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Good day valued investors, we here at the BYOB Incorporated headquarters take our job, ensuring that your investment is in good hands, very seriously. Tirelessly we work on making BYOB profitable and successful in all of its many business sectors throughout the entire globe, needless to say without the use of corrupted and dirty marketing methods like coupons or sales deals. In order to further motivate your investment in our business our BYOB finance team is proud to announce last year's official revenue statistics:  Ehm, I am very sorry, it appears there is some kind of technical difficulties here. *turns around and whispers into his phone* What do you mean this is all we have? Where are our numbers? No, I certainly did not confirm that this is good enough! Don't be ridiculous, I wasn't that high. What am I supposed to tell them? What? Pizza? Where? Ok, one sec. *hangs up and turns around again* Thank you for your time ladies and gentlemen, there is an important business emergency in the office I have to attend right now, I will be back with you shortly. |
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Feb 23, 2019 02:49
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mashted potaters? more chill than those french fried poteters, ayup. ---------------- |
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Feb 23, 2019 03:20
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These MASHED TATER numbers are off the charts!! Taters in every cubicle! |
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Feb 23, 2019 04:48
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I am very pleased to present the numbers for this quarter. (clicks to a slide that only has a giant 420 and 69 on it) We project that this trend will continue as it has for the past three years straight. Thank you. |
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Feb 23, 2019 05:29
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google THIS posted:I am very pleased to present the numbers for this quarter. Mmm yes yes excellent report thank you *nods head enthusiastically.* But what can you tell us about our 3 - 6 - 9 projections, can we conclusively say, "drat she fine?" *Takes drag from CBD pen.* |
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Feb 23, 2019 05:45
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I am pleased to report that brand recognition and market share among key groups is at an all time high. Indeed, it would not be an exaggeration to say that most of our employees and customers are high all the time. |
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Feb 23, 2019 06:05
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*Slams fist on the table.* THESE NUGS ARE NOT SUFFICIENTLY DANK WHAT HAS R&D BEEN DOING, STAYING SOBER ON THE JOB!?!? *Extreme gasps of surprise around the boardroom.* I'm... I'm sorry, that was not chill of me, I tender my resignation effective immediately. |
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Feb 23, 2019 09:45
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Important business meeting at 5: OK guys, this is serious. We are not just some small group of people, but we have a responsibility to our investors, to our customers and certainly towards our co-workers. I would not have called for this meeting if it wasn't very important that each and every one of us understands the boundaries in which we have to operate in this office. So, please, who ate Jennifer's yogurt, despite her name being on it? |
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Feb 23, 2019 12:23
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R&D successfully constructed a prototype bong made out of two, smaller bongs, but we later discovered one of the bongs to be missing, before we realized it was connected to the first bong. We are ready to patent this invention, as soon as we can find it.
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Feb 24, 2019 05:44
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:*Slams fist on the table.* |
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Feb 24, 2019 06:08
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glowing-fish posted:R&D successfully constructed a prototype bong made out of two, smaller bongs, but we later discovered one of the bongs to be missing, before we realized it was connected to the first bong. We are ready to patent this invention, as soon as we can find it. Boss, boss, boss, I found it! It was lying beneath a pile of paper that we had to smoke through in order to find it! It's only been three days, do you think the investors are still in the meeting room?
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Feb 26, 2019 13:03
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im forming a union
paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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Feb 26, 2019 15:10
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union demands: 1. pay increased to two ounces a week 2. ball pit in the break room 3. expand break room 4. move offices into break room 5. abolish work 6. maybe a cool strobe light and a dj station in the break room paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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Feb 26, 2019 15:15
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cultural posadist posted:union demands: BYOB Incorporated officially acknowledges those claims and the needs. As the official speaker and therefore member of the working force both me personally and the entire rest of the board accepts those conditions, however we expanded the demands: 1. Additionally to the raise free Pizza, Enchiladas and Pringles as well as free weed during the work time and 50% off for private purposes. 2. Expand the break room to the rest of the building, except the bath room which is now declared as office. 3. Work from home is not encouraged, however beds and spots to live in before, during and after work rent-free are provided. 4. It is now highly encouraged to work only while feeling happy, those who do not feel happy may take vacation at any time. 5. Generating more than 5 posts a day results in a bonus payment on a weekly basis. The board has both demanded and agreed to those additional demands and are in effect immediately. Be the chill with you.
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Feb 26, 2019 16:20
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Goons Are Great posted:BYOB Incorporated officially acknowledges those claims and the needs. As the official speaker and therefore member of the working force both me personally and the entire rest of the board accepts those conditions, however we expanded the demands: can we strike anyway? we totally already booked a taco truck and a live band. yall are invited of course. since all the demands are already met we basically have a street party. paul_soccer12 posted:everyone in the idf must die |
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Feb 26, 2019 16:23
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cultural posadist posted:union demands: ---------------- |
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Feb 26, 2019 16:25
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cultural posadist posted:im forming a union *looks at username* checks out |
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Feb 26, 2019 16:37
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cultural posadist posted:can we strike anyway? we totally already booked a taco truck and a live band. yall are invited of course. since all the demands are already met we basically have a street party. Let's strike for no coupons and deals and more chill in the world! |
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Feb 26, 2019 22:15
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Feb 26, 2019 22:55
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Oh man, Marc? Didn't I ask you to get our business van back? Where is it now? They did what with it? No, it's okay, tell them they can keep it, we just get a new one ourselves. Yes, with build in pillows. I'm not too high to drive, come on. |
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Feb 26, 2019 23:07
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runs into conference room in the middle of a major meeting out of breath WHY DID I JUST COME INTO THIS ROOM |
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Feb 26, 2019 23:18
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ATTN: All employees Due to an unfortunate typo in a recent memo, we have removed the glass sealing. We apologize for the inconvenience if your bongs start leaking. |
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Feb 26, 2019 23:31
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Yeah gonna need you all to work on Saturday.
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Mar 3, 2019 18:58
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*runs through the office* Guys guys guys, I just got us the richest and best investor of the world! They asked me what we do, I told them very eloquently with all my wisdom and finished the presentation by asking "Am I making sense right now?" They told me to start wearing pants and then just paid up in cash!! Here look! *holds up a lit joint* This is it! Now, let's all party! No more work today! |
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Mar 3, 2019 23:57
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Mar 4, 2019 04:47
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Date: 4 March 2019 ATTN: All Personnel RE: Snack Fridge Due to recent snack thefts from the designated "snack fridge" we have added three more snack fridges with the exact same assortment of snacks, as not to confuse easily confused employees. Also Debbie brought some of her snack cakes and so did Dolly, and I must say, the Zebra Cakes pair extremely well with the Lemon Zkittlez I found in the parking lot. Also if this is your Lemon Zkittlez, please see me in my office immediately because this motherfucker is CHEECHED. Thank you for your attention and compliance.
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Mar 4, 2019 05:34
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hamjobs posted:Date: 4 March 2019 ATTN: All Personnel RE: RE: Snack Fridge Dear colleagues, an Addendum: baking, bringing and sharing cakes of any kind for our corporation does count as work time and is officially tax deductible, as long as by law at least two (2) co-workers can benefit from the cakes. BYOB Incorporated is also willing to additionally provide the resources and work space needed for the creation of those law-cakes. Best regards, Chill Executive Officer |
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Mar 4, 2019 12:40
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Hey folks, what's up? I'm your fresh new CEO! I'm looking forward to synergyzing with all you fine young people! Now, as some of you know, the old CEO was caught embezzling our liquid weed capital, which wasn't very funky of him! Unfortunately, that now means we're about to go into chillsolvency. But! The fine folks over at Coupons and Deals, no, don't boo, have agreed to buy our company! |
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Mar 4, 2019 19:28
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Farecoal posted:Hey folks, what's up? I'm your fresh new CEO! I'm looking forward to synergyzing with all you fine young people! This is a hostile takeover and I won't have it
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Mar 5, 2019 01:22
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BYOB is going chapter 7 on Tuesday
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Mar 5, 2019 01:22
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Productivity's way too high, you all need to chill out more.
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Mar 5, 2019 01:25
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super sweet best pal posted:Productivity's way too high, you all need to chill out more. But...but what if I like producing things? I'm sewage flavored. |
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Mar 5, 2019 07:56
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ToxicSlurpee posted:But...but what if I like producing things? You're fired. Clean out your desk. Please leave the weed, that is company property |
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Mar 5, 2019 16:30
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*in a secret meeting with other employees* OK friends, we all know our new CEO has done some heavy cutting here, but maybe we shouldn't judge him so fast. Let's give him a chance okay, he might be an okay guy and not the and I quote "weedlord mcburgerface Jr" that one of you sprayed in the bathroom. ,*the scenery turns around and it's revealed that the secret meeting is happening in the board room, with every member of the board present and the CEO sitting next to me* I mean, you got to give the guy a chance, right? *to the CEO* Come on Barbara, was it you? |
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Mar 6, 2019 16:02
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*comes in to work 7.5 hours late and immediately falls asleep at my desk*
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Mar 6, 2019 18:33
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It is now official company policy that being naked is legal in the office, as long there is at least a blanket in nearby proximity and that blanket is objectively fluffy. This is in no connection to the lawsuit someone threatened to file against us, because we have looked it up, the constitution does not directly include the right to wear blankets, but the board members have agreed that it should be. |
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Mar 9, 2019 12:48
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Finally my rights are recognized as a blanket American
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Mar 10, 2019 03:03
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hamjobs posted:Finally my rights are recognized as a blanket American We recognize your rights as a space alpaca under the BYOB universal declaration of chill rights. |
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Mar 10, 2019 05:17
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Barking Gecko posted:We recognize your rights as a space alpaca under the BYOB universal declaration of chill rights. thank you for celebrating we'd lord appreciation month
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Mar 10, 2019 05:28
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| # ? May 22, 2024 08:15 |
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hamjobs posted:thank you for celebrating we'd lord appreciation month You're welcome. After all, you are a singular individual far too unique to be limited to a single continent, nationality, or culture. |
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Mar 10, 2019 05:34
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