DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

Riyadh- Controversy erupted amid the White House Press Corps today as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer denied reports that President Donald Trump touched the dreadful Orb to gain its power.

“This is ridiculous. Donald Trump pledged to the American people that he would resist the beguiling siren song of the Orb, and he has done so. This is yet another distraction by the failed Democratic party trying to block President Trump’s Make America Great Again agenda.”

Hours later, President Trump tweeted “Yes- I touched the Orb. Obama wouldn’t listen to the song of the Orb. Big mistake! Insulted allies and the Orb!” When asked for comment, Spicer said “I think the President’s tweet speaks for itself.”

Op-ed, NYT: Once Again, President Trump Crosses a Red Line
…have we forgotten the lessons of the past so easily? Yes, the Orb’s melody is alluring and seductive, but the power it grants corrupts body and mind. Who can forget Dwight Eisenhower’s famous farewell speech, in which he warned of “the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the Orb?” We cannot know the Orb’s true intentions for mankind, but it is all too easy to imagine that they are hostile and alien.
We say to Donald Trump: reject the politics of division! Reject hatred! And reject the Orb, for though its lambent glow soothes the mind, the terrible power that crackles across its surface will bring you no peace.

Op-ed, WSJ: Liberal Critics Overstate the Dangers of the Orb
…yes, we know the Orb may not have our best interests at heart, but we should trust the Orb to act rationally. It is in the best interests of the Orb, now that Donald Trump has been suffused with its vast might, to work for America, not against it. If we cannot trust the President of the United States to safeguard the might of the Orb, then who can we trust? An Orb Working Group, its members drawn from the elite across fields, will be able to strategize the best way to harness the Orb’s awful might and transform our society just as it has transformed Donald Trump’s living flesh into bitter, cold darkness.

Tweet, RealDonaldTrump account:
Haters and losers say that Orb cannot be trusted. I have absorbed Orb and will carry it within my soul! #MAGA!

8.2k replies 7.4k retweets 45k likes

posts from r/the_donald, thread entitled “INCREDIBLE: he touches the Orb! CUCKS BTFO!!!”
MAGA_MAN_X

fellow pedes i can’t believe he’s done it again!

volkisch1487

cucked SJWs at my school cant stop cryin about this, rofl

trumpinTN12

This is really Presidential. This is a breath of fresh air after 8 years of 0bungler.

Rachel Maddow, 6/27/17 broadcast (partial transcript)
…and his skin, it’s turned midnight black. I think I see rainbows moving across it, like an oil slick in sunlight. But just so you know, the White House is denying all of it. They’re denying that he’s taken on the Orb’s power, they’re denying that he’s grown to twelve feet tall, they’re denying that anything happened at all. Lightning struck the White House 452 times last night, according to meteorologists. This is not normal.

Tweet, LouiseMensch account
Sources have revealed to me that #orb was planted by #Russia, #Putin. Supreme Court preparing Articles of Exorcism as I write.

12 replies 180 retweets 100 likes

#Neverorb, Erick Erickson, Redstate.com
…the Republican Party used to stand for something greater than the pulsing Orb and its horrible keening drone. I remember that, even if the bootlickers in Congress don’t. The Orb has no regard for human life, not even the life of the unborn. Hey, Paul Ryan — why does your budget allocate $0 to faith-based family centers that offer alternatives to abortion, but $800 billion to a massive basalt monolith in the middle of Washington DC?

Sean Hannity show, 7/12/17
HANNITY: These liberals, they fear the Orb. They’re afraid of it.
GINGRICH: You know, it’s sad, it really is, because the Orb wants what’s best for America, for all of us, and-
HANNITY: Exactly! The Orb loves us! The Orb-
[crosstalk]
GINGRICH: It’s like I said in 1994, the American People don’t want big government. They want a vast, glowing Orb that swells up to block out the sun.

Bernie Sanders, speech, 8/16/17
…and I don’t think it’s right that President Trump now walks around outside for days at a time, plants wilting wherever he plants his massive feet. I don’t think it’s right that our President, a billionaire, gets to be twenty feet tall and exude an oily darkness while the regular, hard-working people of this country slave away for long hours for a minimum wage that’s not enough to feed a family. I don’t think it’s right that every night the pool at the foot of the massive basalt altar in DC — paid for with tax money, yours and mine — must be filled with sacrifices of blood, hair and teeth. Not when millionaires and billionaires pay less tax than at any time in the last century.

Barack Obama, GQ interview, 9/2/17
…I don’t want to sound overly critical. But when I was President, I didn’t touch the Orb, for a very good reason. And, you know, I wanted to. I could have easily. I heard it singing to me in my dreams, a song that melted away like morning dew when I awoke. And I could have… (he loses focus for a moment)
I could have touched it. But I didn’t. And I think that was the right choice for the American people, and when you look at the boiling cloud of gnats that used to be our President, I think you’ll agree with me.

Headline, Washington Post
CROP FAILURES ACROSS MIDWEST

Life Force Drained to Feed Orb’s “Endless, Terrible Hunger.”

Blog Post, fivethirtyeight.com
The Disappearance of the Upper Midwest in a Vortex of Madness Could Doom Trump’s Re-Election Chances

From “The Orbs of Our Fathers,” an essay by Ta-Nehisi Coates in The Atlantic
…I knew from the moment I saw it what the Orb was. I knew what it represented, even when others chose not to see. The Orb is America. The Orb is white supremacy, hatred and disregard, the disregard that communities of color face every day. The Orb is Donald Trump, and Donald Trump is the Orb. His body has evaporated, but we see him now reflected in puddles of oily rain, on our television screens, in our dreams. He is screaming, only screaming. That scream is the hate-cry of white supremacy, the message that never leaves us.

Why is the President Screaming: a special report by CBS News
JOHN DICKERSON: Experts say that that the power of the Orb may have consumed President Trump and now feeds on his soul. What does this mean for us as a Nation? Was it a mistake to touch the Orb?

REINCE PRIEBUS: No, John, not at all. These reports are yet more distractions from the liberal media. The President is deep in contemplation of the Orb’s mysteries. That’s why he isn’t seen outside these days.

JOHN DICKERSON: Do you have an explanation for why every reflective surface on Earth shows the President’s screaming visage at precisely 4:22 PM each day? Or why the great black Monolith of the Mall has cracked right down its face?

REINCE PRIEBUS: Listen, if you want to sit there and criticize every little thing the President does, you have that right. I can’t stop you. But frankly, it’s counterproductive, and it’s a little sad when the President’s agenda has been such a success. I mean, the crops are growing again, they’re-

JOHN DICKERSON: The farmers are saying that the crops are twisted and swollen with unholy power. They’re inedible. They’re useless.

REINCE PRIEBUS: We’re growing for export. We knew there would be resistance when we set out to make America great again, there will be hiccups, but…

Inaugural Statement from Mike Pence
…and in the weeks and months to come, we know there will be questions. Where is President Donald Trump? Why do we still hear him screaming, faintly, at the edge of our hearing? What has become of the baneful Orb that hung low in the sky like a second sun? My fellow Americans, I do not have all the answers for you. This should be a time for healing, a time for people of all faiths to come together and bow their heads in thankfulness that the Orb’s awful designs have been averted. I never expected or wanted this, but I solemnly swear to do my duty as your President, to heal a wounded nation, and to stand strong against the alien menace of the Orb wherever it threatens. I pledge that I will never touch the Orb or any other item of cosmic, unknowable power.

Alex Jones show, 11/25/17
…and he’s heading to Beijing next week for a summit. Can you believe that? We all know that they’ve recently unearthed a gleaming cube of alien metal from the ruins below Xi’an. What is the President hiding? Why won’t he tell us whether he plans to touch the Cube?

Xibanya posted:

If not for the account tweeting it I would have assumed it was satire from Weird Twitter.

The Glumslinger posted:

My parents are like this

They're cool, though they like Bill Maher too much for my taste (ie, at all)

JeffersonClay posted:

I don't think it's a lot of leftists. It's just a small cabal of really bad ones. But yeah it's about not wanting democrats to win the wrong way. And also the legitimate fear they'll be called out for kneecapping Clinton when she went hard on this during the campaign. The Jimmy Dores of the world see the writing on the wall here, but they're still clinging to the hope this is all a deep state conspiracy or a delusion of the bad bad neoliberal democrats.

nine-gear crow posted:

God, Bill O'Reilly gets fired, Roger Ailes dies, Tucker Carlson plows Fox's ratings into the basement, and now Sean Hannity might quit in a screaming huff over a literal fake news conspiracy? Is there a term for a hat-trick where the team just keeps getting scored on?

The correct answer is: A Vancouver Canucks game, but anyway

Fulchrum posted:

Remember when we thought this would be his Reichstag fire?

Fulchrum posted:

It needs an emote.

voltroon posted:

voltroon posted:

It's from the CSPAM thread

Owlofcreamcheese posted:

I mean this doesn't seem particular contradictory. God is rooting for some pick and might tell you if you listen but you might not listen and you are free to ignore it.

Like 99% of the bad things that happen in star wars is the force telling the jedi something and them letting their own feelings get in the way and getting it all hosed up. It's exactly that.

Chilichimp posted:

Ah, man, they gassed the old thread? Bullshit, that poo poo needs to be enshrined.

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

So is Trump praising the Filipino President more or less hosed up than when Reagan gave the Contras a tongue bath?

theflyingorc posted:

One thing is for certain: If he loses, this thread will have half a dozen posters LOSING THEIR MINDS about how the Democrats are DEFINITELY doomed forever

Hollismason posted:

Why is Melanie Trump dressed like she is in mourning.

Night10194 posted:

One of the faults of Christian fiction is that it tends to focus too much on the Christian part and not enough on the fiction, ending up with a structure pretty similar to porn. "Doesn't matter how the guy is gonna come to Christ, only that he's going to do it and do it in exactly the manner my denomination says you will."

A Wheezy Steampunk posted:

https://twitter.com/9_volt88/status/867443580692045824

https://twitter.com/aarond/status/867444718040477697

Willo567 posted:

Well, that's just great. We're all hosed, and the world is going to end in a nuclear hellfire

gently caress

guidoanselmi posted:

Time to see how dems capitalize on this besides some snarky tweets and statements, nada

glowing-fish posted:

I know they don't directly touch the Atlantic, but they are very close to the East Coast, and there are no mountains or natural barriers.

Its a short drive with no intervening mountains between Grand Rapids and New York City, so its pretty much the East Coast.


If you look at Ohio and New York State, there is no real demographic difference between them. They are both states with no wilderness areas, no mountains, similar population densities, most of their population lives in a few megapolises. Also, states where people are parochial and backwards. If I am talking to someone from either state, I have to remember not to bite my tongue when they talk about mountains, and not to smirk condescendingly when they talk in conspirational whispers about buying marijuana.

glowing-fish posted:

Cuyahoga National Park is not a wilderness area.

I know that if you are from the East Coast, you don't have any idea of something more rural than "3 Miles from the freeway", but yes, such areas exist.
I was originally going to mock East Coasters by saying "This park is so wild you can barely hear the freeway", but wow, it really is like within earshot of the freeway?

That is adorable.

Zil posted:

But what would have been the chances of a mountain named Bernie winning?

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

lmao can we talk about this goddamn nonsense for a bit

like first of all the idea that a state that contains NEW YORK CITY is basically the same as one that contains loving cincinnati

PhazonLink posted:

Asking/joking/a cry for help for the 3rd time : I'm going to lose my insurance aren't I?

Pander posted:

man POST. THE. MAP. has gotten really weird here

JAY ZERO SUM GAME posted:

Dude just gently caress right off, I can get a good burrito from three different places within five loving minutes of where I live

And no, it's not Chipotle or Dos Toros or whatever the gently caress

ToxicSlurpee posted:

The argument is of course the old "deregulation = more competition = better results" nonsense. Ignoring of course that many of Oblammocare's regulations were created specifically because the free market was absolutely failing to deliver quality healthcare to those who needed it. It literally was a crisis and the GOP plan would create the same crisis again. Meanwhile America has horrendously overpriced medical care that isn't even the best in the world anymore.

Dr. Angela Ziegler posted:

And that's why we were gnashing our teeth at every committee Dem voted for these chucklefucks. You can't attack Republicans on confirming literal traitors if you also voted for them!

glowing-fish posted:

Politically speaking, areas in the Eastern half of the country tended to move towards Trump together.

This map compares Trump's vote percentage against Romney's. (Not their margin, which was effected by voters going to third parties and the like)

Lots of "conservative" areas in the West had a net loss for Trump, while many "liberal" areas in the East showed a net movement towards Trump. So Wyoming moved away from Trump while Rhode Island moved towards him.

I think that there is a commonality in culture between Rhode Island and Wisconsin, marked by those areas being parochial and resistant to change, that is prime territory for Trump to convert people there. Westerners in conservative areas went against the tide because they could perceive Trump as a coddled product of an East Coast culture that is afraid of change.

Buca di Bepis posted:

It's probably not healthy to constantly try to spin every potential move away from giving Republican assholes more power as actually wrong and bad or happening for the wrong reasons

Senf posted:

Was it something like "The press is terrible and we all know that, so it's good that he beat up one of those fuckers! Show them who's boss! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!"

Does that sound about right

hanales posted:

https://twitter.com/GuardianUS/status/867534363847782400

Raylen posted:

A bulk of the votes (absentee, mail-in) for Montana are already in due to the size and low population density. Hopefully voters that go to actual polls tomorrow see this and tell Gianforte to gently caress off.

FizFashizzle posted:

BBQ in montana is probably poo poo anyway

I could understand if this was North Carolina....

davecrazy posted:

The people who vote in special elections are the same type of people who do nothing but watch Fox News all day.

gohmak posted:

So does the assault on the journalist help Gianforte or hurt him in Montana?

empty whippet box posted:

Took my cats for a walk for an hour