funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

vyelkin posted:

the film "Daddy's Home" starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg was part-financed by money embezzled from the Malaysian government

In 2007 the owner of a multi-billion-dollar subprime mortgage company spent $26 million of the company's money and destroyed several of his own supercars to create a crash-heavy racing movie as a vanity project. It made $8 million at the box office and by 2009 he had declared bankruptcy.

# ¿ Mar 15, 2020 10:25

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 06:28

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

britishbornandbread posted:

were Air Marshals not a reaction to 9/11? did they exist before the attacks?

The air marshals date back to the big hijacking boom of the 60s and 70s, before airports even had metal detectors or anything, but there were like a few dozen of them at any one time. It ballooned to thousands after 9/11.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2020 11:12

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

The Iraqi government spent 50 million GBP on magical dowsing rods to detect car bombs that were not only completely hollow and fake, but were unlicensed knockoffs of one invented by an American used car salesman in the 90s.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2020 10:13

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

exmachina posted:

The biggest lol about the Dixie chicks is that they thought the crowd would agree with them.

They were touring Europe, so the crazy thing is they didn't think Americans would find out.

# ¿ Dec 25, 2020 04:02

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Skulk Hogan posted:

And putting light in your blood, was it?

Not likely to kill you but there was a some chiropractor on youtube who convinced a bunch of people that drinking tonic water every day would keep you from getting covid.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 05:38

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

exmarx posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Gross

this cia asset who got caught in cuba and was a massive bitch about it

Trying to play up his cover as just a simple American tourist by complaining about how everything in Cuba is in Spanish.

# ¿ May 31, 2021 02:14

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

frankenfreak posted:

Seeing how it's basically just the Lord's Prayer BYU strikes me as less surprising performers.

I think the ironic part is that it was official LDS church policy that black people had been cursed by god and could not receive salvation until the late 1970s.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2021 19:25

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

# ¿ Jul 25, 2021 02:38

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Another funny point is that the biggest panic was in Cuba but then once they all got worked up State Department mooks started claiming they'd been targeted in like Brisbane and the DC suburbs, so the US explanation for this is that it's a worldwide plot by Russian intelligence with cooperation from the governments of Cuba and Iran.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2021 20:52

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Skulk Hogan posted:

https://twitter.com/ExileGrimm/status/1436340459878719493?s=19

Appointed to Attorney General by W. Bush after losing his senate race to a corpse.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2021 04:40

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Nobel Peace Prize works on Time Man of the Year rules.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2021 20:12

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Antonymous posted:

xeno is a greek root for foreigner or something of a different origin

xeniflores is a spanish name that means 'foreign flowers' I guess, idk that's what the internet said. when I look it up it mostly links to things talking about this lady, that's her full assumed given name

Jardin is garden yeah should be Jard�n. "Foreign flower garden"

her birth name is Jennifer Hamm

She claims a Guatemalan guru gave her the name Xeniflores and that it's an indigenous Mayan word even though it's obviously not and probably not even real Spanish.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2022 03:30

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Immediately prior to the invasion of Iraq, the UK government's top source on Saddam Hussein's WMD program was a guy feeding them details from the Michael Bay film "The Rock".

# ¿ May 23, 2022 20:17

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Bust Rodd posted:

LoL all the Russians leaving the joint airbases without telling the Arabic troops why and then the Arabic troops bailing because they realized it meant Russia knew we were about to bomb them

Americans pulling out of all the airbases the middle of the night without telling the Afghan army.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2022 23:05

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Open Biden

# ¿ Jul 5, 2022 09:35

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Zvahl posted:

missouri's choice for democrat senator is a multimillionaire who won the same racist debutante ball that ellie kemper won

The personal injury lawyer who pointed at a gun at BLM marchers for getting too close to his St. Louis mansion ran for Senate with ads depicting him riding a tractor down on the farm and got 3% in the Republican primary.

edit: the candidates that beat him are all absolute monsters too, of course, it's just a hilarious way to fail

Pitch has issued a correction as of 09:25 on Aug 5, 2022

# ¿ Aug 5, 2022 09:22

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Fortaleza posted:

It was funny when she posted that someone had slashed her tires and posted a pic and even supporters were like "that's just tire rot you need to replace them more often" and she refused to believe it

She doubled down by forging a note from her mechanic saying they were slashed and people contacted him on Facebook or something where he said he hadn't written that.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2022 03:57

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

PerniciousKnid posted:

The View trying to bring out Kamala after the host tested positive and her handler (presumably) yelling NO.

Kamala getting covid and the government officially announcing there was no exposure risk to Joe because they were not close contacts.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2022 06:05

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

FreeRangeHexagon posted:

Right wing twitter is mad about George Floyd again because of a new Candace Owens movie or something, and I'm just remembering how much of an effort all the liberal BLM people made to be as peaceful and civil as possible and how it doesn't matter because the right think they burned down entire cities anyway. So they got all the bad PR of doing citywide riots, but without the actual harm to capital that would have caused.

They torched that one Minneapolis police station and polling found that burning it down got higher public approval than Congress or the President.*

*if you allow "partially justified" as approval, but that's funny so I choose to believe it

# ¿ Oct 15, 2022 10:29

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Donald Trump endorsed "Eric" in a Republican primary where three candidates were named Eric, including both frontrunners. When asked for clarification, a spokesman said the former president's statement "speaks for itself".

# ¿ Nov 23, 2022 08:03

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

That article about how bidenflation was affecting regular people focusing on a family of 4 that was spending hundreds of dollars a month on milk.

# ¿ Dec 28, 2022 07:11

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

LAPD tried to make a big deal about seizing a bunch of illegal Fourth of July fireworks and stuffed them all into a controlled detonation trailer meant to safely dispose of pipe bombs and poo poo, hosed up the math on how much it was rated to hold and caused the entire truck to explode injuring seventeen bystanders and destroying several neighborhood homes.

Edit: the guy who owned the fireworks got five months in prison

Pitch has issued a correction as of 20:54 on Jan 13, 2023

# ¿ Jan 13, 2023 20:33

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

After banning bump stocks by executive fiat in the wake of a mass shooting, Donald Trump is responsible for essentially the only tightening of US federal gun control since 1994.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2023 23:58

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Mister Bates posted:

an extremely old and obsolete Soviet submarine ran aground off the coast of Sweden in 1981, and the Soviet explanation, that the sub had a navigational error, is to this day dismissed as silly and obvious propaganda by most Western sources, with everyone instead accepting the far more reasonable interpretation that the Soviets were attempting to use a notoriously noisy boat built in the 1950s to smuggle nuclear weapons into Sweden for no reason.

also during the resulting days-long diplomatic incident, a heavy storm rolled through, and to this day it is accepted wisdom that the noise on the Swedish coastal defense radars that occurred during the storm was not due to the storm but instead due to the Soviets jamming the radars, again for no particular reason.

a pair of West German civilian freighters who happened to be passing nearby were nearly sunk by the Swedish Navy, who erroneously assumed they were the vanguard of a Soviet attack

after over a week of sabre-rattling the Swedes ended up dragging the sub out of the sandbar it was stuck on and letting it sail away

The US government still alleges that the Soviet Union deployed chemical weapons in their proxy wars in Afghanistan and southeast Asia despite all scientific investigation of the sticky yellow residue being consistent with pollen-rich honeybee poo poo.

# ¿ May 11, 2023 23:15

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

The very real guy who got beaten up by some volleyball jocks for reading Alan Dershowitz' book at the beach and saying he had "a lot of respect for the author," as reported in an email he really sent to Mr. Dershowitz.

Pitch has issued a correction as of 10:17 on May 19, 2023

# ¿ May 19, 2023 10:12

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Kamala Harris took a state trip to Vietnam and laid flowers for the late Senator John McCain at a memorial in Hanoi and everyone sort of glossed over the question of why the Socialist Republic of Vietnam would have a monument to John McCain.

"On 26 October 1967 at Truc Bach Lake, the army and the people of Hanoi captured pilot John Sidney McCain, a Major in the air forces of the US Navy, who flew the A4 plane, which was shot down at the Yen Phu power plant. This was one of ten aircraft shot down that same day."

# ¿ Jul 4, 2023 01:18

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

�If you send Jon and the Reverend to Washington, those $2,000 checks will go out the door, restoring hope and decency and honor for so many people who are struggling right now,� Biden said, making his closing argument for the Democrats at a campaign event in Atlanta on Monday.

also remembering "Joe Biden firing a lot of missiles for somebody that owes me $2,000" when he was in the middle of a drone strike spree in early 2021 but I have no idea where that originally came from

# ¿ Jul 13, 2023 07:44

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

exmarx posted:

How is the Hispanic Millennial demographic growing?

# ¿ Aug 12, 2023 04:22

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

RandolphCarter posted:

ashcroft covering up a statues tit with a $1000 curtain

# ¿ Aug 15, 2023 06:11

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Mister Bates posted:

actual honest-to-god machine guns were fully legal for civilians to purchase and own until they were finally (mostly) banned under Reagan

They're still completely legal, just expensive. Reagan banned new machine guns, so the market is a few hundred thousand collector's items that you can buy for the price of a decent used car.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2023 06:10

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Ruffian Price posted:

when the threat of winning is too high

in 2022 Trump endorsed "Eric" [no last name provided] in a Missouri Republican primary where both frontrunners and at least one also-ran were all named Eric.

Pitch has issued a correction as of 09:41 on Aug 25, 2023

# ¿ Aug 25, 2023 09:38

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

paul_soccer12 posted:

W breaking the fourth wall every once in a while to let everyone know the war on terror was just bullshit theater to rile up the hogs

We will hunt down these evil doers. Now watch this drive

"A wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq. I mean Ukraine. Heh."

# ¿ Sep 7, 2023 23:46

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

sleep with the vicious posted:

Some CIA connected guy shooting up a vegas concert and the conversation immediately turning to the technical definitions of "bump stocks"

Trump unilaterally banning bump stocks afterward, the only tightening of federal gun control since the mid-90s.

# ¿ Dec 14, 2023 23:59

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

guidoanselmi posted:

Later similar schemes were testified to be true.

A goon told me I was doing blood libel for posting a Haaretz article when they revealed state hospitals were "donating" the organs from Palestinians the IDF killed.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2023 07:30

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Ruffian Price posted:

Why would you not deny this? Even if it's true why would you not lie?

# ¿ Jan 30, 2024 11:07

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

uber_stoat posted:

Isn't "sexual consent on the blockchain" a real one?

# ¿ Apr 15, 2024 06:36

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

It's funny to remember that she ran for president with absolutely no understanding that 60% of the population more or less correctly views her as personally responsible for the all the worst things the last two democrat administrations had done.

And of course with zero of Bill or Obama's charisma

# ¿ Apr 17, 2024 00:49

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Whatever movie studio it was killing all the trees on the public sidewalk because they would have provided shade to the picket line.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2024 06:51

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 06:28

Pitch: Jun 16, 2005; しらんけど

Just remembered Kamala's habit of trying to prove her black leftist bona fides with mathematically impossible lies like saying she listened to Tupac as a teenager (she's seven years older than him) or she met Malcolm X (died when she was three).

# ¿ May 21, 2024 03:55

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson