Barely Warranted Massage: Pay the handy man for a good corking

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Barely Warranted Massage: Pay the handy man for a good corking

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

Thread is starting off incredibly strong between the raise fiasco and the IRS. good poo poo.

# ¿ Jan 6, 2019 00:37

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 05:26

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

cross-postin' the good poo poo from elsewhere on the forums:

Sweet Custom Van posted:

So I had posted earlier about my friend�s parents� small family restaurant and their...innovative approach to bookkeeping and tax filing. There�s a new and hilarious update.

A letter and business card was left by an IRS official who was trying to address the large balances owed. Apparently, after several years of asking for returns, the IRS just created returns for them (this is a common-ish process designed to encourage people to finally do their own taxes when confronted with giant bills based on the �substitute return�).

My friend�s dad decided to close the restaurant in response. What do you mean by close? Padlock the door, not show up to take delivery, and allow his few employees to show up at a workplace with a hastily-printed �permanently closed� sign stuck on the door.

Obviously, the employees took this poorly. One of them found another business card for the IRS agent, called them up, and dropped a couple hundred dollars� worth of dimes. She then marched herself down to the state department of labor and did it again.

My friend�s dad appears to earnestly believe that none of this can possibly have any consequences for him going forward because �the restaurant doesn�t exist anymore�. This is his full defense and only plan.

My friend just made triple sure that his name isn�t on jack gently caress all and laughed all the way to the liquor store. He�s waiting on the �can you post bail?� call.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2019 19:03

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

22 Eargesplitten posted:

Going back to his earlier post about them, their bookkeeping consisted of throwing paper receipts in a box and their payroll consisted of multiplying hourly pay x hours and writing personal checks to the employees, who they claim are "contractors."

Yep, IRS and the state department of labor are going to turbofuck them.

Yeah, this is the original post from a few months ago:

Sweet Custom Van posted:

So I have never worked in a real professional kitchen, other than a coffee/sandwich shop where I washed dishes in high school. I have loads of accounting and income tax experience, though, and as a favor to a friend I agreed to take a look at how his parents are doing their accounting for their small family restaurant.

It, uh, it turns out that they�re basically not. They have a box they throw receipts in and they write personal checks for payroll based on multiplying the hours on a handwritten paper time card by their hourly wage. There is no attempt to determine food cost, as far as I can tell, and they get around withholding for their employees by claiming they�re all contractors (super, super illegal, but the employees haven�t had a problem with it yet because no one in the joint is making enough money to risk an audit).

My friend and I recognize that this is way over our heads and his parents need professional help squaring this up, but the parents are insisting that there�s no real need to change and a professional would be �too expensive�. Do any of you have suggestions for how to pitch this better other than �how the gently caress do you not need to know how much it costs you to produce a plate of food�?

There's so much to unpack here. It's like a BWM treasure chest.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2019 19:43

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

GoGoGadgetChris posted:

Well, you'll work harder with a gun in your back - GWM!

For a bowl of rice a day - BWM

Slave for soldier, till you starve, then your head is skewered on a stake - extremely BWL

# ¿ Feb 26, 2019 20:22

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

I only watched part of that video because it's super loving boring, but there was a pretty good BWM moment when the dude described his tax preparation method: click around in turbo tax until everything goes green.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2019 14:47

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

Sugar Daddy scam is GWM.

# ¿ Mar 20, 2019 22:43

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

I love how his argument is �I bought this tiny house for my family of 6�. I wish the courts would make him move his family into the house after he rebuilds it.

# ¿ May 8, 2019 23:00

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

Can�t say I�m surprised that a bunch of people got roped into that cattle Ponzi scheme. Bet a lot of people have beef with that guy now.

# ¿ Oct 2, 2019 23:22

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

Inept posted:

Yes, it's not uncommon. Someone gets spear phished, the thief reads the messages in the email account and learns about current projects and how invoices are formatted, and then when the time is right, sends an invoice with altered account details. For things like building construction, this is easily a multimillion dollar heist for a month or two of learning the business. Many businesses are doing further verification checks now, but it still occurs somewhat frequently.

Someone in my office was the target of an attack like this. The attacker did enough recon on our company to send an email to an HR person asking how they would go about changing their address information. HR sent back a response with the instructions for using our HR portal. At this point the attacker knows they've got HR on the hook so they switched topics to changing their direct deposit info as well. It was caught when the employee didn't get their next check direct deposited.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2019 19:25

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

Lockback posted:

BWM: Not being a Nazi Bakery but being the #1 Bakery for Nazis

Is there a law against suing a religious institution? My mom is part of a nazi church and it is affecting my business. Location is Washignton, US.
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/f3pfa9/is_there_a_law_against_suing_a_religious/

Bakery With Morals: nazi mom and the swasticake bankruptcy

# ¿ Feb 14, 2020 17:01

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

StormDrain posted:

Like what does that even mean? And also is he planning to have a cat as a roommate and kill the cat for free rent?

I think you know the answer to this.

the answer involves maritime law

# ¿ Nov 23, 2020 20:44

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

19 o'clock posted:

See also: people who are into MLM�s and call themselves a CEO.

I think you mean Boss Bitch.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2021 23:17

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

I accidentally stole 3 things from Harris Teeter yesterday. I scanned everything but for some reason 3 items didn�t register even though they beeped. It brought up the �weight discrepancy� warning at the end of my checkout and the kid working didn�t even ask me about it. He just entered his code and let me leave. I didn�t realize there was even a problem until the end of the checkout and then only realized I hadn�t paid for some things when I looked at the receipt after getting home.

90% of loss prevention is having employees who give a poo poo. But why would they?

# ¿ Jul 11, 2021 18:23

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 05:26

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

SpartanIvy posted:

Well you sound like you had lots of high school aged coworkers who thought you were really cool, so congrats on your retail experience of sticking it to the man, I guess.

Are you a mall security guard?

# ¿ Jul 12, 2021 01:01

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Barely Warranted Massage: Pay the handy man for a good corking