Barudak posted:

I must have told this befor, but a friend of mine was on a date with a gal and the whole thing was going quite well and they get to talking about their careers. The woman is and emt and so my friend starts asking her about it. After a little while she gets really serious looking and leans in towards my friend and says in a low whisper, "Do you want to know why I became an emt?" "Sure," says my friend.

"I want to watch people die"

Nigmaetcetera posted:

This thread is about bad dates, buddy.

MC Hawking posted:

I had a date with a smokin' Lebanese lady one time and she couldn't stop talking about startup culture or getting canned from Facebook or Donnie (this was a day after the travel ban came down the pipe) then when the check came the waiter said my card declined. My card wasn't actually bad, the waiter was just being twee but she'd given me a really weird look about it.

Turned out her sister was an investment banker and her parents were a doctor/lawyer combo. There was no second date.

Another time I feel trap to the ol perspective in photography trick. Turned out she was a plus size model and most of what she wanted to talk about was "#blacklivesmatter" protests. Fortunately the bowling alley had a bar. There was no second date.

Essentially dating is like a job interview excerpt somehow more mortifying.

PureEvil6_13 posted:

It's a weird story that will make you want punch me.

Hal_2005 posted:

Tales from Hal's dating life:

- One girl who was a nurse. Two dates consisted of her lighting a joint, getting food after her shift ended and then loving. Pillow talk consisted of stoned marxist chatter. The second date was a diatribe into Alt-Left insurgency programs against American imperialism after loving for 2 hours. Date number 3 consisted of her announcing that nursing was not progressive enough for her so she joined a US Aid program. I found out 4 years later she died in a friendly fire airstrike.

- Dated an aerospace engineer who's parents were professional wheaton terrier show breeders. Their house had 50 wheaton dogs running around. Imagine tribbles from star trek and that is a rough approximation of the house. loving on her bed usually meant at least two wheaton terriers hoping into the bed to enjoy the bouncy action. You would need to move the dogs or clean the dogs as part of the after-sex. dumped her. She moved far from her parents and now designs bombs and has 5 cats.

- One girl was a translator. We had three dates of awesome 4 star dinners in new york, wild sex at hotels and patio drinking. She had a cocaine thing. The Russian mafia found her while out on a project and kicked in her door, raped her and put her in a coma. Her family pulled the plug on her 1 year ago.

- One girl had never had sex before but had 9 (yes 9) degrees to her name. The date consisted of her arguing it was more productive for her to work on curing male diseases then be with males. I pointed out the irony of the date and asked if she ever studied abnormal psychology in her journey to 9 degrees. Date ended with lulz. She is now married to a cattle baron, has a bunch of cats and quit academia to teach kindergarden.

- Long term relationship ended when this girl became addicted to PCP. I have no idea how she hid a hard drug like this from everyone, but good on her. While on a bender she claimed she was pregnant and the baby was trying to climb into her stomach. 1 coat hanger later, she had made herself sterile and was committed to a ward, never to be seen again.

- Dated a airline heiress. Free trips on a national air carrier sound cool but she could not function without cocaine. She was up to 1 bump every hour, like how some people need cigs. 3 nose jobs later she looked like michael jackson and her dad cut her off. Last I heard she tried to get into porn. The airline found out, purchased the tapes and put a gag order on her.

- Dated a NHL team owner's daughter. Every date was a trip to the owners box. She thought it was cute to throw things at the players bench; pennies, half filled beer cups, whatever she thought was fun that night. Dad banned her from attending home ice games long after I dumped her. A few of the players who retired to the city are still chill.

- Dated a miss universe contestant through a mutual friend. The date consisted of driving in a blacked out towncar to a closed off hotel patio and her wearing a wig/hat getup. It was pretty clear she had alerted the paparazzi to her "date" because there was 5 literally on the other side of the fence speed-shooting the entire event from SLR's. She got upset when I did not want to talk to her about starting a blind/dumb foundation in Africa with her as a "partnership". I ended up buying 5 plates of french fries for the paps and bailing out on the whole event. The paps gave me a standing ovation as I walked out and got a uber.

- Went to an escort, it turned out the escort was an undercover local detective. Her partner calls for help from an adjoining bedroom which causes all chaos to break loose, her with her pistol kicking in the side door, me naked and a pimp jumping out a window. After the guy is arrested, she returns to the bedroom where we swap numbers, comment on each others assets and meet for coffee the next day. Met for a few dates which consisted of largely swapping stories or jogging. She got into Quantico and is doing a JD.

- Tinder date turned up with neon pink hair. She explains that her day job is teaching autists and proceeds to talk to me about her side career as a crossfit model and cosplay professional. Spends first date talking to me about her naked bodypaint fetish cosplay as 7 of 9 and if I would be into being her Robert Picardo, with a bald cap. I wish I was making this up. Second date involved picking her up from a NGO play about bio-recycling. She explained sex was out of the question that night because she had to look after her 5 cats, 3 parrots, 2 dogs and 1 horse. Her car talk was explaining how the horse is suffering from diarrhea. Dinner conversation was her asking me about methods to gather chemicals to make napalm because "some .pdf from the internet is not working right". I never bothered to follow up with this one.

- Found a country western starlet on Tinder. Ended up spending the evening drinking box wine in her tour bus. She ended up batshit crazy from drugs. Still friends with her songwriting buddy.

- Dated a OCD PGL golf pro. Imagine an autist, but autistically focused around golf. She would wake up, putt 20 balls into a cup before taking a piss. After sex would mean working on chip shots into a sand filled vase in the hallway. It made for some cool nights indoors but got a bit dull dealing with the drama. She never made the tour circuit, dropped out, became a trader and how is on her third marriage with a raging drinking problem.

I'm incapable of finding normal people.

Radical and BADical! posted:

it's really hard to type out in a way that makes sense so i'll cliff's notes it

Girl A=Lindsay
Girl B=Mel

I go on a date with Lindsay. I think it goes well, she is not interested. She wants to ghost me and lies to me about deactivating her social media under the pretext that it is affecting her schoolwork. I google her because I am insecure but also want to find out of there's anything I should know and find that she lied about that. I confront her. She makes excuses and says she will add me back to everything. I tell her not to bother and deactivate my account and admonish myself for being such a pathetic, embarrassing fucker. I work on myself for six months and make a new account.

Melanie favorites my account, writes me a long message expressing interest and private messages me to express interest. We chat back and forth for a week via IM and email and also phone texts. She pressures me into going on a date with her over my reservations because in the back of my mind I was suspicious and also I shared a car with my brother and he needed it. The date goes fantastic. We end up speaking the next night and come to find out that she is friends with Lindsay which makes me remember about being rejected, and Lindsay thought I was too creepy to just say "I'm not interested" and tried to lie so as not to interact with me on top of the childish reaction I had. I said as much and Lindsay denied it through Mel, who informed me that they both found the situation funny. I was overcome with self loathing and despair which manifested in my entire body going numb and my face getting hot and wanting to puke so I excused myself after being told to message back in a week. When I did so, I got ghosted and I can't figure out whether it was meant to be harmless and I took it hard or if it was meant to be truly cruel.

Also the part with the chat is like 80% verbatim. Say what you will about memory but you don't forget something like that.

Obsurveyor posted:

Yeah, I couldn't figure out the end and why it was a "joke" with Melanie rather than her being a little insensitive telling him about laughing with Lindsay about how her date ended. It's like he owned himself by just giving up on Melanie even though she seemed into him regardless?

Heath posted:

You realize literally every human being you could possibly date shares a common ancestor at some point, right

Machai posted:

wait, are you pretending to be Pick's wheelchair-bound "friend"?

remigious posted:

Went on a date with a 32 year old man that was obsessed with pokemon. I like pokemon too, so whatever, I thought we would have a few friendly battles. Well he hit me with his EV trained Azumarill and said, "I like this one because it looks like it's raping you." Urgh I loving cringe thinking about the idiot situations I put myself in as a lonely single lady

Pick posted:

men are peepee doodoo

Putty posted:

Solaire left his armor in the pickle pee nest after a very bad date with Pick

CRINDY posted:

went on my first date in six months (tbf I've been dealing with a weak heart and had to get surgery in January so that's definitely part of it, although the two dates in the two years before that are probably more indicative of my extreme anxiety and lack of sexual experience multiplying the anxiety) and it seemed like it was going pretty well. i got really sad and deleted all of my messages and then two weeks later she asked to meet up and I figured sure I'll take two hours and meet her and have a few beers.

we talked for two hours and the conversation never faltered. but, I was so focused on not being a creep that I a) never got her name b) never said anything remotely flirty c) when the bar closed at 11 instead of 1 (which I was not aware of beforehand, and in retrospect probably seemed weird that I was convinced it was open until 1) I called it a night and went to smoke bongs with my bros instead of continuing the night, because first dates and all. could you guess there was no second date?

Next up: going to the city this week to see a show with a friend of mine who I've mutually flirted with and have also effectively put on a pedestal, so the stories are gonna be loving hilarious out of this one. it's a good thing I can't afford therapy!

Pick posted:

powerful sex moves posted:

Sorry, I didn't realize how long that was until I hit submit.

Fartbox posted:

whhy do lebians like fat ugly butch women

Mocking Bird posted:

Did you mess up a dime a dozen just to gently caress with my OCPD symptoms or

Bonzo posted:

Need a frozen pizza recomendation. How's the 'Co? Options?

Groovelord Neato posted:

i'm kinda confused since it's been posted about at least twice here but how are goons meeting people online, going on an entire date, and never getting the person's name? that's one of the first things they ask me or i ask them. do you exchange numbers without knowing their names when we're messaging each other on okc or whatever. this is loving bizarre lmao

Choco1980 posted:

Av/post combo etc

Jastiger posted:

Not gonna dox someone, sorry. But she was hot as hell and complained about her weight. Never would have guessed 300, but she's very very attractive.

ReelBigLizard posted:

EDIT: I've tweaked a few details for security by the way. Also, I'd like to add that despite the intrigue it wasn't really an awful encounter, she was genuinely the most engaging and charismatic woman I met there, great fun and a tremendous flirt.