 99. I think I did this at around Level 80ish my first playthrough and that was a taxing time. 9S can hack Emil heads and that�s about the only way I managed to beat it then.

All of the Emil clones possess their own health bars and we need to defeat them all to trigger the final phase of this battle. The problem is, when an Emil�s health is depleted its HP meter just vanishes unceremoniously. It doesn�t stop attacking. And given how massive and rapidly moving the lot of �em tend to be... it�s kinda easy not to notice an Emil is defeated and we�re wasting our time attacking it further. So that�s rather annoying. It�s best just to break off attack regularly when crowded and scouting out which Emil still possesses a health meter before refocusing the attack.

This stops being an issue once about two-thirds of the Emils have their health depleted. At his point, they gain shields to indicate they�re out of the fight. Mind you, they�ll still happily attack 9S with eye beams which disabled. But attacking them any further is useless. Also, they start uhh...

La la la la la la la la la la la...

I. Hear. A. Sound.

We tried our best! In the rain. In the wind. In the storm. Even when our companions died, we kept fighting. But the eternal war... Our eternal pain... Hahaha... The eternal pain! It screamed at us! It told us there was nothing of value to protect in this world... The world had no meaning! Hahaha! It SCREAMED at us!

STOP!

Music: Emil ~ Sacrifice

This pain! This sadness! This DESPERATION! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT!

Emil Prime chimes in again. All the Emil clones stop fighting now.

No matter how hard or how painful... They never gave up. They kept fighting because they believed they could overcome someday! Isn�t that right, Kain�!? Even if it�s pointless, you still have to do it! BECAUSE THIS IS THE WORLD MY FRIEND TRIED TO SAVE!

Guh...

At this point, all of the Emil clones, save one, blow themselves up. Also a worrying �Time Until Emil Self-Destructs� 10 second countdown timer appears...

A randomly selected one of the Emil clones now charges up a blast and there is a ten second window to take it down before it detonates.

Not to undercut the drama or anything but... you know how way back when I said there was exactly one thing in the entire game that could actually be permanently missed? It�s this right here. We�re just going to let that timer countdown to zero...

Music: ENDS

Ending Y is the only thing in the entire game that can be missed since it�s an ending that is only present in a sidequest and once this sidequest is done, like every sidequest, it�s done for good. Once this sidequest is completed, the game will immediately ask you to save. So if you didn't know that an ending resulted here and saved over your old file? Tough poo poo! It's gone forever. That said, this bad ending does indeed mean redoing that entire boss fight. But through the magic of editing we can just jump back to where we left off. Like so!

Music: Emil ~ Sacrifice

The final Emil clone has extremely low HP and just about any attack will take it down. Though I almost did end up getting Ending Y again because the final clone is randomly selected and it can be a decent clip away from our position and the ten seconds allotted to stop it from destroying the entire planet. Once it too is destroyed, then we get one final scene...

I can�t believe I remembered something so important... right at the end.

Emil...

I was running... from the memories of losing those close to me... It was so hard... So painful... At the end... I did a lot of bad things to you, 9S. But now I get to see them again... Really soon...

Hold on, Emil. We�ll repair you and get you back to normal.

Oh... hey! There you are... I�m so glad... I got to see you all again...

Emil...

And there you have it. The final sidequest of NieR: Automata � Killing off Emil. We�re dumped back to the title screen, appropriately enough. Since all that is left to do is to load up the final battle and side with 9S this time to get Ending D and whatever may come after that... No, it is not a post-credits thing where Emil actually lived. He's 100% dead. Full stop. Spoilers.

The end of Yoko Taro�s wild ride is in sight. Stay tuned...

Video: Episode 153 Highlight Reel (Hey go watch this!)

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:39 on Mar 6, 2018

# ¿ Mar 5, 2018 02:26

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Geemer posted:

I'm kinda sad you didn't show off A2's after-shopping dialogue with Emil where he'll talk about how much he likes 2B.

RIP Emil, immortality truly was the greatest curse.

Emil's flags can get turbo hosed due to chapter switching business and hell if I could ever get that dialogue to trigger. There's also one in Route C where he mentions charging the shopping to 2B's YoRHa account and 9S gets bummed out that I could never trigger.

Also worth mentioning that the unit data says that was the true Emil. In case you were going "it's just another clone, it's fine."

# ¿ Mar 5, 2018 23:04

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode LCIV: Childhood�s End

Welp. This is it. We�re finally at the end of NieR: Automata. Well... nearly there... We�ve still got a couple of obstacles in our way. But the path ahead is very clear.

The original NieR required replaying the entire final hour long stretch through the Shadowlord�s Castle and all fights in-between to acquire a different ending, even if the only difference for the final two was making a different choice at the very end. In NieR: Automata we can simply access the chapter select and jump straight to the final confrontation between 9S and A2. So that�s convenient!

Consult Episode 135 if you need a refresher as to how we got to this point. Ko-shi & Ro-shi were destroyed by a A2/9S team up. A2 revealed that 2B was actually 2E and had been killing 9S constantly every time he found out too much about what was really going on. 9S doesn�t give a poo poo and just wants to kill A2. Also he�s infected with the Logic Virus. Yadda yadda yadda.

Previously we choose A2, which resulted in Ending C: Meaningless [C]ode. This time we�re choosing 9S. I�m sure it�ll go fine.

VIDEO: A2 BOSS BATTLE AND ENDING D :siren:

(You should probably watch this.)

Music: The Sound of the End (Vocal)

Time to kick YoRHa Type A No.2�s rear end. You may notice 9S is down to Level 62. I actually kept saves from right after completing Ending C before doing all the postgame and DLC content so this fight would be mildly competitive and not over in two seconds. Unfortunately, A2 also gets reduced to Level 50 when she becomes the final boss, just like 9S did for Ending C. I have no idea why they did that considering level scaling clearly exists in the game as evident by the Moose and Boars all doing it.

9S and A2 are a bit chattier with one another for the opening of this fight.

9S...

But if it doesn�t matter... why do I long for humans like this!? Why do I desire the touch of something that no longer exists!?

It�s how we were made. Androids were designed to protect their human masters. Our core programming demands that we�

Shut up, shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP! Fine then... <audio crackle> I�ll just destroy it! Hee hee hee... If it all goes away, that�ll solve everything!

Ugh... drat it!

Unlike the battle against 9S, there... isn�t a lot to say about the A2 version of events. It�s essentially just a beefed up version of the fight against her in Route A/B, complete with the fight being locked to a 2D plane. Her only unique move is a full screen B-Mode dash and dropping from the sky above 9S with a downward strike. Both of which were abilities she possessed the first fight against her after she iced the Forest King baby.

Beyond some basic melee attacks, she seems to have a couple of aerial launchers she didn�t use in her first fight but... that�s about it melee attack wise.

The only real difference between this A2 fight and the previous ones is that A2 now has access to Pod Programs (and Pod Fire Gatling occasionally for flare.) The enemy version of A2 seems to prefer the same sorts of Pod Programs that the boss version of 9S did. Laser, Wave, Slow and Hammer are her Pod Programs of choice. Probably since they�re the easiest to utilize during a boss encounter.

That said, there is an interesting part to the A2 boss battle. While A2 obviously cannot hack into 9S and give him wonky status effects. 9S can hack into A2 for some... interesting results. Let�s take a look...

Music: The Sound of the End (Chiptune)

A2 actually has four unique hacking boards. The first one is nothing special. It�s just an odd configuration with the usual suspects of defends and one core on an overhead plane. The trouble with doing this sequence of hacks is... it�s outright impossible to do if you�re over Level 55-60. I specifically left aside one save slot back at the low 60s in hopes of doing this legit and... nope. A2 will be defeated by the third hack. I had to use the Debug Mode feature and set A2 to infinite HP to show this off even at just Level 62.

Which is a shame since there is a neat Easter Egg at the end of this series of hacks. Anyway, the second hack is on an isometric plane with regular waves of defender units spawning behind our avatar. Again, nothing too special.

The third hack on A2 is from a forward facing perspective against a few waves of standard defenders and a couple of shielded missile firing units. It ends against one core spewing huge waves of energy orbs. It�s actually a bit tricky to tackle that from this odd angle. But we�ve got two mulligan hits we can tank getting to the core. Still not too special.

A2 would die from that last hack from our Level 62 9S even if she were completely unscratched beforehand. Remember, Hacking is calculated by percentages that increase with the level difference between our character and the enemy and just a 12 level difference is more than enough to do her in. But, if we can manage to do a fourth and final performance with Hackerman, then...

The fourth hack puts us in a behind the back perspective down several narrow passages with sneaky defender units. Yes, this hack is basically a corridor shooter. It�s also quite lengthy, easily the longest non-story based Hack in the game. Notice there is no time limit involved.

There is only one core to destroy in this Hack. But getting to it means combing the perimeter of the area for all defenders. Once that�s completed, the central area�s barrier will unlock. Which results in...

A crazy rear end clusterfuck of enemies with no rhyme or reason. There are several rotating turret units, front shielded defenders and a mess of standard units all gunning for our Hackerman avatar. All of these must be destroyed. But the Core�s shield is not open just yet...

At this point the perspective pulls way out. Huh... that looks a little bit familiar... Can you tell what it is from...? Well just give it a sec.

How about now...? That�s right. For his final act, Hackerman has infiltrated A2�s pause screen. Rude as hell, 9S. The defender units here don�t actually attack. It�s just a matter of destroying them all and going �oh poo poo� at what the hacking board actually is until the Core is vulnerable. A neat little Easter Egg that is extremely easy to miss. I kind of wish the game did more things like this.

Regardless of the method, A2 is most certainly done by this point.

Music: ENDS

All that hacking and whatnot manages to briefly stun A2.

9S Status: Loving this murder poo poo.

Despite his enthusiasm, 9S is still kind of poo poo at actual sword fighting while A2 is a veteran half-decade murder hobo. As such, she almost immediately has 9S dead to rights. Except...

Ghost 2B with the guilt trip.

2B...

9S takes this distraction opportunity to run A2 through with his sword, killing her pretty much instantly. Except...

9S is, and has always been, a massive gently caress-up and manages to accidentally fall straight on A2�s sword (which is technically 2B's sword) while killing her, impaling himself as well. Nice work, Nines... You managed to have 2B do you in one last time even months after she's been dead.

A2 is already dead. 9S on the other hand, well...

We�re treated to him thrashing around and screaming with a sword stuck in his gut for a while...

...a kind of uncomfortably long while...

...you really hosed that one up, 9S.

Music: Vague Hope (Instrumental)

I lie collapsed in a space of blinding white.
The pain is... gone.
The light envelops me. It�s so warm.

I was anxious.
A soldier from the moment I was born, thrown into the world alone.
Nothing to rely on.
No God to believe in.

I was alone.
Tasked with infiltrating enemy territory to gather intelligence.
In the fog.
In the flames.
Alone.

�My name�s 9S. I�m here to provide support.�

2B came off as being rather aloof. Cold, even.
She must have wanted to distance herself from me.
I guess she didn�t want to be attached to someone she had to kill
again and again and again.

But... I...

�Scanners like me mostly work alone. Scouting out enemy lines and all that?�
�I don�t usually get a partner. It�s kind of fun!�

I was so happy to be with someone.

It was like I had a family.

Music: Vague Hope (Vocal)

A dark fog clouds my vision.
As it ebbs and flows in its slow, dreamlike way, it gradually takes human shape.

It�s the red girl.

She slowly begins to speak.

This tower is a colossal cannon built to destroy the human server.
Destroy the server... and rob the androids of their very foundation.
That was the plan devised by those girls.

But they changed their mind.
They saw us androids. They saw Adam. And Eve.
They saw how we lived, considered the meaning of existence,
and came to a different conclusion.

This tower doesn�t fire artillery. It fires an ark.
An ark containing memories of the foolish machine lifeforms.
An ark that sends those memories to a new world.

Perhaps they�ll never reach that world.
Perhaps they�ll simply wander an empty sky for eternity.
It�s all the same to the girls. For them, time is without end.

Adam and Eve are inside the ark.
Eve is asleep.
Adam holds him in a gentle embrace. He seems to be smiling at me.

I try to look up at him, but my body refuses to move.
_{Looks like the damage has spread to my motor functions as well.

�Will you come with us?� asks Adam.

The question was completely free of malice.

It seemed I no longer had a reason to hate machines.

Maybe I never had a reason in the first place.

What have I been fighting for?

Who have I been living for?

I don�t know anymore.}

> �I�ll go with you.�

> �I�ll stay.�

Ah...

So that�s where you were... 2B.

> Both choices converge here.

Apparently, according to supplementary material from a concert performance of the game�s soundtrack 9S�s consciousness loving off into space with the machine lifeforms is the choice made. Though according to the novelization the ending where he stays is what happened. Canon is for chumps. Just ask Drakengard 3 in which the canon ending was... a weird combination of all of them so none of those presented in game were actually canon.

Music: Weight of the World (Emi Evans Version)

So the Machine Lifeform Ark launches into space. Perhaps the only winning move to dealing with the Drakenier version of Earth is to just get the hell off of it. I don�t think Yoko Taro can reach anyone in deep space. Yet...

As with Ending C, The Tower collapses as soon as all the drama at its summit concludes. Taking all of the dead androids and machine lifeforms lining its halls with it.

Devola and Popola did not make it. And there is nobody left alive to say how they redeemed themselves at the end... even if they never actually did anything wrong in the first place. No moral. Only death.

Regardless of the earlier decision with Pascal�s fate, he�s active by the ending watching the ark take off and realizing he�s left behind on this poo poo planet. Pascal had a hard life.

Finally, shockingly enough the Resistance Camp and its mostly useless androids are completely fine despite being directly under the collapsing multi-mile wide superstructure. This could have gone way more mean spirited. So that�s nice. After all, Jackass needs some support staff for her bombing the Android Illuminati campaign in the future.

So that is Ending D. Everyone died. A dying, delirious 9S might have uploaded his consciousness in his half dead state to a supercomputer space ship filled with an entire race he absolutely hates. Huh... Well then...

While the credits do roll for a bit. They�re soon interrupted by the only surviving main characters of the game.

Our mission to oversee the progress of Project YoRHa is complete. Proceeding to final stage of project. Commencing deletion of all data.

Data noise present in stream. Requesting temporary halt to perform data check.

Well... Saying �No� will just dump us to the title screen. So yeah. Go bang on the TV or something to fix this static interference, Pod.

Music: ENDS. Credits halt.

Personal data for units 9S, 2B, and A2 appear to be leaking out.

Pod 153 to Pod 042. Follow project rules and delete all personal data.

......

Personal data deletion request denied.

Pod 153 to Pod 042. Failure to parse statement.

Pod 042 to Pod 153. There was... data created in my banks as I was referencing the records. I... realize something. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot accept this resolution.

The destruction of all YoRHa units is an essential component of the project plan. All data must be destroyed.

Pod 042 to Pod 153. Repeat. Personal data deletion request denied. Initiating data salvage. Pod 153... You hoped they would survive as well, didn�t you?

......

We lack the authority for such an action. The rules are protected by low-level systems. Salvaging data poses an unacceptable level of risk.

...So do we reject another Yoko Taro final ending where almost everyone dies at the end? I don�t feel like there�s much that can be done about that. But sure. Yes.

Tune in next time f-f-for...

Video: A2 Battle and Ending C (Hey it�s an ending, go watch it!)

Video: Hacking Easter Egg and Alternate Ending D (You should really watch this.)

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 00:39 on Mar 14, 2018

# ¿ Mar 7, 2018 22:14

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode CLV: The End of YoRHa

Pick one of these two and watch it: :siren:

Video: Ending E (The LP Playthrough. No commentary.)
Video: Ending E (Commentary from the first time I played the game before the LP.)

Everything that lives is designed to end. They are perpetually trapped... in a never-ending spiral of life and death.

However... life is all about the struggle within this cycle.

That is what �we� believe.

Pod 153 to Pod 042. How is it going?

I am... embarrassed.

Why is that?

I launched a suicide attack, and yet, here I am, still alive. I must look very silly.

Do not feel bad about it. We are alive, after all. And being alive is pretty much a constant stream of embarrassment.

That concept is a bit too abstract for me to understand at this time. I will save it in my list of things to analyze later.

Question, Pod 042. Did the data salvage restore all of their past memories?

Yes.

And are those recovered parts of the same design as previous ones?

Yes.

Then... won�t that simply lead us to the same conclusion as before?

I cannot deny the possibility.

However, the possibility of a different future also exists.

A future is not given to you.

It is something you must take for yourself.

Please respond to this query. Do you, faithful player The Dark Id, have anything you would like to say to other players who are suffering because they cannot finish NieR: Automata.

So all of those messages during Ending E were player generated, if you couldn�t guess. And now we... I mean, I have the chance to do the same. Of course. I�m not a dick. Mostly...

There are an extremely large number of options to choose from. I scrolled through them all quickly in the video. I�m not going to go through them all. We�d be here all day.

There are quite a few rear end in a top hat options at the bottom as well, if you�re a real piece of poo poo. Here�s a thing you probably didn�t know unless you�re a complete edgelord.

You�re allowed to be slightly cheeky and pick one dickish answer. Maybe two, depending on the severity. But if you pick all three as assholish answers, Pod 042 all but says you�re a prick and tosses you back to the title screen, canceling the rest of the proceedings.

But I�m not going to do that. You can also pick country of origin for your message. I don�t live in the United States anymore but ehh... I�m not scanning through all the El Nidos, Solarises and NotSpains of the world to find Canada. Or I forgot until I was reviewing the recording. Whichever one fits the narrative in your head best.

Once I leave my message, there�s one more thing left to do here...

Please respond to this query. You, The Dark Id, faithful player of this title, have lost your life multiple times to make it this far. You have faced crushing hardship, and suffered greatly for it.

Yeah, sure. I think we can all already see where this is going...

However, in exchange, you will lose all of your save data.

Yes and you are a complete piece of poo poo if you don�t do the same when you�re done with the game. It�s fine to say no and finish up what�s left. But if you don�t come back here and do the deed, you�re dirtbag. Full stop. If anyone says otherwise in the thread, everyone shame that fucker immediately. Yes, I still want to commit.

As a result, this person... who cries out for help even as we speak... may be someone you intensely dislike.

Yes, I�ll still help. Even if it�s an idiot McElroy brother who can�t follow a bright red X on an omnipresent mini-map to the correct fishing spot to progress in a previous title in the series. Or some jackass that loves belts, zippers and anime bullshit x Disney fanfiction.

But they will no longer be available to you.

Pod, I love this game and all but according to Steam I have 159 hours played of it. I�m positive. I'm done.

Some may say that your efforts are purely for show.

Pod 042 that 159 hours is mostly due to an LP that is nearly been running for a year now. I�m ready to let go...

Nah... you know what, I�m going to go grind out the last 60% of that fishing da�YES! Let�s just do this thing, Pod. It�s been real.

In exchange for all of your data... I will convey your will to this world.

I�m not going to miss that map. That was not a great map... I will continue to make fun of anyone bitching online about losing hours of progress after scrolling right past the Quick Save option, the one the menu defaults to every time the game is paused, to go eat that mackerel and getting Ending K. I'm sorry you were born a dumbass. World's a gently caress.

OK, this one hurts a little bit... But then I see the memory of Jean-Paul�s quest being cast into oblivion and it�s alright.

I suppose I went a little bit overboard on all those curatives. But I did end the game with almost 800,000 G so ehh... Worth it.

After Drakengard 1-3, this weapon collection was nothing. Take �em away. Iron Will can live bright and beautiful in my memories...

Honestly, I�ve forgotten half of those Pod Programs existed. I don�t think I�ve changed my configuration since Route B outside a couple specialized bits.

I�d like to have gotten more fishing done but this game�s RNG hated me with a burning passion for the duration of the LP and I gave up that goal after 45 minutes of fishing in the cavern near Emil�s home and getting exactly one of the like six unique fish that can be caught there. If you�re wondering about the missing tutorials, there�s one for dying and retrieving your body both online and offline. I never actually died unintentionally outside of the DLC the entire playthrough.

I�d have to have declined this bit to get Ending D and E added to the tally of save data. But that�s OK. They�re completed in my heart. Be kind to my save file, to you the future player of NieR: Automata. Or just eat poo poo at the marketing department with it. Glad to have helped.

......

And so, we must say goodbye. I feel a slight amount... of sadness.

......

It is time for the final words.

Affirmative.

To all of you who spent time with this game...

Thank you.

You know, for once... Yeah. All right. I�m not pissed hearing that at the end. :unsmith:

Music: Significance

Much like the original NieR, the only thing to mark our previous efforts is a new title screen. In any case, that was NieR: Automata. I hope you all enjoyed joining me on Yoko Taro�s Wild Ride. Somehow Yoko Taro got blackout drunk, got Square-Enix to give funding to PlatinumGames and made the game of the year in a year full of great games. And it actually sold well. And there will almost definitely be another one.... somehow. It keeps happening...

No one stops... It�s way too late to stop.

No one stops!

# ¿ Mar 9, 2018 03:18

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Why are there so many new posts a day after I last checked this thread...?

darealkooky posted:

A tome of rambling idiot speak.

Welp. Found who is the winner of getting muted from this LP thread. Congrats! Please shut the gently caress up. I'd rather not lock the thread quite yet. Go poo poo up the Games thread if you must continue.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 20:33 on Mar 10, 2018

# ¿ Mar 10, 2018 20:29

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

The LP is over. There's nothing else I'm posting. Couldn't get permission from the dude that translated that stuff and frankly, I think most of the supplementary material is kinda whatever this go around so meh.

Hey the guy who came up with all the real lovely parts of YoRHa was the original Scanner unit 9S was based off of! He was a huge dick. He also immediately died as soon he kicked off things because he was a moron.
9S got killed so many times that he hacked himself so he could use a sword as Scanners don't usually get a weapon because ????.
9S and 2B got killed by A2 a few times!

None of it is very interesting and is mostly kinda just redundant.

vvv That one is alright.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Mar 14, 2018

# ¿ Mar 14, 2018 17:34

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Anyway, I'm closing this thread tomorrow before we get more quality posters like this loving dipshit above. Say your piece and move on.

# ¿ Mar 14, 2018 18:30

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Thank you for reading.

This thread cannot continue.

# ¿ Mar 15, 2018 22:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 12, 2024 20:57

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

There's a new LP if that's your scene and you still have this LP bookmarked for some reason:
Koudelka - Shadow Hearts 0

This thread cannot continue. Back to the abyss.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2018 02:26

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > NieR: Automata - For the Glory of Mankind

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