NFL Week 2 N/V: Asked gas station clerk: God, did you hear about Vontae Davis?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Week 2 N/V: Asked gas station clerk: God, did you hear about Vontae Davis?

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

oldgoatmon posted:

Mack is real good and all but that pick six was on probably the worst thrown ball I've ever seen. It might as well been handed to him. Kizer real bad even when he has time and whoever was in the general area would have done the same thing.

The strip sack was cool as hell tho.

Forget about the throw, but watch how Mack reacts so quickly and fluidly, jumping back like a panther or some poo poo and allowing the ball to fall right into his hands, then accelerating away for the touchdown. He's a unique athlete and you see it every time he's on the field.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2018 19:52

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:41

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

I actually think that the ball is spun really hard and it's wobbling on the way up (even though it's hard to see) and then it kind of wobbles itself into pointing a new direction if that makes sense

# ¿ Sep 11, 2018 20:27

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

corn on the cop posted:

https://twitter.com/TomPelissero/status/1039640207421857792

cool. more receivers for carr to not throw to

Wait what the hell? I thought they cut him and he got suspended, so now they're bringing him back on and paying him?? At first I thought this was a time traveling tweet from the offseason

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 00:04

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Chris James 2 posted:

They cut him because they thought he'd be suspended. No announcement's been made yet, and their performance showed they need bodies, so if he isn't currently suspended and can suit up for even one game, they think he'll help.

He's facing a full one year suspension but I guess you're right that we don't know when that will be official. Seems kind of desperate but they're probably getting a good discount at least

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 00:20

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Peterman is better than Allen right now. Let that sink in for a moment

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:34

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

pasaluki posted:

Apparently he isn't or they wouldnt have benched him.

Peterman was chosen to start week 1 because he was better than Allen, in preseason and practice. Personally I don't believe that magically changed in the space of one week. The only thing that changed is there is a lot more pressure to start Allen and McDermott is starting to worry about his future.

People are putting everything on Peterman when it was a team-wide failure through and through. The Bills will probably not lose this next game in quite so convincing a fashion and while that will be taken to mean that Allen is better, it doesn't mean it's true. We'll see though

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:39

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Jonathan Fisk posted:

You want it to be the one way, but it's the other way. By this metric Peterman was better than Tyrod pre-chargers

I don't want it to be any way because I don't care, I just think that Peterman is better and this decision to start Allen is a bit of desperation move. Comparing it to last year, it's more like Peterman = Tyrod (designated starter) and Allen = Peterman (guy who starts after bad performance from starter) if that makes any sense.

In any case Allen starting will make the game more interesting so I'm all for it

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:46

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

The Colts could beat Washington this week, and the Titans could beat the Texans.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 21:10

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Yeah I'm going with the Hawks on that one, spread be damned.

Anyways, https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/nfl-owners-need-to-stop-making-excuses-and-give-colin-kaepernick-a-chance/

quote:

He's not good enough.

Okay, but Nathan Peterman and Matt Cassel and Brandon Weeden and Ryan Mallett and Cooper Rush and Garrett Gilbert and Brock Osweiler and Blaine Gabbert supposedly were, and need I go on and on about all of the vagabond, journeymen and never-were's that have been employed during Kaepernick's banishment from the game? Have Peterman's three NFL starts alone � none of which he was able to complete � not gotten your attention (he had a 0.0 quarterback rating with no first downs in the first half before being benched, again, Sunday)? The fact the Robert Griffin III currently has an NFL job and Kaepernick hasn't had a chance to even throw for an NFL team speaks volumes.

To reiterate, Kaepernick for his career has 72 passing touchdowns to just 30 interceptions for 12,271 yards, an average of 7.3 yards/attempt and a rating of 88.9. He also has 13 rushing touchdowns and averages a gaudy 6.1 yards per carry. Since 2011, when Kaepernick entered the league, he still ranks quite high in many key metrics, despite starting no games as a rookie, just seven games in 2012, playing just half a season in 2015 due to injuries, making just 12 starts in 2016 (when Gabbert was allegedly a better option to open the season, and having not appeared in a game in 2017 or 2018).

Even with all of that missed time, since 2011, Kaepernick is tied for 14th in QB rating, tied with Carson Palmer and Andy Dalton (who each averaged $16M/year or more on their deals). He ranks just behind Tyrod Taylor and Matt Stafford in that category. Kaepernick's TD/interception ratio ranks 8th overall in the NFL since 2011 at 2.40, oh, you know, just behind a couple of stiffs named Peyton Manning (2.64) and Drew Brees (2.67).

Kaepernick ranks tied for 1st in interception percentage (1.4) since he entered the league, with the same percentage as a bunch of names I didn't recognize, but perhaps you've heard of them � Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Alex Smith and Tyrod Taylor. Is that good? Kaepernick ranks 21st overall in touchdown percentage (4.3), tied with Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles, and Alex Smith, the guy he beat out for the 49ers starting job as a youngster and who now makes $27M/year. Kaepernick's 72 touchdown passes since 2011 still ranks 25th best in the NFL (despite making just 58 career starts and missing all that time). His 7.25 yards per attempt puts him in the top 25 as well. Just behind Smith (7.27) and Matthew Stafford (7.29).

Kaepernick's 13 rushing touchdowns since 2011 rank sixth among all quarterbacks (he has three less than Russell Wilson in that span in roughly 30 fewer games), and his 6.13 yards per attempt is second only to Blake Bortles in that span.

quote:

He doesn't really want to play football.

Okay, then why is he in the best shape of his life? Why is he in an Uber at 5 a.m. most days from New York City to New Jersey to throw a ton of passes and work on his conditioning and speed and then back to the gym to lift? Why does he spend nearly every day with his personal trainer, Josh Hidalgo? Just to look really good in those Nike commercials that no one had any way of knowing were ever going to happen back in the spring of 2017 when Kaepernick began looking for another team to employ him?

He didn't set out looking for a collusion case. His agent, Jeff Nalley, hasn't called every NFL general manager over and over hoping all would turn him down for one reason or another. He wasn't the one who decided the Green Bay Packers would be perfectly fine with Brett Hundley trying to play quarterback nearly all of last season with Aaron Rodgers hurt. Not his fault the Texans preferred to roll with a combination of Tom Savage, TJ Yates and Taylor Heincke with Deshaun Watson lost for the season or the Titans thought it made sense to work out Weeden, Yates, Matt Barkley and Matt McGloin last October with Marcus Mariota yet again battling injury.

Had a single team sent a scout of official to check out Kaepernick, the word would be out on his arm strength, conditioning, 40-yard dash time, etc., not injury free and still just age 30 (youthful by QB standards for sure). But then again, that would make it even harder to continue perpetrating the notion that he isn't ready to play tackle football for a living, wouldn't it?

quote:

It's bad for business.

Oh really? How's it working out for Phil Knight? You think he did this as a publicity stunt? It ain't warm and fuzzy in the Fortune 500, brother, it's just business � cutthroat business at that in sporting apparel � and Nike made this calculated decision to make money. And that they are doing. The surge in sales and the bounce in stock price and the burst of global attention and clicks and mentions all over the world on social media. Yeah, that happened. And its only just begun.

So let me get this straight � a company that could buy and sell the NFL with a brand that resonates much more far and wide than does professional American football � is totally comfortable with the prospect of Kaepernick in essence serving as "America's quarterback," for the exact purpose of selling products, but he isn't worthy of being given a shot of trying to be Nashville's backup quarterback or Green Bay's emergency quarterback? Riiiiight. Who really has more to risk? Knight's gamble, and resulting windfall, speaks volumes.

Sure, there are some lunatics burning their shoes � but catering to the lunatic fringe is a dangerous proposition. Is anyone picketing the Nike offices? How are things at the headquarters in Beaverton? Has the good publicity far outweighed the bad? For every outpost that tries to switch from Nike to some other outfitter, there are shirts and shoes flying off the shelves (the first edition of Kaepernick's jersey sold out almost immediately).

Say what you want about fan backlash, but go back to Mike Vick coming out of federal prison for dog fighting, and the roughly three days of a "distraction" that was before things at Eagles' headquarters were basically back to normal. Given the overall demographics of the NFL and all that has transpired since the start of the 2017 season � with Donald Trump's SOB comments and the continuing fallout � some QB-needy team giving Kaepernick a workout is going to divide an NFL locker room? When wife-beaters and child abusers and animal abusers have been given repeated chances? Please. Stop.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 23:01

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

I don't think the Browns can hang with the Saints offense and they're probably gonna get smacked around. The spread is 10 points for god's sake. Really enjoying the post-tie optimism tho

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 00:12

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

DariusLikewise posted:

That'll get your gunshy quarterback fired up, call him out publicly

This. Same old Gruden, being a snippy bitch instead of taking some responsibility and thereby making everyone hate him. This whole Gruden thing is gonna be the gift that keeps on giving in terms of stupid football poo poo

Docjowles posted:

N: http://twitter.com/RossTuckerNFL/status/1040251561954471937

V: Joey, you were too good for this world.

I think we may have actually killed Joey Bosa, we tempted God with our fateful talk and this is the result. It was supposed to be a joke dammit! This isn't funny anymore, this is real poo poo I'm talking about, a man's life is over you goddamn jackals and we're responsible!!

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 18:42

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

pasaluki posted:

Josh Allen should be personally thanking us.
Bosa's death may mean Allen's survival at least for another week.

Okay I take it back. We're actually heroes who made a tough decision, one we'll have to live with for the rest of our lives. But we saved a man's life goddammit, that HAS to mean something

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 20:05

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

jimmychoo posted:

Need Denver to win this week bc I'm in a knockout league with my ex's entire family. Not even about the money anymore. 37 ppl got eliminated bc they picked New Orleans, woof

Hell yeah make them understand her mistake, that their stupid relative missed out on a real (e: wo)man who can easily destroy them in fake football activities

show them your power friend (although you should've taken the Chargers)

Play fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Sep 13, 2018

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 20:35

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

jimmychoo posted:

Here's where I say I'm a woman

But thanks all for the encouragement, I hope to take his family and his family's family down one notch at a time until I break their spirits and wallets!!!!!

Sorry for the assumption, not many ladies in these parts but that actually makes it much, much better please win and make these fools feel your wrath

Regarding the map, I thought it was kind of funny that there are only 16 teams on there by my count. So half of all teams didn't make the cut, which actually seems optimistic to me

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 21:27

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Flikken posted:

Dude is gonna go to prison.

But when though? Week 7?

Worth it, work that man until the feds knock on the facility door

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 22:22

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Chromatic posted:

The bills should sign Kap. It would own.

yes it would own. although it would alsokind of suck because the bills are such trash kaep is good but even he can't turn poo poo into gold or poo poo into a football team

# ¿ Sep 14, 2018 08:09

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Jonathan Fisk posted:

Kaepernick is a poor man's Tyrod Taylor

what the hell is wrong with you boy

# ¿ Sep 14, 2018 09:24

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

seiferguy posted:

gently caress the police: https://www.wgrz.com/mobile/article/sports/nfl/bills/ecso-no-table-slamming-will-be-permitted-at-bills-games/71-594351906

What the hell you can't bring bottles to the tailgate? Lame

# ¿ Sep 15, 2018 00:15

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Spoeank posted:

Yeah that's not egregious if it had an upper deck. The problem is there's no cheap seats because they are playing on a high school football field.

Well the Rams stadium which the Chargers will also be using is "planned" to open in 2020, no idea if it actually will or if it will be in time for the 2020 season. So that should at least allow more seats, although I doubt ticket prices will be cheaper. Also, being massively outnumbered by the away team fans isn't going to change anytime soon, no matter how many seats there are. There's a lot of fans of other teams in LA, it's just how it is and no one in LA was asking for this team. I really like the Chargers and enjoy watching them, but it's just a dumb situation all around.

# ¿ Sep 15, 2018 22:01

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Play posted:

The Colts could beat Washington this week, and the Titans could beat the Texans.

oh word?

# ¿ Sep 16, 2018 22:54

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Smiling Mandrill posted:

Its the Browns search your heart. Hue probably had ten people around begging him not to start a hurt kicker. Hue smiles, and smugly points to his chair. Everyone just walks away in exasperated silence.

One thing that's kind of funny is that the rams kicker was out, so of course they converted a two pointer and then the punter sunk two kicks later

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 19:45

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

If he signs with the patriots I've got some narcotic fan mail with his name on it

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 20:22

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

SHOAH NUFF posted:

We don’t even know what Gordon did to piss off the Browns dipshit decision makers, it could have been nothing

Seemed like they were pretty understanding to the point of being massive pushovers about Gordon in hard knocks. But it's very hue to act like that and then give up when some invisible line has been crossed. Doubt we'll ever know the whole story but my guess is he talked back to hue one too many times

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 20:34

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

a neat cape posted:

I just heard Mahomes speak for the first time, and while I dont know what I expected him to sound like, it definitely wasn't a 62 year old cajun man

Yeah it's pretty wild. That's our new savior though so best get used to it

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 21:10

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

It's really not that surprising that a lot of coaches aren't interested in dealing with this whole mess, a guy who barely ever plays, can't learn the play book and has a severe drug and alcohol problem. The pats are gonna end up with that seventh, but it was free after all

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 21:31

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

DariusLikewise posted:

So why did the Browns have a deadline? Is it because they just immediately shoved him on Waivers?

He's not on waivers it's a trade. They just want him gone clearly and that makes getting a decent return sufficient

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 21:34

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Chris James 2 posted:

https://twitter.com/ruiterwrongfan/status/1041785977189134336?s=21

I was actually thinking that it was just a lame excuse on the kickers side and that might be the case

# ¿ Sep 17, 2018 21:52

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 16:41

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Joey Freshwater posted:

Minkah Fitzpatrick filed a trademark application for the rights to “Fitzmagic”

What a knob

Application denied bitch

# ¿ Sep 18, 2018 00:09

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Week 2 N/V: Asked gas station clerk: God, did you hear about Vontae Davis?