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cis autodrag posted:So on a more serous note, I wanted to talk about the stereotype that trans people are drawn to tech. Anecdotally, there do seem to be more trans people in tech than in the wider population, but my thinking is that the truth is that there's just more out trans people. I wonder if in addition to the money thing an outsized number of trans folks in the tech industry might be partially the result of dysphoria pushing people away from other more overtly gendered career paths pre-transition. if you feel great unease in the roles of the gender you were assigned at birth a career which requires strict conformance to them would probably not be something you would seek out. you also can't easily cross over into a field society has deemed for the gender other than your assigned gender because society is really loving weird about people of the "wrong" gender entering a gendered field. meanwhile despite there being deep misogyny under the surface everyone is encouraged to do tech... I've also seen so many trans women talking about always playing as female characters online and messing around with character creation options for hours at a time before they figured out they were trans, perhaps there is something to video games (despite being deeply flawed and full of toxic culture) offering a chance at expression leading to a general tech interest? or just self selection from the communities I see online.
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Dec 5, 2017 04:12
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Raere posted:You don't have a dumb idiot brain because you're questioning yourself. Every person questions their identity as some point, most people just don't want to say so out loud. I feel like that nearly everyone who spends any meaningful amount of time time hanging with or reading the stories and experiences of non cishet individuals/groups is going to experience some moments where they need to sit back and process why exactly they find something so relatable. personally it has recently lead me down some very... enlightening rabbitholes of self discovery. Anyway I do have a tech-related topic I've been wondering about. Access to trans-friendly medical providers is absolutely a concern for trans folks right? Like not just the gatekeeping where some providers demand you do all sorts of things to "prove" you should be given access to hormonal therapy, I mean my understanding is that it is very difficult to find a provider that will consistently use your real name and correct pronouns instead of constantly deadnaming you. If you are in a non-metro area you likely are already short on providers to chose from so the local X-specialist being trans-hostile is a nearly insurmountable problem for those that don't happen to be able to make the trek to a major metro with better choices. I was thinking that telemedicine has the potential to help, at least in some specialties. It could even make for better care by connecting patients with people who have experience with how common HRT combos would interact with their treatment plans. I mean general telemedicine has been a "within the next decade!" thing for what... fifty years now, but maybe this is a sustainable niche? finally - database queery would be a pretty great yospos username imo.
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Dec 7, 2017 12:20
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women get it really bad too. I had a bi friend who's dating stories were a never ending parade of married couples looking for a disposable third. putting a giant all caps "I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THREESOMES" had no effect. even if she set her profile to indicate she was only interested in women she would get them because they would use the wife's account to make contact, often only revealing their motives after a few days of messaging. she ended up just dropping off of online dating entirely last I talked to her (years ago). technology really enables people to ignore the fact that there is another person at the other end of the conversation.
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Dec 7, 2017 16:31
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cis autodrag posted:You're mostly on point, except that access to care is hard even in major metros. My current provider put Transgender in my problem list (whoa) and it's visible to everybody, even front desk staff who have no business knowing. Even good clinics don't know what they're doing half the time. oh yeah definitely, and when you find a good one insurance approved provider lists keep shifting in ways that you have to decide whether to pay stupid amounts of money out-of-network or change providers. I didn't mean to imply anything other than it was even worse in more rural environments. that leads me to a question - I assume that the support groups and trans community is pretty on the ball about sharing which providers are good, but how is that generally done? just usual word of mouth offline?
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Dec 8, 2017 13:51
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atomicthumbs posted:Probably wouldn't be able to that hard to make nfc tags associated with each ID and give it to the students to put on their cards or whatever, then use that with some sort of app where I went to school they had just switched over to rfid badges and decided to try something similar for a few classes (badge in at the door for attendance tracking) and turns out that lazy students will give their is card to a friend to check them into a class. would it be possible to do an email before the first class with a "if you go by or prefer a name other than what is listed in your student records please email me before the first day of class"? or perhaps not take roll on the first day and make a similar statement on the first day?
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Dec 10, 2017 01:55
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cis autodrag posted:that poo poo sounds condescending as hell. just follow peoples leads on what they call their stuff, but really how often do you have a reason to refer to anyone's junk in conversation? that reminds me of the preemptive training that I had at work when a lady in the same division as me transitioned. the Office of Civil Rights rep kept telling people that almost none of what was in the presentation was trans-specific. when going over things not to do or say the rep kept saying over and over again "These are not just for situations and conversations involving people who are transitioning! These are things you should never ever be doing/asking/saying at work. Even if it is you chatting or joking with your best friend who happens to be a coworker, do it after work when they are your friend and not your coworker - these topics are not appropriate for discussion in the office." they also hammered the idea that if someone asks you to avoid using a word or to use a different word/name it is just plain professional courtesy to do so without demanding they provide some sort of justification for doing so.
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Dec 12, 2017 16:10
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cis autodrag posted:Iv is in my arm. No going back now. See you on the boob side guys. breast of luck!
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Jan 12, 2018 21:30
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Ciaphas posted:glad the surgery went ok yeah same. I was trying to make another boob joke but more important that you feel good soon. have fun with the bra shopping when it comes around.
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Jan 13, 2018 04:27
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rest well
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cis autodrag posted:
i was wondering about how taut the skin would be, especially after the swelling hits. is there a stretch mark risk?
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Jan 13, 2018 04:47
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just look down from time to time and grin manically at your cleavage or use them as an emergency pocket because why the gently caress does women's clothing not have even small pockets for a few bills or an id dammit what is wrong with designers?!
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Jan 13, 2018 15:52
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worse than that sometimes the entire pocket is there, pouch of material and all, but sewn shut. I guess because the designer wants the outline of the pocket to show but can't let anyone ruin that carefully chosen outline by daring to put other things in there? you can occasionally run a seam ripper down it to open it up but often the sewing which closes the pocket is also holding something else together. to be fair this is also a thing in men's clothing but only on special stuff like suit jackets.
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Jan 13, 2018 16:49
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ultravoices posted:crossing gender expectation in appearance or adornment or clothing or attitude is fun and I think everyone who wants to should give it a spin. nothing compares to the feeling of freshly washed sheets and freshly shaved legs. everyone should have that experience once in life.
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Jan 17, 2018 03:51
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Avenging_Mikon posted:I said this slightly over a month ago. I’m not so sure about it anymore. Some of the stuff in this thread has really resonated. I’ve got a lot of reflecting to do. I've seen this sort of comment so many times that it really seems like "reads trans message boards for any reason" should be a diagnostic criteria.
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Jan 20, 2018 16:48
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Improbable Lobster posted:lobster dating status:  keep the updates coming.
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Jan 25, 2018 04:35
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Ciaphas posted:but yeah i guess mucking about with a home kit on my upper leg or something won't hurt nothin' oh it'll hurt something. you can be sure of that.
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Jan 26, 2018 03:15
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in this thread I think it is reasonable that everyone has a "uh, hey could we not discuss subject X?" veto. back to random topics: our current house is all 1950s poo poo and after the pipe connecting the drain of the tub in the main bathroom basically rotted through two months ago we've been stuck using a shower that is 2.5'x2.5'x6.5', dark tiled, and completely unlit. shaving in there is just the worst. we're moving in a few weeks to a house which has been 100% renovated and we are both entirely too excited about the new bathrooms.
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Jan 29, 2018 13:52
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cis autodrag posted:Yep. As a rule, you should never change how you refer to someone you already know until they explicitly tell you to. If you got like an email from a manager or something I would determine that they were asked to send it by the actual person first before using that new info. That's how the training at my work put it too - you should wait for the person transitioning to indicate to you that they want to use their name and pronouns at work, which by the way is right now because she asked us to show everyone a video she made introducing herself. employees were told that supervisors were told that if an employee were to come out to them that they would not discuss it with anyone until they have a confidential meeting with the HR rep, the person who is transitioning, and (if the person is comfortable with it) the rep of the LGBT employees group to confidentiality plan out how the person would like the transition to go. I guess the real trouble is that ideally you would want to lay the groundwork for a smooth transition in the form of training on how to handle it professionally, but in smaller organizations just holding that training will set off the "who is it?!" rumor mill.
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Feb 1, 2018 01:56
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cis autodrag posted:The surgeon I had to cancel with is now having his office send me harassing voice mails and he's sending me emails, claiming I need to pay him for his "wasted time". It was my birthday yesterday and I spent it mostly crying. Thanks. I paid your rear end a deposit and I didn't sign anything saying answering a couple emails is billable. Why do people have to suck. what the gently caress? a patient's insurance falling through causing them to cancel is like a weekly occurrence for any surgical practice, why are they being shits about it instead of just using the deposit to cover costs and moving on? also while emails and phone consultations can be billable with appropriate coding, I don't think I've ever heard of a practice that did so without written authorization and "wasted time" is like the exact opposite of a medical billing code. sorry you had a lovely birthday. hope your 364 unbirthdays are better.
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Feb 3, 2018 14:52
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front squat best squat. I'm lucky to have the room in the garage for a full free weight setup. I would advise that if you are taking any medications or are on HRT/blockers it might be a good idea to run any diet more exotic than "eat less" by your prescribing doctor first. unlikely as it might be you don't want to do funky poo poo to your kidneys or anything and as a bonus it can give you a bit of accountability.
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Feb 6, 2018 01:38
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atomicthumbs posted:u know what's great for losing weight? adhd. you get the prescribed amphetamines AND you have trouble remembering to eat even though you're not hungry. it's fantastic and you only feel like you're dying some of the time flipside: depression is godawful because most ssri meds make you want to eat all of the things, especially carbs. Paxil is really notorious for it.
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Feb 6, 2018 05:57
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cis autodrag posted:Yeah. Dr crane himself is in Texas now and only does weiners. Satterwhite is the hot new kid on the scene, especially since bowers keeps almost killing people. His waiting list is enormous already, like 18 months just for consults and 6 more after that for surgery dates. hopefully he's managed to stay grounded about it. physicians and especially surgeons have a baseline of being completely full off themselves, I can't even imagine how absurd one with a two year waiting list could be.
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Feb 8, 2018 10:58
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CommunistPancake posted:my now-sister came out to the family in a group text yesterday (none of us knew, though i had some idea). had a pretty stressful time waiting for my parents to figure out what to say in response, but in the end i think they're down with the whole concept. she explicitly said not to out her to any extended family members, so it's going to be pretty lovely having to deliberately misgender her each thanksgiving at my Ayn Rand-loving Fox News-watching grandparents house. there is no way to get around the name thing but if you absolutely have to go maybe using gender-neutral pronouns could go a long way to easing her stress? using things like "where are they at?" instead of the "where is she?" you want to use usually goes right over the head of other people.
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Feb 13, 2018 13:31
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ate all the Oreos posted:or just discuss it with her beforehand in depth and do what she wants you to do so you don't put her on the spot in unexpected ways oh yeah definitely, that "you" was meant as the whole family, including the sister. she definitely should be in charge and get absolute veto power over any plans, including going in the first place. sorry that I didn't make it clear thanksgiving is a long way off though, perhaps it is best not to worry about that for a while.
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Feb 13, 2018 19:22
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Avenging_Mikon posted:No comfortable sharing why you don't think it would be good for the cat? if you are you cool with dogs a lot of shelters and rescues are always looking for people willing to come by and take the dogs for a walk.
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Feb 13, 2018 21:22
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Avenging_Mikon posted:A few reasons. There's a 1 cat limit, and I live alone so it would be by itself for 9 hours a day minimum, and then when I'm sleeping. I live in a one bedroom apartment that's already pretty crowded with two large, filled book cases, a computer desk, couch, coffee table, and entertainment centre, so putting any cat tree or play places for it would be quite size-limited. The last reason is surmountable but I'm disorganized as hell, and live out of my laundry basket and drying rack so stuff is just laying all over and it takes me a week longer than it should to take out the recycling. all reasonable concerns. two cats is usually ideal, you being around more is better, there is no such thing as too many cat trees, and you do need to be somewhat organized with a cat (at the very least scooping their box daily). but cats have really distinctive personalities and I absolutely guarantee you that in a cat at a nearby shelter or rescue who staff recommends be an only cat. I suggest looking at older (>4yrs old) cats because their personalities are well established, they are usually more than happy with sleeping in various locations for 20 hours a day, and they have a harder time being adopted. my cat is 9 and literally spends her day moving from sunbeam spot to sunbeam spot until my wife gets home and she can curl up in her lap. but you know yourself best and if your gut says "I'm not ready for a cat just yet" listen to it.
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Feb 14, 2018 00:36
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I find it very odd that a surgeon would not know that his surgical center is out of network. on the other hand it is also odd that the insurance would give pre-approval to an out-of-network surgical center without putting up a fight. something is fucky. I assume that you spoke with the doctor's staff to confirm they are actually out of network?
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Feb 16, 2018 03:39
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ate all the Oreos posted:doctors don't know poo poo about insurance and do everything in their power to avoid thinking about it so it's not really that surprising to me I guess you are right. I was basing that statement on my wife knowing exactly which insurances she is in network on but she isn't an almighty surgeon (who often feel like they are above such petty details). someone in the office should have known and warned her though. that really sucks cis. I had a dentist who intentionally left my insurance network but didn't tell me until I called up and asked why the crown I thought was going to be a 35% of plan allowance copay was instead 75% plus deductible plus difference between allowance and billed amount . I was absolutely livid about it. cis autodrag posted:I've literally never seen someone go into my trash bin before. poo poo you put on the curb for people to take, sure. Digging through my trash that has discarded bills, insurance letters, and so on? Stay the gently caress out. yeah I agree I'd be sketched out about it. is your trash bin at the curb or like in your yard and then you carry it out? I believe legally it makes a major difference- things (including trash in bins) left at the curb are considered "intentionally abandoned" and is free for anyone to take but you can't go diving in a bin on private property because that is trespassing.
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Feb 16, 2018 12:35
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if ever there was a time for the "every time you complain about it, the price goes up" gently caress-you negotiation strategy that was it. yeesh. sorry you had to go through that, drat good job holding your ground.
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Feb 17, 2018 02:27
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this is going to sound dumb but for me posture can make a difference. sometimes when working i cross my legs, straighten up my head and back, and pull my shoulders back. at that point sometimes it's like a switch flips and I have a sudden mental shift into feeling like I'm a stereotypical early 1900s lady typist. where things are really strange is most of the time that shift does not happen, but in either case I still feel like it happening/not happening is right. always has. still trying to figure it out and it was a bit of a surprise to find out that other people don't get that sort of thing or that it would arrive as an intensely distressing feeling.
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Feb 27, 2018 20:18
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Glazier posted:gently caress yeah! Give it a plug! might not be a good idea, even if the archives were corrected there might be old versions floating around on other sites/services that would make it easy to ID them but is is awesome that they did that
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Mar 1, 2018 21:33
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Pollyanna posted:this will just make companies fire trans people for unrelated reasons or no reasons at all, and just refuse to hire trans people at all it is nowhere near enough but there is a pretty massive difference between employers having to make up an excuse and it being legally acceptable to just straight out fire someone for their gender identity. at the very least this will make HR departments more vigilant and probably will end up costing some bigots that couldn't even manage to fake an excuse a lot of money.
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Mar 8, 2018 01:23
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prediction for cis autodrag's next post:cis autodrag posted:Owwwweeeeee (good luck!)
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Apr 11, 2018 22:55
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she gettin' buns done.
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Apr 11, 2018 23:12
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I keep considering a belt lipectomy because I've got a bunch of loose skin after managing to lose and keep off 100lbs, but the cost and especially the recovery keep me from going for it. cis autodrag- are your boobs healed up enough that laying on your front isn't too bad? gotta be a bit of whiplash to go from not being able to rest that way at all to being forced to.
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Apr 12, 2018 12:43
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cis autodrag posted:Thinking of changing my name but I haven't settled on a good persona yet. I think cis autodrag really needs queens in her avatar and that's kinda over. do you want to stick with a yospos theme? "master butt record" or "bootystrap" could work if they strike your fancy (and if they are available). Vintersorg posted:mani's and pedi's are like gods gift to humans I dunno about that. people with diabetes are warned against getting pedicures because the less than great sanitation procedures of the average salon poses a significantly heightened infection risk.
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Apr 23, 2018 19:08
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the most charitable explanation for Hired asking about orientation and gender identity is they want to have the ability to use it to do research into whether employers discriminate based on those things (yes is the answer to that question). the reason I would never fill them in is because I have zero confidence that they understand just how dangerous that information is and how important it is to keep it from leaking because someone who did understand that wouldn't be asking for that information in the first place. to me the questions feel like the work of people for whom everyone knowing their gender identity and orientation would merit a "whoopsie-doodle, haha" instead of fear for their own personal safety.
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Apr 25, 2018 20:08
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I can understand the business case for them keeping a deadname somewhere in the file just so that if a record comes in under it they can confirm that yes that is supposed to go in this file. there's zero loving excuse for your actual name to not be the primary name associated with the file though. in more positive bureaucracy news the 2018 Federal Employee Viewpoint Survey updated how they ask about trans status for demographics:  it is a definite improvement over how they incorporated the question previously, which was along the lines of: code:
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May 10, 2018 14:48
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Lain Iwakura posted:https://twitter.com/CBSNews/status/1001523674594381825 there's another cute double proposal where they are playing Pictionary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y0ARoVF6Qg
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May 30, 2018 15:08
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SenatorIvy posted:Now that I've got BCBS for insurance I'd love to know what is covered for trans related stuff but my interaction with any insurance company is limited because I've been leery of putting anything on any records in case a Trump deathsquad is gonna be sent out to screw me over somehow. you want what is called the "plan brochure" or "benefits summary" which will list out everything that is covered, copayments, and exclusions. it will usually be about 100-200 pages long and accessible through your online bcbs portal. if you can't find it can call up and ask where it is or if you can get one mailed. just tell them you want to keep it around for your records or so you can easily looks stuff up. just be warned the coverage is probably going to suck, if it even exists. I have an exceptionally good plan and the requirements listed are ridiculous: 2 years continuously knowing you were trans, dysphoric feelings regarding physical features despite 12 months HRT, 12 months full time presenting in your actual gender in all life situations, and two psych references (one documenting continuous treatment for 12 months). oh and it only covers bottom surgery for women (no augmentation) with 15% copay after deductible. the only other covered procedures which are that onerous to qualify for are surgical obesity treatments which require similar "diagnosed for two years, one year treatment documented ineffective" with the forced outing of oneself replaced by forced participation in medically supervised weight loss programs which are specifically not reimbursed (and which can be extremely expensive). us healthcare sucks.
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Jun 29, 2018 19:18
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ate all the Oreos posted:which BCBS do you have, because they're different in different states. we have BCBS of florida it and it covers my wife's trans meds (she did informed consent and it still covered them which was nice) and would cover SRS or an orchi if she wanted that, but nothing else. it is the federal employee plan. I dunno there might be some low key politics going on
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Jun 30, 2018 03:04
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